A FRESH FACE: THE RISE OF MUSSOLINI

  • A FRESH FACE:

    THE RISE OF MUSSOLINI
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    The dramatic and fateful year of 1920 had arrived. All over the world, chaos and tumult ruled as human civilization still struggled to come to terms with the outcome of the Great World War. The 20th century had brought as much change as the American and French Revolutions had over a century prior. As in those bloody conflicts, nations rose and fell, in triumph and carnage. Millions had died and millions were still displaced, diseased, and starving. The Russian Civil War was still raging, as was the vitriolic and nightmarish three-way conflict for the soul of Germania. Italy, now unified under King Carlo II after Northern Italy's Massimiliano died without a surviving heir, had tenaciously fought and pushed Grand Serbia out of Dalmatia during the war, but at great expense in men and material. The people were impoverished and devastated by the Plague and there were rumors of Illuminist cells within the country plotting revolution and murder of the royal family. In all this fog of uncertainty, most men would tremble, simply trying to feed their families and survive. Mario Salvatore Mussolini was not such a man, as the entire world would soon find out.

    Mario was born July 29, 1883, in the small town of Predappio, to Alessandro Mussolini, a blacksmith, and his devout Catholic wife Rosa Maltoni. His father was a political radical and was well-versed in the writings of Nietzsche, Knigge, and Beutel, and was an extremely progressive man, seeing the monarchy as a blight upon civilization and a glaring middle-finger of sorts to the hard work and sacrifices of the Enlightenment. He told young Mario that, "Only when the Bonapartists and royalists are driven out of Italia, and only when the peninsula flies one banner, can true social justice come to our homeland." Meanwhile, his mother was absolutely and vehemently opposed to this. When Mario was ten years old, in 1893, his parents finally filed for a divorce when Rosa alleged that Alessandro was cheating on her with another woman. Mario, up to this time, loved accompanying his father to the pub and learning from the leftist patrons there, but now he viewed his father as a worthless piece of scum. Mario loved his mother more than anything else in the world, and his father's sins convinced him that leftist ideologies were pure folly and of the devil. His formerly weak, childish faith in the Church strengthened into rock-hard conviction after he moved to Rome with his mother in the summer of 1894. There he would become a gopher boy for the religious leaders at the Vatican and would eventually become chief bell ringer of Rome.

    By the time, Pope Sixtus VI, formerly known as Lucien Bonaparte, was already well advanced in years, his hair an iron gray and his eyes losing clarity. By the time of the turn of the century, the Holy Father would become practically sightless, earning him the nickname of "Blind Boney," or the "Blind Pope." He essentially retired at this point, content to serve out his term by just preserving the status quo. In 1899, at just 16, Mario was assigned to the personal detail of His Holiness Sixtus VI and would become one of the Blind Pope's only persistent companions. He earned the Pope's trust and was constantly promoted to better and better jobs within the Holy See. After a while, Mario was offered a chance to study at the University of Rome, where he would major in Catholic Philosophy with a minor in mysticism and esoteric philosophy, becoming very interested in the ancient religious sect known as the Cathars, which had been eradicated by Pope Innocent III's 1209 Albigensian Crusade. These studies would only wet Mario's appetite for esoteric knowledge and he began to obsess over studies of sacred objects such as the Spear of Destiny and the Holy Grail, constantly reading book after book on the subjects. He would receive his Master of Divinity in 1906, at the very young age of 23, reflecting his high intelligence and desire to constantly better himself. All this time, he would send much of his meager earnings to his mother Rosa. Rosa would frequently boast of her son, the "Pope's Apprentice," and she would always insist that one day, her boy Mario would be Pope himself, much to the amusement of the other women at the market.

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    Mural depicting the excommunication and eradication of the Cathars

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    The Butchering of the Cathars by the Inquisition (1244)

    In 1907, at the age of 24, Mario Mussolini was asked to become a Deacon at the Church of Predappio, which he gladly accepted. As he boarded his train to go back to his old hometown, he told his proud mother, "I shall be back, mama. I shall march back to Roma and make you proud. You just wait and see." Six uneventful months rolled by in Predappio, spiced up only by the rising tide of war, which was widely expected to come at any time even by this point. He also delved deeper into the studies of the mysticism and esoteric knowledge. He befriended a local friar, Brother Lucius, who was also quite interested in the darker side of spirituality, and together they spent many nights pouring over ancient manuscripts while sipping absinthe from little wooden cups in the centuries-old basement of the Prepappio Cathedral, a humble building far less grand than anything in Rome. More and more, however, Deacon Mussolini desired to quest for the Holy Grail, the mythical cup supposedly used to catch Jesus' blood at the crucifixion. After months of begging the Church in Rome to sponsor such an excursion, his cries for help finally reached the ears of Sixtus, who agreed to fund Mario for a year-long expedition. Sixtus' message to Mario told him that the Pope didn't believe such a quest would be fruitful, but that it would be a proper boon to a young man who had been so loyal and steadfast to the Pope.

    This was the beginning of Mario becoming the head of the Church's newly-founded relic department, operating under his direct command. However, this was not some all-powerful entity with limitless funds from Rome, but rather an ad-hoc team of oddballs and historians, numbering about fifteen, with a tightbelted operational fund. Nevertheless, Mario was determined to make it work. In 1909, now a bishop-in-training, Mussolini left Italy for Europan France, to seek out the ancient ruins of the Cathar sect. On July 18, Mussolini and his team arrived in the region of Occitania, the southernmost region of France which divides it from Spain along the mountains and valleys of the Basque Country. This, at long last, was the realm of the ancient Cathars, the apostate sect which had been so brutally slaughtered by knights loyal to the Church so many centuries before. They arrived at the Chateau de Montsegur on July 31. The fortress had been built in the 17th century on top of the ruins of the medieval Cathar stronghold, and it had seen action both during the French Revolution, where it had been the site of a Jacobin militia, and served as a barracks during the French war against Spain in the tail-end of Napoleon the Great's military career. Now, however, the slate-gray stone keep stood abandoned on the bald cliff, a raggedy old French Imperial banner still hung over the open gateway, almost bleaches pure-white by the sun and the silk strands rotting and falling away. Mussolini and his team moved in quickly, setting up a basecamp before dawn.

    For the next several weeks, Mario and his team inspected every aspect of the fort, constantly alert for any possible clues as the Grail's whereabouts. The chief aid for the young Bishop was Alistair Bernard, a notable French-born archaeologist and also a keen mind for the occult and the unusual. Bernard was a swarthy man of some sixty years who had traveled the world, visiting countless Europan colonies and many different nations in search of treasures and ruins. In 1906, he had discovered the ancient city of Troy, formerly thought to be a myth of the Iliad, but the devastating Greek War of Succession had driven him and his crew out of Greece. He had learned of the grail expedition and was determined that such a discovering of equal if not far greater mythical importance would not slip out of his fingers. He had approached Mussolini upon his arrival in Occitania, and the two men got along well enough despite the massive age difference. Bernard viewed the young Bishop Mussolini as a mere child dabbling in things which he could not possibly comprehend and far outside his realm of expertise, but he never let slip the facade of fatherly advice and sage advice. The truth was, however, that Bernard planned on locating the Grail first and then hiding it away, to find at a much later time, stashed somewhere in the countryside. Bernard would go down as the greatest archaeologist of all time and a religious hero, and Mussolini would return to Rome not in triumph, but as a fool.

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    Alistair Bernard (middle back) and some of his associates at the Troy excavation site

    This was quite the underestimation of the young Catholic, as Bernard would soon find out. On the morning of the fifteenth day of October, 1909, the crew tunneling in the ancient rock and dirt of Montsegur had found something. The camp bell sounded the alarm and some thirty men, half of them Bernard's, dashed to see what the two young laborers had found in the tunnels. A secret chamber had been opened up by the crew and it was evidently an entrance to a massive underground network of tunnels. Eyeing it cautiously, Bernard, in his typical khaki attire and pith helmet, and Mussolini, in his simple black tunic and knee-high boots, both decided to venture in, electric torches in hand. The first thing that greeted them was the skeletal remains of several knights, stuffed inside rusty, ancient suits of armor bearing the red crosses of Crusaders. They were still left in their original poses from the moment of death, seemingly struggling to move the stone door which the crew had now finally opened. The poor bastards had been sealed within, likely without any means of light, and tried to escape to their last breath. The cold, musty air stank of ancient mold and fungi, much of which lined the wet, squicky walls of the tunnel. On the wall of the tunnel was a Cathar cross, and in ancient proto-French below that was inscribed, "In the waters of redemption the Believer may be made perfect and leave the realm of the Evil God and rejoin the Good. That is not sin which is truth, and truth be not sin. For as the blood of Christ didst flow into the Holy Chalice, so to shall the waters of Baptism flow and purify the Perfect Man, Blood of Adam." It is to be noted, however, that these ruins were closed forever by the Europan government after their discovery and those words in the cave, and the very idea that the Grail was the cup which would be found therein, was merely the result of eyewitness testimony and Church propaganda.

    After a half-hour exploration of the underground labyrinth, Mussolini and Bernard finally reached the end of the caves. Finally, at long last, was a painting of a golden chalice upon the wall, its ancient paint mostly obscured by mold and fungus. Stalactites and stalagmites jutted up and down, like the gaping mouth of some ancient creature, and beyond them lay inky blackness and abyss. The floor stopped and gave way to a deep chasm, some twenty feet deep, the bottom of which was filled with murky, foul water of unknown depth and of an awful, fetid stench which was quite nauseous to all involved. Rotten, fossilized beams showed the site had once had a staircase and had been a baptismal pool for the ancient Cathars. Both researchers immediately knew the Grail might lie beneath the water, thrown there by the ancient heretics to keep it out of the hands of the Church. Perhaps they had used the Grail for the unusual ceremonies. Mussolini turned to Bernard and exclaimed, barely masking the trembling excitement in his voice, "Monsieur Bernard, the Grail, I presume?"

    Immediately, the heads of the project ordered their men to begin construction of an elevator to reach the bottom of the baptismal pool. On October 31, 1909, a brave soul, Henri Bertrand, a member of Bernard's team, agreed to be the first to be lowered down into the water. Suiting up in a brass diving suit out of fear of the unknown, the young man was lowered down, the hoseline securing his oxygen supply carefully slackened as the wooden platform clickety-clacked its way down the pit. When he reached the waterline, he made the sign of the cross. The brass man sank like an iron statue, platform and all, and the hose was quickly slackened more to make sure the brave man had enough air. The waters were likely toxic from being so long in isolation, and the crew wanted to take no chances. At last, after about twenty minutes, a cheer came up from the crew, all gathered in the lantern light, as the diver tugged at the hose thrice, signalling he was ready for retrieval. Though everyone had hoped for a miracle and amazing discovery, the whole crew was shocked as the diver ascended with an iron box in his hands. The small, simple metal chest was rusting out badly, but was still mostly in one piece. As the men gathered around in excitement, Mussolini gently opened the decrepit bit of metalwork, the lock long having rotted off. Inside, resting on its side, was a golden chalice. Every man present dropped to his knees in awe, all believing it to be the Christ Cup. Prayers were offered up and several men began weeping uncontrollably.

    Mussolini held up the Grail and exclaimed, "Two thousand years of Christian history have led us to this point. Incalculable eons have passed, innumerable searchers have come and gone, little more than dust in the wind. But here, on this day, we have found the holiest relic of all time. Rejoice! For the Cup of Christ shall journey to Roma in triumphal splendor! Amen!"

    A revolver hammer clicked back. The sound of the weapon echoed through the cave and the adjoining tunnels. Everyone suddenly turned to see Bernard and several of his hired hands pointing pistols at Mussolini. Bernard, wide-eyed, finally broke the silence, his voice shaking. "I cannot believe it, Mussolini. I underestimated you. I had all but given up on this adventure, thinking it the folly of some boy-priest with a superiority complex. I was wrong. Now, I hate to say it, but I think I have to kill you now. I'm sure the Holy Father in Rome will understand accidents and cave-ins happen in such old fortresses. Give me the Grail!"

    Mussolini looked at him, fires of indignation burning in his eyes, and he drew his own Moreau 1905 magazine-fed pistol and leveled it at Bernard. "Vaffanculo! You filthy back-stabbing thief. Figlio di puttana!" he spat, while holding the Grail in one hand and the blue-gray, pearl-handled pistol in the other. Almost immediately and without warning, the two crews began to tear into each other, pulling out pocket-pistols, bootknives, switchblades, and shovels. Shots went off, men screamed. To Mario's lefthand side, one of his assistants drove a dagger into the chest of one of Bernard's men, sending the man flying backward into the baptismal pool. As the young Bishop took cover behind a large rock, he saw another crewman, the camp cook, brutally snap one of his own men's necks with his bare hands. Mussolini stood up just long enough to put a bullet between the cook's eyes, whose blood misted out behind him onto the ancient painting of the Grail. A friar of Mussolini's team was brutally slaughtered with an axe shortly after, all while the several other men in various corner of the dank cave screamed out. A full-on orgy of violence had erupted. Murder for a Holy Relic. The Italian squeezed off several more shots as Bernard and his men withdrew from the area, trying to regroup. After another ten minutes of mayhem, Bernard flailed to the ground, screaming in agony as one of Mussolini's bullets landed directly in his kidney. Within a minute, the last four remaining crewmen of the elderly archaeologist surrendered to the Catholics and laid down their weapons. Mussolini grabbed the screaming, dying Bernard by his olive-drab tie, suddenly dragging him back toward the baptismal pool. "In the waters of redemption the believer may be made perfect!" he said with a sneering haughtiness as the old man continued to scream in horror and struggled to breath with the tie slowly suffocating him. As Mussolini grew nearer to the pool with his victim in hand, he began shouting, "In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti!" Grinning, he threw Bernard the twenty-some feet into the baptismal pool, and the man hit the disgusting water with a massive splash. A few bubbles rose to the surface, as Mussolini could see with his electric torch, and then nothing. Bernard was dead.

    The priest turned and faced his remaining crew as he stuffed the grail into his satchel and said, "That! That is what happens when you cross Mario Salvatore Mussolini!"

    ***

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    Mussolini arriving in Rome with the Holy Grail

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    Crowds gather for the Grail March

    When news first came that the supposed Grail had been discovered, it set the Church into an absolute frenzy, as could be easily imagined. Mussolini and his men returned to Italy as heroes. The young international celebrity led what he called the "Grail March on Rome," transporting the chalice via armored truck. Thousands of citizens came to watch the procession, and many joined the march. When the Grail finally reached Rome, a crowd of some one million people had gathered, rejoicing that the Cup of Christ would finally rest in the Holiest of Holies. The aging, stooped, and blinded Sixtus stood atop the balcony of the Basilica and waved to the adoring populace he could only vaguely make out. He held the ancient chalice aloft with pride and triumph as the people roared, "Lunga vita al Papa! Viva padre Mussolini!" The balding young man of only twenty-some years of age stood behind him, head tilted up, a confident grin on his face, his arms crossed, before he too raised his hands and received the adoration of the masses.

    The boost to morale in the world war that was to come was palpable. During the war years, the Grail would be frequently presented at Sunday Mass in the Vatican and was shown on newsreels all over the Empire. Combined with the new unification of Italy into one country, and it is easy to see why the "Army of the Grail" fought so hard in the Dalmatian campaign against the Serbs. In 1911, Mussolini was proclaimed a cardinal, the youngest of the entire college. In 1912, Cardinal Mussolini was named by Sixtus as chief Consigliere to His Holiness, which unnerved many of the long-entrenched establishment. As Sixtus' health waxed and waned further and further and senility took its toll, Cardinal Mussolini created a monopoly over who could see the Blind Pope and it was said he was the true "duce" in the Vatican.

    As the years dragged on, Mussolini's personal control of every aspect of the Pope's life became more and more repellent to the other Cardinals, and even worse was his personal control over the Swiss Guard. In 1915, Cardinal Wilhelm Mueller, his chief rival in the Holy See and a man likely to be the next pope, was arrested in the early morning hours of April 15, on charges of pedophilia and sodomy. The Swiss Guard stormed his personal quarters in the name of Pope Sixtus and beat Meuller mercilessly before carting him off to the Vatican jail to face later trial. 1915 became known as the Dreadful Year, with Mussolini unmasking priests, cardinals, and church officials at every corner for pedophilia, homosexuality, and Illuminist or Beutelist political views. Many of these men were indeed degenerates, sometimes serial child rapists, and the clean-up and swift punishment of the offenders made "Il Duce" look like a folk hero. He soon expanded the purge to the entire church, sending agents far and wide to "seek out sinners," leading some critics, especially the propagandists in the RU, to calling it the "New Inquisition." Rather than elaborate torture dungeons or public floggings, however, Cardinal Mussolini favored midnight raids and brutal, quick beatings. Before long, he controlled the entire Vatican and constantly flanked himself with his loyal Swiss Guard. An assassination attempt in 1917, via a bomb thrown at his car, failed and he became more paranoid than ever.

    In 1920, where our story first began, Pope Sixtus was on his death bed. On May 7, 1920, Lucien Bonaparte breathed his last. On May 15, the inevitable occurred. Mario Salvatore Mussolini stood in his resplendent new white robes, trimmed in gold. A miter hat, also of the finest white satin and gold trim, sat on his bald head. A cigarette, a knockoff the American Firebreathers, dangled from his slightly-grinning mouth. A few moments later he threw the cigarette on the floor and stomped it out with his shoe. After that, he took a deep breath, put on a smile, and stepped out onto the balcony of the Basilica, and once again enjoyed the adoration of the masses. He went back and forth from crossing his arms to waving in a most characteristic manner. Swiss Guards stood on each side of him, their faces emotionless and still.

    "Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa!" came the sound of the writhing throngs of onlookers and pilgrims, in a veritable frenzy.

    Pope Peter II had arrived....
     
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    POST-WAR AMERICA: HERE COMES THE BOOM

  • POST-WAR AMERICA: HERE COMES THE BOOM

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    Photograph of a packed pleasure park in Michigania


    North America was in an interesting position as the burgeoning Republican Union cemented control over the continent. In former California (now Pacifica), Nevada (now Magnum), Canada (now broken into the states of Newfoundland, Hudson, Custeria and the frozen northern Territory of Boreal) and Quebec (now Keybeck), the Cleansing Month had purged hundreds of thousands of undesirables in a horrific and astoundingly short period of time. Despite many claiming that they would never surrender, especially those who now found themselves designated "Inferior," the people of those new American states were quick to line up for the vaccine program. After all, if they wanted to continue the fight, they had to be in good health! The Office of Health and Wellness put a special effort into cleansing Quebec, which they still insisted was the birthplace of the Beckie Flu, denying all evidence to the contrary.

    Despite the vast, untold fortunes spent on the vaccine program, the war, the SIN Number program, and the occupation, redistricting, and subjugation of a huge new portion of the country, the truth was that the Republican Union was in an economic boom. The war had changed the face of the country forever, in more ways and and on a far deeper level than simply broadening its borders. The war had seen the American people, for the first time since the Great American War, fully mobilize and fight together, and it was the first time since the disastrous 1799 campaign against France that Americans had fought an empire together. Now they, by any other name, were the "empire." The Republican Union was a juggernaut and one of the only countries to consider the Great World War a victory. On an interesting sidenote, the Great World War kept its name in North America. Europe now largely thought of it as "the Second World War," a sequel to the Great Wars for the Empire which now were referred to as "the First World War." But North America, including the Confederation of the Carolinas, still referred to the First World War as the "Napoleonic Wars." Also of interest was, while the term Great World War was used in Carolina, there were also many instances of Carolinians referring to it as the "Great Patriotic War." This essentially masked the war and made it more palatable than admitting it was a total war of expansion and subservience to the Union, which it of course was indeed.

    The crash of much of the European stock market in 1914 amidst a wave of revolution and discontent had little effect on the Republican Union and its Cokie ally. In fact, things had never been better. At the Philadelphia Stock Exchange, some three blocks north of Independence Hall, men in suits dashed about at all hours of the day, frantically taking advantage of the new opportunities for business in the newly acquired states. The Economic Clans took it upon themselves to outfit much of the new territory with modern conveniences, took over the old enemy factories, recruited laborers, and policed the neighborhoods of the metropolises of Keybeck City and the newly renamed "Port Joe" (Yerba Buena) and other cities. Greypool Protection Services was one of the private armies that quickly found themselves hired on by an endless variety of American companies setting up infrastructure. It was also the dawn of dozens of new businesses, many set up by the returning veterans now eager to start families and a new life in the New Jerusalem.

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    Buying and selling on the Philadelphia Exchange (circa 1920s)

    One of the most important companies to rise up at this time was the Phoenix Oil Company. Created in 1915 by wealthy Anglo-Keybeckian Wilbur Law after he merged formerly Catholic-owned oil companies into his Law Oil. He chose the name "Phoenix," representing the rebirth of Keybeck's economy under its new "God-given" domination. He was welcomed into the Industrial and Trade Clan but received pushback at every step from Pentagon Oil, owned by the wealthy Texan Rudolf Kuhn, of Custer City, Texas. Kuhn wanted to move into the new territories and expand his control of the American oil market to near-total monopoly. This did not sit well with the other members of the clans, as they were growing tired of paying Kuhn's exorbitant rates for his bountiful oil supply (he hadn't dropped his prices since the war ended, quite simply because he didn't have to). The other companies in all the other clans worked together to undermine Kuhn and Pentagon, as the Distillery Clan needed his oil to deliver their trucks of beer, the Agricultural Clan needed it to power their tractors and new-fangled harvester machines, and so on. Kohler Coal and Oil of Redemption and Eds-Oil of Ohio both were the final say which left the gate open for Phoenix Oil to control the Canadian oil supply. Gas prices shot down seemingly overnight as Pentagon now had some big competition, and the public demand for autocarriages, or "cars," exploded. Kuhn never forgave the other companies for siding against his interests and he would die a disheartened and miserly soul in 1920, leaving the company to his son, Josiah Kuhn.

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    Vacationers park their automobiles at a Florida beach. With the end of the Beckie Flu, Americans were excited to finally see the extent of their empire, and sight-seeing vacations were all the rage in the 1920s.

    Another huge impact on the "baby boom" that would lead America into the 1920s was the easy acquisition of nutritious food. With the acquisition of the bountiful breadbasket of Pacifica, food also dropped in price, with the Agricultural Clan heaping praise upon the "amazing and astute leadership" of President Steele. Whereas before most Americans had to either grow their own food or buy it from nearby farms, "supermarkets" sprang up across the nation, offering a wide variety of nutritious and healthy foods. Ebeneezer Eustace Pink, former Ohio governor and prominent leader of the 1000 company-strong Agricultural Clan, had passed his Union Food and Safety Act in 1912, ordering all Clan members to print expiration dates on canned goods and refrigerated products. This was a world-first, and it dropped food-borne illness statistics dramatically. Baby food, sold in cans, became an instant hit and had no small effect on infant mortality. Also, a process for dairy products invented in Europa called "pasteurization" was implemented in the Union under the name "Pinkization," in honor of the "Modern Prometheus of Food Safety," Ebeneezer Pink. For his efforts at bettering the, well, Betters of Society, the American Fundamentalist Christian Church awarded him the title of Servant of Christ. His son, Ephraim Walter Pink, served in the Great World War under Patton and he would go on to serve in the Steele administration in the 1930s.

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    Ser. Ebeneezer E. Pink

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    Ephraim W. Pink

    So many other aspects of the economy were touched by the victory against the Bonapartes that it would be impossible to discuss them all in one chapter. But the main winners were the members of the Banking Clan. Samuel Prescott Bush, CEO of the Bank of the Union and unofficial head of the entire Banking Clan, happily took over much of Quebec's banking as part of a deal that let the Bank of Metropolis take over banking for southern Pacifica. Meanwhile, Leon Hardy, a wealthy real estate heir from Oregon, opened up a sprawling chain of banks under the banner of the rather dull name "Hardy Bank of Pacifica and Oregon." Its board would later vote to remove Hardy from his position following a series of fraud investigations, installing Maxwell McCormick as CEO in 1918 and shortly thereafter renaming themselves "Bank of the West." Hardy went back to his real estate business but in 1922 he was arrested during a dramatic RUMP raid on his Barnumsburg mansion for tax evasion, a very serious crime in the Union. He would die in prison in 1927, age 63.

    As the good times began to roll, the banks celebrated, giving away electric toasters or clothes irons with new accounts and advertising a "golden age of economic prosperity." Despite the majority of Americans now living in urban areas for the first time ever, the farms were not on the downswing, by any means. As said before, Pacifica was a breadbasket, able to feed a huge portion of the nation on its own, but most of the pre-War farms were owned by Inferiors or enemies of the state. As such, the period between late 1915 to about 1922 marked the "Pacifica Land Rush." President Steele announced that all pre-War farms, plantations, and lumber mills were now property of the government and were to be auctioned or sold off cheaply to help pay for other wartime expenses. Middle-class Betters all over the Union scrambled at this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Magnum was included in this deal as well, formerly a part of the Kingdom of California. While much of Magnum was a war-torn wasteland populated by a few whites and mostly a bunch of Indian tribes, this sold as well. The natives, what few survived the war and the Cleanse, were expelled to reservations. The whites in the area were mostly Union-leaning or outright American anyway, having long encroached on the Kingdom's eastern border. However, this also led to disputes between the influx of American land-grabbers and the already-entrenched American-blooded pioneers in the area. This led to some of the last fighting on the North American frontier as the anger and feuds erupted into open violence.

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    RUMP officers and State Marshal Eugene Bell fight a three-way battle between land-grabbers and remainers

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    RUMP officers groom their horses in Magnum, 1916

    1916 would see the fabled "Shootout at the Goodyear Corral," when Goodyear Enterprises' Meat and Dairy subsidiary called in RUMP to deal with a dispute between the land-grabbers and the current residents. The leader of the government forces was State Marshal Eugene Bell, an experienced lawman who was shipped in from Texas after the war. Bell and his men tried to defuse the situation, but someone fired a handgun and it ended with thirty men dead or wounded, including Bell himself who received a bullet to the right shoulder. This was enough for the government to crack down harshly on the area, with thousands of RUMP troops moving into the greater Antelope Valley region to quell the unrest. Steele himself said in an interview on Uncle Sam's Talkiebox Station that, "America will not accept lawlessness and brigandry within its borders. I will not accept it. To fight against the Military Police, especially to fire a weapon at them, is an assault on a representative of the Union government and is nothing short of high treason." Within two months, over two hundred men and women would be hanged for treason, most of them eastern-born land-grabbers. The "Magnum War" was unceremoniously ended. Many of the land-grabbers gave up on Magnum and pushed on to Pacifica, earning Magnumites the nickname of "The Remainers" and their state the moniker of the "Fight for Rights State." In 1918, Eugene Bell would win the election for governor, becoming the first Governor of the State of Magnum. The Magnum War also saw the final end of the free-roam cattle industry and the death of the cattle-rustlers of the plains. While several attempts would be made to revive the West's dying legacy of criminal adventure, most notably with the infamous Coyote Springs Cabal that went out in a blaze of glory during an attempted robbery of a Bank of the West in 1923, the legacy of near-anarchic freedom had died.

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    Members of the Coyote Springs Cabal pose for a photo in 1920

    But even through all this success for the Union, there were still severe problems. Radical resistance elements remained in the former Bonapartist satellites. Even worse, what few inferiors that survived the Cleansing Month were now sure that the government had poisoned their loved-ones. Despite a tight silence on any and all discussion of the Cleanse as anything but "an act of God" upon the "disgustingly poor fluids and genes of the bestial, Void-bound Infees," many could see what had really happened. An attempt was made by survivors to form an Illuminist People's Liberation Army, but government plants in the ghettos helped orchestrate a roundup and execution of the plotters. Despite car-bombings and assassination still being a problem, the Inferiors were beaten into submission once more, their now nascent numbers irrelevant in the broader scheme of American Society.

    The real problems were actually not at home, but abroad. The Britannic Union still struggled on against the Kingdom of Ireland, and Steele announced early-on into his Presidency that the war with Europa would never officially end unless Ireland was defeated. Half-American General Director Winston Churchill, the dictator of the Britons, tried time and time again to break the stalemate, but the war continued. In 1916, demonstrations erupted against the fascist government in London and quickly were sweeping the Isles. Whereas before the Union had been sending military supplies and advisors to help the Britons, now Steele worried his edge on Europe might vanish if an Illuminist or monarchist revolt swept the Isles. In late 1916, thousands of volunteer fighters calling themselves the "Anglo-American Solidarity Legion" arrived in London to help prop up the government. An uneasy peace broke out in Northern Ireland, as the guns stopped for the first time in years. Both Ireland and the Britannic Union needed a breather, and a general ceasefire was brokered. While this did not end the war officially, it was close enough. At long last, the world was at peace. But the Illuminist revolutions were just beginning to sweep eastern Europe. Interestingly enough, when the Illuminists came precariously close to taking over Germania, it would not be the Yankees that would respond to the call to arms against Otto Werner, but it would be some down-home boys from the Confederation of the Carolinas....
     
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    CHAPTER 70

  • CHAPTER 70
    THE BERLIN EMBASSY MASSACRE AND FOREIGN INVOLVEMENT IN THE GERMANIAN CIVIL WAR

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    Members of the Wade Hampton Volunteer Brigade strike a pose somewhere in Germania, 1918

    And when he gets to Heaven
    To Saint Pete he will tell
    "One more Cokie reporting, sir,
    I've served my time in hell."

    The reaction of the greater fascist world to the collapse of Germania into civil war was one of pure, absolute horror and undeniable fear. While the fascist Yankees and Cokies were no longer a part of the Central Powers and they viewed the Germanians as defeatists who failed to completely destroy the Bonapartist menace, they mostly still saw them as like-minded Protestant authoritarians. Former Reichminister Wolfgang Kapp was viewed as a Teutonic superman, resisting the rule of the tyrannical usurping Kaiserin Regent, her oily brother-in-law Grand Duke Leopold Lothar, and the Illuminist hordes.

    To understand the foreign involvement, or lack thereof originally, during the Germanian Civil War, we must look back to the date of December 21, 1914, and to the city of Berlin. For several months, Kaiserin Erika had bravely fought off three different rival factions to maintain sovereignty over the empire's beautiful capital city. No matter what the cost, Erika retained enough support that she was still holding onto power. But as the winter of 1914 set in, so too did the bitter emotions of discontent, starvation, and hopelessness. Sweden could not help much, as it was still quite busy policing Denmark, and the Americans were still wrapped up in dealing with their new lands and, of course, hating the Kaiserin and sympathizing with the radically conservative Kapp, so foreign aid seemed very unlikely to come. But at last, due to the events that would unfold on that fateful December day and the firestorm that would follow, foreign troops would finally start picking sides, and this involvement would lead to the creation of the most powerful international alliance in history.

    At around noon on December 21, 1914, food riots swept Berlin, bringing the already cripplingly exhausted police force to its knees. As the Kaiserin retreated into the cold corners of the palace to weather the mayhem and await the return of order, "Embassy Row," just a short ride down the Wilhelmstrasse, watched uneasily. Most countries, even minor powers, maintained diplomatic relations with Germania there, including the likes of the Confederation of the Carolinas, Italy, and even distant Australia, and many of their official embassies were located along this bustling throroughfare in the richest part of the ancient Teutonic city. At about 3 pm, Illuminist radicals hurled an improvised bomb across the walls of the Carolinian Embassy, home of some twenty Carolinian soldiers, Ambassador Clyde Gibbs and his family, and an assortment of staff and cooks numbering around ten. When the bomb detonated, it destroyed the parked 1912 Roscoe Motors Rebelle, Ambassador Gibbs personal car, leaving only the two military trucks parked nearby as accessible escape vehicles. Soldiers let loose with their bolt actions through the fire and haze, killing several attackers. As the terrorists dispersed into the nearby alleyways as the embassy's warning sirens blared, Gibbs was on the phone with the chief of police, Wilhelm Haas, demanding action be taken. In a move that infuriated Gibbs, Haas hastily informed the gaunt, long-faced ambassador that, as much as he would like to help, rioters were overwhelming his officers in another part of town. Furious, Gibbs slammed the phone down and comforted his children, who were very distressed at the loud noises and fire. He told Luke, age 8, and Priscilla, age 11, that everything was under control and the soldiers would protect them.

    Alas, the attack was just a taste of what was to come. At about 3 pm, Gibbs saw increasing numbers of nearby protestors carrying signs with slogans like "Fascists Go Home," and "Death to America," and made a decision to vacate the embassy and make a run for it in the remaining trucks to the aerodrome about ten miles to the south. But before they could pack up, swarms of rioters carrying Illuminist banners began to try to scale the fence. After a few warning shots, the soldiers once again opened fire with their rifles, forcing the invaders back to the ground and leaving ten more dead bodies at the bottom of the iron fence. Instead of fleeing this time, however, the rioters grew more and more furious and bloodthirsty, with several throwing shamrock shakes over the walls and setting the roof of the embassy on fire. Panic spread to all inside and the soldiers pulled up a Yankee-built Colonel Pierce coffee grinder and set it up on the embassy portico. Without hesitation, they began spewing hundreds of rounds into the crowds, the water-cooled gun glowing red-hot as the attackers shrieked and fell, blood running through the cobblestones. Mangled bodies of the dying littered the street, some desperately seeking help. None came. The crowds began to pull back, terrified of the devastating blasts of the Colonel Pierce. Pistol in hand, Gibbs led his family and his staff toward the trucks, firing his pistol as he walked, his thick, knee-length black leather winter coat contrasting with the field gray uniforms of the troops mowing down the attackers. The staff members were absolutely mortified, as was his family, and they ran with their hands over their heads toward the trucks.

    Just then was when the engine could be heard. A large autocarriage was hurtling toward the iron gate of the embassy at breakneck speed. When it finally arrived, its driver threw himself out of the truck and ran for his life as the grinder team tried to blast him to pieces. Immediately, Gibbs knew the beat-up delivery truck was a bomb. Seconds later, it went off, detonating like a huge pipe bomb and sending shrapnel in all directions. Through the smoke, Gibbs could see five of his guards and three of his staff members dead. With the gate now blocked by the wreckage, the only way out via a vehicle was gone. They were trapped. Letting loose a barrage of rounds from his pistol, Gibbs frantically ushered his people back into the three story brick building, the guards on the grinder still providing covering fire.

    "This is a g*ddamn massacre and a coordinated assault!" screamed Gibbs as they rushed back inside. The sound of the gunfire echoed off the white marble floors and high ceiling of the embassy atrium. Several soldiers were laying on the floor, clutching shrapnel wounds. The mobs were beginning to scale the fence on all sides of the compound, well out of range of the lone grinder on the porch. Gibbs once again tried to call out of the compound, but the phone lines had been cut. A desperate and increasingly hopeless Gibbs threw down his pistol and took a shotgun from one of the wounded. He took a puff from a cigar and said a quiet prayer, knowing they were likely about to die or worse. He told his family to be brave and handed his staff weapons, even his trusty elderly negro manservant Buckley receiving a pistol. As the grinder team pulled back inside, overwhelmed, the mobs finally entered the mansion proper.

    Despite the best and most valiant efforts to resist, the Illuminists broke through the defenders and began butchering the soldiers alive. Soon they were upon Gibbs and his family. But instead of killing them, they began dragging them out of the building, brutally beating and shoving them out onto the street. A huge crowd of jeering onlookers laughed and shouted as the ambassador and his family were goaded through the streets with billy clubs. The Republican Union's embassy next door had been vacant since last summer, but the other nearby embassies watched in horror and boarded up as the mobs brutalized the innocent family. At 8 that night, the Illuminists at last grew tired of their sport and forced the family and surviving staff members back inside the embassy and into the basement. There, a firing squad massacred the entire group. The next morning, Gibbs head, and those of his wife and children, were mounted on pikes near the wreckage of the truck bomb. Violence grew so extreme in the capital that the Kaiserin fled to Finland, one locale which had staunchly refused Illuminism, and set up her government in exile in Helsinki. Grand Duke Leopold Lothar took this as an invitation to rule and immediately marched his army to Berlin, only to be met with Illuminist mobs. He was unceremoniously killed in the fighting for control of the capital on March 20, 1915, when a mortar landed on his position. Only Wolfgang Kapp remained to fight the Illuminists.

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    Illuminist revolutionaries march through the streets of Berlin, proclaiming the Second Enlightenment as severed heads line the Carolinian Embassy walls

    Kapp was quick to announce that Finland, at least for now, could go its own way. As he was now the only conservative leader of note remaining in mainland Germania, he saw it as his job to unite all of the right against the Illuminists, but he knew he couldn't do it alone. He needed foreign aid to fight on. He only held the western regions of the country, those that were quite conservative and feared the godless Illuminists and their anti-clerical beliefs. Kapp mustered up every able-bodied man he could and begged the people to hold the line. He would not be alone for much longer, however. The reaction back in the Confederation of the Carolinas over the Embassy Massacre was pure rage. Marches in the streets of Charlotte, Raleigh, Nashville, and even in Jacksonland demanded justice for Gibbs and his people who were murdered in that cold basement after being led through the streets and beaten to a pulp. Chancellor Johnny Gamble knew that dealing with this problem quickly would make him appear stronger and less like a Yankee boot-licker in the eyes of his people. So on April 1, 1915, he addressed the nation and called for the creation of the "Wade Hampton Volunteer Brigade."

    "Those blood-thirsty heathen terrorists that murdered our beloved ambassador, Clyde Gibbs, and his little children, wife, and the entire staff of our Berlin Embassy, need to feel the cold, hard wrath of the people of the Carolinas! We are a gentleman's republic, founded upon principles of peace, prosperity, and goodwill. When our ambassador, an emissary of peace, is torn to shreds in cold-blood, though, y'all are going to see a different side of the Cokie Man! We fought a damn war against powers thirty times our size and won! We ain't gonna sit by while a bunch of pea-brained terrorists kill our people! That's why I think we need to take a little trip, just like Ol' Hickory would have done, to go teach these bastards a lesson. Wolfgang Kapp, a true gentleman of Christian conservative persuasion, is fighting alone against these terrorists, fenced in from every angle and on all sides. We cannot let this beacon of light be extinguished! That's why I am speaking to you, my fellow countrymen, today, to announce the creation of the Wade Hampton Volunteer Brigade! Any able-bodied man aged 16 or older can take himself to the nearest recruiting station and enlist to go fight for Wolfgang Kapp and give us justice for our fallen heroes of the embassy. They done went and riled us up, boys! Let's go wup 'em! Hark the Sound!"

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    Chancellor Gamble circa 1920

    This wasn't the first time that Cokie volunteers went spelunking in Europe, as the Carolinian Ulstermen Battalions had served in the thick of the fighting in Northern Ireland, spear-heading Churchill's attacks on the Catholic bastion. They were renown for their absolute fearlessness in combat and willingness to sacrifice themselves for the success of the attack. Over 70 percent of the Ulstermen Battalions didn't make it home. Now, hordes of men were begging for a chance to go fight the "Owls," as they called the Illuminists because of their Minervan banners. After a training period of about two months, the Wade Hampton Brigade shipped out, bound for Europe. Sweden invited them to land in Denmark and march to Germania from there. In Sweden, grateful people offered them supplies and more weapons, and about 1000 Swedes actually joined the Brigade in one of the strangest units in military history. When they arrived in Hamburg, one of Kapp's biggest centers of support, they received a warm welcome from the crowds of anti-Illuminists. The people were now flying Kapp's Iron Cross banner, rather than the traditional flag bearing the Hohenzollern-Wettin Black Eagle, along with the Cokie Moon-and-Stars. It would not be long before the men would see action, fighting in Magdeburg and Dessau in July and August 1915, going into battle blasting the Carolinian anthem, "Hark the Sound of Free Men's Voices," and letting loose their infamous "Yee Yee!" warcry (even the Swedish volunteers had been trained on how to perform the cry). This helped stem the tide of the Illuminist advance, handing them their first defeat in months.

    Meanwhile, General Tommy Jones, the Governor of Carolinian Jacksonland, sent warnings to Charlotte and Leipzig that neighboring Germanian Mittelafrika needed support. Rather than Illuminists, black Africans had started to rally behind the bloody "Congo King," Opulo Odika, who wished to make himself emperor of Mittelafrika. Fearful of losing valuable colonial holdings, Kapp, now calling himself Reichsprasident of the Republic of Germania, offered a portion of southernmost Mittelafrika to the Confederation, allowing them access to the Indian Oceans, if they would support the beleaguered Germanian colonial forces. In October, 1915, the Army of Jacksonland moved in with a general advance along the entire border. A sharp push eastward drove all the way to the opposite coast by January of 1916, and there General Jones announced the new territory of Yonderland, with himself as territorial governor. The narrow strip connecting Jacksonland with Yonderland was known as the "Carolinian Corridor," and this saw most of the continued fighting for the next few years.

    Kapp was, by now, so engrossed in fighting the Illuminists, who were also beginning to trickle in from Russia, Ukraine, and other eastern regions to support the Polish and Germanian revolutionaries, that he realized he would have to make a call on Mittelafrika. He no longer could afford to maintain complete control over the region while still holding back the Owls. Thus, in early 1917, he ordered Reinhardt von Bachenheim, the acting colonial governor of Mittelafrika, to set up his own sovereign government in the region. Von Bachenheim had recently taken the administrative mantle after the former governor, Leopold von Egk, had been ousted for attempting to back the Kaiserin, an unpopular figure in Mittelafrika. This move by Kapp to allow, or even encourage, indendence was nothing short of extraordinary to most of the world, as a Western power had never before relinquished control of a large colony to an independence movement of any sort since the British had in the Thirteen Colonies. Von Bachenheim proclaimed himself "Fuhrer," or "Leader," of the "Mittelafrikan Reich," and that same new Fuhrer immediately opened up diplomatic channels with the fascist bloc, seeking further foreign aid and supplies to keep his country's white minority on top. Even many American blacks viewed many of the African tribes as "uncivilized inferior pygmioids," their blood having mixed with "degenerate Mohammedans and Hispaniards." Von Bachenheim also warmly welcomed the Carolinians in to fight the black revolutionaries and used their seemingly genetically-coded fear of blacks to his advantage. Opulo Odika would continue his struggle to crown himself monarch of the greater Congo region indefinitely, his supporters striking at night and disappearing into the jungle. Many foreign mercenary armies were brought in over the years, such as the contracting of Graypool Protection Services of Texas to oversee Mittelafrika's massive diamond and oil facilities and keep them safe from the native warlords.

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    Carolinian and American volunteers fight black rebels somewhere in Mittelafrika, 1917

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    Flag of the Mittelafrikan Reich

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    Fuhrer Reinhardt von Bachenheim

    This opened up an especially dark chapter of African history. In retaliation for the revolts, von Bachenheim's troops, along with many Cokie, American, and even some English and Dutch volunteers, began to absolutely brutalize the black indigenous population of Mittelafrika while the international community, so devastated by the war and caring little for the fate of some far-flung, near-illiterate African tribes, did nothing. Known as the Handhunters, the foreign troops were asked to bring wagons full of rebel hands to the Mittelafrikan capital of Kappsburg, on the western coast. Each hand would be exchanged for what the Republican Union would know as somewhere around 100 dollars. Mittelafrika became a favorite stomping ground of trauma-wracked, mentally-unbalanced veterans of the Great World War, many of whom were supremely psychotic and took out their rage and hatred of the world on the African people. Another interesting development, in the Chinese sense, was the recent arrival of Pentagon Oil "territorial appraisal crews," who were there to chart out valuable resources in the Reich. Rudolf Kuhn, CEO of Pentagon, had been snubbed not long before by the other Union Economic Clans, when they ripped him of his near-monopoly on American oil. Here in the newly-independent Reich, he saw new opportunities to use Africans as basically slaves, working long hours at oil pumps, rubber plantations, and in diamond mines. Kuhn never got over his defeat back in his home country, however, and even the exploitation of thousands of Africans couldn't sate his ego until the day he died in 1920. When that happened, von Bachenheim announced that Pentagon's facilities in-country would be nationalized and seized. In order to maximize profits for his own nation, he placed Hans Wiedman's Wiedman Industries in charge of the nationalized derricks, rubber farms, and mines. The American Banking Clan moved in in 1921, offering to help modernize Mittelafrika's economy. With the tide of foreigners and those fleeing the war in Germania, Mittelafrika's population would grow quite large by the 1930s, but contained a worrisome number of unstable psychopaths, encroaching Cokie settlers, and criminals.

    But back in Germania, business was the last thing on anyone's minds. First and foremost was killing everything in sight, followed by burning it down. Despite his best efforts, Kapp could not track down the cunning Illuminist Grand Master, Otto Werner, and the "Devil Jew" continued to lead his "People's Revolution" from hiding. For a brief time, beginning on August 3, 1918, Kapp and his army actually took Berlin and victory seemed certain. For forty days, Kapp's forces brutally slaughtered and murdered every Illuminist they could find. In particular, the Wade Hampton Volunteer Brigade enacted brutal vengeance upon those who had dared to defile their embassy, and by "those who had dared to defile their embassy," they really meant "anyone who wasn't throwing roses before their conquering boots." Over 5,000 men and women were executed by firing squad during the occupation, before a new force of Illuminist reinforcements from the east sent Kapp and his international coalition back westward.

    By 1920, all parties were exhausted, with Germania having been at war since 1911. Eleven years of constant bloodshed had devastated the population and reduced the "economy" into a joke. There was increasingly less to fight for. Kapp once said, "I may win this war. But I may win a pile of ash." Also at this time, Kolchak was defeated in Russia, spelling a total end of anti-Illuminist activity in the east. Kapp knew that if he did not do something soon, all could be lost as the Russian hordes swept west. But the Russians did not desire to continue fighting either. They had lost millions upon millions in the past decade, and they had no desire to persist if it could be avoided. Like in Ireland several years before, and uneasy truce was called, with neither side admitting defeat, merely wanting a respite from the bloodshed. From that point on, Hamburg became the capital of "West Germania," the Germanian Republic. Volksburg (formerly Konigsberg) being the capital of the Illuminist People's Republic of Germania, or "East Germania" to the English-speaking world. Berlin hung precariously in the middle as the Berlin Free State, a supposedly neutral "demilitarized zone." The Hohenzollern-Wettins still ruled in Finland as the "Empire of Germania," but by now the monarchy had little support inside Germania proper, and many now viewed Erika as the reason for the entire mess. And thus began one of the most uneasy truces in history, as three incompatible factions agreed to at least breed a new generation of soldiers before once again continuing the slaughter....
     
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    POST-WAR EUROPE: EUROPA AND FRIENDS
  • POST-WAR EUROPE:
    EUROPA AND FRIENDS
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    Prime Minister Fabian Perrault inspects the troops (1925)

    Europa at the end of the war was not a pretty sight. Barely containing internal revolt and anarchist and Illuminist factions that threatened to make the Terror of Robespierre return. There was a very good chance that the fragile Empire could have fractured into its many parts, with likely a new republic being proclaimed. The fact that this did not occur was largely due to three things.

    The first thing was the death of Napoleon IV. The monarch passed of a particularly nasty case of stomach cancer on January 21, 1914, bringing his troubled rule to an inglorious end. He had started out strong in 1890, determined to revive the empire to world dominance after the pathetic reign of his portly father, but he had ended up driving it to ruin. Through his own bullheadedness and narcissism he had bungled the war from the very start, from his decision to wage a war on multiple fronts all at the same time, he had lost a good portion of the Empire's territory, especially the entire Rheinbund. While the southern half of the industrial heartland remained in his sphere, the northern half was lost to Germania, which was now lost to civil war, and all of the North and South American colonies and satellites. But all had not failed. In the end, Viktor had lost his crown and the League of Tsars had finally buckled after a glorious breakout at Budapest. The Holy Land remained under Europan control, and the Knights of Jerusalem were heroes of the Empire. But no amount of propaganda could make anyone forget about the loss of the Bund and the Americas. The economy was in shambles. India still flew the Bonapartist banner, but the Plague had wiped out 30% of the subcontinent. A place that had seen almost no military action saw the worst Plague statistics of the entire outbreak, but it had also likely been the only thing keeping secessionist movements from starting a civil war. When the Prince of Bombay took power in Paris as Caesar Napoleon V, there were going to be some changes, that was for sure. His coronation was kept much more modest than anyone had dared dream for his predecessors, and the 25 year-old monarch would begin a period of remarkable evolution for the superstate.

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    Napoleon IV's casket carried before the Army (1914)

    The second thing preventing civil war in Europa was the sheer exhaustion of the people. The war, Plague, and the anthrax problem had absolutely ravaged the population. Losses on the Rhinish Front paled in comparison to the Eastern Front, where millions laid buried in unmarked graves. The lack of returning sons also served to sink the economy like a rock. There were still enough men to do the needed jobs, but the truly talented and skilled laborers were killed in their masses for no discernible reason. Many of the ones who returned from the war found their previous careers meaningless and spiraled into alcoholism and absinthe-use. The horrific sights heralded a new era of art as well, termed "Revoltism," which took most of the century-old Byronic styles of the tragic hero story, lavish and detailed paintings, and Napoleonic morals and turned them on their heads. The tragic hero became the tragic buffoon, bungling and scraping his way through an empty abyss of meaningless torment in the war only to come home to country barely still standing. The graceful nudes and Romance of the painting world of the past century turned to abstract shapes and bright explosions of the color spectrum, much of which was inspired by drug usage by debilitated war veterans, or the chaotic and hellish explosions and fires of combat. The Catholic Church, formerly the most important thing by far in the lives of all Europans, was seeing a massive drop in attendance as evolutionary and atheistic beliefs took hold thanks to the Second Enlightenment, though Pope Peter II would see many return to the fold. The man who christened the term "Revoltism," Henri Napoleon Janvier, was a sergeant during the war and had served for six months during the Siege of Budapest. He came home to Lyons after the end of the war and discovered his parents and fiance had both died of the Plague. In 1918, he first displayed his now-infamous masterpiece, I Have No Mouth, Yet I Scream, which became a symbol of the entire war and the rest of the lives of many of its veterans.

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    I Have No Mouth, Yet I Scream, by Henri Napoleon Janvier (1918)

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    Budapest, by Johann Ludwig Stein (1923)

    The third thing keeping Europa in one piece was the presence of Perrault. The marshal was seen by many as a soldier's soldier, a symbol of the military who followed orders into hell but who wished things had gone differently. There were whispers that a republican plot wished to take the commander and place him in charge of a revolutionary government, but he instead had the conspirators arrested. Perrault's popularity among the men who had served and who remembered him as always ready to plunge into battle with the common troops at any time, was single-handedly supporting the Imperial system upon Napoleon IV's death. Some even desired to see Perrault take on the mantle of Caesar himself, but there was little chance of that. Instead, he desired not to tear down, but reform. On one cold morning in 1914, he laid out his plans for Napoleon V to understand. Perrault told him he could promise the loyalty of the military only if certain concerns were addressed. Immediately, Napoleon V, far more intelligent than his bellicose father, agreed, fearing a collapse of the dynasty if he did otherwise. The first matter Perrault insisted on was the granting of much more power to the Imperial Diet and the Prime Minister, while also demanding the removal of Othmar Derichs as the Prime Minister. Derichs had been one of the leading causes of the war, and his constant inflating of Napoleon IV's ego stoked the fires that had consumed the world. These demands were met. On April 2, 1914, Derichs was ousted from power by a full squad of Imperial Guardsmen, who then sent him into exile in North Africa. The Imperial Diet then assumed the powers of making war and peace, and also modified the Constitution of the Empire for the first time in decades to allow for women and all adults over the age of 21 to vote in elections. Overnight, a century-old near-absolute monarchy became a constitutional parliamentary system. Caesar still could dismiss prime ministers and could call for emergency elections, but he could no longer declare war on anyone and everyone and was no longer left to his own devices for international diplomacy. Napoleon V would become known as the "Napoleon the Figurehead" for good reason.

    In 1918, Europa would hold its first full democratic elections. Perrault beat former trade minister Jean Francois Lamar in a landslide. The election going smoothly was a critical matter for the Empire, and the exceeding of expected turnout rates was a welcome surprise. All in all, for such a large nation, the voting went well and with minimal issue. Prime Minister Perrault now set about forming his government and modernizing the Empire from the ground up. Of special interest to him now was the, shall we say, unfortunate borders of the Empire. Austria-Hungary was officially still part of the nation of Europa, despite the fact that the loss of the Rheinbund made connection to Paris very... dubious... at best. Unrest in the Catholic South German nations made the matter worse, and it made very little logistical sense in general to continue pretending it was all one solid empire. Facing sad reality, a 1919 referendum was held, with the people deciding between continued membership in Europa or offering the crown to Franz Josef Hapsburg's only surviving child (and one of the few remaining pure-blooded members of that ancient dynasty) Princess Sophie, then already well advanced in age. Sophie was popular with most of the Empire, and her work with the Blue Cross, the Imperial medical services during the war, endeared her to the military. During the Siege of Budapest, she went under fire tending to the wounded despite being in her 60s and garnered herself the nickname of "Grandmother of the Army." It was no surprise when the referendum overwhelmingly swept her to power as Queen Sophie I, of the Kingdom of Austria-Hungary. She had already been managing much of the restoration work in Hungary for years, and now she was able to full take control of the situation. The black-and-gold banners of the Hapbsurgs flew in Vienna for the first time in half a century as the procession of automobiles and carriages made its way through the streets packed with jubilant onlookers. After years of pure hell, there was hope once again in Austria-Hungary. 1920 would see the adoption of the Royal Constitution and the creation of the Austro-Hungarian Royal Parliament.

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    Royal Guardsmen stand at attention in Vienna (1925)

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    Royal Austro-Hungarian troops on exercises near the Italian border (1929)

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    Queen Sophie of Austria-Hungary

    But all was not well in the east. The Illuminists hung as a menacing spectre on the horizon, ever-present and always looking for a chance to export the Revolution. This was the main reason, in fact, for why Perrault pushed hard for an Austria-Hungary referendum. He wanted a patriotic and nationalistic country to buffer the Illuminists. The people in Austria-Hungary already had proved during the war that they would gladly sacrifice life and limb if it meant holding the line. Now, to further engage parts of the old Continental Alliance, Perrault sought to create one form of currency usable in all Allied territories. This would hopefully combat inflation and, to quote Perrault, "Out of the hands of the International Yankee Jew and into the hands of a central bank." This currency would be known as the Euro and would be rolled out by 1922. Even Austria-Hungary, still very much in the Allied camp, adopted the Euro as its official currency. The currency was issued partly out of Perrault's deep-seated fear of "international Hebrew bankers" but mostly to combat the absolutely awful inflation that had been ravaging the country since 1913. Upon the Euro's successful adoption, most revolutionary activities within the Alliance ceased, although Catalonia would be granted home-rule in 1924.

    The era following the end of the inflation problem saw glimmers of hope for a brighter day all across Bonapartist Europe. Even though the war and disease had decimated them, even though entire cities had been wiped out, there was now a promise of better tomorrow. Perrault was reelected in a landslide in 1920 and 1926, always positioning himself under his campaign motto of "Hope and Change." Napoleon V typically gladly supported him and in turn helped redeem the Bonaparte family in the eyes of the commoner. For the first time in human recollection, parliamentary democracy was succeeding in mainland Europe. Women were voting, massive leaps were being made in the sciences, aid was finally coming to India, North Africa, and the other remaining colonies. Powerful new aeroplanes were replacing the now antiquated aeroships, ferrying citizens all over the Empire. The Lost Generation would always be there, always nursing its deep-cut wounds from the war, but the generation after them, those too young to have served in the war, saw the world in a different light. Much in America during this era, it began to be called the Roaring 20s. People began to have parties again. Dancehalls were packed with well-dressed gentlemen and beautiful ladies, all wearing the latest fashions from designers like Lestrange and Jojo Martel. Music began to take on a rhythmic, jazzy sound, influenced by Yankee blues music that was oddly catchy to Europan teens and young adults, despite its nefarious origins.

    And over it all Fabian Perrault watched in disgust. The International Jew, he thought, was digging in, and his own leniency had let it happen. The Hebrew would always find a way, he would tell Napoleon V. What was needed, he said, was action. A degree of democracy, he would say, was needed to placate the people. "But allowing foreign subversion of our beautiful European culture, to allow this fascist noise and these immodest clothes and dances, is to allow Satan himself into the heartland. We must cleanse Europa, and the Alliance, of this cunning and dastardly menace that seeks to take advantage of the shifting political landscape to strip our great Christian empire of its decency."

    The elections of 1932 would be the first in which he would not run, but the aging war hero would make his opinions known. The Euro would suffer beginning in 1929, and a movement dubbing itself "Perraultists" would begin to march in the streets of France, Spain, Ireland, and Italy, lead by "supercatholic" Julius Evola and basing themselves on radical devotion to Pope Peter II. And in Austria-Hungary, the death of the Queen would see a certain hero of Budapest create a political party that would change the face of Europe forever....

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    Perraultists on the march, 1930
     
    RAISE HELL: THE MR. TOBIAS STORY
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    The Blind Christian Gentleman Mr. Tobias, the right hand of Dr. Charles Marx and one of the main proponents of Spiritual Marxism, was born on November 1, 1831, to unknown parents in the town of Liverpool, England. So much of his early life, including his last name, has been forever masked in mystery, and what records that may have been discovered by later generations were likely lost to time or the ravages of war back in his home country. Apparently, Tobias was an itinerant preacher in around the Liverpool area but had little fame or success. His life story really only was ever known for certain starting around the time of the Great American War. When the passenger ship O.K. Sultan was sunk by Georgian gunboats on August 22, 1858, Tobias answered the call to arms the Union issued "to all hearty Anglo-Saxon Christians who wish to fight for God and what is right!" Remembering the Union's assistance via AFC Volunteer Brigades during the 1842 English Revolution, Tobias and many other Protestant hardliners in England saw it as their time to finally repay the debt owed to the Americans.

    Upon his arrival in New York City, Tobias joined the 2nd New York English Volunteer Maniple with around 120 of his Anglo brothers. The 2nd English would see action at the Battle of Fox Farm Hill, directly on the Union-Virginian border, during the opening gambits of the war. Fox Farm Hill was a rather small and unimportant fight that few historians recall as particularly interesting, but it was responsible for forging one of the most legendary Americans of all time into what he would become. During the opening salvo of the battle, a shell detonated near Tobias. There is a chance that it was not an enemy shell and, potentially, was actually a misfiring American explosive. Later in life, Tobias and official biographies of him would insist on it being a Virginian shell. The explosion killed several of his comrades and sent him flying backward, his uniform on fire and shrapnel perforating his limp body. Tobias would wake up in a field hospital unable to see. Though doctors were hopeful and told him his sight would eventually return, it never did. Two months later, Tobias would be formally discharged from the army. Of interest is the fact that the English Volunteers kept few records and were only just barely considered true members of the armed forces, and so his enlistment and medical records were lost to time, or perhaps never even existed, again leaving his last name shrouded in mystery. According to legend, one of his fellow English veterans would recognize him decades later at a Charles Marx session in New York and told bystanders "It's Private Crowley, by Jove," though this is possibly apocryphal.

    What followed his discharge was an odd tale indeed. Returning to New York City aboard an army medical train, he found work for a short time as a boot black, shining shoes on street corners for a pence apiece. However, the blind man developed a reputation with the street people in the area as a charismatic and intense orator and preacher, and many came to look upon him as a mentor. Something of a cult of personality developed around the strange little shoeshine man, and he soon found himself being taken care of by the local homeless population, who referred to him as "The Blind Christian Gentleman." Legends say he was also a "sexual machine," "chasing the devil out of harlots and street girls with the power of his Pinnacle Seed." In 1860, Tobias had secured enough of a fortune to travel to Boston, where his helpers had secured the deed for a run-down mansion on the outskirts of the city. Supposedly, Sir William Howe had made the house his personal quarters during the British occupation of Boston. Following a short period of repairs and upkeep, Tobias opened the house up as a "spiritual transcendental meditation salon." Tobias would sit for days at a time on an old Native American rug listening to one of his favorite prostitutes, or "helpers," read to him from the Four Books of Manifest Destiny. Though some would claim that Tobias was a prophet, he himself never claimed as such. He "merely" claimed that his blindness had actually opened up his "third eye" so he could transcend the earthly realm to see "fantastic wonders" and that he could communicate with the dead. Naturally, this raised some eyebrows, but he was so devoted to his message that many began to believe him. In 1861, a visitor to the salon would change everything.

    Dr. Charles Marx, Professor of Occult Studies at Benedict Arnold University of Boston, had long desired to make a name for himself and to move out of the shadows of his more famous father, who had devised Scientific Marxism and electro-shock science in the earlier part of the century. For the entirety of the 1850s, Marx had gone off in search of "spiritual power of great magnitude," first finding himself stranded in the Congo. This was followed by his first successful book, Great White King in the Heart of Darkness, or How I, Dr. Charles Marx, became the God of the Congolese Savages. After this, he studied under "Vodou Queen" Mama Dog on the island of Hispaniola (later known as East Carolina). While with the elderly witch, he supposedly unlocked "the secrets of the Other Side," and he now was firmly convinced of the existence of spiritual power and Christian Magick "as unlocked by the power of trained, ordained spiritual mediums." In 1861, Marx had heard rumors of the "Blind Christian Gentleman" and decided to return to Boston to meet with him.

    When Marx visited the salon, he remarked to his butler who had accompanied him, "Can you feel it? There's a primal, powerful energy here. I sense a portal has been opened up to the Other Side here. Gird your loins, and may Jehovah protect us." Marx initially halted his entry into the ancient house because of Tobias's former harlots, who now devoted themselves to him with "mind, body, and soul," and were completely naked at all times. Marx, perplexed, slowly calmed down and was led to the central room of the house, which Tobias called the "Inner Sanctum." The nude women were rather unsettling, and each carried a candle to light the way. All the windows of the house had been sealed up to prevent any light from the outside world and normally the building was kept completely pitch black unless absolutely necessary, and the women looked not unlike ghosts, their pale figures seemingly floating through the mansion by dim candlelight. Marx thought it strange that Tobias, a blind man, would be concerned with keeping out light, but he would soon learn it was among the medium's many curiously odd habits. When the two men finally met, it was as if they were long-lost brothers. They each shared many of the same ideas and were happy to talk for hour upon hour about "The Realm Spiritual what that is beyond the veil of reality," as the Blind Man so aptly put it in his Liverpool accent.

    For several months after this, Marx and Tobias were inseparable, drawing up plans to travel the country and spread the word of Spiritualism. Interestingly, Tobias wanted little of the fanfare and glory, instead wishing for Marx to use his respected name to push the theology forward. Indeed, it was Tobias who dubbed the new movement "Spiritual Marxism." When Marx initially objected to taking the credit, Tobias insisted, saying that "My name is mud. I am but a blind Christian gentleman, groveling before our Lord, but there are those more blind than eye who shall look upon me and laugh. But the noble Professor Marx shall not long be ignored!" Despite his initial humility, Tobias was a rabid evangelist for the cause, helping Marx to take their spiritual show on the road, performing sessions (European seances), speaking in tongues, and communing with the dead at every church, theatre, and building that would have them. What followed the initial public appearances was an explosion of popularity. Families eager to speak to loved ones killed in the Great American War could supposedly say their last goodbyes with the aid of a "gifted, ordained medium." While some folk derided these "sessions" as making money off of dead soldiers' families, many more believed. After all, the Council of Jehovah had long said that Christian Magick was real. Now, in a time of great sorrow, the Lord was surely revealing that which had been hidden to the masses.

    "I was laughed at! I was scorned, I was! But the pow'r that was i'vested in me by the Holy Lord Jehovah has filled me to the brim what with passion to share the fantastical phantasmic plain what with those who seek enlightenment! No amount of derision or mockery shall long inhibit the power within me! Here I stand, knee-deep in ectoplasm. I can do no other!"

    - Mr. Tobias speaking before a crowd in Philadelphia on July 1, 1862

    The next decades brought unprecedented success to the movement. Mr. Tobias went from a secondary figure to a celebrity in his own right, and his ego rose with his status. Gone were the days of living in a run-down colonial mansion. With the arrival of the Manifest Destiny Party and George Custer in the late 19th century, he was officially welcomed into the Union government and the American Fundamentalist Christian Church, while Marx elected to retire and write. In 1890, Tobias went up to the Poconos Mountains of Pennsylvania with government and church contractors and began construction on the Mr. Tobias Institute. The massive castle nestled in the mountains was exorbitantly expensive, but the Blind Christian Gentleman said it was necessary to "help secure a glorious future for our nation in the name of Jehovah." The fortress was home to a massive observatory (rather ironic) to watch the stars and planets for the arrival of the Second Coming, a meditation facility, dining halls, and even more. The Institute was laid out to make absolutely no sense unless you either worked there or were guided by someone who did. Mr. Tobias himself resided for a long time in the eastern wing in a grand chamber, constantly tended to by his former harlots (who were never photographed or ever mentioned in print in the entire country). The main four buildings, however, were the Chapel of Manifestum, a domed structure that served as the chief church for the Institute and was the one most frequently seen, the Chapel of Fati, which conducted many rituals to "strengthen the nation," the Chapel of Patriots, which was dedicated to all Patriot-Saints and Martyrs and which sported the observatory to await their return, and finally the Chapel of Purity, which was largely a mystery to outsiders. The Library of the Faith was one of the largest libraries in the world, with over 10,000 books on religious and occult matters. Next door was the Library of the Third Eye, which consisted of a massive depository of supposedly "magickly endowed" items, relics, and the like which could be used in rituals.

    But all was not well. In his desire to "spread his Pinnacle fluids," Tobias had impregnated dozens, if not hundreds, of women while on the road preaching and conducting sessions, sometimes teaching that this was the only way to perform rituals necessary to open the gateway to the Other Side. This was a potential public relations nightmare for the Church on a unimaginable scale, though Billy Sunday would later give him a run for his money. The Church would offer to shelter the women at the Institute if they were in a tough spot and promised a livable income for the rest of their lives for their "sacrifice." Before long, though, rumors spread that Tobias was the "greatest lover who ever lived," and hundreds of women wrote the Institute offering themselves up as tribute to the Blind Man. Tobias, of course, was ready and willing to do his duty. From 1891 to around 1908, in between and after tutoring Michael Custer in Philadelphia, Tobias welcomed a never-ending stream of women to the Institute, who would live in the "Chapel of Purity." Soon known as the "Sisters of Purity," the women viewed Tobias as the supreme authority in their life and dedicated their lives to him. Zealots, the Church's armed crimson-coated protection squads, were not allowed in the Chapel of Purity under any circumstances and the "Sister of Purity" had a group of around ten women stand guard at the singular entrance at all times, wearing white uniforms with crimson trim. Allowing any male other than Tobias himself into the Chapel of Purity was punishable by vague--but certainly not pleasant--terms.

    The fruits of Tobias's deeds definitely were obvious. By 1905, the Institute was home to hundreds of children. Little did the world know that the Church had now sanctioned Tobias's bedroom antics as the rightful propagation of a Pinnacle Bloodline. According to Church policy, Tobias was such a pure example of Anglo-Saxon fluidation that "He Who Is Blind must father as many children as possible before death to ensure the restoration of the Blood of Adam." When the news of growing tensions in Europe and Asia reached America, Tobias formed the Holy Order of the Sons of Tobias, often known simply as HOST. HOST was a militarized group of Zealots dedicated to fight exclusively under Tobias' crimson banner. Every single HOST Zealot was indeed a son of Tobias, and each adopted the last name "Tobiason" for legal purposes. Tobiason would become one of the most common American last names by the mid-20th century. HOST would see action in the Great World War, especially out west during the Californian campaign. The troops that broke through the final Californian defenses were, in fact, HOST Zealots. Their ferocity and valiant conduct in battle would result in their final acceptance by the American people. Americans realized what Tobias had done, and the results were undeniably impressive.

    "The end of this dreadful but successful war has finally arrived. My children died in their masses. I lost my boys by the score. You can never fill the void inside of a lost child. I have lost more children than any man alive, I believe. Since 1911, 232 of the fruit of my loins have died in the line of duty defending our freedom. But for their sacrifice I am forever grateful, and I join a grateful nation in praying for their souls to be received what with all of our fallen heroes into Heaven. Amen."

    - Official statement from the Blind Christian Gentleman at the end of the Great World War

    When Joe Steele, Tobias's former protege, took power at the end of the war, Tobias feared for his own safety. He knew Steele was cuckholding Reverend-Colonel Sunday and stripping him of any real power and he feared government intrusion into the Institute. But Steele was not stupid. Despite initially concocting plans to recruit one Tobias's women to poison him, Steele moved on. He realized that Tobias was in his 80s and offered no challenge to his sovereignty and decided to forgive his tutor for his horrific school years. On November 1, 1921, the day of his 90th birthday, He Who Is Blind became He Who Was Blind, passing away in his sleep of old age. The Chapel of Purity was thrown into chaos, with hysterical women crying and shrieking that all was lost. Some fifteen women killed themselves over the next several days, most of them some of his oldest followers and closest companions. It was up to Howard Lovecraft, a former raving lunatic now remolded with electro-shock by Tobias into an apprentice, to restore order. Lovecraft was quickly named Head of the Institute and he told the Sisters of Purity that they could still devote themselves to the Church and to Tobias' memory by doing good deeds in his name. Some offered themselves to Lovecraft, but he seemed disgusted by their advances. In the 1920s, the Sisters of Purity would go on to become one of the largest charitable organizations in the world and particularly helped the blind and crippled. In the 1930s, during a massive drought out west, Sisters of Purity would travel around the region, going from state to state, gifting food, water, and clothes to those who could no longer support themselves. By mid-century, SOP would be one of the most beloved of American institutions and took on young members who were never a part of Tobias' lovelife. Esther Johnson, the last original Sister, would pass in 2012, at the age of 113. Johnson was only 16 in 1915, when she became one of the last to bear Tobias a child. Edgar Immanuel Tobiason, the last living original Son of Tobias, would pass in 2020 at the age of 105. For a blind, half-crippled, deranged medium, the Blind Christian Gentleman Mr. Tobias left an incredibly huge impact on American and world history, and also left an enduring blood legacy.

    "A man who was truly unique and divinely blessed, this true American hero passed onto us not only his precious bloodline, but also his words of wisdom in times of crises, his thoughts on matters spiritual and corporeal, and above all the message that resonates through the eons: That none are so blind as those who will not see. Indeed, Patriot-Saint Tobias was not truthfully blind, and saw and experienced that which we all can only imagine or hope to come close to witnessing ourselves. In his name and sacred memory, we light this Eternal Flame. With this flame we tell him, wherever he may be, that he will live on forever in the heart of his countrymen. May Jehovah bless the Sisters of Purity and the Holy Order of the Sons of Tobias on this, the 40th anniversary of the passing of the Blind Christian Gentleman into the Other Side. And may God bless America."

    - President Charles Oswald, November 1, 1961

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    The Eternal Flame of Patriot-Saint Tobias
     
    OSWALD: BIRTH OF A DYNASTY
  • OSWALD: BIRTH OF A DYNASTY
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    Joseph Kennedy (alias Joseph Oswald) in full Manifest Destiny Party attire, circa 1920

    Joseph Patrick Kennedy was born on August 31, 1888, to Patrick Joseph (P.J.) Kennedy and Mary Augusta Hickey. Both sets of Joe's grandparents immigrated from the Kingdom of Ireland in the earlier half of the 19th century. They had intended to move to California, but ended up settling in Trois-Rivieres, Quebec, where they worked as dockyard crewmen and household servants. Patrick and Mary were wed in 1887, when Patrick was working for the Quebecois Imperial Transport Company and Mary was a cook in the Royal Palace. Napoleon III, the porcine Caesar at the time, had recently granted the vast region sovereignty under his daughter, Queen Marie. In 1888, Joseph Patrick Kennedy was born in the servants' quarters of the palace. While the lower-class family was planning to have more children, these hopes would be dashed when P.J. was killed in a freak accident on board the steamer Niagara.

    Joe's childhood was unexciting, and consisted of chores, helping his widowed mother, some basic schooling, and playing rounders, the new popular sport from America, with some of the other servants' children. Joseph was a bit of an odd kid for the children of two Irishmen, idolizing the Philadelphia Yankee's star slugger Hyram Eugene Oswald, which was a tad odd considering Oswald, if they should ever meet by some freak chance, would consider Joe a subhuman Inferior. But, nonetheless, Joseph collected pack after pack of imported Morton Brand cigarettes from the Union, desperately hoping to collect the card of his hero. When he finally opened the lucky pack and found the Oswald card, it became his most prized possession, sitting in a small frame on a tiny shelf in his cramped bedroom in the servants' quarters. The rickety wooden shelf, probably dating from the days of Montcalm and Wolfe by the looks of it, Joe thought, only had two other items: his father's cap and a pocket watch that had belonged to his grandfather, struck with the Irish Royal coat-of-arms on the inside of the clasp.

    In 1900, Joseph, age 12, became a full time servant at the Royal Palace, scrubbing floors and washing windows, as well as weeding the gardens and courtyards and helping keep the carriages waxed. It wasn't a bad life, but it wasn't fulfilling. He did not want to be the third generation of his family to work as a servant or follow in his father's footsteps and be killed at sea. He wanted to play rounders, but there was no official league in Quebec, with football from Europe still being the national sport. Joe felt stuck and trapped with no way out. As he matured, he began to hate the monarchical system and the general state of world affairs. He was always told that the Irish were oppressed in the Republican Union, and that in the Empire they were free men, but he didn't feel free. He felt like a second-class citizen. One event that forever jaded him was in 1901, when Sophie Bonaparte, the queen's daughter, asked if she could play with him. He was setting up for a game of rounders with some of the other servant children, but it would be some time before they would be let go from their chores. Sophie was very pretty and had always seemed quite pleasant to Joe, so they began to play. Joe showed her how to hold the bat, which he had made on a lathe himself, and how to swing properly. Before long, they were having a ball, quite literally, and enjoying the day. When General Charles Martine, a Francophone military advisor who always hung about the palace, spotted the duo, however, hell broke loose.

    Martine demanded Joseph take all of his "crude toys" and return to his quarters, while he whisked the princess away. Later that night, as Mary was making potato soup and biscuits for dinner, loud knocking was heard at the door of the quarters. Joe's mother opened it to see Martine and several Royal Guards waiting at the doorstep. Martine laid into Mary like a wrecking ball, informing her if her little "creature" ever attempted to "be fresh" with the princess or show a member of the Royal Family "crude Yankee athletics" again, they would be out on the street. Tensions had been rising, and rounders was under an unspoken ban as war loomed large on the horizon. Not only did they lay into his mother, but the soldiers looked around the house for the rounders equipment and other contraband. They took his bat, ball, and glove, all hand-made, but above all they took his Oswald baseball card, frame and all. This day crushed Joe, and he would never forget the mistreatment at the hands of the Royals and Martine. It was just a fun game! He had meant no harm.

    In 1904, Mary passed after a long struggle with tuberculosis. This left a 16 year-old Joe to fend for himself. Fed up with life at the Palace, he finally quit and went to work for John "Honey Fitz" Fitzgerald, a popular Irishman who ran a newspaper, The Green Word, for Irish-born Quebecois in Trois-Rivieres. Honey Fitz was very influential in the Irish community, and if Joe got in good with him, it could potentially change his life. Joseph learned the art of proper communication skills and good business practices from Fitz, and before long he was one of Fitz's most-trusted workers, and was responsible for charting out deliveries for the wagons and cyclists that would throw the Green Word onto porches across the region. It was also around this time that Joseph stopped attending Mass, becoming agnostic at best. Fitz was moving onto other things by 1909, opening up an Irish pub and restaurant, named "Honey Fitz' Taste o' Eire," and and an absinthe distillery, named "Green Fairie Liquor," which more than quadrupled his income. This brought him into conflict with Sean O'Hara's liquor business, Emerald Eagle, and before long the two were using less-than-scrupulous ways to undermine each other's profits.

    Things began to spiral out of control on Valentine's Day, 1910, when Emerald Eagle associates broke into Green Fairie's warehouse and smashed dozens of barrels of whiskey and absinthe, as well as leaving one of Fitz's night watchmen a battered and broken mess. This was a step too far to Honey Fitz. He told Joe Kennedy, who had begun dating his daughter, Rose, by the this point, "If you want my daughter's hand, you're going to have to do a little side job for me. I ain't a pushover, Joey. If those Emerald bastards think they can do this to me, Honey-fuckin'-Fitz, with no repercussions, they are dead fuckin' wrong! I'm going to teach you a lesson in business, lad. If they resort to this sort o' damn fuckin' shenanigan, you hit right back, twice as damn hard, and when they're down you kick the shit out of 'em! Business makes the world go round. It's all just good business, Joey. Just good business."

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    John Francis "Honey Fitz" Fitzgerald

    Honey Fitz then told Joe to set fire to Emerald Eagle's offices and warehouse. He also gave Joe his first gun, a 6-shot Europan Navy revolver made in the Rheinbund. The mission would be the first time Joe was directly responsible for killing anyone. Over twelve office personnel at Emerald Eagle would burn to death, trapped in their office. A private security officer would be found dead, with a .45 in the back of what remained of his head. Police knew that Honey Fitz had to have been behind the attack, but the shadow of the Great World War slowly breaking out all over the globe made the investigation a back-burner issue. In the meantime, Joe was welcomed into the Fitzgerald family and married Rose on October 1, 1910.

    The destruction the war brought cannot be understated. Wholesale carnage and death had not been seen in Quebec since the War of 1812, and while preparations were made, it simply could not hold back the Yankee tide. While Honey Fitz had been able to keep Joe safe from the draft as a "vital piece of his company," Joe wouldn't have been able to stop the approach of Legate General Acme Ashton and his Union Army group "Lincoln's Hammer," who were burning everything from Peterborough to the Kawartha Lakes. Irishmen and Catholic priests were being killed in droves. Patton, too, with his ORRA men, were closing in. Total annihilation was what most looked forward too. With the Union and Nordreicher navies having control of the North Atlantic, there was no way out. Some would flee west to the wilderness of Canada proper, but most simply accepted their fate. A massacre was coming. But Joe Kennedy wanted to be sure to survive. He would improvise, adapt, and overcome.

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    An unknown house in Trois-Riviere before the Yankee bombardment

    What makes a human being turn on his own kind is something that could be studied for eternity. A man can long plot his treachery, relishing in the deceit and lies, or he can wake up one morning and decide he finally needs to do what is best for himself in that moment. Joseph Kennedy appeared to be of the first variety. Or, as he said it, "I am a pragmatic realist." He certainly wasn't the only Irishman to betray his own people when the Union came to town, burning and looting. He wasn't unique when he prayed to whatever god there might be during the hours and hours of constant shelling from the Union artillery, screaming and cries of horror silenced by the roar of the mortars and Colonel Pierces. He had heard Honey Fitz was killed at his home by aeroship bombardment. Joe didn't seem capable of much as he laid in the cellar of his modest house with his wife, Rose, fearing any second could be his last. But when the Yankee boys in blue and khaki came marching down his street, ready to round up any and all Irishmen, he pulled out a well-crafted forged identity, posing as the son of Scottish Presbyterian immigrants. Joseph William Oswald, married to Rose Bankhead, was born. Joe was about to do the first of his many great gambles. It would be with this fake identity that one of the greatest Union industrial moguls would forge himself into the man he would become. A man who would see the heights of greatness... and father a President.

    It was all... just good business.
     
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    OSWALD: DEAR OLD POP
  • OSWALD: DEAR OLD POP
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    Joe Oswald in a photograph taken around 1920

    The aftermath of the American subjugation and cleansing of Europan holdings in North America left millions of people newly minted Inferiors. Or, at least, those who weren't killed outright immediately. Joe Kennedy was among the survivors, with is false Presbyterian identity in stow. When the Yankee troops detained and questioned him, he told them how much persecution and poor treatment he had received at the hands of the "papist bastards." Impressed, he was conscripted into the Canadian Auxiliary Unit, a group of Protestant and sometimes even Fundamentalist Canadians who were welcoming the Americans with open arms. Joe saw little action beyond a few brief skirmishes with fleeing Royal troops, as the Americans didn't quite fully trust the Auxiliary Unit to follow orders well. Nevertheless, Joe's proficiency in combat was not unnoticed, earning himself the Pentagon Star, for courage under fire, and the Cross of Valor, as well as the Canadian Auxiliary Unit Award and the Keybeck Campaign Award at the end of hostilities. Joe routinely helped American troops in Trois-Rivieres (now named "Three Rivers") to round up Irish and other Inferiors, some of whom he knew personally. Much to his displeasure, General Martine was killed in the fighting for Quebec City, depriving him of any chance of righting his childhood wrong.

    After the smoke cleared and the Cleansing Month occurred, Joe was extremely worried his charade would be discovered. Several times, he had slipped and used an Irish expression or turn of phrase, which caused him to drown in his own sweat each time. But, thankfully, nobody had ever picked up on it. Or, if they did, they thought it just some odd ramblings from a Scottish-Canadian. When he slowly realized he was probably in the clear, he breathed a sigh of relief and moved far away from Three Rivers and up north to Hudson Bay, where the Hudson Bay Company's assets had been seized by Old Kinderhook. For a time, he busied himself working for O.K. as a financial advisor, with his war time service gifting him an excellent resume. He lied and had told the Americans that before the war he had been a financial officer for a local company, rather than essentially what amounted to a gangster and hired killer.

    Joe and Rose Oswald welcomed their first bouncing baby boy on July 20, 1915. Joseph Oswald Junior was a handsome young lad with an adventurous heart. He was also smart from birth, potentially a genius. Joe Sr. was proud of his boy, and knew that if he could forge a destiny for his family, Little Joey, as the kid was known, would be a worthy successor and heir. Rose, all the while, was plagued by survivor's guilt from the war and was horrified by American rule. Joe Sr. always swore up and down to her that this was the only way to live, and he downplayed his role in the Auxiliary Unit and his almost eager welcome of the new American overlords. In 1916, Joe Sr. officially joined the Manifest Destiny Party, something which quite upset Rose. Joe ditched his nice guy act and warned Rose that if she ever showed disloyalty or even a moment's hesitation in praising the name of the Union and President Steele, the entire family could be taken out behind a barn and shot. Joe used his baby boy as a means by which to control Rose.

    On one occasion, Rose told Joe she didn't want to see her children grow up in America, as Americans, ignorant of their real background and heritage. Joe grabbed her by the neck in the kitchen that morning and replied, "Do you want to see their festering corpses writhing with maggots? Do you want to be raped by ORRA men as they dump their bodies in a foot-deep trench? Is that what you want? If not, then keep your stories and your G**-damn feelings to yourself, woman!" Rose would never be the same after this. At the time, she was pregnant with their second child, Charles, and the nine months she carried Chuck were some of the most anxious and depressing of her life. On three occasions, she attempted suicide, but each time failing to fully follow-through. Joe was more concerned about the health of the infant than her's, as he was beginning to see her less as the love of his life and more as a potential downfall. Despite all the difficulties, Charles Alasdair Oswald was welcomed into the world on June 1, 1917, with doctors giving him a clean bill of health at birth. Alasdair was chosen as a middle name as it was a Scottish name meaning "warrior." Rose hated the name and viewed it as just one more example of Joe's treachery and abandonment of his own heritage and people. On August 1, 1918, Joe would become Cell Leader of his local branch of the Manifest Destiny Party. On September 19, 1918, Rose took her own life, ending her own misery by hanging herself in Charles's nursery after tucking the child in for the night. No note was found, and Joe had the body in the morgue within an hour after its discovery.

    If Joe was distraught at Rose's death, he never showed it. He acted as if he wasn't surprised in the least and quickly buried her at Our Savior Graveyard in Moose Factory, to little fanfare. He never had fully trusted Rose. Now, he was a free man. Not a soul alive knew about his ruse. He hired a nanny named Mary Wilson to take care of Joe Jr. and Charles while he continued to work his way up the ladder of success. Phoenix Oil, headquartered in Moose Factory, peeked his interest when it advertised that it was seeking Canadian-born businessmen to help run their ever-expanding operations. Wilbur Law had founded Law Oil in 1890 and was almost entirely Anglophone and Protestant from the start, and his treason during the war and backing of American occupation had secured him the favor of the Union government. Not only that, the Economic Clans were growing increasingly irked by the near-total monopoly on oil that Texas-based millionaire Rudolf Kuhn and his Pentagon Oil Company currently controlled. The clans actually up and offered control of 90% of Canada's oil supply to Law. American occupation officials transferred almost every old Canadian and Quebecois oil company's assets to Law, who then rebranded his company as Phoenix Oil, representing the rebirth of Canadian industry. Of interest is the fact that the Colonel Ford Company heavily supported Law, while Colonel Goodyear Enterprises backed Pentagon. This was another major defeat for Goodyear, whose years under Ichabod Goodyear saw it suffer great setbacks despite record-high profits during the Great World War.

    Oswald was gladly welcomed by Phoenix, and they put him in charge of several struggling oil refineries out west. After rapidly turning them around thanks to his harsh authoritarian streak and natural talent for organization, he returned to Thunder Bay, the state capital of Canada and home of Phoenix Oil's headquarters, to personally meet with CEO Wilbur Law. The two men instantly hit it off, chatting like old acquaintances and sharing stories of the Canadian wilderness. The main draw, though, was the fact that Wilbur, too, descended from a long line of proud Scotsmen. Law was also a rancher, and this in turn led to a discussion where Law proposed buying up most of the ranches in Canada. He thought the Economic Clans wouldn't protest, and many of the pre-war ranches still stood abandoned or running on a skeleton crew. Law liked Oswald and told him he would give him a chance to move on up. He was to go around the Great White North and buy every single ranch and farm he thought could turn a profit and form them into Law Meat and Dairy, a new subsidiary. By 1921, just a year into his project, non-oil related profits were never hire for the megacorporation. Old Kinderhook felt the heat, with fewer and fewer growth options for its Hudson Bay Company subsidiary, and it looked like it might even sell most of its assets to Law just to get out of the region and focus on growth elsewhere. O.K. ended up recovering from the setbacks, but Family Van Buren never forgot Oswald as the man who helped destroy their profit margins in the far north. Joe fell deathly ill in November of 1923, but somehow the tenacious businessman recovered. He would always blame his sudden sickness on a poisoning attempt from the Van Burens, and his subsequent survival on his "rip-roaring Pinnacle blood." Over the next several years, Oswald would remain with Phoenix while his two sons received private tutoring.

    However, all was not well back on the homestead. Joseph Jr. was excelling at all subjects and quickly coming into his own as a bright young mind. Charles, however, was proving to be weak-willed and somewhat of a wimp, but also sickly, suffering from intestinal problems and irregular seizures. In private, Joe Sr. worried that the poor health and suicide attempts from his wife during the pregnancy were to blame for his younger son's problems. He greatly feared that the Office of Health and Wellness's 1924 Fluidal Clarity Order would see young Charles sterilized in order to prevent him from ever bearing children with the same defects. Even worse, it could steer an investigation into the health and mental faculties of Joe Jr., as well. If he showed signs of defect, that could leave all his work for naught, with nary an heir to carry on the Oswald legacy. In fact, in early 1926, Joe Sr. contemplated having a lobotomy performed on young Charles to vegetate him and simply move him out of the picture and into a sanitarium. Instead, private doctors for Phoenix Oil performed extensive electroshock therapy on the boy, in line with Scientific Marxism as taught in every leading American medical school since the days of Henry Marx. Doctor's listed the treatment as a success, as the seizures stopped (although he might have simply outgrown them) and a new prescription medicine helped treat his stomach problems. Charles had been taken away from his father and his nanny Mary for months during the treatment, with not a single soul to keep him regular company.

    In between the torture sessions, Chuck would read comic books, one of the newest and most popular means of recreation in the Union. The most popular, and his own personal favorite, was Zap Zephyr: 21st Century Pinnacle Man. Zap was the embodiment of Anglo-Saxon Pinnacle vigor, exploring the cosmos with his hearty Zed-Force crew aboard the Spaceship Excelsior. Many of the villains of the Zap Zephyr series were hideous alien creatures without form or faces, and they were rip-offs of the Catholic Europan author Joseph Goebbels' Eldritch Saga short stories from the same time period. Chuck idolized Zap, and wanted to leave the sanitarium and explore whatever the universe had to offer. Elsewhere, a certain young man named Ryan Hendrick was also reading the Zap Zephyr pulps.

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    An early issue of Zap Zephyr

    While Chuck suffered in his own personal quackery hell, Joe Jr. was the apple of their father's eye. Never even troubled with so much as the sniffles, the proud Custer Youth would eventually become an All-American, earning all 77 possible merit awards by age 16 in 1931. When Charles was returned home from "therapy" in 1927, age 10, he was a sad and desperate child, wanting nothing more than his father's approval. In the 1940s, Charles would tell his future wife that:

    "When I got back to Thunder Bay with my papers showing I no longer was showing signs of genetic abnormality, I expected my pop to welcome me home with open arms. After all, that had been what he wanted -- for me to be normal! I figured, in my brash foolishness, I finally had made him proud by overcoming my sicknesses as a true Pinnacle Man. Instead... instead he had practically forgotten me. Joey was the pride of his life, the apple of his eye, and he barely seemed to notice my return. Sure, he posed for pictures with me for the first time in years and he made sure I was taken care of, but Joey was always in the picture too. Often Joey was in his full CYB All-American uniform, something which I had had no chance to earn myself. It wasn't my fault I was born the way I was, but looking at my pop, you wouldn't know it."

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    Joseph Oswald with Joey and Chuck, circa 1930

    Finally, in 1930, Joe Sr. finally started to "work" with Charles on "how to be more manly." Now that he was no longer sickly, he would rake him over the coals every day for his inadequacy. Every situation always went back to how much better Joey was than him. How he was a huge disappointment. His father finally was being honest. The former Quebecois Royal stable boy and floorsweep had built himself a legacy and only the strongest would inherit the wealth he had stowed away by the million. To toughen him up, he would have Charles run miles at a time in sweltering heat or bitter cold, with inadequate water. He would teach him fisticuffs, the predominant sport at Yankee colleges. He taught him rounders, hoping to maybe discover a bit of his own self in the boy, but was sorely disappointed when Chuck could barely even hit the ball. Even Joey was terrible at rounders, something which deeply annoyed the normally-proud father to no end. In the early 30s, Chuck would finally begin catching up in the CYB, but it was yet another situation where his brother had excelled early-on, so it wasn't exciting--or even a surprise--that he should do it too. It was expected.

    The months upon months of use and abuse finally took its toll on Chuck's fragile mind. He began to absolutely hate and despise his brother, viewing him as a bitter enemy who took his father away from him. No matter what he did he would always be second-fiddle to Joey. In 1934, just a few days before his 16th birthday, Chuck asked his brother to join him on a hunting trip up in the Hudson Bay area. Chuck told Joey he wanted to bag his first moose and have it stuffed for their father's mantle. He brought with him a .308 Colonel Pierce Safari repeater, hand-engraved with the Phoenix Oil logo on its bright brass receiver. It was the only present his father had ever given him that he had any attachment to. On February 20, 1934, a shot rang out about 50 miles outside of Moose Factory. Charles came back home to Thunder Bay alone. In 1936, he would officially join the Manifest Destiny Party and would begin attending good old Benedict Arnold University of Boston, where he would purposely develop his signature accent to hide his Canadian birth and where he would meet several life-long associates. He wondered if his father knew he had shot Joey, or if he believed the avalanche story that the press printed. If he did think Chuck killed him, it would just prove once and for all who was truly the stronger child. With his father's fortune in his future, nothing could stop him now.

    Chuck felt a pain in his back one morning after a run on campus.

    "Oh well," he thought. "I should probably stretch more before hauling ass like this." He popped some pain medicine and ate some clam chowder before laying down for a nap to sleep the aches away. Later that evening, college medical staff would rush him out on a stretcher....
     
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    FISTS OF FURY: THE SWEET SCIENCE OF THE PINNACLE SPORT

  • FISTS OF FURY:
    THE SWEET SCIENCE OF THE PINNACLE SPORT

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    The 1880 match between Scotty Kaiser and Lewis Flagg
    Going all the way back to the 17th century, prize fighting was a common underground activity in England. In the early 1700s, James Figg, of Oxfordshire, became the first recognized boxing champion, and his memory would be dug up by the Republican Union centuries later, with Yankee history books calling the bald-headed macho man "The Father of Fisticuffs." Jack Broughton would follow soon after Figg, developing and codifying official rules. The rules would govern the sport for the next century and change. In 1810, Virginian slave Tom Molineaux earned his way to freedom by brawling the plantation owner's son. Molineaux then moved to Pennsylvania and joined the Pugilist Society of Pittsburgh, dominating for the next ten years and helping to establish the Pugilist Society Playbook, which replaced Broughton's ancient rules. Molineaux was killed in 1812, during the British invasion, while defending his home from rampaging Canadian soldiers.

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    James Figg, the Father of Fisticuffs

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    Tom Molineaux (left) squaring off against an opponent (circa 1811)

    In the Southron nations, fist fights most often devolved into chaotic wrestling, simply called "gouging." Combatants would tackle, kick, bite, and scratch each other into an early grave, even ripping eyeballs out. To the gentlemen clubs of New England, the gougers were viewed as uncultured savages. Most Union states banned gouging as "disturbance of the peace and morally bereft of sportsmanlike value," although it continued in some states like Redemption and Oregon for some time. In 1850, Mark Fleetwood of Boston would finally develop fisticuffs into its modern form when he put pen to paper and crafted the Fleetwood Rules. Fleetwood was a student at Benedict Arnold University of Boston and an avid pugilist, defeating men twice his size regularly by using what he called "the science and art of fighting." He was an absolutely bizarre man in many ways, known for his wearing of outdated colonial-style knee-breeches and tricornered hats, as well as his habit of using what he called "coca lozenges" before fights to give himself extra energy. Despite only weighing 140, in 1848 Fleetwood had managed to topple Douglas Fischer, the 230-pound reigning champion of Boston, using his energy and quick fists to exhaust the hulking beast in a three hour brawl for the ages. The fight became legendary in Boston history, and in 1903 a statue of Fleetwood was erected in front of the B.A.U.B. Ampitheatre where the brawl took place. When his Fleetwood Rules became widely adopted across the nation in the coming decades, many fighters took to also wearing knee-breeches as a tribute to the legendary Bostonian, which would evolve into the trunks of the 20th century. His usage of cocaine also helped popularize it with Americans, a new market which would later be tapped by Sweet Victory and Go-Go Pep. He also later popularized cushioned gloves to protect the hands. Fleetwood would die, ironically, by losing the luck of the draw in a pistol duel with a rival lover of his lady dearest, Magnolia Flowers.

    Although duels still occurred from time-to-time, most disputes by the latter half of the 19th century were settled either by having a "Fleetwood fight" or by paying representatives to fight on the contestant's behalf. American ideals of manliness and honor meant that no challenge should go unanswered. In 1880, Lewis Flagg of Yale University posted an ad in newspapers all over New England claiming that he would prove Yale to be the grandest of the Ivy League schools by personally fighting for its honor against all comers. Most of all, he wanted to take the wind out of Boston's sails by taking the Fleetwood Belt, a prize for the greatest fighter at Arnold U., never intended to leave the campus. Naturally, this incensed B.A.U.B., who immediately agreed to the fight and vowed that the title would never leave its hallowed halls. Fleetwood Ampitheatre won a coin flip to host the event, and Boston students made Flagg's ride through town pure hell, roaring the school fight song, waving pennants, and cursing the name of Yale. In turn, mobs of Yale Connecticuters pored into town, Republica beer crates in tow, and "absolutely partied the town down." Boston RUMP officers were forced to utilize testudo formations with wooden shields to keep the rival students from tearing each other to ribbons. Small arms fire and fireworks lit up the sky for the "match of the decade."

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    - OLD B.A.U.B. -

    Heart of old patriot town,
    Thru the ages extend the renown!
    Past and present join in the song,
    Thy praises to prolong.
    Afar shines thy clear Beacon light,
    Ever guiding to truth and right.
    Benedict Arnold University,
    Be thy fair dominion long.

    (CHORUS)
    Join we all in loving praise,
    Sing her triumph clear.
    Honor the name of enduring fame,
    With rev'rent lays.
    Sound afar her glory true,
    Hail with cheer on cheer!
    Hail, oh hail, Old B.A.U.B....

    Laud we thy Puritan birth;
    And do tribute to thy sterling worth.
    True to thee thy every son,
    Chanting "Novus Ordo Seclorum!"
    Our laurels we bring to thy shrine,
    All our life's full attainment is thine.
    Old Arnold, we will turn to thee,
    Wherever our course will run.

    Defending the crown for Boston was the respected Scotty Kaiser. The son of German immigrants, his grandfather had been a famous fighter in the early 19th century in Prussia and his father had been a fighter at B.A.U.B. during the time of Fleetwood's reign. Now, Scotty was defending not only the legacy of his school, but also of his family. He could not lose. The Fleetwood Belt wasn't some trophy meant to travel the country, it was a sacred relic of his school and a symbol for everyone at the university. In preparation for the coming brawl, Kaiser had chewed on coca leaves, grown by Abernathy Farms in Lewisiana, and had pumped himself up to the point his heart felt like it was going to explode. He was a raging beast, and when he marched to the ring to the tune of "Old B.A.U.B," he felt like a million bucks. The swagger in his steps revealed a strong confidence of a man about to win honor for his university and name. Meanwhile, Flagg was no lump of dough either. The 6 foot 3 blonde giant was a rampaging monster of a man, ready to destroy anything before him. When the two met in the middle of the ring with the umpire to agree to follow the Mark Fleetwood Rules, the two men gazed at each other with intense hatred, knowing everything was on the line. They could not fall. This was war. Primal urges overtook them, and the only thing that was on their minds was utterly destroying and dismantling each other before the murder of crows that was the packs and packs of onlookers.

    What followed might not have been nearly as long as the famous Fleetwood-Fischer battle, but it would forever take its place in the history of the game. The first round was dominated by Kaiser, bobbing and weaving frantically before landing lightning fast punches directly on the mouth and eyes of Flagg, who moved slowly and seemed less confident now that the fight was truly on. Round two was much of the same, consisting of five minutes of Kaiser darting about and constantly landing punches on the giant before him. By round three, Flagg finally made his move, punching Kaiser squarely on the right ear, sending the smaller man lurching to one side, seeing stars. He followed it up by landing a blow right above Kaiser's kidney. The young man went down to the floor for a few seconds before picking himself up and getting back in the fight. Things were rapidly going downhill for Kaiser after this point; the body blow had been barely legal, and the pain was almost crippling. Little did he know that the punch was more direct than any realized. Kaiser's kidney was now ruptured. For two more rounds Kaiser valiantly kept fighting on despite incredible amounts of pain. He would go down three more times, each time rising to continue the fight. Both men's faces were swollen and bruised, but Kaiser had had a concussion before and was realizing it was happening again. In the fifth round, Flagg went down hard from a frantic burst of cocaine energy from Kaiser, only barely getting up again.

    The legendary fight would end in the sixth round. Kaiser, barely able to stand by the round's start and suffering from massive internal damage and bleeding, knew something was very wrong. But he thought if he kept pushing one more round, Flagg might go down again. Flagg could barely even see out of his eyes from swelling at this point, and he was making more mistakes. One more round. Just one more. For Boston. For Old B.A.U.B., Kaiser staggered back to his feet and advanced. Ten seconds later, a crushing blow to his side caused him to spew blood out of his mouth and into the crowd. As the umpire counted down, he realized Kaiser was really in a bad way and might be dying. More blood was pouring out of his mouth. It was not the dainty red of a busted lip, but the black syrup only internal damage can cause. He called for the doctors sitting nearby to jump in the ring and examine the young fighter. Flagg, meanwhile, went to sit back in his corner, stumbling and dragging. He didn't realize it yet, but he had just killed a man.

    Kaiser died before they could even move his body properly off the mat. Tempers in the ampitheatre flared and crowds of onlookers picked up their chairs and seats and began hurling them at students and faculty from the opposing school. Mayhem and violence was the rule of the day as Flagg swiped up the Fleetwood Belt and made a hasty exit. As news of Kaiser's death swept Boston, the true rioting began. Mounted police already had expected violence either way and were prepared, thankfully, and began to charge the students with nets, sweeping them off their feet so foot squads could close in for the arrest.

    The Great Fisticuffs Riot of 1880 was one of the most devastating and deadly secular, non-race related riots in Union history. Over twenty young men were killed in the scuffles, and well over 670 received major injuries. Acme Ashton, a Yale graduate who would go on to lead Lincoln's Hammer in the Great World War, was present for the riot, receiving a nasty gash on the back of his head that would leave a scar for the rest of his life. While the government demanded both school denounce all violence related to the fight, both schools would never forget. The most bitter college rivalry in American history began. The Fleetwood Belt was kept in a glass display case during daytime hours at the Preston K. Spears Gymnasium, and Boston would never rest until the Belt was returned.

    This epic struggle would resume the following year when B.A.U.B.'s own Winfield Payne, an incredible Adonis of physical fitness and pure bodily fluids, challenged Flagg for the title. The two schools, eager to prevent another riot, swore to contain their revelry under pain of government sanctions and decreased funding. Payne ripped the Fleetwood Belt away after three rounds of destruction, demolishing Flagg and triumphantly returning the belt to the Fleetwood Ampitheatre. The display case in Preston K. Spears Gymnasium would sit empty for the next 12 years, which Yale alumni referred to as the "Period of Indignity." Finally, in 1893, Merlin Mitchum returned the belt to Yale, defeating Boston's Benedict Carlson in six rounds.

    Around the same time, another similar championship was gaining popularity in the midwest. Lincolnburg, Iowai's President Lincoln University had been hosting neighboring colleges to a "Fisticuffs Festival League." While P.L.U. dominated at first, the belt eventually traveled around the Midwest and even out to the Pacific as other schools built up their fighting programs. Most surprisingly was the domination of the F.F.L. by Sanctify University, out of Sanctify (formerly known as Grand Rapids), Chersonesus, where an impressive sports program developed some all-time greats in the 1890s. Nearby Kalamazoo University also saw a two-time champ in Fatty Stevens in 1896-97. It eventually formally created the Midwest Fisticuffs League in 1898. In the Old South, the Waxahachie Bible Institute, of all places, formed a "Southron Gentleman's League," with its trophy frequently being dubbed "The Bible Belt." Wilhelm "Wild Bill" Strasser was the absolute titan for several years, until he was unseated in 1901 by Christopher Dawkins of Lewisiana State University. Down in former Mexico, which was still being built up over time, most colleges weren't participating in boxing programs until the 1920s, when the New Canaan Title Circuit was founded by Metropolis, New Canaan. After the Great War and the subsequent purges of Canada and Quebec, Canadian colleges usually participated in the Fisticuffs Festival League while George Washington Memorial University of Keybeck City, Keybeck, joined the original Ivy League. The gradual evolution of the boxing title leagues eventually gave way to regional divisions for colleges that would last forever. In the future, a golfer from President Lincoln University, for instance, who was in a tournament would still be golfing against opponents from the Midwest Fisticuffs League. In the Republican Union, tradition dies hard.

    By the 1920s, B.A.U.B. was again dominating the Ivy League, with pugilists like Sprague Uppencamp, the so-called Boston Bomb, and Anthony Sinclair. The two brutes would hold the Fleetwood Belt every year of the decade except 1923, when Uppencamp lost his three-year crown to Ebenezer Cranston of Monongahela State University, and 1926-27, when a lackluster team lost to Yale once more and then Yale lost to Harvard, before Sinclair returned the belt to Fleetwood Ampitheatre in 1928 to much jubilation. While the Ivy League maintained by far the largest fanbase in America, the other leagues weren't far behind. Greats such the three-time Bible Belt champion Martin Luther Weaver of the Elyton Institute and Willy Wooten of Goodyear University of Shicagwa would find their pictures and posters festooned to the walls of gymnasiums and young boys' bedrooms the nation over. Interestingly, an attempt was made for female boxing leagues, with Athalia Winslow of West Florida University being of particular note in the mid-20s. However, most of the women's programs were phased out in favor of fencing leagues, which were considered more appropriate.

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    Willy Wooten of G.U.S.


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    Ebenezer Cranston of Monongahela State

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    Martin Luther Weaver of the Elyton Institute

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    Sprague Uppencamp of B.A.U.B.
    "The Boston Bomb"

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    Athalia Winslow of West Florida U.


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    B.A.U.B. teammates train circa 1925

    - THE IVY LEAGUE -
    • Benedict Arnold University of Boston (Boston, Massachusetts)
    • Yale University (New Haven, Connecticut)
    • Dartmouth College (Hannover, New Hampshire)
    • Longwood University (Ithaca, New York)
    • Brown University (Providence, Rhode Island)
    • Morningside University (formerly Columbia University) (of Morningside Heights, New York)
    • Benjamin Franklin Memorial University (formerly Pennsylvania University before 1890) (Philadelphia, Pennsyvlania)
    • Monongahela State University (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
    • Halifax Technical Institute (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
    • Prophetstown State University (Prophetstown, Burrland)
    • University of Ontario (Toronto, Ontario)
    • University of Delaware (Newark, Delaware)
    • Rutgers University (New Brunswick, New Jersey)
    • George Washington Memorial University (Keybeck City, Keybeck)
    • Princeton University (Princeton, New Jersey)
    - THE MIDWEST FISTICUFFS LEAGUE -
    • President Lincoln University (Lincolnburg, Iowai)
    • Sanctify University (Sanctify, Chersonesus)
    • Kalamazoo University (Kalamazoo, Chersonesus)
    • Crawford City University (Crawford, Chersonesus) (later renamed to Colonel Ford Memorial University in 1940)
    • Goodyear University of Shicagwa (Shicagwa, Iowai)
    • Centralia State College (Centralia, Iowai)
    • Michigania State University (Milwaukee, Michigania)
    • Fort Pike College (Fort Pike, Michigania)
    • Beacon Institute (Oshkosh, Michigania)
    • Pinnacleus University (Cincinnati, Ohio)
    • Ohio State University (Sandusky, Ohio)
    • Praise City College (Praise, Dakota)
    • Bluff City College (Bluff, Redemption)
    • Kessler University (Shoshoni Falls, Oregon)
    • Gibson Bible College (Barnumsburg, Oregon)
    • Appalachian Bible Institute (Frankfort, Appalachia
    • Virginia University (Elizabethstown, Virginia
    • College of Burr and Miles (formerly College of William and Mary) (Williamsburg, Virginia)
    • Meriwether Lewis Memorial University (Lewis City, Osage)
    - THE SOUTHRON GENTLEMAN'S LEAGUE -
    • Waxahachie Bible Institute (Waxhachie, Texas)
    • Trinity Institute (Trinity City, Texas)
    • Custer City University (Custer City, Texas)
    • Norris Junction College (Anthem, Texas)
    • Texas State Technical School (Galveston, Texas)
    • Mississippi State Institute (Tulsa, Mississippi)
    • Mississippi State Institute for Higher Learning (Dayton, Mississippi)
    • Cottonmouth Springs University (Cottonmouth Springs, Lewisiana)
    • Lewisiana State University (New Antioch, Lewisiana)
    • Lewisiana Fundamentalist Institute (McClellan, Lewisiana)
    • Revere State University (Magnolia, Revere)
    • Elyton Institute (Elyton, Revere)
    • West Florida Institute (Mobile, Florida)
    • Union City University (Union City, Florida)
    • Nassau Institute (Nassau, Bahamas)
    • University of Georgia (Athens, Georgia)
    • Rosenberg Technical Institute (Atlanta, Georgia)
    • Salvation Springs College (Salvation Springs, Lewisland)
    - THE METROPOLIS TITLE CIRCUIT -
    • Benedict Arnold University of Metropolis (Metropolis, New Canaan)
    • Hermansburg City College (Hermansburg, Brown)
    • God's Glory Bible Institute (Emancipation City, Brown)
    • Valley City College (Valley City, Arnold)
    • New Oxford University (New Oxford, Oxacre)
    • Sweetwater College (Sweetwater, Oxacre)
    • Anthony Wayne Memorial University (Waynestown, Grand Panama)
    • Jamaica College (Kingston, Jamaica)
    • Jordan Technical Institute (Haven City, Cuba)
     
    Last edited:
    A STRANGE TRIP: PROJECT PERCIVAL
  • A STRANGE TRIP:
    PROJECT PERCIVAL
    scientist.jpg

    Dr. Adonijah Blaustein, Father of LSD

    Adonijah Blaustein was born on September 10, 1898, in the town of Kalamazoo, Chersonesus, to Adoniram Blaustein and his wife Mary Smithfield. Adoniram was a German-speaking immigrant from Schleswig-Holstein, and he came with his parents in the 1880s waves of Germans to Chersonesus. His original name was Reinhardt, but he changed it to Adoniram (meaning "my Lord is exalted" in Hebrew) upon his conversion to American Fundamentalism as a child. This was why he named his son "Adonijah," meaning "My Lord is Yahweh." Adoniram was a career beer-brewer, selling his small-batch brand, "Black Eagle," to local taverns and bars. While they were by no means wealthy, the Blaustein's could afford to send their smart young son to college at Kalamazoo University.

    When the 18 year-old Adonijah arrived at K.U. in the fall of 1916, the shadow of the Great War was still heavy. Millions of men just a year or two older than him had perished in far-off trenches. Adonijah had just barely missed out on the fighting. It had been mere luck that his position in the Custer Youth Brigade gave him a job sorting mail in Kalamazoo instead of going to carry messages or beat drums on the front lines of Quebec or California. Adonijah was excited to finally be attending college, and quickly turned his hobby of chemistry sets into his major. By 1925, he was so far advanced that he was made the youngest chemistry professor in the history of the Midwest collegial region. He was known for his very hands-on approach with his students, preferring to do live experiments rather than teach wholly out of books. His approach was sometimes reckless, to say the least, and he was nearly fired multiple times for accidentally starting fires in the chemistry room of the University's famous Jones Tower.

    Kalamazoo University was by no means a massive college compared to some, especially those back east in the Ivy League, but it was a well-respected establishment. Founded by Daniel Sherwood in 1888, the college had rapidly grown with the town as the paper industry boomed. So popular was Kalamazoo paper, in fact, that the President's official stationary was manufactured by Casey Paper Products just about a mile from campus. But the pharmaceutical industry was also taking off, with Peterson Pills setting up nearby. This was exciting to Adonijah, who immediately sought out side-work from Peterson. In return for modern laboratory equipment and supplies the young professor agreed to work for free on inventing new active ingredients for medical purposes. This business deal would prove quite fateful, as Professor Blaustein would invent one of the most powerful hallucinogenics completely by accident.

    Blaustein was testing out several unknown compounds for medicinal properties when a microscopic amount was absorbed through his fingers. Before long, he reported to Peterson bosses that:

    "I have seen a swirling vortex of colors, like nothing you could imagine, and I went on a very pleasant ride through the winding hills and valleys of my mind. After about two hours the feelings left me, but I dare say that this experience was like living in a dream. I shall ingest a greater amount of this drug in short order to report any beneficial side-effects."

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    Fred Merkwürdigliebe, Chief Counselor of Camp 222

    Despite happily volunteering to take more of this unknown drug, Peterson Pills told him that he was too valuable to the company to accidentally overdose himself. Instead, they said, they would acquire a test subject on which Blaustein would be welcome to experiment on. This was where Midas Goldstein's infamous Camp 222 came into the picture. Camp 222, just south of Crawford, Chersonesus, had begun as a labor camp for political dissidents and Inferiors in the 1870s. During the Great War, it had been the locale from which the Black Jew and his English chum tested the vaccine cure for the Beckie Flu, as well as the poison which killed millions of Inferiors during the Cleansing Month. Fred Merkwürdigliebe was now officially in charge of Camp 222 as Goldstein had assumed his position as Supreme Chief of the Office of Health and Wellness after Steele came to power. Merkwürdigliebe received a letter from Peterson Pills asking for a healthy Inferior to be provided for the purpose of medical tests. Many pharmaceutical companies used inmates as lab rats, with the Medical Testing Law of 1917 declaring prisoners of the state could be legally used for medical tests at no charge. The 1917 law also said, however, that a slight increase in taxes for the pharmaceutical companies would more than pay for the cost of prisoner transport and the needed guards.

    ***

    When Matthias O'Hara arrived at the Jones Tower at Kalamazoo University, he must have pissed himself in fear. He was not told where he was going or why, but going to a science lab probably made him more than just a bit squeamish. At each side he had khaki-uniformed camp counselors (the term used for camp guards by the government), wearing their distinctive white envelope hats with "222" pins on one side. O'Hara had been taken to the camp in a white Rollarite armored truck, chained to the floorboards. Now he was in legcuffs and handcuffs, which enabled him to just barely waddle along, and his simple pair of green socks didn't make it any more comfortable. The counselors shoved and pushed him to go faster, expecting him to somehow match the strides of their knee-high lace-up cordovan boots. A cold sweat ran down his face as they marched him to Dr. Blaustein's laboratory. When they arrived, they strapped him to a steel-trimmed, sterile-looking gurney. He knew better than to ask questions. He knew better than to resist. If you resisted at Camp 222, Merkwürdigliebe would have you shot in front of a brick wall. O'Hara had seen it happen to his own brother. No, as he laid on the gurney awaiting whatever cruel fate his Better masters had in store for him, he simply accepted it. He mumbled a Hail Mary under his breath as he stared at the lamp pointed directly at his face. It wasn't on yet, but it looked like it would be very bright.

    He wasn't far off with that thought, as the lamp suddenly switched on and a scientist a little on the younger side began to look him over. The scientist was a bit on the younger side of things and he seemed more than a little strange, muttering to himself as he pulled over a rolling cart with various implements on it. He readied a tiny piece of paper, about a centimeter in diameter. "All right, 9045," the scientist began, using O'Hara's inmate number rather than his actual name--did he even know his real name? "Please open your mouth."

    Reluctantly, he did as Blaustein ordered. He didn't know what was coming, but he expected death. The counselors remained nearby, fidgeting with their billy clubs and smoking some Morton's Finest. As soon as O'Hara opened up, the scientist dropped the paper into his mouth. It had no taste, other than the typical taste of paper. As he waited to see what was going on, O'Hara watched Blaustein step away and turn to a nearby assistant, a perky-looking girl of about 20 years of age wearing a white knee-length button-up dress.

    "What next, Doctor Blaustein?" she asked, craning her neck from the metal stool she sat on, trying to get a better look at O'Hara.

    Dr. Blaustein accepted a Morton from one of the counselors and motioned for the assistant to light it up for him. After he blew a smoke ring or two and let out a loud cough, he told the nurse in his rather dry, uninteresting voice, "Well, Miss Stanpipe, we simply must wait for the lysergic acid diethylamide to kick into effect. It sometimes takes a little while, from my experience. But I gave that sod over there 300 micrograms of the stuff, which is far more than I gave myself, so I expect the effects will kick in sooner rather than later. Peterson has promised me replacement test subjects if anything goes awry, so I figured there was no danger drastically increasing dosage."

    For the next few minutes everyone waited. The guards finished their cigarettes and busted out a deck of cards. Blaustein and Stanpipe would come over periodically and shine a bright light in O'Hara's eyes and then they would follow it up by checking his vital signs. The Irishman just laid there, wondering if he was going to die. He stared at the wooden clock on the wall, its pendulum swinging back and forth, the seconds ticking by. While he was watching it, the pendulum began to look almost unreal, as if it were contorting itself with every swing, then becoming almost fluid. The hideous wallpaper that covered the lab was a sort of olive green striping on a white background, which now began to peel off of the walls and dance about in mad spirals and unnatural, noneuclidean geometric patterns. As Blaustein and Stanpipe again approached the gurney, their faces were twisted into horrific cartoon characters. Blaustein appeared as an almost elephantine creature, his face gray and wrinkled, his eyes black, and his skin looking leathery and diseased. Miss Stanpipe looked like some sort of creature entirely alien to earth, her skin almost translucent and with her eyes glowing like coals. O'Hara frantically looked over at the counselors, still sitting there playing their card game. Every time one of them placed a card on the cheap pine table the wood seemed to ripple like rolling waves and the cards themselves began to drip off of the table. The guards faces became like flesh-colored gargoyles, menacing and primal, their laughter sending chills through his body as they howled over some joke he couldn't hear, their tongues lolling out like drunken demons. The hum of the lab equipment was almost deafening now, too, and the medical lamps seemed to be brighter than the sun. O'Hara screamed like had never screamed before.

    ***

    With his inmate test, Blaustein had shown LSD to be a very potent hallucinogen with apparently non-addictive qualities, but Peterson Pills said they had no use for such a compound. It, of course, was not long before the government stepped in, curious as to whether this new drug could be useful for less-than-Hippocratic purposes. Fred Merkwürdigliebe ordered Blaustein show his scientists at Camp 222 how to make the drug in exchange for a reward of 1 million dollars, a princely sum in its day. Merkwürdigliebe believed steady administration of LSD could unlock a person's mind and enable total and complete control and brainwashing. This could have uses with everything from planting spies directly inside enemy nations or simply during law enforcement interrogations. Blaustein now saw it as his life's work, and quit his jobs at Kalamazoo University and with Peterson Pills to work full-time at Camp 222, which he liked to refer to as the "wretched hive of scum and villainy." He worked side-by-side with Merkwürdigliebe and his men to continue testing the drug. They tested on everything from the elderly to young children, carefully observing and writing everything down in detail, slowly figuring out the drug's uses.

    In 1928, President Steele himself inspected Camp 222 and was informed about LSD's potential. George Patton, newly-appointed Supreme Chief of ORRA following the 1927 death of George Dewey at 90, was eager to see experiments progress. During a meeting at "Solomon's Temple," Goldstein's old personal headquarters in Camp 222, Patton told Steele that he believed the government should begin creating a stockpile of LSD for future uses. He claimed, with the power of this new psychedelic, that total mind control was possible and could potentially change military intelligence forever, saying at the meeting that, "America cannot afford a drug gap with her enemies." Steele was unsure of its true capabilities, but Patton was one of the only men he truly seemed to trust, so he green-lit the operation. Patton, still rolling around in his wheelchair, fought the OHW and Merkwürdigliebe to have Blaustein come work for ORRA, but eventually, Steele stepped in and ordered OHW to allow the move. OHW could still use Blaustein's formula to continue its own manufacture of LSD, but Blaustein's keen mind and future formulas would be property of ORRA.

    Patton created Project Percival, named after 18th century English doctor Thomas Percival (ironically also the author of a book called Medical Ethics) to further experiment with the uses of LSD. He brought in many leading scientists in the country to work on Project Percival, such as Gilgamesh Singleton, Harvey Stein, Roy Williams, and Slim Woods. Fort McClellan, a massive facility outside of Trinity City, Texas, that had been an armaments depot in the Great World War, was remodeled and retrofitted for medical purposes. Good-quality free housing for all the required staff was erected nearby. Every room was bugged with listening devices and large patrols of ORRA officers in armored cars and twelve foot-tall barb-wire fences helped keep away any who got curious as to the base's second life. Supreme Chief Patton himself maintained a residency there where he would come every two months to monitor the situation.

    One list, called the "Project Percival Mission Statement" by many historians, shows the ambition of Patton and ORRA and what exactly they were looking for.

    PROJECT PERCIVAL MISSION STATEMENT:
    • Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public.
    • Substances which increase the efficiency of mentation and perception.
    • Materials which will cause the victim to age faster/slower in maturity.
    • Materials which will promote the intoxicating effect of alcohol.
    • Materials which will produce the signs and symptoms of recognized diseases in a reversible way so they may be used for malingering, etc.
    • Materials which will cause temporary/permanent brain damage and loss of memory.
    • Materials which can aid in forcing individuals to adopt new personas and think these personas are their real life.
    • Substances which will enhance the ability of individuals to withstand privation, torture, and coercion during interrogation and so-called "brain-washing".
    • Materials and physical methods which will produce amnesia for events preceding and during their use.
    • Physical methods of producing shock and confusion over extended periods of time and capable of surreptitious use.
    • Substances which produce physical disablement such as paralysis of the legs, acute anemia, etc.
    • Substances which will produce a chemical that can cause blisters.
    • Substances which alter personality structure in such a way the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced.
    • A material which will cause mental confusion of such a type the individual under its influence will find it difficult to maintain a fabrication under questioning.
    • Substances which will lower the ambition and general working efficiency of men when administered in undetectable amounts.
    • Substances which promote weakness or distortion of the eyesight or hearing faculties, preferably without permanent effects.
    • A knockout pill which can be surreptitiously administered in drinks, food, cigarettes, as an aerosol, etc., which will be safe to use, provide a maximum of amnesia, and be suitable for use by agent types on an ad hoc basis.
    • A material which can be surreptitiously administered by the above routes and which, in very small amounts, will make it impossible for a person to perform physical activity.
    scientists-to-defend-scopes-underwood--underwood.jpg

    "The Big Six" of Project Percival
    Top Row, from left: Dr. Harvey Stein, Dr. Enoch Casey, Dr. Slim Woods
    Bottom row, from right: Dr. Festus Mueller, Dr. Gilgamesh Singleton, Dr. Gabriel Snow
    Photo taken by Dr. Elijah Johnson

    The first main experiments were on a small-scale. They would be given LSD and then were asked to do specific tasks, sometimes very much something they would never do. One Inferior prisoner was asked to chop off his own left ring finger and eat it. The subject, Inmate 2088 (an alleged child rapist) gladly did so with a razor-sharp meat-cleaver and picked his own finger clean to the bone, blood gushing out of his injured hand the whole time. Other experiments were not quite so stomach-churning, with many scientist simply trying to convince their subjects that they were somebody who they were not. One inmate, 1232, a red-haired Irishman, was made to believe he was a Presbyterian minister named Henry Jenkins, and that he had fought in the Great World War in Quebec. Gilgamesh Singleton was in charge of this particular scenario, and he did not stop there. By administering precise doses of LSD for 55 days straight, Singleton actually made 1232 experience shell-shock and frequent flashbacks to a war he had never even seen, complete with recollections of fallen comrades and even local landmarks in Quebec. The inmate the began to believe that the toll the war had taken on him was the reason he was in Fort McClellan, having no recollection of his actual Inferior Irish life. This was a major breakthrough. On the 56th day of LSD, 1232 killed himself by smashing his head against a wall until he hemorrhaged. Singleton was saddened he couldn't continue the experiment with him, but he quickly moved on to other subjects.

    By the 1930s, Project Percival was a mammoth operation controlling thousands of experiments all over the country and it had developed many other mind-altering drugs alongside LSD. Even Union troops were not immune to testing, with occasional unannounced medical experiments and the unexpected spiking of the barracks water cooler. ORRA agents tested drugs out on themselves to have a good time or they would sneak it into their cubicle-mate's coffee in the morning and then they would observe and catalog the subsequent results. Patton had to hand down a memo in 1932 to address this problem:

    To all personnel and staff at Fort McClellan and in every branch of Project Percival across our glorious Republic: It has come to my attention that certain staff have been carrying on unannounced tests and experiments on their fellow patriot-comrades with mind-altering drugs and hallucinogens. This needs to stop, and it needs to stop right now. Henceforth, the punishment for such feckless and childish pranks shall be twenty lashes and a salary cut. Last Tuesday, an ORRA officer by the name of *redacted* was subjected to an "office prank" by his comrades, who placed over 600 micrograms of lysergic acid diethylamide into his coffee, making him think his typewriter was trying to kill him and that he himself was turning into a chair. Officer *redacted* then flung himself out of a five-story window, resulting in the cessation of life. No poor bastard ever won a war by being forced to kill himself for the amusement of his coworkers. This is completely unacceptable in the Office of Racial and Religious Affairs and for whosoever is contractually obliged to work for us. You have Inferiors for testing. Quit playing games or the quartermaster will be obliged to take the cat out of the bag. This is my only warning.

    - His Excellency,
    Supreme Chief George Patton
    Office of Racial and Religious Affairs


    patton2.jpg

    Supreme Chief Patton

    Many other drugs would be developed by Project Percival during this heyday of research, such as mescaline, a refined peyote-based drug which saw immediate popularity with the Council of Jehovah. ORRA saw few uses for the drug and so gladly sold the rights to Peterson Pills, who began to market it on the shelves as Dr. Pete's WonderPowder. By 1933, the bitter tasting WonderPowder was being marketed as Dr. Pete's WonderPills, with the powder enclosed in capsules to avoid tongue-contact. WonderPills were wildly popular with "armchair spiritualists," who wished to emulate the Council of Jehovah as they toyed with their spirit boards. Musicians also enjoyed WonderPills frequently, especially in the booming jazz industry.

    Another drug--this one invented by Harvey Stein as part of Project Pervical--was methamphetamine. Methamphetamine was developed as a way for Yankee troops to avoid sleep altogether and to be able to fight at any second and take the fight to the enemy with almost supernatural speed and vigor. The initial tests, such as during the 1930 Texas-New Canaan Wargames, were wildly successful, with Patton telling President Steele that the Union was capable of waging "lightning war" upon its enemies. This came during a time of economic decline and increased tensions with the South American Neutrality Pact and the Eduist menace of Brazil, so Steele looked favorably upon the use of meth to propel any possible future assault. There were many tests that showed that meth was highly-addicting, but these results were swept under the rug and troops were told it was very safe. When rumors spread of its addictive nature, they "reformulated" meth into what they called Boogie, which was sold over the counter by New Antioch Pharma beginning in 1932. The target civilian demographic for Boogie were over-the-road truck drivers, ambulance drivers, and industrial workers. Boogie was fairly affordable and could be bought for about the same price, in pill form, as five rolls of Sweet Victory brand Go-Go Pep Candied Lozenges, but they were marketed with the catchphrase, "Boogie keeps you hoppin' all day long and into the night!" Over time, as the negative effects of Boogie became increasingly clear, New Antioch Pharma began to decrease the actual amount of meth in each pill in exchange for monstrous doses of caffeine. However, methamphetamine would remain in the active ingredients listing. Despite growing concern, the military retained a massive stockpile of Boogie in case of a war.
     
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    THE OLD SILVER SCREEN: THE BUTCHER ERA
  • THE OLD SILVER SCREEN:
    THE BUTCHER ERA

    Ten-Commandments-1923.jpg

    Still image from B. W. Biffle's 1919 epic The Ten Commandments. This scene was filmed on a beach in Florida.

    - THE BEGINNING -

    Contrary to what anyone in the Republican Union would tell you, the motion picture camera was actually invented in Paris by the Lumiere Brothers in 1890, and not by Alfred Sweetwater, a down-on-his-luck, scrappy inventor in Lewis City, Osage. However, with an almost total ban on any aspects of Europan culture inside the Union, no one there was much the wiser. Alfred Sweetwater was born on November 10, 1870, and inherited his father's photography business in 1890. Business was middling at best, with the clientele mostly being local businessmen or trappers coming in to be photographed with their rotting animal carcasses. All in all, not very glamorous work, and it left the young Sweetwater time to work on inventions in the back room of the studio. He had received a badly-broken Lumiere-styled machine in from Sweden in 1892, and continued to work on the machine in his spare time. In between failed investments and looming bankruptcy, he finally figured out how the camera worked and actually improved on its design. In 1895, he patented the "Sweetwater Motion Picture Camera." A revolution was coming. In 1900, film crews from the new Sweetwater Productions Company were on hand to film President Custer and Charles Goodyear II's opening of the Panama Canal. This film was shown around the Union at general stores and libraries who had bought projection screens from Sweetwater and licensed the right to show the film. This successful venture made Alfred rich beyond his wildest dreams.

    Ironically, Alfred himself thought motion pictures would be a fad that would die out, so he ended up selling his company to Benjamin Franklin Nixon, of Pennsylvania, and then retired into peaceful and wealthy obscurity. The grandson of Quakers, Nixon's ancestors had given up their pacifist ways during the Great American War, when the Bourbon Brigade committed their atrocities against the Quakers during the "Trail of Tears." Nixon's family abandoned pacifism thereafter and fought in the Grand Army of the Republic. William Penn Nixon, Benjamin's father, was a young private who saw firsthand the sack of New Orleans. Benjamin saw the motion picture industry as a future boom waiting to happen and a fortune and legacy ready to be made. The government was already beginning to see the industry as a means of mass-propaganda. The Panama Canal film, though only some five minutes long, was now a celebrated work of art. When Nixon was interviewed by the Shicagwa Inquirer on June 4, 1901, and asked how he felt about his buyout of Sweetwater, he replied, "Well, frankly, I feel tremendous about it. I told my wife Hannah, 'I feel like a lucky duck.' I believe that in a few years time we will see Nixon nickelodeons all throughout this glorious Union, bringing not only entertainment and laughter, but also information and knowledge. What a world we shall live in!"

    "Nickelodeons" was the term popular for movie theaters at the time, of which only a handful existed at the time of that interview. Before the advent of the movie business, Nixon had been running a chain of general goods stores from southern Pennsylvania to northern Ohio, and his sales skyrocketed from exhibiting the Panama Canal footage. On December 18, 1902, he allowed several companies to gain access to the Sweetwater technology in the hopes that they would create many new movies for him to show in his new trademark "Nixolodeons" he was building in most every state. The first feature-length movie in America was The Story of Honest Abe, a 60-minute silent masterpiece directed by Gregory Jones and produced by Serenity Studios of New York City. It told the story of A. A. Lincoln, his reformation of the Presidency, and then his tragic assassination. The wild success of this movie showed the world that a longer, most detailed film with better costumes, stories, and true character arcs were not only popular, but what the people really wanted. People wanted to forget their troubles and the hassle of day-to-day life and enjoy a story. Some audiences of the Lincoln picture openly wept during the climax. There had not been anything like it in history.

    Things would turn ugly in 1910, however, when Colonel Goodyear Enterprises launched its own nickelodeon operation using projection cameras similar to Nixon's and showing their own in-house productions. Fuming, Nixon sued CGE for infringing upon his patents. However, the government ruled on the side of CGE, declaring that the CGE cameras were similar but still different inventions. Thus, the Studio Wars began. Nixon realized he would have to get even more competitive in an ever-changing business. In 1911, just before the beginning of the Great World War, he created Lucky Duck Studios and secured government contracts to produce propaganda reels to lather up the foaming mouths of the Yankee war-hawks, and to get those on the fence at least slightly moist around the lips. Since actual combat-zone footage was very hard to come by and was often of poor quality, Lucky Duck Studios produced some truly first-rate war films, such as The Defenestration of Amsterdam, depicting drunken Catholic Europans throwing Protestant Dutch civilians out of windows, and The Rape of the Innocent, showcasing the brutal Catholic attacks on Protestant civilians in the Bund. All of these over-the-top films had a distinctive style. This was mostly the work of filmmaker Gustav Ables, a Scottish immigrant who directed the reels. However, his most famous work was called The Deadliest Foe. It was the first public health advisory film ever made, showing that proper hygiene and cleanliness not only kept the Flu at bay, but also helped the war effort greatly.

    Following the war, things took a turn to the more mundane, adventurous, and comedic as the nation rode high on victory over the Europans and the Beckie Flu. Adaptions of Bible stories were common as filming techniques continued to improve. Director B. W. Biffle, of Lucky Duck Studios, produced The Ten Commandments in 1919, with a celebrated scene showing the parting of the Red Sea as an allegory for the arrival of the Puritans in the New World. It was considered a technological marvel for its day and set the box office record for years to come. Much of the film was shot in Texas, for the desert scenes, but the main setting of Egypt was actually Florida, not far from Kissimmee, where the Union's greatest minds had formulated the Cleansing Month not so many years before. By 1920, Kissimmee would become the true home of the film industry, with thousands of young aspiring actors moving south to find their fame and fortune.

    nixonfamily.jpg

    Benny Nixon and his family (a young Richard Lionheart Nixon is on the far right)

    - THE BUTCHER ERA -

    As films began to be richer in story and focused more on the individual actors and actresses, a few would really make their name known the country over. Lucky Duck's money-making machine was Roy Carson Butcher, hero of scores of cowboy movies, mostly focusing on the last days of the open ranges of Texas. Butcher became the heartthrob of a generation of young women and the idol of young boys across the Union. His films, though silent and somewhat weak story-wise, still showcased his charm as an Anglo-Saxon man's man, roughing it on the prairies in a rather garish outfit and ten-gallon hat with his elderly, snaggle-toothed, gold-miner sidekick, Sloppy Joe. Butcher was only 19 when Benny Nixon spotted him working as a busboy in New Antioch. Knowing he could make money off the waiter's good looks, he rather let down when Bragg told him that his name was Vincent Boucher, a Cajun by blood. Even though many Cajuns lived in Lewisiana as Protestant citizens and it was not inherently "Inferior" to bear a French surname (unless you were Catholic), it was still a major turn-off for most American citizens. Most Protestant French who immigrated to the Union immediately Americanized their surnames, but the Cajuns had remained in their old ways.

    butcher.jpg

    Early 1920s portrait of Roy C. Butcher

    In a 1935 interview, Butcher told the Philadelphia Times:

    "Benny Nixon took me to the side at the Brass Knob, the tavern I was a-workin' at at the time, and he asked me, 'Son, do you want to be in the picture shows? My name is Benny Nixon, proprietor of Lucky Duck Studios, and we're lookin' for someone to star in some cowboy pictures. Would you care to try out for a role?' Now, I stammered and stuttered and was all a-ghast, horrified at the thought of standin' up in front of a bunch of fancy city fellers to do some song and dance. But I also sure as hell didn't want to wait tables for the rest of my life, and I done reckoned this was my chance. So he asks me my name and I says, 'I'm Vince Boucher.' Now Mr. Nixon looks down at the floor, real disappointed like, then he looks up again and asks me, 'Boy, where you from?' I smiled and I pulled out my S.I.N. booklet and showed him I was born and raised in New Antioch, son of non-miscegenated Cajun Betters, I was. He starts a-smilin' and a-grinnin' again, like from ear to ear, and he sticks out his hand at me all neighborly-like and says, 'Mr. Butcher. Roy Carson Butcher. Got a nice ring to it, don't it?' I says 'Yessir, I reckon it does.' Then I told him, 'I reckon a few more silver eagles has a nice ring to it, too.' He laughed and said, 'I think you'll be getting gold eagles where you're going, son.' And that's how I became the rootin' tootin' New Antioch Cowboy."

    In truth, not only would Butcher get those gold eagles, he would become the first superstar actor in history, earning thousands seemingly overnight as the people flocked to see his first film, titled Bad Day at MacGuffin Ranch, which saw him battling train bandits hiding out from the law on a secluded country estate. Women swooned as Butcher's character, simply name Roy Butcher in the film as well, kicked open the door of the barn with his silver-tipped Tiffany boots, drew his pearl-gripped Colonel Pierce revolvers, and blasted the heathen scum full of lead before riding into the sunset with the distraught young Widow MacGuffin. One female admirer said after the first viewing of the film at the New York City Nixolodeon, "What a man! I could feel the dominance of his fluids dripping down the screen. It was magnificent. Lord!" Little boys and young men quickly began to idolize Butcher and replicas of his famous white ten-gallon hat were hot commodities, sparking a nation-wide fashion trend. By 1925, Butcher was almost quite literally rolling in cash, having starred in over two-dozen western blockbusters.

    butcher2.jpg

    Promotional image for 1925's Wild West Wahoo, one of Lucky Duck's most profitable Butcher pictures of the era

    But not everything was perfect in Kissimmee. In 1926, Butcher was conversing with some stage-hands in between takes of his latest movies, The Lewisiana King, when snooping tabloid journalists overheard him joking to the assistants that, "If that gopher boy don't bring me my coffee soon, I'll have to beat his nigger ass like we was back in 1850." Although there was no recording of the line, obviously, the damage was done. All over the Union, citizens woke up to newspapers talking about how America's Hero was a bigoted racist. Angry mobs of black Americans protested outside Lucky Duck Studios in Kissimmee, demanding an apology and some even called for termination of his contract. Things escalated to the point where RUMP officers deployed water cannons on the crowd. Crudely-drawn signs that showed Butcher as a Southron slave master were dropped as the lines of baton-wielding cops moved forward, dispersing the crowds.

    Lucky Duck, and Benny Nixon, were in an uproar. Clerks, secretaries, and corporate officers were sprinting from room to room at the company headquarters, desperately trying to figure out how to handle the situation as the screams and chants of angry blacks outside carried through the closed windows, some of which were broken by stones tossed by the mobs. Butcher was ordered to Nixon's office. Lori Green, Nixon's personal secretary, typed out every word spoken in his office because Nixon suffered from paranoia. This following is taken from a surviving page, dated July 15, 1926:

    N: What the hell, Butch? What the fuck do you think this is, some kind of joke? You think Lucky Duck can make money if the whole G**damn country thinks our leading man is a negro-beating racist?

    B: Now, calm down, boss-man, there ain't no racists in here. They must have misheard me.

    N: What? Five reporters overheard that blabbermouth of yours joking around about beating niggers! This is the Deep South, Butch! And in case you haven't noticed, the Deep South hasn't always been a hotbed of g**damn racial harmony, Butch.

    B: I don't recall ever making these here nasty jokes. It's all lies by the tabloids tryin' to bring me down. I bet you a shiny new dime that these journalists are workin' for one of our enemies, boss. One of the other studios! Maybe Cannon Pictures! Maybe Viehmann Brothers! I don't rightly know! But I'm tellin' ya now, boss-man, they gotta be behind it.

    N: Even if it was them, how the hell does that help us now, you Cajun bastard? We're done, plain and simple. I'm gonna have to fire you, my money-maker, over this racist hoohah, and that'll only be the beginning. Then we're gonna have to watch our sets like it's the Bank of the Union to make sure these guttersnipes don't slither in again.

    B: Do we know the names of these creeps, boss?

    N: Yes, the main man is Joe Skaller, Kissimmee Enquirer.

    B: Done deal. Boss, you wait right here and I'll go take care of some things the Southron way.

    N: What the fuck are you talking about?

    B: Give me till morning. Then you will see, boss."

    Butcher then sneaked out of Lucky Duck using a series of fire exits before calling for his personal assistants. One man, a gaunt creature with blonde hair, was known as Howard, and the other man could have stood in for Joe Steele with his black mustache, and Butcher always called him George. They were just hired thugs, so their names might have been something entirely different, but they were always with Butcher everywhere he went. That night, they hid out in the country outside of town until nightfall before getting in a black Colonel Ford sedan and driving to the home of Joe Skaller. Butcher was wearing his gun-belt with live rounds in the pearl-gripped Colonel Pierces, George carried a rounders bat, and Howard carried an old, beat-up hammer that probably had seen more bone than nails in its day. The trio broke their way into the one-story post-war house to find Skaller passed out on his living room couch with a bottle of Republica in his hand. They tied him to a chair while Butcher spat antisemitic slurs at the reporter.

    The next day, Skaller printed a new article in the Kissimmee Enquirer, declaring his "Racist Butcher" story to be a fabrication to stir up trouble and drama. Under Union race-laws about "disturbing Societal Harmony," this was punishable by up to five years in prison. The next week, following a quick courtroom trial, Skaller was picked up by a RUMP wagon and sent to Cuba to serve four years in a labor camp and was ordered to pay a $3000 dollar fine. Butcher, Lucky Duck, and Nixon himself were saved. Now exonerated, The Lewisiana King rolled out to Nixolodeons across the country and became one of Butcher's top-rated pictures. The Butcher Era would roll on. By 1930, he was starring in sound films, like Bloody Creek and Badman of the Woods, but his acting career was overwhelming him so much that he became addicted to Boogie for the next twenty years, repeatedly overdosing and just barely surviving. In 1940, now far from his acting prime and finally being replaced by younger, more handsome leading men, Butcher would win election to become Governor of Lewisiana. He would be caught having an affair with a black secretary in 1945, breaking Union race-laws barring interracial fluid-mixing to "maintain Societal Harmony and Racial Purity." Following this breach of decorum, a thorough investigation was launched that found the New Antioch Cowboy guilty of taking from the state treasury to fund his own personal trips and vacations, as well as to buy luxury goods and cars he no longer could afford from his depleted movie fortune. Brought to the Presidential Mansion in Philadelphia to stand before Joe Steele in person, he was stripped of his Bannerman rank in the Manifest Destiny Party while a young Charles Oswald was present to read Steele's personal condemnation of the disgraced movie star and governor.

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    Governor Roy C. Butcher, circa early 1940s

    "Vincent Boucher, also known as Roy Carson Butcher, hear and understand: His Excellency Joseph Steele, the President of the Republican Union, Atheling of the Party, and Defender of the Faith, hereby denounces you as a profligate enemy of the people's trust and treasure, a detriment to Societal Harmony and Racial Purity, a false-comrade of the Manifest Destiny Party, and overall a most despicable and detestable human being. He hereby finds you guilty of the aforementioned anti-American activities and sentences you to death by firing squad. May Jehovah have mercy upon your soul."

    - Charles Oswald's reading of the State's Condemnation of Death upon Vincent Boucher (May 2, 1945)

    After Oswald finished, a squad of elite ORRA officers dragged Butcher crying and screaming behind the Mansion and tied him to a post. His ivory-white Texas Tuxedo, adorned with hand-stitched purple flowers and rhinestones, turned red with his own blood as the firing squad's bullets hit home. Quivering and with blood rolling from his mouth, the dying Butcher slid down the post, his famous white ten-gallon hat falling off for the last time as his eyes rolled up and his head tilted forward. Oswald, who had given the firing squad its marching orders, goose-stepped out onto the green to retrieve the hat. He put the iconic stetson on his head and laughed as he told the firing squad in his thick Boston accent, "There's a new sheriff in town, pardnah!" Steele immediately banned all of Butcher's films. They would not be available for viewing again until the Oswald Reforms of the 1960s, when they would be released on UltraTape following a general pardon of Butcher as just another victim of Steele's purges. However, interestingly enough, Steele continued to personally enjoy viewing the films during his last years in office. One former aide once said:

    "I think he got a sort of sick kick out of killing such a celebrity and banning his movies, but still continuing to watch them himself. It was very strange and uncomfortable for all of us in the administration. We would walk in on him watching Butcher movies to brief him on some news or to ask if needed us, and we would avert our gaze from the screen because we didn't want to be executed for watching subversive material. But he would just sit in the Eagle's Nest (the President's Office) and would watch reel after reel of Butcher's movies. In fact, the night they found the Atheling dead, he was watching The Lewisiana King, popcorn in hand. Maybe he just genuinely liked his movies but still had no problem executing him to show his strict code of 'ethics.' So odd."
     
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    THE OLD SILVER SCREEN: WHY KISSIMMEE?

  • THE OLD SILVER SCREEN:

    WHY KISSIMMEE?
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    Kissimmee's famed Dandridge Resort, as photographed on the shores of Lake Toho in 1923


    The choice of Kissimmee as the headquarters for the motion picture clan was an interesting one. In the late 19th century, the town only had about eight thousand citizens and was a picturesque Floridian town. In 1896, Matthias Dandridge, a local banker, opened up his own spa and sauna, in the Swedish style. Dandridge had gone on a lengthy vacation in Sweden and desired to bring European style to his small, unassuming hamlet. When the Dandridge Resort opened its doors for the first time on June 2, only a few businessmen and their families showed up. By that autumn, business was still not up and Dandridge began to worry his attempt at refining his hometown might fail. However, news took a while to travel in those days, with most resorts and hotel requiring a word-of-mouth reputation. When Florida Governor Henry Jernigan showed up in the first crisp days of October of 1896, complaining of chronic congestion and ill health, Dandridge Resort finally started to come into its own. Within a week, Jernigan said he was feeling fit as a fiddle and he shared news of his pleasant experience with his staff and other politicians. By early 1897, business was booming and Dandridge was ecstatic. Truly, this was what he wanted more than anything else. The well-to-do Betters of Society from all over the country began to annually visit his resort.

    By mid-1898, Kissimmee was experiencing a boom unlike any ever seen in American history. It was becoming the premier resort town, and though it was often muggy in the area, its beautiful weather and its location on Lake Toho ensured those who came for the resort stayed for the fishing. Bass virtually infested the waters, overpopulated due to the area's formerly tiny population. Now, even President Custer himself called Lake Toho one of his favorite fishing spots. Alligators also ran rampant in the area, so locals were happy to rent themselves out as armed and trustworthy guides. Custer himself captured two alligators and would keep them in the basement of the Presidential Mansion, where their offspring would continue to live for generations to come as a strange sort of mascot for the Presidency. As the gator population started to dry up, scenic walkways were carved out of the wilderness, with carefully maintained shrubs, gardens, and rest areas with food stalls and photography booths. There, tourists could pose with Seminole war bonnets, stuffed alligators, or their prize-winning bass. To the west of Kissimmee was Bunker and Sons Taxidermy, which acquired such a reputation from visitors that it quickly became the standard by which all other taxidermists would be judged. Reginald Bunker was the rather lanky, bearded proprietor, and he was, interestingly enough, first cousins with the Carolinian Protector of Public Virtue, Rusty Bunker.

    By the turn of the century, Kissimmee was booming like none other and going on vacation there was considered a status symbol throughout the nation. However, one last major tourist attraction was yet to come: the burial ground. While tearing up soil to lay the foundation of an expansion to the Dandridge Resort, crews discovered that the ground beneath the spa was rich with the bones of Seminole Indians. Apparently, during the earlier years of the 19th century, when the Republic of Georgia controlled Florida, they had massacred entire villages and killed most of the males before force-marching the survivors all the way into Mexico, never to see their homes again. In the early 20th century, Indian artifacts were going for top-dollar prices around the country and Dandridge found a new way to earn some income. He dug up hundreds of the bodies, selling the bones as souvenirs. The skulls sold for 100 dollars--a fortune in its day--and some were taken to Bunker and Sons for engraving and decoration. Yankees, by this era, fully viewed Indians as subhuman near-animals and they saw the remains of the massacred tribesmen as mere knick-knacks to put on the mantle, a reminder of the progress of civilization. Bunker and Sons also had a lucrative contract with Dandridge for making utensil and knife handles out of the polished Seminole bones. Before long, hundreds of amateur archaeologists were swarming Florida in the so-called "Great Florida Bone Rush." Actual artifacts, such as spears, bows, and hatchets were selling for outrageous sums in New England, and the Greenway Paint Company of Boston was manufacturing "Seminole Brown" paint--made up of crushed remains dug up from God-knows-where. Seminole brown would remain the name of the shade forever after, long after it no longer contained any human remains in the dye mix.

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    Amateur treasure-hunters pose before a collection of uncovered Seminole burial mounds


    This boom paved the way for the gilded future of Kissimmee. Thousands of new citizens arrived over the next ten years, opening up more resorts, fishing businesses, carpentry shops, blacksmiths, jewelers, trolley companies, and more. The New York Times listed Kissimmee as the number one vacation spot in the Union in 1905. Many Protestant Germans, wary of growing persecution in the Bund, were arriving and joining the melting pot of Kissimmee society. The area became well-known for its clock-making industry, with the Germans bringing their skills along with them across the Atlantic. By 1910, just before the Great World War and the Beckie Flu, the town had grown to around twenty thousand people, 90 percent of whom were Betters of Society. A shanty town had been established in 1899 for Inferior laborers, but in 1910, the town council of elders, Mayor Ed Friday and the local wing of the Manifest Destiny Party agreed that, "The Future of Kissimmee is for the Betters of Society only." In August of 1910, the slums were destroyed by ORRA and RUMP as Mayor Friday looked on with approval. Most of the Inferiors who lived there, some 2,000 in all, were shipped north by train to the Peachtree Reeducation Camp, also known as Camp 166. This sparked a movement by local councils all over Florida to purge the Inferiors of Society from the state. By 1912, Florida proudly boasted the smallest population of Inferiors in North America. Its tourism campaign, which would be put on hold for the duration of the war and disease outbreak, was that "Florida is for Betters!"

    The war ravaged the city, however, but not through death toll but rather through tourism money drying up. The only thing that kept it afloat was the fact that high-ranking officials of the Union government were living in Kissimmee in hopes of staying healthy, as the town was considered one of the "purest" in the country. Many more high-ranking officials, such as Supreme Justiciar of Inferior Law Eric Newman and Quartermaster General Woodrow Wilson, arrived in town for the July 4, 1912, Kissimmee Conference at the Bradbury Hotel in the downtown district. The Conference laid out the plans for the Final Solution for the Inferior Question, resolving to kill a vast majority of the nation's Inferior population via poisoned vaccines. At this point, Matthias Dandridge was now Governor, and he was among the gentlemen present who agreed to murder millions of people.

    Using his connections in Philadelphia, Dandridge had himself appointed to the rank of a Senior Commander of the Coast Guard and took command of several dozens warships off the Floridian coast. Though he would dress up in near-cartoonish regalia and walk the decks occasionally, he never saw combat. His ships did encounter a Europan submarine off the coast of Key West in late 1913, ending quickly with a surrender by the crew. The crew had lost its navigator and commander, and the rest of the crew were inexperienced. They had no idea where they were and they were starving to death. The crew was shipped off to the Cuban POW camps while the submarine itself was shipped inland to Kissimmee to become a future tourist attraction. Dandridge was awarded several medals for his role in the war, including the Golden War Eagle of Victory for "A Pinnacle Effort to Win the War," as well as the Order of Lincoln for "Total Loyalty to the Union" and the Florida Red Ribbon for "Fighting Valiantly in the Name of the Great State of Florida." Forever after that, he would be known as Admiral Dandridge or, simply, the "Admiral."

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    Matthias Dandridge

    Now that the war was won and the Flu was on the run, Dandridge could leave the state capital of Union City (known long ago as St. Augustine) and return home to Kissimmee and his businesses. The captured European submarine was placed on display in Dandridge Park, a new village green for the town laid out in his honor. An engraved brass plaque was bolted onto the side of the ship, right next to the Bonapartist eagle, bearing an inscription:


    "Here before you sits the Lyons II, a once-proud vessel of the Europan Navy. On December 2, 1913, Governor, Senior Commander of the Coast Guard, and Father of Kissimmee, Matthias Dandridge accepted the surrender of the vessel after an overwhelming show of force by ships under his command. To make an example out of America's enemies and to build a monument to total victory in the Great World War, Governor Dandridge had the Lyons II placed upon these pedestals before you. May future generations look upon this monument with pride and joy in their hearts and remember the glorious victory of the Florida Coast Guard over the might of Europa. Florida truly is for Betters! All Hail!"


    After the war, tourism once again boomed, even greater than before. Returning troops wanted to relax and wanted to recuperate from wounds, illnesses, and injuries, so many began frequenting the spas and saunas or spent time fishing on Lake Toho (which, by this point, was being restocked by the government with exotic-type fish from around the newly-enlarged Union). While President Steele preferred vacationing at Martha's Vineyard and hated the heat down south, he still visited two or three times in the late 1910s and early 1920s, especially the Lyons II monument. Dr. Midas Goldstein, the Black Jew, took time away from Camp 222 and Project Percival to relax and yuck it up with the upper-layer of Union Society. Even Patton, in his unceasing attempts to regain use of his legs, constantly was in and out of the Dandridge Resort because he liked to bathe in its "mineral pools that strengthen the fluids." By the end of the 1910s, Kissimmee was a literal playground for the rich, catering to their every whim and possible desire. In 1919, up north, B. W. Biffle and Lucky Duck Studios were scouting for locations to film the silent epic, The Ten Commandments. Kissimmee was about to explode once again into a frenzy of economic and population growth.

    The production of The Ten Commandments was so lengthy and expensive that it was, for a time, the most expensive movie in motion picture history, with a budget exceeding three million dollars. Filming for the desert scenes, such as the Jews lost in the wilderness and Moses and the Burning Bush, was done in the desolate plains of Texas, but the scenes set along the Nile and in the Pharaoh's Palace had to be somewhere more tropical. Though initial proposals suggested Grand Panama for the scenes, Biffle desired a closer location more in touch with civilization. With Kissimmee, not only could Lake Toho stand in for the Nile, it was just across the Gulf from Texas. It was perfect for Biffle. Nixon sent down funding for the eccentric director to shoot the movie and he would not be disappointed with the results. Pharaoh's Palace was actually built from the ground up in one of the most elaborate movie sets ever constructed. It was so well-made that it would be huge tourist attraction for decades, eventually becoming a gambling hall in the late 1920s.

    When the world saw The Ten Commandments, they saw Kissimmee. Nixon loved the film and wanted more like it. A slew of Bible-related films were churned out in the area in the early 1920s, sparking a "ancient revival craze," with Egyptian- and Greek-styled decor and clothing becoming popular. In particular, wealthy women of Kissimmee wanted to emulate the look of Chastity Powers, who portrayed Pharaoh's wife in The Ten Commandments and then similar roles in several loosely-historical movies set in ancient Egypt. In order to get the "Chastity look," women applied copious amounts of eyeliner and bobbed black hair became the norm among the fashionable elite. This later spread across the country in a less-radical way with the "Chastities." Skirts seemed to shorten seemingly overnight as the starlet controlled the fashion industry. She had little in the way of breast size, so the flatter-chested styled shirts and blouses became popular. This made it even easier to dance the new steps coming out of Shicagwa and Lewis City, and dance halls all over America welcomed the Roaring 20s with open arms.

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    Chastity Powers, megastar and trendsetter of the Roaring 20s

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    Egyptian-styled clothes of the early 1920s

    Chastity Powers was not the only influence on women's fashion in the day, but she was the most prolific. Born in 1898 in Rhode Island, descendant of some of the first original Puritans, she became the sex symbol of a generation, and the first famous "modern" woman. She reflected the spirit of women of the time. They had just done men's jobs in the factories during the war. They have proved their status true patriots and equals. Now it was time for fun and enjoying life to the fullest. In a speech before the Boston Ladies Badminton Club in 1923, Powers told the women present:


    "We are living in a new era, an era of progress and equality. Never before have the Betters and Inferiors of Society been more acquainted with their stations in life. Never before in the history of our country has the Negro been more respected and accepted. Never before have women held the amount of respect and equality which they currently hold. Ladies of America, this is our time. And we're going to enjoy the fruits of the labors of the past decade to the fullest. All hail!"


    The starlet was really on the warpath for increasing equality in the 1920s. When several marches were held by men in Kissimmee in 1924 to protest "women wearing skimpy rags and painting their faces up like some sort of South Seas cannibals," Powers led a counter-march of female Manifest Destiny Party members, in full uniform, against the men, carrying signs with slogans like "We fought too," and "This is a brave new world!" Eventually, Governor Dandridge grew tired of the situation and sent in RUMP on May 17 to forcefully remove the men in what Powers called "a landmark victory for women's rights." Around the same time, Powers had divorced her first husband, James Harper, and began to see young ORRA officer Ryan Harvey Hendrick, who was spending a lot of time on leave in Florida hunting game and visiting the resorts.

    Lucky Duck Studios had all but moved to Kissimmee by this point. Finally, in July of 1924 Benny Nixon made the move official and relocated to Florida. This was the real beginning of the movie industry. In order to keep up with their rivals, other studios quickly moved into town, raising the population to some 40,000 by 1925. Aspiring actors and actresses from across the country flocked to Kissimmee to have a chance at being the next Roy Butcher or Chastity Powers. Many ended up working a griddle or shingling roofs, but the dream was still alive. By 1930, over ten major studios had left their homes and moved into Kissimmee, including the following:

    • Lucky Duck Studios (Pennsylvania)
    • Cannon Pictures (Massachusetts)
    • Viehmann Brothers Studios (New Jersey)
    • Serenity Studios (New York)
    • Magnusson Motion Pictures (New York)
    • New England Motion Picture Company (Delaware)
    • Sinclair Studios (Rhode Island)
    • Pinnacle Film Studios (New York) (subsidiary of CGE)
    • American Dream Picture Company (Massachusetts)
    • Winthrop Manor Studios (Virginia)

    The benefits of Kissimmee were abundantly clear to the studio chiefs. Cannon Pictures was the first to follow Lucky Duck to Kissimmee. When company president Aaron Cohen announced the move, he said:

    "Like our forefathers of old, it is time to explore new horizons. It is simply too damn cramped in the cities to build sets and shoot epic scenes on the grand scale movies like The Ten Commandments and Abernathy Estates have left us to compete with. In the South it's clean and there is plenty of room for all the cast and crew to live comfortably and we can make ginormous sets. Like our ancestor's pioneering spirits, we'll break new ground in a new industry, even if we have to cut down the trees ourselves."

    Morty and Ruben Viehmann, founders of Viehmann Brothers, were perhaps Lucky Duck's main competitor. Descendants of Jews fleeing the same Hep-Hep Pograms that had sent the Marx family to America, they had used what remained of the Old World family fortune to build their own studio in 1913, creating the first movie adaptions of Robin Hood and Robinson Crusoe. Both films had been made in the midst of the war. While Robin Hood (played by Burt Walcott) met the lovable Rabbi Abraham (played by Martin Zeagler), symbolizing the kinship between Christian and Jew during the Great World War, Robinson Crusoe (played by Joshamee Lodge) was the story of a lone, ship-wrecked Pinnacle Man surviving on his own with nothing but a few tools, his Anglo-Saxon strength, and his Judaeo-Christian work ethic. When Viehmann Brothers relocated to Kissimmee, Nixon was greatly upset. When Viehmann Brothers accused Lucky Duck of breaking in and stealing a script from them for a Queen Elizabeth biopic, Nixon spoke to the press and said, "If the Viehmann boys want a fight, I'll give 'em a fight!"

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    Producers Morty and Ruben Viehmann pose for a photo with superstar actress Katie Woodhall

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    The Lucky Duck-Viehmann Brothers conflict initiated what would be known as the Second Studio War. Blood would be spilled, names would be ruined, and sets would be trashed and burned in one of the most brutal and personal corporate showdowns in American history. Chastity Powers's contract was running out with Lucky Duck, and as Nixon kept pressuring her to once again sign on the dotted line, Viehmann Brothers was making moves for the "Kissimmee Goddess" themselves. Meanwhile, Ryan Hendrick was keeping tabs on everything for ORRA, and as tensions continued to escalate, President Steele knew he would have to oversee the creation of a motion pictures clan before the entirety of Tinseltown burned itself to the ground....
     
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    OPERATION TINSELDOWN: BIRTH OF THE HENDRICK CODE

  • OPERATION TINSELDOWN:

    BIRTH OF THE HENDRICK CODE

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    1930s-era propaganda poster of Ryan Harvey Hendrick. This poster was used nation-wide but also occupied a prominent billboard in dowtown Kissimmee, not far from the Bradbury Hotel

    The clacking echo of dozens of tap-dancers giving their all reverberated through the Viehmann Brothers motion picture recording studio. The massive building was almost completely dark aside from the massive recording stage. The strut support ceiling and the giant metal walls of the building were covered in sound-deadening material. All the staff members stood perfectly still, not wanting to interfere with the film process. It was July 20, 1927, and Viehmann Brothers were shooting the first ever fully sound picture, or "talkie," in history. It was called Pinnacle Youth, the story of two star-crossed lovers from wealthy families and the ways their families tried to keep them apart. Juliet Bradshaw was cast as the demure and quiet leading lady, Joni Stevenson, to Miles Paxton's party-animal, cocktail-addicted, CYB All-America Joe Burton. The Stevensons were supposed to be a New England whaling dynasty with a heavy grip on the entire industry, much like the real-life Old Kinderhook had, while the Burtons were owners of a vast paper company out of Shicagwa. When Stevenson met Joe Burton, they embarked on a one-night whirlwind romance, going to an incredibly lavish party in the heart of New York City at a huge dance hall and cocktail lounge. There was a scene where 60 tap-dancers took to the floor to dance to the newest hit, "Anything Goes," by Kid Crawfish, a massively popular jazz singer coming out of New Antioch. William Quarters, the award-winning director of Pinnacle Youth, was thrilled with how the production was coming and sat in his chair with a smile on his face and a Morton between his lips as the dancers raged on. It was quickly becoming one of the most expensive films in movie history, but his crew had been doing well adapting to the new sound equipment. Little did he know July 20, 1927, would go down in the history of Kissimmee as one of its darkest days.

    At the same time as the studio orchestra blared out "Anything Goes," a massive squadron of navy blue Colonel Ford trucks were just outside the studio gate. Inside of the canvas-covered truckbeds sat dozens of ORRA troops clad in blue tunics and pinchcrown hats. Some wore navy blue M-26 pot helmets, a recent addition to the American's soldier's wardrobe. Each man carried an M-98 Col. Pierce Infantry Carbine and an M-1909 Philadelphia Craftworks pistol. They sat motionless as the trucks began to park all around the studio, the only movement happening whenever the trucks' shocks didn't absorb a bump very well. A non-com, wearing a forage cap, stood on the back of each truck, clutching a steel handle that jutted off the tailgate. They carried only pistols. As the trucks parked, the non-coms stepped off, let the tailgate down, and ordered the ORRA troops to pile out.

    "Alright, you bastards, everyone out and form up! Ho!" screamed many of the officers, or something along those lines. Many studio staff members were outside at that time, including many extras in full costume, for smoke breaks. ORRA squads closed in immediately and ordered them all to a giant holding pen that was quickly set up.

    Commander Marcus Aurelius Garner watched with a smile on his face and a Fire-Breather between his lips as Operation Tinseldown commenced. "Cactus Marcus," as his men called the silver-haired Texan, was marching across the blacktop parking lot with a cloister of his right-hand men. Commander Garner was chosen by President Steele to lead Operation Tinseldown and Garner knew the cost of failure, so he was overseeing everything in person so his report back to Steele would make him look as good as possible.

    For over a month, the biggest star in Kissimmee history, the charming and beautiful Chastity Powers, had been missing. Her contract with Lucky Duck Studios had been about to run out and she had been looking into signing with Viehmann Brothers for a better salary when she had been kidnapped from her home she shared on Washington Street with ORRA officer and newly-wedded husband Colonel Ryan Harvey Hendrick. Hendrick had drawn his service pistol and fired at the attackers, killing one. But the other two home-invaders had stuffed the poor girl into the back of a Rollarite Runabout and driven off. Hendrick felt horrible about the loss of his new bride and demanded that Commander Garner allow him to participate in Operation Tinseldown. He had told the press the day after the kidnapping, "Dear Chastity Powers, how I love her! I would never leave here alone and unprotected! I tried my best, but I simply could not beat three hulking men in the middle of the night. Confound them! It drives me to drink! But I will not cease in my most Pinnacle of efforts until my lady-love is brought back home!" Now, he marched alongside Garner with a look of grim determination. The blonde, beak-nosed Hendrick's knee-high lace-up boots and gold-braided uniform were impeccable. Garner laughed. He thought Hendrick was more Kissimmee model than ORRA superman, but he wouldn't deny the poor sod a chance to help rescue his wife.

    "You know, Colonel Hendrick, you may not like what we find out about your wife," said Garner as they walked toward the studio entrance. He stopped a moment to throw down his cigarette and stamp out and said, "She's been missing a whole month with no ransom note."

    Hendrick, his blonde hair shining in the sun and his cold blue eyes reflecting the same rays also stopped a moment, a deep frown on his face. He took a step closer to Garner's face and said in a quiet but desperate voice, "I know, Commander. But like the Knights of the Round Table of olden days, I shall avenge my lady-love if I have to march to the ends of the earth." Garner smiled faintly, admiring the kid's pluck. Hendrick pulled a Fire-Breather out of his tunic-pocket and lit it up with a shaky hand and continued. "There are no ransom notes," he said while taking a quick drag of the cocaine-infused cigarette, "because there is no ransom. This is Viehmann Brothers. They want her to sign or they'll kill her. They want her or they don't want Benny Nixon to have her, so they don't even want a ransom. As much as I hate to admit it, they probably tortured my dearest and when she refused to give in to their demands they probably had her killed. But we shall find out. And then... then we shall have justice, Commander Garner."

    Garner frowned back now as they resumed their march to the studio gate, riflemen flanking them on each side. "No need to jump to conclusions, Colonel Hendrick. We may yet find her alive. At any rate, these damned studios are absolutely out of control. President Steele says that even if Viehmann Brothers aren't the ones responsible for this crime, no one in Kissimmee will ever think about touching the hair of an actor's head ever again. You know the Custer Youth motto, Hendrick?"

    Hendrick scoffed, replying, "Yes, why of course, I was an All-American. Ab Ordine Libertas."

    Garner tucked his arms behind his back as they pressed on. "Yes. 'From Order comes Liberty.' That, my boy, is exactly what Operation Tinseldown is about. That's what President Steele is about. Too much freedom leads to anarchy. That ends today. Come on, let's do this."

    As the officers approached the gate, the overweight Overton Agency security guard manning the controls from inside a tiny phone-booth sized structure saluted with a shaky outstretched hand and greeted them. "All hail! Uh... What can I do, um, for you fine public servants?"

    Garner held up a piece of paper with a gold seal pressed down upon it. "In the name of God and President Steele, the Office of Racial and Religious Affairs is declaring the city of Kissimmee to be under martial law. Comply or be destroyed. Open your fuckin' gate, Porky."

    The guard turned a sickly greenish-white as he frantically began to turn the crank which opened the massive, 15-foot gate. Above the metal gate was an impressive wrought iron sign reading, "Viehmann Brothers." Below that was a smaller font reading the studios motto, "Film Shall Set You Free." As the gates swung open, the ORRA squads charged in perfect formation with mechanical precision. Several of them stopped to place the Overton man in handcuffs. Garner, Hendrick, and the other leaders held back as the troops began to smash open doors and windows. Garner screamed through a bullhorn, "Attention, Viehmann Brothers employees! Martial law has been declared! Please cooperate, and no harm will befall you. Gentlemen of the Office of Racial and Religious Affairs, every single building in this studio is to be searched! Every person is to be placed into the detention area designated in the parking lot! Let's do this fast and clean! Long live Steele!"

    "Long live Steele!" came the cheer from the men. Some were banging on locked doors with the butts of their rifles or throwing themselves against them as the unsuspecting occupants screamed, still trying to understand what was going on. As the men broke into a large blue building, a stream of half-naked women came running out, kicking and crying for all it was worth as the soldiers just laughed and grabbed them. They were led at bayonet point to the parking lot pen. Another building was full of prop handlers, and they were about as equally thrilled. One was brutally beaten when he tried to run away down an alley. The ORRA goons kicked him in the ribs till he was drooling blood onto the dirt before dragging him away by his plaid shirt collar.

    Garner took to the bullhorn once more after that unfortunate incident. "And that, y'all, is what happens when you resist the God-ordained Office of Racial and Religious Affairs! Don't be brave and you won't go to an early grave, I always say!"

    Gunshots rang out as troops fired warning shots into the sky, letting the civies know they meant business. A steady stream of extras, crew, makeup artists, and secretaries were marched out in handcuffs and led to the holding pen in the parking lot. Several trucks were parked around the temporary prison, coffee grinders pointed out the back and aimed directly at the crowd of Viehmann employees. Those employees were having the worst day in their entire careers. The sun was beating down onto the blacktop and many were going to experience heat stroke. Giant fans on the inside of the trucks kept the troops cool enough. After a while, a trough from a Western movie set was brought over to the pen and filled with water for the prisoners. ORRA officers laughed as a bunch of wealthy actors desperately drank out of a filthy horse trough.

    Back inside the studio property, Garner, Hendrick, and around two hundred more ORRA men were surrounding the recording studio itself, where the tap dancers raged on in take five of the "Anything Goes" number.

    Times have changed.
    And we've often rewound the clock.
    Since the Puritans got the shock.
    When they landed on Plymouth Rock.

    ORRA men carrying a battering ram sprinted toward the locked recording studio's doors, screaming, "For President Steele!" The battering ram, a large log with a steel head shaped like an eagle's beak, crashed up against the double-doors with a furious rage.

    If today
    Any shock they should try to stem
    'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
    Plymouth Rock would land on them.

    "IN THE NAME OF STEELE AND THE GLORIOUS UNION, YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST! DON'T BE BRAVE AND YOU WON'T GET A GRAVE!" bellowed Garner through the bullhorn as the doors came splintering off their hinges and the riflemen came charging through, bayonets forward.

    In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
    Was looked on as something shocking.
    But now, God knows,
    Anything goes.

    The world has gone mad today
    And good's bad today,
    And black's white today,
    And day's night to-

    Quarters, the director, lost his mind when he turned around to see what was going on as his orchestra suddenly stopped mid-note and his tap-dancing showgirls began to panic and shriek. "What the hell? What... What is going on?!" he stammered through his own megaphone.

    Garner smiled as his men threw Quarters to the ground and cuffed him. He and Hendrick walked up to the panicking director, their jackboots clicking on the concrete floor. Garner stooped down and poked the director on the shoulder. "You, sir, are under arrest for suspicion of the kidnapping of Mrs. Chastity Powers-Hendrick."

    The bald-headed director's eyes bulged with disbelief. "That's what this is about?!" he blubbered, almost crying. He was laying on his stomach but was trying to maintain eye contact. "Are you kidding me? I have nothing to do with that! And neither do my people! What is the meaning of this outrage?"

    Garner laughed, deliberately looking past Quarters, a knowing smile on his face. "Oh, tut-tut, Quarters. This isn't just about Powers. President Steele has said that you Tinseltown folks are out of control. Like a whiny little baby, we have to use the rod of discipline on you from time to time. There is no freedom without regulation. Without regulation, there is only anarchy. No more "Anything Goes" for you people. Ab ordine libertas, sir. Take him away, men!"


    ***

    WskpR7zl.jpg

    ORRA troops round up Viehmann Brothers employees
    The raid on Viehmann Brothers was only one of many that day, though it was the key raid. It had began around 11 in the morning. By noon, RUMP officials were were calling Philadelphia, outraged that they had not been notified of martial law in their own city. Steele would reply to Phil Fox, Kissimmee Chief of Military Police, "This was a covert operation, Chief. We couldn't let you people know because one of your people might have loose lips. I want to keep my firing squad well-exercised, but I'd rather not use it on your men... or yourself, Chief." That seemed to shut RUMP up. Thomas Custer, now 82, was still in charge of RUMP as its Supreme Chief, and he ordered all RUMP forces in Kissimmee to stand down and let ORRA handle everything. This caused a growing silent rift between the two branches that was emblematic of a larger systemic problem that would never be resolved.

    Morty and Ruben Viehmann were arrested in their offices at the studio, along with their entire staffs. After joining the rest of the company's employees in the parking lot pen, a convoy of prison trucks arrived to transport them all to nearby Toho Prison for further questioning and interrogation. Morty Viehmann would later describe it as the most terrifying day of his life by far. The trucks were equipped with canisters on their roofs that contained poison gas. These were mobile gassing trucks. Almost all of the prisoners thought they were about to be taken somewhere, gassed, and then thrown into a mass grave. Many were weeping hysterically. Some were catatonic, balled up in fetal positions. All were thirsty, hot, and dehydrated. The trucks were like ovens and were entirely steel.

    Chastity Powers was nowhere to be found. Every studio in Kissimmee was checked, with the exception of the government-backed Lucky Duck Studio (which had a large staff of secret ORRA infiltrators keeping an eye on everything). Nothing was found. They searched homes of employees. Personal diaries, files, desks. Everything. Thousands of ORRA personnel were combing through every nook and cranny and were finding nothing. Newspapers reported the shocking news that Kissimmee was under martial law. Commander Garner was placed in charge of the Operation as a whole but Hendrick, with his all of his ties to the film industry, was declared Emergency Dictator of Kissimmee. Hendrick and Nixon quickly drew up plans for a new Media Clan, in charge of not only the film industry, but also radio. The era of free media was at an end. Though Steele had already been President for over ten years, the true reign was about to begin. He had played his cards quietly for a long time, eliminating enemies or taking control of them through blackmail and threats. Now he was about to completely change the American way of life. He had plans for a glorious future war to establish complete dominance over the hemisphere forever, and to do this he would need total control of every aspect of life. The clans would bend the knee to the President or they would be eliminated.

    On September 1, 1927, two months after the raids began, Chastity Powers woke up from another miserable night's sleep on a filthy straw mattress at a run-down cabin in the swamps to the southwest of Union City, Florida. A loud bang had awoken her. Her kidnappers screamed as Hendrick and several ORRA officers burst through the doorway, guns blazing. After the heroic rescue, she was taken to Our Prophet Medical Center in downtown Union City. In a few minutes, she was blanketed with ORRA security and then reunited with her darling husband. As she buried her now-washed face into Ryan's chest, crying hysterically, Hendrick cooed and held her tight, reassuring her. After several hours of consoling her, she passed out. A sergeant stepped into the hospital room. "Colonel Hendrick, sir. All hail. The President is on the line for you."

    Hendrick rose from his bedside chair and left the room. In a private office nearby he picked up the red rotary Yankee Telegraph phone receiver. "This is Colonel Hendrick. All hail!"

    "All hail!" came Joe Steele's voice at the other end of the line. "You have done well, Hendrick."

    Hendrick smiled. "Thank you, Mr. President. It is my pleasure to serve you and the glorious Union."

    Steele smiled back at the end of the line and let out an approving chuckle. A rare event. "She has no idea you knew?"

    Hendrick shook his head, even though no one could see it. "Absolutely not, Mr. President. She thinks I am her guardian angel, her Lancelot. She has no idea about Operation Tinseldown's true purpose."

    Steele said, "Good. Good. Excellent, in fact, Colonel. I was so weary of the filth and detritus pouring out of Kissimmee. If we have to break a few eggs to get control and make the public want us to, it's well worth it. The public doesn't want to see pretty young things like your bride being kidnapped in out of control movie disputes. That's disgusting. I am sure the film industry will do quite well with your oversight, as it has these last couple months. And I am sure Chastity will continue to enjoy a long and prosperous career with Lucky Duck. Go tend to your darling other half. Give her a slap on the ass for me, Colonel. All hail."

    "All hail, Mr. President!" Hendrick saluted back before hanging up.

    The next two years would be a period of incredible change for Kissimmee and the movie business. Hendrick took complete control. Lucky Duck was now the chosen one, not only receiving contracts from the government as they had since the Great World War, but it was now also effectively a tool of Hendrick, Supreme Chief Patton, and ORRA. Patton's Project Percival was now moving on from drug experimentation to full brainwashing and mind-control through use of mass media. Every single word, no matter how trivial, would now have to be approved by ORRA before being allowed to air. Every detail of every news report, every scene and line of every movie, would be "inspected for quality and for moral forthrightness." In 1928, all film studios and broadcasting corporations officially entered the Media Clan in a formal ceremony. Headquarters for the new clan was in downtown Kissimmee at the Bradbury Hotel, historic site of the original Kissimmee Conference. All of these companies signed onto the "Hendrick Code," which was a list of subject matter and "offensive" material the state found completely unacceptable.

    William Quarters was released in October of 1927, along with the all the other employees of the companies raided during Operation Tinseldown. No one was ever officially charged with the kidnapping of Powers. The kidnappers who had been shot were all supposedly buried in unmarked graves. In reality, it was all an act. The kidnappers were employees of Lucky Duck, well-trained on faking their own demise. Powers' kidnapping had been the needed fuel for a morality crusade from the public. They viewed Kissimmee has a den of sin and moral degeneracy, one so disgusting it would even kidnap the darling of the country. They cheered as the government stepped in. They lined up to see Pinnacle Youth, the first talkie, in January of 1928. After two complete rewrites and ORRA censors on set for its entire production, it was finally released. While the story was largely the same, any risque moments were cut out. Also, any aspect of the film which could be seen as promoting teenage rebellion was nixed. From that point on, Kissimmee under the Hendrick Code was a very different place than it had been before. Though still glamorous and entertaining, films had less of a "fun" tone and were far more focused on propaganda. In 1930, Destiny's Call: The Prophet Burr Story was released, the first movie to ever have been filmed in color. It set box office records and would forever hold the movie theater and Nixolodeon title for longest-run, going for an astounding 20 weeks at number 1.

    pinnaclekids-jpg.477422


    theatre-jpg.477425

    With the media industry now a part of the greater overall clan structure, they other clans could now muscle more of their own product placement into films and radio. Stars would make blatant product placements, even at the expense of the movie's pace, if the other clans demanded it. For instance, the main character of Once Upon a Time in Shicagwa, a crime drama, obnoxiously went on and on about how tremendous Firebreathers were and SPUD cans were constantly in the background. Above all, movies extolled the virtues of President Steele and the Manifest Destiny Party and the evils of all who opposed it. Historians consider this generation to be the final end of free thought in America. Anyone who survived mandatory Custer Youth Brigade membership with a bit of a free-thinking spirit still inside would be grounded in party doctrine with every passing minute of film and radio. Membership in any other denomination other than AFC was almost nonexistent. Membership in the AFC would raise to 95% by 1950.

    Books, too, became even more censored than they already had been. Books had been under ORRA's territory since the beginning, but the new Hendrick Code applied to them as well. New lists of banned books were given to every ORRA headquarters in the nation, instructing them to find and destroy certain documents and pretend that they never existed. Among the victims of the Hendrick Code Purge were certain works by Shakespeare, any version of the Bible aside from the AFC Standard and the King James, and Thomas Paine. Steele even at one point considered having the original Declaration of Independence burned, but decided against it at the last moment as he had moved on to targeting Masonic lodges and manuscripts. He viewed any secret society as a potential threat to his own power. The Freemasons would be the target of the first true Steele Purge. The 1930s were about to start off with a bang....


    Just think of those shocks you've got
    And those knocks you've got
    And those blues you've got
    From that news you've got
    And those pains you've got
    (If any brains you've got)
    From those little radios.
     
    Last edited:
    FIRE OVER PHILLY

  • FIRE OVER PHILLY

    hindenburg3-56a48bfb5f9b58b7d0d77fcb-jpg.478168

    The Wreck of the Tropic Beauty

    "No, no, no. This can't be happening!" Sam Bush cried with a voice filled with horror. "What do you mean he has called for a meeting of all the clans?" he asked his secretary, Clark Anderson, a thin man with an impressive set of sideburns.

    Anderson leaned with one hand against his boss's mahogany desk, which was so heavily-polished that it was practically a mirror. As Bush buried his face in his hands, Anderson could see it reflected in the desk. It was contorted with distress and an almost animalistic look of sheer panic. Bush ran his shaking fingers through his heavily pomade-slicked, middle-parted hair. His mustache drooped down depressingly and was as equally white as the rest of his hair. The Bank of the Union CEO had earned every strand running the Banking Clan as its unofficial head and spokesman. Even before the clans, the Bank of the Union had been one of the main sources of support during the rise of the Manifest Destiny Party in its infant stages. Sam had been key in managing finances for both the Immolation of Mexico and the Great World War. He had supported Steele because of his long-time friendship with ORRA Supreme Chief George Dewey. Anderson wished he could calm Bush down, but found himself struggling to do so. "Sir, if I may say, this is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps he merely wishes to discuss matters of import."

    Bush looked up from his misery just long enough to scoff at him. "Bah!" he spat. "Perhaps he wants to line us up against a wall and shoot us! Perhaps he want us drawn and quartered! Tell me, Anderson, why the devil do you think he would call for a meeting of all the clans, something which hasn't been done since he took power? Just to check up on things over a cup of tea and some finger sandwiches?" Bush's mustache twitched and his face turned red as he continued to berate his long-time underling. "For God's sake, man, Steele just had the entirety of Kissimmee arrested last month! What kind of hooplah are you trying to feed me? I'm old but I'm not some dumb mick, Clark."

    Anderson took a sip of the coffee he was drinking out a commemorative mug. The mug was celebrating veterans of Lincoln's Hammer. Anderson had fought in the 3rd Maniple, 1st Cohort, 2nd Legion, during the invasion of Quebec. He had seen death and the faces of those who knew they were likely about to die. They didn't look unlike Sam Bush did now. The only difference was the men he saw about to die were young boys in blue and khaki uniforms huddling in a trench whereas Bush wore a plaid three-piece suit and sat in an overstuffed buffalo-hide office chair. Anderson swallowed the coffee; plain black, just as he had drank it in Quebec. "Well, sir, what are your orders? The board will wish to know shortly I am sure." Steadily, he was growing more exasperated with his bosses theatrics.

    Bush flashed his increasingly blood-shot eyes at him and answered in a quieter voice, "We'll go to the sit-down. We'll go. But if he's raiding Kissimmee, he could raid any one of us. Any bank, any clan, it doesn't matter. This man is obviously showing the country that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. We need to be on guard around the clock. The clans used to govern themselves and the President respected that. If we wanted to play around with numbers or have a few people roughed up, we could, providing we played nice with the government. This... I just don't know." Bush slumped down again. "This man... Steele is insane. He thinks he is some sort of Moses, coming down from the mountain to break the idol. I don't even think he's that religious but I'll be damned if he isn't a moralizing son of a bitch."

    Anderson sat his mug down and took off his tortoiseshell glasses, biting the arm as he thought. Raising a bushy brown eyebrow, he asked, "Why do you think that is, Mr. Bush?"

    Bush muttered, "He likes to control people. Other than that, I don't know. I don't know. Anderson, have my personal aeroship readied. I want full defensive operations. I don't think Steele is gonna blow us out of the sky in Philly, but I'm not taking the risk of going down without a fight like a bunch of toothless clay pigeons." The grizzled New Jersey titan of capitalism rose from his chair and made steady eye contact with his secretary for the first time in a while, his face growing more determined. "And at any rate, we might answer to the President, but the Banking Clan answers to no one else. We're going to cruise into Philadelphia looking like we could level that den of vipers."

    "Sir, couldn't that be viewed as a bit of, shall we say, aggressive posturing to the President?" Anderson picked up his mug and took another sip of the black brew. "I would think he would not appreciate one of the most powerful men in the Union landing in his capital with a small army. Rubicons, and whatnot."

    The CEO shook his head, beginning to walk across the dark orange paisley carpet to the office door. He grabbed his fedora and briefcase before turning around in front of a gilt-framed painting of Custer on his wall. "Survival of the fittest, Anderson. Men like Steele only respect power. We're going to showboat. The Banking Clan is strong, Anderson, very strong. We own this country. And if we're marching to our execution, then we're going to go in style, damn it all."

    ***

    The meeting of the clans in Philadelphia was a major event, the likes of which were unseen in almost 15 years. To be sure, there were times when individual or several of the clans would be called in to discuss important affairs on the President's agenda, but this total recall was unheard of. When the Banking Clan flew into Philadelphia airspace, there were already so many sky vessels that it almost blotted out the sun. Every major company in America was converging onto one spot, and with every company CEO came their corporate officers and teams, their secretaries and butlers. It was a sight unseen in the modern era. Sam Bush watched in awe from the observation deck of his personal aeroship, the dark-green Spirit of Hoboken, as the other businessmen were coming in for landings. The Banking Clan was supposed to put down at Crawford Park by Yankee Stadium, but the cluttered airways were making that a long and very tedious process. Many of the nation's top dogs had arrived by car, but the real show-offs of Pinnacle Power were coming in their caravans of aeroships, just like Bush. To the north, Bush could see the Bank of the Main's flagship, Tropic Beauty, coming in, its silver body gleaming in the sunlight like a metal Cuban cigar. It's massive propellers whirred on its aft-end, slowly circling the city just like the Spirit of Hoboken, waiting for clearance to land.

    All across Philadelphia, there were giant observation towers staffed by Aeroforce crew to guide the ships down via talkiebox communication. Several smaller aeroships were flanking Bush's ship. These were the Credit to the Country and the Greenback--armored defensive ships to put on the show that Bush had desired. All around them circled the innumerable biplanes and prop-jobs bearing Banking Clan and Bank of the Union insignia. These flew in impressive formations, and the citizens thousands of feet below watched in awe at this show of force and wealth. Bush popped a Go-Go Pep lozenge as he continued to watch the goings on from the large window on the observation deck at the front of the ship. All around him were men in dark green uniforms bearing Bank of the Union insignia moving from switchboard, over to control wheels, and to engine access points, making sure the Spirit of Hoboken was flying high and not dropping like the lead brick it was built like. It was a state of the art vessel, just built in 1926, and it was Bush's favorite thing on earth aside from his wife Flora. He was stressed as stressed could be, but it still made him really proud to see what his wealth could do. Here he was, floating through the skies of the capital of the most powerful nation in the world on what previous generations would not have even dreamed of building. It dwarfed even many of the government patrol aeroships that were also hogging up airspace. The Bankers might have been one clan of many, but they were going to make an impression all right. They were showboating.

    However, unfortunately for all involved, it was not going to be the type of impression which was desired. As the Tropic Beauty grew nearer, heading straight toward the Spirit of Hoboken, Bush began to sweat a little. Airspace was tight, but he could imagine no reason as to why such a modern vessel would need to fly so close to his own. It was then that he noticed one of its propellers was not spinning anymore. Odd, thought Bush. That shouldn't be happening. He hoped all was well. That was when, like a wretched ashy finger, black smoke started to trickle across the cloudless blue morning sky. Panic set in immediately. The Tropic Beauty was on fire on the aft end, apparently ablaze in its propeller drive shaft bay. This was bad. This was really bad.

    Captain Henry Simmons' voice could be heard over the intercom of the Hoboken as the alarm klaxon roared and red lights flashed. "Alert! Alert! We have a clipped ship inbound! Alert! We have a clipped ship inbound! Everyone to your stations and prepare for evasive maneuvers!" Dozens of Bank of the Union aeromen dashed about in a frenzy of activity. It was like they were going into battle.

    The CEO watched in horror as the crew of his ship began to ready parachutes and recited prayers aloud over the din of the klaxon. He himself was quickly handed one of the parachutes by an officer in the bridge. Strapping it on, he began to shake uncontrollably. He had never had to jump out of an aeroship before, and he really didn't want there to be a first time. But as the Tropic Beauty drifted closer and closer despite the Hoboken attempting evasive maneuvers, it was becoming increasingly clear that he would likely being facing his fears today. The airways were simply too stuffed with traffic all about to safely and quickly move out of the way. Overhead were several aeroships carrying the executives of Craig-Jordan Rifles and Rounds, while down below were a sea of supporting Banking Clan ships. It was potentially going to be a massacre. Bush worked hard to swallow. In a few moments, he opened a pouch on the side of the parachute pack and took out a breathing mask in case of fire or fumes. After he donned the mask, he could hear himself breathe, each exhale fogging up the glass eyeholes a bit. The Bank of the Main vessel was drifting even closer and began to list entirely to one side as its props all began to shut down on its larboard end. What had been a smokey finger now was a fountain of black clouds that would put the smokestacks of the Colonel Ford plants in Chersonesus to shame. Visible flames now licked out as well. It was close enough that Bush could see panic-stricken crewmen dashing from one window to another.

    About half a minute later, an explosion rocked the Tropic Beauty, sending debris and shrapnel showering down onto the city below. It's aft end was pulverized, all props shutting down. It was going down, but it was still headed toward Bush's ship first. Captain Simmons rushed up to Bush, his brown leather boots clacking against the steel deck of the bridge. "Mr. Bush! Sir!" he cried through his own mask. "If we fire upon the wounded vessel we may be able to save ourselves! But if we don't do something momentarily we are going to have abandon ship! Your orders?!"

    Bush breathed in and out several times, contemplating one of the most horrific moments of his entire life. If they didn't fire, there was a huge chance that the Tropic Beauty would hit them head-on. If they used their turrets and grinders and brought it down, they'd be killing fellow Banking Clansmen but would be likely saving themselves. Finally, Bush pointed at the Bank of the Main vessel and said calmly, "Bring it down, Captain."

    Within another thirty seconds, a massive barrage erupted from the Spirit of Hoboken. The crew of the Tropic Beauty was already beginning to bail out of their ship before the barrage began, but many were still inside, no doubt being ripped to pieces. Some could even be seen as the bullets hit home, puffs of red mist marking kills. In short order, several more explosions ripped through the ship, sending more shrapnel and corpses falling to the ground far below. Horrified pedestrians dashed for cover, women and children screaming in the streets. At last, the entire ship burst into flames like a lump of dry wood dipped in kerosene, sending it crashing down at high speed. Bush knew that government anti-aircraft guns had realized what was going on and had joined in on the manslaughter. It missed the Spirit of Hoboken by only several hundred yards. Bush wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, but he couldn't. This was an absolute catastrophe. Never before had an aeroship crashed in the national capital, let alone one belonging to the Banking Clan. The Tropic Beauty had been carrying Bank of the Main CEO Jeffrey White, second most powerful banker in the entire Union. He could easily be among the dead. Parachutists filled the sky, falling to the earth through the smoke like fallen leaves. The Tropic Beauty crashed into a housing district, setting the neighborhood on fire. However, fire brigades were already on stand-by and they rushed to the scene, alarms ringing out over the screams and explosions.

    ***

    Late that night, Samuel Bush was laying in his bed at the Marigold Hotel in downtown Philadelphia, still trying to stop shaking and still fully dressed in his suit. Though he had funded the deaths of millions, Bush had never seen combat or an emergency situation in person. He had never been near death. It was horrifying. Over 200 men had lost their lives that day in the greatest civilian air disaster in Union history. Jeffrey White's body was found south of Independence Hall, more charred pancake than corpse. Twenty civilians had been killed by the falling debris and actual crash. It was a bloodbath. Bush, a man who had funded genocide, let out a single sob. Then the phone rang.

    He dragged himself off the still-made bed and slowly walked over to the phone on the suite coffee table. "Yes, this is Bush. Hello?" he said quietly.

    A young man's voice came through on the other end. It was a clear, military-style voice. "Hello, Mr. Bush. All hail. Stay on the line for the President. He wishes to speak with you."

    A cold chill ran up Bush's spine at those words. It was the last thing he wanted to do in that place or time or ever, but he dutifully remained on the line. Steele's familiar, unassuming voice could be heard after a few moments. "Hello, Comrade-Patriot Bush. All hail. I trust you are safe?"

    Bush forced himself to reply quickly, "All hail, my Atheling. I am fine, thank you, sir. That was... quite the experience earlier. Such a tragedy. Do we know what caused the Tropic Beauty to go down yet?"

    Steele let out a soft chuckle. Definitely not what Bush expected or wanted to hear. "I do. I blew it up."

    That line caused Sam to almost choke. What on earth could the President have meant? Was he losing his mind? "Sir...?" he reluctantly edged the President on to explain.

    Steele said again, "I blew it up! You're welcome, Sam."

    "Sir? I don't understand...."

    "Hear me out, Sam. Story time. I. Made that ship. Explode. No more Bank of the Main! You're welcome." Steele clearly was telling the truth and was not even batting an eye to admitting he had just committed mass murder of fellow citizens. "You're now the only game in town. Huzzah and all that."

    The world started to spin even worse than it had when he thought he was going to die. "You... killed those people? Why? Sir? What is going on?"

    Steele continued in a matter-of-fact voice, "I am, how you say, consolidating things. Trimming the fat, as it were. And Bank of the Main had been naughty little boys with their taxes last couple years. Now, I could have just raided Bank of the Main's offices and done it that way, but I am a big fan of chance. Or, I should say, I am quite interested in natural selection and I want only the strongest man in charge of something so invaluable as the Banking Clan. So I tested you. I wanted to see if you would kill to survive. It was a hell of a thing, waiting to see if you would actually bring that ship down to save yourself. But you did it. You lived. Thursday, when we convene at Yankee Stadium, I will announce I am formally handing over all Bank of the Main assets to Bank of the Union. You will be the undisputed national bank. No competition. This will be tremendous for the economy."

    "Sir, with all due respect...." Sam trailed off, growing short of breath and biting his tongue from saying something that could probably get him a firing squad.

    "Yes?" Steele pressed him, his content, almost cheery tone of voice now taking an edge. "Comrade-patriot, be careful what you say to me."

    Bush felt his body go numb. "Sir, with... all due respect... thank you."

    Steele chuckled once more. "That's the spirit! I'll see you Thursday, my good man. Chin up, you have been chosen by fate! You're going to do great things, Patriot-Comrade Bush. All hail!"

    After he returned the salute, Steele hung up on him. Bush slowly leaned against the wallpapered hotel room wall and let himself slide to the floor, still clutching the receiver. "My God," he murmured to himself. "He's a fucking maniac."
     
    ROUNDERS: THE WORLD SPORT
  • Here we have a rare guest chapter, by DocBrown, with a few details courtesy of yours truly. I'll be threadmarking this right around the "Yankee Stadium" purge chapter, I think. It can also be presumed that Chuck Oswald once again was named after Chuck Musgrave, like 1.0, but in 2.0, Joe Kennedy makes that decision.

    ROUNDERS: THE WORLD SPORT
    PART I
    image.JPG

    Chuck "Mustache" Musgrave of the Hoboken Green Caps (later Athletics) up to swing

    The future world-wide sports phenomenon known as rounders originated in Hoboken, New Jersey. The sport owes its existence to an earlier English children’s game also called rounders. It was English immigrants fleeing the collapsing monarchy who brought it to Hoboken, where the natives and immigrants modified the game and made it their own. When these first players of rounders grew up, they took it to the local athletic club, located at 301 Destiny Avenue, Hoboken, where a statue was erected in 1935 following a fire that destroyed the original building. The club began touring around their area, playing ad-hoc local teams of blue-collar workers and a few middle-class men looking for a fun evening. It quickly escalated into something serious and widespread. By 1872, it was being played all over the Northeast and Midatlantic regions.

    While for the most part the clubs played internally, once or twice a year the various athletic clubs would play against each other. It was during these inter-club games that an early problem came to light: the inconsistency in rules. The confusion usually served to provide a quick laugh, but overall made the games a frustrating environment for player and spectator alike. With the growing popularity of the sport, the major athletic clubs that played rounders assembled in Hoboken in 1874 to create a consistent set of rules. The Hoboken Committee settled things such as field size, positions, roster size, and the number of innings. With common rules set up, the clubs established the National Rounders Association (NRA), which was divided into two leagues. Each year, the best team from each league would face off against each other in the “National Championship”, commonly referred to as the Musgrave Cup in honor of the first MVP and later Commissioner of the NRA, Chuck "Mustache" Musgrave.


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    Earliest known photo of a rounders game

    Original 8

    • League A
      • Boston Blue Caps
      • Dover Purple Caps
      • Hoboken Green Caps
      • Sandusky Red Caps
    • League B
      • Camden Gold Caps
      • Hartford Brown Caps
      • New York Orange Caps
      • Shicagwa White Caps
    Hoboken dominated the early NRA, winning 4 of the first 5 Championship titles. Then came the Philadelphia Yankees in 1879. Lead by former Camden Gold Caps star pitcher Sam Langley, the upstart team was formed when half of the Gold Caps were fired by the local Athletics Club Chairman. They were only allowed into the NRA due to the shenanigans of Hoboken, a decision that would come to haunt them. In 1880, the Yankees swept National Championships in an upstart victory against the Hoboken Athletics and began the 10-year-long winning streak that would cement the Yankees as “America’s team.” In 1894, after almost two decades of playing in a poorly built park, "unfit for Better Men of Pinnacle Blood," Custer sponsored the construction of a new, grand stadium in downtown Philadelphia for the Yankees. When it was completed, it was a truly colossal structure, and it was the largest athletic facility in the entire world. Nicknamed "The House that Custer Built," Philadelphia Grand Ballpark became a national icon. In 1927, it would also be the site of a massive gathering and purge of the Industrial Clans upon the orders of Custer's successor-son, President Joseph Steele.

    yankee_stadium_aerial_view-jpg.478649

    Aerial photo of the Philadelphia Yankees' stadium, circa late 1920s

    8732529381_b897d403cc_o.png

    Throughout the 1880s to the start of the Great World War, the popularity of rounders continued to spread across the nation. Some teams folded, others relocated, and new teams joined the NRA such that by 1910, the organization looked like this:

    • Liberty League
      • Cincinnati Sluggers
      • Crawford Wolverines
      • Haddonfield Brewers
      • Hoboken Athletics
      • New York Highlanders
      • Philadelphia Yankees
      • Sandusky Red Caps
      • Shicagwa Brown Caps (fmr. Hartford)
      • Toronto Blue Caps
    • Destiny League
      • Boston Patriots
      • Camden Minutemen
      • Lewis City Pioneers
      • New York Giants
      • Oshkosh Vikings
      • Philadelphia Keystones
      • Pittsburgh Pinnacles
      • Prophetstown Palookas
      • Shicagwa Slammers
    Despite the continued popularity of rounders, the NRA refused to allow any teams to form West of the Mississippi (save Lewis City, whose mayor threatened to raise taxes on ships going up the Mississippi to Shicagwa unless his Pioneers team was allowed into the NRA). The athletics clubs in Oregon, New North Anglia, and Redemption were so fed up of being snubbed by the NRA that they formed their own league, the Pacific Rounders Organization (PRO), in 1900 and included the following teams:

    • Coastal
      • Barnumsburg Trekkers
      • Salem Generals
      • Springfield Pioneers
      • Evanstown Mercuries
    • Mountains
      • Aurora Bisons
      • Shoshoni Falls Mountainmen
      • Spokane Giants
      • Yuta Stars
    EUROPEAN VACATION

    Rounders wouldn’t be called a world sport if it was just limited to the RU. Europeans had heard of that “strange game” of rounders as early as 1873 but it never really caught on. It was only during the 1889 Imperial Exposition that the sport received any serious attention from the average European. The Wild West Spectacular, led by Bison Bill, would regularly play games of rounders during their off time at the expo and regularly invite curious onlookers to join in. The spectators tricked in on the impromptu games and by the end of the expo Paris FC faced the Americans in a highly attended game that ended in a tie. After the expo, rounders, or as the Europans called it, "baseball," spread like wildfire. Baseball clubs spread across the continent, necessitating the creation of the Ligue Européenne de Baseball (LEB) in 1901. While football would never fade away on continental Europe, baseball would always be its equal in enduring popularity.

    Interestingly, Britain herself was not part of the LEB. Unlike the rest of Europe, England and Scotland never attended the Imperial Exposition, and therefore were not exposed to rounders. Instead, modern rounders was introduced to Britain through Winston Churchill and the ENP. Churchill encouraged the various Young Men’s Christian Associations (YMCA), which were funded by the ENP starting in 1902, to play rounders instead of football. Once Churchill came to power, football was banned overnight, the professional teams now forced to play rounders or fold, as "football is a deviant mongoloid invention." All chose the former, thus giving birth to the British Rounders Association. The banning of football flew in the face of its ancient British history, but at the time it was so popular with Catholic Latin Europe that it was deemed unfit for Britannic culture and its ancient history erased overnight.
     
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    YANKEE STADIUM: A SEAL IS BROKEN
  • YANKEE STADIUM:

    THE SEAL IS BROKEN
    Yankee_Stadium_Aerial_View.jpg

    Philadelphia's Yankee Stadium was packed that sunny overcast day. It was September 1, 1927, a dreary Thursday morning, and all the clans were gathered together to hear what President Steele had to say to them. They would soon know why he called every major corporate head to Philadelphia. Almost 40,000 businessmen, all dressed to the nines, sat nervously in the blue stadium seats awaiting Steele's arrival. Some birds flew overhead and let out harsh shrieks. They were starlings. Some of them let their bombs drop, sending droppings showering down on the businessmen below. The men disgustedly wiped the feces off with handkerchiefs and scowled. They had been waiting for over two long hours. Steele was supposed to arrive at 9 that morning, but it was now almost noon. The clock ticked on and the corporate officers were growing increasingly worried that Steele would never show. Perhaps this was his way of utterly mocking them and making fools out of them. Perhaps he was showing the nation that these so-called titans of industry and Strongmen were a pack of monkeys, serving as Steele's amusement.

    In the center of the stadium, right on the pitcher's mound, was a wooden platform of dark-stained pine that had been erected the night before. At its center was podium bearing the seal of the President. Behind it were four flags. The first was the Union national flag, of course, the second was the flag of Pennsylvania, the third was the Presidential standard, and the fourth was Steele's personal ensign, the Eagle and Anvil. Forged from red-hot metal, this giant of a man had become a man of iron will. He was everything and everything was him, these days. To many citizens, he was like a father-figure, all-knowing, all-seeing, and he always knew just what to say. While at first he was more standoffish and quiet, rarely displaying humor or even rarer smiles, he had come a long way since 1914. He had become Uncle Joe. He was increasingly known for his wisecracks, quick wit, and commanding presence. While back in the day men like Theodore Roosevelt or Billy Sunday tried to stand up to him, none dared to now. Not after Kissimmee. Not after the call went out ordering the clans to convene.

    Though Steele had not arrived, the stage was not empty. On folding chairs sat the unofficial heads of the different clans. Henry Ford, head of the Industrial Clan, sat next to his chief competition for that title, Ichabod Goodyear. The portly Ichabod had not forgotten the Summer Slaughter of Aught-Nine. He had not forgotten his cousin Charles Goodyear II's brutal death. He still thought Ford had been behind the massacre, and Ford thought Family Van Buren was behind it. The two men had already smoked a pack of Mortons between them, and their unease was clear to all. Next was Sam Bush, the man who just a few days before had had to shoot the Tropic Beauty out of the sky to survive. He sat with a pale complexion. He hadn't slept in two days. He popped a Go-Go Pep. Ser. Ebeneezer Eustace Pink, the "Modern Prometheus of Food Safety," sat nearby, representing the Agricultural Clan, the largest of the economic clans. The armaments industry was represented by Willard Pierce, of Colonel Pierce Industries, and Lewis Johnson, of Craig-Jordan Rifles and Rounds. Harvey Cox sat next, head of the Distillery Clan and CEO of Republica Beer. Finally, Ryan Hendrick was nowhere to be seen for the Media Clan. He was down south in Florida "rescuing" his darling bride from kidnappers. His absence greatly worried the other industrialists, as they feared they were walking into a duck-shoot and his favored status in the eyes of Steele was saving him.

    Fears about being executed were not unfounded. Over 2,000 ORRA agents patrolled the stadium. The way to get into the stadium was through only a few special doorways, with the rest of the stadium's normal wide-mouth entrance closed off. Every single man who entered was frisked. It had taken hours for ORRA to get through them all. No one had been carrying a pistol so there was no excitement or any arrests. The boredom of the seats was tedious, but at least it beat standing in line for four hours when everyone knew no one would dare be packing in Steele's presence. The guards, however, were definitely carrying high-caliber weapons. Snipers were posted all over the roofline, looking down into the crowd of Clansmen. In the dugouts on the sides of the field, command centers had been established, with ORRA officers with massive radio systems monitoring everything from there. In front of the wood platform stood about 100 ORRA officers in dress blues. They had been standing there for hours, boots perfectly apart, their white-gloved hands behind their backs, their forage caps tilted at just the right angle, their faces emotionless as could be. Each man carried an M-1909 Philadelphia Craftworks pistol. The almost manikin-like appearance of the ORRA men made everyone even that much more uneasy. They seemed like they were about to whip out their sidearms at any second and execute the Clan heads. But they didn't. They just stood silently and motionless, save for the gentle flapping of the ORRA flags held over every 20 men or so. What was the most worrying sign to the Clansmen, though, was the highly unusual absence of newspapermen and photographers. There were none to be seen anywhere. Only official government photographers were at hand.

    Little did anyone know that, high up in the broadcaster's box--the place where famed talkiebox man Art Perry narrated games for Uncle Sam's Talkiebox Station--President Joseph Steele sat with a plate of eggs and bacon. Smiling, he wiped the crumbs of fried eggs from his mustache and took a sip of hot water from a mug bearing the Presidential seal. The windows of the box were tinted enough that no one could tell he was there. He had enjoyed the show all morning. He had arrived in the box at dawn. After a short nap, he had had his daily briefing from his generals by phone before ordering the breakfast he was now happily munching on. He was a health fanatic, and he always had a plate of two scrambled eggs and three pieces of bacon every single morning, and he would down it, quite oddly, with a mug of hot water. He never drank Sweet Victory, or any soda, and seldom imbibed any strong liquor other than the occasional glass of wine from his personal vineyard. As he took another sip of hot water, he chuckled to himself. He was really pleased with this situation. In fact, it was the best entertainment he had had in a long while. Supreme Chief Patton sat in his wheelchair next to him, enjoying a fine coffee, extra cream.

    "You know, Patton, this is the funniest thing. Who needs talkies when you can have flustered businessmen by the thousands all sitting in one spot waiting on you to lift a finger?" Steele said with a jolly tone.

    Patton laughed along, quite genuinely. "I agree, Mr. President," he said, a smile on his face. "Watching these mooks make fools of themselves is quite entertaining. When do you want to get the show on the road, though, sir?"

    Steele looked thoughtful for a moment before taking the napkin out of his blue stand-up collar. He placed the napkin on his now empty plate and pushed it to the side. Then the President answered, "Well, no time like the present, I suppose, George." At that, he grabbed the announcer's microphone and flipped the little silver switch on the control panel on the desk. A loud feedback noise reverberated through the rounders stadium, making the horde of businessmen look about wildly and confused. "Attention, patriotic-comrades of the Industrial Clans! Welcome to Yankee Stadium. This is your President, Joseph Steele. All hail!"

    Every single man, no matter the age, practically bolted out of their seats like impalas sensing a cheetah nearby. Every single man raised his right arm and screamed "All hail!" The salutation could be heard all over Philadelphia, it was done with such force and vigor.

    Steele pushed the button again and said with a cheery tone, "I apologize for the delay you have long suffered through. I have been hard at work guiding this country into the light, and I assure you, I also had a magnificent breakfast." As Steele's laugh echoed through the stadium, silence greeted it. No one was sure if they should laugh or if it was some sort of bizarre test. "Anyway, I shall be down shortly to tell you all why I brought you here. Patience is also next to Godliness, you know."

    In about ten minutes, Steele had moved down to the field, flanked by a gaggle of ORRA guards and Patton at his right side being pushed along in his wheelchair. Steele's unassuming blue uniform, with it's high starched collar and simple riding pants stood out from Patton's much more garish attire, with a ribbon board the size of his face and a black silk sash. No one had sat down or lowered their arms the entire time. As the Presidential March blared forth from the band directly in front of the podium, sweat dripped down into the Clansmen's eyes while Steele crossed the field and ascended the steps of the podium. Every step was deliberate. Behind him, two ORRA guards prepared to lift Patton, chair and all, up the stairs. The ORRA Supreme Chief motioned for them to stop as Steele turned around to check on one of his only friends. Steele raised his eyebrow, curious as to what Patton would do.

    "My Atheling! I can walk!" Patton said, pride in his voice. He pulled himself out of his wheelchair through sheer willpower, his legs supported by braces under his pant legs. He also carried a white rolled up sheet of paper with an official red seal in his left hand. Slowly, he grabbed the rail with his free hand forced himself to move each leg one step at a time. Everyone was still stretching their arms out in salute and the only sounds that could be heard was the jingle of Patton's medals. Finally, he reached the top of the platform and stood next to Steele at the podium.

    Steele stretched out a hand and laid it on Patton's shoulder. "Gentlemen!" the President shouted. "Behold, a true Pinnacle Man, strong in fluids and pure in blood! Supreme Chief George Patton! All hail!"

    "ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL!" came the cries of the Clansmen, their voices feverish.

    After seeing Patton to his seat, the chair reserved for Hendrick, Steele returned to the podium. After another nails-on-chalkboard feedback noise, Steele began his speech and motioned for everyone to finally lower their arms and sit once more.

    "My fellow patriot-comrades! Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth! Today is a beautiful day that God has provided us. Every day, no matter if the sun shines bright or if there are clouds like today, is a beautiful thing. Some would say there is beauty in the imperfect. That days like this are not as good or desirable as bright and sunny days of May and June, but that they are still beautiful in their own special way. While that may be true for days, it is not for human beings or citizens of this grand and ever-victorious realm. There is not beauty in imperfection. In the imperfect citizen, there is only a leaching cancer on society, not an interesting or exciting divergence from the norm. I think, truly, that most who are so admirably in attendance today would agree that there is no place in Union society for the imperfect. Or at the very least, those who do not strive for perfection in all things they do in mind, body, and soul. Now, let's get down to brass tacks. I know you have no idea why I brought you all here. I know you're dying inside to see what purpose I have for this prestigious assembly of minds. I will now explain, in no uncertain terms, exactly why I brought you here.

    America has a long and very tragic history. We went from rebellious yet victorious ragtag colonial uprising, to an era of Federalist treachery, to a damnable war allied to our present foes. We saw destruction on scales unseen in history. Whole cities went up in flames. But from the ashes, men like Colonel Goodyear pulled us up by our bootstraps, rebuilding our economy and nation into something which would never again lose a war. After we rebuilt our society on the blessed words of the Prophet Burr, may he rest in peace, we experienced the Godsent rule of Father Abraham, who restored our covenant with our Southron counterparts and ended the primitive and diabolical practice of slavery forever. After a period of stagnation and depression, we finally arrived at the Manifest Destiny Party. The Party is the state. The state is the Party. Like a horse and carriage, there cannot be one without the other. Everything must have worth to the state and the party. While we are blessed by the Savior to live a comfortable American life in this beautiful New Jerusalem, one must not grow too comfortable.

    Life, and history itself, is a struggle. A battle. It is survival of the fittest, as Horatio Gibbs and Charles Darwin said last century. All of history since the fall of Rome has been a race to Armageddon, a battle to rebuild what the godless savages and steppe demons raped and fornicated out of our blessed Pinnacle bloodline. They thought they could breed out God's Chosen! They thought their Inferior, bestial fluids could sap and impurify ours. Miscegenation! A war to destroy our blessed bloodline! Since July 4, 1776, the Pinnacle Man has been returning fire!"

    "ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL! ALL HAIL!" chanted the crowd of businessmen until Steele once again motioned for them to sit. He continued:

    "As I said, life and history is one enormous war, pulling and twisting, but marching to an inevitable conclusion; that being, the conquest of this good green earth by the Pinnacle Man, rebuilt, whole and pure again. However, there are those among us who seek only the profits and luxuries of this fallen world. They seek not to build toward the New Jerusalem, but only to see their miserly piles of silver eagles grow and grow, at the expense of others. They seek only to enrich themselves and if something doesn't directly benefit themselves then they don't have an interest. These creatures, these false Pinnacle Men, these lecherous apostates, they seek only personal gain. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of ones labors, or being wealthy. There is nothing wrong with Goodyearian capitalism. However, as I said earlier, gentlemen of the United Clans of America, everything must have worth to the state and the Party. If both parties benefit, and grow richer, there is nothing wrong with that result. But when these aforementioned cave-dwelling traitors steal from the state or Party, they steal not only from the New Jerusalem but from Jehovah himself. These worthless excuses for human beings reveal themselves to be Inferior in the truest sense: they have heard the Good News, and they reject it. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one of these false Pinnacle Men to enter the Kingdom of God."

    Visible unease quickly swept the sweaty faces of all the businessmen as they cast glances all around. What had begun as a political rally was now a fire-and-brimstone sermon. As Steele continued, many began to smoke nervously or popped pills of various varieties. The stress was palpable.

    "These traitors must be rooted out and destroyed. We stand on the precipice of world conquest. The fight will be long and hard and bloody and unpleasant and dangerous and full of terror, but the Pinnacle Man will triumph! This victory is assured, as laid out in the Book of Revelation and the Four Books of Manifest Destiny, but it can be delayed or pushed back by guttersnipes from within. Man, since the Fall, has been gifted with free will. History is predetermined, but each man must live his life in accordance with faith, Party, and state. It is a battle on an individual level. Every man must prove his worth to faith, Party, and state. Where there is falseness or lying or cheating there is a false Pinnacle Man. Where they be, there is no worth. They are Inferior animals through their own determination. Through their own free will, they have rejected Truth. Gentlemen and scum, I brought you here, to this stadium, for one purpose. I am going to separate the wheat from the chaff. For years, I have lived in peace as your President, and in those quiet years I have been watching. Judging silently. Remembering wrongs and the names of those who have committed them. I have compiled what I like to call the Steele Scroll. Like Father Abe writing down the names of the naughty and nice children for Remembrance Day Eve, I have carefully decided who has shown themselves to be lying Inferior scum. Take a seat, gentlemen, because your day is about to become a nightmare if you have sinned against Party and state! I will now leave you in the capable hands of ORRA Supreme Chief George Patton. Mr. Patton, please break the seal!"

    Panic fully gripped the Clansmen, many of whom began weeping, stretching out their arms to be spared. ORRA officers began to rapidly move through the stadium, sidearms drawn. Some ORRA men with radios coordinated their path.

    "First and foremost," began Patton as he matter-of-factually took to the podium, still supporting himself on braces, "I wish to thank President Steele for giving me the pleasure of reading from this scroll. My Atheling, I salute you!" Patton swiveled uneasily and stretched out his arm at Steele, who now sat in his seat. The heads of the Clans watched with abject horror as Patton popped the red wax seal off the scroll he had been holding. "Christopher Montgomery, CEO Cottonwood Plantations! Please rise!"

    Somewhere in the left field bleachers, a blonde-haired man of thin proportions stood, stretching arm out in salute, tears pouring from his eyes. "Here!" he cried, his voice cracking. He knew what was about to happen. ORRA officers were already headed his way, sidearms drawn.

    Patton nodded and read from the scroll once more, "For anti-American behavior, for soliciting prostitutes, for the abandonment of your illegitimate children, and for disgracing yourself and your company, President Steele sentences you to be shot until dead. May Jehovah have mercy upon your soul."

    As the blonde man let out an unending series of cries for forgiveness, the ORRA men closed in. An officer grabbed each trembling arm as another held a pistol against the back of his head. "Long live Steele!" screamed the ORRA executioner, pulling the trigger and sending chunks of brain and blonde hair showering onto the executives below. Every aisle now featured weeping businessmen, scared out of their wits. The ORRA men let go of Montgomery's arms and his headless body slumped down onto the concrete floor below.

    Patton spoke again. "Thank you, gentlemen," he said, referring to his ORRA goons. "Wade Berle, executive vice president of Smiling Sam Fisheries, please rise!"

    A pudgy bald man in a white suit stood slowly, trembling and bawling hysterically the entire time as ORRA executioners headed his way. "Here..." he mumbled, flailing his right arm out in salute. "I am loyal! I did nothing to deserve this!"

    Patton ignored his cries and announced, "Mr. Berle, for anti-American activity, for submitting fraudulent tax forms to the Office of the Treasury over a period of six years and resulting with you stealing an estimated 600,000 silver eagles from the state and Party, President Steele sentences you to be shot until dead. May Jehovah have mercy upon your soul."

    The man tried to run for his life, pushing other businessmen out of the way. "I didn't do it! I didn't do anything to deserve this! This is madness, I tell you!" However, several businessmen grabbed him, obviously hoping to prove their loyalty by pinning him down. When the ORRA men got their, a quick bullet to the head and another shout of "Long live Steele!" reverberated throughout Yankee stadium.

    Patton continued without a moment to lose. "Ryan Williams, President of Williams and Keller Tool and Die, please rise!"

    An elderly man in a tweed suit stood calmly, raising his right arm. "I am here, Supreme Chief!" he said in a deep baritone. His face showed no emotion. If he was scared, he certainly wasn't showing it.

    "For anti-American activity, involving copulation with an Inferior of Society and sapping and contaminating the precious bodily fluids of our society, President Steele hereby sentences you to be shot until dead! May Jehovah have mercy upon your soul."

    The old man didn't move a muscle as the ORRA officers closed in for the kill. As he waited for them to arrive, he said to all who could hear, "I love her. My darling girl. I have loved her for twenty years. I didn't think anyone knew. I hid our love to keep her safe, not because I am ashamed. My precious Irish rose. I will see her again. I will see her again. I am ready."

    Steele smiled to himself. This was only the beginning. He would purge this country of its weakness.

    Boom.

    Thud.


    "Long live Steele!"
     
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    THE FAMILY ARKHAM: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF AN ALL-AMERICAN BLOODLINE
  • THE FAMILY ARKHAM:
    THE LIFE AND TIMES OF AN ALL-AMERICAN BLOODLINE
    arkham.jpg

    Parson and Colonial Governor Acton Arkham leads the population of Plymouth in the first Thanksgiving

    The following is a propaganda pamphlet originally published as THE FAMILY ARKHAM: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF AN ALL-AMERICAN BLOODLINE (ORRA Publishing, 1927, by W. B. Scott).

    The Family Arkham, as it is stylized in the way of wealthy New England antiquarian dynasties, is an ancient one, having originated in Cambridgeshire, England, many lifetimes in the distant past. By far the most famous member of this family before the 20th century was Acton Arkham (b. 1581), a Brownist parson of Nottinghamshire. It was the young Acton Arkham, the right honorable parson, who was one of the most renown Puritan ministers of his time. It was Acton Arkham and the fiery William Brewster who led the original Puritan Dissenters League out of Scrooby Manor in nothern Nottinghamshire. Scrooby was a tiny town, just a night's stop on most people's travels, but the Arkham-Brewster congregation of Puritans there would quickly become a thorn in the side of the Church of England. Archbishop Tobias Matthew came to power in 1606 and sought to purge both Puritan Dissenters and Papists from the kingdom, and he set his sights on Scrooby.

    To spare you, the reader, a long, drawn-out story likely already well understood and common knowledge among the average Yankee, I shall not relate to you in full detail the story of the crackdown from the English Throne and Church upon the Puritan Dissenters League, as Archbishop Matthew no doubt cackled daemonically at the top of his manor turrets. Nor shall I recount to you the well-worn story of the flight of the hapless Puritans, now Pilgrims, from Scrooby as the loathsome authorities, coward bully-cads and thieves all, closed in upon them, ever tightening the noose of tyranny. As all school children are aware, failing to attend Church of England services, something which the Puritans had no desire to do, was punishable by fine and imprisonment. As the government cretins closed in on these brave souls, men and women of Pinnacle Blood who merely wished to worship Jehovah in their own way, they of course knew they had no other option but to leave dear Old England, the Anglo-Saxon homeland, for another realm in which to dwell in peace.

    But after these things they could not long continue in any peaceable condition, but were hunted & persecuted on every side, so as their former afflictions were but as flea-bitings in comparison of these which now came upon them. For some were taken & clapt up in prison, others had their houses besett & watcht night and day, & hardly escaped their hands; and the most were faine to flie & leave their howses & habitations, and the means of their livelehood.

    - Of Plymouth Plantation, or, How God's Children did Flee the Abysmal State of the Current Anglo-Saxon Homeland (by Andrew Arkham, published 1650)

    The Puritan Dissenters League pooled all of their resources together and fled to Holland in 1607. They set up their homes in the city of Leiden, where they remained for a number of years. Parson Arkham, the great foreseer that he was, feared the eventual loss of Pinnacle Fluids within his congregation however, as Dutch culture and language seeped into their host in a most untenable and undesirable way. Arkham and Brewster summoned their congregation to a large rally of sorts and they agreed to venture to the beautiful, evergreen shores of the Royal New England colony. In 1620, the Pilgrims departed aboard the Speedwell, one of the ships used to defeat the Spanish Armada during the glorious reign of Queen Elizabeth, but certain pernicious ne'er-do-wells among the crew, forsaking their Christian duties to uphold their Anglo-Saxon bloodline, tried to sabotage the ship, no doubt to continue living lives of effulgent excess and debauchery in Europe. After shunning their duties to Christ and kin, they themselves were in turn shunned by the congregation upon the order of Parson Arkham, who first discovered their treachery with the aid of the crewman Robert Cushman. After selling the Speedwell, the Mayflower, a sturdy tub of a vessel, was then chosen to ferry these 120 God-fearing folks to the New World. Parson Arkham was married to Patience Cromwelle (b. 1586), a distant cousin of a future famous politician and Man of God you likely are aware of, and she was well along in pregnancy when the Mayflower departed. The 34 year-old matron gave birth to their seventh child, Oceanus, during the voyage. Oceanus would go on to live a hard but memorable life.

    For these & other reasons they removed to Leyden, a fair & bewtifull citie, and of a sweete situation, but made more famous by ye universitie wherwith it is adorned, in which of late had been so many learned man. But wanting that traffike by sea which Amerstdam injoyes, it was not so beneficiall for their outward means of living & estats. But being now hear pitchet they fell to such trads & imployments as they best could; valewing peace & their spirituall comforte above any other riches whatsoever. And at length they came to raise a competente & comforteable living, but with hard and continuall labor.

    - Of Plymouth Plantation, or, How God's Children did Flee the Abysmal State of the Current Anglo-Saxon Homeland (by Andrew Arkham, youngest son of Acton Arkham, published 1650)

    When the Pilgrims landed in Plymouth in November of 1620, Parson Arkham led the outcasts and sailors in a reading of scripture:

    Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing. Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

    - Psalm 100, as read by Parson Arkham aboard the Mayflower when New England came into view of the Pilgrims

    Thanks to the help of English mercenary Myles Standish and some friendly Native Americans (whose soulless forms were utilized by God to serve the Pinnacle Man; may their spirits rest in the Void), the new colony was able to survive a harsh winter that decimated half their numbers. The adult males signed the Mayflower Compact, one of the key documents in the founding of the Old Republic and the glorious, ever-victorious Republican Union, and chose Parson Arkham to be the first Colonial Governor, handing out righteous punishments and securing the land for the rule of God's Chosen People under the commands of God's Word, which inevitably led to God's Truth enduring to all generations when it took the form of the American Fundamentalist Christian Church. Indeed, sermons and books by Parson Arkham were some of the most well-worn of all the ancient leather-bound manuscripts and tomes that can still be found on display in the Prophet Burr's (MHRIP) house and museum in Princeton, New Jersey. A painting featured above of the First Thanksgiving now hangs in honor in the Philadelphia Crypts, under the original Fundamentalist Church, where Patriot-Saint Arkham's earthly remains were laid to rest a second time following their relocation from Plymouth in 1848. His soul may belong to Jehovah, but his body now lies next to George Washington, the Martyr Arnold, and Daniel Shays, among many other splendid men of God and country who now dwell in the Holiest of Holies in the entirety of American Fundamentalism.

    In 1637, after the colony became well-established, tensions rose between Dutch fur traders and the hearty Plymouth settlers, and caught in the crossfire of angry words and ill-hidden threats were the red-skinned subhuman savages of the Pequot trib, longtime arch nemesis of the good Christian folk of Plymouth. With growing fears of war, the colonies of Massachusetts Bay, Connecticut, New Haven, and Plymouth joined together to form the United Colonies of New England, a veritable Puritan Anglo-Saxon homeland. Those ululating and daemoniac creatures of the tribe continually warned Jehovah's Chosen to stay out of their territory, which meant losing out on valuable furs, pelts, and other trade goods that were ripe for the picking there. It is no surprise, then, that Myles Standish was ordered by Parson Arkham to take some of his best men and assault the Pequot chief's village in an attempt to cut the head of the devil-worshipers. This they did, crippling the tribe. Within weeks, however, the savages returned fire by raiding the town of Wethersfield, Connecticut, the foaming, blood-thirsty murderers butchering and savagely beating and lacerating innocent women and children. This was not to stand unpunished! The Puritans of New England, now far greater in number than those original 120 Mayflower passengers, called upon their New England alliance to exterminate the Pequots in the name of Jehovah. This they did with great vehemence, sparing none and utterly wiping the red-skins off the face of the earth in the manner of ancient Israel in the Old Testament. Such are the wages of sin!

    Things were not all sunny and bright for New England or the Arkham family, however. In 1638, during the height of the Pequot War, Parson Arkham was butchered by Pequot tribals while on the road to a revival in Connecticut. His scalp was taken and his body left in a roadside ditch. The Arkham family and the people of Plymouth cried out for revenge, and the savages responsible were eventually impaled upon pikes in front of the charred remains of their village.

    Now the Arkham family fell to Oceanus to lead, as his older siblings had died during the Hard Times at Plymouth. Eventually, the young man was chosen as Plymouth's new governor shortly after his marriage to Patience Standish, niece of Myles. His rule would be uneventful until the 1670s and Metacomet's War. This ghastly conflict started when Metacomet, chief of the Wampanoag tribe, demanded settlers leave the new town of Swansea for being too close to his home of Mount Hope. Rather than accept his laughable demands, Governor Oceanus Arkham himself rallied 500 good men of the colony together to march on Mount Hope and demand the sale of the area to Plymouth. When the Wampanoag refused, all-out war erupted, seeing savage atrocities committed by the Wampanoag which would be met by righteous retaliation from our Puritan forefathers. What a time to live! Despite massive losses, the Puritans triumphed, slaughtering or selling the surviving Wampanoag into slavery. Almost the entire savage population of New England was immolated during this great struggle.

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    Oceanus Arkham

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    The butchering of peaceful settlers by the red-skins during Metacomet's War (1675-78)

    Oceanus would live to see the establishment of the Dominion of New England, a successor to the United Colonies, to which he was appointed governor. However, the Glorious Revolution in England in 1688, which saw Queen Mary II share the English and Scottish thrones with her Dutch Husband, William III. This era of William and Mary saw the Arkham family live in quiet but noble retirement, away from the public eye for the first time in a century. Oceanus Arkham would pass in his sleep in 1690, at the age of 70.

    Now the Family Arkham entered a new era. God-Fear Arkham, Oceanus' eldest son (b. 1640), led the family through this peaceful period, which lasted under the outbreak of Queen Anne's War in 1702, as part of the larger War of the Spanish Succession. This conflict took place all over the glorious continent of North America, far beyond merely New England. But God-Fear Arkham was quick to raise his own regiment and fight the Papist dogs and their Wabanaki compatriots. His men, known as the Plymouth Brethren, served under Major Benjamin Church during his assault into Acadia. The Jesuit bastard Father Rale was leading the savages against the colonial Americans, and his death in 1724 destroyed the red-skin alliance and saw the triumph of the Anglo-Saxon Pinnacle Man once again, all while the Family Arkham continued to leave a legacy of service, courage, and loyalty to Jehovah.

    Now at peace once more, the 84 year-old Captain God-Fear Arkham knew it was time to leave this mortal realm. He passed in late 1724, age 84, leaving the dynasty to his son Cadwallader Arkham, a man of far less rugged features or skills as his forefathers, but still a man's man and gentleman about town nonetheless. Cadwallader demolished the old family home in Plymouth and rebuilt it as Arkham Manor, a splendid, sprawling mansion and vast plantation indeed. Cadwallader led the Family Arkham to prosperity it had never before seen, buying out numerous whaling fleets and developing a fortune based on the whale-oil business.

    Cadwallader's son and heir was an impious and deviant man named Acton Arkham II, a traitor to his name. He was born to Cadwallader and his wife Susanna in 1683, the great-great grandson of Parson Arkham brought shame to his name, associating with prostitutes, street urchins, and gamblers. Acton II so incensed his father with his rapscallious and delinquent tendencies that he was officially shunned from the family and forever forbidden from becoming heir. This role instead went to his oldest younger brother (out of eight siblings), Standish Arkham (b. 1685), a chap of grim disposition and no uncertain morality, he was something of a spitting image of the Puritans of yore, well-known for his hellfire and brimstone sermons which would go on to heavily influence the works of Jonathan Edwards, the Prophet's (MHRIP) grandfather and caregiver as a child. One of the biggest influences on American Fundamentalist Christianity, Standish was well-known for venturing off into the woods to commune with Jehovah and he would come back with sermons that would thrill and uplift the holy and condemn the wicked. He was perhaps most famous for the so-called Snake Incident of 1701, when he was bitten by a rattlesnake and suffered no ill effects. Some believed it a modern miracle, and he would develop a tradition of serpent-handling during his sermons. When Standish took charge of the Family Arkham upon his father's death in 1717, it wasn't enough for him to exile his brother from New England. He summoned his brother to Arkham Manor, "To feel God's wrath upon him for besmirching the blessed name of the Family Arkham." Terrified out of his mind, Acton took the small amount of money he had, stole a family-owned merchant vessel from Boston Harbor named the Thanksgiving, and took to a life of piracy on the high seas, eventually earning a reputation as the "Gentleman Pirate."

    It was Captain Arkham who would, after the death of Blackbeard in 1718, fill the gap as the most wanted man in the Atlantic. He was famous for saying, "My grandfather sailed for God, but I sail for the Devil and a good time." His infamous "Demon Flag" struck terror into the hearts of unprotected merchant vessels everywhere the Thanksgiving could reach. He would eventually be brought to justice by privateers off the coast of North Carolina in the spring of 1724, after his ship's rudder and main mast were destroyed in a showdown. Returned in chains to New England on July 1, 1724, he was marched through the streets of Plymouth to a waiting gallows. His brother Standish happily gave the last words before the trapdoor switch was pulled and Acton Arkham II hanged for piracy, barbarism, lawlessness, theft, and brigandry. As his unfortunate brother swung on the hangman's rope, Standish said simply, "Family Arkham never forgets."

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    Acton Arkham II marches to the gallows in Plymouth (1724)

    The next few decades for the Family Arkham were spent in quiet and with a well-earned wholesome reputation, and Standish Arkham continued to lay the foundations of the Great Awakening movement in New England. He would die at age 75 in 1755. Never having been blessed with a son, only fathering daughters, Standish passed the patronage of the family down to his younger brother Todd's oldest son, Ahab (b. 1710). Ahab Arkham served in the colonial military with the rank of colonel, and he was very much present for most of the battles of the French and Indian War of 1754-1763. He served under General Edward Braddock and alongside George Washington during the ill-fated expedition to take Fort Duquesne (modern day Pittsburgh) from the French. Ahab barely escaped the massacre with his life, while also saving George Washington's at least once during the maddening slaughter all about them. It was Ahab Arkham who would become one of George Washington's closest friends and a staunch patriot during the War for Independence.

    "It is my firm belief and decision, especially after reflecting upon my family's past disobedience to the Crown for what is right, that the Arkhams and myself will go to any length whatever to support the revolutionary cause of independence and a future American nation. May God shine his light upon it and guide it forever."

    - General Ahab Arkham, Continental Army, 1776

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    General Ahab Arkham

    Ahab was present as well for Valley Forge, and the Martyrdom of Patriot-Saint Arnold, and was reportedly great friends with the Prophet Burr (MHRIP) throughout their time together fighting for this glorious and ever-victorious New Jerusalem's foundation. When the time came sign the Declaration of Independence, General Ahab Arkham was pleased to put his pen to the paper and became the 57th man to sign the document. After American Independence was won, he became one of the elder statesmen who fought against the Federalist cause and refused to let Adams and Hamilton have things their way. He said he was keenly disappointed in the Continental Congress's inability to draft a new constitution and warned that the Articles of Confederation would lead to great turmoil and struggle. He wasn't wrong. Ahab would live longer than any of his forefathers, living to see the Fall of the Old Republic in 1801 and the execution of Adams and Hamilton. In the last couple active years of his storied life, he entered the cabinet of First Chief Consul Willard Crawford. He would die in 1812, age 102, in the midst of the Canadian invasion of New England. The estate his great uncle built was occupied by redcoat soldiers who then attempted to set fire to it during their retreat. Most of the building would be salvaged. But Ahab could not bear the losses his country was seeing and thus passed soon after of natural causes.

    Ahab had outlived his own son Andrew (1734-1808). The Family Arkham's head seat at the dinner table thus passed to his grandson, Andrew's eldest, Abraham Arkham (b. 1764), a veteran of the War of 1812 who had fought long and hard during the counter-assault into Canada at the war's end. He was one of the chief financiers, years later, who supported Charles Goodyear's rise and the introduction of the New Slavery. He also developed a hatred for Family Van Buren, one of his family's chief rivals in New England. Abraham also personally funded much of the construction at Benedict Arnold University of Boston and became one of the college's chief donors. A statue of him was erected outside of Miskatonic Hall, the main building used on campus for debates and other assorted politicial gatherings. Abraham married Silvia Crawford, daughter of Willard Crawford (b. 1770), and they became the first members of Family Arkham to formally profess belief in the Prophet Burr (MHRIP) and our wondrous American Fundamentalist Church.

    The faithful and true patriot Abraham Arkham became very wary of the Southron nations' intentions in the build-up to the Great American War and warned that a conflict was going to happen, and it was just a matter of when. However, he viewed the coming war as fulfillment of the Prophet's Word and also of the Book of Revelation. Before he died in 1846, he predicted the South would start the war, and they would indeed do such a thing just a handful of years later with the Georgian Navy's sinking of the O.K. Sultan in 1858. Family Arkham would provide dozens of capable and highly-intelligent officers and soldiers to Lincoln's Grand Army of the Republic, with an Arkham fighting in almost every major battle. They would rally to the Second Sons of Liberty under Abraham's son, Moses Acton Arkham, who would rule the family until his death in 1865. During the interim years and the era of the weak presidents post-Lincoln, Wolfe Washington Arkham (b. 1801) would try to do his best to assist the flagging Union economy, and he would live to formally endorse the Manifest Destiny Party and George Custer's revolution.

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    Julius Caesar Arkham

    This almost catches us up on how the Family Arkham has always been at the frontlines of our glorious Union, always fighting for Jehovah and President. But we still have one last story to tell! The story of how the Custer-Steele Family came to marry into the Family Arkham. That story begins with Wolfe Arkham's grandson and heir Julius Caesar Arkham (b. 1861) assuming power following Wolfe's death in 1890, age 89. This younger Arkham rose to the rank of the Thane of the Party under Custer and then Steele from the period of about 1898 until his death in 1933, age 72. His youngest daughter, Millicent Arkham (b. 1890) was considered one of the most beautiful and desirable women of New England, and President Custer very much wanted his adopted son Michael (Joe Steele) to marry her to join some of the biggest American families into one entity. Steele and Millicent contrasted quite heavily, as Joe was a man of simple taste and style whereas Millicent was loved fancy clothing and opulent jewelry, but Steele was instantly head-over-heels in love with "Darling Milli," and it most certainly wasn't just a marriage of convenience as Papist propaganda asserted. On December 1, 1910, Joe Custer-Steele and Millicent Arkham were wed at Philadelphia's First Fundamentalist Church in a lavish ceremony full of pomp, circumstance, and bureaucrats. The wedding was one of the largest ever seen in America, with tens of thousands of citizens gathering in the streets to cheer on the procession of white carriages. At the rear of the parade sat Steele, his hair slicked and sporting a tuxedo and a top hat (a rare sight to be sure for such a simple man) and next to him sat his darling Milli.

    In 1917, three years after Steele was sworn into the Presidency, Millicent gave birth to Wyetta Arkham Custer-Steele, a tiny, beautiful little girl with coal-black hair. She now roams the Presidential Mansion in Philadelphia with her younger brother and only other sibling, Marcus Aurelius Arkham Custer-Steele (b. 1920). Her cute features have made her the darling of the nation, her face adorning posters everywhere as the ultimate representation of Anglo-Saxon Teutonic Purity. She loves to watch rounders games at Yankee Stadium with her family and enjoys feeding Castor and Pollux, the twin alligators who are kept as pets in the Presidential Mansion. She often enjoys the company of her extended family at Arkham Manor during vacations from the capital, outings with her branch of the Girls' Custer Youth Brigade, she plays the piano, guitar, and can read Latin, Greek, Aramaic, and dabbles in High Enochian and angelic spells. Not bad for a girl of ten years of age! Marcus Aurelius Arkham Custer-Steele, though only seven, tells his father and mother every day how he wishes to be a great soldier, just like his father and grandfathers on both sides of the family and is very excited about joining the CYB. With such Pinnacle Blooded children as the future of America, how much longer is it before we truly create the New Jerusalem and purge the world of sin and strife? All hail!

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    First Lady Millicent Arkham-Steele

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    Wyetta Arkham Custer-Steele

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    Marcus Aurelius Custer-Steele (photo taken sometime in 1930s).
     
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    PENNSYLVANIA JACK AND THE MAGICK GRIMOIRE: PARTS 1 & 2
  • OOC: I wanted to write something wacky and this idea popped into my head. I'll finish it in parts 3 & 4. Just a an experiment.


    Pennsylvania Jack and the Magick Grimoire
    was the first adventure of the titular character, created by author Eric Barrow, Jr., and it was published in the June, 1929, edition of Bizarre Fiction Monthly. Bizarre Fiction Monthly was printed in Pittsburgh, and it had a few decent characters and frequent contributors, but it would be Barrow's Pennsylvania Jack stories that would would skyrocket the magazine to popularity nationwide. In 1935, actor Max Cross would star in the first Pennsylvania Jack talkie, and the character's popularity only continued to grow, decade after decade. The following is that first short story from Bizarre Fiction Monthly.

    PENNSYLVANIA JACK AND THE MAGICK GRIMOIRE: PARTS 1 & 2
    by Eric Barrow, Jr.
    Published in Bizarre Fiction Monthly (June, 1929)

    PART ONE

    The name is Jack Roberts, Private Eye. Used to live in Pittsburgh, but moved to Boston to open up my own small-time detective business. Everyone here calls me Pennsylvania Jack. Busted the Addams a case a while back and kinda made a big name for myself. Right now, I'm writing this from the inside of a pub called the Whaler's Daughter on 32nd Street. I figured I'd write down my adventures of the past couple weeks, because it's been pretty balls-to-the-wall lately and I think I might be able to make better sense of it all if I put pen to paper and start dropping my jive. I don't know, maybe it'll be--how they say--therapeutic. To say I've had an interesting life lately would be to put it quite mildly.

    It all started when I was sitting in my office, smoking a Morton. I had my dogs kicked up on the table, Uncle Sam's Talkiebox Station playing some patriotic tunes as I waited for my next client. It was a slow month, with only a few cases to work. Most of my customers just want me to spy on a spouse or family member, or perhaps they ask me to look into Mr. Schwartz across the street because they resent him and wish to destroy his reputation to keep up with the Joneses (I'm an honest Joe, not a subtle one). To put it simply, my cases aren't generally very exciting. The Economic Clans have thousands of investigators on payroll, and don't need to outsource to guys like me. The government, thanks to ORRA and RUMP, sure as heck doesn't need me. So my cases are usually small-fry jobs. I work for a couple days, submit my findings, and then cash my check. It doesn't matter if I find what people want, because I get paid either way. It's not my fault if they send me on a wild goose chase, and I make that very clear the moment they hire me.

    But anyway, like I was saying, I was sitting there in my buffalo-hide Sternbeck chair, one of the few luxuries I afforded myself since I sit on my rear most days. I was having a swell time, and I was about to doze off with a minor key melody courtesy of Uncle Sam, when I heard a knock at the door. Through my frosted glass door window I can see the shape of someone of rather small stature rapping and tapping both timidly and aggressively at the same time. It went on and on without stopping. "Okay, okay! Jeez! It's unlocked!" I shouted with a tone of general annoyance at the stranger's behavior. "Let yourself in!"

    As soon as the words left my big fat smacker the door flies open and this short broad in a purple pencil dress barges in, with a look on her face that could give the best actors in Kissimmee a run for their money. I mean she was dee-straught, absolutely panicked. Her skin was like porcelain and she sported massive dark circles under her hazel eyes. She clearly hadn't slept in days. She carried a small clutch in one hand and a dainty black umbrella in the other. It was raining something fierce that day, so while she stood in the doorway a lightning bolt lit up the sky behind, followed by a rolling crack of thunder. When she entered my office she slammed the door behind her without saying a word.

    Now this was quite an unusual client already, as you can deduce, and her antics rather unsettled me. I hoped she wasn't being chased by the mob or something like that and leading them here. Or maybe she was just some airhead, high out of her mind on lozenges or Boogie or both. Those things are for small doses, not the benders the party animals in Society's Betters used them to slam through. I sighed, got my feet off the desk, and held out an unlit Morton. "Morton's Finest, ma'am? Let off some steam and let in some smoke?"

    The bimbo looked at me finally, those hazel eyes staring me down from behind the circles. She would have been pretty if she wasn't so distressed and obviously exhausted. Finally, after several awkward silent moments, the broad finally answered, "Yes... yes, a cigarette. Sure." She slowly approached me and held out a hand to grab the Morton. As she raised it to her lips she plopped herself down in the seat across from me. It was a worn out metal folding chair.

    I held out a lighter and studied her more closely as she leaned into the light, her hands shaking. Judging by her fingers, she had never done a hard day's work in her life. Though her clothes were a bit wrinkled and disheveled, they were of good craftsmanship. Expensive clothes and dainty hands meant my price just doubled. I smiled, knowing I was gonna make a good few bucks off her. I'm a business, not a Fundie charity shop, so don't judge my practices. Anyway, I could tell she wasn't right in the head. I kept a bottle of Cuba's Finest in top left drawer, so I took it out and poured her some of the brown booze into a little shot glass and slid it across the desk. "Have a sip," I said.

    She eyeballed real strange like, as if she had forgotten where she even was, before snatching the rum up and downing it in one gulp. She seemed to stop shaking so much and collected herself. Finally, she spoke. "My name is Doris Sandwich, of the Plymouth Sandwiches. I need help."

    "Don't we all?" I joked, letting out a light chuckle. The bimbo didn't laugh.

    "I am in serious danger, sir. Something truly beyond what you are accustomed to, I assure you," she replied in a quiet but high voice.

    I sighed. I really was hoping she wasn't referring to some sort of murderous guy-pal, as I wasn't some kinda RUMP officer. I spied on people and collected dirt; I wasn't a gun for hire. If I wanted to kill for cash I'd be an Overton boy. "Ma'am, I am not a bodyguard. I carry a .38, but that only gets used once a damn decade. I have a number for the local Overton office if you'd like to hire a gun--"

    She cut me off. "--This is not a job for a mercenary, sir. I am Doris Sandwich of the Plymouth Sandwiches, and if I wanted to rent a thug I could very well do so." She eyed me with a sudden dignity, even behind the dark circles. New England Old Blood for you.

    "Ma'am, er, Miss Sandwich, what is the case? I like to know what I'm getting into right off the bat. No secrets," I said with a sigh. I snuffed out my Morton in my 1776 commemorative brass ashtray I kept on the desk, a souvenir from the 1876 centennial celebration that I found in a local junk shop over on Clancy Street. I'm a man of simply style. I pulled another Morton out of the pack and prepared to light up. I had a sinking feeling I wasn't going to like this case.

    "It's about my future husband, Archie Williams," she answered, her voice growing more squeaky and scared. "I... I'm afraid he's gotten himself into some stuff with which he never should have tangled. He's a darling boy, but he's ever so reckless. I warned him to leave well enough alone, but his search for adventure and stories to tell have led him to do some truly foolish things. I am so worried not only for him, but for me as well."

    I winced visibly and knew what was coming next. "Miss Sandwich," I said after a drag from the cigarette, "Is this a drug thing? He runnin' absinthe, or something? If he's done something illegal, please phone up your nearest RUMP office at 1-7-7-6 and due your civic duty and report him."

    She waved her hand and looked annoyed through the exhaustion. She replied, "No, no, nothing like that. I believe... I believe... he has opened a gateway."

    My eyebrows raised and I took a deep inhale from the Morton before asking, "A gateway? What kinda gateway?"

    Miss Sandwich looked down at the desk and began to shake again. Slowly, her straining voice answered, "I believe gateway to the Other Side."

    In my fright, my cigarette fell out of my mouth and onto my lap, scalding my leg. "Sunovgun, these are my good trousers!" I yelped as I stood up and smacked at my gray wool pants to extinguish the flame. I slumped back into my seat, sweat starting to trickle down my forehead even though I had a fan pointed right at me. "Ma'am, call a preacherman and have him deal with it. I don't mess with stuff I don't understand."

    She began to cry and reached out a hand to touch mine. Through the tears the broad said, "Oh, sir, please help! I think this is life or death and if I call the authorities they will lock him up for practicing Magick without a license from the Church! I will pay you whatever you ask, just please help my darling Archie. He's not a bad boy! He was almost All-American in the CYB, and he goes to Church every Sunday. He just is in over his head. Please help us." Her chin trembled as she spoke and she looked truly hopeless.

    Now, I'm a businessman, just trying to earn a nickel, but this bimbo sittin' here crying her eyes out and me leaving her high and dry just didn't sit well with yours truly, see? I couldn't believe that I was about to throw myself into this mess. "I better get made a Ser for this," I moaned as I took a notepad from my shirt pocked and flipped it open. Uncapping my fountain pen I leaned forward and prepared to write down the case. "Miss Sandwich, I'm gonna try--against my Better judgement--to help you and your lover boy, but if this don't work out or it gets too weird for me, I'm gonna have to drop you off somewhere safe and I'll have to call up some ORRA boys to deal with your sorcerer's apprentice. Now, what's the first thing I should know? Why in the Prophet's Name--May He Rest in Peace--did he open a flap-jacking portal to the Other Side? And why did you act like you were being tailed on your way in?"

    She stared at the clock on the wall behind me. It was from an old Yankee Telegraph office and it had Yankee Doodle on it, giving a wink. As she watched the second hand tick by, she said, "He wanted to summon the spirit of his grandmother, to ask her is she was proud of him."

    I snorted, "Well, I'm sure she'd be a lot more proud if he didn't open up damn portals to the netherworld, wouldn't she?"

    She continued, ignoring my acidic commentary, telling me, "She passed when he was just a young thing, but she was the world to him. He's at Benedict Arnold University now, studying to be a doctor. He just wanted some confirmation from her and thought it sounded exciting to try to contact her. He's always been fascinated with the Other Side."

    "Okay, okay," I said, jotting down a few lines. "What's with the acting like you were tailed here? What are you not telling me?"

    She bit her lip as she continued to watch Yankee Doodle's smaller arm circle around the old clock. "I think he has let things through which should not be let through. I believe he has recited incantations from the
    Magick Grimoire."

    My mouth hung open in shock. If I was smoking when she said it I would have dropped my Morton again. "THE Magick Grimoire?" I asked incredulously. "Surely no B.A.U.B. student would be foolish enough to recite the spells of that cursed book just to say 'toodle-loo' to Grandma Sue! Where would your Archie even get somethin' so evil?" The Magick Grimoire is a legendary book supposedly written by an outcast member of the Council of Jehovah named Brother Sparrow, way back in the 1850s. I sure as heck didn't want to believe it was real. And why on earth would a good Fundie B.A.U.B. student read it even if he could procure it? I was already thinking about calling ORRA when I it suddenly clicked. She was worried the forces of darkness itself were tailing her. This little blonde number was leading who-knows-what right to my doorstep!

    More tears came down her face and she said, "I don't know. I told him not to mess with things he didn't understand unless he was an ordained minister and trained by the Tobias Institute, but he performed the rites two nights ago, in the parlor of his home at Beacon Hill. He kept going on about how the stars were aligned and how the time was right."

    Still terrified I had some kinda demon outside my office door waiting for me, I asked immediately, "What was following you?! What came out of the portal?"

    Her face fell to rest on the desk and her arms went over her head as she cried even more hysterically. She blubbered, "Oh, Mr. Roberts, it was horrible. They had bright yellow eyes, and the cackled and cackled! I fear Archie has let harpies and bugaboos into Boston!"

    I gulped, poured a shot of rum for myself, and downed it in one go. I shuddered. I knew who I had to call. "Miss Sandwich, where is Archie now?"

    She looked up and answered, her eyes bloodshot, "At his h-h-home. When I left him he was... he was trying to read i-incantations from the book to s-seal the portal." She was trembling like a leaf. I felt sorry for her.

    Against all my better judgement, I looked her dead in the eye and told her, "It'll cost you. I know you can afford it. But yeah, I'll help you best I can. But if it gets too crazy, I'm gonna call up ORRA and they'll have to take over the case. You dig?"

    She looked at me, looking hopeful for the first time. "Yes! Thank you, sir! Me and Archie will never forget this!"

    "Yeah, yeah," I said, waving my hand. "I just better not regret this."


    PART TWO

    "I definitely regret this, Miss Sandwich," I said with a sigh as I pulled us up outside the stately manor on Beacon Hill. There was a sense of dread hanging over the whole place that really dug down to the pit of my stomach and made me more than a little uneasy. I was sitting inside my 1922 Runabout, Miss Sandwich at my side. I took a copy of the Fundie Bible out of my glovebox and handed it to the lady, telling her, "Recite some verses if anything crazy starts going down, you understand?"

    Miss Sandwich, her blonde locks now tied back in a loose bun and her eyes tired as ever, only shook her head. "Okay... I can do that. Please don't hurt Archie, sir."

    I frowned and drew my .38 from my underarm holster. "I'll do my best. So tell me, how long you known Archie? Has he ever displayed... diabolical tendencies before?"

    She frowned back and replied, "Why, no, he's the perfect image of an American boy. He's wonderful."

    I chuckled disingenuously. "Yeah," I huffed, "Just swell. Except for the part where he read incantations from the world's most evil book. Other than that, he's peaches." The broad didn't have a comeback for that one. As we walked down the cobblestone path to the ancient stone porch, she clung to my arm, the Bible in her other hand. I eyed the massive front door rather warily as we grew nearer, our steps on the stones the only sound to be heard. As we ascended the three steps to the door, I checked my gun one last time. Then I braced myself and turned the knob.

    The 18th century door creaked open like a coffin, revealing the dimly-lit interior of the colonial mansion. Rather than use the electric bulbs clearly visible on the ceiling, tealights were all over the house, basking it in an eerie glow. "He said the candles were necessary," Sandwich told me. "He says the spirits hate electricity... or something, I don't know."

    "Where is the parlor at? You said that was where he performed the rites?" I asked. I was so infinitely creeped out by this place that I was starting to think I should just turn around and call ORRA in.

    She pointed down the hall to the left and answered, "That way. I do hope he is still there."

    I raised an eyebrow. "Does he have plans for a bloody vacation in CoCaro?" I asked with no small amount of sass and annoyance. "Where else would he be?"

    She shrugged tensely. "I don't know. He mentioned something about how he needed to go to the graveyard. King's Chapel, on the Freedom Trail. I didn't understand everything perfectly. He was rather scattered in his explanations."

    I grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Are you not telling me everything? Why does he need to go to King's Chapel? They stopped burying people there ages ago. No way in hell is his grandma there. You sure he ain't just some heathen on a bender?"

    She bit her lip and looked like she was about to confess something. She was avoiding eye contact, a dead giveaway. "No!" she said. "Archie is better than that! Just because he dabbles in things he shouldn't doesn't make him evil."

    "Dabbles?" I asked, my temper rising. "You make it sound like it's his damn hobby, lady! I though this was a one-time attempt by a sad boy to see his dead nana, not some warlock. You sure he didn't intend to open this portal? After all, how did he even get the Grimoire? He was seeking darkness out! And Pennsylvania Jack don't do seeking darkness, honey. If your boy isn't in that parlor, cursed book ready to burn, then we're gonna be having an interesting phone call to the Tobias Institute in a few minutes."

    "Look," she said, once again making eye contact. "I am a Plymouth Sandwich. My family is well-known for exotic and rare book collecting. We have over 30,000 books in our library, all first editions, all unusual or classic. Archie kept asking me to let him see my father's study bookcase, where he keeps the most rare or interesting ones. I kept telling him no, but when he agreed to marry me if I showed him the book, I broke and did it. He said he wanted to speak to his grandmother again to get her blessing for the marriage."

    I was absolutely furious she happened to leave these juicy tidbits out. "Oh, that's great," I said, "Kid wants to contact the Other Side and gets his dumb blonde gal-pal to help him talk to a bunch of bugaboos. Lady, I swear, if he's not in that parlor, we're calling in backup. Let's go!" I charged forward, gun at the ready. In a flash, I busted into the parlor, kicking the door in; I was not in a mood for seeing if it was locked or not. The room was a typical New England sitting room, with lace doilies on knobby-legged tables and large bookcases on each wall. There were more tealights at the center of the room, arranged in a circle. Inside the circle was a bald eagle, the national bird, a symbol of America, with its throat torn out. Various cursed-looking items sat around the corpse of the poor creature, and the smell of sulfur hung heavy in the air.

    Sitting on the floor in front of the gruesome portal or whatever it was a young man with with jet black hair, shadows obscuring his face. He wore pinstriped trousers, a light blue shirt with white cuffs, and a black vest. A half-undone black tie wrapped around his neck, and a nasty-looking book was in his lap. He looked up at me, his eyes flaming blue, massive black circles under them. "Doris?!" he screamed in a wretched, almost mechanical voice. "Doris! I told you not to doublecross me, woman! The rites must go uninterrupted! I am almost done!"

    I stared down the creature of a man, sweat pouring from my face as I pointed the gun at him. "You, son, just messed with the wrong God-fearing American! Killing a bald eagle is a capital offense, you bastard!"

    He laughed with glee and pointed a wagging, pale finger at me. "You think I care? I'm about to raise the dead and you think I care about some dumb bird? You fool! When I welcome the Great Beasts to this world, I shall have your eyes pecked out by vultures!"

    "Great Beasts? What in the name of the Void are those?" I asked, contemplating shooting him right there. But... I wanted to know what he was doing. It was so bizarre. I just wanted an answer.

    He smiled demonically, a smile unnaturally stretching seemingly from ear to ear. "The harpees and bugaboos shall rise from Hell itself and destroy the Republican Union! Starting with Boston! I shall be the vessel for Phaedra Magno to destroy this God-forsaken country once and for all! The New Jerusalem shall burn, Yankee pig-dog!"

    I had just about heard all I could stand. With rage pumping through my American veins, I squeezed the trigger. Sandwich kept screaming with every bullet, the dumb broad. I pumped all six rounds into the kid and watched his body slump forward, limp as a dead fish, onto his precious portal. "Well," I said, blowing the smoke off the end of my gun, "One demonic college kid less in the world. Good riddance, Archie."

    The bimbo ran over to his corpse, hysterical. "Oh God, no! Archie! I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I never should have brought him here! Speak to me, Archie!"

    I saw a nearby liquor cabinet. I holstered my pistol and helped myself to a glass of whiskey. Calmly sipping it, I went over to the nearby candlestick phone. "Hello, operator," I said into the mouthpiece. "This is Jack Roberts, Private Eye. I need to report Un-American activity on Beacon Hill. Old Williams place."

    "Hold please," said the female operator.

    I loud click later and another voice was on the line. A gruff, male voice. "All hail! You are speaking with Comrade-Patriot Thorne, Boston ORRA. How can I help you today, citizen?"

    "All hail!" I greeted in return before taking another sip of booze. "Yes, this is Jack Roberts, Private Eye. You might remember me from the Addams case a few months ago, not that I want to toot my own horn or anything."

    After a long pause, as if to scratch his head, Thorne replied, "N..no, I don't remember you."

    I sighed. "It was a big hubbub, mac. Old lady Addams was swindling her family to feed her absinthe habit."

    The officer seemed more annoyed now, telling me, "No, bub. I don't. Boston's a big place. Do you have an emergency, 'sir?'"

    "Yes, I do. I need ORRA boys down to the Old Williams place on Beacon Hill. Black magic case. Open and shut though. Just need the boys down here to clean up and make it legal."

    "Wait, so someone's dead?" the ORRA man asked, concerned.

    "Yes," I replied. "He was doing some kookie ceremony to summon demons. Ghastly stuff, pal."

    He sounded flustered. "Ugh, we need to take yous guys' licenses to kill away, dammit. Fine, I'll get a RUMP squad out there in a couple hours. We have a patrol coming through at 3 am anyway. Just leave everything like it is."

    It was my turn to be flustered. "No, this is a shitshow, officer. It needs to be cleaned up now, and ORRA needs to look into it. It gives me the heebies, pal. The Magick Grimoire is here. You know, that one book that allows you to summon demons from the underworld and destroy the planet. You know, that one."

    "Sir," he said with an uppity voice, "You shot this man, you're gonna have to stand by until RUMP can arrive. We have a very packed schedule here at ORRA. Scrawl some Enochian on the floor by the body, or whatever the hell. This is Boston, the second capital of the Union, and we can't afford to send a squad of America's finest out every time some amateur detective shoots some poor sap in the face for owning some fairy tale book that my pop told me scary stories about before bed."

    "Oh, Sargent Thorne," I smiled, knowing I was about to win the argument with this clincher, "There's a dead bald eagle here in his living room."

    "That bastard!" roared the ORRA man. "Okay, okay, I'll have a squad there in fifteen minutes."

    I hung up the phone and made myself comfortable in a nearby Napoleonic era reading chair. I took another sip of my drink as Sandwich continued to lament the loss of her lover. Blood pooled all over the oak floor, and it now covered the front of the poor broad's dress. I grinned smugly as I said to myself, "Wild animals get put down."

    Not ten minutes later, three navy blue armored Colonel Ford trucks pulled up outside, sirens roaring. Neighbors had already been gathering since the sound of my deadly gunshots, and now they were milling about, watching about two dozen ORRA officers leave the trucks and come into the house. A thin man in his late twenties with an impressive brown handlebar mustache and a gold-braided uniform was clearly in command. I could also tell that from his magnificent hat. "Alright, men! Lock this place down, nobody in or out!" he ordered. As he stood in front of the portal and Archie's corpse, blood slowly pooling toward the tips of his shiny black boots, he muttered, "What in the Void?" to himself, taking off his pinch-crown hat and scratching his bald spot. He knelt down and examined the book. "Bloody hell," he said with horror, his face aghast, "This book really is real? My God...."

    I walked over to him, extended my hand casually and said, "Jack Roberts, Private Eye, sir. All hail and whatnot. I bagged you a gen-u-ine demonboy, officer."

    "So I see, comrade-patriot. Well done, I suppose." He stood again. "Bastard got what he deserved for killing the national symbol. Still, where in the hell did he get this book? This thing is disgusting."

    "Oh, he got it from his girlfriend, Doris Sandwich over there!" I said, pointing at the poor thing. She was now huddled in the corner, still blubbering hysterically. "Of the Plymouth Sandwiches," I mocked in a nasally, pompous voice.

    The ORRA officer knodded, "Ohhh, is that so? Well, we'll be having a very interesting conversation with Miss Sandwich," he said, sticking his pinkie finger out like he was having tea with Caesar, "down at the station! Men, arrest that woman over there! She brought this eagle-killing scum a black magick book!" Dutifully, a couple goons nearby closed in and dragged her away, her body limp and finally buckling to exhaustion. He turned to me, "I'm Captain Stewart. I must ask you to accompany me to the station as well to give your testimony. Formality of course. Then you'll be free to go. A grateful Boston thanks you for your service, comrade-patriot. I'll see to it that the mayor learns of this!"

    I gave him a salute and smiled. I was finally making a real name for myself. Making it big. I knew this time would come. But I still wondered... "What are you gonna do with the Grimoire?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

    "We'll transport it to the Tobias Institute, where Comrade-Patriot Lovecraft will decide on what step to take next. He'll probably incinerate it. I'll tell you one thing! I'll be happy as a Mick in an absinthe store to get it out of Boston." He cautiously opened the first page before closing it as fast as he could. "By the Prophet, May He Rest in Peace! This trash will give me nightmares!"

    "Yep," I agreed, "I feel the same way." I finished the whiskey before telling Stewart I would drive myself to the station. It was gonna be a long night of paperwork. I sighed, turned the key, and began to follow the departing ORRA truck....

    READ THE NEXT ISSUE OF BIZARRE FICTION MONTHLY TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

    Will the Grimoire reveal its secrets? Is Miss Sandwich really an accomplice or a well-meaning fool? Is Archie Williams really gone for good? Read the next issue of this magazine to see what happens when the Magick Grimoire is transported to the Tobias Institute... and how Pennsylvania Jack will handle his continuing adventure against the forces of darkness!
     
    SUPERCATHOLICS, AN ASSASSINATION, AND THE GREAT DEPRESSION
  • SUPERCATHOLICS, AN ASSASSINATION, AND THE GREAT DEPRESSION
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    A member of the Supercatholic Party speaks before war veterans and radicals in Paris (1930)

    The events of the 1920s would have had even the most skeptical analyst believe that a resurgence in Europan strength by the 1930s was almost certain. Despite the 1919 Referendum that broke Austria-Hungary away from the Empire once more under the last Hapsburg heir, Queen Sophie I, Europa's economy and political stability had greatly increased under Prime Minister Fabian Perrault and the greatly weakened Caesar Napoleon V. When a 55 year-old Napoleon IV died in 1914 of stomach cancer, it was his 24 year-old son who succeeded him, but he was so afraid of an overthrow or abolition of the monarchy at the hands of the popular Perrault that he basically delegated all of his responsibilities to the Imperial Diet and the Prime Minister following the post-war Constitutional reforms. Due to his aura of respectability, his wartime service as a field hospital medic (against his father's wishes), and his refusal to jump into political debates, he restored some of the people's confidence in the monarchy. The 1920s could have been a time of great upheaval, economic stagnation, and civil war, but instead the economy seemed to roar back to life. While lacking the Rheinbund and Austria-Hungary, Europa was still a massive juggernaut capable of coming back from the brink. They still held India, the Levant, half of Africa, and hundreds of islands both small and large.

    But all was not well. It was Perrault--reelected in landslides in 1920 and 1926--that held the globe-trotting Empire together. His personal dedication to preserving Catholic Franco-Europan culture and strength was boundless, as were his hopes to never again repeat the disasters of 1911. Never again did he see a world war as a profitable affair. Another war would likely be a war against the Illuminist bloc, and that conflict would certainly make 1911 look like a joke. If the Russians fought to the last man at Budapest in the name of Viktor, he did not want to imagine how they would fight for their own personal liberty and belief system of "Every Man a God." What made it even more dangerous was the growing agnostic and atheist movement within Western Europe. From Italy to Sweden, people jaded by war and destruction began to see life as meaningless and religion as a mere opiate with which nobility controlled them. This was bad--very bad--for the Empire and other monarchies, all of which claimed to rule in the name of God. If this movement was allowed to expand, an Illuminist fifth column could destroy Western Europe from within. But forcing Catholicism down the throats of the unwilling could just as easily have caused disaster. Truly, the wise Christian European politician of the 1920s trod lightly upon the matter of the "Lost Generation" and its growing disbelief in God.

    But while there were many who were abandoning religious fervor, still more were whipped into frenzies by Pope Peter II and the 1928 best-seller Deus Vult, by the previously little-known author Giulio Cesare Evola. Evola was of the generation just too young to fight in the war, and like many devout Catholics of that generation he viewed the setbacks of the war as entirely the fault of traitors from within, atheists, Beutelists, Illuminists, and Jews. Evola loved and admired Perrault, and even called upon his name often as a fellow patriot and antisemite, despite Perrault greatly fearing the young author's growing fanbase in Southern Europe. He worried that Evolism would bring about another war.

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    Giulio Cesare Evola

    "The degree to which the International Yankee Jewish Illuminati Clique was allowed to manipulate and control our affairs is mind-boggling. So, too, is the extent to which they still meddle. Never before have such scum infiltrated the halls of power since the days of the French Revolution and that dreadful Judeo-atheist movement of the time. The Yankee Jew utilized the poor and illiterate hillfolk of Eastern Europe to bring us to our knees in the war. Then their puppets grew too ambitious for even them to control, and thus we are faced with the Godless East. The existence of the scum within our own precious Empire should rightfully boil the blood of every true Europan. This degeneracy from within is truly to blame for our setbacks. Some call me a fascist, but that is laughable. I am antifascist and against all for which that dreadful, devious Yankee invention stands. I am a Supercatholic, and in the name of the Blessed Pope Peter II I call upon all true Catholics to begin a new era of Catholic might. Not one step back to the Godless cultists. Heaven is for martyrs. Deus Vult!"

    -Introduction to Deus Vult, by Giulio Evola (1928)

    While the good times seemed to keep on rolling in Western Europe as the anthrax problem began to fade, economic prosperity continued, and ruins were rebuilt, there was now a steady growth of the Evolist movement. In Italy, the Southern German nations, and the Kingdom of Austria-Hungary, they usually were forthright with the term Evolist, but in France-Spain itself they favored the term Perraultist and had slight disagreements with the Evolists. In late 1928, following a surge in growth with the publishing of the Deus Vult follow-up book, Protocols of the Elders of Zion, the Supercatholic Party was founded in Rome by Evolist fanatics Pompeo Salvato and Crescente Galla, urging for Perraultists and Evolists to unite around a message of antisemitism, anti-Illuminism, and fear of foreigners. Salvato was the ringleader and was a veteran of the campaign against Grand Serbia (one of the most successful Europan fronts of the war) and Galla was a former priest turned "Evolist superstar" who ran the day-to-day operations. In early 1929, Supercatholic Party branches started to pop up all over Europa, and sales of Supercatholic literature were sky-high. In preparation for the 1932 elections, the Supercatholics began to build quite the war chest, not only procuring large donations from the faithful but also endorsements from Pope Peter II and the pledges of countless campaign personnel.

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    Pompeo Salvato

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    Crescente Galla

    But all was not by the books. While the Supercatholics desired to take the Empire by storm politically, they were prepared to do whatever necessary to preserve "Catholic civilization." This meant also forming brigades of thugs nicknamed the Supershirts. These men, often clad in black, would appear at political rallies for opposing parties, Jewish synagogues, atheist meeting houses, and homosexual bars, where they would proceed to beat their victims with truncheons and whips, sometimes to death. Obviously, it did not take long before their opponents also began to arm themselves, with numerous street battles and murders ensuing.

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    Supershirts march in formation through Rome (1931)

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    Rome headquarters of the Supercatholic Party bearing an image of Pope Peter II and the motto "YES" (1929)

    Despite many of the Supercatholics acting in his name, Prime Minister Perrault greatly feared their influence. He had fallen to ill health beginning in 1927 and worried he would not make it to 1932. In early 1931, he told Napoleon V, "If the Supercatholics succeed, we are all doomed. The next war will be a matter of when, not if, and it will be over some damnfool thing in Eastern Europe. Mark my words." What made Perrault's position even more perilous was the fact that if he acted against them, he would almost certainly see the Pope turn on him, the total collapse of his Christian Conservative Party in the Diet and his reelection or succession by his right hand Jean Ponte would be doomed. He merely hoped that continued economic prosperity and stability would cement the CCP into a 1932 victory and the Supercatholic movement would peter out. With 6 year gaps between elections, the next vote would not be until 1938, and there would be plenty of time for the Evolist flame to burn out. And so he prayed every night, begging God to spare Europa from the movement many of his old soldiers now loyally clung to.

    Even though much of Europe was falling to radicalism, the last bastion of Old World class and sensibilities was the Kingdom of Austria-Hungary, under Sophie I. While the Supercatholics had made inroads, it was still quite moderate in its stance. The elderly Hapsburg was a perfect mix of class and humility that endeared her to a people so badly scarred by the war. Hungary was still very much rebuilding itself from the destruction the League of Tsars had brought upon it over a decade earlier. Budapest was slowly becoming more than a fragment of its former self and culture and art were flourishing. New architecture, unlike any seen in Europe before, was being experimented with in the rebuilding effort. The Queen had one heir, the modest and moderate middle-aged Johann, her only surviving child. All in all, with new laws and freedom in tow, Austria-Hungary was not the worst place to live in Europe by any means. But it would all come crashing down in 1931.

    On June 4, 1931, Queen Sophie I and Crown Prince Johann were disembarking from their personal train and greeting some visiting dignitaries from Romania and Bulgaria at Budapest Station. In one of the most shocking moments of the 20th Century, one of the Bulgarian officers drew his service pistol, aimed it at the bald prince and ailing mother, and pulled the trigger three times, hitting the prince twice (once in the face and once in the chest) and the Queen once in the stomach before he was shot and killed by the Austro-Hungarian security detail. Despite attempts by the foreign delegations to calm the situation, the furious Royal troops fired into them, killing five before everyone regained their senses.

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    Last known picture of Prince Johann von Hapsburg

    Two hours later, telegraphs began to deliver news that the Hapsburg family had been murdered. Prince Johann had a daughter, but she was only three years old. This was very unfortunate for all involved. Royal police released details about the shooter, one Colonel Radu Gaina, a veteran of the Budapest Front so many years before. Apparently, he was actually a man obsessed with the idea of eternal fame but also suffered from intense nightmares and post-traumatic stress from the war. Wishing to go out in a moment of glory, he decided the upcoming visit was the ideal moment to accomplish his goals.

    The economy of Western Europe went into freefall. Though politically separate from Europa, Austria-Hungary was joined at the hip economically, and still used the Euro as its official currency alongside the Adler. With a three year-old little girl preparing to become Queen, confidence was at an all-time low in the government. Overnight, the Austro-Hungarian economy collapsed. Stock brokers were seen leaping from windows as the news came in on the ticker machines in their offices in Vienna and Budapest. Mobs formed, burning Romanian and Bulgarian flags and calling for war once more against the League of Tsars. Conspiracy theories abounded that the League had planned the assassination as revenge for losing the war. Pope Peter II decried the killings as "an attack on God-ordained monarchs and friends of the people." Perrault and Napoleon V began to panic as the Europan economy reeled from the loss of confidence. Everyone held their breath to see what would become of the governments of Catholic Europe. In Bavaria, King Rupprecht called for his "Teufelhunden" followers and "all true Bavarians" to stand with their South German brothers in grief and anger at this treacherous double-murder. In Wurttemberg, Prime Minister Wolfgang Zeigler and Queen Pauline announced they would be calling for all Catholics and Patriots to march to Vienna to commemorate the noble lives and tragic deaths of the Hapsburgs. Over 20,000 made the trek, torches in hand as they descended upon the Austro-Hungarian capital.

    As the fires were set once more in Europe, and the alarms began to blare, one man stood ready to seize the moment from out of post-war obscurity. Count Adolf von Braunau peered into the future and saw potential. Potential for an Iron Reich that would change the world. As the world exploded all around him, von Braunau got in a car bound for Vienna, taking him to a meeting with none other than Giulio Evola himself. Next year, the Hero of the Siege of Budapest would be meeting with Pope Peter II in Rome to discuss plans for the future of Austria-Hungary. Von Braunau, going by his 1919-awarded title of Baron of his home town, was a fanatical Supercatholic and an ardent supporter of the Pope. In March of 1932, von Braunau was invited to the Vatican itself to meet with the Holy Father. The two men got along splendidly and viewed current affairs in the same light. Above all, they formulated an idea of a new government, one in which the Pope would once again rule with an iron fist over Europe, with von Braunau as his faithful servant. With the Pope's blessing, the Austrian Prime Minister founded the Superkatholisch Partei of Austria-Hungary and found himself rapidly ascending to the position of Prime Minister with help from the Papal coffers. Dreaming of destroying the League of Tsars once and for all and retaking the Rheinbund to unite Christian Europe against the Illuminists in a final glorious crusade, Adolf began to wonder why he was settling to be a Prime Minister for a little queen who still played with dolls. In late 1934, he asked the Pope for support of a coup to overthrow the child-monarch and install himself as a new Holy Roman Emperor, Defender of the Faith and Servant of the Papacy. With the Pope's blessing, and with Europa too busy dealing with the Great Depression to make a move, he made his move....

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    Austro-Hungarian Prime Minister Count Adolf von Braunau
     
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    REUNIFICATION OF THE RHINE

  • REUNIFICATION OF THE RHINE

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    Chancellor Hermann Goering, of the Second Rheinbund

    When the Germanian Civil War concluded in an uneasy peace treaty in 1920, establishing the Germanian Republic (West Germania), the Illuminist People's Republic of Germania (East Germania), the Illuminist People's Republic of Poland, and the Berlin Free State, it left a glaring weakness in the 1913 Versailles Concordat: that being the clause forbidding the reunification of the former Rheinbund. While much of the northern, Protestant former Bund was now loyal to Wolfgang Kapp's West Germania, the southern independent monarchies of Nassau, Wurttemberg, Bavaria, and Baden were all very much Catholic. In the nearly two decades since the end of the world war and a decade since the end of the Germanian Civil War, the two religious denominations had almost entirely split on geographic lines, with the Catholics in the buffer kingdoms and the Protestants in the north.

    As the world entered the 1930s, there was very much reason to doubt continued political and economic stability in Europe. The 1932 Europan Diet election was looking very much up for grabs, with a sickly and weakened Perrault ready to die seemingly at any time. Without Perrault, his Christian Conservative Party would likely fold to more radical elements, such as the Supercatholic Party. The year 1931 saw the assassination of the Queen and Crown Prince of Austria-Hungary, plunging an already fragile Western Europe into economic chaos. From Paris to Prague, the economy was tanking fast. Sweden, former Protestant enemy and later trade partner of Europa and Austria-Hungary, announced its closure of ports to Catholic shipping following pressure from Joe Steele onto King Gustaf V. This further hurt the Western and Southern European economies. The Protestant Kingdom of Bohemia, still under the aging King Heinrich, cousin of the late Kaiser Eitel Wilhelm, also abandoned numerous lucrative deals, such as coal shipments, further damaging the economy of Austria-Hungary. But with only a narrow landbridge connecting Bohemia with West Germania and the Protestant world, it did not wish to see a potential societal collapse or Illuminist revolution in the Catholic nations. In fact, Bohemia actually desired a stronger Catholic bloc to deal with the ever-present menace of Illuminists to the north and east.

    This was an absolute nightmare, and as people found their life savings becoming worthless overnight and the artificially maintained status quo of the Europan and Austro-Hungarian economy came crashing down, many began crying out for salvation. 1932 saw the narrow reelection of Fabian Perrault as Europan Prime Minister, and Baron von Braunau as the Austro-Hungarian Reichsminister. This put the Europan government on a totally polar opposite side of politics from Austria-Hungary. As the Supercatholic Fatherland Front Party of von Braunau celebrated their victory in Vienna by leading a parade of torches and carrying portraits of von Braunau and Pope Peter II, conservatives in Paris greatly worried that the Holy Father was working to undermine their control over Catholic Europe and move power to Rome and Vienna. To Perrault, Pope Peter was rapidly revealing himself to be a manipulative bastard capable of anything to further his own goals and power. He might have been called the Grail Knight by many, but Peter was by no means a saint.

    In the midst of all this unraveling chaos, one man quietly made moves in the halls of power along the Rhine. Before the world war, the Bund had been one of the world's premier economic and industrial breadbaskets and one of the chief reasons the United Empire of Europa was able to take on virtually the entire world. It had been Rhenish sweat that had oiled the gears of the Empire. Now, some twenty years after the dissolution of the Bund, this one man was about to become the father of a new nation. Hermann Goering, born in Roseheim, Bavaria, in 1893, had served honorably during the Siege of Budapest during the war and was a well-respected politician since the conflict's end. He had won the hearts and minds of conservative Catholics in his home country, working in soup kitchens and donating some of his personal fortune made in his tractor and farming equipment business to help get the Bavarian people back to work. Bavaria was one of the most staunchly Catholic areas of Europe, and it was the only one of the former Bund members to not have a formal democratic constitution, instead remaining an absolute monarchy under King Rupprecht. It also heavily favored the Hapsburg family and High King Josef was looked on with respect, twenty years after he was forced to vacate the throne of the Bund.

    Inspired by the Fatherland Front party in Austria-Hungary and his own involvement with the Anti-Illuminist Society in Bavaria, Goering launched the Superkatholische Partei Bayerns (SPB) in 1932 as the political branch of the Tuefelhunden paramilitary, sweeping him into power as Prime Minister shortly after von Braunau's similar victory in Vienna. Goering and the SPB replaced the Bavarian Conservative Party in Munich. He had campaigned on a promise of reinvigorating the economy and of deterring Illuminist barbarism, and he knew he had to deliver. In 1933, he visited Rome and the Holy See to meet with Pope Peter. While in the ancient halls of the Basilica, Goering and Peter hit it off quite well, with the Holy Father promising further support and funding for the SPB. The Pope told Goering, "You are a modern crusader, forging a new path for Bavaria during this time of economic uncertainty. The people, down on their luck as they are, need the Light of Christ more than ever. It is up to you to bring that light to them and to restore the Rhine region to its former glory."

    It was then that Goering knew for sure that the Pope knew exactly what he was planning: a reunification of the Bund. Not only did the Pope know, but he seemed to be giving the pursuit his blessing. But this time, the Rhine would be different. This time it would not lick the boots of Paris and fuel Caesar's glory-drenched imperialistic exploits, but it would instead sustain itself and fight for its own legacy as a nation-state. The other independent Catholic German regions were very much smaller economically than Bavaria. Bavaria boasted a larger economy than the others combined, in fact, such was the lopsided difference. Whereas Bavaria had done relatively well, even during the economic downturn, the other regions still struggled to maintain a modern way of life landlocked and deprived of shared resources. Under the Versailles Concordat, even the sharing or pooling of resources between the South German states was forbidden. But that was all about to change.

    When Goering sent his proposal for unification to the other South German governments, they were initally skeptical. They all greatly feared some sort of retaliation from West Germania for violating the Concordat. Even if that was unlikely, as it would leave West Germania open for an Illuminist invasion from the east and Europan intervention from the west, Europa itself might even decide to come over and subjugate the region. After all, if there was no longer reason to fear Germania enforcing the Concordat's terms, who was to say that Caesar Napoleon V might not try to enrich his own economy by annexing the former Bund. But still, in the back of the diplomats' minds, they were truly considering Goering's offer. Bavaria's King Rupprecht was an absolutist in most ways, but it was clear he was aging rapidly and Goering was truly pulling the strings. Goering was a young mind ready to lead, whereas the other Prime Ministers and monarchs of the South German nations were hardly charismatic. While there economies were currently dealing with crushing economic collapse, Bavaria had been holding steady through sheer willpower and crafty maneuvering. The people had unified around the SPB and didn't seem to be wavering. On March 14, 1933, Goering called for a Congress of the Rhine to be held in Munich "to discuss the future of the Rhenish people and the possible foundation of a unified Rhenish homeland."

    The Congress of the Rhine saw the leading members of all the South German states converge on Munich at the appointed time. Sandy blue-uniformed Bavarian stormtroopers lined the streets as the various monarchs and politicians arrived for the show. This was the first time in a very long time that "Rhenish" became a popular adjective to describe residents of the former Bund. Crowds cheered jubilantly as Goering rode through the streets on horseback to the Royal Palace in Munich, baton held high overhead. The next two weeks were spent in intense debate, going back and forth between reasons for or against why the Rhenish people should unify. Most worrying was the possibility of Europan invasion. However, Goering made a good case against that fear, saying on March 22:

    "Whether or not we create a new homeland along the blessed Rhine is irrelevant to the question of Europan tyranny or invasion. If we do not unify, we are just as much an open target for the Bonapartes. Whether together or apart, Paris could launch an invasion. West Germania does not have the strength to march on our soil if we break the terms of the pathetic 1913 treaty. But I say that together, united as one, we offer a much fiercer and determined foe to any possible Europan aggression, and will thus deter such monstrous acts from Paris. Together, the Rhineland shall prosper once more and develop into a country which shall shine as a glorious example of Catholic Germanic culture. Together, the Rhine shall run clear again, unified under one flag. Together, we shall stand as a bulwark of Catholicism, modernity, and prosperity. Let us come together and march hand-in-hand into the future. Let us create a homeland. A home for the Rhenish people, now and forever."
    Two days later, on March 24, a decision was announced in Munich. The Catholic nations of Southern Germany would unify into the Second Bund, with Rupprecht as High King and Goering as Chancellor. Flags bearing golden oak leaves were unfurled from the balconies of government buildings all over the newly restored Bund and citizens gathered in the streets to sing the songs of the old days, tunes unheard since 1913. News crews with reel-to-reel cameras tried to capture the manic celebrations as thousands of troops from all the different member-states of the Second Bund paraded through Munich, Stuttgart, and more, with flowers thrown before their jackboots. Goering often took the place of Rupprecht as master of ceremonies, as the aging monarch was barely able to stand some days for any extended period of time.

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    Chancellor Goering inspects the soldiers of the Second Bund (1934)

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    Flag of the Second Rheinbund
    Almost immediately, Caesar Napoleon V, Perrault, and the Europan government denounced the newly unified nation as "besmirching Europan honor and the 1913 Concordat." Pope Peter II then threw a wrench in the works by officially recognizing the Second Bund just two days after the formal Europan condemnation. Within a week, Europa was mustering its armed forces and testing the waters of public opinion for a war against Goering's new creation. For five weeks war looked almost certain. Bund civilians took up arms and were drilling in public parks, ready to fight against Caesar's legions. When the general Europan public favored the Pope's view and saw a unified Bund as a strong buffer against the fascists and Illuminists to the north and east, the orders came to stand down. Europa had blinked. More wild celebrations erupted in the Bund. Goering's star was on the rise. The Second Rheinbund was there to stay.

    While Goering successfully humiliated Paris, Count von Braunau was making moves in Vienna to further enhance his own stature. Tensions were extremely high with the League of Tsars. The Tsardom of Ruthenia, whose continued existence was entirely dependent upon their continued monetary installments to Austria-Hungary as per the 1914 Treaty of Bucharest, way falling behind in their payments due to their own increasing poverty. Some Ruthenians were even marching in the streets with Illuminist banners. Many Austro-Hungarians were clamoring for an invasion of the nascent monarchy to take what was theirs by force. The League of Tsars was aware of these plots and warned von Braunau's government that any attack upon Ruthenia would be an attack upon the League. And so the seeds were planted for war, and for von Braunau to finally step into the spotlight of the world stage.

    At the same time, back in the Britannic Union, General Director Winston Churchill's government was welcoming a delegation from every fascist country to London. It was the first time London had been on the world stage since the war, and it was a major event to showcase how the rebuilding effort had gone. While having initially lost massive amounts of popularity in the aftermath of the war, Churchill had rebuilt his reputation as "Uncle Winnie," and adopted the mannerisms of a kindly father-figure. The BU, slowly but surely and with no small amount of help from its allies, was being restored to its former glory. Joe Steele, fresh from the Masonic Purges of 1931-1932, arrived at Great West Aerodrome, on the outskirts of London, with a mission to revolutionize the fascist web of alliances and the Greater Fascist Co-Prosperity Sphere into a new League of Nations, utilizing the same currency and revolving around his New Jerusalem. Johnny Gamble and Churchill were the first to meet him on the runway, but others followed, such as Fuhrer Reinhardt von Bachenheim of the Mittelafrikan Reich, and together they paraded to central London and the Office of the General Director (formerly Whitehall), and there they would hash out the details of this new, more solidified bloc. The 1930s rolled on, toward the chaos and war that was to come....
     
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    THE MASONIC PURGE

  • THE MASONIC PURGE
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    Camp 451, in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, where many captured Masons would live and die, as photographed in 1934

    It was early the morning of October 31, 1931, and ORRA Supreme Chief George Patton, the second-in-command of the entire Union, sat in his office in Philadelphia reviewing some files on Project Percival when an orderly burst into the room, an anxious look on his face.

    "All hail! Comrade-Patriot Patton, sir," the young officer in blue said, short of breath, "It's the President on the line for you, sir."

    Patton saluted back, down low and very cool, as was his habit, and set the folder down. As the orderly left the room and closed the door behind him, Patton picked up his telephone receiver. "All hail! This is Supreme Chief Patton. How may I assist you today, my Atheling?"

    "I woke up today and felt stroke of absolute brilliance, Patton, my man," Steele's crisp, kindly voice said on the other end of the line, launching into another "Steele Moment of Brilliance" without so much as a hail back. Patton was used to it. The President of America continued, "I think it is brilliant, at any rate, but feel free to tell me otherwise." Steele was being serious. Patton and Steele had bonded significantly over the years since Patton replaced Dewey as Supreme Chief of ORRA. Many of the social vermin of Philly knew that only Patton had the guts to say no to President Joe. Even more said Patton was the best and only friend that Steele ever had or trusted.

    Patton took a sip of coffee from his plain brown mug, and leaned back in his buffalo-hide chair. It was more comfortable than the wheelchair in which he spent most of his days. "Yes, sir. As you are aware, I am quite willing to give my opinion on all things which you wish to hear it on," he said matter-of-fact, unlike anyone else in the Union ever dared. "You are free to take or reject that advice at you leisure. What is this stroke of genius, my leader? You have me quite interested." He sat the mug down and loosened his black tie while propping the phone receiver up on his shoulder

    Steele continued to sound in a good mood, but also anxious to spill the beans on this new masterpiece. "Well..." he said in a hushed tone, as if he were about to tell a secret to a schoolyard friend, "I am sure you know my opinion on secret societies outside of Church and Party, correct?"

    Patton ran a hand through his slicked-back graying hair. "Yes, my Atheling. The Office of Racial and Religious Affairs whole-heartedly supports you in your long-standing mission to stamp out secrecy within our glorious Union. Last month, we levied increased taxes upon the Masonic Lodges of America, as per your orders."

    "That is correct," said Steele. "However, Georgy old boy, when I was doing my morning nude aerobics I arrived at a wonderful solution to the problem of the Secret Societies. We exterminate them. Burn down the lodges or re-purpose them for government or Church use, and destroy their texts. We take all the membership rolls and send them to camps. What do you think?"

    Patton laughed heartily, "Well, my Atheling, I wish I had brilliant ideas like that early in the morning. I can scarcely read through the morning mail! I think this is a wonderful idea, sir. We have no need for secrecy in our nation outside of the Church and the State. What is a secret society in this day and age aside from a breeding ground for secular, Loomie drivel and treason? You give the order and my ORRA boys will turn every masonic lodge into a smokehouse."

    Steele replied with a happy tone, "Oh good, I am so happy you agree, George. You know I respect you. If you accomplish this goal quickly, I will issue a large amount of funding for your pet project."

    Patton sat upright again, his eyes wide. "Project Fountain? Sir, you'd greenlight it?"

    "Yes," said Steele, "I would indeed. I want you to walk again as much as you. You are a strong and iron-willed American man of Pinnacle Blood, and you don't deserve to fester your life away in a wheelchair. I will ensure that the Office of Health and Wellness and the Office of Artifacts and Antiquities pool their resources to help you with your dream."

    Patton smiled a brilliantly white, toothy smile, his lips pulling back in a grin both evil and joyful. "Mr. President, you let me launch Project Fountain and I will kill every Masonic sumbitch that ever lived, sir."

    "Good," said Steele. "Do what must be done. Do not hesitate. All hail! Oh, and how is Grace, George?"

    "She is fine. She's fixing a stuffed turkey and all the fixings tonight." George's mouth watered when he thought about his wife's homecooking. They had servants, but she preferred to cook the dishes herself. "How is Milli, sir?"

    Steele laughed heartily and told Patton, "Well, don't expect an Arkham woman to cook her own meals, George, not since Plymouth. But our personal cooks are preparing a four-course meal. I think I'll have to loosen my belt after I gorge myself tonight."

    "I know the feeling," Patton said with a small chortle. "After dinner, I'm gonna take my jackboots off, kick the old dogs up, and listen to the ball game on the talkiebox with my boy. Who do you think is gonna win tonight, sir?"

    Steele sounded as if he were pondering it over for a moment. Then he said, "I think we're gonna see the Yankees go all the way tonight. New Antioch has a hell of a team this season, and Hank Collins is a great pitcher. Almost untouchable. And they say it's a pitcher's game. But I think Moe Williams is gonna bash some cowskins out of the park for the Yanks. But you know me, ever a Yankees fan, so I might be a tad biased."

    "You know, sir," Patton began slyly, his voice low, "I could have Collins break a leg in an unfortunate dugout water-cooler accident if you really want to see the Yanks kick some ass."

    Steele scoffed and chuckled, "No, that's all right. May the most Pinnacle Blooded team win! Happy Thanksgiving, George. Give my respects to the battleaxe and enjoy that turkey."

    "Happy Thanksgiving to you as well, my Atheling! All hail!"

    "All hail!"

    ***

    That night, October 31, 1931...

    A jet-black military train passed through Union Junction, New Canaan, not far from Metropolis. It's whistled shrieked through the night and steam rose up to to join the full moon overhead. The headlights on the train made it look like an angler fish speeding through the dark, for it was pitch black all around aside from the moonbeams piercing through the pine trees along the track. Branches could be heard scraping the top of the cars like bony fingers as it the mighty armored transport sped toward its destination. Andrew Carpenter, an ORRA officer of some twenty-three years of age, found himself nervously clutching his Colonel Pierce M-1925 Trenchsweeper as he sat on one of the train's many wooden benches. It was cramped and not a little claustrophobic. A corporal, Peterson or some other, sat on his right checking his sidearm, while Private Colby Hodge to Carpenter's left, also carrying a Trenchsweeper, eyed the window anxiously.

    "There's nothing to see out there, Hodge," Carpenter said with a sigh. "It's too damn dark. Just be calm."

    Colby Hodge turned to look at him, cockeyed, his pinch-crown hat bowed at the front from pressing against the train car's glass. "I can see just fine. Sometimes darkness can be, uh, meditative and stuff, Carp. Mind ya own bee's wax, buster." Hodge's heavy New York accent stuck out like a sore thumb down here in the old Mexican country. While the Mexican race was long gone, erased from existence before Carpenter and Hodge were even born, it was still a bit odd to hear a New Yorker down here in New Canaan. Most people talked with what they called the "cowboy sound." Carpenter did, and he was known to have yeed a few haws in his lifetime. Regardless of his compatriot's odd accent, he was glad they were bunkmates. Hodge was good people.

    Carpenter checked the ejection port on his gun for the thirtieth time as he shook his head at Hodge's own increasing discomfort and worry. "You never been to a purge, have ya, pardner?"

    Hodge turned to him again, leering away from his beloved window once more. "You... you have been purging before, Carp?" he asked, mouth agape.

    With a shrug, Carpenter replied, "Well... I mean I have been to the Patriot-Saints Day Eve Nighstalker events. Always dressed up as Cromwell. Beat a few Infees in the ghettos, at least what is left of them, but I mean I never killed no one, I don't rightly think. I ain't afly of killin'. Still, I don't think it'd be too hard. When you know the jimmy-joe you're beatin' is a no-good Un-American barrel boarder, I think you just let Jesus take the wheel."

    "Jesus? You mean you're possessed by spirits when you purge?" Hodge asked, raising an eyebrow.

    Carpenter chuckled and said, "Well, I don't rightly know about that. Let's just say when Uncle Sam tells you it's a-okay to beat the hell outta a sumbitch or put him down, you stop worryin' about the specifics. If Uncle Sam tells me some secret society boys need to be a taught the definition of a free and open society, then I reckon I'll oblige like a good Oh-Double-R-A boy is trained to do. Jus' let yer trainin' take over, Hodge."

    Corporal Peterson, or whatever his name was, shot a glassy-eyed glare at Hodge and snarled, "Why don't you just follow your damn orders and leave the thinkin' for the ones with actual brains, Private Hodge." He raised the service pistol up to his own head and tapped the side of his navy blue kepi hat.

    "Sir, yes sir," said Hodge glumly as he went back to his window. A dim light could be seen on the horizon.

    A voiced boomed from another seat up at the front of the car. "There she is, boys! Metropolis! Shining gem of New Canaan. Ain't she a sight?"

    "YEEEE-HOOO!" came a cackling chorus of roots and toots from the 2nd New Canaan ORRA regiment.

    As Carpenter, Hodge, and that stuck-up corporal joined in with the cries, the rear door slid open to their car and a colonel poked his head in. His blue peaked visor cap adorned with the ORRA Eagle paired nicely with his handlebar mustache and the scarf thrown around his neck. "All right, boys! Ten minutes to showtime! Whose ready to kill some fuckin' Loomie sumbitches for President Steele?!"

    "YEEEEE-YEEEE!" cheered the men, smacking the butts of their rifles against the wood floor of the car.

    "Ohhhhhhhhh... Susanna, don't you cry for me!" the Colonel ripped out in verse.

    "I COME TO NEW CANAAN TO CLAIM MY DESTINY!" the men sang along as the Colonel walked down the aisle toward the front of the car, continuing to smack their rifles to the beat of the song.

    "Well it rained all night the day I left, the weather it was dry!"

    "THE SUN SO HOT I FROZE TO DEATH! SUSANNA DON'T YOU CRY!"

    Even Hodge was now singing along with the best of them, wrapping an arm around Carpenter as they raised their fists and bellowed out the tune. Following the Colonel were two men in armored plate and chainmail, with massive tubes on their back. Liberty Torches. The mere sight of an ORRA torchboy was enough to make the bravest man think twice. Their goggles were perched atop their coal-scuttle helmets and the chain mail and fire retardant material that normally hung over their nose and mouth was loose to the side, revealing their wide grins. Their metal-soled boots clunked on the floor, joining the cacophony of rifle butts.

    "I had a dream the other night, innit the Prophet said to me!" the Colonel raised his gloved hand in the air in a victory fist as the torchboys joined in.

    "MY BOY YOU GO NEW CANAAN WAY! MANIFEST DESTINY! OH SUSANNA, DON'T YOU CRY FOR ME, I COME TO NEW CANAAN TO CLAIM MY DESTINY!"

    The bustling city was coming ever closer into view, finally illuminating the outside world as the dense foliage and trees gave way to open dry sandy earth, streets, and lamplights. As the Colonel opened the door at the front of the train car Carpenter and the boys were in, he turned and saluted them, raising his hand in a fascist salute, as he finished the song. "Oh I will soon be in Metropolis, the city of tomorrow!"

    "I'LL BE SO RICH THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE TO BEG OR BORROW! I'LL BUY YOU UP A DIAMOND RING, SUSANNA DON'T YOU CRY! YEEEEEEEEE-HAW!" the men screamed with almost mindless fervor, standing up and returning the salute. "ALL HAIL!" they cried in unison.

    When the train pulled into the station, the men were still on their feet, weapons in hand. It was late in the evening, past dark of course, but there were still many civilians and personnel mingling around Cumberland Station, the main stop in Metropolis and where the armored ORRA train was pulling in. When the side-doors of the train cars flew open, dozens of yodeling and braying ORRA boys jumped down, scaring the daylights out of bystanders. Within seconds they were neatly lining up along the platform. Non-commissioned officers, like Private Peterson, used batons to quickly cajole their men into formation.

    With a bullhorn taken from under his trenchcoat, the Colonel yelled his commands. "All right, men! You had your turkey and said your prayers of thanksgiving earlier today. Now it's time for a pack of traitors to pray to the Almighty for forgiveness! Death always to traitors! The 12th Street Masonic Lodge is to be ransacked, its records retrieved, and then set alight, in that order! We move fast and quick, in and out. Let's go! Everyone, behind me! March!"

    It was rather alarming to most onlookers to see heavily armed ORRA troops tramping and marching down their streets at 9 o'clock at night on Thanksgiving Day, of all times. Most people were just listening to the National Rounders Championship game on their talkiebox and loosening their belts from the earlier feasts when platoons of deadly soldiers scurried past their doorsteps. It wasn't long before RUMP squadcars began to pull up alongside the ORRA platoons and demanded to know what was going on. "Official business under orders of the President" was the only reply they were given, incensing them but leaving them with little choice but to stand back and let them carry on. Little children especially watched the troops fly past. Carpenter noticed two little boys and their baby sister watching them from their bedroom window. It didn't take him long to see they were focusing on the torchboys, who now were sporting their full face-masks and carried their Liberty Torches in hand, plugged into their backpack tanks. They were probably terrifying to the kids. "Oh well," said Carpenter to himself, "They should be afraid. Without fear, the law is toothless." While he muttered that phrase without too much consciousness, it was part of the ORRA Manual he was required to memorize to join up. He had memorized all twenty pages when he enlisted at age 18. His dad had been an ORRA man, and so had his dad, one of the originals during Little Mac's Immolation of Mexico.

    What played out that night in Metropolis also was occurring around the Republican Union. The 12th Street Lodge was broken into, its doors ripped off its hinges. All paintings and interesting pieces of decor were thrown in unmarked trucks from the Office of Antiquities and Artifacts. Bundles of papers and shelves full of documents were hastily thrown into sacks and marched back to Cumberland Station, thrown over the shoulders of young ORRA troops. Carpenter was one of the men who stormed the treasury room, where a clerk was busy counting money raised during the Thanksgiving charity ball that had just gone on a few hours earlier. Carpenter opened fire with his Trenchsweeper, blowing the man away and sending the bespectacled middle-aged man crashing to the floor, his blood pooling on a royal blue carpet bearing the insignia of the All-Seeing Eye of the Grand Architect of the Universe. Carpenter had his first kill. He kicked the dead man in the ribs a few times as he shrieked, "Die you Loomie Narkie bastard!"

    "LONG LIVE STEELE!" came Hodge's voice from the next room over. A burst of grinder bullets resounded shortly after. Two more Masons had been cowering in the vault. Hodge spotted them first and let the emotional high of the night carry him to mindless, almost drooling fervor. He continued to spray the small vault's interior with rounds until Corporal Peterson finally snapped him out of it. Coming back to their senses, the three men and the rest of the platoon began to fill sacks full of coin rolls and bundles of cash.

    "They say they help the poor!" Peterson mocked as he grabbed a stack of five dollar bills. There must have been a hundred of them, Willard Crawford's face smiling on each one. "They were stocking up for a damn uprising they were!"

    "Death always to traitors!" Carpenter cried gleefully as he continued to fill up his sack with piles of cold hard cash.

    The men raced outside and dumped the bags of money into the back of another unmarked truck, before climbing in the back, guns ready. Onlookers watched in horror as the massacre and armed robbery unfolded. Then came the torchboys. The two armored troopers adjusted the nozzles on their guns before taking aim. With a burst of flame that lit up the night, the 12th Street Masonic Lodge was alight. While the looting occurred, two platoons had been busy dumping kerosene all over the place. In the hedges, in the stairwells, everywhere. The red-brick and wood structure went up like kindling.

    As their truck started to drive toward Cumberland Station to unload their ill-gotten gains, Hodge turned to tell Carpenter, "Man, I never felt more alive in my life. You sure this is Thanksgiving, Carp? Feels more like Fourth of July!"

    Carpenter nodded and screamed with a menacing tone, "BACK UP OR I WILL SHOOT YOU IN YOUR G**-DAMNED FACE, PARDNER!" as he pointed his Trenchsweeper at a civilian who he thought was too close to the truck.

    "Sure does, Hodge..."
     
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