"What Madness Is This?" Vol. II: The Pinnacle Future

[Born in the USSA]

I honestly can’t see Gay Right becoming a mainstream thing even under Oswald and his successor. WMIT is all about the worst aspects of humanity, American culture, and toxic masculinity turned up to 11. Homosexuality is attributed as an Iberian Infee trait all the way back in the Henry Marx chapter on Phrenology, so cant exactly see it being embraced by American Betters. That said, there’s probably still a fair bit of it going on behind the scenes in many a Better man or woman’s bedroom. Maybe a few higher-up’s in the MDP keeping their favourite gentlemen’s club of ORRAs radar.

I dunno, this is the Pinnacle Future we're talking about, and the RU has never had problems tweaking doctrine. I mean for God's sake the First Lady sleeps around with ladies and Oswald mainly seemed upset that she was a bitch. The easiest thing given the Union's obsessions would be a government run network of Fluid Banks: people do their patriotic duty and donate sperm and eggs to be used in fertility treatments, and their file is constantly updated with their Pinnacle achievements, so that only the best of the best pass on their genes. There would just be a social pressure for gay people to contribute a bit more since they're not boosting the population "the old fashioned way". Once technology advances enough it would also give the government the chance to sequence the genome of the entire population, which could have all sorts of uses.

 

[naraht]

So Dodos are TTL's Burmese Pythons, awsome.

A couple of points here. I found this jarring since the Dodo was extinct before the POD (Last confirmed sighting of a Dodo was in 1662). So either the TL has a POD a hundred years earlier than expected *or* it was recreated by Science from bird corpses. The problem with it being recreated is that to reach "pet shop" level in 1958, it would have had to been successfully created from DNA in 1940, which puts the NUSA at least 60 years ahead of OTL in the biological sciences, which we haven't seen any sign of. In any event as a flightless forest bird with a relatively low reproduction rate, it wouldn't have expanded at anywhere near the amount of the Burmese python which has a significantly higher reproduction rate.

So, a cute throwaway line, but one that *zero* sense. Would have been just as reasonable to substitute Polar bears for the Dodo there.

 

[Born in the USSA]

A couple of points here. I found this jarring since the Dodo was extinct before the POD (Last confirmed sighting of a Dodo was in 1662). So either the TL has a POD a hundred years earlier than expected *or* it was recreated by Science from bird corpses. The problem with it being recreated is that to reach "pet shop" level in 1958, it would have had to been successfully created from DNA in 1940, which puts the NUSA at least 60 years ahead of OTL in the biological sciences, which we haven't seen any sign of. In any event as a flightless forest bird with a relatively low reproduction rate, it wouldn't have expanded at anywhere near the amount of the Burmese python which has a significantly higher reproduction rate.

So, a cute throwaway line, but one that *zero* sense. Would have been just as reasonable to substitute Polar bears for the Dodo there.

1. It's a parallel universe with a cascading pattern of small changes, not an alternate timeline with a discrete POD, so it's entirely possible it never went extinct in this universe.
2. If it never went extinct the creation of a faster breeding variant is well within the realm of possibility given the intervening time and intense animal husbandry.
3. The "new" dodo could then outcompete its wild relatives, driving them to extinction and becoming the default for zoos and such.

 

[Napoleon53]

Quick note from work: Dodos is a meme I put in all my TLs as a signature. Lol Their backstory was actually told in one of Doc Brown's EU chapters about Barnum. He brings a bunch of them stateside and they end up in zoos. This TL, as I have said a lot of times, has always been parallel, not a divergence. I've casually thrown a few weird "wtf" references into the TL for fun. In a world where Chuck Oswald dictates to an entire hemisphere, while Billy Graham is a Prophet, a casual dodo joke is pretty tame. Lol

 

[Jedi Dragon]

Quick note from work: Dodos is a meme I put in all my TLs as a signature. Lol Their backstory was actually told in one of Doc Brown's EU chapters about Barnum. He brings a bunch of them stateside and they end up in zoos. This TL, as I have said a lot of times, has always been parallel, not a divergence. I've casually thrown a few weird "wtf" references into the TL for fun. In a world where Chuck Oswald dictates to an entire hemisphere, while Billy Graham is a Prophet, a casual dodo joke is pretty tame. Lol

Considering everything else that's happened, I didn't even flinch at seeing a Dodo.

 

[Worffan101]

Quick note from work: Dodos is a meme I put in all my TLs as a signature. Lol Their backstory was actually told in one of Doc Brown's EU chapters about Barnum. He brings a bunch of them stateside and they end up in zoos. This TL, as I have said a lot of times, has always been parallel, not a divergence. I've casually thrown a few weird "wtf" references into the TL for fun. In a world where Chuck Oswald dictates to an entire hemisphere, while Billy Graham is a Prophet, a casual dodo joke is pretty tame. Lol

Weirdly, I think this lessens the dystopia for me.

Sure, the world is literally fucking dying as every country is run by insane hyperviolent racists, but the dodo somehow survived the comically absurd amount of stuff stacked against it and defied all logic and reason to become an invasive species.

 

[naraht]

1. It's a parallel universe with a cascading pattern of small changes, not an alternate timeline with a discrete POD, so it's entirely possible it never went extinct in this universe.
2. If it never went extinct the creation of a faster breeding variant is well within the realm of possibility given the intervening time and intense animal husbandry.
3. The "new" dodo could then outcompete its wild relatives, driving them to extinction and becoming the default for zoos and such.

1. Theoretically possible.
2. That's the issue. Why intense animal Husbandry? The only two types of birds that have had anything close to that level of husbandry iOTL are food producers (chickens, ducks, etc.) and bright colored talkers (Parrots, budgies, etc.) . Dodo's don't fall into either.
3. Given the level of animal husbandry necessary, I doubt it would be done in the outside on the Island that the Dodo was froom, so the original would remain viable.

 

[Gar48]

The Dodos will end up ruling the world after all the various superpowers nuked each other. It seems like the logical ending to me

 

[Born in the USSA]

Weirdly, I think this lessens the dystopia for me.

Sure, the world is literally fucking dying as every country is run by insane hyperviolent racists, but the dodo somehow survived the comically absurd amount of stuff stacked against it and defied all logic and reason to become an invasive species.

Same here, I'm suspending my disbelief about dodos. It gave me a little bit of an "owls in Futurama" vibe.

"We're dodo exterminators"
"Well then you'll have no problem... exterminating this dodo!"
-Bobby Stewart trying to infiltrate somewhere, probably

 

[Napoleon53]

2. That's the issue. Why intense animal Husbandry? The only two types of birds that have had anything close to that level of husbandry iOTL are food producers (chickens, ducks, etc.) and bright colored talkers (Parrots, budgies, etc.) . Dodo's don't fall into either.

They are fat, flightless, and are basically real-life porgs. Honestly the more I think about, a lot of poor farmers probably didn't look a gift dodo in the beak after the hurricane and were happy to breed and farm them in Florida and the deep south. I want to see canned dodo, Florida Fried Dodo, etc. What started as a one-off joke might become a recurring gag.

"COME ON DOWN TO SANDERS' FLORIDA FRIED DODO EMPORIUM! COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF HORTON BRAND POUNDED TOMATO PASTE PRODUCT ON EVERY TABLE."

*Bobby Stewart comes into office with lunchbox while 70s commercial music plays* "Hey, boss!"

"Dammit, Bobby, this better not be another severed head."

"No way, boss! It's a fresh batch of Florida Fried Dodo."

"Well hush my mouth and call me corn pone, Bobby, fork it over!" *freeze frame as they bite down, grease dribbling*

MMMM... THE DELICIOUS TASTE OF REAL DODO, DEEP FRIED IN 123 HERBS, SPICES, AND CHEMICAL ADDITIVES.

SANDERS FLORIDA FRIED DODO EMPORIUM, THE TASTE OF THE DEEP SOUTH!

 

[Born in the USSA]

They are fat, flightless, and are basically real-life porgs. Honestly the more I think about, a lot of poor farmers probably didn't look a gift dodo in the beak after the hurricane and were happy to breed and farm them in Florida and the deep south. I want to see canned dodo, Florida Fried Dodo, etc. What started as a one-off joke might become a recurring gag.

"COME ON DOWN TO SANDERS' FLORIDA FRIED DODO EMPORIUM! COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF HORTON BRAND POUNDED TOMATO PASTE PRODUCT ON EVERY TABLE."

*Bobby Stewart comes into office with lunchbox while 70s commercial music plays* "Hey, boss!"

"Dammit, Bobby, this better not be another severed head."

"No way, boss! It's a fresh batch of Florida Fried Dodo."

"Well hush my mouth and call me corn pone, Bobby, fork it over!" *freeze frame as they bite down, grsase dribbling*

MMMM... THE DELICIOUS TASTE OF REAL DODO, DEEP FRIEND IN 123 HERBS, SPICES, AND CHEMICAL ADDITIVES.

SANDERS FLORIDA FRIED DODO EMPORIUM, THE TASTE OF THE DEEP SOUTH!

Oswald is exactly the kind of boss to eat his employee's lunches, none of them have the brass to do anything about it. Apparently dodo meat was tough but pretty good, so slow cooking might be in order. The great barbecue divide will be Carocorean chicken and beef vs. Yankee dodo and bison.

 

[Gar48]

They are fat, flightless, and are basically real-life porgs. Honestly the more I think about, a lot of poor farmers probably didn't look a gift dodo in the beak after the hurricane and were happy to breed and farm them in Florida and the deep south. I want to see canned dodo, Florida Fried Dodo, etc. What started as a one-off joke might become a recurring gag.

"COME ON DOWN TO SANDERS' FLORIDA FRIED DODO EMPORIUM! COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF HORTON BRAND POUNDED TOMATO PASTE PRODUCT ON EVERY TABLE."

Fun fact: this is basically how we got the Nutrie/Swamp Rats in Northern Italy.
Back in 20s someone started bringing them from South America and they started breeding them for their furs.
Unfortunately most of their natural predarors simply doesn't exist in this area and thanks to their costant breeding they soon start spreading all over the territory, especially after their breeders started abbandoning them (for some reason not many prople wanted to wear their fur).
So this is why italian farmers are still trying to protect their fields from giant amphibious rats.

 

[Roger Redux]

Those dang kids, can't even handle cocaine! In all seriousness, at least this is a rare flash of sanity from the Union.

That honestly surprised me, I figured the RU would never do anything like take the cocaine out of soda.

MMMM... THE DELICIOUS TASTE OF REAL DODO, DEEP FRIED IN 123 HERBS, SPICES, AND CHEMICAL ADDITIVES.

And cocaine.

 

[Napoleon53]

Daydreamed this nightmare while running truck at work:

"Man, Bobby, I didn't eat enough flapjacks earlier. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. I can't wait for lunch."

*two hours later*

"This meat's a little tough, but I'm not gonna complain."

"Glad you like it, boss!"

"Say," *squints out window* "Where's Blackjack? He's always out grazing at this time."

Bobby squirms uncomfortably.

"Bobby?"

Bobby stops chewing and fake coughs

"Bobby? Bobby, did you just feed my fucking horse?"

"YOU SAID YOU COULD EAT A HORSE AND SO I WAS LIKE 'OH BOY, HERE I GO KILLING AGAIN.'"

 

[Sunstone77]

I want to imagine Bobby Stewart is actually Bobby Kennedy, Joe Oswald's bastard after Charles who Chuck keeps around as emotional punching bag

 

[JustinianTheGrand]

I want to imagine Bobby Stewart is actually Bobby Kennedy, Joe Oswald's bastard after Charles who Chuck keeps around as emotional punching bag

What I’m wondering is why he keeps Bobby around instead of throwing him out of a helicopter or sending him to Alaska. Lovers perhaps?

 

[Napoleon53]

Or maybe Bobby drew the short straw and is one of Oswald's select few "friends" that he keeps around as an, as said above, emotional punching bag, and is only assigned minor duties and jobs. He has to feel popular and have a fawning dolt around to tell him how cool and great he is.

 

[Born in the USSA]

Or maybe Bobby drew the short straw and is one of Oswald's select few "friends" that he keeps around as an, as said above, emotional punching bag, and is only assigned minor duties and jobs. He has to feel popular and have a fawning dolt around to tell him how cool and great he is.

Gotta say, giving Oswald Hank Hill's catchphrase is pretty damn funny.

 

[MuricanTauri1776]

Is there anyone here who wouldn't be an infee here? I don't make the cut either.

 

[HeX]

Is there anyone here who wouldn't be an infee here? I don't make the cut either.

Let's see... as far as I know, ethnically I'm German, Polish, Czech, Slovakian, Swedish, and maybe a little Russian. I can't recall if the RU dislikes Eastern Europeans...?

I'm also Catholic, but that's easy enough to hide when you're white as a sheet like me.