TLIAW: Making Murder Sound Respectable
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- Start date
BONG
BONG
'And there we are, it is 10 o'clock, the polls have closed and it is time for our exit poll.'
BONG
'And we are saying that Labour will be the largest party.'
BONG
That made everyone sit up. Of the five of them sitting in the room, two of them had voted Labour. As was usual for students, they all tended leftwards. Only Alice differed in that regard, having voted for the Liberals. She wasn't a fan of the technocratic consensus and was effusive in her support for a genuinely free market. Probably something to do with doing a creative subject.
BONG
'And here are the figures that we have now. Quite remarkable are these results, a very tight race. The Labour party stands on 249 seats, thats up 29 since the last election in 2011, while Samuel MacDonald for the Nationals stands on 228 seats, a loss of 24 seats since the last election.'
BONG
BONG
BONG
'And the other parties. The Liberals have risen, while Social Credit have fallen back. The Liberals stand on 68, while Social Credit now have 49 MPs remaining. Look at the Unionists. They enjoyed a record height of support in 2010, and have crashed down. They have 11 remaining MPs under our exit poll, a loss of over forty. The Communist Party of Great Britain have risen somewhat to 27, while the Home Rule League stay static on 14. The remaining four seats have been judged too close to call.'
BONG
BONG
Everyone looked at everybody else. Alan pulled a sheepish grin at Alice.
'Looks like everybody wins, old girl.' he chuckled as she pouted back at him. Alan's course-mate Steve looked over the top of his comportable and interjected.
'Don't be so sure. I've crunched the numbers, and it looks like a Labour-Socred-CPGB coalition could still be possible. It would be a tight minority administration, but the Home Rule League tends toward Labour governments, and could shield such a coalition from the worst of it.'
'Yeah, but, we aren't about to go into coalition with Socred are we? They've spent the last four years snuggled up to the Nationals and Unionists and have been quite happy to let their principles go hang.' Alan replied. Steve arched an eyebrow.
'I think you're letting party fervour get to you. Labour and the Liberals don't get on. They have too little in common. Socially they may agree, but economically they are miles apart. Labour have always seen Socred as more reliable friends in a coalition. And besides, Socred have hardly been punished by the electorate to the same extent as the Unionists. I mean, jeez.' Johnson, one of Alice's course-mates, spoke up.
'What do you expect? The Unionists burned too many bridges with their core vote by not going far enough, and with everyone else just by getting their 'indigenous legislative agenda' through. Fascism just ain't what it used to be.'
'Shush,' hissed Alice, 'Dimbles is talking.'
'-an excellent point, Simon. And we shall see what happens through the evening. Just a reminder of the figures:' coloured bars appeared on the screen.
LABOUR: 249 seats
NATIONAL: 228 seats
LIBERAL: 68 seats
SOCIAL CREDIT: 49 seats
CPGB: 27 seats
HOME RULE: 14 seats
UNION: 11 seats
UNCLEAR: 4 seats
BONG
'And there we are, it is 10 o'clock, the polls have closed and it is time for our exit poll.'
BONG
'And we are saying that Labour will be the largest party.'
BONG
That made everyone sit up. Of the five of them sitting in the room, two of them had voted Labour. As was usual for students, they all tended leftwards. Only Alice differed in that regard, having voted for the Liberals. She wasn't a fan of the technocratic consensus and was effusive in her support for a genuinely free market. Probably something to do with doing a creative subject.
BONG
'And here are the figures that we have now. Quite remarkable are these results, a very tight race. The Labour party stands on 249 seats, thats up 29 since the last election in 2011, while Samuel MacDonald for the Nationals stands on 228 seats, a loss of 24 seats since the last election.'
BONG
BONG
BONG
'And the other parties. The Liberals have risen, while Social Credit have fallen back. The Liberals stand on 68, while Social Credit now have 49 MPs remaining. Look at the Unionists. They enjoyed a record height of support in 2010, and have crashed down. They have 11 remaining MPs under our exit poll, a loss of over forty. The Communist Party of Great Britain have risen somewhat to 27, while the Home Rule League stay static on 14. The remaining four seats have been judged too close to call.'
BONG
BONG
Everyone looked at everybody else. Alan pulled a sheepish grin at Alice.
'Looks like everybody wins, old girl.' he chuckled as she pouted back at him. Alan's course-mate Steve looked over the top of his comportable and interjected.
'Don't be so sure. I've crunched the numbers, and it looks like a Labour-Socred-CPGB coalition could still be possible. It would be a tight minority administration, but the Home Rule League tends toward Labour governments, and could shield such a coalition from the worst of it.'
'Yeah, but, we aren't about to go into coalition with Socred are we? They've spent the last four years snuggled up to the Nationals and Unionists and have been quite happy to let their principles go hang.' Alan replied. Steve arched an eyebrow.
'I think you're letting party fervour get to you. Labour and the Liberals don't get on. They have too little in common. Socially they may agree, but economically they are miles apart. Labour have always seen Socred as more reliable friends in a coalition. And besides, Socred have hardly been punished by the electorate to the same extent as the Unionists. I mean, jeez.' Johnson, one of Alice's course-mates, spoke up.
'What do you expect? The Unionists burned too many bridges with their core vote by not going far enough, and with everyone else just by getting their 'indigenous legislative agenda' through. Fascism just ain't what it used to be.'
'Shush,' hissed Alice, 'Dimbles is talking.'
'-an excellent point, Simon. And we shall see what happens through the evening. Just a reminder of the figures:' coloured bars appeared on the screen.
LABOUR: 249 seats
NATIONAL: 228 seats
LIBERAL: 68 seats
SOCIAL CREDIT: 49 seats
CPGB: 27 seats
HOME RULE: 14 seats
UNION: 11 seats
UNCLEAR: 4 seats
BlackentheBorg
Banned
This looks like a damn fine TL you're cooking up here. Consider me subscribed.
This 20th century is richly fucked.
Thank you! I look forward to more of your opinion later.
Suffice to say, Godwins Law is something the inhabitants of this time line simply don't have.
Dom
Moderator
I like the name Alice. My nan was called Alice, and she always used to give me a lot of sweets.
Oooh, I'm liking this. Most dieselpunk tends to focus on the superficial aesthetics like jazz and art deco and chrome-plated airships and Maus tanks and the like, the whole Great Gatsby surface-level vibe. They tend to ignore the roiling political ferment going on underneath it all. It's a fascinating period, and seeing it updated to the modern day (to the extent that someone can say 'fascism' unironically and it's treated as a perfectly normal part of the political landscape) is an immensely interesting experiment.
Subscribed!
Subscribed!
Sideways
Donor
Fascinating. I'm trying to decide what side I'd be on. I doubt I could be SoCred if they've cosyed up to the Unionists. I don't like the uniforms, violence, and pseudo-fascist elements anyway.
So, either Liberal or CPGB. CPGB if they've become more liberal, and Liberal if they economy was doing better around my graduation.
So, either Liberal or CPGB. CPGB if they've become more liberal, and Liberal if they economy was doing better around my graduation.
I'm so tempted to write Alice as a butterflied version of you now.
I actually spent hilarity wrong, saw my mistake and decided to run with it.
Exactly. I loved reading about 1930s political movements, and am rather enthused by dramatism of the pre-war era, the sense that war was coming and everyone was choosing a side. Things turned out rather different in this world, as we'll see.
Eee. Everyone has political uniforms now. Its just how things roll in this world.
You couldn't be tempted to vote Labour?
BING BONG
'Oh, that'll be the takeaway.'
'That was quick.'
'Don't leave the man waiting, dammit!'
Alan rushed to the door, and tugged it open. A Bengali man handed over the paper bag of curries with a smile, and Alan thanked him as gave him the customary tip of a few shillings. The man hopped back onto his three-wheeler and trundled off, leaving a trail of black smoke in its wake. Alan wrinkled his nose at the smell. 'Arab Solidarity' had kept oil out of Western engines for quite some time now, and most cars and motorcycles had managed to adapt to burning coal, but a cheap, old three-wheeler still smelt and sounded like a small iron foundry. Going back inside, he caught one of Dimbles' talking heads.
'-must be a huge disappointment for you.'
'It is a huge disappointment, Frederick, but I feel we have much to be proud of in the last four years. We have managed to restore British prestige abroad, and shore up our borders against a foreign threat.'
'Some would say it is precisely that rhetoric that has cost you so many seats.'
'Not at all. Our rhetoric has not changed, and at the last election, we gained over thirty seats. The British people approved of our rhetoric then, there is no reason they could have for not approving of our rhetoric now.'
'Then why were you so spectacularly punished? Maybe the people liked your rhetoric, but when it began having an impact it frightened them.'
'Hogwash. It is nothing more than the shiver of a frightened establishment. The effects of the boundary review two years ago are what has cost us. An alliance of interests conspired to deprive the British people of the one truly patriotic voice, by skewing boundaries against us.'
'Your starting to sound like some of your predecessors.'
'My predecessors meant well, even if they failed to change with the times.'
'Right. Finally, how are you hoping to dig yourself out if the system is skewed.'
'We'll do as we've always done, Frederick. Where we fight, we win. We'll keep up a strong ground game, keep recruiting active, patriotic young people, and build our strength for the next electoral tustle. Up the Blackshirts!'
'Thank you, Mr Rysdale. While the Union party has fallen back, her traditional rivals amongst the smaller parties have done well. The Liberals and the Communists seem to be the primary benefactors, the Liberals predicted to defeat Unionist MPs in southern and western seats, the Communists in northern and eastern seats.'
Alan tore himself away from the doorway and went into the kitchen. Tearing open the paper bag, he plonked the contents of foil containers onto plates and sorted out cutlery. Suddenly, he drew back and resisted the urge to throw a fork. He'd plonked Alice's chicken dansak onto Steve's special fried rice. A small mistake possibly, but he knew what Steve could be like. He sighed, and sorted out everyone's meals. Eventually, he returned to the living room, to hand out plates. As he settled down with his korma, he was just in time for another interviewee.
'And now we have a Mr Pataki, spokesman of the Home Rule League. Mr Pataki, this must be a sad evening for you, to see all these losses and gains and for you to stay steady.'
'Its an early evening yet, Frederick. We still can't know for certain whether we may have picked up seats in the neglected parts of this island.'
'Do you not agree with some speculation that the regional boards introduced by the National government before 2011 have truly 'killed Home Rule-ism stone dead' as some summised?'
'Definitely not. The boards were a step in the right direction, but Britain is still one of the most centralised states in Europe. We need Home Rule All Round, to achieve the best deal for all Britons.'
'Thats a very traditional line for a party which claims to have turned over a new leaf. Once upon a time, Home Rule was for Scotland and Ireland, but now the League has branches in every region.'
'I'm a member of our Yorkshire branch.'
'Quite. Might some of your lacklustre performance be put down to Celtic members being put off by an increasingly English party?'
'Now who's old-fashioned. The Home Rule League has never been parochial or xenophobic and we refute the idea that our members would be put off by the growth of another branch. We'll leave a fear of outsiders to the parties which should be really upset about this evening.'
'Thank you, Mr Pataki.'
Steve suddenly raised his head.
'Umm. Alan, is this rice plain?'
'Oh, that'll be the takeaway.'
'That was quick.'
'Don't leave the man waiting, dammit!'
Alan rushed to the door, and tugged it open. A Bengali man handed over the paper bag of curries with a smile, and Alan thanked him as gave him the customary tip of a few shillings. The man hopped back onto his three-wheeler and trundled off, leaving a trail of black smoke in its wake. Alan wrinkled his nose at the smell. 'Arab Solidarity' had kept oil out of Western engines for quite some time now, and most cars and motorcycles had managed to adapt to burning coal, but a cheap, old three-wheeler still smelt and sounded like a small iron foundry. Going back inside, he caught one of Dimbles' talking heads.
'-must be a huge disappointment for you.'
'It is a huge disappointment, Frederick, but I feel we have much to be proud of in the last four years. We have managed to restore British prestige abroad, and shore up our borders against a foreign threat.'
'Some would say it is precisely that rhetoric that has cost you so many seats.'
'Not at all. Our rhetoric has not changed, and at the last election, we gained over thirty seats. The British people approved of our rhetoric then, there is no reason they could have for not approving of our rhetoric now.'
'Then why were you so spectacularly punished? Maybe the people liked your rhetoric, but when it began having an impact it frightened them.'
'Hogwash. It is nothing more than the shiver of a frightened establishment. The effects of the boundary review two years ago are what has cost us. An alliance of interests conspired to deprive the British people of the one truly patriotic voice, by skewing boundaries against us.'
'Your starting to sound like some of your predecessors.'
'My predecessors meant well, even if they failed to change with the times.'
'Right. Finally, how are you hoping to dig yourself out if the system is skewed.'
'We'll do as we've always done, Frederick. Where we fight, we win. We'll keep up a strong ground game, keep recruiting active, patriotic young people, and build our strength for the next electoral tustle. Up the Blackshirts!'
'Thank you, Mr Rysdale. While the Union party has fallen back, her traditional rivals amongst the smaller parties have done well. The Liberals and the Communists seem to be the primary benefactors, the Liberals predicted to defeat Unionist MPs in southern and western seats, the Communists in northern and eastern seats.'
Alan tore himself away from the doorway and went into the kitchen. Tearing open the paper bag, he plonked the contents of foil containers onto plates and sorted out cutlery. Suddenly, he drew back and resisted the urge to throw a fork. He'd plonked Alice's chicken dansak onto Steve's special fried rice. A small mistake possibly, but he knew what Steve could be like. He sighed, and sorted out everyone's meals. Eventually, he returned to the living room, to hand out plates. As he settled down with his korma, he was just in time for another interviewee.
'And now we have a Mr Pataki, spokesman of the Home Rule League. Mr Pataki, this must be a sad evening for you, to see all these losses and gains and for you to stay steady.'
'Its an early evening yet, Frederick. We still can't know for certain whether we may have picked up seats in the neglected parts of this island.'
'Do you not agree with some speculation that the regional boards introduced by the National government before 2011 have truly 'killed Home Rule-ism stone dead' as some summised?'
'Definitely not. The boards were a step in the right direction, but Britain is still one of the most centralised states in Europe. We need Home Rule All Round, to achieve the best deal for all Britons.'
'Thats a very traditional line for a party which claims to have turned over a new leaf. Once upon a time, Home Rule was for Scotland and Ireland, but now the League has branches in every region.'
'I'm a member of our Yorkshire branch.'
'Quite. Might some of your lacklustre performance be put down to Celtic members being put off by an increasingly English party?'
'Now who's old-fashioned. The Home Rule League has never been parochial or xenophobic and we refute the idea that our members would be put off by the growth of another branch. We'll leave a fear of outsiders to the parties which should be really upset about this evening.'
'Thank you, Mr Pataki.'
Steve suddenly raised his head.
'Umm. Alan, is this rice plain?'