When you Wish Upon a Frog (Book II of the Jim Henson at Disney saga)
- Thread starter Geekhis Khan
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It's probably just the atmosphere of my own house at the moment but reading this got me teary eyed for whatever reason. Good shit.
On the (somewhat) positive side, it would appear that this attack in particular is a one off instance given it being lumped in with the (still tragic but) somewhat lesser incidents of the past. At least pre-2016 or whenever Lindquist's biography got published.
On the (somewhat) positive side, it would appear that this attack in particular is a one off instance given it being lumped in with the (still tragic but) somewhat lesser incidents of the past. At least pre-2016 or whenever Lindquist's biography got published.
Edit: Very sad and somber article; and it's a shame the special doesn't do well.
I do have a question. While the Rwanda Genocide isn't AS terrible due to the rest of the world not standing by idly I can still see the perpetrators fleeing to Zaire, which ultimately led IOTL to the Congo Wars (the second one being THE single most devastating conflict since World War II bar none). Would President Gore try to get involved to stop the bloodshed in that one too? That would be a potentially interesting idea to touch down on. The Yugoslav interventions aren't happening, and Rwanda is a relative success so I can see the Congo Wars being much more in the news, with them taking the place of the Yugoslav interventions
I do have a question. While the Rwanda Genocide isn't AS terrible due to the rest of the world not standing by idly I can still see the perpetrators fleeing to Zaire, which ultimately led IOTL to the Congo Wars (the second one being THE single most devastating conflict since World War II bar none). Would President Gore try to get involved to stop the bloodshed in that one too? That would be a potentially interesting idea to touch down on. The Yugoslav interventions aren't happening, and Rwanda is a relative success so I can see the Congo Wars being much more in the news, with them taking the place of the Yugoslav interventions
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Entertainment News, 1997
Frank Wells to Retire from Disney, Stan Kinsey to Assume Executive Duties
The LA Times, August 1st, 1997
That may be Jim behind that Goofy head (Image Source William H. Adams)
Anaheim – Walt Disney Entertainment Company CEO Frank Wells today announced that he will step down at the end of the fiscal year to pursue “advocation for Green Energy policies”. “Walt Disney Entertainment has been good to me,” Wells told the Times. “Jim Henson and Ron Miller and Roy Disney have been very supportive to me over the years, and it’s a job that I loved, but I’m at the point in my life where I need to pursue my passions. That Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow will depend on the battle against Climate Change, and I plan to continue to do my part.”
Wells joined the company in 1984 following the dramatic attempted hostile takeover by Associated Communications Corporation (ACC, now part of Time Atlantic), becoming the President and COO. He later became Chairman and, following a brief stint as an Undersecretary of Commerce in the Gore administration, returned as CEO, taking over for Walt Disney son-in-law Ron Miller, with Jim Henson taking over as Chairman. Wells oversaw a meteoric rise in Disney’s size and valuation, expanding across the globe and acquiring such luminary company labels as MGM and NBC.
Current Disney COO Stan Kinsey was named as his replacement as CEO, which was long expected despite some speculation that they’d hand the job to Chairman Jim Henson, combining the roles as is common in most other Fortune 500 companies. Kinsey brings over 15 years of experience at Disney, having risen quickly through the ranks as a protégé of both Miller and Wells.
Henson, meanwhile, will remain on as Chairman.
Wells leaves at a tumultuous time for Disney. While revenues for the parks and studios remain strong and the Imagine, Inc., subsidiary is booming on the strength of the Genie internet portal, teething troubles with the new NBC affiliate continue to drag stocks lower while costs rise on the new Anaheim Stadium, future home of the struggling LA Rams football franchise. Furthermore, a recent shooting at Disneyland that left several dead, including a young girl, continues to cause drama, linked to continuing verbal assaults by the religious right. Still, analysts remain sanguine that Kinsey and Henson will keep the ship running straight.
As to Wells, he will not be idle. He and attorney Steven Donziger have recently filed to create the Green Tomorrow Fund, a legal and lobbying firm intended to raise funds and awareness of environmental issues and, potentially, initiate legal action against “serial polluters”. Others believe that Wells will run for public office at some point, either in California or possibly Florida.
“Frank Wells is the epitome of a ‘Good Man’,” said Disney Chairman Jim Henson. “He’s been a great leader, both for Disney and for the country and even the world. And I’m sure he’ll excel in his continued efforts to keep our air and water clean and our temperatures manageable. There’s not a mountain that he can’t top!”
Inbound CEO Stan Kinsey likewise praised Wells. “Frank taught me just about everything that…” Cont’d on B3.
Parrot meets Mouse: Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville” Opens at…Disney?!
The Orlando Sentinel, August 5th, 1997
(Image source Margaritaville Orlando)
Kissimmee – Flanked by giant walkaround parrots and other characters from the Disney animated series Talespin, “Gulf & Western” music star Jimmy Buffett and Disney Chairman Jim Henson cut the ribbon on the new Margaritaville bar and restaurant at Disney’s Pleasure Island adult playground on Lake Buena Vista in Walt Disney World. The new restaurant takes over from the struggling Neon Armadillo country & western dance hall and will feature food, cocktails (in particular margaritas, obviously), live music, and some wacky “Disney Magic”, like the periodic eruption of an internal volcano (with Buffett’s “Volcano” playing, of course), singing animatronic parrots, Tiki masks, and other critters and related wackiness.
“It’s like an Enchanted Tiki Lounge, but with actual cocktails,” said one amused attendee.
This guy will be Animatronic in this case
Jimmy Buffett, who started playing concerts at Walt Disney World and other Disney locations in the early 1990s, has an existing business relationship with the Mouse. And Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville marks the first expansion by his restaurant brand since the original opened up in Key West, Florida, and is the first non-Disney tenant in the expanding Pleasure Island. Buffett also notes that they are in discussions, depending on the restaurant’s performance, to expand into some Disneytown locations, with Chicago and San Antonio on the short list.
“Margaritaville has always been a sovereign state of mind,” said Buffett, “And Jim [Henson] shares my sense of fun and whimsy, so it seemed like a natural match.”
Henson, meanwhile, let Kermit speak for him. “As an, um, Florida resident myself I can appreciate the theming. My only stipulation was that frog legs would never appear on the menu in any form. And all apologies to Piggy and the rest of the Muppets of the Porcine persuasion, but I was unable to talk Jimmy out of the, um, occasional luau. Sorry guys. Make yourselves scarce.”
RDJ: “Live Life, Don’t Run from It”
People, September 1st, 1997 Edition
“Life goes by fast,” said Oscar-nominated actor Robert Downey Jr., our own personal Superman. “It goes by faster and you lose more of it when you’re blacked out.”
Downey, 32, is still fairly young, but already he seems an older, more mature person. Just a few months ago he was going through a bout of court-mandated rehab following a conviction for DWI and substance abuse. “For most of my adult life I’d been tossed around by the maelstrom of Hollywood,” he said of the time. “Fast-passed work, fast-paced life, fast-paced leisure…it was constant motion blur. You’re working long hours on the set and then doing the necessary off-the-set schmoozing that’s basically required if you want to stay in the limelight. Sometimes the only way to get through it is with a little bump.”
(Image source Shutterstock)
Downey began life as an infant actor, placed in films by his father Robert Senior and mother, the actress Elise Ann. He quickly made a name for himself as an adult, appearing in several “teen” films of the 1980s, such as 1985’s Weird Science, before gaining notice as a substance-addicted prostitute in the David Lynch film Less than Zero. He went on to get an Oscar nomination playing Charlie Chaplin in Chaplin and then gained worldwide fame playing the role most would associate him with, Clark Kent, a.k.a. Superman, in 1992’s Man of Steel. His 1995 DWI bust nearly ended that lucrative gig.
“I will never forget the cheesy headlines,” he said. “‘Superman Flies with Coke’. So amazingly clever. Peabody-worthy journalism there. Anyway, while the embarrassment and John Peters telling me ‘clean up or pack up’ certainly helped tip me into taking the rehab seriously, it was the realization that I’d forgotten entire swaths of the 1980s and 1990s that really hammered home how I was wasting my life. Forget dying young, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, the real problem with booze and drugs is that they steal your now.”
When Downey emerged from rehab in 1996, he treated the whole thing as a rebirth. “You don’t really understand just how bad you feel all of the time on the drugs and booze until you’re off of them. Suddenly you feel things that you’d forgotten, like, well, good and normal. You don’t not get hangovers, you just learn to live with them. Waking up every day clear-headed and not feeling like [expletive deleted] and counting the hours until happy hour was a revelation all in its own.”
Downey has remained sober, even despite the challenges of his career and the temptations on the set. Fellow Justice League actor Tom Sizemore, who has just entered into rehab himself with Downey as his sponsor, was one of those challenges. “The second I entered Tom’s trailer he offered me a drink and a bump. It was seriously tempting. That’s why we don’t talk about a ‘cure’ for addiction, just an ongoing ‘recovery’. The monkey is always there, he’s just screaming quieter than before.”
But despite the temptation, Downey stayed clean and sober throughout the shoot, and even helped guide Sizemore onto the wagon. “Tom and I share a lot in common. We were pulled into the maelstrom young, and introduced to substances young. Neither of us had a Drew Barrymore looking out for us. Hell, we both did shots or lines with Drew at some point, I’m sure. It’s dumb luck that neither of us ended up following the Coreys,” he added, referring to child actors Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, who both died young in part due to drugs.
Downy’s experiences are entering into his work life. His latest dramatic movie, currently in filming with Warner, Sober, is informed by his own experiences, and is there to serve as both a beacon of hope and warning to those who travel in his wake. A lighthouse that both shows the way to the safe harbor and helps one steer clear of the deadly rocks.
“They call the partying ‘living life’, but it’s not, that’s a lie. You’re really avoiding life. You’re hiding from it; you’re not living it at all.
“To anyone out there who knows the beast first hand, my advice to you on why you should quit, is to face up to life. Live life, don’t run from it. Trying to hide from the pain only makes the pain stronger. That goes beyond the drugs. That goes to the way we let life pull us into directions that we don’t want to go, pursuing someone else’s plans for us, working in a dead-end job for a boss who doesn’t value us, or just bogged down in consumerism, materialism, and obsession. We’re as addicted to our cars and TV sets as we are to our chemicals. We assign an inordinate amount of personal meaning to a franchise to the point where we spend so much of our time in anger about a movie or TV show failing to meet our expectations that we can’t even enjoy the show itself anymore, just feed the addiction. It can even ruin us to other parts of the things that we love. It’s incredible.
“So, if there’s one lesson that I’d pass along from my personal experience it’s that you need to keep living life for as long as you get, fully awake and cogent. Don’t live your whole life for some drug, or some job, or some special event, because you’re bound to be disappointed.”
Star Wars Fans Stoked for “Episode I”
The LA Times, October 21st, 1997
Fans camp out for Episode I tickets (Image source The Jakarta Post)
“I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment!” said Ben Spiro of Encino. Dressed as the circuit-faced villain “Mauk Shivtor” from the long-awaited film, Spiro is one of several fans already lining up and camping out for tickets to the first showing of Star Wars Episode I: A Darkness Rising. Others were dressed as Obi-Wan, Boba Fett, Luke Skywalker, Storm Troopers, or Dark Vader, and more than one young woman was causing a stir dressed in Princess Leia’s golden bikini from the third [SIC] film.
For 20-something “Gen X” sci-fi fans who grew up with George Lucas’ seminal Star Wars films, which ran from 1977 to 1983, the debut of this new trilogy, a “prequel” series set a generation before the adventures of Luke, Han, and Leia, is a dream come true. Fan after fan expressed their starry-eyed excitement for the moment to come, some describing it as practically a religious experience. And indeed, more than one lists “The Force” as their religion.
The latest Star Wars film is expected to shatter opening day records, despite some mixed early reviews. When asked, the fans are sanguine about the prospects for the film. “There’s no way this can suck,” said Spiro. “You’ve got George Lucas behind it and Steven Spielberg directing. It’s not like they handed it to Disney or anything.”
Fan after fan expressed their excitement about the trailer, with its breathtaking effects from underwater cities to armies of droids storming castle walls to the aforementioned Mauk with his twin light sabers. Excitement to see Obi-Wan Kenobi “in his prime” and Anniken Skywalker/Darth Vader “before he turned evil” animated fans. Fan after fan cited in particular a trailer scene with several “Mandalorian” soldiers (the “Boba Fett” guys) rocketing out from a landing craft. “It’s a [expletive deleted] army of Mandos!!” said one.
And the entertainment industry is sanguine as well. “Star Wars is at this point possibly a billion-dollar franchise,” said The Hollywood Reporter’s Sue Susudio. “This film is likely to approach if not break the $1 billion threshold, assuming that expectations are met. At a minimum $500 million would be considered an underperformance.”
However the film performs at the box office, the larger question becomes “how will this trilogy be remembered?” Will it become another classic on par with the originals, or will it be seen as a sad rehash and cash-grab, as some have proclaimed the recent “expanded universe” of Star Wars with its books and TV series and comics tie-ins? Some are concerned that fans may be “oversaturated” with new Star Wars products. Already jokes abound on Saturday Night Live and other venues about Star Wars taking over the planet, as indicated by the omnipresence of Kenneth Branagh’s bearded face on products from toys to toothbrushes to breakfast cereal.
Much will depend on whether the film can meet or even approach the implausibly high expectations of the fans now eagerly camping out on the sidewalks of LA.
Star Wars Episode I Week starts Tuesday, folks!!!
The LA Times, August 1st, 1997
That may be Jim behind that Goofy head (Image Source William H. Adams)
Anaheim – Walt Disney Entertainment Company CEO Frank Wells today announced that he will step down at the end of the fiscal year to pursue “advocation for Green Energy policies”. “Walt Disney Entertainment has been good to me,” Wells told the Times. “Jim Henson and Ron Miller and Roy Disney have been very supportive to me over the years, and it’s a job that I loved, but I’m at the point in my life where I need to pursue my passions. That Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow will depend on the battle against Climate Change, and I plan to continue to do my part.”
Wells joined the company in 1984 following the dramatic attempted hostile takeover by Associated Communications Corporation (ACC, now part of Time Atlantic), becoming the President and COO. He later became Chairman and, following a brief stint as an Undersecretary of Commerce in the Gore administration, returned as CEO, taking over for Walt Disney son-in-law Ron Miller, with Jim Henson taking over as Chairman. Wells oversaw a meteoric rise in Disney’s size and valuation, expanding across the globe and acquiring such luminary company labels as MGM and NBC.
Current Disney COO Stan Kinsey was named as his replacement as CEO, which was long expected despite some speculation that they’d hand the job to Chairman Jim Henson, combining the roles as is common in most other Fortune 500 companies. Kinsey brings over 15 years of experience at Disney, having risen quickly through the ranks as a protégé of both Miller and Wells.
Henson, meanwhile, will remain on as Chairman.
Wells leaves at a tumultuous time for Disney. While revenues for the parks and studios remain strong and the Imagine, Inc., subsidiary is booming on the strength of the Genie internet portal, teething troubles with the new NBC affiliate continue to drag stocks lower while costs rise on the new Anaheim Stadium, future home of the struggling LA Rams football franchise. Furthermore, a recent shooting at Disneyland that left several dead, including a young girl, continues to cause drama, linked to continuing verbal assaults by the religious right. Still, analysts remain sanguine that Kinsey and Henson will keep the ship running straight.
As to Wells, he will not be idle. He and attorney Steven Donziger have recently filed to create the Green Tomorrow Fund, a legal and lobbying firm intended to raise funds and awareness of environmental issues and, potentially, initiate legal action against “serial polluters”. Others believe that Wells will run for public office at some point, either in California or possibly Florida.
“Frank Wells is the epitome of a ‘Good Man’,” said Disney Chairman Jim Henson. “He’s been a great leader, both for Disney and for the country and even the world. And I’m sure he’ll excel in his continued efforts to keep our air and water clean and our temperatures manageable. There’s not a mountain that he can’t top!”
Inbound CEO Stan Kinsey likewise praised Wells. “Frank taught me just about everything that…” Cont’d on B3.
Parrot meets Mouse: Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville” Opens at…Disney?!
The Orlando Sentinel, August 5th, 1997
(Image source Margaritaville Orlando)
Kissimmee – Flanked by giant walkaround parrots and other characters from the Disney animated series Talespin, “Gulf & Western” music star Jimmy Buffett and Disney Chairman Jim Henson cut the ribbon on the new Margaritaville bar and restaurant at Disney’s Pleasure Island adult playground on Lake Buena Vista in Walt Disney World. The new restaurant takes over from the struggling Neon Armadillo country & western dance hall and will feature food, cocktails (in particular margaritas, obviously), live music, and some wacky “Disney Magic”, like the periodic eruption of an internal volcano (with Buffett’s “Volcano” playing, of course), singing animatronic parrots, Tiki masks, and other critters and related wackiness.
“It’s like an Enchanted Tiki Lounge, but with actual cocktails,” said one amused attendee.
This guy will be Animatronic in this case
Jimmy Buffett, who started playing concerts at Walt Disney World and other Disney locations in the early 1990s, has an existing business relationship with the Mouse. And Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville marks the first expansion by his restaurant brand since the original opened up in Key West, Florida, and is the first non-Disney tenant in the expanding Pleasure Island. Buffett also notes that they are in discussions, depending on the restaurant’s performance, to expand into some Disneytown locations, with Chicago and San Antonio on the short list.
“Margaritaville has always been a sovereign state of mind,” said Buffett, “And Jim [Henson] shares my sense of fun and whimsy, so it seemed like a natural match.”
Henson, meanwhile, let Kermit speak for him. “As an, um, Florida resident myself I can appreciate the theming. My only stipulation was that frog legs would never appear on the menu in any form. And all apologies to Piggy and the rest of the Muppets of the Porcine persuasion, but I was unable to talk Jimmy out of the, um, occasional luau. Sorry guys. Make yourselves scarce.”
RDJ: “Live Life, Don’t Run from It”
People, September 1st, 1997 Edition
“Life goes by fast,” said Oscar-nominated actor Robert Downey Jr., our own personal Superman. “It goes by faster and you lose more of it when you’re blacked out.”
Downey, 32, is still fairly young, but already he seems an older, more mature person. Just a few months ago he was going through a bout of court-mandated rehab following a conviction for DWI and substance abuse. “For most of my adult life I’d been tossed around by the maelstrom of Hollywood,” he said of the time. “Fast-passed work, fast-paced life, fast-paced leisure…it was constant motion blur. You’re working long hours on the set and then doing the necessary off-the-set schmoozing that’s basically required if you want to stay in the limelight. Sometimes the only way to get through it is with a little bump.”
(Image source Shutterstock)
Downey began life as an infant actor, placed in films by his father Robert Senior and mother, the actress Elise Ann. He quickly made a name for himself as an adult, appearing in several “teen” films of the 1980s, such as 1985’s Weird Science, before gaining notice as a substance-addicted prostitute in the David Lynch film Less than Zero. He went on to get an Oscar nomination playing Charlie Chaplin in Chaplin and then gained worldwide fame playing the role most would associate him with, Clark Kent, a.k.a. Superman, in 1992’s Man of Steel. His 1995 DWI bust nearly ended that lucrative gig.
“I will never forget the cheesy headlines,” he said. “‘Superman Flies with Coke’. So amazingly clever. Peabody-worthy journalism there. Anyway, while the embarrassment and John Peters telling me ‘clean up or pack up’ certainly helped tip me into taking the rehab seriously, it was the realization that I’d forgotten entire swaths of the 1980s and 1990s that really hammered home how I was wasting my life. Forget dying young, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, the real problem with booze and drugs is that they steal your now.”
When Downey emerged from rehab in 1996, he treated the whole thing as a rebirth. “You don’t really understand just how bad you feel all of the time on the drugs and booze until you’re off of them. Suddenly you feel things that you’d forgotten, like, well, good and normal. You don’t not get hangovers, you just learn to live with them. Waking up every day clear-headed and not feeling like [expletive deleted] and counting the hours until happy hour was a revelation all in its own.”
Downey has remained sober, even despite the challenges of his career and the temptations on the set. Fellow Justice League actor Tom Sizemore, who has just entered into rehab himself with Downey as his sponsor, was one of those challenges. “The second I entered Tom’s trailer he offered me a drink and a bump. It was seriously tempting. That’s why we don’t talk about a ‘cure’ for addiction, just an ongoing ‘recovery’. The monkey is always there, he’s just screaming quieter than before.”
But despite the temptation, Downey stayed clean and sober throughout the shoot, and even helped guide Sizemore onto the wagon. “Tom and I share a lot in common. We were pulled into the maelstrom young, and introduced to substances young. Neither of us had a Drew Barrymore looking out for us. Hell, we both did shots or lines with Drew at some point, I’m sure. It’s dumb luck that neither of us ended up following the Coreys,” he added, referring to child actors Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, who both died young in part due to drugs.
Downy’s experiences are entering into his work life. His latest dramatic movie, currently in filming with Warner, Sober, is informed by his own experiences, and is there to serve as both a beacon of hope and warning to those who travel in his wake. A lighthouse that both shows the way to the safe harbor and helps one steer clear of the deadly rocks.
“They call the partying ‘living life’, but it’s not, that’s a lie. You’re really avoiding life. You’re hiding from it; you’re not living it at all.
“To anyone out there who knows the beast first hand, my advice to you on why you should quit, is to face up to life. Live life, don’t run from it. Trying to hide from the pain only makes the pain stronger. That goes beyond the drugs. That goes to the way we let life pull us into directions that we don’t want to go, pursuing someone else’s plans for us, working in a dead-end job for a boss who doesn’t value us, or just bogged down in consumerism, materialism, and obsession. We’re as addicted to our cars and TV sets as we are to our chemicals. We assign an inordinate amount of personal meaning to a franchise to the point where we spend so much of our time in anger about a movie or TV show failing to meet our expectations that we can’t even enjoy the show itself anymore, just feed the addiction. It can even ruin us to other parts of the things that we love. It’s incredible.
“So, if there’s one lesson that I’d pass along from my personal experience it’s that you need to keep living life for as long as you get, fully awake and cogent. Don’t live your whole life for some drug, or some job, or some special event, because you’re bound to be disappointed.”
Star Wars Fans Stoked for “Episode I”
The LA Times, October 21st, 1997
Fans camp out for Episode I tickets (Image source The Jakarta Post)
“I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment!” said Ben Spiro of Encino. Dressed as the circuit-faced villain “Mauk Shivtor” from the long-awaited film, Spiro is one of several fans already lining up and camping out for tickets to the first showing of Star Wars Episode I: A Darkness Rising. Others were dressed as Obi-Wan, Boba Fett, Luke Skywalker, Storm Troopers, or Dark Vader, and more than one young woman was causing a stir dressed in Princess Leia’s golden bikini from the third [SIC] film.
For 20-something “Gen X” sci-fi fans who grew up with George Lucas’ seminal Star Wars films, which ran from 1977 to 1983, the debut of this new trilogy, a “prequel” series set a generation before the adventures of Luke, Han, and Leia, is a dream come true. Fan after fan expressed their starry-eyed excitement for the moment to come, some describing it as practically a religious experience. And indeed, more than one lists “The Force” as their religion.
The latest Star Wars film is expected to shatter opening day records, despite some mixed early reviews. When asked, the fans are sanguine about the prospects for the film. “There’s no way this can suck,” said Spiro. “You’ve got George Lucas behind it and Steven Spielberg directing. It’s not like they handed it to Disney or anything.”
Fan after fan expressed their excitement about the trailer, with its breathtaking effects from underwater cities to armies of droids storming castle walls to the aforementioned Mauk with his twin light sabers. Excitement to see Obi-Wan Kenobi “in his prime” and Anniken Skywalker/Darth Vader “before he turned evil” animated fans. Fan after fan cited in particular a trailer scene with several “Mandalorian” soldiers (the “Boba Fett” guys) rocketing out from a landing craft. “It’s a [expletive deleted] army of Mandos!!” said one.
And the entertainment industry is sanguine as well. “Star Wars is at this point possibly a billion-dollar franchise,” said The Hollywood Reporter’s Sue Susudio. “This film is likely to approach if not break the $1 billion threshold, assuming that expectations are met. At a minimum $500 million would be considered an underperformance.”
However the film performs at the box office, the larger question becomes “how will this trilogy be remembered?” Will it become another classic on par with the originals, or will it be seen as a sad rehash and cash-grab, as some have proclaimed the recent “expanded universe” of Star Wars with its books and TV series and comics tie-ins? Some are concerned that fans may be “oversaturated” with new Star Wars products. Already jokes abound on Saturday Night Live and other venues about Star Wars taking over the planet, as indicated by the omnipresence of Kenneth Branagh’s bearded face on products from toys to toothbrushes to breakfast cereal.
Much will depend on whether the film can meet or even approach the implausibly high expectations of the fans now eagerly camping out on the sidewalks of LA.
Star Wars Episode I Week starts Tuesday, folks!!!
Yes! The hype starts now!
(Of course Star Wars could never not live up to that hype... could it?)
Also I really liked the interview with RDJ, it really mirrors his OTL perspective on drugs. I think you've done a good job catching his 'voice'
Ominous music begins in the background....
Ominous music plays more softly....
Joking aside, this version of Episode 1 is probably going to be better than OTL, most likely because something important actually happens and it's not just a 2.5 hour tech demo (and that's all the dunking on Star Wars I'll be doing today, thank you)
Excellent interview with Downey, nice to see him finding the seats on the wagon more comfortable than expected.
Thanks, all, on the supportive words. I've tried to capture the complexity of a lot of things here, and do it with nuance and not just lead people by the nose to a consclusion. People are complex and simple answers are inevitably flawed. Stay tuned for how things go.
And yes, folks, Star Wars Episode I is here, all this week. In the meantime, stay to the end on this one, it's a classic:
Yep, the great irony of American Sports fandom. I mean, other than literally the entire rest of the world, who really cares about soccer?
Bad timing, mate. Hopefully a week of Star Wars will make up for it.
Honestly didn't put much thought into Rwanda. I'll look things over and see what would happen.
And yes, folks, Star Wars Episode I is here, all this week. In the meantime, stay to the end on this one, it's a classic:
Still behind in updates.
Justice: The Bass Reeves Story,- now this sounds like a decent movie. Lou Gossett Jr., Hackman, Slater, Shakur, Reeves, and directed by Kevin Costner. Yeah I think ITTL me would have watched this.
The Justice League,- ITTL me might have watched it just for Michael Clarke Duncan as Darkseid.
"Elijah Wood joins the team as The Flash, Laurence Fishburne becomes the Martian Manhunter," - those would be fun to see with '97 effects.
"$303 million against a $74 million budget" - not bad, esp in such a crowded year of films.
Classic JLA line up is cool too.
Moonraker- interesting how this Bond series is going. ITTL me would have seen this.
"explores the intersection of US rocketry and Nazi scientists," - heh Paperclip comes to light and I bet shocked audiences.
"fans of the “Old New Bond” of the pre-1994 films waged a war of words with fans of the “New Old Bond”. - some things are the same in any Timeline!
The Fifth Element,- "Robin Williams’ scenery-devouring Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg." - now that is worth the watch on its own!
"rench comic artists Jean Claude Mézières and Mœbius, who give everything a nearly psychedelic hyper-color glow" - gotta wear shades to watch this movie!
"Gilliam gives this epic effects-driven film a strange and dissociative feel," - I bet he does!
"leading to a $233 million box office that will be considered a mild underperformance," - will prove strong on home release I bet. One for ITTL me's shelf for sure.
Southie,- probably not something ITTL me would have watched on the big screen, but caught later on disk.
Damon and Affleck would certainly change the dynamic between the leads compared to OTL; would be more of a buddy flick.
The Mouth of Madness,- Probably got dragged along since cos horror is not really my thing, even if its by Guillermo del Toro.
"incredible monster effects courtesy of ILM" - might have enjoyed watching that view then.
The Musical Monsters of Turkey Hollow,- probably not at the cinema, but on home media.
"the new Hoodoo monster Muppets are a delight in their own way, with just the right balance between scary and funny," - which is exactly what you want from the Muppets.
Hercules in Love.- Okay, not one I was expecting to see a sequel too. ITTL me would see it just cos its Arnie.
The backstory is quite fun on this one. It's the sort of thing I can see Arnie playing well too partly to 'remove' the stain of the earlier movie.
Hope it wins some gongs!
Marie Antionette.- not likely one ITTL me would have bothered with, though I bet Meryl Streep did it well.
"the film’s jaw dropping costume design by Sandy Powell" - I can see someone swanning on stage at the Oscars in one of those.
The Indian,- Probably gets a lot of chat in the UK, might have seen it in cinema, but more likely on disk.
"who moves from coastal California into the Mojave at the turn of the century" - does this still count as a Western? Wonder what the cut off point is?
"The Posse" - sounds like a strong cast there.
One would hope the plot has Karamjit Singh and his family get to stay and are accepted in their new town.
Wasp’s Nest,- Cage and O'Toole together? Yeah not dragging me to the cinema.
"The film will underperform against a $110 million budget (grossing just $79.2 million)," - not so much an underperform as a flop?
Predator III, - Probably not striht away, but good buzz probably seems ITTL me go later in the run. Decent cast too.
"the film bears a much more nuanced depiction of the Predators" - which is a good thing if we are on their home planet one would think.
"major props must be given to suit actors" - hope they remembered come Award time!
"Predator III will make $237 million on a $95 million budget." - yup that's coming back for sequels.
The Sixth Sense,- probably not a cinema movie for ITTL me.
"Shyamalan's career" - hopefully he stays decent ITTL.
"Jake Lloyd" - nice that his acting career and life will go better ITTL.
"Ball Python: Trey Parker and Matt Stone" - sounds like a film to watch with lots of beer on a Sat night on disk.
"Broadway Brawler: Bruce Willis" - Willis is busy this year!
"The Colonel: John Goodman" - I kinda like Goodman and KFC so I could see ITTL me watching this on disk.
"Of Love and War: A biopic of a young Earnest Hemmingway" - Slater and Bullock should work well together one thinks, but def not my thing.
Nothing else really standing out from this pack.
Nice round up there @Geekhis Khan and guest authors.
Justice: The Bass Reeves Story,- now this sounds like a decent movie. Lou Gossett Jr., Hackman, Slater, Shakur, Reeves, and directed by Kevin Costner. Yeah I think ITTL me would have watched this.
The Justice League,- ITTL me might have watched it just for Michael Clarke Duncan as Darkseid.
"Elijah Wood joins the team as The Flash, Laurence Fishburne becomes the Martian Manhunter," - those would be fun to see with '97 effects.
"$303 million against a $74 million budget" - not bad, esp in such a crowded year of films.
Classic JLA line up is cool too.
Moonraker- interesting how this Bond series is going. ITTL me would have seen this.
"explores the intersection of US rocketry and Nazi scientists," - heh Paperclip comes to light and I bet shocked audiences.
"fans of the “Old New Bond” of the pre-1994 films waged a war of words with fans of the “New Old Bond”. - some things are the same in any Timeline!
The Fifth Element,- "Robin Williams’ scenery-devouring Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg." - now that is worth the watch on its own!
"rench comic artists Jean Claude Mézières and Mœbius, who give everything a nearly psychedelic hyper-color glow" - gotta wear shades to watch this movie!
"Gilliam gives this epic effects-driven film a strange and dissociative feel," - I bet he does!
"leading to a $233 million box office that will be considered a mild underperformance," - will prove strong on home release I bet. One for ITTL me's shelf for sure.
Southie,- probably not something ITTL me would have watched on the big screen, but caught later on disk.
Damon and Affleck would certainly change the dynamic between the leads compared to OTL; would be more of a buddy flick.
The Mouth of Madness,- Probably got dragged along since cos horror is not really my thing, even if its by Guillermo del Toro.
"incredible monster effects courtesy of ILM" - might have enjoyed watching that view then.
The Musical Monsters of Turkey Hollow,- probably not at the cinema, but on home media.
"the new Hoodoo monster Muppets are a delight in their own way, with just the right balance between scary and funny," - which is exactly what you want from the Muppets.
Hercules in Love.- Okay, not one I was expecting to see a sequel too. ITTL me would see it just cos its Arnie.
The backstory is quite fun on this one. It's the sort of thing I can see Arnie playing well too partly to 'remove' the stain of the earlier movie.
Hope it wins some gongs!
Marie Antionette.- not likely one ITTL me would have bothered with, though I bet Meryl Streep did it well.
"the film’s jaw dropping costume design by Sandy Powell" - I can see someone swanning on stage at the Oscars in one of those.
The Indian,- Probably gets a lot of chat in the UK, might have seen it in cinema, but more likely on disk.
"who moves from coastal California into the Mojave at the turn of the century" - does this still count as a Western? Wonder what the cut off point is?
"The Posse" - sounds like a strong cast there.
One would hope the plot has Karamjit Singh and his family get to stay and are accepted in their new town.
Wasp’s Nest,- Cage and O'Toole together? Yeah not dragging me to the cinema.
"The film will underperform against a $110 million budget (grossing just $79.2 million)," - not so much an underperform as a flop?
Predator III, - Probably not striht away, but good buzz probably seems ITTL me go later in the run. Decent cast too.
"the film bears a much more nuanced depiction of the Predators" - which is a good thing if we are on their home planet one would think.
"major props must be given to suit actors" - hope they remembered come Award time!
"Predator III will make $237 million on a $95 million budget." - yup that's coming back for sequels.
The Sixth Sense,- probably not a cinema movie for ITTL me.
"Shyamalan's career" - hopefully he stays decent ITTL.
"Jake Lloyd" - nice that his acting career and life will go better ITTL.
"Ball Python: Trey Parker and Matt Stone" - sounds like a film to watch with lots of beer on a Sat night on disk.
"Broadway Brawler: Bruce Willis" - Willis is busy this year!
"The Colonel: John Goodman" - I kinda like Goodman and KFC so I could see ITTL me watching this on disk.
"Of Love and War: A biopic of a young Earnest Hemmingway" - Slater and Bullock should work well together one thinks, but def not my thing.
Nothing else really standing out from this pack.
Nice round up there @Geekhis Khan and guest authors.
Spoof vs Spoof: when Two James Bond Parodies Crossed Swords- well this should be fun.
"but fans of Bond were divided between those who preferred the “Old New Bond” of the pre-1994 films, as represented by Connery through Neill, and those who preferred Fiennes’ “New Old Bond”. - I think ITTL me would enjoy both since the tone between them is so different.
"Peter Sellers as James Bond and, well, it struck me like a lightning bolt and I just had to say, ‘Yea, groovy, baby!’” - that really does sounds like Myers!
"here was a Bond that was everything Edmund Blackadder wished that he was" - I can see that!
"And I realized what would make it even funnier would be for this man to be a heavily self-repressed homosexual.” - Rowan will do that really well. Such a good actor.
"Originally, Meyers planned to have the whole film set in the 1960s," - I can see that being a better movie honestly.
ForKing Queen and Country- ITTL me would have seen this one at the cinema given the cast- Detch, Winslett, Brady, McDowell.
Not so sure about Shagwell - that is probably a on disk flick.
Atkinson sounds like he put in quite a performance as Lord James Henry “Alby” Albion.
"each tense macho encounter with Ghasbhag and his inevitably burly male minions one homoerotic innuendo after another." - in classic British fashion.
"so charged with repressed sexuality and accidental innuendo that it’s practically softcore homosexual porn." - I bet this is the source of soooo many memes.
"FKQaC ended up making about $75 million and Shagwell a good $83 million," - I can see Shagwell being slightly more 'accessible' to the US audience?
"with many deriding the homosexual Alby as “James Bum”, a sobriquet that Atkinson made official in FKQaC III: Shaken and Stirred." - take it and run with it heh?
I can just see the Austin Powers vs James Albion rap battle now!
Very fun chapter @Geekhis Khan
"but fans of Bond were divided between those who preferred the “Old New Bond” of the pre-1994 films, as represented by Connery through Neill, and those who preferred Fiennes’ “New Old Bond”. - I think ITTL me would enjoy both since the tone between them is so different.
"Peter Sellers as James Bond and, well, it struck me like a lightning bolt and I just had to say, ‘Yea, groovy, baby!’” - that really does sounds like Myers!
"here was a Bond that was everything Edmund Blackadder wished that he was" - I can see that!
"And I realized what would make it even funnier would be for this man to be a heavily self-repressed homosexual.” - Rowan will do that really well. Such a good actor.
"Originally, Meyers planned to have the whole film set in the 1960s," - I can see that being a better movie honestly.
For
Not so sure about Shagwell - that is probably a on disk flick.
Atkinson sounds like he put in quite a performance as Lord James Henry “Alby” Albion.
"each tense macho encounter with Ghasbhag and his inevitably burly male minions one homoerotic innuendo after another." - in classic British fashion.
"so charged with repressed sexuality and accidental innuendo that it’s practically softcore homosexual porn." - I bet this is the source of soooo many memes.
"F
"with many deriding the homosexual Alby as “James Bum”, a sobriquet that Atkinson made official in F
I can just see the Austin Powers vs James Albion rap battle now!
Very fun chapter @Geekhis Khan
"The Second Man flips a switch and twists a handle on the device and a second later there’s a BOOM at the base of the “D”, causing it to fall down the hillside, leaving the remaining letters “HOLLYWOO”. - two rather.... inexperienced terrorists there. I can see this video ending up parodied on lots of comedy shows as long as no one was hurt.
"Jim Henson of Disney reportedly offered the money so they could restore the “Land” part too, so it’d say “Hollywoodland” like originally." - one hopes The Mayor takes him up on that offer!
"Paul: HollyWOOOOland!" - it is kinda catchy...
It is a sign that some folk are being influenced by some shady organisations.
Fun, if worrying chapter there @Geekhis Khan
"Jim Henson of Disney reportedly offered the money so they could restore the “Land” part too, so it’d say “Hollywoodland” like originally." - one hopes The Mayor takes him up on that offer!
"Paul: HollyWOOOOland!" - it is kinda catchy...
It is a sign that some folk are being influenced by some shady organisations.
Fun, if worrying chapter there @Geekhis Khan
"Instead, John Lasseter noted how since all the people they made looked like plastic, why not make a story about plastic people, i.e. toys?" - indeed its a good call.
"Ranft, seeing an opportunity to pull at Chairman Jim Henson’s nostalgia for his times in active production," - very cynical, or cunning depending on how you look at it.
"we moved the Christmas Toy characters into the background" - ah but they are still there meaning it ties in and also allows for Merch and box set video sales.
"with early treatments even having the astronaut toy believe that he was a real astronaut, though this angle was dropped" - that does change things, and probably the character somewhat?
"Themes of change, growth, relationships, jealousy, family, and acceptance emerged, with our two central toys becoming avatars for Jack’s conflicting emotions as his life gets thrown upside down," - I guess this is how movies appeal to adults as well as kids. The kids see the action, the wonder, the adults get the deeper themes.
"they eventually came up with The Secret Life of Toys"- I like that title, it does add more mystery than simply Toy Story.
"Eventually, a compromise was reached where the main toys would be original (and thus directly marketable as wholly Disney IP) and the supporting toys could be recognized brands." - which is a good call imho. Makes the Boy's room seem more real if there is stuff - toys- the audience recognises.
"Bumblebee and Starscream from the Transformers cameo" "a trio of My Little Pony characters" "at the request of George Lucas himself, Luke Skywalker" - nice set of cameos there. Surprised there are no superheroes.
"persuaded Lassiter to “let Patty make her character in her own way.” - guess Lassiter needs a bit more time with HR....
"Cowboy Cody, voiced by Tim Allen" "The astronaut, Buzz Lightspeed (voiced by the debonaire Antonio Banderas" - nice choices for leads there. I can see that working really well.
"The story, framed by the now-iconic Randy Newman soundtrack" - some things are meant to be!
"making over $380 million at the box office against a $32 million budget," - that a lot of cash. The Board should be happy with that!
"It won the Oscar for Best Animated Film among other awards and nominations and dominated the Annies that year." - I can see a BIG list of awards for this one.
"It also sold a ton of merch, selling numerous Cody and Buzz toys" - it was hard to miss OTL, I imagine it will be worse ITTL.
"in particular Transformers and My Little Pony, leading to new series on Toon Town" - hope Weird Al gets to do the Transformers theme tune!
"John Lassiter wouldn’t be there to appreciate all of this success, as his continued jealousy of Joe Ranft and his growing issues with his coworkers led him to leave Disney to become the creative head of Blue Sky Productions." - oh, he just moved on. I thought you where going to kill him off.
"From this point forward, CG would increasingly dominate and handmade animation increasingly become a niche done “for the art”. - I do hope Disney keeps around the skill to do it 'for the art' in House as well.
A Toy’s Story (2004)
"It’s an animated train wreck where the train was loaded with burning dumpsters…which then flew off and crashed into an orphanage." - now that's a heck of an opening line!
"Dire Straights’ “Money for Nothing” music video had better CG…in 1985!!" - that's....bad.
Oddly I think the reviewer kinda like it....
Fantastic look at a genre changing movie @Geekhis Khan plus one terrible one!
"Ranft, seeing an opportunity to pull at Chairman Jim Henson’s nostalgia for his times in active production," - very cynical, or cunning depending on how you look at it.
"we moved the Christmas Toy characters into the background" - ah but they are still there meaning it ties in and also allows for Merch and box set video sales.
"with early treatments even having the astronaut toy believe that he was a real astronaut, though this angle was dropped" - that does change things, and probably the character somewhat?
"Themes of change, growth, relationships, jealousy, family, and acceptance emerged, with our two central toys becoming avatars for Jack’s conflicting emotions as his life gets thrown upside down," - I guess this is how movies appeal to adults as well as kids. The kids see the action, the wonder, the adults get the deeper themes.
"they eventually came up with The Secret Life of Toys"- I like that title, it does add more mystery than simply Toy Story.
"Eventually, a compromise was reached where the main toys would be original (and thus directly marketable as wholly Disney IP) and the supporting toys could be recognized brands." - which is a good call imho. Makes the Boy's room seem more real if there is stuff - toys- the audience recognises.
"Bumblebee and Starscream from the Transformers cameo" "a trio of My Little Pony characters" "at the request of George Lucas himself, Luke Skywalker" - nice set of cameos there. Surprised there are no superheroes.
"persuaded Lassiter to “let Patty make her character in her own way.” - guess Lassiter needs a bit more time with HR....
"Cowboy Cody, voiced by Tim Allen" "The astronaut, Buzz Lightspeed (voiced by the debonaire Antonio Banderas" - nice choices for leads there. I can see that working really well.
"The story, framed by the now-iconic Randy Newman soundtrack" - some things are meant to be!
"making over $380 million at the box office against a $32 million budget," - that a lot of cash. The Board should be happy with that!
"It won the Oscar for Best Animated Film among other awards and nominations and dominated the Annies that year." - I can see a BIG list of awards for this one.
"It also sold a ton of merch, selling numerous Cody and Buzz toys" - it was hard to miss OTL, I imagine it will be worse ITTL.
"in particular Transformers and My Little Pony, leading to new series on Toon Town" - hope Weird Al gets to do the Transformers theme tune!
"John Lassiter wouldn’t be there to appreciate all of this success, as his continued jealousy of Joe Ranft and his growing issues with his coworkers led him to leave Disney to become the creative head of Blue Sky Productions." - oh, he just moved on. I thought you where going to kill him off.
"From this point forward, CG would increasingly dominate and handmade animation increasingly become a niche done “for the art”. - I do hope Disney keeps around the skill to do it 'for the art' in House as well.
A Toy’s Story (2004)
"It’s an animated train wreck where the train was loaded with burning dumpsters…which then flew off and crashed into an orphanage." - now that's a heck of an opening line!
"Dire Straights’ “Money for Nothing” music video had better CG…in 1985!!" - that's....bad.
Oddly I think the reviewer kinda like it....
Fantastic look at a genre changing movie @Geekhis Khan plus one terrible one!
A Dorkness Rising
A Dorkness Rising: The Tonight Show vs. Star Wars Fans
Int – Ed Sullivan Theater
DAVID LETTERMAN sits at his desk. PAUL is with the BAND.
[Cut to…]
(Image source Medium)
Ext – City Street outside of Movie Theater
Tons of people, mostly in their 20s, stand and hang out. Many are dressed as various Star Wars characters, either from the Original Trilogy or the new film. STEVE is there, dressed as a Star Fleet Officer from Star Trek. He has badly taped on a pair of Vulcan Ears. The skin tones do not match. The audience laughs.
STEVE approaches the CROWD. Many laugh, or jeer, or shake their head. He approaches a FAN dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi. The FAN gives an ironic Vulcan Salute.
The crowd starts to chant “Green blood! Green blood!”, laughing and cheering. A FAN dressed as Mauk Shivtor mimes beheading STEVE with a toy light saber.
[Cut to…]
Ext – City Street outside of Movie Theater
STEVE is back, this time dressed as a Storm Trooper. He hits the side of his helmet and looks to the side.
[Cut to…]
Ext – City Street outside of Movie Theater
STEVE is back again, this time dressed as Princess Leia in her Gold Bikini from Return of the Jedi. He has not shaved his ridiculously hairy chest, which wraps around the bra like a fur coat. The audience reacts with shrieks and laughter.
STEVE walks back up to the crowd, who laugh or shriek and cover and avert their eyes. There are a few wolf whistles. He walks up to a FAN dressed as Han Solo, who flees in terror.
Another FAN dressed as Lando Calrissian walks up.
The audience cheers as TRIUMPH the Insult Comic Dog appears.
(Image source Gothamist)
[Cut to…]
Int – Ed Sullivan Theater
DAVID LETTERMAN sits at his desk. The audience is still cheering.
PAUL and the band play the Tonight Show theme as the camera zooms back.
[Cut to Commercial]
Int – Ed Sullivan Theater
DAVID LETTERMAN sits at his desk. PAUL is with the BAND.
Dave
Well, Paul, forget terrorism and famine and crime, the big news, as always, is that Star Wars Episode I: A Dorkness Rising is coming to a theater near you. In fact, it debuts tonight after nearly a year of constant hype and promotion. And fans, film buffs, and nerds and dorks of all kinds are all lining up to see it.
Paul
I’d line up myself, Dave, but I have a life. (audience laughs)
Dave
Well, to cover this Big Day we have sent Tonight Show correspondent Steve Carell to see what is happening. Steve? On to you.
Well, Paul, forget terrorism and famine and crime, the big news, as always, is that Star Wars Episode I: A Dorkness Rising is coming to a theater near you. In fact, it debuts tonight after nearly a year of constant hype and promotion. And fans, film buffs, and nerds and dorks of all kinds are all lining up to see it.
Paul
I’d line up myself, Dave, but I have a life. (audience laughs)
Dave
Well, to cover this Big Day we have sent Tonight Show correspondent Steve Carell to see what is happening. Steve? On to you.
[Cut to…]
(Image source Medium)
Ext – City Street outside of Movie Theater
Tons of people, mostly in their 20s, stand and hang out. Many are dressed as various Star Wars characters, either from the Original Trilogy or the new film. STEVE is there, dressed as a Star Fleet Officer from Star Trek. He has badly taped on a pair of Vulcan Ears. The skin tones do not match. The audience laughs.
Steve
Thank you, Dave. I am here at a local theater where fans of the Star Wars franchise are waiting to see the highly anticipated latest film, which debuts tonight. As you can see, I have dressed up for the occasion to better fit in.
Thank you, Dave. I am here at a local theater where fans of the Star Wars franchise are waiting to see the highly anticipated latest film, which debuts tonight. As you can see, I have dressed up for the occasion to better fit in.
STEVE approaches the CROWD. Many laugh, or jeer, or shake their head. He approaches a FAN dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi. The FAN gives an ironic Vulcan Salute.
Steve
You, sir, what do you look forward to with this coming film?
Fan
Well, I’ve waited my whole life for this film, so I’m fairly excited for it…
Background Fan
Go back to Star Fleet, Green Blood!
You, sir, what do you look forward to with this coming film?
Fan
Well, I’ve waited my whole life for this film, so I’m fairly excited for it…
Background Fan
Go back to Star Fleet, Green Blood!
The crowd starts to chant “Green blood! Green blood!”, laughing and cheering. A FAN dressed as Mauk Shivtor mimes beheading STEVE with a toy light saber.
Steve
Dave, it seems that I have raised the ire of the crowd. I may have inadvertently chosen the costume of a hated villain. I will come back in a more appropriate costume. Back in a minute, Dave.
Dave, it seems that I have raised the ire of the crowd. I may have inadvertently chosen the costume of a hated villain. I will come back in a more appropriate costume. Back in a minute, Dave.
[Cut to…]
Ext – City Street outside of Movie Theater
STEVE is back, this time dressed as a Storm Trooper. He hits the side of his helmet and looks to the side.
Steve
(voice muffled) I can’t see a thing in this helmet!
(voice muffled) I can’t see a thing in this helmet!
[Cut to…]
Ext – City Street outside of Movie Theater
STEVE is back again, this time dressed as Princess Leia in her Gold Bikini from Return of the Jedi. He has not shaved his ridiculously hairy chest, which wraps around the bra like a fur coat. The audience reacts with shrieks and laughter.
Steve
OK, Dave, my staff tells me that my first costume was from the Star TREK franchise, but they assure me that this is definitely a character from Star WARS and a very popular costume at that. So, I should do better fitting in this time.
OK, Dave, my staff tells me that my first costume was from the Star TREK franchise, but they assure me that this is definitely a character from Star WARS and a very popular costume at that. So, I should do better fitting in this time.
STEVE walks back up to the crowd, who laugh or shriek and cover and avert their eyes. There are a few wolf whistles. He walks up to a FAN dressed as Han Solo, who flees in terror.
Steve
Sir? Sir, can I have a few words?
Fan dressed as Storm Trooper
Don’t run from your woman, Rebel Scum!
Sir? Sir, can I have a few words?
Fan dressed as Storm Trooper
Don’t run from your woman, Rebel Scum!
Another FAN dressed as Lando Calrissian walks up.
Fan Dressed as Lando
(leers) Why, hello, Princess…
Steve
(holds ear) and I am getting word from my producer that I need to retreat to the van very quickly. They say that they have dispatched another correspondent to take over for me.
(leers) Why, hello, Princess…
Steve
(holds ear) and I am getting word from my producer that I need to retreat to the van very quickly. They say that they have dispatched another correspondent to take over for me.
The audience cheers as TRIUMPH the Insult Comic Dog appears.
(Image source Gothamist)
Triumph
Move along, Steve. Let a professional show you how it’s done. (turns to camera) After These Messages…for me to poop on!
Move along, Steve. Let a professional show you how it’s done. (turns to camera) After These Messages…for me to poop on!
[Cut to…]
Int – Ed Sullivan Theater
DAVID LETTERMAN sits at his desk. The audience is still cheering.
Dave
Ladies and gentlemen, Tonight Show correspondent Steve Carell. Coming up next, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog! See you when we return.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tonight Show correspondent Steve Carell. Coming up next, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog! See you when we return.
PAUL and the band play the Tonight Show theme as the camera zooms back.
[Cut to Commercial]
I could see Somalia and the Congo becoming more prominent due to the reasons stated above. The First Chechen War was also butterflied, so Africa might receive more media attention from the West ITTL.
One interesting scenario in the future is if America engages in a little bit of neo-colonialism to secure lithium and cobalt as it starts transitioning to renewable energy much earlier than OTL.
I'm waiting with belated breath for what happens in A Darkness Rising. There is certainly hype around it but audience reaction is a different thing entirely. I'm thinking that it will have a better reception but it probably won't capture the same spark that the OT has. Regardless, the true value of the new film trilogy (IMO) is opening up a whole host of new material like novels, comics, games, etc. with the creative blocks from Lucasfilm being lifted. A better Prequel era with an expanded multimedia project would be something to behold.
The Moment that All Star Wars Geeks have been Waiting For!!!
Talkin’ Episode I (1997)
From Talkin’ Geek with Nerdicus and Dorkimax Vidcast, May 4th, 2007, Upload
Theme song plays; Title Card: “Talkin’ Geek”.
Interior – Basement Sound Stage
Two young men in geeky pop culture clothes sit in front of microphones at a desk in front of a shelf full of geeky toys, books, and other merch.
Nerdicus
God, what a fucking spazz. So, anyway, let’s talk more about how the Prequels suck ass. Sillyass, what can you say about this? Did that bitch Lisa Henson totally fuck up Lucas’s ingenious vision like anyone who’s not a fucking moron can see? (beat) Sillyass? (beat) Sillyass? (beat) I think we lost him. So, um, I guess… (long pause) I guess that we talk about today’s sponsor? So, um, when I need to write something objectively good that I know my fans will like, I check out the videos on Trolling U. Trolling U. has a near endless list of videos that…what the fuck are you doing, Timmy?
DORKIMAX appears behind him, pulling wires out of the A/V equipment.
[video abruptly ends]
[1] This would be the last episode of Talkin' Geek to air. Ironically, the dramatic on-air breakup would cause the video to go viral, generating tens of millions of hits, earning Timothy "Dorkimax" Malory and Norman "Nerdicus" Greenbaum the fame that they desired. Alas, both would blow through whatever money that they made trying to sue one another for exclusive rights to the Talkin' Geek name. The entire event would be immortalized in the song "Geek Talk Meltdown" by the Nerdcore band Heavy Meta.
From Talkin’ Geek with Nerdicus and Dorkimax Vidcast, May 4th, 2007, Upload
Theme song plays; Title Card: “Talkin’ Geek”.
Interior – Basement Sound Stage
Two young men in geeky pop culture clothes sit in front of microphones at a desk in front of a shelf full of geeky toys, books, and other merch.
Nerdicus
Hello once again, geeks, nerds, dorks, spazzes, and losers we love…
Dorkimax
We love you bastards!!
Nerdicus
Yes, and welcome back to Talkin’ Geek!!
Dorkimax
You dorks know that you love us!
Nerdicus
I’m Nerdicus, your champion against the Mundane Empire…
Dorkimax
And I am your Lord and Master Dorkimax, Ruler of the Great Spazztastic Net Empire where all is Nerd!
Nerdicus
And we’re as ever glad to have you here! Please comment below…
Dorkimax
“Like” and “Track”, bizzlenitches!!!
Nerdicus
And today we’re talking the STAR WARS FUCKIN” PREQUELS, BABY!!!
[Hits button, causing the opening bars of “The Imperial March” to play]Hello once again, geeks, nerds, dorks, spazzes, and losers we love…
Dorkimax
We love you bastards!!
Nerdicus
Yes, and welcome back to Talkin’ Geek!!
Dorkimax
You dorks know that you love us!
Nerdicus
I’m Nerdicus, your champion against the Mundane Empire…
Dorkimax
And I am your Lord and Master Dorkimax, Ruler of the Great Spazztastic Net Empire where all is Nerd!
Nerdicus
And we’re as ever glad to have you here! Please comment below…
Dorkimax
“Like” and “Track”, bizzlenitches!!!
Nerdicus
And today we’re talking the STAR WARS FUCKIN” PREQUELS, BABY!!!
Dorkimax
SO…EFFING…STOKED…
Nerdicus
And better yet, we have a special guest on the line today, none other than Sillyass Carson, the man behind so many of your favorite Star Wars characters from Kiai Mudi to D’aaka Nuutgrich to (awkward pause), um, (voice cracks) Ba Ba Yubi.
Dorkimax
HOORAY FOR SILLYASS!
Silas Carson (Call in)
Um…it’s Silas and thank you for having me today.
Nerdicus
It’s great to have you. And if there’s one thing that I think we can all agree on, it’s that the Prequels SUUUUUUCCKKED!!
Dorkimax
SUCKED!!
Nerdicus
SUUUUUUUUUUHUHUHUHUHUCCKKED!
Silas Carson (Call in)
Um…we really worked very hard on…
Nerdicus
(interrupting) And I mean seriously, there are no redeeming qualities here. Where do I begin? Moog and Ba Ba, obviously…
Dorkimax
Suck!!
Nerdicus
…the Roona in general…
Dorkimax
Suck!!
Nerdicus
…the Mandos…
Dorkimax
Su…um, wait, I actually thought the Mandos kicked ass.
Nerdicus
…that stupid Senate scen…wait, did you just say you liked the Mandos?
Dorkimax
Um, well, yea, I mean, it’s an army of Mand…
Nerdicus
The Mandos were nothing but fucking toy fodder, a pathetic attempt to milk our nostalgia for profit!! How the fuck can you like the Mandos, you tool?
Dorkimax
It’s an army of fucking Mandalorians, what’s not to like, fuckwit?
Nerdicus
It’s a goddam pandering move! How can you not see…?
Dorkimax
IT’S A MANDALORIAN ARMY!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?
Nerdicus
I bet you even like Mauk…
Dorkimax
MAUK ROCKED!! Double-bladed light saber, you fuckstick!!
Nerdicus
Are you THREE?!?
Silas Carson (call in)
Um…should I call back at another time?
Nerdicus
Stay out of this Sillyass.
Dorkimax
Yea, stay out of this Sillyass!!
Silas Carson (call in)
I’m going to kill my agent…
Nerdicus
Look, Timmy, I know you’re a little emotional, but…
Dorkimax
TIMMY IS MY SLAVE-NAME!!
Nerdicus
God, Timmy, you’re such a spazz! You cried at the end of Episode III!
Dorkimax
Well fuck you too, Norman!! Yea, I said it. The Prequels weren’t that bad! Yea, beyotch, I said that too! Mauk Shivtor kicked ass! The Mandos kicked ass! And yes, I fucking cried at the end of Episode III! It was fucking sad you fucking psychopath!!!
Silas Carson (call in)
Ok, I’m going to leave now… (hangs up)
Dorkimax
I’m sick of your shit! You always talk down to me! You’re always insulting me and you just use and manipulate me!!! You’re…you’re a fucking Sith!!
Nerdicus
I am not!!! I am a Jedi Master!!!
Dorkimax
You’re a loony! And I’m DONE!!! DONE!!! It’s my fucking A/V equipment and I’m taking it with me!!!
Nerdicus
DON’T…YOU…FUCKING…DARE! I’m the one who put this netcast together! I’m the one who does the writing!
Dorkimax
You call that shit writing??
Nerdicus
I’m the one who edits this shit…you owe everything to me!!!
Dorkimax
You only befriended me for my A/V!!!
Nerdicus
Ah, no Shit, Cetu.
Dorkimax
Fuck you, then!! I’m leaving!! And I’m taking my Shi… (sound drops off as Dorkimax pulls the headset from his head and drops it; his lips still move, his words inaudible)
DORKIMAX gets up and storms off to screen right.SO…EFFING…STOKED…
Nerdicus
And better yet, we have a special guest on the line today, none other than Sillyass Carson, the man behind so many of your favorite Star Wars characters from Kiai Mudi to D’aaka Nuutgrich to (awkward pause), um, (voice cracks) Ba Ba Yubi.
Dorkimax
HOORAY FOR SILLYASS!
Silas Carson (Call in)
Um…it’s Silas and thank you for having me today.
Nerdicus
It’s great to have you. And if there’s one thing that I think we can all agree on, it’s that the Prequels SUUUUUUCCKKED!!
Dorkimax
SUCKED!!
Nerdicus
SUUUUUUUUUUHUHUHUHUHUCCKKED!
Silas Carson (Call in)
Um…we really worked very hard on…
Nerdicus
(interrupting) And I mean seriously, there are no redeeming qualities here. Where do I begin? Moog and Ba Ba, obviously…
Dorkimax
Suck!!
Nerdicus
…the Roona in general…
Dorkimax
Suck!!
Nerdicus
…the Mandos…
Dorkimax
Su…um, wait, I actually thought the Mandos kicked ass.
Nerdicus
…that stupid Senate scen…wait, did you just say you liked the Mandos?
Dorkimax
Um, well, yea, I mean, it’s an army of Mand…
Nerdicus
The Mandos were nothing but fucking toy fodder, a pathetic attempt to milk our nostalgia for profit!! How the fuck can you like the Mandos, you tool?
Dorkimax
It’s an army of fucking Mandalorians, what’s not to like, fuckwit?
Nerdicus
It’s a goddam pandering move! How can you not see…?
Dorkimax
IT’S A MANDALORIAN ARMY!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?
Nerdicus
I bet you even like Mauk…
Dorkimax
MAUK ROCKED!! Double-bladed light saber, you fuckstick!!
Nerdicus
Are you THREE?!?
Silas Carson (call in)
Um…should I call back at another time?
Nerdicus
Stay out of this Sillyass.
Dorkimax
Yea, stay out of this Sillyass!!
Silas Carson (call in)
I’m going to kill my agent…
Nerdicus
Look, Timmy, I know you’re a little emotional, but…
Dorkimax
TIMMY IS MY SLAVE-NAME!!
Nerdicus
God, Timmy, you’re such a spazz! You cried at the end of Episode III!
Dorkimax
Well fuck you too, Norman!! Yea, I said it. The Prequels weren’t that bad! Yea, beyotch, I said that too! Mauk Shivtor kicked ass! The Mandos kicked ass! And yes, I fucking cried at the end of Episode III! It was fucking sad you fucking psychopath!!!
Silas Carson (call in)
Ok, I’m going to leave now… (hangs up)
Dorkimax
I’m sick of your shit! You always talk down to me! You’re always insulting me and you just use and manipulate me!!! You’re…you’re a fucking Sith!!
Nerdicus
I am not!!! I am a Jedi Master!!!
Dorkimax
You’re a loony! And I’m DONE!!! DONE!!! It’s my fucking A/V equipment and I’m taking it with me!!!
Nerdicus
DON’T…YOU…FUCKING…DARE! I’m the one who put this netcast together! I’m the one who does the writing!
Dorkimax
You call that shit writing??
Nerdicus
I’m the one who edits this shit…you owe everything to me!!!
Dorkimax
You only befriended me for my A/V!!!
Nerdicus
Ah, no Shit, Cetu.
Dorkimax
Fuck you, then!! I’m leaving!! And I’m taking my Shi… (sound drops off as Dorkimax pulls the headset from his head and drops it; his lips still move, his words inaudible)
Nerdicus
God, what a fucking spazz. So, anyway, let’s talk more about how the Prequels suck ass. Sillyass, what can you say about this? Did that bitch Lisa Henson totally fuck up Lucas’s ingenious vision like anyone who’s not a fucking moron can see? (beat) Sillyass? (beat) Sillyass? (beat) I think we lost him. So, um, I guess… (long pause) I guess that we talk about today’s sponsor? So, um, when I need to write something objectively good that I know my fans will like, I check out the videos on Trolling U. Trolling U. has a near endless list of videos that…what the fuck are you doing, Timmy?
DORKIMAX appears behind him, pulling wires out of the A/V equipment.
Dorkimax
(barely audible) I’m taking back my shit, you fucking asshole! I’m…
DORKIMAX pulls a plug and all of the audio ends after a loud, earsplitting squeal of feedback. NERDICUS silently and animatedly argues with him. DORKIMAX pulls out more plus until the video goes blank. [1](barely audible) I’m taking back my shit, you fucking asshole! I’m…
[video abruptly ends]
[1] This would be the last episode of Talkin' Geek to air. Ironically, the dramatic on-air breakup would cause the video to go viral, generating tens of millions of hits, earning Timothy "Dorkimax" Malory and Norman "Nerdicus" Greenbaum the fame that they desired. Alas, both would blow through whatever money that they made trying to sue one another for exclusive rights to the Talkin' Geek name. The entire event would be immortalized in the song "Geek Talk Meltdown" by the Nerdcore band Heavy Meta.
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