The 2014 Royal Rumble Match
#1: John Cena
#2 Seth Rollins
And without even letting Cena get up, Rollins is sent out. For added fun, Triple H is offering a bonus of $100,000 to whoever eliminates the #1 guy from the Rumble. Rollins and Cena go at it.
#3: Damien Sandow
And here comes the last World Heavyweight Champion. He hasn't gotten his consolation prize, but he's willing to help eliminate Cena here to get that bonus. Could get him a fine art piece for his home.
#4: Cody Rhodes
And Cody comes in to pull off Sandow, looking to deprive him of the Rumble win given how Sandow deprived him of the Money in the Bank briefcase.
#5: Kane
And here comes the Corporate Demon to help Rollins in trying to eliminate Cena.
#6: Alexander Rusev
So, I remember when I first saw Alexander Rusev. It was a Skype call watching this Rumble and everyone in there, myself included, pegged Rusev as another lumbering big man wrestler who wasn't gonna make it long. And then he just shot out like a fucking cannonball and hit Rollins with this amazing spinning heel kick and everyone was shocked. And he brings the noise here, just throwing superkicks at everyone before turning to help Rollins and Kane.
#7: Jack Swagger
Now, Swagger would certainly like the hundred grand, but he also doesn't like this big Bulgarian dude and really, who doesn't wanna see these two hosses throw each other around.
#8: Kofi Kingston
Kofi jumps in after Rollins, breaking them off and leaving Cena to mount a comeback against Kane.
#9: Jimmy Uso
Jimmy goes in to help Kofi against Seth while Rusev and Swagger duke it out. Cena manages to toss Kane out (30, Kane) and Sandow sends out Cody (29, Cody)
#10: Goldust
Goldust goes in to avenge his brother while Cena charges into the Rusev/Swagger fight, helping Swagger to send out the Bulgarian Brute (28, Rusev) before Swagger turns on Cena.
#11: Dean Ambrose
Ambrose rolls in to save his Shield running mate. The fights are now Cena/Swagger, Goldust/Sandow, and Kofi/Jimmy vs. The Shield.
#12: Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler goes to help Cena against Swagger since the two have history to play off of. It's looking like Swaggie Time might be over.
#13: R-Truth
R-Truth joins Kofi and Jimmy in fighting the Shield while Ziggler and Cena toss out Swagger (27, Swagger) and Sandow finishes off the presence of the Rhodes brothers in this match (26, Goldust) Ziggler goes after Sandow while Cena joins the babyfaces fighting the Shield. The Shield stand their ground, but things aren't looking good.
#14: Kevin Nash
And now things are about to get worse for the Shield. It's Big Sexy Daddy Diesel Cool Steel Oz! It's now become five against two and it looks like the Shield might not make it much farther. The two try to focus on Cena but get pulled off him no matter what.
#15: Roman Reigns
IT'S TIME TO MAKE ROMAN LOOK REALLY STRONG! Roman charges in with Spears for everyone! Nash gets a Spear! Kofi gets a spear! Jimmy gets a spear! R-Truth gets a Spear! Cena gets a Spear! SPEAR CITY, BITCH!
The Shield toss out some bodies. Ambrose sends out R-Truth (25, R-Truth) and Jimmy Uso (24, Jimmy) while Roman sends out Kevin Nash (23, Nash) and Kofi Kingston (22, Kofi) though he does the guardrail save so it takes longer than usual.
#16: The Great Khali
And without even a blink, the Shield go ahead and toss this lumbering log of a man out (21, Khali) before turning their attention to Cena. Meanwhile, Dolph has sent Sandow packing (20, Sandow) and is looking to help out Cena.
#17: Sheamus
And Sheamus comes in to help even the score, making it the Shield vs. Cena/Ziggler/Sheamus as we draw closer to the end.
#18: The Miz
Miz opts to come in and stick to a corner to watch the fireworks as the six-man brawl gets underway.
#19: Fandango
Fandango dances his way to the ring, and as soon as he gets in, he gets dropped with a Skull Crushing Finale.
The fight stops and everyone looks as the fallen Fandango rises... only to catch a Spear from Reigns. Who then tosses him to Sheamus for a Brogue Kick. Fandango then gets Curbstomped by Rollins and then staggers into a Zig-Zag. As he begins to come back to, he's hit with a Dirty Deeds from Ambrose and then tossed to Cena for the AA. Roman then grabs him and sends him out (19, Fandango)
It's these moments that always make me happy when I book Royal Rumbles.
Everyone goes back to fighting, Miz settles into his corner and here comes the 20th man.
#20: Bray Wyatt
Miz makes a point to give Bray space, taking another corner while Bray settles himself in his own corner. Just sits and waits.
#21: Antonio Cesaro
Cesaro goes after Ziggler, looking to pay him back for eliminating Swagger. This causes some problems for the team fighting the Shield, especially when Miz pulls Cena away to fight him. Poor Sheamus is now left on his own and gets sent out as the three manage to overpower him, Reigns spearing him off the apron (18, Sheamus)
#22: Luke Harper
Oh, here we go. As soon as Harper is in, he and Bray start attacking the Shield. It's 3-on-2 in the Shield's favor, but Bray and Harper are newer and Seth's been in since #2, so it evens out.
#23: Jey Uso
Jey comes in to help his cousin fight off Harper, but ends up getting thrown out (17, Jey) which riles Roman up.
#24: JBL
An attempted Superman Punch to Harper sends JBL over and out (16, JBL)
#25: Erick Rowan
And now it's a party. Shield vs. The Wyatt Family in the Royal Rumble! Meanwhile, Cena sends out Miz (15, Miz) and Ziggler overcomes Cesaro (14, Cesaro)
#26: Ryback
Ryback charges right for Cena, the two throwing hands. Roman eliminates Rowan (13, Rowan) while Harper takes out Ambrose (12, Ambrose)
#27: Alberto del Rio
And here comes Del Rio to fight Ziggler. The Wyatt/Shield fight thins down again Roman sending out Harper (11, Harper) and Bray tossing out Seth (10, Rollins)
#28: Brock Lesnar
Ohhhhh shit. Lesnar shoves Roman and Bray aside as he beelines for Cena, suplexing Ryback off of him and then clotheslining John right out of the match (9, Cena) before climbing out himself (8, Lesnar) and just destroying Cena. It's absolute devastation. If there's an announce table left, Cena's going through it. Lesnar gives him an F5 on stairs, lets out a primal scream and storms off, $100,000 richer.
#29: Big E Langston
Langston comes in to face off against Ryback, leaving us with Roman/Bray, Ziggler/Del Rio, and Langston/Ryback. The last one. Who is the final entrant in the Royal Rumble? Who is gonna face Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania XXX?
#30: Triple H
Yep. You knew this was coming. But Triple H doesn't get in immediately. First, he waits to see who is left. Roman eliminates Bray (7, Wyatt) while Ziggler sends out Del Rio (6, Del Rio) and Ryback does a Gorilla Press to send out Big E (5, Langston) Ziggler plays pinball for the two hosses, but Roman fights Ryback for the elimination and Ryback instead gets tossed out (4, Ryback)
Then Triple H walks in, gives Ziggler a Pedigree and leaves him for Roman (3, Ziggler) only for Roman to be sneak tossed out by Hunter at the end (2, Reigns)
Let's get some NOs going here. 1.) Triple H wins the Royal Rumble. NO! 2.) He did it after only being in the match for five minutes. NO! NO! 3.) He deprived a newer talent of the main event spot. NO! NO! NO! 4.) If my math is right, he deprived Reigns of his record-breaking twelve eliminations. NO! NO! NO! NO! 5.) He's going to try and take the world title from Daniel Bryan.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!