December 16, 1593 in Fushimi Castle, Toyotomi Cipangu:
“Whoa how did that blob emerge?”
“Stop playing Europa Universalis!”
“I’m not! Seriously, though, that big yellow blob is creeping me out.”
“Where is this...blob?”
“On this map.”
Toyotomi Hideyoshi sighed. “The darned Jurchens are one step away from testing my patience...”
“And then what?”
“What?”
“What will you do when they test your patience?”
“Er...” Toyotomi said. “Er...I’ll...um...good question. I don’t have an answer.”
“Yeah, and the thing is - this yellow blob is only ten miles from Busan!”
“What? Set up a perimeter around Busan!”
“I’m sorry, milord, but it’s too late.”
“What? It’s never too late!”
“The Jurchens...their darned cavalry...”
“Our warrior spirit can defeat theirs!”
“No, you just don’t get it, do you, Toyotomi? The messengers came in. Busan has surrendered.”
Toyotomi looked struck. “What?”
“Busan has surrendered.”
“No...” he whispered. “Are the Jurchens really the end of the line?”
“Yes,” the servant said. “Yes.”
“Shut up! I’m trying to give an evil villain monologue!”
“Yessir. By the way, I have received word that Busan didn’t actually surrender.”
“Da frack?”
“Conflicting news, sir. One second, that messenger just said that Busan hasn’t surrendered. Okay, you can celebrate.”
“Yay!” Toyotomi exclaimed. “It’s sad, though, that I’m not delighted at the news of victories. I’m delighted at even small losses.”
“Yessir. Also, word is that the Ming have declared war on Jianzhou.”
“Da frack?”
“Yessir. It seems that the Kami is still on our side.”
Toyotomi sighed. “That much is true. Shall we send emissaries to the Ming for an alliance against the Jurchens?”
“Certainly, milord. It makes things...more interesting. Wait, the Ming have told us that they are willing to commit to alliance, and they’ve ended the blockade at Tsushima. I think they’re keeping that island, though.”
“Thanks a lot, Skippy,” Toyotomi said. “Wait, one second, remind me why I even hired you?”
“Shoot!” Skippy said. “
Obliviate!”
