When you put it like this, it almost sounds like the only thing we were missing OTL was a """church""" willing and able to harmonize these lovely works of journalism into a full theological system of hate, arrogance, and ouija boards. Every day gives me another reason to despise the AFC.
"What Madness Is This?" Volume I: The Union Forever
- Thread starter Napoleon53
- Start date
When you put it like this, it almost sounds like the only thing we were missing OTL was a """church""" willing and able to harmonize these lovely works of journalism into a full theological system of hate, arrogance, and ouija boards. Every day gives me another reason to despise the AFC.
GrayCatbird42
Banned
Correction, the newspaper was called The Protestant Vindicator. It was published in New York in the 1830s and 1840s.
Here are some choice headlines and excerpts:
"Horrid massacres by the Church of Rome!" - "No computation....can reach the numbers who have been put to death, in different ways, on account of maintaining the profession of the gospel, and opposing the corruption of the church of Rome."
"Death of Talleyrand" - "This singular man lived and died....and atheist. Yet he died in the bosom of holy mother. What a collection of astounding profligates, and impious men, and atheists, are in the Roman Catholic paradise!"
"Immigration" - "....we gave the most probable amount of the increase of the Roman Catholics from 1831 to 1838. We estimated the increase to be from 600,000 to one million eight hundred thousand! This is an appalling increase in numbers.....Popery is a political system of absolute despotism over the bodies, and property, and souls of men. These are the men of the pope's army, who are invading us in dense columns, and in regular colonies."
Just change a bit of terminology and these would've been right at home in the Madnessverse.
Here are some choice headlines and excerpts:
"Horrid massacres by the Church of Rome!" - "No computation....can reach the numbers who have been put to death, in different ways, on account of maintaining the profession of the gospel, and opposing the corruption of the church of Rome."
"Death of Talleyrand" - "This singular man lived and died....and atheist. Yet he died in the bosom of holy mother. What a collection of astounding profligates, and impious men, and atheists, are in the Roman Catholic paradise!"
"Immigration" - "....we gave the most probable amount of the increase of the Roman Catholics from 1831 to 1838. We estimated the increase to be from 600,000 to one million eight hundred thousand! This is an appalling increase in numbers.....Popery is a political system of absolute despotism over the bodies, and property, and souls of men. These are the men of the pope's army, who are invading us in dense columns, and in regular colonies."
Just change a bit of terminology and these would've been right at home in the Madnessverse.
"Fingering my cranial bumps" is one of my favorite phrases of all time. Also, sorry for the sideways pictures. I had to upload to my flickr from my phone and forgot to rotate. Lol
All together now, children! *blows pitch pipe*
Awaken ye Yankees and guard the School House
Defend the flower of youth
No Mulligan Guards in our schools
Stand strong for freedom and truth
In lands where the Papists hold longest dominion
Is ignorance, sin, and crime
Defend now the Little Red School House
Forever pure, sublime.
Little Red School House, teach us the sign
your children are waiting to see
The morning will come when the world is mine,
All Hail our Destiny.
Awaken ye Yankees and guard the School House
Defend the flower of youth
No Mulligan Guards in our schools
Stand strong for freedom and truth
In lands where the Papists hold longest dominion
Is ignorance, sin, and crime
Defend now the Little Red School House
Forever pure, sublime.
Little Red School House, teach us the sign
your children are waiting to see
The morning will come when the world is mine,
All Hail our Destiny.
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Was playing some call of duty:finest hour and the beginning Stalingrad speech I think can fit Madness! America quite well with a few tweaks, especially if it comes from Madness! George Patton or even Madness! Dwight D. Eisenhower. Combined it with some of Eisenhower's D-Day speech.
"Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen...you are about to embark upon the Great Crusade towards which we and our forefathers have striven these many decades. The eyes of Jehovah, the Patriot-Saints, and your ancestors are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving men and women everywhere march with you. You are about to embark upon the greatest moment of your life. The Slavs have lost hundreds of landships and planes. Russia's brutalized hordes are now advancing towards Port Steele over mountains of their own dead bodies. Our Manifest Destiny Party, our Nation, our God, our Pinnacle Blood, have given us the task and ability not to let the enemy reach the heartland and to defend the city of Port Steele. In company with our brave brothers-in-arms on other fronts, you will help bring about the destruction of the Russian war machine, the elimination of Illuminist Inferior Tyranny over the oppressed Betters of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.
Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well-trained and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely. Forward against the enemy! Up into unremitting battle, men, for Port Steele, for Jehovah, for Steele! Not one step back! Cowards and Traitors will be shot! Do not count days! Do not count miles! Count only the number of Russians you have killed! Kill the Russian - this is your mother's prayer. Kill the Satanist Inferior!- this is the cry of Jehovah's Earth. Do not waver! Do not let up! Kill! Death to the Russian Invader!! We will accept nothing less than full victory!
Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking!"
- General George S. Patton to American Troops during the 7 month long battle of Port Steele, 1945 in the Second Great War (or World War III in Europe).
"Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen...you are about to embark upon the Great Crusade towards which we and our forefathers have striven these many decades. The eyes of Jehovah, the Patriot-Saints, and your ancestors are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving men and women everywhere march with you. You are about to embark upon the greatest moment of your life. The Slavs have lost hundreds of landships and planes. Russia's brutalized hordes are now advancing towards Port Steele over mountains of their own dead bodies. Our Manifest Destiny Party, our Nation, our God, our Pinnacle Blood, have given us the task and ability not to let the enemy reach the heartland and to defend the city of Port Steele. In company with our brave brothers-in-arms on other fronts, you will help bring about the destruction of the Russian war machine, the elimination of Illuminist Inferior Tyranny over the oppressed Betters of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.
Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well-trained and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely. Forward against the enemy! Up into unremitting battle, men, for Port Steele, for Jehovah, for Steele! Not one step back! Cowards and Traitors will be shot! Do not count days! Do not count miles! Count only the number of Russians you have killed! Kill the Russian - this is your mother's prayer. Kill the Satanist Inferior!- this is the cry of Jehovah's Earth. Do not waver! Do not let up! Kill! Death to the Russian Invader!! We will accept nothing less than full victory!
Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking!"
- General George S. Patton to American Troops during the 7 month long battle of Port Steele, 1945 in the Second Great War (or World War III in Europe).
S P I R I T P H R E N O L O G Y
Man, imagine RU texts on ancient history having phrenological addenda, with quacks trying to determine how Satanic Herodotus was :^)
Man, imagine RU texts on ancient history having phrenological addenda, with quacks trying to determine how Satanic Herodotus was :^)
If Chuckie is this mad alone, wait till he gets his gang together: Tricky Dick, Hendrick, and all the other youngsters
My fellow Americans, today is a historic day in American spoahts. Our Women's National Soccah Team has just won it's first back to back Women's Pinnacle World Cup. I would also like to offah my congratulations to the 2nd place Dutch team. They fought hard and well, but when it came down to it, I suppose owah ladies fought hardah, and had more Pinnacle Fluidation than their opponents. I will of course be inviting owah championship team to the Presidential Mansion foah several days of celebration, complete with a parade. Congratulations again ladies. All Hail the Athleticism of the Pinnacle Woman!
-President Charles Oswald's official speech after the NUSA Women's National Soccer Team bagged a back-to-back Pinnacle World Cup win in 1975. Several of the players would become "mysteriously" pregnant in the aftermath of the official celebration.
-President Charles Oswald's official speech after the NUSA Women's National Soccer Team bagged a back-to-back Pinnacle World Cup win in 1975. Several of the players would become "mysteriously" pregnant in the aftermath of the official celebration.
The image of an almost sixty year old man impregnating a bunch of twenty year olds disgusts me more than everything pre-Custer in this timeline tbh.
Oh yeah, definitely. The Union's attitude towards sex in the Fascist Era is really quite squicky, as it's supposed to be. Although I never thought I would say this in any context, I really do hope that the Carolinas keep their old-school "purity" obsessed view of sex, simply because the alternative is grosser in so many ways.
You had the "Blind Christian Gentleman" keeping a harem of former whores and random women up into his nineties. Chuckie Oswald siring a few bastards with - frankly - the same sexual energy he had in modern day is quite tame relative to the timeline
NOT done yet! Figured I'd post what I have ready in case I can't finish it tonight!
FISTS OF FURY:
THE SWEET SCIENCE OF THE PINNACLE SPORT
The 1880 match between Scotty Kaiser and Lewis Flagg
Going all the way back to the 17th century, prize fighting was a common underground activity in England. In the early 1700s, James Figg, of Oxfordshire, became the first recognized boxing champion, and his memory would be dug up by the Republican Union centuries later, with Yankee history books calling the bald-headed macho man "The Father of Fisticuffs." Jack Broughton would follow soon after Figg, developing and codifying official rules. The rules would govern the sport for the next century and change. In 1810, Virginian slave Tom Molineaux earned his way to freedom by brawling the plantation owner's son. Molineaux then moved to Pennsylvania and joined the Pugilist Society of Pittsburgh, dominating for the next ten years and helping to establish the Pugilist Society Playbook, which replaced Broughton's ancient rules. Molineaux was killed in 1812, during the British invasion, while defending his home from rampaging Canadian soldiers.FISTS OF FURY:
THE SWEET SCIENCE OF THE PINNACLE SPORT
The 1880 match between Scotty Kaiser and Lewis Flagg
In the Southron nations, fist fights most often devolved into chaotic wrestling, simply called "gouging." Combatants would tackle, kick, bite, and scratch each other into an early grave, even ripping eyeballs out. To the gentlemen clubs of New England, the gougers were viewed as uncultured savages. Most Union states banned gouging as "disturbance of the peace and morally bereft of sportsmanlike value," although it continued in some states like Redemption and Oregon for some time. In 1850, Mark Fleetwood of Boston would finally develop fisticuffs into its modern form when he put pen to paper and crafted the Fleetwood Rules. Fleetwood was a student at Benedict Arnold University of Boston and an avid pugilist, defeating men twice his size regularly by using what he called "the science and art of fighting." He was an absolutely bizarre man in many ways, known for his wearing of outdated colonial-style knee-breeches and tricornered hats, as well as his habit of using what he called "coca lozenges" before fights to give himself extra energy. Despite only weighing 140, in 1848 Fleetwood had managed to topple Douglas Fischer, the 230-pound reigning champion of Boston, using his energy and quick fists to exhaust the hulking beast in a three hour brawl for the ages. The fight became legendary in Boston history, and in 1903 a statue of Fleetwood was erected in front of the B.A.U.B. Ampitheatre where the brawl took place. When his Fleetwood Rules became widely adopted across the nation in the coming decades, many fighters took to also wearing knee-breeches as a tribute to the legendary Bostonian, which would evolve into the trunks of the 20th century. His usage of cocaine also helped popularize it with Americans, a new market which would later be tapped by Sweet Victory and Go-Go Pep. He also later popularized cushioned gloves to protect the hands. Fleetwood would die, ironically, by losing the luck of the draw at a pistol duel with a rival lover of his lady dearest, Magnolia Flowers.
Although duels still occurred from time-to-time, most disputes by the latter half of the 19th century were settled either by having a "Fleetwood fight" or by paying representatives to fight on the contestant's behalf. American ideals of manliness and honor meant that no challenge should go unanswered. In 1880, Lewis Flagg of Yale University posted an ad in newspapers all over New England claiming that he would prove Yale to be the greatest of the Ivy League schools by personally fighting for its honor against all comers. Most of all, he wanted to take the wind out of Boston's sails by taking the Fleetwood Belt, a prize for the greatest fighter at Arnold, never intended to leave the campus. Naturally, this incensed B.A.U.B., who immediately agreed to the fight. Fleetwood Ampitheatre won a coin flip to host the event, and Boston students made Flagg's ride through town pure hell, chanting over and over the school fight song, waving pennants, and cursing the name of Yale. In turn, mobs of Yale Connecticuters pored into town, Republica beer crates in tow, and "absolutely partied the town down." Boston RUMP officers were forced to utilize testudo formations with wooden shields to keep the rival students from tearing each other to ribbons. Small arms fire and fireworks lit up the sky for the "match of the decade."
Defending the crown for Boston was the respected Scotty Kaiser. The son of German immigrants, his grandfather had been a famous fighter in the early 19th century in Prussia and his father had been a fighter at B.A.U.B. during the time of Fleetwood's reign. Now, Scotty was defending not only the legacy of his school, but also of his family. He could not lose. The Fleetwood Belt wasn't some trophy meant to travel the country, it was a sacred relic of his school and a symbol for everyone at the university. In preparation for the coming brawl, Kaiser had chewed on coca leaves, grown by Abernathy Farms in Lewisiana, and had pumped himself up to the point his heart felt like it was going to explode. He was a raging beast, and when he marched to the ring to the tune of "Old B.A.U.B," he felt like a million bucks. The swagger in his steps revealed a strong confidence of a man about to win honor for his university and name. Meanwhile, Flagg was no lump of dough either. The 6 foot 3 blonde giant was a rampaging beast, ready to destroy anything before him. When the two met in the middle of the ring with the umpire to agree to follow the Mark Fleetwood Rules, the two men gazed at each other with intense hatred, knowing everything was on the line.
What followed might not have been nearly as long as the famous Fleetwood-Fischer battle, but it would forever take its place in the history of the game. The first round was dominated by Kaiser, bobbing and weaving frantically before landing lightning fast punches directly on the mouth and eyes of Flagg, who moved slowly and seemed less confident now that the fight was truly on. Round two was much of the same, consisting of five minutes of Kaiser darting about and constantly landing punches on the giant before him. By round three, Flagg finally made his move, punching Kaiser squarely on the right ear, sending the smaller man lurching to one side, seeing stars. He followed it up by landing a blow right above Kaiser's kidney. The young man went down to the floor for a few seconds before picking himself up and getting back in the fight. Things were rapidly going downhill for Kaiser after this point; the body blow had been barely legal, and the pain was almost crippling. Little did he know that the punch was more direct than any realized. Kaiser's kidney was now ruptured. For two more rounds Kaiser valiantly kept fighting on despite incredible amounts of pain. He would go down three more times, each time rising to continue the fight. Both men's faces were swollen and bruised, but Kaiser had had a concussion before and was realizing it was happening again. In the fifth round, Flagg went down hard from a frantic burst of cocaine energy from Kaiser, only barely getting up again.
The legendary fight would end in the sixth round. Kaiser, barely able to stand by the round's start and suffering from massive internal damage and bleeding, knew something was very wrong. But he thought if he kept pushing one more round, Flagg might go down again. Flagg could barely even see out of his eyes from swelling at this point, and he was making more mistakes. One more round. Just one more. For Boston. For Old B.A.U.B.. Kaiser staggered back to his feet and advanced. Ten seconds later, a crushing blow to his side caused him to spew blood out of his mouth and into the crowd. As the umpire counted down, he realized Kaiser was really in a bad way and might be dying. More blood was pouring out of his mouth. It was not the dainty red of a busted lip, but the black syrup only internal damage can cause. He called for the doctors sitting nearby to jump in the ring and examine the young fighter. Flagg, meanwhile, went to sit back in his corner, stumbling and dragging. He didn't realize it yet, but he had just killed a man.
Kaiser died before they could even move his body properly off the mat. Tempers in the ampitheatre flared and crowds of onlookers picked up their chairs and seats and began hurling them at students and faculty from the opposing school. Mayhem and violence was the rule of the day as Flagg swiped up the Fleetwood Belt and made a hasty exit. As news of Kaiser's death swept Boston, the true rioting began. Mounted police already had expected violence either way and were prepared, however, and began to charge the students with nets, sweeping them off their feet so foot squads could close in for the arrest.
The Great Fisticuffs Riot of 1880 was one of the most devastating and deadly secular, non-race related riots in Union history. Over twenty young men were killed in the scuffles, and well over 670 received major injuries. Acme Ashton, who lead Lincoln's Hammer in the Great World War and a Yale graduate, was present for the riot, receiving a nasty gash on the back of his head that would leave a scar for the rest of his life. While the government demanded both school denounce all violence related to the fight, both schools would never forget. The most bitter college rivalry in American history began. The Fleetwood Belt was kept in a glass display case during daytime hours at the Preston K. Spears Gymnasium, and Boston would never rest until the Belt was returned.
This epic struggle would resume the following year when B.A.U.B.'s own Winfield Payne, an incredibly Adonis of physical fitness, challenged Flagg for the title. The two schools, eager to prevent another riot, swore to contain their revelry under pain of government sanctions and decreased funding. Payne ripped the Fleetwood Belt away after three rounds of destruction, demolishing Flagg and triumphantly returning the belt to the Fleetwood Ampitheatre. The display case in Preston K. Spears Gymnasium would sit empty for the next 12 years, which Yale alumni referred to as the "Period of Indignity." Finally, in 1893, Merlin Mitchum returned the belt to Yale, defeating Boston's Benedict Carlson in six rounds.
Around the same time, another similar championship was gaining popularity in the midwest. Hancock, Iowai's President Lincoln University had been hosting neighboring colleges to a "fisticuff festival." Eventually, this gave way to the Midwest Title Belt Association. Whild P.L.U. dominated at first, the belt eventually travelled around the Midwest as other schools built up their fighting program. In the Old South, the Waxahachie Bible Institute, of all places, formed a "Southron Gentleman's League," with its trophy frequently being dubbed "The Bible Belt."
Attachments
So this idea just hit me, remember the earlier conversation we all had about Polygamy in the RU and AFC? Well it just occurred to me that now could be the ideal time to introduce it, basically Steele is running around executing every Officall who cheats on his wife, but I highly doubt the demand for Sex and testing their "pinnacle Fluids" will die down...so why not just marry the mistress in addition to your wife...gets around Steele's laws and makes your utter slime for a moral character look Abit better to the public
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This might be the inner smark in me talking but Im gonna go out on a limb and say this is where Professional Wrestling will stem from ITTL, the Southrons/Carolina preferring that while the Yankees prefer boxing. Pro Wrestling ITTL in the Union would likely be a very stiff style and likely fully under the control of Madnessverse Ted Turner, who ironically enough does what VKM himself did IOTL by buying or muscling out the other smaller promotions so that only he may rule over them all.
I dunno, I'd like a second opinion from someone else who knows about pro wrestling than myself. Of course, I could be completely wrong and see MMA emerging as a competitor instead.
I imagine it would be roughly as brutal as the BAUB Yale rivalry, albeit maybe with some more heavy police control to prevent an international incident.
I still think Oswald will be the one to introduce it. If I'm not mistaken, Napo said that Steele does legitimately hate philanderers, etc b/c they remind him of Custer (and probably Tobias). Any move to introduce such a law would have to be okayed by Steele, which he wouldn't allow because of the aforementioned hangups, and because it gave his enemies a way around being insta killed. The Church can't decree it either because Steele almost literally has Billy Sunday by the balls.
I think MMA will be a thing earlier than OTL as an ironically more regimented update on gouging, but I could see professional wrestling levels of pageantry introduced.
Earlier in the thread I thought it would be funny if the latest generation of the Marx family pools its resources to come up with the next crazy thing, and the idea of a bunch of lunatics calling themselves the Marx brothers introducing polygamy into Union society is too good to pass up. Think of a whole team of Alfred Kinseys if everyone took their research completely seriously instead of shunning them for it!
How would the government decrease funding if both are PRIVATE institutions?
The government is giving private schools money to promote the state's ideology. It's free money if you tow the line. It keeps those out of public schools still well within brainwashing distance. If the colleges teach something the government doesn't like, I can see taxes going wayyyyy up.