The world of "Zhirinovsky's Russian Empire"
- Thread starter Pellegrino
- Start date
Hi! New member here, still feeling my way around the board. Just wanted to say, this timeline is awesome - it's what inspired me to actually get an account 
Just a quick question about this thread - if we have ideas about things to post, do we PM you with them first? Thanks!
Just a quick question about this thread - if we have ideas about things to post, do we PM you with them first? Thanks!Hi! New member here, still feeling my way around the board. Just wanted to say, this timeline is awesome - it's what inspired me to actually get an account
Thanks and welcome!
And feel free to post here with any ideas you have. Like I said, I have no problem with folks brainstorming ideas and I actually like being a passenger at times with this wild ride of Vladimir Zhirinovsky.
Thank you kindly! This was an idea that I had from reading a comment way back, when it was theorised that Japan might begin moving away from Article 9 of their constitution early as a result of crazy Uncle Volodya and his policies.
WW2-era Music as Japan launches new ship.
23rdSeptember, 2000
- Irish Times
(Tokyo) Crowds today at IHI Marine United Yokohama Shipyards cheered, waved red-and-white Rising Sun flags and sang along to ‘Gunkan Koshinkyoku’ (Warship March), the Imperial Japanese Navy’s official march during the Pacific War, as the new Amphibious Defence Vessel JDS (Japan Defence Ship) Izumo was launched today. The new vessel, the first of her class, marks a turning-point in modern Japanese history.
“My father was in the Imperial Navy,” one elderly onlooker told reporters. “I wish he could have lived to see this.”
Following the country’s defeat in World War II, Article 9 of Japan’s post-war Constitution specifically forbade the nation from re-arming, while the Treaty of San Francisco placed responsibility for Japan's defence in the hands of the United States. However, as a result of the growth of Soviet power and the beginning of the Cold War, the Japan Self-Defence Forces were established, under certain limitations. From the 1950s onwards, the JSDF have occupied an anomalous place in Japan: officially not a military force, but possessing battle tanks, jet fighters and a naval force that has returned to a position of numerical power in the Pacific, yet barred from developing weapons classified as ‘offensive’ such as ballistic missiles or aircraft carriers. Nor has public opinion always supported the SDF, as society has remained largely pacifistic until recently.
However, the rise to power of Vladimir Zhirinovsky and the formation of the Union of Independent States has caused the Japanese government to re-think their traditional defence policy. In 1994, Japanese Prime Minister Takeshita Noboru addressed the Diet, citing the ‘increasingly unstable nature’ of a ‘certain country to the North’ and the ‘growing uncertainty of the modern world’ as reasons for a ‘more realistic’ Japanese defence policy.
Beginning in 1996, successive budget plans have increased the amount of money available to the Self-Defence Forces, allowing expanded production of the new Type-90 main battle tank, the construction and deployment of an additional thirty F-15J fighter jets, and the commissioning of three new Kongo-class destroyers on top of the four that were already active. However, it is the construction of the Izumo that marks Japan’s greatest divergence from their Constitution.
Weighing in at 27,000 tonnes, the Izumo is the largest vessel in the Japan Maritime Self-Defence Forces. Designed as an amphibious warfare vessel, as well as its total crew complement of 415, it can carry a force of 913 soldiers and thirty tanks. More than anything else, though, what have raised eyebrows in Japan and abroad are Izumo’s air capabilities. Built with a ‘ski-jump’ ramp on her flight deck, to allow the use of Vertical Take-Off and Landing (VTOL) aircraft, Izumo has eight landing spots on her deck and – if her light vehicle bay is used for additional storage space – may carry thirty aircraft. And most tellingly, a week prior to the launching of Izumo, the Japanese government announced that Mitsubishi – under license from McDonnell Douglas – are beginning manufacture of the ‘Sea Falcon’, a copy of the Boeing AV-8B Harrier II.
Although the Constitution specifically prohibits the use of aircraft carriers by Japan, the Prime Minister and the Ministry of Defence have classified the Izumo as an Amphibious Defence Vessel, insisting that such a ship is not included under Article 9. Prime Minister Takeshita has also stated that the ship and the Sea Falcons – once constructed – will be used solely for defence. However, a number of nations have criticised Japan’s development of the Izumo. UIS President Vladimir Zhirinovsky, as might be expected, was foremost among them, calling Izumo’s development a ‘pathetic attempt by a pygmy nation to regain lost Imperial glory’ and stating that ‘whether Japan builds one, ten or a thousand ships, they are nothing more than a parasite clinging to the United States’. He has also sharply criticised America’s ‘dangerous encouragement’ of Japanese re-armament, claiming that for the past three years an ‘experimental squadron’ of the JMSDF has been training with the United States Marine Corps in the use of Harrier IIs and in carrier air operations. Chinese President Jiang Zemin was less outspoken, but stated that he was ‘saddened’ to see Japan ‘edge ever closer to a return to militarism’. Nor has the criticism been entirely confined to overseas, with many criticising the government for such massive spending on defence during a time of national recession – though in the short-term, at least, the increased military-industrial expansion has led to greater employment.
No comment has been forthcoming from the White House, but certain sources in Washington have revealed that many are cautiously optimistic about Japan’s increased defence spending, citing the expense of maintaining American military facilities in Japan, and Japan’s lack of defence obligations to the United States. Many hope that this could lead to closer military cooperation between Washington and Tokyo, and Japan becoming a more ‘proactive’ ally to America, along the lines of Britain.
[AN - TTL's Izumo is heavily based on the Spanish Juan Carlos I - I figured that a full carrier would still be too much for Japan and her neighbours, but an amphibious assault vessel might just get away with it]
Screenplay of ‘Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd Gig’
Episode 26, ‘Yukoku e no Kikan’
INT. BASEMENT
The setting is a basement under Dejima Refugee Camp, buried under a tonne of rubble. We see MAJOR MOTOKO KUSANAGI, in full combat gear but with her pistol just out of reach, in a crouching position on the ground. Behind her is the prone form of the refugee leader KUZE, his left arm blown off by gunfire. Standing above them both is COLONEL FYODORA SEMYONOVA, a tall cyborg with brightly blonde hair and an impressive figure squeezed into a black catsuit. She has a large handgun aimed at the Major’s head.
MAJOR
So it was you all along.
FYODORA
Tsk tsk…poor, naïve little Motoko. You really thought it was the Americans? What is it with you Japanese – all these years later, you still think they’re waiting to strike you down again. Or…maybe you thought that poor deluded Kuze here could have actually got all this together without outside help. Neither speaks well for your intelligence.
MAJOR
Well, I suppose it explains why you and your team have been so closely entwined with this operation. And logically…logically I suppose that in the wake of the Korean Civil War, the UIS would have been better placed to make Kuze their sleeper agent than the Americans. (Pause) I suppose that your people have been evacuated from Dejima already.
FYODORA
Yes. And once I’m clear, our submarine will launch its missile at Dejima... and the nuclear destruction of the island by the refugee population will inspire clampdowns from the Japanese government, attacks on refugee districts...violence. And then, when the refugees try to defend themselves…civil war. Which will be made all the worse by the cheap weaponry that’s been flooding the refugee camps. And even if things are put down quickly, and the Japanese government can investigate what happened…the evidence will lead them back to America. At best we destabilise an enemy country, at worst we drive a wedge between two enemies…and all for the price of a nuclear missile, some cyber-viruses, and a single commando team.
MAJOR (IN ACCENTED ENGLISH)
‘One billion Kalashnikovs and one nuke’.
FYODORA
(Grins) You remembered! Of course, the man who came up with that idea was an idiot in most things…but when it came to injuring the motherland’s enemies, he was a genius. (Pauses, smile changes into something more sultry) Why not come with me? Even if you were to survive me and the bomb, once the destabilisation starts, Japan won’t be a very fun place to live. (View cuts to Fyodora’s POV, sweeps over the Major’s body). And with the time we’ve spent together, I’ve grown quite fond of you.
MAJOR (LOOKING AT THE GROUND, SCOWLING)
No.
FYODORA
Pity. Well, at least I can make sure you’re not here when the bomb hits.
MAJOR (CLOSES EYES)
Did you get that, Chief?
ARAMAKI (OFF-SCREEN)
Yes, Major. A JMSDF submarine is inbound to intercept the Russian vessel now. (CUT TO PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICE, PRIME MINISTER KAYABUKI AND THE AMERICAN AMBASSADOR ARE PRESENT) And the Prime Minister is reinstated. (CUT TO CABINET OFFICES, ARMED SOLDIERS ARE REMOVING CHIEF SECRETARY TAKAKURA AND OTHER MINISTERS) Pro-UIS members of the Cabinet are being removed – just until their level of complicity is fully revealed.
FYODORA (STARTLED)
What’s going on?
MAJOR
You really thought we couldn’t put two and two together? You really thought that Togusa wouldn’t get suspicious that your team turned up to save his life just as his contact in Tokyo got assassinated? (FADE TO MONTAGE OF SCENES FROM PREVIOUS EPISODES, SHOWING FYODORA AND HER TEAM WORKING WITH SECTION 9) Since then, we’ve been monitoring you all. (SCENE OF FYODORA AND THE MAJOR IN A HOTEL ROOM IN NIIHAMA) Especially you. By the time we were deploying into Dejima, we knew exactly what you were up to. We just needed the specifics – the location of your submarine, the names of your provocateurs, that kind of thing.
FYODORA
No…no! You can’t have!
MAJOR
We have. Tachikoma! Report!
CUT TO TACHIKOMAS, OUTSIDE HIGH-RISE BUILDING IN DEJIMA
TACHIKOMA
Major! We managed to stop the Russians escaping the island, but they’ve fortified themselves inside a building in the centre! (ROCKET EXPLODES NEAR TACHIKOMA, ANOTHER RETURNS FIRE WITH ITS GATLING GUN)
MAJOR
No problem – just keep them there until backup arrives
TACHIKOMA
Ryokai!
CUT BACK TO BASEMENT
MAJOR
Japan won’t be so easy to destabilise as you thought. (SMILES) We beat Russia once, over a century ago. Looks like we’ve beaten you again, on a different battlefield.
FYODORA (SNARLING)
You won’t get to enjoy it! (CLOSE UP ON TENSING TRIGGER FINGER, SUDDENLY FREEZES) What? Why…why can’t I move?
MAJOR
The first night we spent together, I infiltrated micromachines inside you. Just in case. (INNER UNIVERSE THEME BEGINS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND) They’ve overridden your body’s motor control functions. It was a big flaw in UIS-made prosthetic bodies – they were uniquely vulnerable to micromachine attack. (THEME GETS LOUDER)
FYODORA (LONG PAUSE, THEN SPEAKS LIGHTLY)
Oh well. Odds are I’ll be exchanged back to the UIS after a while. Unless you kill me now.
MAJOR (STANDS UP, PICKS UP HANDGUN)
You know what the crazy thing is?
FYODORA
What?
MAJOR
I liked you too.
(MAJOR PISTOL-WHIPS FYODORA, BLOW LANDING JUST ON THE THEME SONG WORDS ‘AERIA GLORIS’)
MAJOR (SARCASTICALLY, IN ACCENTED RUSSIAN)
“Zvat Zhirinovsky”
[AN - I know that 'Zvat Zhirinovsky' was dropped, but I figured a Japanese audience might still associate it with Russia - especially since accurate Russian wouldn't be a high priority for an anime programme]
WW2-era Music as Japan launches new ship.
23rdSeptember, 2000
- Irish Times
(Tokyo) Crowds today at IHI Marine United Yokohama Shipyards cheered, waved red-and-white Rising Sun flags and sang along to ‘Gunkan Koshinkyoku’ (Warship March), the Imperial Japanese Navy’s official march during the Pacific War, as the new Amphibious Defence Vessel JDS (Japan Defence Ship) Izumo was launched today. The new vessel, the first of her class, marks a turning-point in modern Japanese history.
“My father was in the Imperial Navy,” one elderly onlooker told reporters. “I wish he could have lived to see this.”
Following the country’s defeat in World War II, Article 9 of Japan’s post-war Constitution specifically forbade the nation from re-arming, while the Treaty of San Francisco placed responsibility for Japan's defence in the hands of the United States. However, as a result of the growth of Soviet power and the beginning of the Cold War, the Japan Self-Defence Forces were established, under certain limitations. From the 1950s onwards, the JSDF have occupied an anomalous place in Japan: officially not a military force, but possessing battle tanks, jet fighters and a naval force that has returned to a position of numerical power in the Pacific, yet barred from developing weapons classified as ‘offensive’ such as ballistic missiles or aircraft carriers. Nor has public opinion always supported the SDF, as society has remained largely pacifistic until recently.
However, the rise to power of Vladimir Zhirinovsky and the formation of the Union of Independent States has caused the Japanese government to re-think their traditional defence policy. In 1994, Japanese Prime Minister Takeshita Noboru addressed the Diet, citing the ‘increasingly unstable nature’ of a ‘certain country to the North’ and the ‘growing uncertainty of the modern world’ as reasons for a ‘more realistic’ Japanese defence policy.
Beginning in 1996, successive budget plans have increased the amount of money available to the Self-Defence Forces, allowing expanded production of the new Type-90 main battle tank, the construction and deployment of an additional thirty F-15J fighter jets, and the commissioning of three new Kongo-class destroyers on top of the four that were already active. However, it is the construction of the Izumo that marks Japan’s greatest divergence from their Constitution.
Weighing in at 27,000 tonnes, the Izumo is the largest vessel in the Japan Maritime Self-Defence Forces. Designed as an amphibious warfare vessel, as well as its total crew complement of 415, it can carry a force of 913 soldiers and thirty tanks. More than anything else, though, what have raised eyebrows in Japan and abroad are Izumo’s air capabilities. Built with a ‘ski-jump’ ramp on her flight deck, to allow the use of Vertical Take-Off and Landing (VTOL) aircraft, Izumo has eight landing spots on her deck and – if her light vehicle bay is used for additional storage space – may carry thirty aircraft. And most tellingly, a week prior to the launching of Izumo, the Japanese government announced that Mitsubishi – under license from McDonnell Douglas – are beginning manufacture of the ‘Sea Falcon’, a copy of the Boeing AV-8B Harrier II.
Although the Constitution specifically prohibits the use of aircraft carriers by Japan, the Prime Minister and the Ministry of Defence have classified the Izumo as an Amphibious Defence Vessel, insisting that such a ship is not included under Article 9. Prime Minister Takeshita has also stated that the ship and the Sea Falcons – once constructed – will be used solely for defence. However, a number of nations have criticised Japan’s development of the Izumo. UIS President Vladimir Zhirinovsky, as might be expected, was foremost among them, calling Izumo’s development a ‘pathetic attempt by a pygmy nation to regain lost Imperial glory’ and stating that ‘whether Japan builds one, ten or a thousand ships, they are nothing more than a parasite clinging to the United States’. He has also sharply criticised America’s ‘dangerous encouragement’ of Japanese re-armament, claiming that for the past three years an ‘experimental squadron’ of the JMSDF has been training with the United States Marine Corps in the use of Harrier IIs and in carrier air operations. Chinese President Jiang Zemin was less outspoken, but stated that he was ‘saddened’ to see Japan ‘edge ever closer to a return to militarism’. Nor has the criticism been entirely confined to overseas, with many criticising the government for such massive spending on defence during a time of national recession – though in the short-term, at least, the increased military-industrial expansion has led to greater employment.
No comment has been forthcoming from the White House, but certain sources in Washington have revealed that many are cautiously optimistic about Japan’s increased defence spending, citing the expense of maintaining American military facilities in Japan, and Japan’s lack of defence obligations to the United States. Many hope that this could lead to closer military cooperation between Washington and Tokyo, and Japan becoming a more ‘proactive’ ally to America, along the lines of Britain.
[AN - TTL's Izumo is heavily based on the Spanish Juan Carlos I - I figured that a full carrier would still be too much for Japan and her neighbours, but an amphibious assault vessel might just get away with it]
Screenplay of ‘Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd Gig’
Episode 26, ‘Yukoku e no Kikan’
INT. BASEMENT
The setting is a basement under Dejima Refugee Camp, buried under a tonne of rubble. We see MAJOR MOTOKO KUSANAGI, in full combat gear but with her pistol just out of reach, in a crouching position on the ground. Behind her is the prone form of the refugee leader KUZE, his left arm blown off by gunfire. Standing above them both is COLONEL FYODORA SEMYONOVA, a tall cyborg with brightly blonde hair and an impressive figure squeezed into a black catsuit. She has a large handgun aimed at the Major’s head.
MAJOR
So it was you all along.
FYODORA
Tsk tsk…poor, naïve little Motoko. You really thought it was the Americans? What is it with you Japanese – all these years later, you still think they’re waiting to strike you down again. Or…maybe you thought that poor deluded Kuze here could have actually got all this together without outside help. Neither speaks well for your intelligence.
MAJOR
Well, I suppose it explains why you and your team have been so closely entwined with this operation. And logically…logically I suppose that in the wake of the Korean Civil War, the UIS would have been better placed to make Kuze their sleeper agent than the Americans. (Pause) I suppose that your people have been evacuated from Dejima already.
FYODORA
Yes. And once I’m clear, our submarine will launch its missile at Dejima... and the nuclear destruction of the island by the refugee population will inspire clampdowns from the Japanese government, attacks on refugee districts...violence. And then, when the refugees try to defend themselves…civil war. Which will be made all the worse by the cheap weaponry that’s been flooding the refugee camps. And even if things are put down quickly, and the Japanese government can investigate what happened…the evidence will lead them back to America. At best we destabilise an enemy country, at worst we drive a wedge between two enemies…and all for the price of a nuclear missile, some cyber-viruses, and a single commando team.
MAJOR (IN ACCENTED ENGLISH)
‘One billion Kalashnikovs and one nuke’.
FYODORA
(Grins) You remembered! Of course, the man who came up with that idea was an idiot in most things…but when it came to injuring the motherland’s enemies, he was a genius. (Pauses, smile changes into something more sultry) Why not come with me? Even if you were to survive me and the bomb, once the destabilisation starts, Japan won’t be a very fun place to live. (View cuts to Fyodora’s POV, sweeps over the Major’s body). And with the time we’ve spent together, I’ve grown quite fond of you.
MAJOR (LOOKING AT THE GROUND, SCOWLING)
No.
FYODORA
Pity. Well, at least I can make sure you’re not here when the bomb hits.
MAJOR (CLOSES EYES)
Did you get that, Chief?
ARAMAKI (OFF-SCREEN)
Yes, Major. A JMSDF submarine is inbound to intercept the Russian vessel now. (CUT TO PRIME MINISTER’S OFFICE, PRIME MINISTER KAYABUKI AND THE AMERICAN AMBASSADOR ARE PRESENT) And the Prime Minister is reinstated. (CUT TO CABINET OFFICES, ARMED SOLDIERS ARE REMOVING CHIEF SECRETARY TAKAKURA AND OTHER MINISTERS) Pro-UIS members of the Cabinet are being removed – just until their level of complicity is fully revealed.
FYODORA (STARTLED)
What’s going on?
MAJOR
You really thought we couldn’t put two and two together? You really thought that Togusa wouldn’t get suspicious that your team turned up to save his life just as his contact in Tokyo got assassinated? (FADE TO MONTAGE OF SCENES FROM PREVIOUS EPISODES, SHOWING FYODORA AND HER TEAM WORKING WITH SECTION 9) Since then, we’ve been monitoring you all. (SCENE OF FYODORA AND THE MAJOR IN A HOTEL ROOM IN NIIHAMA) Especially you. By the time we were deploying into Dejima, we knew exactly what you were up to. We just needed the specifics – the location of your submarine, the names of your provocateurs, that kind of thing.
FYODORA
No…no! You can’t have!
MAJOR
We have. Tachikoma! Report!
CUT TO TACHIKOMAS, OUTSIDE HIGH-RISE BUILDING IN DEJIMA
TACHIKOMA
Major! We managed to stop the Russians escaping the island, but they’ve fortified themselves inside a building in the centre! (ROCKET EXPLODES NEAR TACHIKOMA, ANOTHER RETURNS FIRE WITH ITS GATLING GUN)
MAJOR
No problem – just keep them there until backup arrives
TACHIKOMA
Ryokai!
CUT BACK TO BASEMENT
MAJOR
Japan won’t be so easy to destabilise as you thought. (SMILES) We beat Russia once, over a century ago. Looks like we’ve beaten you again, on a different battlefield.
FYODORA (SNARLING)
You won’t get to enjoy it! (CLOSE UP ON TENSING TRIGGER FINGER, SUDDENLY FREEZES) What? Why…why can’t I move?
MAJOR
The first night we spent together, I infiltrated micromachines inside you. Just in case. (INNER UNIVERSE THEME BEGINS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND) They’ve overridden your body’s motor control functions. It was a big flaw in UIS-made prosthetic bodies – they were uniquely vulnerable to micromachine attack. (THEME GETS LOUDER)
FYODORA (LONG PAUSE, THEN SPEAKS LIGHTLY)
Oh well. Odds are I’ll be exchanged back to the UIS after a while. Unless you kill me now.
MAJOR (STANDS UP, PICKS UP HANDGUN)
You know what the crazy thing is?
FYODORA
What?
MAJOR
I liked you too.
(MAJOR PISTOL-WHIPS FYODORA, BLOW LANDING JUST ON THE THEME SONG WORDS ‘AERIA GLORIS’)
MAJOR (SARCASTICALLY, IN ACCENTED RUSSIAN)
“Zvat Zhirinovsky”
[AN - I know that 'Zvat Zhirinovsky' was dropped, but I figured a Japanese audience might still associate it with Russia - especially since accurate Russian wouldn't be a high priority for an anime programme]
MarshalBraginsky
Banned
Now this is my contribution, and I hope this works
Screenplay from Savior, starring Dennis Quaid:
(Goran drives away from Joshua while the latter goes up the hill and prepares himself for a possible confrontation. Down below, Serb paramilitary troops and UIS Spetsnaz soldiers push the hostages towards the exchange point)
GORAN:
Hello, my Serbian brothers! (turns to a UIS soldier) And hello to you too, tovarisch!
UIS SOLDIER:
Zdrastvuytye! (turns to his comrades) Davai, davai! Vse li zdes'? {Is everyone here?}
(the hostages begin to cross the bridge, including a pregnant woman among the hostages from the other side)
JOSHUA:
(turns to VERA) What the (censored) is she doing in the car?
GORAN:
We're going to take her home. I happen to know where she lives. (turns to the UIS soldier) Do svidanya!
UIS SOLDIER:
Do svidanya! (salutes as GORAN and JOSHUA drives away)
GORAN:
Did you see those green scarfies? Those are Mujahideen. Holy warriors to Allah.
JOSHUA:
And I suppose those soldiers speaking Russian are volunteers?
GORAN:
Not volunteers. UIS 13th Army, and some Spetsnaz soldiers coming along for the ride. It seems that they've been assigned to help us after that incident with some group called the Moscow Taxi. (turns to VERA) And she's been busy screwing them all.
JOSHUA:
She was raped.
GORAN:
She's a (censored) whore! My neighbors, good Serbs. Great warriors, and she dishonored them all. Then again, I don't suppose you want to see the same (censored) in Chechnya, do you?
JOSHUA:
I've never been in Chechnya....and what do you mean by what you said, "UIS 13th Army"? You mean to tell me that these scary bastards are here as well?
GORAN:
You're lucky they did not see you though. Like I said, not many Western men fighting for Serbs, much less fighting on the same side as Russians. (stops the car) Now then, let's have this (censored) conversation then. (grabs VERA and gets out of the car)
JOSHUA:
What the (censored) are you doing?
GORAN:
I'm trying to have conversation, OK? (hears another car coming) Mate jebem! Shta jebe? (sees a Russian jeep with five UIS soldiers) Pulkovnik..
UIS OFFICER:
(in Russian) Your car is (censored) blocking the goddamned road.
GORAN:
(in Serbian) I'm kicking this whore right here! She won't even bother talking to me when I want her to!
UIS OFFICER:
Just move the bloody car!
JOSHUA:
OK then. (makes eye contact with the UIS soldiers) (censored).
UIS OFFICER:
What do we have here? Franchuski?
GORAN:
(grunts) Ne. Amerikanski.
UIS OFFICER:
Amerikanski? Bozhemoi! (points the gun at him) Is he a spy!? Govorit, soldate!
JOSHUA:
I am an American mercenary, and I am frightened to know that I am fighting alongside Vladimir Zhirinovsky's goons.
UIS OFFICER:
(laughs as he put down his gun) A rarity indeed.....(turns to GORAN and speaks in Russian) Why are you kicking this woman? You kick her any further and she'll give birth to a goddamned mute.
Screenplay from Savior, starring Dennis Quaid:
(Goran drives away from Joshua while the latter goes up the hill and prepares himself for a possible confrontation. Down below, Serb paramilitary troops and UIS Spetsnaz soldiers push the hostages towards the exchange point)
GORAN:
Hello, my Serbian brothers! (turns to a UIS soldier) And hello to you too, tovarisch!
UIS SOLDIER:
Zdrastvuytye! (turns to his comrades) Davai, davai! Vse li zdes'? {Is everyone here?}
(the hostages begin to cross the bridge, including a pregnant woman among the hostages from the other side)
JOSHUA:
(turns to VERA) What the (censored) is she doing in the car?
GORAN:
We're going to take her home. I happen to know where she lives. (turns to the UIS soldier) Do svidanya!
UIS SOLDIER:
Do svidanya! (salutes as GORAN and JOSHUA drives away)
GORAN:
Did you see those green scarfies? Those are Mujahideen. Holy warriors to Allah.
JOSHUA:
And I suppose those soldiers speaking Russian are volunteers?
GORAN:
Not volunteers. UIS 13th Army, and some Spetsnaz soldiers coming along for the ride. It seems that they've been assigned to help us after that incident with some group called the Moscow Taxi. (turns to VERA) And she's been busy screwing them all.
JOSHUA:
She was raped.
GORAN:
She's a (censored) whore! My neighbors, good Serbs. Great warriors, and she dishonored them all. Then again, I don't suppose you want to see the same (censored) in Chechnya, do you?
JOSHUA:
I've never been in Chechnya....and what do you mean by what you said, "UIS 13th Army"? You mean to tell me that these scary bastards are here as well?
GORAN:
You're lucky they did not see you though. Like I said, not many Western men fighting for Serbs, much less fighting on the same side as Russians. (stops the car) Now then, let's have this (censored) conversation then. (grabs VERA and gets out of the car)
JOSHUA:
What the (censored) are you doing?
GORAN:
I'm trying to have conversation, OK? (hears another car coming) Mate jebem! Shta jebe? (sees a Russian jeep with five UIS soldiers) Pulkovnik..
UIS OFFICER:
(in Russian) Your car is (censored) blocking the goddamned road.
GORAN:
(in Serbian) I'm kicking this whore right here! She won't even bother talking to me when I want her to!
UIS OFFICER:
Just move the bloody car!
JOSHUA:
OK then. (makes eye contact with the UIS soldiers) (censored).
UIS OFFICER:
What do we have here? Franchuski?
GORAN:
(grunts) Ne. Amerikanski.
UIS OFFICER:
Amerikanski? Bozhemoi! (points the gun at him) Is he a spy!? Govorit, soldate!
JOSHUA:
I am an American mercenary, and I am frightened to know that I am fighting alongside Vladimir Zhirinovsky's goons.
UIS OFFICER:
(laughs as he put down his gun) A rarity indeed.....(turns to GORAN and speaks in Russian) Why are you kicking this woman? You kick her any further and she'll give birth to a goddamned mute.
Last edited:
MarshalBraginsky
Banned
Would you mind if I contribute to the in-universe alternate fiction?
What will you contribute? I wanted to do more than just posting some stuff that I know about ex-Yugoslavia. Perhaps a heated football derby between the Serbian ultras against the Russian ultras.
The Cosmonaut Cat
Banned
You seem to forget that in the TL UIS and Japan had good relations, with Japan ignoring UN sanctions and helping keep UIS economy out of the red.
The Japanese still know how close the Russians came to taking Hokkaido after WWII. Carrying a big stick may not be a bad idea.
Also Japan is going to rebuild its military forces for defense purposes anyway.
Maybe I misread it, but the way I understood that was less good relations, more Japan being coldly pragmatic - like they did with apartheid South Africa OTL. Like, not necessarily being diplomatically close to the nation in question, more just willing to look the other way when it came to economic/corporate ties. Plus they sheltered defectors who'd been sent to Kunashiri Island.
And the way I figured it, any country situated so near Vladimir Zhirinovsky's UIS would want a rock in its fist. Especially given past Russo-Japanese relations, the fact that the JMSDF had been aligned towards fighting Russia anyway during the Cold War (specifically geared to ASW), and the Kosovo Missile Crisis...
P.46 of the timeline, the 'Accidental Capitalist' says by mid-1995 there were over 50,000 Russian refugees on Hokkaido.
Also, thing is, Russia makes a handy boogeyman ITTL - even if Japan's leaders don't see the UIS as threat number one, they can use them to justify re-armament to the US, and to the man-on-the-street. Whereas they might see the real threat as China (which ITTL is keeping more of its Communist character) or North Korea.
Also, thing is, Russia makes a handy boogeyman ITTL - even if Japan's leaders don't see the UIS as threat number one, they can use them to justify re-armament to the US, and to the man-on-the-street. Whereas they might see the real threat as China (which ITTL is keeping more of its Communist character) or North Korea.
Nah, that bit just stuck in my mind because I'd been trying the MDS mod for Hoi2 as Japan around the same time I got into this timeline...and the Kuriles were the first logical point of invasion when WWIII broke out with the Shanghai Pact. So there was the association between the two - when I read that entry, I couldn't help but think of the game.
The X-men clip was awesome. Domenic Cummerbund (as my mum calls him) as Magneto? Priceless!
Just one question, what happens to Compare the Meerkat ITTL?
Just one question, what happens to Compare the Meerkat ITTL?
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I'm new to this forum and since I have read up plenty of stuff about the related timeline thing (dang it's long), I'll jot out my ten cents for this thread.
You remember how the Metal Gear series with all its political intrigue and conspiracy stuff tried to be objective about every country the games are set in? Like how it depicts the USA and USSR as equals? (though I think the USSR are a little more evil than the USA) Here in this timeline, I can image Kojima getting rightly upset with the UIS and having them be the villains or part of some conspiracy by the Patriots. Heck, I image Snake would admit to being A-Okay with killing the Zhinorino-folks. As for Ocelot, he might be happy to work for ol' Zhinorinsky since Zhinorinsky don't like communists, though he did worked for the patriots since before the events of Snake Eater.
Bottom line, Metal Gear of this world is gonna be quite different from our world's.
You remember how the Metal Gear series with all its political intrigue and conspiracy stuff tried to be objective about every country the games are set in? Like how it depicts the USA and USSR as equals? (though I think the USSR are a little more evil than the USA) Here in this timeline, I can image Kojima getting rightly upset with the UIS and having them be the villains or part of some conspiracy by the Patriots. Heck, I image Snake would admit to being A-Okay with killing the Zhinorino-folks. As for Ocelot, he might be happy to work for ol' Zhinorinsky since Zhinorinsky don't like communists, though he did worked for the patriots since before the events of Snake Eater.
Bottom line, Metal Gear of this world is gonna be quite different from our world's.
The Cosmonaut Cat
Banned
I thought they were mostly people seeking better jobs?
BTW, Pellegrino, how did the Nepalese Civil War turn out in this TL?
[FONT="]The Re-Invention of the Japanese military tradition: Japan Ground Self-Defence Force officer remembers his service in Afghanistan[/FONT]
[FONT="]Foreign Affairs [09/23/2011][/FONT]
[FONT="]By Joshua Goodman[/FONT]
(Okoyama, Japan) Takahashi Kenzo is a Major now, but when he and two thousand other Japan Ground Self-Defence Force (JGSDF) troops were deployed to Afghanistan ten years ago, he was just a Lieutenant.
“I wasn’t anyone in particular,” he says, smiling shyly. “Just one of many very new, very inexperienced officers and men deployed in the wake of the American invasion.”
Major Takahashi doesn’t really look like a soldier. Skinny and of average height, and wearing large glasses, he looks more like a slightly older version of a high-school or college nerd. Yet this man is perhaps the closest thing that the modern Japanese military has to a war hero, and has been cited by many new recruits as their inspiration for joining the Self-Defence Forces.
His story begins in November of 2001, when the Diet of Japan determined to send a volunteer force of GSDF troops to support the American-led invasion of Afghanistan. Even then, at a time when the Self-Defence Forces were receiving expanded funding, the first foreign deployment of Japanese troops since World War II was highly controversial. “There were many in the Forces themselves who opposed the deployment,” Major Takahashi recalls. “Though obviously, we were deeply saddened and outraged by the attack on America, most of us had joined up to defend Japan, not to fight foreign wars on America’s behalf. Then too, there was the fact that – unheard of any other modern military – no member of the Self-Defence Forces had any combat experience, as we’d never even participated in UN peacekeeping missions.”
Indeed, even with the widespread acceptance and support of the Self-Defence Forces seen today in Japan, the Afghanistan deployment continues to attract criticism. Some have even speculated that the mission had far more cynical motivations behind it than a desire to help the United States – it has been theorised that the mission was part of a quid pro quo arrangement, that in return for American acquiescence and assistance in the Japanese military build-up of the late 1990s and 2000, the US government had extorted promises of Japanese military assistance in foreign wars.
“We weren’t active in the actual invasion,” Major Takahashi states. “We were deployed after the Taliban officially fell, to help with reconstruction work and to maintain order in liberated territory. Though it was made clear to us that we were to be…proactive in dealing with any militant activity, we weren’t to be passive in our reactions.”
The Japan Special Expeditionary Force was drawn from GSDF commands all over Japan – Takahashi himself had been stationed with the Northern Army in Hokkaido, but found himself serving with men from across the Home Islands. “Organisation was a major issue for the first few months of our deployment,” he notes ruefully. “It took a while before our men were able to work smoothly together.”
He grows more serious when asked about the darker side of the deployment. It has been estimated that over three hundred of the men of the Special Expeditionary Force had to be rotated back to Japan within half a year of their arrival in Herat Province, frequently suffering severe cases of post-traumatic stress. “We had…definite issues with morale,” he says carefully. “But it must be noted that, for a force that had no history or experience of combat, we performed acceptably. And our mission allowed us to develop a better knowledge and understanding of asymmetrical warfare, which allowed us to better educate our comrades who had remained in Japan when our deployment ended.”
The Japanese force was stationed in Herat Province, primarily responsible for Kohsan, Gulran and Kushk Districts in conjunction with other Coalition forces. This posting, right up against the line dividing Coalition and UIS-controlled territories in Afghanistan, would bring the Special Expeditionary Force into direct contact with the humanitarian impact of the Union of Independent States’ war effort in the north. “The entire province was awash with refugees,” Major Takahashi notes. “Mostly Pashtuns from the North, fleeing the Uzbek and Hazara-controlled areas – and, as we soon discovered, fleeing the UIS Army. It was a total security nightmare. The refugees had utterly no reason to love foreign troops, and most of them had brought weapons of one sort or another with them – any attempt to disarm them or to relocate them into camps could easily spiral into violence. Of course, such conditions were perfect for Taliban remnants.” He closes his eyes and bows his head slightly. “Many of our men – men under my command included – were killed or injured in Herat.”
He pauses briefly, but before I can suggest terminating the interview, he continues. “And yet, so often – what led refugees to react violently to us wasn’t hatred, it was fear. As we learned the local languages, as we began to – slowly – interact with them, stories about what was happening in the North began to circulate, stories that were confirmed by the soldiers of our allies.”
And yet, so much of this might have remained rumour until one day in mid-February, 2002.
“I was leading a patrol, about four kilometres East of Gulran village,” the Major recalls. “It was on a quiet stretch of road – though in Afghanistan, we learned to mistrust quiet places. There were fifteen of us, in a convoy of three Komatsu Light Armoured Vehicles. We were actually on the verge of ending the patrol, when it happened.”
On the road ahead, the Japanese convoy happened upon an unbelievable sight. “It was an old Toyota pickup truck, with…there were so many people on it, the flatbed was almost invisible. Mostly older men, women and children.”
In fact, as the then-Lieutenant’s report stated, the only younger men who were initially visible were in the vehicle’s driver and passenger seats, as well as four men on the road. All of whom were dead.
“Beyond them were maybe ten UIS soldiers, with a personnel carrier, and fifteen Uzbek militia – they were using old Soviet jeeps. The front of the pickup truck was riddled with large-calibre bullet holes, it was fairly clear what had happened.” He winces faintly. “Before I even noticed the bodies, I remember being puzzled, why were UIS forces on our side of the line? But then, I realised.”
As the testimony of the refugees would corroborate, the group had been pursued over the control line by Russian forces, intent on preventing them reaching Coalition military units. The refugees had come from Badghis Province, a territory that has now become known as the site of some of the most brutal atrocities of the Afghan War next to Kunduz.
“I immediately ordered our vehicles to pull up next to them, and the men in my vehicle – besides our gunner – to dismount. In retrospect, that was perhaps an unwise thing to do, given the tactical disadvantage we were operating at. But thankfully, the Russians seemed more puzzled by our presence than anything else.”
Calmly, ignoring the odds against his small force, the young Lieutenant approached the Russians and demanded to know who was in charge. “It turned out to be a UIS captain – I think he was Uzbek himself. I demanded to know what he was doing in our zone, he said that they’d been assisting Northern Alliance forces in searching out militants, and this group had fled, likely trying to pass off as refugees.” His lips set in a thin line at the memory. “It was so blatantly obvious that he was lying – we were speaking in English, and the few of his men who had English were laughing. But he thought that we’d just turn around, let him and those animals he was leading massacre women and children.”
Instead, Major Takahashi gave the order that ensured he would forever be remembered by the men and women of the Japan Self-Defence Forces. “I ordered my gunners to turn their weapons on them, and I ordered my men who’d dismounted to start leading the refugees away from the truck. The captain wasn’t expecting that – he asked me what I was doing, though with a few words that I doubt would be printable. I told him that this was our side of the line, and that we’d process the refugees, see if his story was true or not. I also told him that if any of his people moved towards us or the civilians, we’d open fire. He told me that they weren’t afraid of us, that they outnumbered us and they had more firepower. I said that that might be true, but even if they won, at least some of his men and their tame Northern Alliance killers would end up dead, maybe even him too. Then he got nasty, he said with all the death that Japanese soldiers had caused in the twentieth century, what the hell did I care if some Pashtuns got what was coming to them.” Major Takahashi’s back straightens, and just for a second, he looks like the soldier he is through and through. “I told him that whatever the Imperial Japanese Army had done in the past, the Japan Self-Defence Forces did not stand by and let murderers and criminals victimise the innocent.” He shakes his head ruefully. “I was lucky. They snarled at us a bit more, but they pulled back. They pulled back, and we got out of there…and we kept those people safe all the way back to Gulran.”
This incident, nearly unknown in the Western world, has become essentially a foundation myth for the SDF. Given their comparative lack of activity outside of Japan prior to the war in Afghanistan, the Gulran Standoff (as it’s gradually become to be known) has been held up by politicians and senior officers as the ideal to which all Japanese military personnel should hold. Major Takahashi, though, is modest in the extreme. “In retrospect, I was very reckless. Things could easily have gone wrong – without a generous measure of good luck, I and my men would have been dead.” He smiles briefly. “Though I was, and I remain, exceptionally proud of my men. They performed their duty admirably in the face of danger, and none of them flinched. Every one of those men with me that day had purest yamato-damashii.”
[AN - I figured this was a logical enough location for such an event, given that Badghis OTL saw the targeting of Pashtuns by the Northern Alliance - odds are it would have been even worse ITTL]
[FONT="]Foreign Affairs [09/23/2011][/FONT]
[FONT="]By Joshua Goodman[/FONT]
(Okoyama, Japan) Takahashi Kenzo is a Major now, but when he and two thousand other Japan Ground Self-Defence Force (JGSDF) troops were deployed to Afghanistan ten years ago, he was just a Lieutenant.
“I wasn’t anyone in particular,” he says, smiling shyly. “Just one of many very new, very inexperienced officers and men deployed in the wake of the American invasion.”
Major Takahashi doesn’t really look like a soldier. Skinny and of average height, and wearing large glasses, he looks more like a slightly older version of a high-school or college nerd. Yet this man is perhaps the closest thing that the modern Japanese military has to a war hero, and has been cited by many new recruits as their inspiration for joining the Self-Defence Forces.
His story begins in November of 2001, when the Diet of Japan determined to send a volunteer force of GSDF troops to support the American-led invasion of Afghanistan. Even then, at a time when the Self-Defence Forces were receiving expanded funding, the first foreign deployment of Japanese troops since World War II was highly controversial. “There were many in the Forces themselves who opposed the deployment,” Major Takahashi recalls. “Though obviously, we were deeply saddened and outraged by the attack on America, most of us had joined up to defend Japan, not to fight foreign wars on America’s behalf. Then too, there was the fact that – unheard of any other modern military – no member of the Self-Defence Forces had any combat experience, as we’d never even participated in UN peacekeeping missions.”
Indeed, even with the widespread acceptance and support of the Self-Defence Forces seen today in Japan, the Afghanistan deployment continues to attract criticism. Some have even speculated that the mission had far more cynical motivations behind it than a desire to help the United States – it has been theorised that the mission was part of a quid pro quo arrangement, that in return for American acquiescence and assistance in the Japanese military build-up of the late 1990s and 2000, the US government had extorted promises of Japanese military assistance in foreign wars.
“We weren’t active in the actual invasion,” Major Takahashi states. “We were deployed after the Taliban officially fell, to help with reconstruction work and to maintain order in liberated territory. Though it was made clear to us that we were to be…proactive in dealing with any militant activity, we weren’t to be passive in our reactions.”
The Japan Special Expeditionary Force was drawn from GSDF commands all over Japan – Takahashi himself had been stationed with the Northern Army in Hokkaido, but found himself serving with men from across the Home Islands. “Organisation was a major issue for the first few months of our deployment,” he notes ruefully. “It took a while before our men were able to work smoothly together.”
He grows more serious when asked about the darker side of the deployment. It has been estimated that over three hundred of the men of the Special Expeditionary Force had to be rotated back to Japan within half a year of their arrival in Herat Province, frequently suffering severe cases of post-traumatic stress. “We had…definite issues with morale,” he says carefully. “But it must be noted that, for a force that had no history or experience of combat, we performed acceptably. And our mission allowed us to develop a better knowledge and understanding of asymmetrical warfare, which allowed us to better educate our comrades who had remained in Japan when our deployment ended.”
The Japanese force was stationed in Herat Province, primarily responsible for Kohsan, Gulran and Kushk Districts in conjunction with other Coalition forces. This posting, right up against the line dividing Coalition and UIS-controlled territories in Afghanistan, would bring the Special Expeditionary Force into direct contact with the humanitarian impact of the Union of Independent States’ war effort in the north. “The entire province was awash with refugees,” Major Takahashi notes. “Mostly Pashtuns from the North, fleeing the Uzbek and Hazara-controlled areas – and, as we soon discovered, fleeing the UIS Army. It was a total security nightmare. The refugees had utterly no reason to love foreign troops, and most of them had brought weapons of one sort or another with them – any attempt to disarm them or to relocate them into camps could easily spiral into violence. Of course, such conditions were perfect for Taliban remnants.” He closes his eyes and bows his head slightly. “Many of our men – men under my command included – were killed or injured in Herat.”
He pauses briefly, but before I can suggest terminating the interview, he continues. “And yet, so often – what led refugees to react violently to us wasn’t hatred, it was fear. As we learned the local languages, as we began to – slowly – interact with them, stories about what was happening in the North began to circulate, stories that were confirmed by the soldiers of our allies.”
And yet, so much of this might have remained rumour until one day in mid-February, 2002.
“I was leading a patrol, about four kilometres East of Gulran village,” the Major recalls. “It was on a quiet stretch of road – though in Afghanistan, we learned to mistrust quiet places. There were fifteen of us, in a convoy of three Komatsu Light Armoured Vehicles. We were actually on the verge of ending the patrol, when it happened.”
On the road ahead, the Japanese convoy happened upon an unbelievable sight. “It was an old Toyota pickup truck, with…there were so many people on it, the flatbed was almost invisible. Mostly older men, women and children.”
In fact, as the then-Lieutenant’s report stated, the only younger men who were initially visible were in the vehicle’s driver and passenger seats, as well as four men on the road. All of whom were dead.
“Beyond them were maybe ten UIS soldiers, with a personnel carrier, and fifteen Uzbek militia – they were using old Soviet jeeps. The front of the pickup truck was riddled with large-calibre bullet holes, it was fairly clear what had happened.” He winces faintly. “Before I even noticed the bodies, I remember being puzzled, why were UIS forces on our side of the line? But then, I realised.”
As the testimony of the refugees would corroborate, the group had been pursued over the control line by Russian forces, intent on preventing them reaching Coalition military units. The refugees had come from Badghis Province, a territory that has now become known as the site of some of the most brutal atrocities of the Afghan War next to Kunduz.
“I immediately ordered our vehicles to pull up next to them, and the men in my vehicle – besides our gunner – to dismount. In retrospect, that was perhaps an unwise thing to do, given the tactical disadvantage we were operating at. But thankfully, the Russians seemed more puzzled by our presence than anything else.”
Calmly, ignoring the odds against his small force, the young Lieutenant approached the Russians and demanded to know who was in charge. “It turned out to be a UIS captain – I think he was Uzbek himself. I demanded to know what he was doing in our zone, he said that they’d been assisting Northern Alliance forces in searching out militants, and this group had fled, likely trying to pass off as refugees.” His lips set in a thin line at the memory. “It was so blatantly obvious that he was lying – we were speaking in English, and the few of his men who had English were laughing. But he thought that we’d just turn around, let him and those animals he was leading massacre women and children.”
Instead, Major Takahashi gave the order that ensured he would forever be remembered by the men and women of the Japan Self-Defence Forces. “I ordered my gunners to turn their weapons on them, and I ordered my men who’d dismounted to start leading the refugees away from the truck. The captain wasn’t expecting that – he asked me what I was doing, though with a few words that I doubt would be printable. I told him that this was our side of the line, and that we’d process the refugees, see if his story was true or not. I also told him that if any of his people moved towards us or the civilians, we’d open fire. He told me that they weren’t afraid of us, that they outnumbered us and they had more firepower. I said that that might be true, but even if they won, at least some of his men and their tame Northern Alliance killers would end up dead, maybe even him too. Then he got nasty, he said with all the death that Japanese soldiers had caused in the twentieth century, what the hell did I care if some Pashtuns got what was coming to them.” Major Takahashi’s back straightens, and just for a second, he looks like the soldier he is through and through. “I told him that whatever the Imperial Japanese Army had done in the past, the Japan Self-Defence Forces did not stand by and let murderers and criminals victimise the innocent.” He shakes his head ruefully. “I was lucky. They snarled at us a bit more, but they pulled back. They pulled back, and we got out of there…and we kept those people safe all the way back to Gulran.”
This incident, nearly unknown in the Western world, has become essentially a foundation myth for the SDF. Given their comparative lack of activity outside of Japan prior to the war in Afghanistan, the Gulran Standoff (as it’s gradually become to be known) has been held up by politicians and senior officers as the ideal to which all Japanese military personnel should hold. Major Takahashi, though, is modest in the extreme. “In retrospect, I was very reckless. Things could easily have gone wrong – without a generous measure of good luck, I and my men would have been dead.” He smiles briefly. “Though I was, and I remain, exceptionally proud of my men. They performed their duty admirably in the face of danger, and none of them flinched. Every one of those men with me that day had purest yamato-damashii.”
[AN - I figured this was a logical enough location for such an event, given that Badghis OTL saw the targeting of Pashtuns by the Northern Alliance - odds are it would have been even worse ITTL]