======Burton K Wheeler======
//formerly The Bald Imposter//

To quote [[Dave Howery]]:  Burton K. Wheeler is a liar.  [S]he lies all the time.  [S]he especially lies on the subject of gender and sexual preference.  When [s]he posts, automatically assume [s]he's lying.  The only time [s]he doesn't lie is when [s]he says that [s]he lies all the time.  And [s]he never says that, so, for all practical purposes, [s]he lies all the time.

Burton K Wheeler can bend steel with the power of his mind.  Burton K Wheeler turned [[Fellatio Nelson]] straight.  Burton K Wheeler is feared by wrongdoers and [[offtopic:baldianism|loved]] by the weak.

[[offtopic:the bald imposter|Kayla]] luvs [[offtopic:elle-jay|Dylan]] 4EVA!!!

Also apparently a Rapist Dolphin. Strangely, this revelation has nothing to do with the [[ASB forum]].

Was selected as Mod for the Alternate History Forums on November 29, 2010.

Supposedly a member of the [[offtopic:Fucked Up Trio]].

[[shared worlds:Morrow Project]]

==== (Mostly inadvertent) Nicknames ====

  * Baldie
  * [[Balide]]
  * Badlei (from drunk [[Thande]], suggesting he's a below-standard Hawaiian flower garland)
  * Bladie
  * Blakey ("I 'ate you, Nelson!")
  * Balders
  * The Baldster (by [[Nekromans]])
  * Slaphead (given to him by [[Fellatio Nelson]] in the early days)
  * Big Stupid Dinosaur (given to him by a kid he was babysitting)
  * Mr. Imposter



==== Famous Quotes ====

  *  {{offtopic:mads.gif|}} //(in response to innuendo by Kit and Fell, or the [[Creepy Hetero Teens]] slavering after a new female member)//

  * [[I'm drinking]]...


=== Baldian Smileyology ===

Baldie founded the practice of [[https://www.alternatehistory.com/forum/threads/1/post-990106|Baldian Smileyology]], in which prominent members are associated with a particular smiley. Baldie himself, of course, is associated with the :mad: smiley.



====Actual Alternate History contributions====

The Bald Imposter has started and abandoned after one post some of the Board's most ambitious and fascinating timelines.

[[timelines:A Most Fortunate Arrow]] (POD:  Gracchus the Elder is killed fighting Iberian rebels in 150 B.C.) featured reformed Roman Republic that made Carthage a vassal, a New Alexandrian Empire, and ethnic shuffling that would put [[offtopic:Thermopylae]] to shame.  This TL is still active, and "very intensive research" is to blame for the fact that it hasn't been updated since mid-2006.

[[http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=65928|The Danelaw of Britain]] (POD:  Alfred of Wessex is defeated by the Great Heathen Army in 870 A.D.)

Collaborated with frequent partner in crime [[offtopic:Haggis]] in the development of [[timelines:Vincent Votes]] (POD: Free blacks in Haiti are allowed to vote in 1790).  This TL is also undergoing "very intensive research) 

Wrote a short fiction piece called [[http://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=55784|A Matter of Titles]], which was widely hailed as hilarious and brilliant.

Asks about the Volga Germans in any TL with a POD between 1763 and 1941.

Err...that's about it, really.



==== AH.com Politics ====

Baldie is a member of the [[offtopic:Keep Everything The Way It Was Before Party]] and is one of their MPs.  He has also been appointed as a Special Cabinet Minister by [[offtopic:Sargon|Acting President Sargon]] holding the position of High Strategos of the AH.com Marines.

----

====Appearances in AH.com Fiction====

Baldie has made appearances in several episodes of //**[[stories:AH.com The Series]]**//.

Appears in Doctor What's //**[[stories:Snake Oil]]**//, as Michael Baldwin.

Features in Fell's story //**[[stories:Dial M for Elastic]]**// as Baldie the Cugly, King of Thandalistan.

Appears in //**[[stories:Luaky Commer]]**// as a Knowitall student and in //**[[stories:AH.com Wars]]**// with a minor jokey cameo.

Features in //**[[stories:There'll Always Be An England]]**// as Sergeant Theodore Baldwin.

----

==== Navigation ====

**[[Member List]]**