Ye Tale of a Curiouf Hiftorie

King James IX

Being ye moſte curiouse tale of an
England Divyded

A play in 4 actes
with anotations
by J. Hyett



Dramatis Personae:
Richard III ........................... King of England
Lady Anne ........................... Queen of England
John of Gloucester
Edward of Middleham }.... Their Children
Katherine
Sir Jared ............................... A Knight

Nathan.................................. An English Merchant
Marie.................................... Nathan's Wife
Thomas................................ Their Son

Henry I .............................. King of Lancaster
Margaret of Newcastle..... Queen of Lancaster
Antony ............................... The King's Messenger

James IV ............................ King of Scots
Barbara of Denmark ........ Queen of Scots

Gorgibus ............................. A Whoremaster

Countrymen, Soldiers, Merchants, Youths, Whores, &c.



[OOC: So this is my second timeline-y thing here, and I hope it's an original idea. It's a play written from the perspective of a 16th century playwright who had a vision of an alternate world where the War of the Roses had resulted in the Kingdom of England splitting between Henry and Richard III, into England and Lancaster. Should be... interesting.:D]
 
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King James IX

Act 1 Scene 1

An English Royal Dining Hall. Enter Richard, Lady Anne, John, Edward, Katherine, Sir Jared, Henry[1], Margaret, Antony and other knights and noblemen. They are seated around a table laden with food.
RICHARD Friends, we are here on this day to mark the end of the bitter war that has plagued our houses for oh so many years. I hope you will join me, and King Henry, in toasting the eternal wealth of our two nations. May we live in harmony, and prosperity.
Everyone toasts.
HENRY Yea, and I have one further announcement to make. This is that I have chosen the lovely Margaret of Newcastle[2] for my Queen. Long may she be just and beautiful.
RICHARD So make merry, everyone! Let no plate go unscathed, and ravish this feast to your hearts' content.
They eat. Richard and Henry speak to each other.
RICHARD My fair King Henry, it seems even now so long ago that we were at each others' throats. How far we have come.
HENRY How far indeed, your majesty, and yet, we have only begun this voyage into a new era of prosperity and wonder.
RICHARD I trust the mapmakers have finished the first draft?
HENRY They have indeed. Antony!
ANTONY My lord?
HENRY Bring me the maps in all due haste.
ANTONY Right you are, majesty. Ah, here are the devils.
Henry and Richard look over the maps.
RICHARD Very well done. I admire the craftsmanship.
HENRY I was about to say the same myself. Pray tell, Antony, I trust this border is only the preliminary sketches, and that it shall be expanded final draft?
ANTONY Well, my lord, you see the mapmakers were certain this was the border conforming to your instruction.
RICHARD I see nothing wrong with the border, Henry.
HENRY I should think so! Antony, the mapmakers must have made an error. Surely we decided on Ouse as the barrier, Richard?
RICHARD I don't recall such a decision. This map is as perfect as the curl of a baby's hair, my compliments to your cartographers.
HENRY I'll give them more than your compliments, I can tell you that.
Richard and Henry part, Lady Anne and Margaret are deep engaged in conversation.
LADY ANNE Personally, I couldn't see the whole point of the War.
MARGARET I know what you mean, m'lady. 'T seems such a mannish thing, a meaningless war.
LADY ANNE Well, there you have it. Men, the root of all evils.
MARGARET Rightly said, m'lady. This being said, of course, what would we do without them?
LADY ANNE A world without men?
MARGARET Can you imagine such a place?
BOTH Bliss.
They too part. Katherine and Sir Jared are in dialogue nearby.
SIR JARED M'lady, how fare ye on such a wondrous day?
KATHERINE Wondrous, ye say? Ha! Far from wondrous, is this day, fair Sir Knight.
SIR JARED Princess, I ache to see your figure darkened so. What dark thought hath crept into your fair curl'd head?
KATHERINE My father. He would marry me off to some Lancastrian dog, to secure favour with the Tudors. I won't have it! I am faithful to my country through and through, but am not prepared to taint my offspring with filthy Lancastrian mud-blood!
SIR JARED My lady, while I share some of your sentiments, it would be wise not to express them nearly so loudly. Have you forgotten where we are? Nay, for tonight at least, be careful with your tongue.
KATHERINE Fair knight, my tongue shall not stay controlled, lest it be ripp'd from my mouth and torn into a million pieces.
SIR JARED Then I shall merely have to occupy it a while.
He kisses her.
Exeunt all.


[1] It should be noted that this tyme-line's (henceforth abbreviated TTL) Henry I is analogous to our tyme-line's (abbreviated OTL) Henry VII, Founder of the Tudor Dynasty. [2] TW's Margaret, Queen of Lancaster is unlike any historical figures in OW, at least, not to the knowledge of any historical papers I have found.
 
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Interesting idea certainly if a tad ASB.

Some style criticism if you don't mind:

1) Best use the common OTL (Our TimeLine) and TTL (This TimeLine) for wider reading
2) The long 's' is only used within words and not at the ends e.g. moft curious not most curiouf (and indeed for veracity they'd likely be mofte curioufe/moste curiouse)
3) Spacing! Type in WordPad to avoid losing paragraph spaces as a lot of formatting gets lost on copy&paste.
 

King James IX

Interesting idea certainly if a tad ASB.

Some style criticism if you don't mind:

1) Best use the common OTL (Our TimeLine) and TTL (This TimeLine) for wider reading
2) The long 's' is only used within words and not at the ends e.g. moft curious not most curiouf (and indeed for veracity they'd likely be mofte curioufe/moste curiouse)
3) Spacing! Type in WordPad to avoid losing paragraph spaces as a lot of formatting gets lost on copy&paste.

Glad to see the only criticism is in display :D Thanks.

Here's the correct character: <ſ> :)

Ah, thank you. I'll update the OP with this.
 

King James IX

Act 1 Scene 2
The House of Nathan. Enter Nathan and Thomas.

THOMAS Father, can you believe our fortune! What seemed like the Ne'er-ending War of All Wars would outlive us all, and yet here we stand in a new era of peace and wonder! Father, are you not pleased at our king's triumph?

NATHAN Forgive me, boy, my mind is far from easy. You see, to accommodate for the loss of land and bodies to Lancaster, the gormpt[1] King Richard, Leader of Our Great Nation, has imposed taxation upon us lowly merchants and workers. So no, boy, I am not pleased by our "triumph", if it may be called that even.

THOMAS But surely a paltry tax is worth the price of peace in our lands!

NATHAN Paltry, eh? Foolish boy, you'll learn not to squander coin so. Begone now out of my sight, lest I strike you!

Exeunt, Nathan pursuing Thomas. Alarum off-stage. Enter Marie.

MARIE Oh, my boys. My poor, foolish boys. If they only knew what I have done this day! Oh, the lamentable sorrow of me! Of course, they might never know, no. I mustn't let them. I mustn't let them know of Gorgibus and the Girls and Duldry Street[2]. Oh, I would weep were it not for the emptiness of my inside. How many men, I wonder? How many men tomorrow? And after! Oh, my boys... How many men will have to use me before we can get a decent meal into Thomas? How many men until we can move into the city? Oh, woe is me! Woe!

Exit.


[1] The word 'gormpt' is found singularly in the vocabulary of those of TTL. I am under the impression that it signifies one of limited brains, but high authority. I heard it used several times to refer to monarchs during my visit to TTL. [2] Duldry Street was a well-known whore-street in Cornewall of TTL.
 
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King James IX

Scene 3

The Court of King Henry of Lancaster. Enter Henry. He sits on the throne.

HENRY Be this verily kingdom? Ere our independence, I have not rested a moment, constant duties call. It weakens me so. O! Would that I could rest! But hark, my messenger! How now, Antony?

Enter Antony.

ANTONY My Lord, his highness King James of Scotland wishes palaver with you.

HENRY I welcome his majesty in open arms, bring him hither,

ANTONY But my lord, he is hence!

HENRY Yes, I know that he be hence, I would have thee bring him hither. Off with you!

Antony rushes off. He returns, followed by King James IV and a few Scottish Guards.

JAMES Your highness. I hear you have sorted with England?

HENRY Truly, I have discussed matters with King Richard. I think he is happy with the arrangement, however we have yet the matter of maps to sort.

JAMES I see. It is, in fact, this matter of maps I have hastened here to discuss.

HENRY Pray tell what you would.

JAMES I would have the Fine Scottish Border moved ever so slightly southwards of where it lies.

HENRY My gracious King, your request is of course reasonable. How far would you have it extended.

JAMES Ten leagues.

HENRY Say no more, my King, it shall be done! Will this be all?

JAMES No, I would also like to inform you of my recent political association between my fair Kingdom and that of the fine Isle of Mann[1]. I would have it announced that we are to form the new state of the United Kingdoms of Scotland and Mann. We-- I and King John of Mann-- extend our wish that you may consider joining us in prosperity and wealth.

HENRY A charming proposition. I shall let you know if I decide. Farewell, your majesty!

JAMES Farewell!

Exeunt King James and Guards.

HENRY Say, Antony, tell me: what constitutes a league?

Antony rolls his eyes. Exeunt them both.


[1]A further independent Kingdom, that of the Isle of Mann, was established after the war.
 
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