Top Link: An AH Vignette from the Great European Railway

TOP LINK: an AH vignette on the Great European Railway

[Excerpt from Top Link S19E01, production code #TL256]

BLACKY:

“…and so Tinders and I found ourselves in Wembley Park, in the most glorious weather this sceptred isle can muster, he with a pint of Barnsley Pride in hand and me nursing a bottle of Old Fruit cider. And as we watched the shadows of the clouds scud across Watkin Tower, there was only one question on our minds:”

Tinders?”

Yes, Blacky?”

Where is Mumby?”

*

Welcome aboard this Great European service to Aberdeen…”

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

*

TINDERS:

“From the top of Watkin Tower, Blacky and I could see a vast swathe of London laid out beneath us. From the towers of New Southwark, far away on the south bank of the Thames, to the unspoilt loveliness of Hertfordshire to our north, it was a truly breathtaking sight.

“When Edward Watkin completed his Great European Railway in 1899, there was already one tower at either end – on the Champs de Mars in Paris, named after its designer, Gustave Eiffel; and in New Brighton, across the Mersey from Liverpool. Watkin had long wanted a similar design for his pleasure gardens, at Wembley on what was then the Metropolitan Railway; but his would not merely be a copy of Paris or New Brighton’s – no, his would be even taller. In fact, it would be the tallest building… in the world.”

BLACKY:

“The Great Tower of London – as it was originally known – was a grandiose bit of self-publicity from the most skilled self-publicist of the Victorian age… but it wasn’t just self-publicity. It was also a proud statement to visitors heading north from the Continent, the first thing they would see as their trains emerged from the smoke-filled cuttings and tunnels beneath London and into the fresh air of the English countryside.”

*

Actually, the tunnels ended a few miles south of here and the Metropolitan was overground from West Hampstead-”

YES I KNOW THAT JACK, I’M TRYING TO MAKE A RHETORICAL POINT”

I’m just – Tom – I’m just saying that isn’t what it was like.”

JUST BE QUIET AND LET ME TELL THE STORY”

Alright.”

*

BLACKY:

“To those returning home from travels abroad, Watkin Tower was intended as a beacon – a welcome reminder that you were back in the Workshop of the World, the cradle of the mightiest Empire the world had ever seen. And for those visiting from far-off lands, it was a defiant finger pointed heavenwards – and a warning: ‘Don’t Mess With Us’.

“And whenever people have tried to mess with us, the destruction of Watkin Tower has always been high on their lists.”

TINDERS:

“In 1913, the Tower was rammed by an Ottoman mintad.

“In 1930, at the Battle of Wembley Park, Nascentites acting in support of the attempted coup captured the Tower and attempted to blow it up.

“And in 1940, as Russian and Turkish troops poured through the Chunnel and on to English soil, their ten-day objective was the capture of Wembley Park and the destruction of Watkin Tower – which, like the end of its Paris predecessor, would be broadcast around the world.

“This isn’t just supposition; they actually made the broadcast plans. You can see them in the Tower Museum here in the Park.”

BLACKY:

“But, obviously, they failed. And Watkin Tower is still standing after a hundred and twenty years.

“And isn’t it just magnificent?”

MUMBY:

“While I was on my way to North Britain, the others decided to crack on with the next challenge.”

*

Right, let’s see what Ed’s got for us this time.”

Oh-kay, let’s crack open the envelope and… oh.”

Does it start with ‘you idiots’ again?”

“‘You idiots. This challenge requires three people, but there are only two of you.’”

Yes, but… Bob’s in Cumbria or somewhere, he’s not getting here any time soon.”

Wait, there’s more: ‘Fortunately, I have accounted for your stupidity by sending along a tame engine-driver.’ Some say that he rears free-range avocados – and that he once hijacked Somalia.”

All we know is – he’s not Thande… but he is Thande’s Metropolitan cousin!”
 
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