Totally Tubular: The Story of the 80's

For all of you visual people out there, here's a map for how each state contest went in the 1980 Republican nominating process in this scenario.

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RED denotes a victory for Ronald Reagan.

ORANGE denotes a victory for John Anderson.

PURPLE denotes a victory for George Bush.

GREEN denotes a victory for John Connally.

Republican presidential primaries, 1980.png
 
Primarily Primaries, Part II: The Longshot​

“I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!”

-Humorist Will Rogers commenting on the state of the Democratic Party in 1924



Following Carter’s withdrawal from the race, there was no incumbent in the race for the Democratic nomination. Still, as aforementioned, the heavyweight combination of Kennedy and Mondale deterred many high-profile Democrats, such as Frank Church, Mo Udall, and Sam Nunn. However, just like in 1972 and 1976, the Democratic electorate proved proved that they could still baffle the media with their choice of candidate...

If either of the initial frontrunners was given an edge, it was Ted Kennedy. After all, he was a scion of the illustrious Kennedy political dynasty, and Americans still by-and-large had fond memories of his brother, the late President John F. Kennedy. His campaign team felt it would be pointless to try and campaign to the left of the impeccably progressive Walter Mondale for the Democratic primary electorate, so the Senator’s campaign primarily revolved around taking advantage of his brother’s legacy. Of course, this proved to be a flawed strategy. Even before Carter’s withdrawal, Kennedy had bombed an interview with Roger Mudd of CBS News over the simple question of why he wanted to be president. His unorganized campaign became so singularly focused on tying their candidate to his late brother that they never came up with a satisfying reason for why Americans should vote for Teddy. This situation was perfectly illustrated by a disastrously-received poster released by the Kennedy campaign in the early contest states, emblazoned with the words “The Return of Camelot” (said his competitor Jerry Brown, “it looked like a poster for a cheap Roger Corman movie”).

Meanwhile, Vice President Walter Mondale refused to make moves to appeal to other demographics in the race. He felt that all he needed to do was take down Kennedy early on, and he’d become the nominee by default. If the Kennedy campaign theme was centered on “The Return of Camelot”, Mondale’s hearkened back to the days of Franklin Roosevelt, arguably the high point in the history of American progressivism. Senator Lloyd Bentsen’s efforts to expand his demographic of Southerners to include Midwestern and Northeastern blue collar workers were yielding mixed results, however. His law and order credentials were impeccable, but in the end, he refused to use them to “play dirty” (there was no Democrat equivalent of Lee Atwater on his campaign). But Brown… there was no demographic he wouldn’t try to pander to. He felt that all he needed to do was win some surprise wins in states considered “safe” by certain candidates, cause the other campaigns to overreact, and allow himself to start campaigning from a position of strength. Howard Dean, who had now worked through the ranks to become a major member of the Brown campaign, had formulated a strategy which called for building some awkward alliances. The California Governor made a strong bid for the African-American vote in the primaries, particularly by working with his allies Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley and Detroit Mayor Coleman Young, whilst simultaneously campaigning on “devolution in the United States” in regards certain federal agencies he considered superfluous, using the British term to both “sound academic” and “avoid getting caught in the quicksand that was the phrase state’s rights.” [1] It worked well enough, though, that he received the quixotic endorsement of the far-right Democratic congressman from Georgia, Larry McDonald, in the primaries.

The critical moment of the campaign came in a special debate held in the middle of January at the University of Iowa. The four major candidates were invited. A highlight came toward the beginning of the debate, when each of the candidates was asked to give an opening statement, describing their achievements throughout their political career. Ted Kennedy gave a long monologue that constantly referenced his brother Jack. It was then that Lloyd Bentsen, who later on confirmed that he was “getting annoyed with Teddy’s campaign”, snapped. Bentsen, who gave his opening statement next, took the time at the beginning of his answer to utter the now-famous retort: “Before I go on, I just think I have to tell the Senator from Massachusetts what we’ve all been thinking up to this point. Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.” [2] The admittedly risky move wrought a lusty chorus of both boos and cheers, in addition to a verbal scuffle between the two senators, setting the tense atmosphere for the night. It reached its peak when Ted Kennedy made a gaffe of his own. When the candidates were on the topic of civil rights, Kennedy stated “you know, I think I’m in a unique position on this stage to talk about civil rights, given my family history. You see, the Irish were America’s first minorities.” This statement brought some cheers from the several Northeastern delegations, but even heavier boos from the representatives of the NAACP, various feminist organizations, and other minority groups. Kennedy tried to clarify, stating he meant the Irish were America’s first immigrant minorities, but the damage was done. On January 21st, Kennedy came in third in Iowa, behind Walter Mondale (who came from neighboring Minnesota)… and Jerry Brown, who had been canvassing extensively for the university vote in the state.

With Iowa out of the way, all of the candidates scrambled to make their case in New Hampshire. But it was Jerry Brown who had the momentum from, nearly winning the Iowa caucus when no one expected him to. He narrowly edged out Ted Kennedy to take first place in the New Hampshire primary. It was in Manchester, New Hampshire, where Jerry Brown gave his famous “Nation of the Future” address. Expanding on the themes of his campaign slogan, “Protect the Earth, Serve the People, and Explore the Universe”, Brown outlined his vision for “empowering America to be first in all things”, notably in the space program and in research and development generally. His speech was very well-received, Brown got a lot of mileage out of it in unexpected ways. Academy Award-winning director Francis Ford Coppola [3] took sound bites from the speech and, working with acclaimed special effects designer Douglas Trumbull, produced a two-minute ad showing short clips of America’s future, displaying hospitals and schools chock-full of advanced technology, dozens of lumbering American space stations and shuttle drydocks in orbit around Earth, and United States astronauts exploring a planet that appears to be Mars. The ad was used extensively both in latter primaries and during the general election, and the concept inspired Trumbull to create the Oscar-winning science fiction epic Generations.

But in the meantime, another round of contests was coming up. While Jerry Brown skipped the Massachusetts primary on March 4th (though he did win Vermont on the same night by virtue of no one else really competing there), Kennedy did receive some surprise competition in his home state. While Lloyd Bentsen didn’t honestly expect to win in the Bay State, he did hope to test out his strategy of winning working class voters in the Boston area, before going on to compete in Illinois and Connecticut later in the month. Bentsen campaigned extensively among the blue collar voters in Kennedy's home turf, coining the slogan "Support entitlement reform - vote against Kennedy", a play on the candidates' perceived over-reliance on family connections. While Kennedy won, he didn’t do so by nearly the margin he had hoped. But ultimately, it was Bentsen who would be the most disappointed. In the weeks after Kennedy’s infamous gaffe, Brown had made huge inroads with the African-American electorate and used this to pull out a surprise win in South Carolina, while Bentsen was busy campaigning up North. He went on to win in Georgia and Florida as the well (the latter state being the only contest in early March that Mondale had actually campaigned in). While Bentsen managed a victory in Alabama, his campaign was done for. Brown largely skipped the contests in late March (Illinois and New York were won by Kennedy, Connecticut by Mondale), and went on to win the Wisconsin and Kansas primaries in early April.

Still, none of the three candidates were able to build a real, solid advantage over one another until late, late in the game. Ultimately, it all came down to the critical Super Tuesday contests on June 3rd. Finally, Brown’s “Nation of the Future” ad hit the airwaves (he didn’t want a rushed product, lest the special effects look too “cheesy”). Impressed by the symbolism, voters flocked to Brown, who won nearly every single contest that night, including the one in his home state and in the critical state of Ohio.

And with that, Brown effectively became the presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party in 1980…

~~~

85th ACADEMY AWARDS INTERVIEWS: THE DIRECTORS​

In a small café filled with 1950s decor, the five (well, six) recipients of the Best Director nomination sit in a circular booth: JOEL AND ETHAN COHEN, JOHN “JOHHNY BOY” GILLIAM, GEORGE LUCAS, ELLE PARK, and GUILLERMO DEL TORO. An INTERVIEWER is sitting in a chair at the opening of the booth.

GEORGE LUCAS: …and I really think that’s the essence, you know, the spirit of Star Wars.

INTERVIEWER: An excellent point. Speaking of first breaks, how about you two guys, Joel and Ethan. What was your first big gig?

JOEL COEN: Well, you know, despite our reputation, we both have actually had quite different initial starts in the business. I guess my formative experience was editing Necronomicon back in 1980, back when it’s working title was something like “The Book of the Dead” or “The Evil Dead” or something like that. You know, originally I was only supposed to do like one scene, I was really just originally there to observe, you know. But then the lady I was working with, Edna Paul, the original editor, nice lady, she actually got into an accident. Nothing serious, she was fine, but there I was, stuck editing the whole friggin’ movie! Sam (Raimi) had this literal mountain of footage for me. But, you know, I stuck at it, and one of the happiest moments of my young life came when Brian de Palma, we was editing this John Travolta movie he had just shot in the same studio, he came and saw a rough cut of some of my stuff, and he said “son, this is brilliant.” I mean, I about died right there…

GUILLERMO DEL TORO: Yeah, and I’m sorry, I have to compliment you about that. Necronomicon was a genius, genius movie, and when I read more about it I was like, “without the Cohen brothers, we wouldn’t have one of the best horror franchises of the ‘80s”. I mean, ‘80s horror was all about slashers, zombies, and Lovecraft, and it combined all of those things. Seeing it and The Thing are one of the big reasons why I am a director today.


---

[1] Which may or may not have knock-on effects on UK politics...

[2] Obviously based on Bentsen's OTL debate performance in the 1988 presidential election as Michael Dukakis' VP pick link here, and though here Bentsen is a bit more mean-spirited about it and the statement is more controversial, it will be just as influential as IOTL.

[3] Believe it or not, this is (mostly) OTL. Coppola did indeed direct a campaign spot for Brown for the 1980 primaries, but in real life it was just him shooting footage of a speech Brown gave in Madison, Wisconsin, which ultimately didn't really help Brown out. Here, the results are somewhat different...
 
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And I've just got to note something to everyone. Too make my style of "snippets from the future" consistent for all my updates, I edited a little something onto the end of my installment on the Republican primaries, if you want to check that out too.
 
This timeline is already leaps and bounds better than our own. Even if we'd have to live with another Reagan administration, at least the movies look awesome.
 
Great update, vultan! It's going to be a very interesting campaign, what with two Sunshine State Governors vying to be President of the United States. I'm very curious as to the identity of Brown's VP pick, too. And Reagan's, for that matter! And I love the little flash-forwards at the end of your updates...

In a small café filled with 1950s decor, the five (well, six) recipients of the Best Director nomination sit in a circular booth: JOEL AND ETHAN COHEN, JOHN “JOHHNY BOY” HARDY, GEORGE LUCAS, ELLE PARK, and GUILLERMO DEL TORO. An INTERVIEWER is sitting in a chair at the opening of the booth.

GEORGE LUCAS: …and I really think that’s the essence, you know, the spirit of Star Wars.
One of the fun things about George Lucas IOTL (as far TTL, that remains to be seen) is that he is a notorious flip-flopper on just about everything having to do with Star Wars.

Well, I imagine it's actually quite vexing to Star Wars fans, but other than that ;)

vultan said:
INTERVIEWER: An excellent point. Speaking of first breaks, how about you two guys, Joel and Ethan. What was your first big gig?

JOEL: Well, you know, despite our reputation, we both have actually had quite different initial starts in the business. I guess my formative experience was editing Necronomicon back in 1980, back when it’s working title was something like “The Book of the Dead” or “The Evil Dead” or something like that. You know, originally I was only supposed to do like one scene, I was really just originally there to observe, you know. But then the lady I was working with, Edna Paul, the original editor, nice lady, she actually got into an accident. Nothing serious, she was fine, but there I was, stuck editing the whole friggin’ movie! Sam (Raimi) had this literal mountain of footage for me. But, you know, I stuck at it, and one of the happiest moments of my young life came when Brian de Palma, we was editing this John Travolta movie he had just shot in the same studio, he came and saw a rough cut of some of my stuff, and he said “son, this is brilliant.” I mean, I about died right there…

DEL TORO: Yeah, and I’m sorry, I have to compliment you about that. Necronomicon was a genius, genius movie, and when I read more about it I was like, “without the Cohen brothers, we wouldn’t have one of the best horror franchises of the ‘80s”. I mean, ‘80s horror was all about slashers, zombies, and Lovecraft, and it combined all of those things. Seeing it and The Thing are one of the big reasons why I am a director today.
One of the Coen brothers doing something without the other Coen brother?! :eek:

Very nice vultanesque touch, having Guillermo del Toro credit that movie for getting him into directing :D

Looking forward to more, as always!
 
Treasury Secretary Art Laffer!!! :eek:

Yes, there’s going to be a renaissance for folks like him at a certain point ITTL.

Great update as always vultan, keep it coming :D

Thank you kindly! :)

Totally Tubular is now a Turtledove nominee.

Thanks for that honor, Zac! Not sure I deserve it, but still… :D

CALIFORNIA ÜBER ALLES

It’s the first election since 1944 where both major-party candidates come from the same state. ITTL, this hasn’t happened since 1944 yet (unless you want to count Perot in 1992 – he and Bush both came from Texas).

A Brown presidency sounds cool- as does an Evil Dead series...

Who said Brown was definitely going to become president ITTL? ;)

And it’s the Necronomicon series ITTL, not The Evil Dead. The movie didn’t get it’s OTL name until after it was released (it premiered under the title The Book of the Dead, though the name was changed by the time of the wide release).

This timeline is already leaps and bounds better than our own. Even if we'd have to live with another Reagan administration, at least the movies look awesome.

Thanks! Yes, the alternate cinematic scene is going to get quite a bit of focus here...

Great update, vultan! It's going to be a very interesting campaign, what with two Sunshine State Governors vying to be President of the United States. I'm very curious as to the identity of Brown's VP pick, too. And Reagan's, for that matter! And I love the little flash-forwards at the end of your updates...

Thanks, Brainbin! Yeah, I edited a flash-forward into my last update just to keep consistency.

One of the fun things about George Lucas IOTL (as far TTL, that remains to be seen) is that he is a notorious flip-flopper on just about everything having to do with Star Wars.

It wouldn’t be realistic if he didn’t. :p

Well, I imagine it's actually quite vexing to Star Wars fans, but other than that ;)

We’re a long-suffering lot. :D

One of the Coen brothers doing something without the other Coen brother?! :eek:

Funnily enough, this is OTL. He assisted in editing IOTL, but only actually fully edited one scene, the shed sequence. I found that portion easily the most effective in the movie (and I’m a huge fan of The Evil Dead), so I thought it stood to reason that, had he been in the position to edit the whole thing, we very well could have been left with one of the best horror movies ever made. Which not only benefits the Coen brothers, but certain other people involved in that production...

Very nice vultanesque touch, having Guillermo del Toro credit that movie for getting him into directing :D

Del Toro is a big Lovecraft fan, so I figure he definitely would have been attracted to this movie in his youth ITTL.

Looking forward to more, as always!

Danke schoen! :)

Brown as the nominee is big shocker and I am a Mondale man, 84 OTL and 80 ITTL.

The Democratic primary electorate has never been the most predictable bunch, though, you have to admit. ;)
 
I would have voted for Meyer, but Brown's fine. Does he support the flat tax ITTL? I don't know whether he did in 1980 IOTL.
 
Attention, readers! I just made several edits to my last update, including the addition of footnotes. I know it has been a while since I added a new installment, but I've been trying to figure out ways to boost viewership. So I must ask you guys: while my first two updates are now too old to edit, should I still release revised version of them, updating the style?
 
Attention, readers! I just made several edits to my last update, including the addition of footnotes. I know it has been a while since I added a new installment, but I've been trying to figure out ways to boost viewership. So I must ask you guys: while my first two updates are now too old to edit, should I still release revised version of them, updating the style?

YES!

(Not to put too fine a point on it.)
 
Attention, readers! I just made several edits to my last update, including the addition of footnotes. I know it has been a while since I added a new installment, but I've been trying to figure out ways to boost viewership. So I must ask you guys: while my first two updates are now too old to edit, should I still release revised version of them, updating the style?
By all means! I look forward to reading your revisions :)
 
I've come to a decision. I'll released revised versions of my first two installments... after my next update. :cool:
 
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