"What Madness Is This?" Volume I: The Union Forever

[dianaswordofsappho]

I want a new Irish State in Argentina

In the south

With a warm water port

And blackjack and hookers!

 

[Prince Daemon Targaryen]

Really loving the recent updates! The Strong Man Theory stuff was even weirder than I expected (and I love it). Also, it's interesting to see how the Union is literally becoming a Nationalist Socialist state (with all that implies).

Someone who really needs to make an appearance in this TL is Cecil Rhodes. For crying out loud, the man was a power-hungry, Anglo-Saxon supremacist, imperialist Rome fanboy IOTL! It would be criminal for him not to show up in some way. Personally, I'd like to either see him be an Anglo-American businessman/imperialist who perhaps governs Panama and other parts of Central America (after the Union takes them), or he could be England's first "Strong Man" leader who perhaps finagles his way into gaining some land for Albion.

I also think a Black Goodyear would be an interesting addition, either in the form of Booker T. Washington or W.E.B. Dubois (who would obviously anglicize his name). Perhaps they take advantage of Yankee imperialism in Central America and create the cocaine lozenges that were so beloved in Classic? They would obviously diversify into other healthy, wholesome cocaine and morphine based products as they became wealthier!

Finally, I wonder what my darling Carolina is up to?

EDIT: How about George Washington Carver as the Black Goodyear/Inventor of the Yankee Drug Problem?

Cecil Rhodes as England's Lincoln to Churchill's Custer/Steele

 

[Murica1776]

Ladies and Gentlemen, the newest War Hymn of the Confederation!

Chancellor Jackson's March

Custer has only got one ball
Steele has two but very small
Lincoln's atook to shrinkin
But poor old Oswald has no balls at all

 

[Napoleon53]

What's really ironic about the environment question is I thought of maybe Joe Steele creating the national parks and the Environmental Protection Department in the 20th century.

So no 6/6/06 nuclear holocaust?

That's for me to know and for everyone to find out. lol

I like the update, especially the culture. One nitpick: "Custerville" sounds too French for the RU to use. I thing a better name would be either "Custerburg/Custerburgh", Custerbury, or Custerlet (a portmanteau of "Custer" and "hamlet"). Also, what is the Capitol Building used for now that the National Assembly has been disbanded (at least for now)?

Fixed! I should have thought of that. It was like 4am though. lol Custerburg it is.

I would say the Capitol will eventually get its own chapter, but it's likely the offices of the various Departments of the government as well as likely the Army High Command. Sort of like the Pentagon.

 

[Simeon]

So no 6/6/06 nuclear holocaust?

No, the neofeudalism after the 6/6/06, rather.

 

[Napoleon53]

As we prepare to mourn the passing of the legendary "L'Aiglon" in the next chapter, the Bonaparte-Hapsburg Conqueror of the Holy Land and heir to the Crusaders, here's an OTL movie poster that looks like something straight out of the Madnessverser Imperial propaganda machine:

Also, holy crap guys, this:

 

[AmericanAdam]

View attachment 425077

Every once in a while, you just know when you've found the perfect portrait for a fictional character. I present to thee Midas Goldstein. The background behind him gave me an idea: make him from Texas/Redemption/Lewisland this time around. A real down-home Jewish cowpoke. Definitely not a death camp scientist hellbent on sewing Irish people together to see what happens. Heavens no! The "Black Jew?" That's just a conspiracy theory, you crazypants! Maybe he even eventually runs a nuclear testing facility out west in 2.0 after gaining infamy at Camp 222.

Haha! I remember the Black Jew of Camp 222

 

[Napoleon53]

CHAPTER 43
THE UNITED EMPIRE OF EUROPA

The Declaration of the United Empire of Europa in Paris​

Lithograph depicting the Ascendance of Napoleon II's soul to Heaven and his father
​

The passing of Napoleon II in 1883 at the age of 72 shook Europe and the world to its core. For decades, he had proven himself a worthy successor to his father; perhaps even better than him. Napoleon II went very quickly. For years a virile man with no health problems to speak of, he contracted pneumonia in late 1882 and spiraled quickly out of control and then was diagnosed with liver cancer in early 1883, passing in October. Though everyone knew he would pass soon, it couldn't have come at a worse time. The Republican Union was rapidly solidifying under Custer's Manifest Destiny Party and Napoleon III, Prince of Bombay (Crown Prince) was an obtuse, fat little man with a history of heart problems and a reputation for caring more for wine, women, and song than actually matters of import. The coronation of Napoleon III was long-planned to be a glorious day, heralding the birth of the United Empire of Europa, a new continent-spanning superstate unseen since the glory days of Rome. The creation of the state was meant to bring lasting peace and to make the Reich and Russia too afraid to ever raise a hand against it.

Caesar Napoleon III

Napoleon III shortly after his 1883 coronation
​

The funeral of the Heir to the Crusaders was one of the most epic events in European history. Even in Russia and the Reich, flags flew at half-staff out of respect for a man who, while placed in a position of extreme power and danger, successfully destroyed the Ottoman Empire and brought the Holy Land back into Christian hands. He was also well-liked even by most of his rivals, with the Russian Czar remarking, "Truly a great man has passed. His father was a once-in-a-lifetime persona, and to follow up such an act and achieve even greater heights is extraordinary. He also conducted himself with dignity and respected friend and foe alike, and this is why I have ordered the Russian flag lowered today in his honor. The old lion is dead. May he find peace in the next world with God our father."

From California to Jerusalem to Rome, tens of thousands of flags were lowered and trumpets blared their final respect. Paris itself became draped in black, with one reporter from Scotland likening it to "as if laughter was illegal. The people everywhere mourn the loss of Napoleon II like a beloved member of their family." Frederic Chopin, renown Polish composer, had recently moved to the Empire from the Reich as part of the Polish Diaspora, and for one final time he penned a masterpiece: Death of L'Aiglon. The dirge was played as ten Imperial guards, one a hobbled veteran of the Great Wars of the Empire, marched his casket into the Notre Dame Cathedral. There, thirty thousand veterans and citizens gathered, torches in hand and in the pouring rain, and once again sang the Chant du Depart. Then, 200 Roman Catholic monks sang, for the first time in centuries, an ancient Crusader hymn of Old Jerusalem. The Pope, Caesar's cousin, officiated the funeral, and the Swiss Guard and the Knights of Jerusalem shared shifts guarding the coffin with the Imperial Guard. For his achievements in destroying Muslim power over the Holy Land and restoring it to Christian rule for the first time a thousand years, as well as living a "clean and moral Christian life and putting his faith above all other things," the Papacy canonized him as a Saint.

The earthly remains of Saint Caesar Napoleon II, the Great, on their way to Notre Dame Cathedral​

Napoleon III ascended to the Imperial Throne of Europa on Christmas Day, 1883, after a courtesy waiting period out of respect for his late father. Already, 24 year-old Napoleon IV - now Prince of Bombay - knew a disastrous reign might be at hand. It was the young prince who carefully held together the Empire as the old borders separating Austria-Hungary and France-Spain officially dissolved and became a new Europa. There was some insurrectionist talk in several places around the greater Empire, especially in Austria and the Middle East. Even in Holland, where King Louis Napoleon I had passed in 1875, leaving the throne to his son Louis Napoleon II, there was talk about pulling out of the Empire. Louis Napoleon II loathed his cousin, and reportedly called him "a lecherous, womanizing pile of shit" in private. Napoleon III, in turn, was completely clueless about Holland's feelings toward him and eagerly asked Louis Napoleon II to stand beside him at the coronation in Paris. The Dutch king reluctantly agreed to save face. Napoleon IV, however, was no dolt, and he saw the risks of fracture on the horizon.

Official flag of the United Empire of Europa​

Simplified flag of the United Empire of Europa​

Napoleon III immediately made several mistakes upon coming to power. He openly stated that, "Europa means peace. We seek peace, and we shall always maintain the Pax Napoleonica as long as I am Cesar." This was all Custer needed to hear to know he could attack Mexico and Napoleon III would do nothing to stop him. The Imperial Army was not pleased with such complacency either, and the leadership knew that Russia and the Reich would also see it as open season around the globe to push the Empire around. Shocking themselves, they began wishing for Caesar to die. Soon, wishes became actions. The final act of Napoleon III before he died was to make his eldest daughter, Marie, Queen of the Kingdom of Quebec. The creation of Quebec was concocted by the Prince of Bombay to solidify Canada in the event of a war. The idea was that if something should cut off the colony from the motherland, Quebec could continue Bonapartist rule and not simply fall into disarray or Union control. It also concentrated power in Catholic and densely-populated Quebec, leaving the rest of Canada a colony of the Empire proper.

Another tipping point with the War Council came in Ireland. Joseph Bonaparte's son King Dominic I died at 79 in 1877. His son Dominic II (born 1828) was crowned at age 49. Ireland and the Republic of Scotland still detested each other in 1890, and when Napoleon III considered taking troops out of the bastion of Fort Scotia, a small slice of Imperial soil which helped keep the peace between the Irish and Scots, his cousin Dominic II talked him into leaving them. This idea of withdrawing troops from a legal territory was repugnant to the Imperial Army and had never been done in decades.

In 1890, just a few years after the Union invasion of Mexico and growing disconnect between the Kingdom of Holland and Europa, several members of the Imperial War Council began a plot that would reach to the very heart of the Imperial family: the Prince of Bombay himself. Napoleon IV was as frustrated with his father as anyone else, and knew that a major conflict was brewing on the horizon and that Europa was entirely unprepared for whatever that conflict might hold (likely carnage on an unimaginable scale). What finally tipped the scales was the Treaty of Metropolis, wherein Napoleon III gladly signed the Empire into a shipping deal through the Panama Canal. Napoleon II had declared a trade embargo on the Union before his death in response to Custer's wanton aggression and radical fascism, and now here was his heir gladly scraping the Continental System and reopening trade. This was an obvious ploy by Custer to be able to hurt the Empire by controlling its trade as much as possible. Napoleon IV had had enough. Shockingly, he and the War Council began a plot to assassinate his father "before anymore damage can be done to the Empire and our forefathers' legacy."

On March 18, 1890, as Napoleon III was enjoying a fine dinner by himself of three steaks, a cake, a side of bacon, and copious side dishes, he began coughing uncontrollably. After a while, he seemed to recover himself and drank several glasses of wine. But one hour later he began vomiting and fell to the floor, writhing in agony and clutching his chest. Napoleon IV was "alerted" and he and several members of the Imperial Guard rushed into the room to find Caesar dead on the floor in a puddle of his vomit, his breeches soaked with his own bodily fluids. Napoleon III - Caesar of Europa and the boy for whom Napoleon II had waged his wars in order to leave the strongest empire the world has ever seen to - died alone in a puddle of his own vomit, poisoned by his own son and his staff. Napoleon III was quickly embalmed and readied for funeral, the cause of death listed as "heart attack" by his personal doctor, Dr. Henri Roseau.

Caesar Napoleon IV​

The response to Napoleon III's death was so lackluster that it truly showed how much the Pax Napoleonica had eroded in just a handful of years. While every major head of state attended the funeral, once again in Notre Dame, and while once again the Imperial Guard stood respectfully by his coffin for every second as mourners robed in black passed by, there were no laurels. No hymns of glory. No sonnets of sainthood. No victories to celebrate that didn't involve breasts or hors d’oeuvres. While Napoleon I had left behind a legacy of founding the greatest empire the world had ever seen, and Napoleon II had left behind a legacy of expanding it and liberating the Holy Land, Napoleon III left nothing behind but a stain on the floor of the dining hall of Fontainebleau and weakened Empire. Now, it was up to Caesar Napoleon IV, now 31, to right the ship and get the Empire back into stride before something catastrophic could happen. His coronation was the most militaristic sight Paris had seen since the return of Caesar from conquering the Holy Land. Napoleon IV forwent a carriage, and instead rode on a brown Arabian stallion in full uniform as an Imperial Dragoon, flanked by 20,000 soldiers and with as much pompous showmanship he could muster to show the world that the Empire was back.

In the Confederation of the Rhine, Napoleon III's step-brother High King Francis Joseph I showed no signs of ill-health and was Napoleon IV's crown-bearer at the coronation. Francis Joseph was always working in conjunction with Paris, but every so often he did show a little independent spirit, but he tried to be a good uncle to his adopted nephew. By the 1890s, the Rheinbund was no longer a minor country, but a legitimate and respected power. In Holland, Louis Napoleon I had annexed a vast amount of Asian territory during his rule, and Louis Napoleon II carried on the same legacy, invading several Indochinese countries, the Zulu Kingdom in southern Africa and parts of southern mainland China in the next couple decades. Holland had become a great power when no one was even looking, and it enhanced their prestige so much they actually started doing things independently, whether Caesar thought it was good or not. Louis Napoleon II put Holland on the map as a force to be reckoned with. Napoleon IV resented Louis Napoleon I, and always considered him to be the "black sheep" of the Bonaparte family. Holland was the only country within the greater Bonapartist empire that did not have a Catholic majority, and the people felt a growing disconnect with Paris.

Meanwhile, another royal family was experiencing a shakeup in the east, and the "Heir to Genghis Khan" was about to announce himself to the world....

"With drums drumming, out came the shout! Vive l'Cesar! Vive l'Empire éternel!"
Caesar Napoleon IV (center) addresses the Imperial Army in full parade uniform shortly after his coronation

The Grand Imperial Parade of 1890

Royal families of Europe make their way to the coronation of Napoleon IV

Queen Marie I of Quebec

King Louis Napoleon II, King of Holland

Portrait of the Royal Family of the Rheinbund

​

List of Bonaparte-Hapsburg Leaders of the 1860s-1900:

• Napoleon II (born 1811 died 1883) Caesar of the United Empire of France and Spain, Emperor of the United Empire of Brazil and Rio de la Plata, Pharaoh of Egypt, Mediator of the Helvetic Confederation, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Grand Protector of the Levant, Lord of Mann, Grand Master of the Knights of Jerusalem
  
• Napoleon III (born 1839 died 1890) Caesar of the United Empire of Europa, Emperor of the United Empire of Brazil and Rio de la Plata, Pharaoh of Egypt, Mediator of the Helvetic Confederation, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Grand Protector of the Levant, Lord of Mann, Grand Master of the Knights of Jerusalem
  
• Napoleon IV (born 1859) Caesar of the United Empire of Europa, Emperor of the United Empire of Brazil and Rio de la Plata, Pharaoh of Egypt, Mediator of the Helvetic Confederation, Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine, Grand Protector of the Levant, Lord of Mann, Grand Master of the Knights of Jerusalem
  
• Napoleon V (born 1877) Prince of Bombay
  
• Francis Joseph I (Franz Josef I) (born 1830) High King of the Confederation of the Rhine
• Massimiliano I (born 1832) King of Italy, Count of Vienna
• Charles Louis I (born 1833) King of Andorra
• Carlotta I (born 1824 died 1876) Queen of the Two Sicilies
• Carlo I (born 1847) King of the Two Sicilies
• Dominic I (born 1798 died 1877) King of Ireland
• Dominic II (born 1828) King of Ireland
• Marie I (born 1858) Queen of Quebec
• Louis Napoleon I (born 1808 died 1875) King of Holland
• Louis Napoleon II (born 1856) King of Holland
• Elisa Napoleona I (born 1806 died 1897) Princess of Lucca and Piombino
• Adriana I (born 1849) Princess of Lucca and Piombino (mother Elisa Napoleona II died at childbirth)

King Carlo I of the Two Sicilies

King Dominic II of Ireland

Princess Adriana I of Lucca and Piombino

Napoleon V, Prince of Bombay

Map of the world in 1883​

 

[John Spangler]

I sense troubles ahead. A house divided cannot stand, and that goes for the Bonapartes, too.

 

[XFE]

Loved the cultural update--Harold Porter in particular. I hope we get to see how American culture evolves as the years roll on later in the timeline. Though one quibble:

In exchange, Custer cut all cotton and tobacco supplies to Bonapartist realms. A major rush on the banks in Europe followed with the Empire scrambling to double the supplies of cotton coming in from India.

I have a hard time believing that the Empire would be running out of, of all things, cotton. After all, France holds dominion over not only India, but Egypt too, the latter of which almost singlehandedly supported Europe's demand for cotton after Indian independence during Nehru's rule. If anything, I would have thought the Southern plantation owners would be the ones freaking out.

Though I suppose that wouldn't be the worst thing for Custer. Eliminating the financial base of his Southron, plantation owning opponents goes a long way to snuffing out Southron nationalism and political strength, and to solidify Yankee dominance. Might even help push along the de-agriculturalization of the American economy.

But of course, hail, Caesar!

 

[Napoleon53]

I sense troubles ahead. A house divided cannot stand, and that goes for the Bonapartes, too.

Nonsense. The Empire is eternal and Napoleon IV is a glorious servant of Christ and the heavy hand needed to bring the glory of France and Europa into the next century. Haha! No seriously. Do not doubt Caesar. DOES SOMEBODY NEED A POISONIN'?

Loved the cultural update--Harold Porter in particular. I hope we get to see how American culture evolves as the years roll on later in the timeline. Though one quibble:
I have a hard time believing that the Empire would be running out of, of all things, cotton. After all, France holds dominion over not only India, but Egypt too, the latter of which almost singlehandedly supported Europe's demand for cotton after Indian independence during Nehru's rule. If anything, I would have thought the Southern plantation owners would be the ones freaking out.

Though I suppose that wouldn't be the worst thing for Custer. Eliminating the financial base of his Southron, plantation owning opponents goes a long way to snuffing out Southron nationalism and political strength, and to solidify Yankee dominance. Might even help push along the de-agriculturalization of the American economy.

Hmmm... this is a very valid point. I may very well scrub that reference. Although I do imagine Custer wants to industrialize the Old South. The West can be the dustbow-er uh I mean bread basket. Yes, no problems there. Plenty of food.

 

[Napoleon53]

So I just edited in DocBrown's Worlda maps into the appropriate chapters. No more dredging through trying to find them!

Also just came up with an alternative Europan flag. If anyone has ideas, post away! I'm going for a more simple look for the non-parade banner. Something sleeker that could be easier to eventually put on vehicles and planes and such.

 

[HIM Dogson]

Does the Empire of Europa have any plans of eventually absorbing the vassal Bonapartist states? Also is there a land connection between France and Austria in this version?

 

[Napoleon53]

Does the Empire of Europa have any plans of eventually absorbing the vassal Bonapartist states?

Also is there a land connection between France and Austria in this version?

This could be a point of future contention. Especially with places like Holland growing increasingly weary of Imperial rule. Technically all of them are a part of the Empire and the Continental System. If Napoleon IV wants to keep everyone in line, he might back off for a while on absorbing his cousins. Maybe a "League of Nations" to make them feel important but not really have any power. It'd be a logical next step in their alliance. But let's face it, a lot of the current satellite kings and nobles only exist as basically secretaries in charge of running a region of the empire for Caesar. Most of them know they serve at the pleasure of their cousin. But people like Louis Napoleon II might get powerful enough to start doubting this is the way it always will be.

Coming very soon I'll talk about "Europan citizenship." Those living in Bonapartist Europe will have a "Europan Passport," enabling them to travel between all the satellites and member-states with ease and minimal trouble. In the 20th century, you could get in your Model T* and drive from Paris, through Italy, and into Budapest with only routine safety precautions and minimal interference. Crossing into, say the Reich, though, and you have a whole different time. The Empire would probably use friendly travel between members of the Empire to gradually try to erode their sovereignty.

 

[DocBrown]

So I just edited in DocBrown's Worlda maps into the appropriate chapters. No more dredging through trying to find them!

Also just came up with an alternative Europan flag. If anyone has ideas, post away! I'm going for a more simple look for the non-parade banner. Something sleeker that could be easier to eventually put on vehicles and planes and such.

View attachment 425296

This flag, but remove the blue rectangle and under the talons have a long French tricolor in a banner style similar to the red banner written with "Custer Youth Brigade" on the CYB flag from the original.

 

[Napoleon53]

This flag, but remove the blue rectangle and under the talons have a long French tricolor in a banner style similar to the red banner written with "Custer Youth Brigade" on the CYB flag from the original.

I feel like it needs to not scream "You're part of France now" in the non-parade variant. Something which could gain popularity as representing Southern Europeans in general (half the Empire probably speaks German). That's why my first draft is the plain blue flag.

 

[DocBrown]

I feel like it needs to not scream "You're part of France now" in the non-parade variant. Something which could gain popularity as representing Southern Europeans in general (half the Empire probably speaks German). That's why my first draft is the plain blue flag.

Or just a plain blue banner instead of the French tricolor to represent Napoleon's Grand Armee.

 

[Sunstone77]

Off the top of my head, I suggest golden eagle at centre, two swords in white behind it on a deep blue background, with thick deep-red fields either side. Traditional colours and symbols for a lot of nations without screaming “FRENCH!”

I’d also suggest simplifying the eagle. It’s a beautiful design but I imagine it’s an absolute pain to mass produce and a lot of that detail is lost at a distance. Maybe something akin to the Panem eagle but holding and laurel instead of arrows.

If flag maker worked on my damned computer, I’d throw together a rough mock-up

 

[Napoleon53]

At least there's a while before I need it absolutely. I imagine the Empire will use the traditional Eagle until the WWI equivalent, when the flashy bits start going to the wayside.

Tomorrow: Custer strikes Mexico!

Ontario women are fond and free
and Texas lips are willing
and soft the maids of Oregon
and New York eyes are thrilling
Still though I bask beneath their smiles
their charms quite fail to bind me
and my heart calls back to Salvation Springs
to the girl I left behind me

She's beautiful, my joy and pride
and purer than cool water
but away on my horse I ride
to fight for President Custer
yet since to Mexico I rode away
her letters oft remind me
that I should return to Salvation Springs
to the girl I left behind me

Also, this seems to quite fit this TL:

 

[Whiteshore]

Meanwhile, another royal family was experiencing a shakeup in the east, and the "Heir to Genghis Khan" was about to announce himself to the world....

Tsar Sternberg?