WI: Nic Cage Willy Wonka Remake

Forget Johnny Depp. What if Nic Cage, our eccentric, beloved crazy person, had been cast as Willy Wonka in the remake? And this is stolen from the Cinema Snob.
 
I want to see this with Christopher Walken as Grandpa now.

"Cha'lie...c'mon! We'll take this cho-co-late recipe, and we'll sell it to that Slugworth guy. I can't let you get too close, though. He seems like a pedophile. He might try to take your virtue from you...and you can never let anyone take away your virtue, Cha'lie. Not anyone. Ho."
 
"Cha'lie...c'mon! We'll take this cho-co-late recipe, and we'll sell it to that Slugworth guy. I can't let you get too close, though. He seems like a pedophile. He might try to take your virtue from you...and you can never let anyone take away your virtue, Cha'lie. Not anyone. Ho."

The way I read Charlie there in Walken's voice sounded like how the Italian fellow in the Italian Job pronounces Michael Cain's character's name.

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CAGE: "I'm going to steal Slugworth's recipe."
 
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"You're a bully, Mista Wonka. A real rat bastard, if you pardon my french. Yelling...at a little boy. I should take you out back ... break your fuckin' legs. But I won't, because I'm a gentleman. You *extended, waggering pointing of finger* are a real son-of-a-bitch."
 
*Points to Augustus Gloop*

"That's how it goes, Cha'lie. Sometimes, you go for the cho-co-late, and you get the golden ticket. Sometimes, you go for the cho-co-late, and you get sucked up a tube like fecal matter...through bowels. Such is life."
 
He's certainly no Gene Wilder, but his deadpan style does fit more with his version of Wonka than Johnny Depp's portrayal did.
 
Nic Cage quotes are harder, because it's him delivering words in a way that ignores reality of how words are said and how humans act. Walken quotes are oddly stuttered and paused speech, with odd emphasis, usually with a deep but awkwardly delivered meaning. That's easier to do in a text format.
 
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