BING BONG
'Oh, that'll be the takeaway.'
'That was quick.'
'Don't leave the man waiting, dammit!'
Alan rushed to the door, and tugged it open. A Bengali man handed over the paper bag of curries with a smile, and Alan thanked him as gave him the customary tip of a few shillings. The man hopped back onto his three-wheeler and trundled off, leaving a trail of black smoke in its wake. Alan wrinkled his nose at the smell. 'Arab Solidarity' had kept oil out of Western engines for quite some time now, and most cars and motorcycles had managed to adapt to burning coal, but a cheap, old three-wheeler still smelt and sounded like a small iron foundry. Going back inside, he caught one of Dimbles' talking heads.
'-must be a huge disappointment for you.'
'It is a huge disappointment, Frederick, but I feel we have much to be proud of in the last four years. We have managed to restore British prestige abroad, and shore up our borders against a foreign threat.'
'Some would say it is precisely that rhetoric that has cost you so many seats.'
'Not at all. Our rhetoric has not changed, and at the last election, we gained over thirty seats. The British people approved of our rhetoric then, there is no reason they could have for not approving of our rhetoric now.'
'Then why were you so spectacularly punished? Maybe the people liked your rhetoric, but when it began having an impact it frightened them.'
'Hogwash. It is nothing more than the shiver of a frightened establishment. The effects of the boundary review two years ago are what has cost us. An alliance of interests conspired to deprive the British people of the one truly patriotic voice, by skewing boundaries against us.'
'Your starting to sound like some of your predecessors.'
'My predecessors meant well, even if they failed to change with the times.'
'Right. Finally, how are you hoping to dig yourself out if the system is skewed.'
'We'll do as we've always done, Frederick. Where we fight, we win. We'll keep up a strong ground game, keep recruiting active, patriotic young people, and build our strength for the next electoral tustle. Up the Blackshirts!'
'Thank you, Mr Rysdale. While the Union party has fallen back, her traditional rivals amongst the smaller parties have done well. The Liberals and the Communists seem to be the primary benefactors, the Liberals predicted to defeat Unionist MPs in southern and western seats, the Communists in northern and eastern seats.'
Alan tore himself away from the doorway and went into the kitchen. Tearing open the paper bag, he plonked the contents of foil containers onto plates and sorted out cutlery. Suddenly, he drew back and resisted the urge to throw a fork. He'd plonked Alice's chicken dansak onto Steve's special fried rice. A small mistake possibly, but he knew what Steve could be like. He sighed, and sorted out everyone's meals. Eventually, he returned to the living room, to hand out plates. As he settled down with his korma, he was just in time for another interviewee.
'And now we have a Mr Pataki, spokesman of the Home Rule League. Mr Pataki, this must be a sad evening for you, to see all these losses and gains and for you to stay steady.'
'Its an early evening yet, Frederick. We still can't know for certain whether we may have picked up seats in the neglected parts of this island.'
'Do you not agree with some speculation that the regional boards introduced by the National government before 2011 have truly 'killed Home Rule-ism stone dead' as some summised?'
'Definitely not. The boards were a step in the right direction, but Britain is still one of the most centralised states in Europe. We need Home Rule All Round, to achieve the best deal for all Britons.'
'Thats a very traditional line for a party which claims to have turned over a new leaf. Once upon a time, Home Rule was for Scotland and Ireland, but now the League has branches in every region.'
'I'm a member of our Yorkshire branch.'
'Quite. Might some of your lacklustre performance be put down to Celtic members being put off by an increasingly English party?'
'Now who's old-fashioned. The Home Rule League has never been parochial or xenophobic and we refute the idea that our members would be put off by the growth of another branch. We'll leave a fear of outsiders to the parties which should be really upset about this evening.'
'Thank you, Mr Pataki.'
Steve suddenly raised his head.
'Umm. Alan, is this rice plain?'