Top-Whatever Bloody Useless Facts about Hawaiian Vamps (1995)
From CulturePolice.co.uk Netsite, April 26th, 2014
Every film has a story, and some stories are more story than others. And in the case of Steve Chiodo’s low-budget horror-comedy
Hawaiian Vamps, there’s plenty of story to story about. So here’s the Top-Whatever Bloody Useless Facts about 1995’s
Hawaiian Vamps (
I’ll add the numbers in later):
#X: The Title is a Lousy Pun
(Image source “littleukulele.weebly.com”)
Hawaiian Vamps are three-chord progressions common in traditional Hawaiian Ukulele music. They follow a basic pattern of 2nd 7-chord, 5th 7-chord, Key chord (or something like that. I struggle to play the damned kazoo!). “Vamp” can mean a chord progression or be a contraction of “vampire”. Feel free to insert rimshot here. Oh dear, that sounded like an innuendo, didn’t it? But you like that kind of stuff, don’t you, you little bitch?
And I'm being informed I have a meeting this afternoon with HR.
Bollocks.
#X: It all started because of a Disney Cartoon
(Image by
Austen Mengler)
Yes, believe it or not, this R-rated, literally bloody dark comedy about murderous undead ghouls feasting on tourists came about because of a G-rated Disney animated feature. In the early 1990s the Skeleton Crew were brought in to help produce the animated
An Alien in the Family, the story of a cute little Hawaiian girl who adopts an alien bank robber. Hawaii and Tiki Kitsch Culture were long favorites of Tim Burton and the Chiodos, who’d produced the
Tales from the Crypt episode “
Luau” and were pursuing a
Beetlejuice sequel,
Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian. Reintroduced to the concept of the Hawaiian ukulele vamps, The Brothers Chiodo were immediately inspired with the idea for the High Concept creature feature. “I mean, it was obvious when you thought about it,” said Charlie Chiodo. Just because it’s obvious doesn’t mean it’s good, Chuck. Yet, we love it anyway…
#X: It had a Nano-Budget
(Image source FRPnet)
The Brothers Chiodo are famous for two things: really creepy creature effects and working with a shoestring budget. Camp Creature Classics like
Killer Klowns from Outer Space were par for the course.
Hawaiian Vamps was exceedingly high-budget for them in that it cost $12.5 million. This was an era when $50+ million films were becoming the norm. However, with a few simple rubber-forehead effects and then-unknown actors, the Brothers Three were able to pinch out a 95-minute film using location shots, usually after dark, and simple sets. “I think that Joss [Whedon] spent more per minute on average on
Final Girl episodes than we spent on the feature film,” said Ed Chiodo.
#X: It was the first major wide release to feature Polynesian leads
At the time unknown actors Taylor Wily and Jemaine Clement star as Aolani and Keola, the titular Vamps, whose semi-competent hunting of tourists and other arseholes is the source for much of the action and humor of the film. One is Native Hawaiian and the other Maori on his mother’s side. It was a watershed moment in representation, believe it or not. “Having a lead role as a Poly just didn’t happen in 1995,” said Wily. “And it’s not like it was a blockbuster gig, but hell, the script was fun and I had a blast working with Jemaine and Steve. Steve really listened to us about how to act properly Hawaiian, not just fall into some Mainland White Dude’s idea on how Hawaiians are supposed to act. We got to slip in some pretty deep cut Hawaiian references for the locals, too.” Presumably he’s talking about things like the time a desperately hungry Keola tried to drink the fluids from a lump of SPAM, but what do I know? I think Torquey is exotic. Other famous (or soon-to-be famous) Pacific Islanders from David Strathairn to Jason Momoa to Joe Naufahu made cameos too.
#X: Arsehole Tourists made up the bulk of the victims
“We wanted the audience to cheer for the Vamps,” said Steve Chiodo. So they made each and every victim of the relatably dumb and clumsy Vamps into some sort of absolute twat. From rude tourists to racist cops to selfish bankers to that one totally insufferable bastard played by Tim Curry in his cameo, it was hard not to cheer as our titular vamps savagely ripped out their throats and drank their life’s blood, leaving them as pale, depleted corpses.
#X: Steve Chiodo and head writer Marti Noxon are the titular Vamps’ first victims
In the opening scene, we are introduced to two truly dislikeable tourists, simply credited as “Tourist Husband” and “Tourist Wife”. They are rude, obnoxious, constantly arguing, dismissive of the hotel staff, and openly racist to the local Hawaiians and Asians, living up to every worst stereotype that you might have for tourists. Even their tips are pathetic. So it is with real pleasure that we see them stalked, attacked, their throats ripped violently open, and drained dead in the opening minutes, introducing us to our leads Aolani and Keola. Extra bonus points for when Keola starts to get visibly woozy. “Shit, I think that haole bitch had way too many Mai Tais, bra.” The two actors playing these despicable tourists were none other than director Steve Chiodo and writer Marti Noxon. “I’m normally against director cameos,” said Chiodo, “But the cast and crew loved it when Ed suggested that Marty and I should play the asshole tourists.” And speaking of haoles:
#X: The truly random Werewolf appearance was based on an ethnic slur for non-Hawaiians
(Image source YouTube)
In a scene that’s generally listed among the most infamous Big Lipped Alligator Moments in cinema history, the titular Vamps are prowling the streets of Honolulu on the night of the full moon when, out of nowhere, they hear a howl and then a werewolf appears on the top of a building, backlit by the moon in the requisite fashion, only for Aolani to say, “Damn howlies.” The two walk on, never to discuss the encounter again. The scene exists purely to make the ethnic joke that “haole”, the Hawaiian slur for non-ethnic-Hawaiians (in particular white people from the mainland), sounds like “howlie”, presumably a vampire slur for werewolves in this universe. It also plays with the “vampire vs. werewolf” tropes emerging in the 1990s. Most people the world over missed the joke (which needless to say lost any and all meaning in translations), but Hawaiians of all backgrounds were reportedly rolling in the aisles.
And now a
Bloody Useless Bonus Fact: the werewolf worn animatronic used was actually developed for (and loaned by) the Mel Brooks film
An American Werewolf in America, which screened later that year.
#X: Jemaine Clement wrote the titular song
Famous now as one half of
The Amazing Conchords, Jemaine Clement whipped up the catchy little ukulele song “Hawaiian Vamps” during production as entertainment for cast and crew during a lull in shooting, and it so entertained everyone that Steve Chiodo made it the official song. The tune, which modulates into several keys and has been called “the Hawaiian ‘
Giant Steps’”, has since gone on to become a go-to piece for aspiring Uke players as it practically forces one to learn five sets of common vamps and their associated chords as you play. And with lines such as “You can see them runnin’ from the sun/SPF 900,000 on…” the sheer silliness is as contagious as the catchy tune.
#X: Ironic parallels are made between sunburned tourists and the sun-fearing Vamps
And speaking of SPF, naturally, the idea of some lily-white mainlander overdoing it on the sun and underdoing the sunblock was played against the idea of the titular Vamps getting horribly burned by the light of the sun. They played it subtly in some cases (“Take off that hūpō sun hat, bra, you look like a fuckin’ tourist!”), or flat-out called it out on others (“Talk about a bad sunburn, bra”).
#X: They performed modestly at the box office, but still made a good profit
When your budget is tosh, simply showing up can be profitable. And with a good $46 million in ticket sales to a “cult” audience, there was no way to lose. “Steve, Charlie, and Ed are the masters of making silk purses from sow’s ears,” said the film’s executive producer Tim Burton. “They can crank out things on budgets that would embarrass Troma and make them into successful wide-release features. It’s a niche, but one that they have mastered.”
#X: Hawaiian Vamps has gone on to be a cult hit, and an inspiration
It was practically granted that
Hawaiian Vamps would be a cult classic. It has all the right mix of deliberate camp and cheese, the silly premise, the merciless punnery, and the almost shocking level of violence and gore alongside it necessary to guarantee Cult status. The games of “spot the talent from before they were famous” has given it a major rewatch bonus over the years as well. But the film was highly influential with horror producers, who endlessly quote its lines and cinematography as an Easter egg, and it is extremely popular in the Polynesian world, with producer-writer-director Taika Waititi specifically calling it out as one of his principal muses. “It was the first big Poly film,” he said, “even if white guys were producing it. And it’s really damned fun on top of it.” One can certainly see the influence in his films. Waititi is even rumored to be working on a higher-budget sequel.
#X: At its heart, it’s a story of Brotherly Love
And yet for all of the comedy and gore,
Hawaiian Vamps is the story of two brothers-of-different-mothers (but a shared “father” in the old vampire who first turned them, played by David Strathairn) trying to relate to one another. With a whole new (after)life to share together, the two squabbling siblings must ultimately learn to overcome their own long, shared fraternal stresses and be there for one another…as they brutally murder stupid haole tourists and drink their life’s blood. “Hawaiian Vamps is a love story,” said Steve Chiodo. “A story of the love shared by two literal-blood-brothers. All of the rest was just window dressing.”
So there you are, you gits, however many bloody useless facts that was (I forget and I don’t care) about the nano-budget cult classic horror-comedy
Hawaiian Vamps.
Until next time, you’re welcome.
Like and track, you tossers.
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