Robertson '88

[TyrannusZero]

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"It's no longer a matter of "if and when" these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, they've already done so! Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians under men like Robertson believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them. Mark my word, it's going to be a terrible damn problem this year."

- Senator Barry Goldwater to John W. Dean III during Pat Robertson's acceptance speech at the 1988 Republican National Convention

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Chapter 1/2: Jane and Mark


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From: Jane Woodman <jwoodman@csu.edu> Sent at 8:30 AM 9/16/2014
​

To: Mark Biggs <mbiggs@csu.edu> Read at 11:20 AM 9/16/2014
CC:
Subject: Weird Failed Presidential Candidates Project aka the
"annus horribilis" for Professor Smith's course

Good morning honey!

Sorry I left the apartment early, but unlike you, some of us aren't nite owls who take all of their classes in the afternoon! Okay, that out of the way and please, please please do not take what I'm about to say next in the wrong way, given how much I love you: Mark, sweetie, c'mon! I've been pulling my weight here this entire time in the one class we're taking together while you've been doing nothing but playing whatever Nintendo Playstation III game your weird little Korean friend who does even weirder animal dances gets from his friends at EBStop. Actually, we need to talk about him tonight, too.

Back to my original point, I need you to get up off your adorably sleepy ass, off the stupid video games(trust me, your House Stark Lives: Altered-whatever will still be there after you help me finish this), and help me out. Do you forget we're in this together? In case you forgot Professor Smith assigned us the infamous Robertson '88 campaign. I'm not even asking for that much: all I need you to do is research the into background of his wonderfully awful...thing. What does that mean, sweetie? I need you to cover the death of Vice President Bush in late '87 after he entered the race. I've got what happened to Dole and Kemp and even obscure anti-Robertson figures like McCloskey. Can you do that? I sure hope so, since the entirety of our grade relies on wowing the good professor with a credible presentation on why Pat Robertson failed in 1988.

Well dear, I'm off to my next class! I'll see you at 1 then.

Love,
Janey

P.S. If I don't see any effort on your part on our research project, expect to not get dessert after dinner. I cannot believe I have to threaten you with this for you to actually apply yourself to a class you've run circles around in the past.

P.P.S Don't forget, we're going to dinner at Elements tonight and we are going to talk about that little Korean fellow. I don't mind you two hanging out but does he have to come with us just about everywhere outside of date nights?

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From: Mark Biggs <mbiggs@csu.edu> Sent at 12:01 PM 9/16/2014
To: Jane Woodman <jwoodman@csu.edu> Read at 12:05 9/16/2014
CC:
Subject: RE: Weird Failed Presidential Candidates Project aka the
"annus horribilis" for Professor Smith's course

jeez baby, calm down. you know ive got this! bush was an easy five minute search on googler, and I'm going to paraphrase here: "all mainstream aviation experts agree on why the Bush campaign plane crashed so abruptly: a stray goose was sucked up into jet's engine, causing an impact that displaces it, striking another blade, which made a cascade occur, resulting in engine failure. When it happened here that stark day on November 12th, 1987, the plane plummeted out of the sky, crashing into the mountains of the Sierra Nevada causing the loss of all life on board the campaign jet, including Vice President Bush, his son, John Ellis Bush, and campaign manager Lee Atwater..." looks we're good to go there! oh hey, baby, did you know micheal bay used what happened here as the basis for his iconic "Hyper Rangers: Revenge of Warlord Zed" ultrasord space battle scene? i didn't. pretty cool! think professor smith will be fine with us adding that in under the "pop culture references"?

tell me what you think! gonna bring all the papers i printed off, too! i'll see you at 1 baby!

- mark
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While in the student center dining hall for a quick lunch, Jane audibly sighed after closing her laptop, wondering if Mark actually gave a fuck about the course, or more importantly, her. The research - if one could even deign to call it so - was piss poor and showed a haphazard rush to coast by doing as little as possible within the assignment parameters. Was he seriously going to give her this and expect it to be satisfactory? She understood completely that politics (nor history, for that matter) wasn't their strongest suit . But even she had to admit while delving into the candidate Smith assigned for them, his was a pretty interesting tragicomedic tale of how one man used faith, fear, and well-timed opportunistic power grabs in light of horrible events to capture the shell-shocked GOP's presidential nomination. Surely it had to be more interesting than a silly game you can change to your heart's content!

Wasn't the implied threat in the email not implicit enough? Do I need to yell at him in the hope it'll get through his thick skull in the hall before heading into class when we meet in another twenty minutes?

Sure, she loved Mark with all of her heart, but she started to think his antics were getting to be a bit extreme - to the point she was forced to play the role of the mother away from home. It wasn't like this in the beginning. Mark was kind, sweet, and sure, he loved his stupid Nintendo Playstation III, but not to the point it was distracting from college or her. Was saving a bad family of pulp nobility really more important than making her happy? Keeping their sterling grade point averages higher than the average at CSU? Ensuring they kept their scholarships? She leaned back in her chair in the dining hall and pondered. That's not what she was planning on when getting into a relationship. Maybe, just maybe, she had him and this entire relationship all wrong.....

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[SIZE=+1][SIZE=+1]"[/SIZE][/SIZE][SIZE=+1]This is God's power and he sent this tragedy to warn us...we needed a shock."[/SIZE]

- Pat Robertson, speaking candidly to an anonymous 700 Club staffer days after the tragic demise of Vice President George H.W. Bush

 

[TyrannusZero]

The voices in your head interviewing you, the author!
​

Why, just why?

Uh, why not? Who wasn't clamoring for a Pat Robertson themed AH short story?

Can't you just write a positive AH short story with a inspiring figure who isn't Pat fucking Robertson?

Good sir, where's the fun in that?

There's only like 7,000,000 other deserving, more interesting American political dark horses(for better or worse) out there who deserve a few gallons of digital ink expended on them.

For the last time, no one gives a damn about Wendell Willkie, Martin Luther King, Jr, Thomas Eagleton or Scruffy, everyone's favorite yellow dog Democrat. People nowadays are jaded. Like, super jaded, even. To rouse them out of this current alternate history doldrums, I'm going to start tackling figures so far out there, you're going to wish you thought of it first. Pat Robertson's quite the interesting figure, no doubt about it!


"Interesting" isn't the word I'd use to describe him.

Aw, c'mon, man! The good ex-reverend and current CEO of Regent University and Christian Broadcasting Network can leg bench press like 2,000 pounds even at his biblical four score and five years and sells delicious age-defying pancakes. Aren't those two of the most important qualities one needs when determining how interesting a political figure is?

...No.

Wow, you lack vision. Trust me on this. Things are going to be loads of fun.

(sighs) Fine. I'll trust you because I'm stuck here and there's no way out.

That's the spirit my friend!

 

[starwarsfan]

Interesting start, looking forward to more

 

[Constantinople]

Oh god, no. Please.

 

[Gonzo]

I'm liking this.

 

[dissentcontinues]

Will we have Handmaid's Tale references?

 

[Japhy]

I am excited to see where the nightmare goes.

 

[Orville_third]

Well, you may have killed off a relative through his marriage (who happened to fly Bush on AF1).
Still, this should be interesting...and hopefully a lot of bad things will be avoided!

 

[Paul V McNutt]

All right the weakest Republican of 1988 !!!!!
2016 Donald Trump
2012 Herman Cain
2008 Rudi Giuliani
1996, 1992 Pat Buchanan
1980 Phil Crane
1968 Ronald Reagan
1964 Barry Goldwater

 

[Emperor Julian]

I wonder if Goldwater will vote for Ron Paul or the Democrats. Maybe he'll just write in his own name or something. Judging by the description, it looks like Robertson won't win in '88. But maybe we've been misled - what a disaster!

 

[Lost Freeway]

Well, you may have killed off a relative through his marriage (who happened to fly Bush on AF1).
Still, this should be interesting...and hopefully a lot of bad things will be avoided!

Mind specifying those "bad things?" Because I'm pretty sure they'll be replaced by even worse "things"!

 

[TyrannusZero]

Chapter 1: Our Fathers Are Dying Before Our Eyes

"I used to believe the most the ten most dangerous words in the English language were "Hi, I'm from the government, and I'm here to help." Oh, Nancy, how wrong I was. Oh how very wrong I was."

- President Ronald Reagan to Nancy Reagan during the funeral of Jack Kemp on February 9th, 1988.

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From the laptop of Jane Woodman, started on September 11th, 2014, last accessed at 6:57 PM on September 17th, 2014

Notes:
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[FONT=&quot]

[FONT=&quot]Assignment: With a partner(Mark!), research one of the approved failed presidential or congressional campaigns and [FONT=&quot]give an oral presentation along with a fifteen-page paper on why said candidate’s campaign failed miserably and if politicians from any party learned inherent lessons stemming from said failure. Don’t forget to add in background as to why your chosen candidate was able to capture his/her party’s nomination for that year! You and your partner may also include any and all interesting tidbits stemming from the campaign itself including, but not limited to: socio-economic and political ramifications during and after, interesting pop culture tidbits and whatever else you deem necessary to show the long-lasting impact of this candidate’s failed aspirations to either the White House or Congress.
[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Counts for up to 30% of our final grade!




[/FONT]


Reasons why Pat Robertson was able to capture the Republican nomination for President in 1988:


I. Strange deaths of major GOP establishment figures over a few months leading up to the Iowa caucus and New Hampshire primary – paving the way for a Robertson victory by him taking advantage of the successive tragedies.

a. First death? Vice President George Bush on 11/12/1987: catastrophic plane failure via goose sucked into the engine over the Sierra Nevada Mountains, leading to the death of all hands onboard. In addition to the loss of Bush and his younger son, many of the GOP’s top advisers who joined his nascent campaign died as well. Important there was the death of Lee Atwater, who I feel might’ve been able to make even Pat Robertson look like JFK should he survived that terrible plane crash.

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b. Second death? Coming in a month after Bush’s tragic end would be Senator Bob Dole on 12/15/1987. Cause of death? Unintentional vehicular manslaughter. Already shaken up by the death of the Vice President mere days after announcing his bid for the presidency, Senator Dole visited the headquarters of the Cuyahoga County Republicans on West 3rd Street in the middle of December. Giving what many attendees recall was a rousing Reagan-esque speech expressing admiration for the dead vice president and a promise of better days to come, it had many influential political pundits and donors consider the senator a front runner for the nomination against Kemp and Robertson and a force for stabilization in what was quickly becoming a volatile race post-Bush death as the remaining candidates sought out Bush’s donor network and supporters. Sadly, however, other events took over. While leaving with his wife and entourage, a drunk driver(BAC .20?) careened his car at 65 MPH onto the sidewalk and directly into the path of Senator Dole. Violently struck, and thrown onto the cold ground on his head, Dole suffered from grievous injuries – both external and internal. Put into a medically induced coma on December 17th, he passed away Christmas, 1987 stemming from complications during surgery to lessen the detected swelling in his brain.

i. With his death(and crippling of wife Elizabeth – died 1996 in a hospice center? Will make Mark do more digging into the cause of death? I do not give a fuck if he bitches and moans about it.) GOP resolve began to seriously weaken in the face of Pat Robertson’s charismatic momentum which went into the stratosphere. Remaining “serious” candidates were at this point Jack Kemp, Governor DuPont, and longshots such as Donald Rumsfeld and perennial candidates like Stassen were left to pick up the pieces. Many other potential top-tier Republicans became spooked in light of the recent string of untimely deaths and decided to either withdraw or refuse to enter the primaries, even with President Reagan personally beseeching them to join.

c. Third death? The epitome of “bleeding heart conservatism” and now seen as the main rival to Pat Robertson’s own unique brand of conservatism: Representative Jack Kemp. After coming in a surprising second to a white-hot Robertson(Iowa Caucus results? 44% Robertson, 27% Kemp, 21% DuPont, 4% Bush, 4% Dole; the latter two were called the “Dead Man’s Eight” in popular culture ever after.) What happened? The Kemp campaign bus spontaneously explodes due to a terrible series of mistakes on the way to a rally in Concord. When did it occur? The morning of January 31st, 1988. After a period of campaigning in or around southern New Hampshire trying to capitalize on the stronger than expected showing in Iowa, Kemp was calling himself “the Comeback Kid” and polls had him inching up towards Robertson. For a couple weeks afterwards, many commentators expected a long drawn-out two person race between the now front-runner, Robertson, and Kemp. Why? Despite suffering through a intense, sustained downright scurrilous direct mailing campaign throughout December implying he secretly homosexual (dredging up old Esquire magazine rumors relating to the scandal rocking Reagan’s Sacramento office tangentially related to Kemp) and would push for a very anti-Christian agenda if elected crafted for the Robertson campaign in Iowa by a very creative lackey of recent Robertson ally, eldest son of the deceased vice president, George W. Bush, Kemp was able to weather it and was effectively counter-punching against Robertson’s criticisms. That all came to an end when due to a mistake when campaign workers were changing the oil on Kemp’s bus, negligently spilling some onto the ground and around the bus. Kemp, unaware of the oil spillage, gets into the bus to prepare himself for his speech in Concord that afternoon. One of his campaign workers was enjoying a smoke, and flicked the still lit butt onto the ground…forgetting that there was oil all around. The bus burned for minutes before EMTs could respond and douse the flames out. Kemp(and a majority of his campaign staff who accompanied him to New Hampshire) died on the way to the hospital, suffering from fourth-degree burns.

d. Pete McCloskey? Kind of obscure – died from a heart attack around 1986?(Again, will make Mark delve into him since it’s reported he may or may not have begun to write a letter questioning Pat Robertson’s military credentials during the Korean War.)




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“After he came to offer his condolences and support for my family in these dark times, I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy and holy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his righteous soul; a man deeply committed to God and the best interests of our country.”

- George W. Bush, son of the deceased Vice President Bush, explaining why he's coming out in support of Pat Robertson.
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[Gonzo]

So much death...

 

[GrayJ12]

Interresting and unique.Looking forward to more.

Sidenote:Nitendo PlayStation III? Did Sony merge with Nitendo in this universe?

 

[Gordian]

So much death...

Blood for the blood god, which is Pat Robertson.

The Kemp campaign bus spontaneously explodes

Subscribed.

 

[David T]

Howard Baker would almost certainly reconsider his decision not to run for president with Bush and Dole and Kemp dead--and Reagan would probably approve the resignation of his Chief of Staff to head off a disaster for the party. True, many filing deadlines would be past, but many would remain.

 

[Octosteel]

Howard Baker would almost certainly reconsider his decision not to run for president with Bush and Dole and Kemp dead--and Reagan would probably approve the resignation of his Chief of Staff to head off a disaster for the party. True, many filing deadlines would be past, but many would remain.

Baker would also randomly die, perhaps turning into a pillar of salt. God has demanded that none will stand before Pat Robertson. I'm still waiting for Dukakis, Jackson, Gore, Gephardt, and Cuomo to also be inexplicably killed.

 

[David T]

Baker would also randomly die, perhaps turning into a pillar of salt. God has demanded that none will stand before Pat Robertson. I'm still waiting for Dukakis, Jackson, Gore, Gephardt, and Cuomo to also be inexplicably killed.

Actually, the entire country dies other than Robertson, making him winner by default.

 

[Octosteel]

Actually, the entire country dies other than Robertson, making him winner by default.

He would proceed to give himself every possible title in the country. President Secretary General Admiral Senator Speaker Sheriff Reverend Pat Robertson, PhD.

 

[Lost Freeway]

a. First death? Vice President George Bush on 11/12/1987: catastrophic plane failure via goose sucked into the engine over the Sierra Nevada Mountains, leading to the death of all hands onboard. In addition to the loss of Bush and his younger son, many of the GOP’s top advisers who joined his nascent campaign died as well. Important there was the death of Lee Atwater, who I feel might’ve been able to make even Pat Robertson look like JFK should he survived that terrible plane crash.
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I call BULLSHIT. The loss of an engine alone should not be enough to cause a plane to crash. Even if it's a single-engine plane, the pilot should be able to execute a deadstick landing.