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The Politiyanks

or Ameripols if you're Superman and Statesman.

Group of American (and honorary-American) members who discuss American politics and elections. See American Politics for a basic explanation of the American political system, the current thread, and archived threads. Like most things held dear to Americans, the name was shamelessly ripped off from some foreigners.


Democratic

  • Ain: Californian Bachelor of Arts in Political Science.
  • AYC: Student from California, but perpetually just on the cusp of moving abroad. He's signing up for the Democrats this year in order to give a vote to Bernie. Loves the metric system and that forbidden fruit.
  • Beata Beatrix: California Democrat who enjoys classic films and is often teased for her young age. (Hillary)
  • black angel: New Hampshire Democrat. Tends to run into political candidates more often than desirable. (Hillary)
  • BonnieBlue85: Completely obsessed with LBJ, but thinks young Nixon was a hunk. Has a dirty, dirty mind.
  • Caesar Biden: Student living in Minnesota. Staunchly Liberal on all economic and social issues, however, on a few issues such as immigration and foreign policy, he lies in the middle. Supports the Democrats and prefers Sanders over Clinton. He was later banned. (Bernie)
  • Danderns: Center-leftist from New York, Ridin' With Mondale.
  • DTanza: Would like you all to hear the Good News about Jerry Brown. (Hillary)
  • Dustin: Self-identified social democrat from Massachusetts, is considering running for state legislature in 2016. Supports Bernie Sanders.
  • FelOnyx: Young socialist from Connecticut, supports the Democrats out of pragmatism.
  • Gaius Julius Magnus: An independent-leaning Democrat from Massachusetts. Would support Deval Patrick or Elizabeth Warren if they ran.
  • Genghis Kawaii: Reactionary liberal. Simultaneously wants to institute Social Democratic policies and scream at people to toughen up and get back to work. Tends towards authoritarianism.
  • Gog: Miami liberal Democrat. Official Crazy Floridian of the Politiyanks. (Hillary)
  • JMT: Charlotte-based socialist currently training to become a teacher, has vague ambitions towards the Governorship of North Carolina.
  • Kablob: Young social democrat from South Carolina. Despite identifying more with Bernie Sanders' policy positions, supports Hillary Clinton for President. Gets annoyed when the South is dismissed as nothing but racists. Has eternal hatred for former South Carolina Governor and current Representative Mark Sanford. (Hillary)
  • Kaiser K: The self-proclaimed monarch of the German Empire and vaguely left-wing young Democrat from the State of Florida, notoriously anti-Republican and especially anti-Reagan, she has sometimes been derided for her hyperbolic statements or overtly-passionate opinion on various issues or her support for Hillary; but she generally just likes to have fun and enjoy conversation with everyone else. Passed away on February 13th 2016, and was mourned by many on the forum. (Hillary)
  • King of the Uzbeks: Self-proclaimed “Fair Dealer,” mostly spends his time jumping into long offtopic stretches just before they die off.
  • Komodo20: A Scoop Jackson Democrat who lives in Tennessee. Has strong opinions on foreign policy. Would vote for either Hillary Clinton or Lindsey Graham. (Hillary?)
  • machinekng: A libertarian socialist from Colorado. Plans to vote for Sanders and then the Democrat in the general. (Bernie)
  • Napoleon IV: Self described FDR liberal from Washington State. Somewhat of a hawk on foreign affairs, much like the most famous Washingtonian.
  • New Patomic: A self-described Clinton-shill who has center/center-left Democratic beliefs. (Hillary)
  • Nofix: Only confirmed Bryan Democrat in the 21st century.
  • Noravea: Was a liberal Republican but left the party and is now a Democrat. (Hillary)
  • Octosteel: A self-described boring, center-left Democrat. Trying to make a name for himself on the forum.
  • pieman97405: A rarely seen self-proclaimed New Dealer. Also a possible member of a Nixon cult.
  • Puget Sound: Libertarian-ish liberal Democrat, Parliamentarian of the AH.com Congress, and maker of various election games in Shared Worlds. Is often silly in the thread, but otherwise hangs back in the background. Supported Bernie in the primaries and Hillary in the general
  • Sabot Cat: A socialist who unenthusiastically supports the Democrats to curb the the Republicans' distressing bent towards discrimination. (Bernie)
  • Terranoso: A vaguely left-wing Kentuckian. Will rant about Rand Paul if you ask him.
  • TRH: A casual democratic socialist from the Empire State. Critical of Obama and other Democratic leadership but, for the most part, is comfortable within the two-party system.
  • Upvoteanthology: New Yorker with ambitions to run for political office someday. (Bernie)
  • Usili: The only man to have survived the Urban Jungles of New York City without an accent.
  • Van555: Reminiscent of Hubert H. Humphrey, for better and for worse.
  • wilcoxchar: A Colorado Democrat who leans socialist. (Bernie)
  • Zachanassian: Unremarkable Maryland Democrat. Does not like Martin O'Malley.
  • Zioneer: The only confirmed Utah Democrat. Has a love-hate relationship with Jim Matheson (though mostly just loves to hate him).

Other Left-Wing

  • Doctor What: Ontarian member who frequently chimes in. Decidedly anti-Republican. Missed one opportunity to get into politics, a story which he will copy and paste if you ask him. (Bernie?)
  • Emperor Julian: A college student from Atlanta (but going to college out of state). Doesn't affiliate with the Democrats because he'd feel guilty voting for moderate Republicans in the primaries if he registered with their opposition. (Hillary?)
  • Jasen777: Too lefty for the Democrats, not quite lefty enough for the Socialists, not quite loony enough for the Greens. Votes in Republican primaries though, because what else do you do in Reddest Texas? Has never voted for a winning general election candidate above the level of city council.
  • Turquoise Blue: A social democrat from the Socialist Principality of Wales. Quite likes Hawaii more than normal. First supported Bernie, but after March 16 is now backing Hillary
  • Zimmerwald1915: New York left-communist and law student. Known for a bit of gloom and doom, and for long disquisitions on the sorry state of American labor law, but believes in fighting the good fight.

Republican

  • Abhakhazia: Still somewhat conservative, despite voting Hillary.
  • ggarner57: Establishment Republican and Chris Christie delegate. Self-proclaimed biggest fan of moderate Tennessee governor Bill Haslam.
  • LtNOWIS: Self-described center-right Republican. Only person who knows anything about local politics (particularly Virginia).
  • packmanwiscy: Considers himself fairly in the center with libertarian aspects, but probably falls on the Republican side of the spectrum. Supports a Packer sportocracy for Wisconsin, and has an ever-changing list of GOP candidates he would vote for over Hillary
  • Reagent: Supports Ted Cruz for the Presidency and fond of making potential parody posters for future threads.
  • Statesman: A reluctant Republican. He describes himself as a [Theodore] “Roosevelt Republican” and a strong capitalist. Supports government reform, campaign finance reform, and foreign policy realism. AKA Millennial Statesman, and has a blog entitled as such.
  • Superman: Loves America, and you will too.

Other Right-wing

  • ADS94: A British monarchist Tory stuck in a republican America.
  • history_nerd: An American Libertarian or “Liberaltarian” or “Progressive Libertarian” or “Centrist Anti-Federalist” or “Populist” Looking forward to voting for Jim Webb but will settle for Gary Johnson.

Centrist/Independent/Other

  • Deblano: A (former) liberal Republican from Virginia with a YUUUUUGE grudge against the Republican Party for nominating Donald Trump. He describes himself as fiscally center-right (pro-free trade, pro-tax credits, supports lowering the corporate tax, favors the option of school vouchers alongside public education), a “Realist” on foreign policy, and socially liberal including being VERY pro-LGBT rights. Went from supporting Rubio in fall 2016, to voting for John Kasich in the Virginia GOP primaries, to supporting Gary Johnson in the general elections. Deblano now identifies as a Libertarian. (Johnson)

Subculture

Like their Limey counterparts across the pond, the Politiyanks have developed some of their own traditions and running jokes.

Traditions (as of now)

  • Movie Title Parodies: Started with the second 2016 election thread, “Electric Obamaloo” by DTanza, officially continued onwards with “Return of the Clinton” (suggested by Gaius Julius Magnus) and now it appears henceforth that all titles of American politics threads will be puns on movies. Some members have wanted to keep it restricted to just Spielberg/Lucas films (despite not realizing the first use of the tradition breaks this rule), with others want to expand beyond. All posters can be seen here.
  1. Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo –> Electric Obamaloo (Before the Threads Became for General American Politics)
  2. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi –> Return of the Clinton
  3. Raiders of the Lost Ark –> Republicans of the Lost Election
  4. Jurassic Park –> Democratic Park
  5. American Pie –> Republican Pie
  6. Saving Private Ryan –> Saving Private Walker
  7. 12 Angry Men –> 17 Angry Men (and Woman)
  8. The Expendables –> The Unelectables
  9. Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation –> Nomination: Impossible - Rouge Senator
  10. Monty Python and the Holy Grail –> Bernie Sanders and the Holy Caucus
  11. Straight Outta Compton –> Straight Outta GOPton
  12. Mean Girls –> Mean Democrats (thread was merged into Make America Great Again!)
  13. <no movie referenced> –> Make America Great Again!
  14. Forrest Gump –> Run, Donald, Run!
  15. Apollo 13> –> Election 13
  16. Les Miserables –> One Year More
  17. The Phantom Menace –> The Populist Menace
  18. The American –> The Canadian
  19. Little Miss Sunshine –> Little Miss Socialist
  20. The Force Awakens –> The Caucus Awakens
  21. SpongeBob SquarePants –> SpongeBern SquareTrump
  22. John Carpenter's The Thing –> The Trump
  23. Bridge of Spies –> Bridge of Democratic Socialists
  24. Close Encounters of the Third Kind –> Close Encounters of the Republican Kind
  25. Mad Max: Fury Road –> Mad Marx
  26. Batman Forever –> Floridaman Forever

Current: * The Official American Politics Discussion Thread XXV- District 9 created by Danderns

  • AH.Com Congress: Done first by Puget Sound and now by Danderns. At first a new Congress was elected for each new American Politics thread, but this changed to every other thread because they go by so fast. Seats are distributed based on the amount of posts each person made in the last thread. Leadership in it means absolutely nothing and is probably just as good at passing anything as the real-life Congress. The Current Speaker is Justin Biden of the Farmer-Labor Party, leading the Unity Reformist coalition. Past Speakers include:
  • 2027-2033: Kirsten B. Coxwell (Florida Man Party)
  • 2033-2034: Madeline Winters (National Conservative Party)
  • 2034-2037: Kirsten B. Coxwell (Florida Man Party/coalition For America to Keep on Changing)
  • 2037-2039: Victoria Sabot (Left-Libertarian Party/Popular Front coalition)
  • 2039-2041: Reagent Henriques (National Conservative Party)
  • 2041-2042: Justin Biden (Farmer-Labor Party)
  • AH.Com President: Elected in two rounds from among self-selected candidates. To ensure maximum gridlock, presidential parties [usually] bear no relation to Congressional parties. The current President is Madeleine Winters of the National Conservative Party. Past Presidents include:
  • 2025-2035: Manuel Pye (Democratic Party)
  • 2035-2040: Kawena Lani Polu (Unite for a Social Alternative)
  • 2040-2041: Rebecca Stirling (Unite for a Social Alternative)
  • Debate Bingo A game run by packmanwiscy where each competitor gets a candidate and a bingo board with various commonly used buzzwords, and whenever said candidate says a buzzword, the contestant marks that spot down on the board. First with five in a row wins. The bingo thread may be inactive in non-debate weeks.
  • Politiyanks against Humanity After several enjoyable Politiyank Cards against Humanity games, Puget Sound created a unique Polityank deck for use in the games. With over 100 black cards and 1000 white cards it's full of strange in-jokes about the American Politics thread, AH.com, and American politics in general.

Running Jokes

  • Bernie Sanders is the Democratic Ron Paul: Like Ron Paul during the 2008 and 2012 election cycles, there seems to be little middle ground concerning Bernie Sanders. He's either the greatest candidate for the American left since ever or is a cancer upon the Democratic Party for not officially joining them. Though it's mostly between Turquoise Blue and AYC (pro-Bernie) vs. Kaiser K and Nofix (anti-Bernie). But see Red Skies, Politiyank's Warning for a recent development that affects this running joke.
  • 2016 Campaign Logos: General consensus seems to be that none of the candidates' logos are that great. Donald Trump's is generally seen as the worst, with Martin O'Malley's not far behind.Turquoise Blue keeps track of the logos by the candidates (third parties included) for all to see. Related to Bernie the Toothpaste Salesman.
  • The John Kasich Fan Club: Kingpoleon's obsession with Governor John Kasich of Ohio led many to conclude that he's the founding, presiding, and only member of the John Kasich Fan Club, and possibly John Kasich himself. Club has disbanded upon Kingpoleon's banning.
  • Lani Polu: Turquoise Blue is obsessed with Hawaii, and fervently desires its independence and the restoration of the Kingdom, despite not having been there in her entire life. This annoys some people, but others find it harmless.
  • Ronald Reagan is Literally Satan and Hitler's Lovechild: Ronald Reagan isn't that popular amongst the left-leaning members of the board, but Kaiser K takes it to a whole new level. Whenever Reagan is mentioned, Kaiser K can be counted on to state outright and vociferously that he was the worst President ever in terms of morality and accomplishments, worse than the usually accepted candidates of James Buchanan and Andrew Johnson. Some of Reagan's usual detractors have found themselves defending him purely on the basis he wasn't that bad.
  • Lyndon Johnson: BonnieBlue85 is seriously in love with this Texan. Insult him at your own risk. However, don't be surprised if she gets annoyed at him, because, sometimes, he can be an asshole.
  • Incompetent Local Democrats: A favorite topic of Kaiser K and Zioneer are their insanely horrible and/or weak state-level Democratic Parties (Florida and Utah Democrats respectively). On the reverse end though many California-based Democrats take joy in the incompetency and fall from grace of the California Republican Party.
  • Tricky Dick Nicks all the Chicks: Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon is inexplicably popular with the female Politiyanks, particularly Democratic ones. They seem to agree that when he was young, he was quite attractive. Related to He's Our Bastard.
  • He May be a Bastard, but He's Our Bastard!: Richard Nixon is seen as someone who “gets things done”, unlike the present obstructionist Congress and ineffective President Obama. Thus he's popular with some Politiyanks (oddly enough, mostly Democratic ones) who wants government to actually do something and not be on the brink all the damn time. Nixon's detractors don't remain silent in criticism of him though.
  • Bernie Sanders is a Toothpaste Salesman: Bernie Sanders's campaign logo strongly resembles the logo for Aquafresh toothpaste, so Bernie must be moonlighting as a toothpaste salesman. According to Zimmerwald1915, his pitch is “Bernie: for when your gums bleed Red.” A subset of 2016 Campaign Logos.
  • Rick Scott is Skeletor: The oft-proclaimed worst governor in the history of Florida is extremely freaky looking. His balding head, piercing blue eyes, and pale skin bear an uncanny resemblance to Lord Voldemort or, failing that, to the perennial enemy of He-Man.
  • Why is the Thread Moving So Fast?: Dating back to the early days of the first General Thread, we are all alarmed at how fast the thread is moving despite absolutely nothing happening in actual politics, to the point where the posts pile up faster than the Polibrits'. Everybody shudders in horror how fast the thread will be when the debates start heating up. It turns out, these fears were well-founded.
  • Archangel Michael Didn't Read Any of That: When the thread goes off topic and tens of pages are created in a matter of hours, Archangel will come to the thread and post a .gif of hip-hip politicians with the caption “didn't read any of that”
  • Wisconsin is a Dictatorship: Everybody is convinced that Scott Walker rules Wisconsin as a dictator, and plans to invade to liberate the state of Illinois (mainly the Chicagoans). Of course, packmanwiscy is in denial, stating that Walker is a puppet and Aaron Rodgers is the true leader of Wisconsin. Nonetheless, everybody still maintains that Walker needs to be stopped. For some reason no one ever mentions Michigan, which is an actual dictatorship with irredentist claims on Indiana and Ohio.
  • Hey, Actual Politics: Whenever the thread goes off-topic for a few pages and someone eventually brings up a news story actually related to American politics, there will inevitably be a comment(s) on how it's something about politics in the American politics thread.
  • My Secret Identity: It seems that at one point or another every poster has been accused of secretly being a famous political figure. These range from the (semi-)rational, such as Kaiser K being Walter Mondale (Reagan Hate) or Kingpoleon being John Kasich, to such lows as packmanwiscy being Dan Quayle.
  • Beyond Reagandome: Every now then it's expressed that certain political problems (Republican debates or selecting Supreme Court Justices) should be solved via gladiator combat in a Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome style coliseum. When it comes to Republican debates it will usually be called Reagandome.
  • Kaiser K the Great Quote Robber: Kaiser K tends to repeat what previous posters have already posted before. Some just think it's just a coincidence or a result of the fast moving nature of the thread is that she doesn't see it before she posts. Others think she is just blatantly copying what they say to increase her post count.
  • Agent Greenback: The Campaign of Donald Trump: Certain posters have theorized the idea that Donald Trump is a double agent in the Republican primary, sent by the Democrats to wreak havoc on already out of control circus. As of now (October 2015), it seems to be going rather well as he is in the lead but appears to have stalled somewhat.
  • Senator Dreamboat The nickname given to Martin Heinrich, the young-ish Senator from New Mexico and potential VP candidate, by more than few forum members (usually Archangel Michael). Being named the sixth most beautiful Congressperson has helped his cause. We'll let you decide for yourself.
  • Joe Biden for VP 2016: Everybody seems disappointed that Joe Biden [Insert Your Favorite Biden Nickname Here] will most likely not continue to be the Vice-President when President Obama finally leaves. So some have suggested making Biden Vice-President for life. Whether or not this is an upgrade or downgrade has yet to be determined.
  • Wendell Willkie: American Politicial Maverick and International Ladies' Man: The largely forgotten, in the public eye, Republican nominee for President in 1940 against Franklin Roosevelt has become something of a point of interest to some Politiyanks (Turquoise Blue). Most notably for being the Republican nominee despite never having held political office before, attempting to establish a new liberal political party with Franklin Roosevelt, and for being the alleged lover of Chiang Kai-Shek's wife.
  • The Republican Party's Republic of Utah: The dominance of the Republican Party in Utah in almost all of it's elections (Presidential, Gubernatorial, Congressional, and local elections) has led to many proclaiming it a one-party state dictatorship and the Utah Democrats are only kept around to keep up the appearance of democracy to outsiders. Related to Incompetent Local Democrats.
  • The Aliases of Kaiser K Related to My Secret Identity, Kaiser K is apparently Donald Trump, Scott Walker's Communication Chief, Walter Mondale, Sam Rayburn, Joe Lieberman, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, and Harry Reid, along with her transgender bisexual self. All at the same time
  • Al Gore is Still Not Running For President: Some in the media seem to be obsessed with a mythical second Al Gore presidential campaign and the idea has been brought up in almost every election since 2000. Unsurprisingly this never happens and whenever the news is brought up around an election cycle it is shot down. Name is based off the SNL joke about the how the media over-reporting on Spanish dictator, Francisco Franco's declining health and death back in the 70s.
  • Brokered Conventions: Something else the US media is obsessed with and claims will happen every primary season, but never does. A common joke is to combine their two favourite things by suggesting Al Gore will be made the nominee at a brokered convention.
  • 420 Blaze It: On page 420 of every thread, someone, usually DTanza, posts a weed gif in honor.
  • Florida Whipping Boy: The Sunshine State is the subject of ridicule by many for a variety of reasons; it's Governor, the weakness of Florida Democrats, it's inability to seemingly handle a Presidential election. This is all much to the dismay of Floridian members, they can't deny it though. Proposals to solving it's problems are usually either sell it back to Spain or demote it Territory status.
  • Lincoln Chafee, Stealth Candidate: Lincoln Chafee's quixotic run for the Democratic nomination has left him so low-profile and obscure that it's often joked that he himself forgets who he is and that he's running. Ironically, his very obscurity has made him a commonly referenced running gag on the threads, more so than other minor candidates.
  • Francis Chafee: A comment by Wilcoxchar that Lincoln Chafee bares a resemblance to Francis Urquhart from House of Cards has lead to Georgepatton posting images of Chafee giving edited Francis Urquhart speeches. The posts in question;1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
  • Ross Perot, Leader of The Expendables: Arising from Fenwick discussing how Perot had hired mercenaries to rescue two of his company's workers from revolutionary Iran.
  • Doctor What Lost His Virginity To Hillary Clinton: While others were posting photos of the candidates when they were younger, Doc noticed not only a resemblance to the lady in question but also that she would be the right age. This story refused to die and it was later dredged up that Clinton had been involved with a law firm that had an affiliate based in the right city at the right time.
  • Elizabeth Warren Is Also Still Not Running For President: As with the Al Gore example, the US media are convinced the Massachusetts Senator is definitely running for President (or will possibly be Joe Biden's VP), however Warren also has a group of creepy stalkerish fans both on the internet and in real life who beg her to run, and every time she says no they appear not to hear. The joke is often phrased in the form of 'Warren does something unrelated - commentators agree presidential run imminent'.
  • The Modern Beethoven: Turquoise Blue's written songs (starting with Kirsty is a Reagan Girl originally made to annoy Kaiser K and continuing with New Deal, New Girl (this one K-approved) and A Girl Named Maddy (about Abhakhazia)) are considered good in the Politiyank threads. “The Modern Beethoven” is a nickname she made up herself.
  • “If Elected I Pledge To Eat President Obama's Children”: Thande's nickname for how Republican candidates who were expected to be strong candidates–but are actually polling in single figures in part due to the media focus on Donald Trump–desperately try to get some media attention by saying outrageously offensive things they think the base will like.
  • Kaiser K Posts An Insane Amount: Kaiser K. is the most frequent poster on the Poliyank threads. According to numbers run by packmanwiscy she has more posts in a single thread than anyone in the history of AH.com (and has topped herself multiple times), while according to numbers run by Napoleon IV a little over 10% of posts in the Poliyank threads were written by her. This has led members to discussing things such as getting Kaiser K. kicked so that the thread might move at a slower rate (somewhat related to “Why Is This Thread Moving So Fast?”) or asking her to slow down. Since Kaiser has taken a leave of absence due to illness, the speed of the thread has not slowed down, so it can only be concluded that it was not her fault.
  • John Ellis Bush Exclamation Point: The campaign logo of one John Ellis Bush - better known by name Jeb Bush, has become a sort of a running joke in Politiyank culture, it features Jeb's first name followed by a large exclamation point, which has led to said logo not only being the butt of many jokes; but has also led many members to refer to Bush as “Jeb!” rather then Jeb or Bush. Related to 2016 Campaign Logos.
  • Deli Man: Fenwick's nickname for his current Representative, and House Majority leader, Kevin McCarthy. Based on the fact that he used to own and run a Deli shop after winning the lottery when he was younger.
  • Fake Biden Presidential Announcements: Some Politiyanks have decided to poke fun at the constant media speculation surrounding Vice President Joe Biden and whether he will enter the 2016 Presidential Race or not by posting fake/mock announcements relating to Biden and his supposed presidential aspirations, usually involving an edited article and fake link that redirects to something else unrelated.
  • This Is Clearly Terrible News for X: Arising partly out of the trend of positive news about Hillary Clinton being buried under dramatic headlines and “bad news” in the news media, some Politiyanks have come to often invoke the title of this sarcastically whenever a good piece of news about a candidate is posted.
  • Politiyanks as Politicians: Not to be confused with My Secret Identity, it is a common passtime on slow news days for posters to construct timelines featuring long strings of fellow posters elected on fictitious tickets, or cabinets with themselves as President and other posters as their Secretaries. Zimmerwald1915 is annoyed whenever people include him, insisting that him holding political office is ASB. Naturally, this has led no one to stop.
  • Red Skies, Politiyank's Warning: On October 16, 2015 GMT time (which concidentially is TB's 20th birthday), some anti-Bernie Politiyanks such as Abhakhazia, Nofix, etc. declared that they actually like him after all, and would vote for him over many Republicans.
  • Cola Politics: A discussion arising around the various regional terminology for soda led to many creating analogies for the parties and factions to various soft drink products. Republicans being Coca Cola, Democrats being Pepsi, Vanilla Coke being New England Republicans, etc.
  • John Boehner, Forever Speaker: Due to the seeming inability (at least, at the time of this writing on October 21, 2015) of the Republican Party to quell an insurgency by the House Freedom Caucus and elect a candidate to succeed current Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner in his position, some members have come to suggest that Boehner will be forced to remain on as the Speaker beyond his original October resignation date and through at least the beginning of the New Year. Others have suggested that Boehner will remain Speaker forever, ruling over the House for all of eternity.
  • John Boehner, God Emperor and Dropper of Blood: Related to John Boehner, Forever Speaker, Taking the idea of Boehner remaining on as Speaker forever, some members have suggested that the stress of the job and built up anger from years of internal torment and being forced to stay on will eventually force Boehner to the point of madness; upon which he will his the Speaker's gavel as both a weapon against his enemies; and a way to cement the total absolute control he will then assume over Congress (and eventually America) as a result of it.
  • Martha Coakley, Ultimate Loser: After Democratic candidate Martha Coakley lost two elections in deep-blue Massachusetts to longshot Republicans (Scott Brown and Charlie Baker) it has been customary to act as though she causes any safe Democratic campaign to crumble to dust if she gets anywhere near it.
  • Gif Parties: Every now and then, someone replies to someone's gif response to an event or statement, with ANOTHER gif, which sometimes lead to “Gif Parties” where replies are completely or mostly gifs.
  • Pollsters Overestimate Democrats: Despite many national and local polls being done by several organizations of some repute, there has been a dearth mistakes by pollsters who always seem to think Democrats will perform better than they end up doing. See Martha Coakley as an example.
  • AH.com Mean Girls: After Abhakhazia told Kaiser K and Turquoise Blue to watch Mean Girls (mainly to get K to stop posting for an hour and a half), they both enthusiastically embraced the movie and post gifs from it consistently. This led to Abhakhazia putting herself in as Regina George in the Conservative Club Hunger Games simulator, and the joke has since expanded to include Upvoteanthology as Cady Heron.
  • Star Wars Politicans: Following Kaiser K having claimed she had never seen Star Wars before, the Politics Thread rapidly shifted to discuss Star Wars. So far, the confirmed list for Star Wars politicians is at; Jacen Solo-Alan Grayson, Jaina Solo-Susan Collins, Anakin Solo-Lindsey Graham, Grand Admiral Thrawn-Colin Powell, Admiral Ackbar-John McCain, Lando Calrissian-Joe Lieberman, Darth Revan-George Wallace, Imperial Remnant-Politibrits, Tea Party-Yuuzhan Vong, Obi-Wan Kenobi-Bernie Sanders, Luke Skywalker-Elizabeth Warren, Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader-Hillary Clinton, Exar Kun-Ronald Reagan
  • Gerrymandermania:Some of our more gifted mapmakers have made attempts to produce the most balently partisan House Districts possible.
  • DEMOGRAPHICS: Based off the trend of pundits stating (somewhat accurately) that US demographic trends will favour the Democratic Party (so long as minorities continue to vote Democratic…) as the United States becomes majority-minority. Many posters have responded to any criticism of the Democratic Party's strategies with the mantra of DEMOGRAPHICS, posting maps where huge swathes of the Sun Belt and Mountain West will be solid blue by the 2020s. Republicans often counter with the fact that Mormons are the fastest growing demographic and are becoming more Republican, and the GOP will be the true winners of DEMOGRAPHICS
  • Democratic Idaho: Related to DEMOGRAPHICS, this comes from a recent Jay Roosevelt timeline where Idaho narrowly goes Democratic in the 2024 Presidential election. Often paired with Republican Minnesota.
  • God-Emperor Jerry Brown: Many Californian Politiyanks prefer a continued Brown administration over any other potential Democratic future governors such as Gavin Newsom, leading to a desire for an eternal Brown government to cleanse us of our sins. The possibility of California taking over Puerto Rico in response to the Commonwealth's financial troubles has also lead to Brown being referred to as “Jerry of the House of Brown, King on the Sacramento Throne, Lord of NorCal and SoCal, Protector of California and of Puerto Rico.
  • Debbie: Debbie Wasserman Shultz, the DNC Chair, is despised by everybody on the thread due to her incompetence and scheduling debates and other notable activities when nobody will watch, like the weekend before Christmas or during the College Football National Championship Game.
  • Second Choice O'Malley: Due to the increasing hostility between Clinton and Sanders supporters, and his recent success in debates according to the politiyanks, O'Malley seems to have become everybody's second choice. But nobody actually has the gall to vote for him, because that's like giving a vote to the enemy.
  • “My Father was a Mailman..”: It has been noticed by the Politiyanks that Ohio Governor John Kasich has the tendency to do one of four things when asked a question during a Republican debate - mention that he is from Ohio - mention that he helped balanced the budget during the Clinton Administration - mention that he once flew on Reagan's Air Force One - and mention that his father was a mailman and that his grandfather was a coal miner; this tendency has of course led to widespread mocking and jokes made at the expense of the Governor.
  • Paul Ryan Is Also Not Running For President: Like Al Gore and Elizabeth Warren, Paul Ryan is constantly speculated to be thrown into the Presidency, either by running for the GOP nomination, becoming the candidate via broken convention compromise candidate, or elected POTUS after tied electoral votes throws voting to the House.
  • Nebraska Democrats are Teenage Girls from an Anime: While it is more of a minor running joke then anything, the Politiyanks have often joked (usually at Archangel Michael's expense) that Democrats from the State of Nebraska are really teenage girls from a Japanese anime series. This is inevitably followed by someone making a joke about Free Silver, because Bryan.
  • Democrats For Haslam: Conceding that a future Republican President is inevitable at some point, the Democratic politiyanks have expressed support for it being Tennessee's moderate Governor, Bill Haslam, citing the fact that, unlike the current crop of candidates, he isn't stark raving mad.
  • The Secret Natalie Portman Fan Club: To the surprise of a few, the Politiyanks reached bipartisan agreement the night before the 2016 Iowa Caucuses that actress Natalie Portman is the finest woman of the last twenty years. A slew of .gifs cemented her place as the dream girl of many members.
  • Obama Knows Exactly What He's Doing: We want to dispel the notion once and for all that Obama doesn't know what he is doing. Obama knows exactly what he's doing. (Explanation: that time that Marco Rubio failed so badly at not acting like a robot in a debate that he repeated the same canned line four times in the space of a few minutes.) Rubio's legendarily awful performance in the debate before the New Hampshire primary is sure to become a POD for many timelines in the future.
  • EMAAAAAAAAIIIILLSSSSSS: Mockery of the endless sort-of quasi-almost-scandal that is the GOP's obsession with Hillary Clinton's emails.
  • Colorado Hates Hillary: Due to a poll from way back in 2008 showing Hillary Clinton doing poorly in Colorado, it's common knowledge that she's doomed to lose any election there for the rest of time. That she lost the 2016 Democratic caucus in that state to Bernie Sanders has confirmed the truth of Colorado's hatred for all time.
  • The Inevitable Julian Castro: It's assumed by many that, after winning the nomination, Hillary Clinton will choose HUD Secretary Julian Castro as her running mate. Just as inevitable as Castro himself are debates about whether he's actually qualified, whether nominating him is nothing but the cynical identity politics that the GOP is accused of for hyping Rubio, and DTanza lamenting that if Hillary is going to have a Hispanic running mate, Xavier Becerra would be better.
  • Victories for Gilmore: There is an odd obsession with the strange hopeless Presidential campaign of former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore. After Gilmore said every vote for him in the primaries was a victory, it became common to refer to Gilmore's extremely low vote totals as him having received ”[number] victories“. The suspension of his campaign was met with much sorrow from both Republicans and Democrats.
  • Doctor What's Couch: The presumed Canadian destination/refugee station for all left-wing Politiyanks when their outsized doomsayings inevitably come to pass. Actually a very old meme that goes way back to discussion about the 2004 presidential election when AH.com was new.
  • Chris Christie Held Hostage: After dropping out of the race, Chris Christie endorsed Donald Trump and introduced him for his victory speech on Super Tuesday. Christie's horrified, pained expression as he stood silently behind Trump has been the subject of much mockery and led to claims that Trump is holding Governor Christie hostage.
  • Newt Gingrich In Space: Even the most left-wing politiyank space nerds love Newt Gingrich's pro-space policies, specifically his support for a moon base.
  • The Cuomo-Newsom Axis of Death: Exaggerated (and much bemoaned by DTanza) fears of the Democratic party becoming dominated by soulless pro-business “silicon valley” centrists, personified by New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and California Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom.
  • Phantom Cough: Since Ben Carson obnoxiously coughed during a debate in December, there have been several jokes about unseen coughing during debates. packmanwiscy is frequently seen during debates keeping a running track of phantom coughs. When the amount of phantom coughs start to become annoyingly noticeable, members comment on how the cough is doing better than Jeb Bush in national polling or something like that
  • DTanza is a Therapist: DTanza often comments after a debate or primary or something notable in the news that he will be flooded with PM's of people wanting to talk to him.
  • The FDP: During the endless complaints about the incompetence of Florida Democrats, people started referring to them as the FDP (Florida Democratic Party), which lead to many jokes about how the Florida Democrats are contesting seats in Germany now, as that is also the acronym for Germany's Free Democratic Party.
  • Transhumanist Rick Perry : Inspired by a dystopic election game run by The Red, posters often make jokes about how Rick Perry will take powerful drugs, become an anarchist transhumanist, and turn himself into a nanobot cloud who wants to take over the world.
  • Bun: Imported from the Politbrits.

See Also

offtopic/the_politiyanks.txt · Last modified: 2020/02/03 23:20 by eofpi