====== Dial M for Elastic ======

An ongoing [[stories:stories|story]] by [[offtopic:Fellatio Nelson]]. Like some of his earlier efforts, it is set in a fictionalised late Victorian age, featuring numerous terribly English gentlemen.

You can find it [[http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=67522|here]].

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==== Overview ====

The unknown country of Thandistan (or Thandalistan), among the mountains between China, Nepal and Bhutan, is the world's largest source of elastic. The British wish to obtain Thandalistan as a protectorate in order to use this elastic to make elastic redcoat uniforms against which foreign bullets will simply bounce off. Yet Thandalistan conceals many dark secrets...

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==== Cast in order of appearance ====

[[offtopic:Thande]]: Sir Thomas Ribb-Tikkler Thande, one of Her Majesty's intelligence agents, undercover as a valet on the SS //Pondicherry//. Heads the expedition to Thandalistan.

[[offtopic:MrP]]: The lunatic surgeon-physician Mister Oestrogen Pee, MD, FRCS, FRCP. Violent francophobe and friend of Flocc. Part of the expedition.

[[offtopic:Flocculencio]]: Colonel Phileas Flocc, erstwhile commanding officer of the 5th Rajputana Rifles. Part of the expedition.

[[offtopic:Abdul Hadi Pasha]]: Captain Abdul Hadi Pasha of the Ottoman Zeppelin Corps. Renegade airship captain. 

[[offtopic:Faeelin]]: Captain Abdul's curiously sarcastic Pekinese lapdog.

[[offtopic:Aozhouhuaren]]: Hendryk's Chinese/Australian sidekick.

[[offtopic:Hendryk]]: French warlord in southwestern China. Has two beautiful concubines from French Indochina called Phuc Mi and Phuc Yu. Old friend of Thande and Abdul.

[[offtopic:Doctor What]]: Father Bruno What, a clergyman defrocked for his activity with the nuns. Expert on lesbians. Assistant of Dr Leo in his archaeological excavations in Thandalistan.

[[offtopic:Leo Caesius]]: Doctor Leo Caesius of the North American Academy of Foreign Stuff. In Thandalistan performing archaeological excavations, but his superstitious native bearers have deserted him.

[[offtopic:The Dean]]: Lieutenant Colonel The Reverend Dean Martin, padre to the ill-fated British expedition to capture Thandistan back in ’76. Important in the prisoner-of-war camp in the Thandali capital.

[[offtopic:Jason]]: A POW in the prison camp and friend of the Dean.

[[offtopic:Cyrrylia]]: St Cyril the Inherent, ancient Thandalese woodland saint of private and public property. Smites down any who misuse his private (and yet public) property. 

[[offtopic:Beauhooligan]]: Mister Boo Hoo Hooligan. A suit-clad man with a stove pipe hat, a grey beard, a guitar slung on his back, and a small wooden trailer with squeaking pram wheels pulled behind him. Rescues Leo and Doc from the curse of Cyril using his hallucinogenic snuff. Ex-US Navy, jumped ship from the USS //Endoscope// in Yokohama.

[[offtopic:Torqumada]]: An American medic in the POW camp, currently making a clay statue of his perfect woman, but has run out of clay when it came to doing the torso.

[[offtopic:Glen]]: Another American medic in the POW camp.

[[offtopic:The Bald Imposter]]: King Baldie the Cugly, ruler of Thandalistan. Wears a ceremonial Viking costume and his stronghold is modelled on Valhalla.

[[offtopic:Nekromans]]: Page Nek, Baldie's servant.

[[offtopic:The Mists of Time]]: A Baldian priest in Baldie's household. Made a seven-foot-tall statue of the Triple Goddess of Thandistan, but ran out of clay before he got to doing the tail and udders.

[[offtopic:hypern]]: A mad prophet kept in a cage by Baldie, who writes badly-spelled prophecies in chalk on a slab of pavement.

[[offtopic:Landshark]]: Baldie's chief torturer.

[[offtopic:VulcanTrekkie45]]: Landshark's asssistant.

The Gingerons: A race driven underground by Baldie in ages past.

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