I can't help myself...

Emperor Qianlong · Nov 4, 2006

... but I just can't stop laughing. You have to check this out. I found it a while back, and realized that I might as well post a link to it in here because this is such an amazing example.

I believe this was originally supposed to be Future History, but it's clearly Alternate History by now (divergence point 1998). In a nutshell, there's lot's of inconsistencies, plotholes and typos in that timeline. The list of what's done wrong there is probably endless. It's hilarious and definitely an example of how to NOT do it...

http://www.wanderer.org/world/earth/w3hist_e.html.en

See for yourself.

Doctor What · Nov 4, 2006

~reads timeline~

~head explodes~

Burton K Wheeler · Nov 4, 2006

I only made it to the part where the Chechen seperatists conquered half of Russia before I started crying to myself.

Jammy · Nov 4, 2006

They don't like the Uk, i had to stop after civil war and attacked by the EU

Emperor Qianlong · Nov 4, 2006

See, that's what I meant.

Jammy · Nov 4, 2006

OK i read a bit more

"Racial riots spread into Sweden. Sweden asks Finland for help in calming the country. Finland agrees and conquers Sweden "just in case". "

What the hell

Max Sinister · Nov 4, 2006

Absolutely hilarious. Who writes that kind of stuff?

SionEwig · Nov 4, 2006

I got through 2004 and had to stop. I would like to know what the writers were on when they came up with it, must be some good stuff. That thing looks like a bad game of Risk or Diplomacy.

Doctor What · Nov 4, 2006

These parts made me laugh insanely:

The Canadian army tries to take over Greenland. Denmark asks for help from the other Nordic countries, and the combined army which is specialized in arctic warfare forces the Canadian 6th back to the mainland.

The Canadian French take advantage of the lost Greenland war and declare the eastern part of Canada (The states of Ontario and Quebec) independent. The new government immediately signs a commerce and defense alliance with all of the Nordic countries that participated in the war. A civil war erupts.

The civil war of Canada ends, when East-Canada, supported by the Nordic countries (Now called Fleur de Lisle) makes "an offer that western Canada can't refuse". The commercial relations of Canada and the Nordic countries grow stronger, at the expense of the relations to the USA. West-Canada falls quickly to pieces as the Native Americans take heed and declare old tribal areas independent. The metropolises of the western part turn into free cities, and their main objective is the north-south direction commerce with the tribal areas and the USA.

Wow....that's just....

Doctor What · Nov 4, 2006

Ok--this is what happens in 2009...

In the war between Mexico and USA, Mexico conquers almost all of Texas with a surprise attack. The final battles in the vicinity of Houston cause a great shock in USA, when the media sends coverage of POW "interrogation" by general Huerta live. Huerta gets the nickname "the Chainsaw Massacrer of Texas" and Houston is renamed as "New Alamo". Due to public pressure from US citizens, Mexico City is nuked 4 times. The large Texcocolake next to the capital evaporates and only a crater is left of the city.

Damn--that must be some seriously good drugs they're on....

Burton K Wheeler · Nov 4, 2006

Max Sinister said:
Absolutely hilarious. Who writes that kind of stuff?

Finnish cyberpunk LARPers, of course.

Emperor Qianlong · Nov 4, 2006

The Bald Imposter said:
Finnish cyberpunk LARPers, of course.

Well, I admit that probably explains why Finland gets away so well in that timeline compared to the rest of the world. Still, they sure must hate the world...

Landshark · Nov 4, 2006

A fleet of over 200 British trawlers, supported by destroyers from her Majesty's Imperial Navy, defy the trawling ban. EU informs that it has no option, but to respond with force. The German Navy volunteers. The trawler fleet is forced to return, when the German Navy sinks 30 of the ships within 7 minutes (e.g. all of the escorting destroyers). The chief of staff of the German Navy delivers a harsh note when he says "...now Dönitz may rest in piece." on a live TV-interview.

Imperial Navy?

The Bundesmarine sinks 30 ships in 7 minutes?

A German military officer saying Donitz can rest in piece on live TV?

This guy is more fucked up than a barrel full of crack monkeys.

Kabraloth · Nov 4, 2006

I did not get very far.

At the turn of the millennium the excited crowds cause damage measured in billions world-wide. The celebration ends with nearly 500.000 casualties. The major factor leading to this is that the members of dozens of fanatical organizations committed suicide, when the awaited end of the world/the new Messiah/Buddha/the Second Coming didn't happen.

And all of this in 2000, which is still in the 20th century.

Tocomocho · Nov 4, 2006

France secretly places land mines on it's southern border in order to stop the wave of illegal immigrants from Africa.

...Why not put the mines on French airports?

WhatIsAUserName · Nov 4, 2006

Really funny stuff here

The Islamic Women's Liberation Front (IWLF) takes over TransOrbital's shuttle which blows up when the commandos of the World Government try to capture the shuttle back. 600 dead, damages worth billions, and an one hello of a large fine to the IWLF for "breaking the environmental laws"

I seriously don't know

The World Government starts a campaign to ban alcohol and porn industry as "a disgrace to the humankind".

(How dare they

)

The band Demolisher causes a rampage on it's European tour. The= over-eager fans destroy the downtown areas of Brussels and Lyon. Over 3.000 casualties.

(What the hell?

)

The Muslim government of France changes the Eiffel tower into a= minaret. The catholic French immigrant terrorists kill many European Muslim leaders as revenge.

I stopped reading after this one.

Emperor Qianlong · Nov 4, 2006

Yeah, it's outright crazy.

What I find most remarkable though is that there's not a single mention of Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Palestine or Pakistan... how come they?

Midgard · Nov 4, 2006

WhatIsAUserName said:
The band Demolisher causes a rampage on it's European tour. The= over-eager fans destroy the downtown areas of Brussels and Lyon. Over 3.000 casualties

(What the hell? )

C'mon, they are predicting rock-star success for me and the band I'm yet to form!

WhatIsAUserName · Nov 4, 2006

Midgard said:
C'mon, they are predicting rock-star success for me and the band I'm yet to form!

How dare you get involved in bubblegum pop!

NapoleonXIV · Nov 4, 2006

Tocomocho said:
...Why not put the mines on French airports?

If the illegal immigrants can swim the Mediterrenaen why should a few land mines bother them? And who would want to stop them anyway?