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--- offtopic:the_bald_imposter [2014/02/25 19:43] – Zoltie
+++ offtopic:the_bald_imposter [2020/02/10 19:33] (current) – Updating to new link format eofpi
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+======Burton K Wheeler======
+//formerly The Bald Imposter//
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+To quote [[Dave Howery]]:  Burton K. Wheeler is a liar.  [S]he lies all the time.  [S]he especially lies on the subject of gender and sexual preference.  When [s]he posts, automatically assume [s]he's lying.  The only time [s]he doesn't lie is when [s]he says that [s]he lies all the time.  And [s]he never says that, so, for all practical purposes, [s]he lies all the time.
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+Burton K Wheeler can bend steel with the power of his mind.  Burton K Wheeler turned [[Fellatio Nelson]] straight.  Burton K Wheeler is feared by wrongdoers and [[offtopic:baldianism|loved]] by the weak.
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+[[offtopic:the bald imposter|Kayla]] luvs [[offtopic:elle-jay|Dylan]] 4EVA!!!
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+Also apparently a Rapist Dolphin. Strangely, this revelation has nothing to do with the [[ASB forum]].
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+Was selected as Mod for the Alternate History Forums on November 29, 2010.
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+Supposedly a member of the [[offtopic:Fucked Up Trio]].
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+[[shared worlds:Morrow Project]]
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+==== (Mostly inadvertent) Nicknames ====
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+  * Baldie
+  * [[Balide]]
+  * Badlei (from drunk [[Thande]], suggesting he's a below-standard Hawaiian flower garland)
+  * Bladie
+  * Blakey ("I 'ate you, Nelson!")
+  * Balders
+  * The Baldster (by [[Nekromans]])
+  * Slaphead (given to him by [[Fellatio Nelson]] in the early days)
+  * Big Stupid Dinosaur (given to him by a kid he was babysitting)
+  * Mr. Imposter
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-I DECLARE WAR!!
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+==== Famous Quotes ====
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+  *  {{offtopic:mads.gif|}} //(in response to innuendo by Kit and Fell, or the [[Creepy Hetero Teens]] slavering after a new female member)//
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+  * [[I'm drinking]]...
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+=== Baldian Smileyology ===
-I DECLARE WAR!!
+Baldie founded the practice of [[https://www.alternatehistory.com/forum/threads/1/post-990106|Baldian Smileyology]], in which prominent members are associated with a particular smiley. Baldie himself, of course, is associated with the :mad: smiley.
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+====Actual Alternate History contributions====
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+The Bald Imposter has started and abandoned after one post some of the Board's most ambitious and fascinating timelines.
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+[[timelines:A Most Fortunate Arrow]] (POD:  Gracchus the Elder is killed fighting Iberian rebels in 150 B.C.) featured reformed Roman Republic that made Carthage a vassal, a New Alexandrian Empire, and ethnic shuffling that would put [[offtopic:Thermopylae]] to shame.  This TL is still active, and "very intensive research" is to blame for the fact that it hasn't been updated since mid-2006.
-I DECLARE WAR!!
+[[http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=65928|The Danelaw of Britain]] (POD:  Alfred of Wessex is defeated by the Great Heathen Army in 870 A.D.)
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+Collaborated with frequent partner in crime [[offtopic:Haggis]] in the development of [[timelines:Vincent Votes]] (POD: Free blacks in Haiti are allowed to vote in 1790).  This TL is also undergoing "very intensive research)
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+Wrote a short fiction piece called [[http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=55784|A Matter of Titles]], which was widely hailed as hilarious and brilliant.
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+Asks about the Volga Germans in any TL with a POD between 1763 and 1941.
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+Err...that's about it, really.
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-I DECLARE WAR!!
+==== AH.com Politics ====
+Baldie is a member of the [[offtopic:Keep Everything The Way It Was Before Party]] and is one of their MPs.  He has also been appointed as a Special Cabinet Minister by [[offtopic:Sargon|Acting President Sargon]] holding the position of High Strategos of the AH.com Marines.
+----
+====Appearances in AH.com Fiction====
+Baldie has made appearances in several episodes of //**[[stories:AH.com The Series]]**//.
+Appears in Doctor What's //**[[stories:Snake Oil]]**//, as Michael Baldwin.
+Features in Fell's story //**[[stories:Dial M for Elastic]]**// as Baldie the Cugly, King of Thandalistan.
+Appears in //**[[stories:Luaky Commer]]**// as a Knowitall student and in //**[[stories:AH.com Wars]]**// with a minor jokey cameo.
+Features in //**[[stories:There'll Always Be An England]]**// as Sergeant Theodore Baldwin.
+----
+==== Navigation ====
+**[[Member List]]**