How a bunch of fat guys falling off horses wrecked the British Empire

Alt History Buff

Chapter 101

December, 1806

Georgia

General Arthur Wesley had not wanted to leave Philadelphia and return home to Georgia. However, orders were orders and Wesley knew that he must obey. Somehow President Jay thought that the Georgian would have more "insight" upon the local situation. Wesley's response was simple. Stop irritating the Spanish...or hit them with all you have. The middle path was doomed to fail.

The American regulars in Georgia and eastern Alabama territory reached 2000, a large share for the small peacetime American Army. Wesley was also elected head of the Georgia militia, which made things easier on that front. Ordered to "keep the peace" if possible, the General settled in along a handful of fortifications along the border to wait out the winter. He hoped to be out Georgia by summer.

Porto, Portugal

The second city of Portugal rose in rebellion, throwing off the handful of Maria Victoria loyalists. The rebellion against the "Spanish match" had spread to the countryside, only Lisbon remaining under the Infanta's control due to the presence of Portuguese loyal units along with a few Spanish regiments loaned from her father-in-law. In truth, the latter only angered the Portuguese more.

In the meantime, Portuguese rebels dispatched pleas for aid to Great Britain, hoping the old alliance may reform.

Hanover

The Prince of Wales was celebrating New Years with a special arrival. His German mistress had just given him a son. George toyed with the idea of returning to Britain to attempt to create a legitimate son with his wife but dismissed the idea. He was satisfied with his daughters, whom were reportedly doing fine in London.

No, as long as his father lived, George, Prince of Wales would be satisfied to remain in Hanover. Not as exciting as London but anything was better than living under his father's thumb.

The Prince decided to go for a ride. It was an abnormally warm day for late December and he may not have the chance for a few months.

Still drunk, the Prince attempted to pass a coach on the cobblestone street. His horse struck a low-lying branch and reared up, throwing the fat prince. The carriage was unable to stop and the Prince was stamped by four horses and then by an equal number of wheels. His head was crushed, one of his feet near severed.

Stockholm

King Karl's head did not improve. Not particularly useful when in good health, the King proved nearly worthless in illness. The most his ministers could get out of him was having the man affix his signature to whatever it was that they wanted him to sign. For the most part, they were happy with this but realized that it was not in the best interests of the nation to have an invalid as King. Rumbles started to "retire" the King early and summon another.

King Frederick of Norway had been mooted the King, though that was before the Duke of York had been summoned to Norway. Many desired an alterative. Others were pleased at the idea of adding a "new province" to Sweden's small Empire. Frederick remained the presumed heir as the Swedes were generally pleased that the man had not overly interfered in the Norwegian Parliament's functions and operated, thus far, as the constitutional monarch Sweden's nobility desired.

Noting that Frederick was, at the moment, billeted to inherit Hanover-Schleswig-Holstein as well, the Swedes dreamed of a reunited Swedish Empire of ages past, even a new Kalmar Union.
 

Alt History Buff

Chapter 102

March, 1807

West Florida

The Creek war party ignored the tribal elders and proceeded to attack several settlements along the borders to the state of Georgia and the territory of Alabama. The chiefs demanded that the warriors withhold their anger at the most recent American eviction of several Creek villages. But nothing could stay their hand.

The war party crossed again into Alabama and were met by a random patrol of territorial militia.

Caddo territory / Tejas

The Spanish force of 2000 crossed the Rio Grande River into Tejas. It had taken months for the local Viceroy to receive appropriate orders from Madrid. The Secretary of Foreign Affairs, having deemed the increased attempts by the United States to settle the matter peacefully as an act of weakness, ordered the Viceroy to "expunge the Americans from the western shores of the Mississippi".

While New Spain possessed several thousand regulars, they were scattered throughout the vast expanse and could not be consolidated easily. Most were either local impressments or Iberians on punishment detail. They were not the elite of the Spanish establishment. The 2000 soldiers consisted of 1000 regulars and an equal number of "militia", hastily assembled and trained from the northern reaches of New Spain. Bearing only a few cannon and less than 100 cavalry, it was a rambling force that marched ponderously through the deserts of northern New Spain into the slightly lusher pastures of Tejas.

Fortunately for the Americans, the steady trickle of Spanish colonials migrating north to the more prosperous and fertile lands brought news of the consolidation and the local Caddoans were as prepared as possible. Reinforced by 250 regulars in their towns, they also received another 150 from New Orleans in time to meet the Spanish. This was further augmented by 800 local volunteers and another 300 from New Orleans and Alabama. They possessed few cannon but more cavalry than the Spanish.

On the whole, as the Spanish edged towards the Caddo settlements, the Americans were ready.

Sao Paulo

While history would regard the Portuguese as the primary party to resist the proposed union of Spain and Portugal under the Infanta and Infante, the Brazilians were no less opposed. The Portuguese colonists had their own long-standing rivalry with the Spanish colonists that was often separate from the relations between the home country. This was similar to the hatred bourn between New France and New England. The arguments between Kings across the ocean mattered little compared to the fresh memories of frontier raids.

At the turn of the century, the population of the Portuguese colonies were starting to exceed that of the home country and the economy was arguably the stronger of the two. Rich in sugar, timber, coffee, metals, etc, Brazil was a treasure trove despite the collapse of the old gold and silver mining industry. For too long, the elites of Portugal had viewed Brazil as a place to be exploited at the whim of the mother country.

The Brazilians were beginning to realize they didn't need Portugal for much.

London

Though he died months ago, the Prince of Wales was formally laid to rest in March. The King desired to for his other children to return from their exotic locals to witness the funeral. All managed to make it. By happenstance, the Duke of Kent had just returned from Ile Royal after his recall, else he would not have arrived in time. The Duke had visited Quebec and been inducted into a chivalric order by King Louis XVI. When George III found out about this, he demanded to know what his son was doing in Quebec when he should have been in Ile Royal. However, the remote fortification of Louisburg was lonely and dull and the Duke took every opportunity to "procure supplies" on the mainland of New France and America. Finally, the King recalled him.

King Frederick of Norway and his youngest brothers, Alfred and Octavius, returned from Oslo. Queen Amelia of Denmark and her brothers Cumberland and Cambridge arrived from Copenhagen. By stroke of luck, the entire family was present to lay George to rest.

The Queen was distraught. Even the King, who was known to despise his eldest son, reportedly broke down in a fit for several days when he received the news. Princess Frederica wept, though her husband was hardly a good one.

The King recovered in time for the funeral procession. After the fact, the King ordered Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, to assume the duties of viceroy of Hanover. Edward was hardly the most charismatic of the Hanoverians but he was the next eldest. Frederick was busy in Oslo and William was needed on hand in London to assume the regency if the King succumbed to illness. Given the youth of the three princesses (Frederica, Charlotte and Elizabeth), it seemed unlikely that George III would live long enough for them to reach their majority. William was at least diligent in his duties at the Admiralty. Now into his forties, he should be healthy enough to govern until Frederica came of age. If not, there was always Edward...then Ernst...and so on and so forth. Nine sons living to adulthood provided a lot of backup options.
 
Kaiser Chris

Kaiser Chris

And just like that Spain has once again turned into an empire run by idiots. Not only do they go to war with America over a simply border dispute in the now currently useless Texas, but they imprison a Portuguese noble simply on the chance that he might revolt and seek to subjugate Portugal without any offer of compromise, risking war with Britain with no allies to back Spain this time. While I usually try and root for Spain to do better, they definitely deserve it here. $100 that the Latin American Revolutions start by the end of the decade.

Love that Andrew Jackson is getting screwed TTL. While he might be a different man entirely with the survival of his brothers and presumed non capture and torture by the British, I don't want any chance of him entering the White House. Also looking forward to Napoleon conquering the Southwest. Would be funny if he gets a reputation as one of the greatest Americans of all time.

The horse strikes again! They really do seem to have a vendetta against fat nobles. This does set up an interesting scenario as we could have a scenario that could even suprass the Hapsburg-Wettin alliance in this TL. While Austria-Poland-Bavaria may be a powerhouse, they can only influence Europe and are very unstable. In contrast all of Scandanavia and Hanover are more or less stable and are linked to the British through Saxon/Norse ancestery. Under current inheritance laws in the United Kingdom, the throne goes to the eldest male child of the dynasty. This means that Fredrick should legally succeed the throne of the United Kingdom since he is Fredrica's first uncle. Making for an interesting Scandinavian/British Union.

Edit: Written before Chapter 102
 

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Chapter 103

May 1806

Caddo Territory

General Napoleon Bonaparte received official notice of his commission in the Regular Army shortly before engaging the Spanish. That gave him authority over both the regulars and militia. He would need all he could get.

The American cavalry had forewarned Bonaparte of the Spanish approach, along with general information on their numbers. The Spanish had a minor advantage in manpower but the American advantage in mobility would prove decisive as the irregular cavalry may maneuver more quickly than anything the Spanish had available.

This proved decisive. As the formidable Spanish artillery attempted to bear down upon the American infantry, Bonaparte's cavalry repeated routed the considerably inferior Spanish horsemen, then turning upon the artillerymen whom vainly attempted to protect their guns. In the meantime, the American artillery pummeled the Spanish infantry with impunity as crack American shots withered the Spanish lines.

When the Spanish commander belatedly ordered a mass bayonet charge, they found that they'd been completely outmaneuvered and were charging hardened positions on a hill with the American artillery even as light skirmishers chipped a way at their flanks. The hard-working American cavalry attacked once more from the rear, scattering the Spanish troops.

Florida

Against his better judgement, General Arthur Wesley advanced into Florida, chasing the Creek. His irregulars under Hugh Jackson advanced towards Pensacola as Wesley gathered up the regulars.

Philadelphia

President John Jay could not believe that the Spanish actually were taking this tack. The Spanish Ambassador even walked out of his office a month prior in a huff, not to return. Cutting off the line of communication was pointless.

Were the Spanish so convinced of American weakness?
 
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Alt History Buff

Chapter 104

July, 1806

Madrid

Against his better judgement, King Ferdinand released the Duke of Escalona from custody. The entire Spanish nobility had risen up in protest for the man's arrest.

When the Portuguese nobility had sought out the most recent legitimate branch of the Braganza the line, they were astonished with how difficult the task proved to be. They had to go back to the grandfather of John "the Liberator" to find an extant heir.

The problem was that that heir, Serafina of Braganza, married a Spanish noble. For the past eight generations, the Dukes of Escalona had served Spain loyally and well. That the current Duke would be the closest legitimate relative to the Portuguese Royal Family was immaterial. One did not arrest Spanish nobles, especially when it became apparent that the Duke was shocked to learn that the gentry of another country intended him for their throne. Indeed, finding himself without position in Madrid, King Ferdinand happily acceded to the Duke's request a few years ago to serve the Regent Couple (Infante Carlo of Spain wanted more Spaniards in the Administration).

With protestations of fealty, the Duke was arrested upon passing through Spain to report to Infanta Maria Victoria and Infante Carlo.

The Duke was released with an admonishment to remain in Spain lest "the ill-advised" seek to affiliate his name to the Portuguese rebellion.

Soon, however, the Regent Couple would find that their problems had escalated as Great Britain finally threw in with the Portuguese rebels.
 

Alt History Buff

Kaiser Chris said:
The horse strikes again! They really do seem to have a vendetta against fat nobles. This does set up an interesting scenario as we could have a scenario that could even suprass the Hapsburg-Wettin alliance in this TL. While Austria-Poland-Bavaria may be a powerhouse, they can only influence Europe and are very unstable. In contrast all of Scandanavia and Hanover are more or less stable and are linked to the British through Saxon/Norse ancestery. Under current inheritance laws in the United Kingdom, the throne goes to the eldest male child of the dynasty. This means that Fredrick should legally succeed the throne of the United Kingdom since he is Fredrica's first uncle. Making for an interesting Scandinavian/British Union.

Edit: Written before Chapter 102
Click to expand...

I'm not sure about that. I think the law at the time was that it went the eldest male issue regardless of age (none in this case) of the next in line (George, Prince of Wales), then his female issue. This remained as such until the reign of Queen Elizabeth which made absolute primagenature the norm (eldest child regardless of sex).

Princess Charlotte had, by birth, been next in line when she died. Her uncles would not have taken precedence. Only when Charlotte died did Frederick, then William, become next in line.

It wouldn't have changed if her father, Prince George, had pre-deceased her.
 

Alt History Buff

Chapter 104

Copenhagen

September, 1806

1806 would prove a disastrous year for the House of Hanover.

Queen Amelia of Denmark gave birth to her second child, a boy to be named George after her father. With a pair of male heirs, the people of Denmark were rapturously excited at the prospect of a stable dynasty for the first time in generations. However, their elation would turn to tears as the Queen, always in frail health, succumbed to an infection after the birth.

The child remained healthy, as did his elder brother Prince Frederick.

The Kingdom was plunged into mourning as the Queen was buried. Worse was yet to come as, over the winter, the King's fragile constitution gave out and he collapsed to his bed. His doctors noted consumption acquired in his prison stint a few years prior under the mad King Christian. Largely incapable of governing, the King started to delegate affairs to his Ministers and to his brothers-in-law (Cumberland and Cambridge) and his cousins of the Danish line. He quietly began to prepare a regency should he expire young.

Britain

King George III collapsed in grief at the news of the death of his youngest (and favorite) daughter. Having suffered greatly of his fits, a blood vessel in the King's brain burst and the monarch was left in a coma that lasted five days before he expired.

After near three decades of rule, George III had slowly rebuilt the confidence of the nation after the grievous defeats under his father, Frederick I of Great Britain. With his steady work ethic and faultless personal conduct, the King reestablished the monarchy as the center of British political life, though always Constitutionally. While few great events occurred in his reign (wars, etc) which the King had a direct hand, George III would remain a beloved figure in the minds of Britons, perhaps the most popular monarch of the past 300 years with the possible exception of Queen Elizabeth I.

Fortunately, the King had set up a regency which would be accepted by Parliament for the Princess of Wales (now Queen), Frederica, and her sisters. Only toddlers, the Dowager Princess of Wales and Dowager Queen would care for the little monarch while the Duke of Clarence would lead a regency.

William would prove, in many ways, his father's son. While often considered a Whig in the past, William was not particularly beholden to any party and his policies would be similar to his father. Like the King, William proved moderately competent at his personal finances and Queen Frederica's Privy Purse would be in good condition when she ascended to the throne even accounting for having to pay back her father's debts.

It helped that several of the Royal Dukes were now serving abroad in Norway, Denmark and Hanover where they were someone else's problem. William promptly allowed his remaining sisters to marry if they preferred though no children were born of these marriages. His mother was furious as the woman considered her daughters to be her courtiers. But Queen Charlotte was past sixty and gave in to her son.

The death of George III could not have come at a worse time. The British had just dispatched expeditions to Portugal and Brazil to "support Portuguese independence", a policy that Regent William would have to follow.

This was made worse in November when William Pitt the Younger would expire from worry and overwork, throwing the Ministry into chaos.

Oslo

King Frederick of Norway was struck again and again in 1806 by the loss of his brother, his sister and his father. With Britain now under a regency (and his brother-in-law, King Christian, reportedly ill), the status of the northern Protestant Kingdoms were ambiguous at best.

However, there were two significant changes for Frederick's life:

First, he inherited Hanover. Unlike Britain, Hanover followed Salic Law which excluded inheritance through the female line. His niece Frederica would reign over Britain but Hanover was his. Frederick's brother Edward, Duke of Kent, had been installed only that summer in Hanover after George's death. Frederick saw no reason to change this and the Electorate continued under its new King as it had under the old one. Only time would see the subtle changes that this would make to the political system of the continent. While Britain's Parliament often loathed the King's attachment to another country, they conceded over the past century that it would be dishonorable to allow their King's other domain to fall to a foreign power. By breaking the attachment to Britain, this permanently severed a link of Britain to continental politics.

Second, the King's wife, Queen Louise, gave birth to their third child, a boy named Harold. This further strengthened the dynasty and pleased Sweden's political classes that the recent chaos in the Royal Line would soon be put to an end.

Hanover

Edward, Duke of Kent, was in heaven. Often relegated by his father to backwater garrisons like Gibraltar and Ile-Royal in an effort to get rid of him, Edward rejoiced in his comfortable new lodgings in Hanover. The Electorate largely ran itself and Edward proved a competent, if unimaginative, administrator whom largely listened to good advice.

Within a few weeks of arriving in Hanover, the Duke (and Viceroy) would greet a pretty young Princess from Saxe-Coburg-Gotha named Victoria. He requested formal approval of the match from his brother William (per the Royal Marriages Act) and received swift permission to marry from the Regent. The pair would prove quite happy in Hanover for many years.
 

Alt History Buff

Question on Royal Titles:

What would Frederica, Dowager Princess of Wales, and mother to the child-Queen be called?

Just Dowager Princess of Wales?

Or would she be called "Queen-mother" or would she not be eligible because she was never Queen herself.
 

ShortsBelfast

"Princess Dowager" would, I believe, be the correct technical term. Her husband was never King so she can never be called "Queen" even as a courtesy title. However, given her daughter's extreme youth, there won't (assuming her daughters survive to adulthood) be another Prince of Wales for a generation, so she probably will be commonly known simply as the "Princess of Wales" with no use of the "Dowager" at all but the most formal of events (like a coronation or official reception of a visiting Head of State) for the next twenty odd years. Even if/when she becomes a grandmother, the "Dowager" probably still won't be used until her grandson marries. It would then to avoid confusion -assuming she lives that long.
 

Alt History Buff

ShortsBelfast said:
"Princess Dowager" would, I believe, be the correct technical term. Her husband was never King so she can never be called "Queen" even as a courtesy title. However, given her daughter's extreme youth, there won't (assuming her daughters survive to adulthood) be another Prince of Wales for a generation, so she probably will be commonly known simply as the "Princess of Wales" with no use of the "Dowager" at all but the most formal of events (like a coronation or official reception of a visiting Head of State) for the next twenty odd years. Even if/when she becomes a grandmother, the "Dowager" probably still won't be used until her grandson marries. It would then to avoid confusion -assuming she lives that long.
Click to expand...

Thanks.
 

Alt History Buff

Chapter 105

October, 1806

Philadelphia

President John Jay knew that his attempts to secure an honorable settlement with Spain had failed. At this point, he was even willing to back down on his demands for Florida and come to an agreement in Caddo.

However, the Spanish seemed to have other plans, though precisely why he did not know. The Spanish had taken to seizing American ships bound for Caddo and New Orleans, infuriating the public. A respectable country could not allow another nation to prey upon her shores. Utilizing Havana as a base of operations, the Spanish had shut down trade and supply of the Mississippi. This was plainly unacceptable.

It didn't help that the nation was divided politically between the Centralist and Federal Parties.

Then that idiot Calhoun made another speech in Congress about expanding slavery. Did he really think that was going to happen? By this point, two more states, North Carolina and New York, had summarily pronounced all slaves within their borders officially manumitted. Only five were left: South Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Delaware and New Jersey. The latter four had plans in place to eliminate the institution and the latter two only bore a nominal quantity of slaves. it was a dead issue as there were now more free negroes in the nation than enslaved and that ratio would expand by the year. Some slaves, as their states approached manumission (or their owners needed capital) were sold to the West indies, providing a nice bump in currency while also indirectly helping to solve the problem in America, though in a terrible manner. Jay disliked solving the problem of slavery by getting rid of the slaves and shipping them to a hellish destination. As it was, the exports still did not match the negro birth rate and more black faces were seen every year though they did not expand quite as much as whites.

If only slavery was my greatest tribulation.

In the end, the President knew that he must fight a war that he didn't desire. The only good news he had was that he would probably not be fighting alone. Apparently, the British, after a three decade long hibernation, had finally returned to European martial politics and had pronounced the Regency of the Portuguese Infanta as "illegal", whatever that meant.

Porto, Portugal

General John Moore had been given command of the British expeditionary force sailing into Porto's expansive harbor. Though only 4000 troops, the well-drilled soldiers would prove a welcome boost in rebel spirit. For the first time, the Portuguese were not alone.

Madrid

Queen Maria Carolina virtually shrieked at her husband and their advisors. How DARE they even consider not coming to Infante Carlo's aid in Portugal?!!! The King and Queen had formed a good pair for much of their marriage. However, as they aged, the King's wussiness and the Queen's bitchiness grated upon the relationship.

The Queen had only slowly accepted her sister's loss of throne in France and that only with bad grace. With Count Aranda dead (she hadn't thought much of him and he hadn't thought of her at all), the recent Spanish ministers were weak compared to their predecessors. For the first time in years, the Queen's shrieking voice was the one making policy.

She even made the King's ministers review Aranda's old plan to make her younger sons Kings in America with Carlo the Emperor of the entire Empire.

Britain and Spain would continue to send out feelers for peace but their actions dictated the coming conflict.

Vienna

Peace did not come easily for Maria Theresa II. With her husband in Krakow, the Empress had her hands full with near-constant rebellions in Venice, Saxony, Wallachia, Moldavia and now Bosnia and Hungary.

Unlike her father, the Empress knew not to make German ethnic supremacy a hallmark of her reign. She thought that would pacify Hungary, Bohemia, Illyria, etc.

However, the impending (in another generation) addition of more Germans in Saxony and the huge numbers of Poles made several of the ethnic Parliaments wonder as to their future under the Habsburg-Wettin crown.

Riots proved common and unrest and dissatisfaction constantly universal.

Moscow

Czar Paul, having spent literally YEARS in depression, had come out of his funk. His successes in the Levant and Malta had regained his confidence after his capture by Habsburg-Wettin troops in the past war. His armies had been reformed after the Czar gave up his pretensions of martial competence and he let his generals make the alterations they desired. He would never again attempt to lead from the front.

His diplomatic overtures to Prussia had bourn fruit. A secret alliance had been formed and several parties of the Holy Roman Empire, disconcerted by the Habsburg Hegemony in central Europe, were prepared to cast their lot for "preservation of the balance of power". Like Paul, they did not desire augmentation of their realms (though who didn't like that?) but to ensure that no party could dominate the Empire, even the Emperor and his wife.

The Palatinate proved most willing to join in while Baden and Wurttemberg were willing to talk.

What the Emperor didn't know as he prepared for a return engagement against the Habsburg-Wettins was that his former son-in-law, Gustov IV Adolfus, had gained King Frederick William of Prussia's ear and was enticing him into a completely separate venture which would not have gained Russian approval had the King bothered to inform his now ally.
 
Knightmare

Knightmare

I find it weird that the Spanish monarchy isn't once commenting on teir war with the US.

Ignorance or just not worth their time?
 

Alt History Buff

Knightmare said:
I find it weird that the Spanish monarchy isn't once commenting on teir war with the US.

Ignorance or just not worth their time?
Click to expand...

I'm leaning towards them assuming the US will not be a threat in the long term as the US army is small and the distances great. With Spain controlling the seas, they would be confident they could reinforce the Caribbean easier than the US.
 
Knightmare

Knightmare

Alt History Buff said:
I'm leaning towards them assuming the US will not be a threat in the long term as the US army is small and the distances great. With Spain controlling the seas, they would be confident they could reinforce the Caribbean easier than the US.
Click to expand...
Still, you'd think they'd want to remove a possible worry before Britain lands on their shores...
 

Diez Mil Cantos

Love this thread! Rarely do I see a French Canada (much less an independent one!) And India with native powers calling the shots. I'm liking Britain's (relative) humility and how you made George III a great monarch.
I wonder what's up in Ireland? Are they just backwater, or are they gonna end up being relevant? Is there extreme famines in its future?
 
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