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--- offtopic:2008_us_presidential_election [2008/11/05 10:21] – created Thande
+++ offtopic:2008_us_presidential_election [2019/03/29 15:13] (current) – external edit 127.0.0.1
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 ====== 2008 U.S. presidential election ======
-It all started in November 2004 when George Bush v2.0, thanks to the readership of the Guardian, defeated John Kerry and thus proved himself superior to version 1, which had had a tendency to crash when one attempted to boot up a second term.
+It all started in November 2004 when George Bush v2.0, thanks to the readership of the [[Guardian]], defeated John Kerry and thus proved himself superior to version 1, which had had a tendency to crash when one attempted to boot up a second term.
 Kerry returned to his previous job as Senator for Easter Island, and v2.0 soon ran into problems: it took two years for the programmers to develop a surge patch for the "Iraq" bug, requiring the removal of the Rumsfeld code module, and no sooner had this been achieved that the Afghanistan worm reared its head once more.
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 For that reason, it was decided to go with company policy and discontinue v2.0. Campaigning for the 2008 election began on November 3rd 2004.
-By 2007, the two parties had both produced their favoured candidates. The Democrats had a woman, a black man, and an adulterer, who soon dropped out after it was pointed out that it was bad luck to have two Democratic adulterer presidents in a row. The woman, Hilarity Clinton, was attacked on the grounds that she had already served two terms and a third was unconstitutional. Her successful black opponent came from a long line of prescient soothsayers and was thus named in 1961 after the key election issues to ensure his nomination: Iraq Hussein Osama. However, it transpired that the scrying could only penetrate as far as 2007 due to the activation of the Large Hadron Collider, and thus when these issues dropped off the map, the black man changed his name to Barack Hussein Obama (a compromise after his initial choice of Copa Cabana was refused) or, for short, The Messiah.
+By 2007, the two parties had both produced their favoured candidates. The Democrats had a woman, a black man, and an adulterer, who soon dropped out after it was pointed out that it was bad luck to have two Democratic adulterer presidents in a row. The woman, Hilarity Clinton, was attacked on the grounds that she had already served two terms and a third was unconstitutional. Her successful black opponent came from a long line of prescient soothsayers and was thus named in 1961 after the key election issues to ensure his nomination: Iraq Hussein Osama. However, it transpired that the scrying could only penetrate as far as 2007 due to the activation of the Large Hadron Collider, and thus when these issues dropped off the map, the black man changed his name to [[Barack Obama#Barack Hussein Obama]] (a compromise after his initial choice of Copa Cabana was refused) or, for short, The Messiah.
 Meanwhile, the Republicans dithered between a millionaire Mormon, who was attacked for spending too much time starring in Harry Turtledove novels and not enough on the campaign trail, a man who put the Fun into Fundamentalism, and Ron Paul, who after failing to gain the nomination proceeded to secretly engineer a massive financial crisis in a bid to make his positions look halfway sensible. In the end, however, they plumped for John McCain, on grounds of his long political experience - he had been a campaign advisor for George Washington, thus being associated with the only non-partisan election campaign in US history - and his war hero status: during the Seven Years' War he had been captured and tortured by the Spanish Inquisition.
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 {{offtopic:mccain_-_copy.jpg|}}
+Four years later, of course, America would decide to do the whole thing all over again in the [[offtopic:2012 US presidential election]].