“No no, it's quite alright” Arthur protested, holding one hand out as if in an attempt to ward off the bouncer and erratically ruffling through each of his pockets with the other. The biggest problem with going to for the suit and purple tie, other than the fact that it made him look like a ponce, was that he had 12 different pockets to hide a ticket in.
“I’ve got it here somewhere, I was one of the first to buy one! I’m Secretary for the Co-op Club and-“
The bouncer failed to keep a sigh in, Artie guessed that the ageing Yorkshireman had heard more than his fair share of self-important students throw around petty club titles as if they meant anything.
“Sir, if you can’t find a ticket then you need to le-“
With far more drama than the situation demanded, Arthur whipped the scrap of paper from his breast pocket and held it high.
“Here you are!” The bouncer nodded and gestured through the archway, where Artie joined a stream of ever so slightly intoxicated students and turned the corner into the bar. The Oxford Union was the place to be on election night, at least for those students who didn’t think that the place was an exclusive den of toffs, hacks and ideologues. Entering the bar, Arthur found the room full to burst with a veritable rainbow of campaigners and one-day political hopefuls, gossiping and whispering in little colour coded groups around the room. Elections must have been a lot easier when there was a two party system. Glancing about it didn’t seem that any of his friends or even his colleagues in the club had made it out yet, probably too “bougie” for half of them anyway. Shrugging silently to himself, he turned to the bar itself and hopped up onto a stool.
“Pint of-“
“SPECIAL PARTY COCKTAILS ONLY €2 EACH!” exclaimed the rather excitable bartender who had clearly been knocking himself back a coalition.
Arthur forced a smile and tapped the round, wolf-bearing pin on his lapel. “I’ll take the… CoOp-racao.” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Taking a sip from the bright purple concoction he tried his hardest not to gag and thanked God on high that he didn’t have to endure the Confeder-ol mix of Swedish larger and blue food dye. Wishing he’d gone for the pint instead, Artie checked his watch – 9.50, still a good ten minutes before the polls closed. He’d gotten his vote in, along with some pals, many hours earlier and it felt good to vote for the first time, he just hoped it’d mean something.
“AJ!” he heard the voice a second before the hand collided into his back. Ever-so-slightly bruised, Arthur turned to find the – somewhat intoxicated – head of the Green/Red Oxford Alliance standing before him. “How are you old sport?”
Arthur smiled, “Alright Mike but aren’t you meant to call me comrade or something? ‘Old Sport’ is far too reactionary for the future hero of the revolution.” Michael Gwenyn was a round, red faced man with an ill-fitting red and green t-shirt and a few randomly scattered tufts of stubble on his face.
“Oh come on Artie, you of all people know that the revolution is so much bigger than that. We’re in for a good night I feel.” By “we” Mike meant the Left-Ecologist coalition and he seemed to be the only person on earth who thought they stood any chance of not getting obliterated. Panting and somewhat wobbly, Mike grabbed himself a stool and pulled up to the table. Noticing Arthur’s almost entirely untouched drink, he offered his own which was, for some reason, a rather suspicious yellow colour.
“Ours is watermelon!”
“Appropriate! Ours is shit.”
“Also appropriate!” Mike winked and Arthur gave him a punch in the arm before making a final attempt at his curacao-based nightmare. “Heard anything from your HQ?” Mike asked.
Artie bit his lip. “No, but no news is bad news. You?”
Mike shrugged. “Polling’s bad but what can you expect when a cabal of half a dozen businessmen own all the polling companies, first policy should be nationalising the poll companies.” They both forced out a chuckle, if the evidence panned out then the night was going to be a punishing one for the pair of them.
“Anyway, here’s to smashing capitalism.” As they toasted the coming socialist victory, a couple in almost matching colours sat down next to them.
“Evening boys,” Leo Daniels said, smiling. His foppish blonde hair, neat RAF style moustache and clean, navy suit marked him out as every bit the stereotypical public-school boy. The affected accent helped too, as did the oversized rosette loudly bearing the words “VOTE TORY, VOTE CONFEDERAL!”
“Alright Leo,” Artie replied and, glancing at the garish adornment “You do know you’re not actually running for office yet?”
Making a noise that could only be interpreted as a “guffaw” and stroking one side of his moustache with a thumb, Leo replied “Give it a year or four, I’ve already got an internship lined up in the Treasury. Daddy was fag for the Chancellor.”
Dreading the day that he ever made it into power, Arthur turned to the woman on his right. “Good to see you, Anna.”
Annabel Adler nodded confidently and grinned. “Good to see you too Artie, Mike. I think it's going to be an extremely exciting night for all of us.” Anna’s Hamburg roots were easy to hear but her two-and-a-half years at Oxford, as well as her role within the tiny British branch of the Christian People’s Party, had blended in elements of an RP accent.
“You’re going to lose seats you know.” Mike said and she nodded, confidently. “Of course, it has been a hard few years for the union but Mutti is as popular as ever and honestly, when have we ever done as poorly as that last poll said? They were wrong in 09, they’ll be wrong tonight.”
Conventional wisdom and indeed the conventional powers that be had been saying such things for months.
“Anyway, everyone is happier and richer than ever!”
“Tell that to the homeless.” opined Arthur.
“And the unemployed.” Mike joined in.
“And the Army!” Hugh finished, desperate to be included.
She batted away their points as if they were a particularly annoying fly, “Technicalities! It’s going to be another boring night, just like the last four.”
Just as she finished talking, the laughter and warmth of the room faded a little as a procession of men - and only men - stomped in, most of them clad in black, perfectly ironed shirts that were just irregular enough to fall short of a uniform. Their timing had to be deliberate and Arthur wondered if they’d just been poised, waiting outside the door for their dramatic entrance.
“Fascist pigs.” Mike spat, following them as they migrated towards a back corner of the bar. “Why the fuck they aren’t banned I’ll never know.”
“Now now,” Hugh waggled a bony finger and grinned, “The Vigilant are a good sort. Proper Patriots, a little brash sure but I promise you they’re sound, sound gents. Why, I see at least one Churchill in there.”
Artie patted Mike on the back, “Don’t worry mate, we’ll send ‘em packing. We all know Anna’s lot are going to win anyway.”
“TURN IT UP, IT'S COMING ON.” Someone shouted from the back of the room. Immediately, a hundred pairs of eyes snapped to the massive LCD in front of them as the letters E.B.C. rolled into view before a massive “1” slammed down behind them. As the volume went up from silent to blaring, dulcet welsh tones told the room “…for the next twelve hours, so strap in, it's time – for the Federal Election, 2019.”
A slight cheer went up throughout the room, and people turned to each other in hushed but energetic conversation as EBC shot through a rapid montage of the past two months of campaigning. The Minister-President smiling and shaking hands with voters in Czechoslovakia, a changing of the guard on the Polish/Soviet Border, black-clad volunteers handing out fliers covered in Union Jacks and European Flags, the Italian Leader of the Democrats kissing a baby and finally spinning around Big Ben and the EBC Head Office in London.
Panning down from rafters full of cameras, lights and an assortment of other gear, the television screen zoomed towards a red desk, behind which sat the ever-angry looking and slightly scruffy face of Charlie Brooker.
“Good Evening ladies and gentlemen,”
“Lord,” Hugh muttered, “why in Gods name did they think this fellow would be a good follow-up to old Dimbles?”
Artie shrugged. “ I like him, bet you anything he’s one of ours. They probably just wanted to spice it up a little”
“Tonight,” the face on the television continued, “from the Atlantic to the Danube the people of Europe will have their say in just who runs the Federation. With the polls tightening, it looks like we’ll be in for a busy night and to bring you the results we here at the EBC have assembled a crack team of experts, whiz kids and the occasional weirdo to bring you an in depth look at how and maybe why the votes were cast.”
Brooker tapped his pen against the table and the camera span around and down to a sofa below his platform. “Louis Theroux will be giving our guests a right grilling as the winners and losers find themselves on his sofa.” Theroux, clad in a neat suit and tie but bereft of the beard he’d been sporting for the last few months, cleared his throat and shuffled awkwardly.
“Thanks Charlie, yes tonight I’ll be joined by a series of British and European politicians as well as some commenters, pollsters and experts to give their thoughts on what goes down. Join me later when the Prime Minister and Leader of HM’s Opposition will be giving their thoughts on the results.” As the camera span away again, Annabel let out a deep sigh.
“God he’s hunky.”
“Not my type.” Mike muttered.
Before Arthur had the chance to berate her on her terrible taste in men, Brooker had moved on.
“And handling a series of no doubt subtle and tasteful CGI wonders are Huw Edwards over at the map room.” the camera cut to the somewhat grumpy looking Welshman standing like a bored god on a massive map of Europe, each country and province coloured white. “Yes, Charlie, here I’ll be mapping the votes as they come in but remember, Council Ministers are appointed proportionally within each country, small ones like Switzerland, Ireland or Finland have just 25 whereas Britain, France and Germany have 125, with lots of other countries in between. When a country is declared we’ll light it up in the colour of the winner so you can see the results rolling in from east” he gestured out in the direction of the Soviet Union, “to west.”, swinging an arm around to point at Britain. “It’s going to be a very exciting night!” Edwards smiled but seemed a little miffed that, again, he’d been passed over for the top presenting job.
Brooker seemed not to notice. “Thanks, Huw. And next, it’s Victoria Coren, who will be crunching the numbers for us.” For her part, Coren looked much more enthusiastic, stood, smiling, at the centre of a massive CG European Parliament. The massive white marble hall of the Federal Parliament held a thousand ornate chairs and the flags of each of the federations sixteen member states in a semicircle. Standing at the centre of all of these, was the even larger and raised chair of the Minister-President, flanked on either said by ten slightly less impressive seats for the various cabinet ministers. The entire digital production was empty bar Cohen, standing in the middle with a slab[2]-PDA[3] in hand.
“Hello, Charlie! Yes as the night goes on this hall will fill up with various figures to represent the newly elected Council Ministers from all across the Federation. Now,” she said walking from the digital podium to the edge of the empty seats “tonight not only will these figures be colour coded according to their party affiliation but for the first time we’ll be using the official logos and mascots of the party to fill the hall.”
Mike groaned at that but the rest of them smiled. Like everything in the European Federation, party logos had been standardised: simplistic animal designs with one colour. It made everything look pretty and neat but it was a little boring compared to the variety of the past. Some parties had chosen better than others.
“Seriously, they made us bloody bees!” Mike whined and threw back the rest of his watermelon cocktail. “Who the hell picks a bee? A green bee at that. How the hell do you show a bee in Parliament?”
Despite the audience protest, Cohen continued. “And here’s the makeup from 2014.”
From right to left of the great marble hemisphere they streamed in, a small huddle of black bulls, rampant and snorting: before navy lions, sat back with heads held high; sky blue eagles with wings folded neatly behind them; orange doves, looking somewhat cowed by their vicious neighbours; purple wolves with heads cocked to one side; green bees of a terrifying size that floated and swayed above the ground, and finally a thin line of crimson bears.
Arthur smiled and shook a finger. “I’m surprised an Old Etonian like you doesn’t know his Kipling. ‘Strength of the pack’ and all that.”
“I bet he prefers ‘White Man’s Burden.” Ann muttered.
As the whole digital chamber came into view, you could easily tell that the Eagles had the best of it. The seats were at least 30% sky-coloured and the sizable chunk of lions gave the blues a slim majority.
“As you can see,” Coren continued, “The CPP have the largest chunk of seats and with their Confederal allies were able to squeeze out a majority of 509. Now, if Minister-President Merkel wants to stay in power she’ll have quite a few options and whatever happens tonight it seems likely that she’ll be waltzing back into the Elysian Palace tomorrow morning.”
A brief chant of “Mutti! Mutti!” came up from the Christian Party supporters before being sushed down by the general audience.
“The CPP have formed governments with the Cons, Dems and even the now extinct Liberals in the past but in the 7 elections leading up to tonight, they’ve always been a part of the ruling coalition.” A few of the Soviets booed from the back. “From right to left we’ve got the Vigilant Coalition, mostly newcomers to the Chamber, they’ll be hoping to nab a few seats in Poland, Hungary and maybe even France. Even though the VA were polling well at the start of the campaign, even taking the lead once or twice, we’ve seen those numbers slip following controversial statements from Vigilant CMs. That’s coupled with a manifesto full of radical policies such as the repatriation of Soviet asylum seekers and an end to the European-Oceanic Alliance. There are even talks about building an alliance with Washington DC and the US but none of this has been official. Whilst Minister-President Merkel has strictly ruled out any power sharing arrangements with the Vigilant, they’ll be hoping to tip the scales in any right-of-centre government.”
From their dingy corner, the Vigilant backers started a dull chorus of “These Most Sacred Fatherlands”, although one particularly sloshed blackshirt seemed to be stuck on “Panzerlied”.
“Loving leftward, but not by much, we’ve got the Confederals.” A roar of WHEY when up from the Tories in the room. “Currently the biggest party in terms of UK support but lagging behind a lot of the others, they’re at 112 Council Ministers with 54 of them coming from the UK.”
“Tory scum!” Mike shouted through cupped hands and, whilst the bouncer outside gave him a nasty look, Leo simply turned up his nose.
“Of course moving on from them we have Mrs Merkel’s Christian People’s Party, currently on 397 and by far the largest group in the room. They’ve been having some trouble recently, both the Turkish Civil War and the Euro-shilling crash have hurt them and pilling suggests they could be on for their worst performance ever. We shouldn't discount the possibility, however, that Mrs Merkel’s own popularity might keep them afloat. To win, they’ll be looking for good performances in Germany, Sweden, Spain, Austria and Poland.”
“Moving over from Centre-Right to centre-left we come to the European Democrats or DEMS!”, Coren shouted the word as most people outside the party had taken to doing” as the rebrand insists.” Even the proudest Democrats shirked away from the new, bright orange “DEMS!” logo. Someone at the bar had it across the chest of their shirt and looked to be seriously considering streaking as a viable alternative.
“Now last time they had a good year, hitting 209 Councillors, forming the official opposition and winning their highest seat count since 1984. Controversy over their newest leader and a general sense of them being, to quote one Parisian commenter, “just a bit pathetic really”, has seen them trailing in the polls. Can they hold on to past gains? Their bases in France, the Netherlands and Denmark all need to stay firm if they’re in with any hope of being in government.”
“Onto the most ferocious looking of our animals, the Wolves of the Cooperative Party” Arthur cheered and held a fist high at the mention of his own party, even if he did refrain from bursting into song. “One of two parties tonight with British candidates at the helm, can their sacred Scotsman lead them into command of the Elysian Palace? They had a rough go of it in 2014, down from a solid 2009 performance to the rather smaller 191, slipping below the 200 mark for the first time since the 80s. Having said that, the Cooperatives have run a popular campaign and there's a lot of fuss online about their new leader, could this be their lucky year?”
“Coming onto our last two parties and reaching the definite left, the Left-Ecologists are hoping for a breakthrough tonight. They made good progress last year, up to 44, and are hoping to see that continue. Wales, Norway and Portugal are the places to watch for our watermelon bumblebees!”
Mike groaned as if his mum had just whipped out the baby photos and took a big swig of someone else's drink.
“Why couldn’t we be stags or badgers or something?” he demanded, “Anything but bloody bees.”
Coren, now having had quite the walk across what must have been a massive green-room seemed to be breathing heavily but persevered onto the final party.
“And last but not least, the Marxist Solidarity Front. Don’t let the size of these bears fool you, there’s only about a dozen of them in the chamber but with a new government in Leningrad and their French Firebrand at the helm, could the MSF finally get that breakthrough they’ve always been hoping for?”
Will tonight see the end of that Christian winning streak? Will the left make the breakthrough they’ve always wanted, or the Vigilant? Or will we be in for another centre-right win? It’s all to play for.”
The camera held on Coren for slightly too long as her smile went from enthusiastic to strained before Brookers face appeared back on screen. “Right and with the preview for Jungle Book 4 out of the way, it is-” Brooker glanced at his watch, “9.58 and 49 second which means I can reveal the exit poll and the first results in just over a minute. Remember, polls close at 10PM wherever you are. That means voting in the east ended at 8PM GMT and on the rest of the mainland at 9. It's just us Brits, the Portuguese and the Irish being awkward. The votes are already being counted in some parts of the Federation and in just a few seconds when Big Ben strikes ten, I’ll be able to give you the Preliminary results of our exit poll. This is a joint poll, conducted for EBC, F-SPAN and Sky by Ipsos Mori and is just a well-educated guess at how the night might turn out.” Checking the screen in front of him, “So in just a few seconds…”
All of a sudden the bells of Big Ben burst into life and the television screen jumped to a picture of the clock tower. In the Union Bar, silence fell and everyone instinctively leaned forwards. With excruciating slowness, the Bells chimed to a stop and a flash of white took over the screen, flying down from above the words, number and logo and logo slammed violently into view.
“And the results of our exit p- bloody hell!”
Brooker, the room and the entire continent fell silent for a second that lasted an hour. There, standing in front of them were the undeniable and impossible words:
Jeers and shouts immediately filled the hall as the black bull stared down on the bar from above. The Blackshirts in the back seemed to have doubled in size, though that may have been Arthur’s imagination. For a few seconds, his brain shut down, slowly coming to terms with just what the numbers on the screen said.
Anna was fighting back tears, a third of the way into a bottle of gin, whilst Mike had joined a group of rather angry students stepping up to the blackshirts. The bouncer and a couple of Connies stood in between the two groups, trying their best to keep the dispute verbal. Shouts of “Racist bastard!” and “Commie scum!” shot back and forth between the bunches of black and red. Peeling his eyes away from the drama, Artie turned back to the TV.
“...profusely sorry for my choice of words, I was simply caught off guard by these… extraordinary results. Huw?”
Over on the first green screen, Huw Edwards was -oddly enough- as professional as ever.
“Thank you Charles. Now if we look at this projected onto our map, it pans out like this.”
Beneath his feet, Europes segments lit up or darkened out, the west turning a deep shade of purple whilst slowly fading to black as it crept east. Britain, Scandinavia, Northern France, North Germany and the Beleneux were all thick with Coop Purple, with the odd smattering of navy, light blue and orange. Poland, Hungary and Italy meanwhile were jet black.
“We’re seeing huge gains for the VA across the central and eastern Europe as well as in the newer, Mediterranean members of the Federation. This would be - by a significant margin - their best result at the European Council election. What you can also see, interestingly, is colossal gains for the Cooperative Party in the west. Cooperative Candidates haven’t come first in Britain in over 30 years but as we can see they appear to have swept northern Europe as well as the major population centres of Berlin, Prague, Lisbon and Paris.” Edwards pointed from city to city where, within a checkerboard of blue and black, purple hot spots lit up.
“Perhaps the most shocking event, besides the Vigilant gains, however, is the complete collapse of the Christian People’s Party. It seems that, whilst Mrs Merkel’s party has taken a minor hit in the popular vote they’ve been crushed in eastern Europe by a VA surge and beaten out by more united left wing vote in the north and west.
I will remind viewers that this is just an exit poll and we won’t have the first results for another few minutes. Over to you Charlie.”
Brooker, who had composed himself somewhat, still couldn’t stop his voice from cracking halfway through the second sentence. “Yeah, thanks, Huw. I supp-OSE it's down to Louis, who has the PM and the other one in.”
Louis Theroux’s mouth was a straight line as he stared directly into the camera. “Riiiiiiiight, thanks, Charlie. I’m sitting here with the Prime Minister, whose party are associated with the Confederals and the Leader of the Opposition, who backs the Cooperatives.”
Turning to face his guests, Louis found himself sitting across from one skinny, smooth headed man in a red tie and another whose blond hair seemed somehow even crazier than ever.
“First, Prime Minister. What we’re seeing is minor setbacks for your party and a massive surge for your rivals in the Vigilant Alliance, do you think your Government is in any way responsible for this European decline of traditional Conservatism?”
“Frankly Louis,” the great blusterer began, “That's a load of hogwash. I think you have to remember this is only an exit poll, if you look at the exit poll in the last British election it had my own party down by 34 seats when in fact-”
“-you were down by 10.” the Leader of the Opposition chimed in.
“Quite. Whats important to note is that it's a very chaotic election, lots of new party leaders and factors we just haven’t seen before, the poll could be a million miles away from the final result.I think by the end of the night you’ll see a Tory-backed Confederal government in the Palace.”
Theroux nodded and seemed to consider that for a moment. “So will the Confederal Party be open to a coalition involving the Vanguard?”
“Well I… I…” the PM fiddled with his collar “Whilst I am certainly a leader within the movement, the Conservative Party are only one part of a larger group and-”
“So you don’t have any power over that decision?”
“No! Well, yes. No. Listen… Mr Fillon and the party leadership-”
“Oh come on Boris,” the Leader of the Opposition butted in, “Is the Prime Minister seriously saying he’d support a coalition with Italian Fascists and Spanish Francoists?”
Louis nodded slowly, “Is that what you’re saying Prime Minister?”
“No! Well, there are no options off the table-”
“Not even for fascists?” Theroux probed.
“Well you see, I- I- I couldn't possibly say at this time. I wouldn’t call the Vigilant fascist per-se, they’re more a coalition of the more…” he searched for the right words, “Overly enthusiastic members of the right. Whatever the case. We must see how the night evolves.”
“And with the collapse of the CPP, do you think it was the correct decision for the Conservative Party to break away and form the Confederals as an entirely separate party? It’s no secret that the Conservative Party wanted more freedom and authority but given the turn of the Confederal Party to the right and the decline in the CPP today, do you think that decision remains the correct one?”
“Well Louis that was a move made not by me but by my predecessor and it had been nearly eleven years now since the split and what we’ve seen is more and more European parties signing up to be a part of our Confederals. Whilst we have a lot in common with the CPP, you’ve got to remember that we have utterly different views on the future of Europe. You will know that I am a committed and proud European but we in the Conservative Party and on a federal level the Confederal party think that the Federation should be loose and open, rather than the ever tightening bond the CPP support. I think it's been a success for us.”
“Thank you, Prime Minister.” Theroux turned to the leader of the opposition. “Now, Mr Lewis your Party’s allies have done extremely well tonight, can we expect similar results at the Westminister Elections next May?”
“Well I hope so!” came Clive Lewis’ enthusiastic reply, “Tonight is an excellent night for th Cooperative Party and here in the UK its good night for the Labour Party too. Obviously, I’m concerned at the rise in far right gains but I don’t think we’ll see them pan out, at least not to the degree that the exit poll implies.”
“Couldn’t you say,” Theroux inquired, “That its just that sort of complacency that’s allowing such dramatic gains for the Vigilant?”
The Leader of the Opposition paused for a moment and seemed to genuinely consider the point.
“Maybe,” he allowed, nodding and looking considerably less enthusiastic than before, “But nevertheless the night is young and we should be cautious about trusting the exit poll too much, it is only a guess after all. I do think, however, that at the end of the night the most likely outcome is our man in the Elysian Palace.”
“And he really is your man isn’t he.” Louis said, “In fact whilst there has been one Cooperative Minister-President before, there’s never been one from the Labour party or a British MP at all.”
“Well Louis,” the Leader of the opposition was now looking straight down the camera. “It looks like a night for firsts.”
“I would like to point out,” the Boris Johnson piped up, clearly frustrated to have been excluded from the discussion for so long, “That this exit poll does put the Confederal Party at its second best result, ever.”
“After last year.” Louis butted in.
“Yes, I think it's quite possible that, whoever the Minister-President ends up being, they just might be helped along by the Confederals.”
Theroux paused for a second and then, “Could you see your two parties entering into a coalition?”
In sync, both men barked a short laugh.
“No.” one said.
“No.” the other agreed.
“Right then, I know you’re both extremely busy gentlemen and Mr Lewis I imagine you’ll be wanting to head to your party HQ and be with your federal leader for the count so one final question. There’s been a lot of talk of expanding the Federation, both of your parties have committed to negotiations on this expansion but what are your personal takes?”
The Prime Minister started off with a grin. “Well absolutely yes, I think there are many countries that, whilst not European per se, are in fact very much European in character. As you gentlemen will know there are none more committed to the European project than I and indeed I think the injection of some Commonwealth states would be good both for the Federation and for Britain within it.”
Nodding, Lewis said “Stop the presses because me and the PM actually agree on something here. Although I would like to point out that Israel-Palestine is also up for inclusion and, as a close ally of the Federation and a free, multi-cultural democracy, we should absolutely be moving to integration.”
“Thank you both, now it's off to one of our plucky field reporters for their on the ground view.”
As some poor bastard in Norway shouted into a microphone with wind, rain and storm, Arthur was doing his damnedest to ignore the fighting behind him. The Confederals, who had seemingly abandoned their CPP friends, were now wriggling their way into the Blackshirt group, mingling and shouting alongside their newfound friends. It’s incredible just how fast the tides turned.
The room was so quiet now, Mike and Hugh, who had found themselves on either side of the emerging brawl, were both dragged out into the street along with the rest of the writhing mess of green, black, blue and red. Anna had taken the result hard and politely disappeared to go and binge drink in peace leaving Arthur abandoned in the middle of an increasingly empty room. As he stared up at the telly, Charlie Brooker seemed to be sharing in his moment of anguish. “Interesting stuff, I’m hearing that the Polish results will be in shortly but before that I’ve got Catharine Rice, head of Ipsos-Mori, to tell us just how they cocked up the results so poorly. Well, Cathy? Just how did you miss the black tide?”
As the poor woman stuttered and blustered, searching desperately for some logical explanation and seemingly stuck in a loop on the point that “vote splitting and the provinces mean that…”. Exhaling deeply, Arthur found himself once again alone and went to the bar to order a scotch. About a third of the way through his quadruple serving of Laphroaig however, his right pocket lit up and started singing.
“♫Things, can only get betteeeer♫.” Taking the PDA out of his pocket and lifting it lazily to his ear, Arthur clicked the green button on the side.
“AJ here, what’s up?”
“Artie!” the panting voice came, accompanied by two pairs of hurried footsteps. “It’s Jim!” “And Simon!” came a distant shout. “Yeah and Si, we got delayed, had a few pints in the Cape and got distracted." a laugh came from the background and then: "Yeah, "distracted" by that fit girl from Univ you like!"
"Shut up Si. What’s going on, have we missed the exit poll?”
“Yep.” Arthur replied, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “You’re not going to believe it.”
“What did he say?” echoed simons distant voice. “He said we’re not going to believe it! So,” Jim said, “Good or bad?”
“Well, kind of both?” Arthur thought about it for a moment, so far he’d just been despairing but there was a lot of good news to be had. The Co-Ops had been campaigning hard but 300 had been their high target, having nearly 70 seats above that was far more than anyone had anticipated. “A nice chunk of good and then a landfill of bad.”
“Oh Christ,” the runners came to a stop and, panting, went silent for a second. “Good news first?”
“We’re on 368.” “What was that?” came the second voice on the other end of the PDA, “Artie says we’re on 368!” Cheers of joy and what Arthur guessed were hi-fives filled the airwaves and he held the device away from his ear to avoid any damage to his hearing.
“Alright! Fantastic! So, what’s the problem?”
“We’re not the largest party.”
“Oh.”
“Vigilant are.”
A pause, slightly longer than acceptable. “Jim?” Arthur asked.
“Oh.” Jim repeated. “Whats wrong?” “It’s uh, the Blackshirts.” The voices grew quieter as Jim cupped his hand over the speaker of his PDA “They’re the biggest party.”
“Bollocks!” Arthur could almost hear Jim shrug. “Well, we’re coming down George Street now. Be there in a moment.”
Sure enough, the woman from Ipsos-Mori was still floundering her way through Brooker’s grilling by the time that the pair arrived. They were both wearing dark purple “Vote Co-Op” T-shirts from the campaigning earlier but Jim had thrown a suit jacket over his. Both were dripping wet from the rain and still breathing heavily from their sprint across Oxford. Jim was the taller of the two, scraping 6’ 2” with a scruffy beard, messy hair and round glasses, people had joked about Arthur and his’ own similarity since they’d both ran for Secretary at the end of Michaelmas term (Jim had won but didn’t run again in Hillary, so Arthur took it). Simon was skinnier and slightly pale, with short cropped hair and an e-cigarette in one hand, a slight northern accent betraying his Yorkshire origins.
“Alone again AJ?” Arthur laughed despite himself. “I had a little cross-party thing going on but Mike and Hugh-“ “Hugh Lane?” Jim asked and Artie nodded his assent. “Christ I hate him.” “Everyone hates him.” Simon opined. “He’s not so bad. Not that it matters, Mike and Hugh got chucked out for brawling along with the rest of the Commies, Fascists and Cons.”
“I thought it looked a little empty.” Jim said.
“Yeah they’ve culled the nutters. Anyway, Anna was here too but she took the Poll pretty hard.” Arthur glanced about looking for her and, to his surprise, spotted her comforting some poor lad in an orange top who appeared to be bawling uncontrollably. “Ah. Poor Dems.”
“Christ.” Jim muttered under his breath and Arthur turned back to find him staring, fixated at the TV screen where the exit poll was still plastered across the bottom of the screen.
“Four hundred and two?”
“Nevermind that,” Simon cut in, “CPP on 50? They’ve never had less than 200 before.”
“That’s what you get for invading Turkey and deciding that you’d better help the psychopath dictator rather than the rebels.” Jim nodded in agreement. “It's that that fucked them, and the asylum issue, and the economy.”
“It's weird.” Said Arthur. “I’m amazed we didn’t see it coming.”
Back on the EBC, Brooker had finished savaging his guest, who rapidly scuttled out of sight. Turning to the camera, the presenter attempted a smile.“Well, tonight’s a good night for hippies and fascists it seems, thanks for the scoop Louis but we’re about to have our first results in. I believe tonight it’s the Polish Prime Minister announcing their results, now remember Poland has been assigned 50 Council Ministers in the next parliament so we’ve got fifty seats in play, 5% of the whole shebang.”
“He really is a weird choice to replace good ol’ Dave.” Simon said.
The camera cut to a large, marble wall in front of what the caption told them to be the Sejm, the Polish Parliament. Swarming around a central podium, at which stood the Polish PM, journalists and activists had gathered in anticipation. With the exit poll as earth shattering as it had been the camera operators and journos were both flying around at breakneck pace, shoving microphones towards anyone who could talk and taking about 4 million photos a minute. Clearing her throat and holding a large piece of paper out in front of her, the Prime Minister began.
“Za zgodą szefa policji, mogę to potwierdzić…” she started before a EBC dub kicked in and drowned her out.
“With permission from the Chief Counting Officer and with all the ballots cast, I can report that Poland’s votes are as follows:
European Democrats: 11,981
Independents and Unaffiliated: 19,413
Left-Ecologists: 21,656
Marxist Solidarity Front: 93,012
Co-Operative Party: 331,067
Christian People’s Party: 124,899
Confederal Party: 3,131,401
Vigilant Alliance: 5,404,201
50 Council Members will be distributed as follows:
1 to the Marxist Solidarity Front, 2 to the Cooperative Party, 1 to the Christian People’s Party, 17 to the Confederal Party and 30 to the Vigilant Alliance.”
The Warsaw broke into a cacophony of noise as Vigilant supporters cheered their victory. Poland was one of their heartlands, always had been but nevertheless, the VA had never won anything close to a majority here and that 27 out of 50 looked like a big win.
“Well, that is something.” Brooker chimed in. “Not something very good mind you, or at least not something very good for immigrants. If we look to the big stick in front of me – and for once I’m saying that to someone other than your mum – we can see the swingometer is showing a massive 30% swing from the Coalition towards the Vigilant which is quite a lot indeed. We can also see an 11% swing from the Democrats to the Cooperatives and Christ, if these pan out then the exit poll would be spot on. Big, big changes happening here tonight. That’s absolutely crushing for the Dems, whilst they’ve never done awfully well in Poland I don’t think they’ve done worse than the independents well, ever.”
“I can’t believe it.” Arthur muttered under his breath.
“Me neither,” Simon agreed, “but on the plus side, that’s the best we’ve ever done in Poland. Has there ever been a Polish Co-Op CM?”
Arthur shook his head. “No, small mercies I suppose. You think it’ll all keep up like this?”
Before Simon could answer, Jim slammed a pint in front of each of them.
“Chug this, now.” Glancing at each other the two other students blinked, shrugged and chugged back their ale.
“See, nothing like a bit of Gold to dull the pain. I wonder who they’ll have on to talk about this one.
As if in answer, Louis Theroux popped up on screen and shakily declared; “My next guest is a newly reelected Polish Council Minister and Leader of the Polish Vanguard in Parliament, welcome Mr Korwin-Mikke.”
Louis turned to a screen on his right where the beaming face of Janusk Korwin-Mikke stood imposingly in the middle of a hectic office, the Polish Flag and a banner featuring the rampant bull of the VA served as his backdrop.
“Hello Lewis,” he practically shouted, moustache twitching with excitement and thick Polish accent smotheringly the words. “I am so so glad to be talking with you.”
“I bet you are,” Louis responded with a forced smile. “So according to our exit poll its going to be a very good night for you indeed! It looks like in Poland alone you’ve already got nearly as many seats as you won last time.” Swapping the smile out for a frown, he continued;”Why do you think it is that voters would turn to what some call an extremist party? You yourself have been accused of sexism, homophobia and even racism at times.”
The Pole chuckled and rubbed his balding head. “Come now Lewis, come now! People are clearly done with the globalist, mainstream politicians and their cronies and who can blame them? We’ve been forced into an disaster war in Turkey, we have suffered a great much under silly, silly economic ideas and the message that just isn’t getting through to Zurich is that we have had enough! Europe means Europe, their silly plans of expansion to other places are making a lot of people very angry, we have more than enough problems already.”
“Yes,” Louis nodded, “You’ve talked about a lot of these problems before. If I may, I’ve got a list of them right here, do you mind if I ask you about some of them?”
“I would be much obliged!”
“So last year on the election of Chairman Nemtsov, you said – and I quote: ‘We had better invade the Baltic already, there’s no way a man like Nemtsov would fight back,”
“Well I, of course, didn’t actually-“
“I’m sorry Mr Korwin-Mikke, but I hadn’t finished. You then called Mr Nemtsov a slang, rather impolite word for a Jewish person and then said “Semites haven’t got the fire to fight like men”, now whats that all about? Almost a fifth of Poland’s population is Jewish, how do you think they feel knowing that they’ve got a man like you as their chief representative in Europe?”
“Bloody hell, did he really say that?” Simon asked and Arthur nodded, “I saw it live. Right in the Council chamber.”
Back on EBC, Korwin-Mikke was trying his damnedest to be both loyal to the principles of his party and certainly not a bigot. He wasn’t doing very well and his intermittent chuckles were becoming ever more frequent.
“Listen, Lewis!” The Pole was getting agitated now and his once boisterous moustache now drooped forebodingly, “The people of my country and of this continent have had quite enough of your-“
“I’m sorry Mr Korwin-Mikke but I’m going to have to cut you short as I’m being told we have the Hungarian Results coming in and we’ll go to that count now.”
This time, EBC had actually got the dub going on time. The Hungarian setting was a lot more sparse, some odd back room with only a few permitted state journalists and of course the EBC crew present. Some unimportant Hungarian Civil Servant was announcing the results.
“It is my great honour to announce the results of the Hungarian vote for our representatives are as follows. The total number of votes is five million, nine-hundred and sixty eight thousand and sixty one and the results are as follows: Independents and Unaffiliated parties, 3,871; European Democrats 20,145; Left-Ecologist Alliannce, 21,656; Marxist-Soldiarity Front, 89,653; Christian People’s Party, 156,432;”
Arthur frowned, “That’s barely any votes at all.”
“Cooperative Party, 931,067 and the winners of the largest numbers of Hungarian votes are the Vigilant Alliance with 4,706,292. The Council Ministers will be distributed as follows…”
Unlike the chaos from the exit poll, the general reaction to the announcement was stunned silence and a general sense of disbelief. Despite everything, the exit poll was right. Arthur was sure that the ‘Jobbik’ government of Hungary, themselves a key part of the VA, had been involved.
“No way anyone gets that high a percentage of the vote without cheating, not in a federal vote.” he said and Jim shrugged, “I don’t know, if they were going to do it anywhere it was here. Jobbik got a majority in their last national election and hell I think the VA got at least 50% last time.”
Numbers popped up on screen, showing off just how many seats each party received.
Vigilant: 32
CoOp: 6
Confederal: 1
Marxist-Solidarity: 1
Shaking his head, Simon slumped off his stool and, lolloping his way over to the bar, span at the last minute and pointed in an accusatory manner at both Artie and Jim. “Lads. Once Finland comes in,” he paused, allowing the suspense to build; “kebabs.”
Finland hadn’t been good either, not a Poland or a Hungary but still not good. Fishing his PDA out of his breast pocket, he stumbled slightly in the kebab queue. Jim and Si having an intense argument about the merits of various factions of the Cooperative Party and Arthur tapped on the EBC News icon, the runtime (or “runt”) booted up and, as if reading his mind, a rolling total popped up in front of him, graphics and all. With four countries down there were 115 seats declared: 70 were in stark, Vigilant black. If that continued it wouldn’t just be a Vigilant majority, it’d be a bloody landslide. Of the remaining 45 seats, the largest contingent was Cooperative, so that at least they had going for them.
The queue had died down and Artie shuffled to the front. The kebab van had a banner on the side, as many did these days, of a Turkish flag with a large black cross through it next to an Oceanian Flag and what Arthur thought was one from Ceylon. Underneath them were the words "I AM NOT TURKISH, I AM CEYLONESE, I AM OCEANIAN." The refugees had come to Britain before the European intervention and their numbers had doubled after, only now they were victim to all the hate and rage of a people at war. Some people just couldn't see the difference between the Turks Europe were fighting and the Turks Europe were trying to save. Anyone that even looked like the enemy wasn't safe from acid attacks, bricks or worse. Arthur winced at the thought, hoping the violence wasn't an omen of the night to come.
“I’ll haaaaave cheesy chip! Chips! And some Curry Keba-“
In front of him, the PDA jingled and a new result buzzed up. Eyes going wide, he clicked it and-“
“BOYS!” he shouted, spinning on a heel and very nearly face planting in the process.
“WE MISSED CH-ZENCOZLAKANIA!”
“What?”
“Czemclosovakia.” He repeated confidently and, jabbing awkwardly at the runt on his phone, loaded up the new results.
Filling up with charming little Logos with convenient numbering, 21 purple wolves popped up, 12 bulls, 9 bears, 5 lions and one each of the adorable little bees and doves. The CPP's Eagles were notably absent but the EBC runt helpfully informed him that in some countries, Czechoslovakia included, the CPP and Confederals didn't run against each other and instead just one party would carry the torch.
“We won!” Arthur cheered, grabbing a paper bag of takeaway he hoped was his and slamming a €5 note onto the table.
“Wheeeeeeeey!”
“But the Fascists did good.”
Jim scowled. “Boooo!”
“But the Commies did good too.
Simon looked puzzled. “Which Commies? Hippie Commies or Angry Commies?”
“Angry Commies.”
His face scrunched up. “Also booo!”
The trio found a relatively comfortable portion of pavement to sit on and crowded around Arthur’s PDA, staring intently at the tiny screen and shoving fistfuls of chips into their mouths.
“But surely,” Charlie Brooker was saying, “Someone must have seen this coming. How did the polls get this one so wrong?”
“Well Charlie,” the civil-servant interviewee - who seemed oddly calm - replied, “A lot of the mainstream parties supported the intervention in Turkey and we all know how that’s turning out.”
The deathcount had hit 3,000 in May with no progress to show.
“What we’re seeing is that the parties that are making gains all voted against the war. If you look at the votes in Hungary and Finland in particular, there are massive swings towards the three socialist parties and of course the Vigilant, all of whom opposed the intervention.”
“Alright,” Brooker allowed, “But why are the VA receiving such a big portion of this anti-war swing vote.”
“Well, in my mind it comes down to three factors. First, the VA have a leader and an anti-immigration, anti-refugee message that has been picking up steam for some time now. Second, most defecting voters were right wing and so will vote Vigilant even before the comparatively more moderate Cooperatives. Finally, it's worth taking the results we’ve seen so far in context. Eastern and Southern Europe are where the Vigilant do best and the centre do worst, as we start seeing northern and western European results come in I’d imagine things will change, Czechoslovakia is a good example of this already.”
Brooker seemed genuinely relieved. “Well if things keep on the way they are and the exit poll is right, what happens next?”
“What we’d expect to see next is the process of coalition forming which can take anywhere from two days to two months, the current Minister-President has the right to seek a coalition first but frankly, given these results, I just can’t imagine Mrs Merkel being a part of any incoming government, except perhaps in a junior role. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t expect anyone to hop into bed with the Vigilant but based on what the British Prime Minister said just a few hours ago and on what we’re hearing from the Confederal head office, it looks like we might see a VA-Con coalition.”
“Bastards,” Jim muttered, “Utter bastards. I hate Fillon and the rest of those traitors”.
Brooker, who increasingly looked like a child being told a scary story before bed, leaned in further. “And what could we expect.”
“We’d likely see a few Vigilant policies enforced straight away. Larger military budget, immediate withdrawal from Turkey, the expulsion of migrants and asylum seekers and probably a roll back of Gay marriage.”
“Oh OK. It’s a literal nightmare then.” Brooker commented, his impartiality slipping more than a little.
“Perhaps, on the international scene we’d see an end to the détente with the USSR, an end to the Alliance with Oceania and almost certainly closer relations with Washington and President Foster.”
“What about the suggestions of compulsory national service?”
“Well, there would certainly be some resistence to that from members of the Confederal Party but I can see many voting for it, in fact-“
Arthur switched it off. “I can’t handle it, lads, I need a break.”
Jim’s head rested limply in his hands. “We’re actually going to die. We’re going to be killed by some poor bastard farmer because we’ll be fighting an American war in Rhodesia or Colombia or something.”
Arthur patted him lightly on the back. “There there mate, night’s not over yet and hey, we can always defect. Right Si?”
Simon’s response, which was muffled by kebab, sounded something like “YUMPF!” which Artie took to be agreement.
Clicking the PDA on again he stared at the seat count:
Magdalen College, Oxford 12.08 PM
About an hour later, a time period which had been little more than a blur of kebab and running, Arthur found himself in Jim’s room, slumped awkwardly (and quite uncomfortably) into a bean bag, staring, bleary eyed, at a flip-up calculator [1] streaming EBC 1. Somehow, in the commotion, they had missed the Scandinavian declarations but if Artie remembered correctly they did the cop out thing like the Germans where they all announced at once. The Scandis, god bless their cold but kindly hearts, were always loyal cooperatives and the votes of his northern brethren seemed to have struck true.
“...even for one of Europe's left wing heartlands, this is a fantastic result for the Cooperatives and their allies." Huw Edwards explained and Arthur's heart skipped a beat. "What we're seeing is, in fact, better both for the Cooperatives and the centrist parties than the exit poll had predicted. Indeed, could this be the where the tide turns for the Vigilant? It's worth pointing out that we still haven't hit the traditional VA hotspots of Spain and Italy so I'd keep an eye out for southern Europe yet. But we with those three rapid declarations from Norway, Denmark and Sweden, I can now add the Scandinavian results to the map below me.”
The northern peninsula glowed for a moment and then one by one the Scandinavian Kingdoms all shone bright purple.
"Get in!" Arthur whispered to himself, grinning despite the more than a little woozy head.
“So the result now is three countries to the Vigilant and four to the Cooperative Party. Whats interesting is that, five years ago, all but two of these countries had very different results indeed. Whilst Hungary is a vigilant stronghold and Sweden has been Cooperative since the 60s, the other five were all either Christian Party holds or DEM gains. What this means? Who knows but that's it from me for now.”
“See lads,” Arthur groaned, rolling inelegantly to a more upright position, “Told you it’d get better. #CoopFightback.”
“You suuuuuuush!” Simon wailed, “It doesn’t make a difference we’re all still gonna die, Jim said so!”
“Jim’s an idiot. Aren’t you Jim?” A snore came in reply.
As the camera snapped back to the main desk, Charlie Brooker looked just about as tired as Jim was and, for more reasons than one, seemed to utterly regret taking this job.
“Well, we’ve got about 20 minutes before the Germanosphere results pour in so I’ll be talking to Steven Turnbull, Oceanian ambassador to the European Federation, thanks for being here Mr Turnbull.”
“Please, call me Steve.” The grinning Ambassador replied.
Oceania was the great counterweight to Europe, the two federations had formed at about the same time in the 50s and 60s and the two mega-nations had been reliant on one another since.
“Alright Steve, how are you tonight?” “Well Charlie, I can’t say I’m not a little surprised by how things are turning out.”
“I think we’re all in the same boat there. So what’s Oceania’s response to tonight's vote?”
“Well, first of all, I’d like to say as everyone else has, the night isn’t over and we just don’t know who’s going to be MP yet! Oceania and all her associated states will, of course, pursue a positive and friendly relation with whoever is sitting in the Elysian Palace - the European Alliance is extremely important to us.”
"You had quite an exciting election yourselves just a few months ago, with the Liberal Party returning to power after 10-"
"11."
"Yes, thank you, 11 years out of office. Bringing with them your first Premier of Chinese descent since the great LKY."
"It certainly was and whilst I am a purely apolitical commentator myself, the election was certainly one to watch. The death of Mr Lee Kwan Yew just last year was a tragedy and a landmark for the country. Singapore has been the capital of the Union since its founding and the fact that we once again have a Singaporean Prime Minister as we approach our 50th anniversary is, I think, rather fitting. It's a new age for both our countries."
"Yes," Brooker nodded, "Premier Khor has been putting a lot of emphasis on this 'New Age', I only hope it's better than the one we live in now. I have to ask, what if it is the Vigilant taking the Palace? The party have made it very clear that they see both the Oceanian and Canadian Alliances as a waste of time and money.”
The Ambassadors jaw tightened for a moment. “It’s my opinion and the opinion of the Oceanian Government that the alliance is absolutely imperative for world security. Our two nations have so much in common, we’re the two largest democracies in the world and we’re both multi national unions - Oceania is even based on the European model. We're English speaking and a fellow parliamentary democracy. Whilst Europe might be a little larger than Oceania, I still think that everyone from Singapore to Brisbane to Sri Lanka sees a real friend in Europe and especially Britain. The Union consists almost entirely of British dominions and former European colonies. Oceania is, I think , a child of Europe and a natural ally.”
The confusing compromises made in the face of American and Soviet aggression always boggled Arthur’s mind. Republics, Monarchies, Conservatives and Socialists all banded together under the rough alliances of the European Federation and the Union of Oceania, desperate responses to the Soviet Wars – which left all of Europe south-east of Hungary under Leningrad’s thumb – and the Pacific War, which saw the resurgent USA conquer and burn its way across the ocean. They began as the Atlantic Democratic League and the Pacific Democratic League, military coalitions of previously disparate nations united in terror and their devotion to democracy. Those alliances had become councils, those councils had become unions and now those two unions had locked arms in a desperate bid for survival.
“So you’d be opposed to the end of the Alliance?”
The Australian nodded, “We’d be disappointed and no doubt worried. Whilst we understand Mrs Widdecombe feels she has a lot in common with President Foster’s regime, as a fellow democracy, we would be concerned. We’d also worry for our shared friends in Canada, their integration into the European Federation is a key way to maintain democratic influence in the western hemisphere and shore up Canadian defence. Of course,” the Ambassador held up his hands in mock surrender, “we’ll be happy and enthusiastic to work with whoever wins."
"The Vigilant leadership has said some disparaging things about your country ambassador. Calling your people 'Half-casts, heathens and layabouts' - that's a quote from the leader of the French section of the VA and suggesting that 'The decadent, dependent colonies of the past must plot their own course away from Europa who can now blossom into a proud, new future' - that one from Mrs Widdicombe herself." Brooker put down the piece of paper and stared Turnbull in the eye. "Surely these worry you?"
Turnbull shuffled awkwardly in his seat, his mouth drawn into a thin line. "Oceania has no dog in this race. Whilst I can't say I'm awfully pleased about those comments, we're sure that a productive relationship can and will continue.”
“Bollocks.” Arthur muttered.
“Thanks Steve, I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for as I’m hearing that the Germanosphere results have all come in at once and so we’re going over to Vienna where-”
[1] Calculator simply means computers ITTL and accordingly a "Flipup Calculator" or just FC is a laptop.
Still trapped in the warm confines of a dormitory bean bag, Arthur's phone buzzed.
♫ Thiiiiiings, can only get, beeeeeeeteeeeeer... ♫
Fumbling briefly for a second Arthur accepted the call.
“Hullo.”
“Artie, where are you?” an Aussie accent said, nearly shouted to be heard over the hubbub of the background. “You said come meet you at the Union bar? At Quarter to Two?”
“OHYEAHBERIGHTTHERE!” he hung up and, spinning to grab Jim and kicking Simon towards the door.
“Guys I left my girlfriend at the Union, if we run we can get there before Germany!”
Sprinting down the street and grateful that the rain had stopped, he three men raced Charlie Brooker and the rest of the EBC.
When they finally arrived, the bar was just as buzzing as it had been when they left, more in fact as the battered and bruised Left-Ecologist supporters had been allowed back in – Arthur was sure that the bouncers doubling in number was a total coincidence. Interestingly, the Blackshirts hadn’t made a return, probably slinking off to their own, far more exclusive celebration. By now, however, it looked like their celebration just might be a little premature. As he stumbled back into the bar, Arthur whipped his head left and right and spotted his beleaguered beau wrapped up in conversation with Mike, who was now sporting a nasty black eye.
“-listen I agree that inequality is a major issue,” Marie said, “but I’m an ecologist first and left second. It doesn’t matter how equal people are if they’ve all drowned.”
Mike shook his head, “You’ve got to understand that a truly sustainable society can’t be built until – Oh, Artie!” he waved the three men over. “How’re we doing boys?” he said, smiling through slightly bloody teeth.
“Oh we’s doin’ double plus good.” Arthur slurred and Jim nodded profusely.
“Yeah we’re not just a here-“ he held out five fingers, “we’re here!” he held out ten.
Marie laughed and grabbed her cheeks in mock exasperation, “Oh my god, how much have you had?”
“Nine.”
“Nine what?”
“Nine and a half!” Jim clarified and Simon nodded his consent.
“Christ well you lot just sit down, I’ll get you some ginger beer.” she turned towards the bar.
“Get Coke!”
“We don’t get Coke any more, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” The anti-American boycott was Federation wide and sent a clear, decisive message; you invade Tswanaland, we stop drinking Coke.
“Have the Germanies come in yet?”
“No, but they’re just about to. In fact-“ Marie pointed to the screen where outside some dreary building in Vienna a huddled procession of dour politicians were whipped by the rain. God knows why they had decided to make their accouchement from outside the heated City Hall.
Oddly, the Austrian announcer had decided to make his speech in English, which made life a hell of a lot easier for the observers in Oxford.
“I am able to announce,” a man who looked older than the ancient city that surrounded him, “zat vit the permission of both the Austrian and Bavarian returning officer I am able to accounce the results for the Southern German states as thus.” The Bavarian secession of 1980 had been more than a minor crisis across Europe but as both Bavaria and rump Germany were contained within the Federation, it had quickly blown over. The subsequent bond that developed between Bavaria and Austria was one of the quirks of the Federation, there are even talks of the two states merging into “South Germany.”
“For Bavaria;” A cheer went up from the more northern observers surrounding the announcement. “The Marxist-Solidarity Front received one thousand, two hundred and five votes.”
“Wow,” Marie noted, “That’s the smallest result I’ve ever seen for a major party.
The European Democrats received eleven thousand, nine hundred and eighty one. Independents nineteen thousand, four hundred and thirteen. The Left-Ecologists nineteen thousand, five hundred and sixty four. The Christian People’s Party,” the man paused, it was odd for them to be this low on the list. “two hundred and thirteen thousand, four hundred and twenty five.”
“Ouch.”
“The Cooperative Party, one million, two hundred thousand, seven hundred and eighty three. The Vigilant Alliance two million, eight hundred and eighteen thousand, six hundred and fifty two and the Confederal Party four million, sixty two thousand, three hundred and seventy eight. I will now begin the count for Austria-“
Both at the count and in the Oxford bar, people broke into a series of hushed discussions. Usually that would be a shocking result but tonight it was par for the course.
“That’s a damn good result for the Connies.” Arthur remarked and the group nodded,
“Yeah and a bloody terrible one for us,” Mike muttered, “I mean less than the independents? Come on!”
Simon shrugged, “This is proper Christian heatland, if they can’t win here then they can’t win anywhere. Except maybe Germany proper.”
As if hearing the name of Europe’s second largest economy, the TV screen cut immediately back to Brooker who, startled, spat out the words, “Oh and I’m dreadfully sorry to interrupt that broadcast but the German and Swiss results have come in rather unexpectedly early.”
Arthur barked a laugh, the Berlin-Geneva and Munich-Vienna rivalry amongst the “Germanies” (of which Switzerland was only partially a true member) meant that they were always rushing to get the results out and, if given the opportunity, happy to interrupt their opposite number.
In Germany, the Minister-President herself was announcing the results; always a proud German as well as a proud European. As Angela Merkel stood there, stoic as ever, one could not have guessed that the night had witnessed the utter collapse of her party, the decimation of her political values of moderation and centricism, the death of her dream of “Middle Europa” that sailed between the political extremes of Leningrad, Washington and Tokyo.
Merkel too opted for English, perhaps hoping that more citizens of the Federation would understand her directly. “The results, for Germany and Switzerland, shall be as follows. I will announce the Council Ministers first and the votes second. The Confederal Party receives zero seats,” the word zero shot forth from her mouth with a smirk, whilst they barely contested in Germany and Switzerland at all, the embarrassment that was Austria and probably Bavaria meant that even small victories were immensely satisfying. “The European Democrats receive eleven, the Marxist-Socialist Front also receive eleven. The Left-Ecologists receive twelve, the Vigilant Alliance twenty two, the Christian People’s party,” she paused and again seemed to smile, “thirty five and the Cooperative Party 50.”
Placing the piece of paper down firmly, she stared straight into the camera and whilst Arthur should have been commenting on the solid Christian result or fantastic Cooperative showing, he found himself – along with the rest of the room – hooked on the Minister-President’s speech.
“I have led this Union for nearly fifteen years now. I have tried to guide it in a manner I thought responsible and with a character I thought appropriate. I love my Germany and I love my Europa. What we achieve here is a testament to liberty, cooperation and democracy the likes of which the world has never seen. Tonight, my vision has been rejected. Perhaps it has had its time in the sun, perhaps it was mishandled – certainly there were a great many mistakes. Two visions, however, have emerged to replace it; one of division and, I believe, of hatred. Another of cooperation, of hope and dignity. I do not and I never have shared or believed in the tenants of socialism, social democracy or large government. I do however believe in democracy, in the rights of individuals and in Europe’s place in the world. There can be no question that liberty, equality and democracy must always be our guiding values and always be at the core of our focus. It is for this reason that I am announcing my official resignation as Minister-President of the European Federation and, as leader of the Christian People’s Party, pledging my full support for the Cooperative party. Thank you all, may god bless you, your families and the Federation. In varitaete,” she intoned, “concordium.” The Word was final and absolute, confident and bold. As an era came to an end, brightly coloured letters lit up beneath her.
The Bells were chiming two thirty and all the chat still revolved around Frau Merkel and her unexpected resignation. Most thought she’d hang on for a few more years at least, maybe make it to 2024, even if 20 years would be the longest Presidency Europe had even seen, she’d already walked across that line years ago.
“She’ll go down in history though,” Simon noted, “One of the greats.”
“She’s no Mitterrand though!” Arthur shot back, the only ever Cooperative MP was still a source of massive pride to the party and its supporters, “And he only had 11 years, not 15.”
“At the very least, she was better than Pimentel.” The economists in the group groaned, the CPP’s first (and likely last) Portuguese leader was almost singlehandedly responsible for the ‘Lost Decade’ that were the 1980s, although he had handed the Elysian Palace to Mitterrand on a golden platter.
“You’d be better than Pimentel, along with anyone else in Europe.”
“I’d like her,” Marie chipped in, her accent blended primarily Cantonese pronunciations with a little bit of Indian inflexion and a thick Australian twang – typical for someone growing up in the Oceanic capital, “if she hadn’t gone with the Confederals last time. She had every ability to form a coalition with the Democrats but she knew they were opposed to Turkish intervention so women's rights and economic moderation go out the window.”
“You know-“ Simon wittered on about the specifics of coalition building and the rest of the circle fell into discussions of political minutia. Arthur's mind was still a little sloshed for this level of debate and so he found himself looking back up to the screen that had started the night, where Brooker was starting to look really worse for wear, even his guest had noticed.
“Starting to nod off on me Charles?” Jacob Rees-Mogg asked, smiling. “I know I get a bit carried away on constitutional complexities sometimes but I didn’t think I was quite so dull as that.”
“Apologies Jacob,” Brooker seemed to be on a first name basis with an awful lot of people, “It’s been quite the night and I am new at this.”
“Not at all, you’re doing quite the job. I believe we were talking about the future of the Confederal party?”
“Yes yes, do go on.”
“Well Charles, the problem with the Confederal party is that the reason we so wisely spun ourselves off from the Christian People’s Party – which is might I say an unfair appropriation of the Christian nom de plum – is because of our Euroscepticism, an ideology that has gone so cruelly ignored.”
“I’m sorry but it has been a long night, Euro-what?”
“Euroscepticism, the idea that the European Federation might not actually be good for Britain or any of its constituent nations, in fact.”
Dumbstruck, Brooker gawped at the man. “You can’t actually be suggesting that we should leave Europe? That’d be ridiculous, the economic effects alone-“
Rees-Mogg held up a hand to calm and silence the presenter. “Of course not Charles. What I merely suggest is that, as the Federation has always been “One County of Many Nations”, we might look more to each one of those nations. Allow them more control over their own tax rates, put the military of each nation under their own control instead of European High Command, allow them to arrange their own trade deals and so forth. Move from a centralised European Federation to a looser arrangement, a European Union if you will.”
“Well, I suppose the idea isn’t completely impractical but do you really think there is a desire for this?”
“I suspect so but I think we shall have to see, the problem is that constitutional arrangements have never been put to the vote of the people directly and there has been a cross party consensus for far too long.”
“Well I disagree Jacob,” came the thick Italian tones of the other guest who until now had gone largely ignored. “I think that what we’re seeing is an utter failure of the moderate right and their old supporters desperately looking elsewhere.” Matteo Renzi smiled and ran a hand through his hair, the Parliamentary Leader of the Italian Cooperatives had spent the past two months harried by the media for his party’s grim showings in Italian polls, the sudden success of the movement seemed to give him new life. “We Cooperatives and our friends in the Left-Ecologists have been talking for months of the need for peace, for economic reform and for social justice. The failure of the current government to deliver this is the true cause of any decline!”
“Thank you Jacob, I believe you have an arrangement at Confederal HQ. Mr Renzi, your insight on these changes is very welcome but the main reason we brought you on here is to discuss the entrance of Italy into the Federation and its liberalisation.
“Ah yes,” Renzi forced a grin, “A… difficult subject I’m sure you can understand.”
“Of course and yet likely very important to the events of this evening. Italy was one of the first Federation members alongside France, Britain and Belgium so why is it that Italy was the union’s only non-democracy at the time.”
“It is worth remembering that the Federation did not come about until 1959, a whole decade after the Italian thaw. When Europe untied it was as the Atlantic Democratic League, an anti-communist military alliance, nothing more. It is only from our shared experiences with the wars that allowed the federation to bloom.”
“-and yet that doesn’t explain why Italy had a less democratic beginning as a part of Europe than-“
“Charlie, Charlie please! The Mussolini regime was always on borrowed time, whatever artificial popularity Il Ducewas able to create was clearly not backed by electoral support. When the NDSAP government fell in Germany, it was only a matter of time-“
“15 years is quite a long time.”
“But it is still less than a generation, no?” Renzi retorted with a chuckle, “Italia had her problems, si, but her transition to democracy came quickly and has clearly been near complete.
“But, if I may, one of Italy’s three major parties is a Vigilant associate, indeed the National Revolutionary Party is a direct continuation of the Fascist party of Il Duce himself. If the polls are to be believed then they could easily win more than 50% of the vote in Italy tonight.”
Renzi shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “Old habits die hard, you also have to consider that the left is divided between the Greens, Socialists and Social Liberals who all have to vie for-“
Brooker put his hand to his ear and broke in; “I’m sorry mister Renzi but whilst we’ve been talking the results for the Benelux have just come in have just come in and they are as follows:”
“Guys!” Arthur barked, and the group’s heads turned in sync, abandoning their political debates to fix their eyes on the screen.
“Good results for the Cooperatives and the Democrats it looks like,” Brooker intoned as Arthur and friends cheered, “We’re seeing them as the largest parties with 27 Cooperative wins and 16 for the Democrats. That’s followed by 12 for the Christian People’s Party, 8 each for the Left-Ecologists and Vigiliant and only 3 for the Marxists. It looks like the pendulum has swung and now the Cooperative party have taken the lead and will have the first opportunity to form a coalition.” Despite his efforts to hide it, Brooker was smiling.
“We’re going to do it guys,” Arthur said, “We’ve got Italy and Spain left which will be good for the VA, Portugal and Ireland next which will give us some wins and some for the moderates and at that point we should be pretty even going into-“
Arthur paused for a moment.
“What’s wrong?”
“Britain, it’s all going to come down to Britain.”
“Oh sod,” James nearly shouted, “We always make the wrong bloody decision.”
The Oxford Union 2.57 AM
Simon and James had fallen asleep and their heads slumped together on the table in the bar. Arthur and his friends were some of the last remaining patrons, most senisble people having scuttled off home hours ago. At this point though, they were in too deep. The closeness of the race and the tension of the night had him wired; they were here till the end.
Theroux, who had been absent for a few hours; possibly given the enviable mercy of a power nap, reappeared, surprisingly content looking and sporting a brand new tie.
"Good morning everyone it is currently 3 am GMT and for those of you who have stuck with us so far we’ve got a little treat in store. It was of course the 50th anniversary of the founding of the European Federation just two months ago and EBC has been assembling a little documentary to mark the occasion. Whilst not set to air in full for another week or so we’ve arranged a little preview in the wait for the Mediterranean Results. So with Charles Dance presenting, here are the first five minutes of Unity."
The screen faded to black amidst drunk but polite applause before a black and white explosion, accompanied by Beethoven’s 9th played into grainy footage of the First Soviet War.
“Europe was beset, Europe was in crisis.” Another explosion. “In 1951 the League of Nations, once a world-spanning international council was reduced to little more than a grouping of ever more isolated European countries, their Empires showing signs of crumbling."
Machine-gun fire could be heard as men in stahlhelms lept from trenches.
"For nearly two years, the German and Polish Republics had been engaged in a life or death struggled with the overwhelming power of the Soviet Union. Their forces crumbling, their Lithuanian allies fallen and the Red Army a mere 9 miles east of Warsaw, all seemed lost. It was in this moment of darkness and division that the European dream sprung to life."
A large group of men, clad in neat suits were seen shaking hands and smiling outside Buckingham Palace.
"At a conference held in London, the mighty Empires of the United Kingdom, France and Italy all agreed to join the war effort and defend European Democracy from the communist threat.
The footage cut to a snowy trench where soldiers in British, Polish and German uniform were sharing cigarettes, playing football and swapping photographs. Each man sported a patch with the distinctive ring of stars that made up the European flag.
“The Atlantic and European Democratic League was, at that time, the largest and most powerful alliance formed in human history. With the 2 million Polish and German troops that had been fighting suddenly bolstered by a further four million allies from the west the tide of the war turned almost immediately and the desperate Soviet Union was pushed back, mile by mile."
"In a similar trench, the flags of the French and German republics, held by smiling commanders shaking hands, were exchanged as gifts of friendship.
"It is incredible that not even two decades after the Rheinland War and the ousting of the NatSoc regime, French and German soldiers met again not as foes but friends devoted now to the most just of causes. These were often the same men or the sons of those that struggled against one another in 1936, whose nations had engaged in war after war. With Hitler's gamble failing, his government was swept from power and Otto Wells, the new President of Germany, devoted Germany to becoming a purely defensive power. Whilst his reduction of the size of the German military remains controversial and perhaps allowed the Soviets some of their early successes it is through this devotion to peace and security that Wells laid the groundwork for cooperation."
Urban fighting is shown as an assortment of French and German troops run through the streets of Bucharest, covered by a British machine gunner.
"Desperate and growing increasingly paranoid, Stalin and the leadership of the USSR struck out at southern and northern Europe, dragging Finland and Romania into the war."
A parade in the red square, miles and miles of men and tanks, moved slowly past the steely eyes of Josef Stalin.
"Stalin’s 1952 declaration that he would achieve “Communism on one Continent” was meant to frighten and bully the neutral countries of Europe into submission, to break their spirits and send them scuttling into the shadows."
The camera cut to a large group of soldiers with mismatching helmets, uniforms and weaponry, raising a European flag.
“It did the opposite. With a bravery unknown to the world before or since, the smaller countries of Europe devoted themselves to the League and many would pay the Price. Not only did Europe suffer nearly ten million military and civilian casualties during the seven-year struggle-“ Arthur noted that the nearly 25 million dead soviets were left off the list, “but many members of the alliance fell to Soviet control. Romania, Bulgaria and Greece all fell into the Soviet sphere as the fighting ground to a halt in 1955, Europe had been irrevocably bound together. The European Commonwealth was formed as an economic and political Union soon after and, within 15 years, that union had grown into the federation we know today.”
The screen cut immediately to a waving European flag, Ode to Joy playing faintly on the piano and as the face of Europe’s many Minister-Presidents flashed up and then faded one by one; Ullsten, Steger, Pimentel, Mitterand, Kalousek and finally Merkel. As they vanished from the screen and only the pale blue flag remained, golden letters sparked into existence.
UNITY
Fifty Years of Europe
The camera cut back to Theroux who seemed genuinely quite moved. “Wonderful, well you can catch the rest of that on EBC 1 at 7 pm next Wednesday. For now, however, the Italian and Spanish results have come in so it's over to Victoria in our digital parliament to map out how things are going.
Cohen, smiling and still in the centre of her massive CGI room, looked a little downtrodden but nevertheless tapped at the slab in her hand and smiled at the camera. “Thanks Louis. Well just before these results came in the room looked like this.”
Flying in from the ceiling, the animal figures fell into place with two massive clumps of purple and black taking up the vast majority. Above the wolves the number 167 floated ominously, whilst 155 poised over the bulls.
“For all intents and purposes, neck and neck. Of course, coalitions are important and thanks to Minister-President Merkel’s speech and Mr Fillon committing his Council Ministers to the Vigilant we can see two coalitions emerging of roughly equal size. The “Popular Coalition” of the Cooperatives, Christians, Democrats, and Left-Ecologists would be more than a little rag tag but they all have a common enemy in the Vigilant and, if they stay together, would be the largest grouping in Parliament. Meanwhile the Confederal-Vigilant “Justice Coalition”, as Mr Fillon refered to it in his speech, would nearly match their numbers with half the amount of parties. An impressive feat no doubt, nevertheless the Popular Coalition still had the edge – until now.”
Tapping confidently at the little screen before her, Cohen stood unflinching as more animals descended to fill out the ranks. We had the Italian result 7 minutes ago and the Spanish results have literally just come in and the leave the total like this:
VA - 226
COOP - 189 CPP - 72
CON - 70 LE - 54
DEM - 53
MSF - 25
"As you can see, the Vigilant are doing nearly as well as our exit poll said whilst the Coop are doing worse and everyone else a little better. This is a very strong performance for the Vigilant and they are the largest party by a significant margin however if we look at our coalitions-"
The animals all shifted colour (bar the Red Bears in the corner) as the Wolves, Eagles, Doves and Bees transitioned to a bright pink and the Lions and Bulls faded to an incredibly dark navy.
POPULAR 368
JUSTICE 296
"The edge does go to the Cooperatives and their allies. Now, this is where things get complicated, whichever individual party wins the most seats gets the first opportunity to build a coalition and if the Vigilant remain the largest and can get enough right-leaning members of the CPP to abstain, we could see at least a temporary Justice minority government. If the Coop can take back the lead, however, everything changes.”
Arthur and his friends were all staring, mouths agape. It was sheer insanity.
“Well I know it's getting late, or rather early but stick with us because the final result is just around the corner” Charlie Brooker’s smile was more and more forced by the minute. “With me now and answering some questions on the relative success of their party is the leader of the British branch of the Marxist-Solidarity Front, Mr George Galloway and the Soviet Ambassador to the United Kingdom one Mr-,” Brooker checked his note for the name of the moustachioed Russian, “Pew-ten?”
“Putin.” He corrected, unflinching.
“Well thank you very much Mr Galloway, Mr Putin. Starting off, what do you both make of our results tonight.”
“Well”, Galloway began, “What is clear is that Capitalism and the decadence of the European Federation are reaching its breaking point. For many years now me and my comrades have been explaining that the line between the Social Fascism of the Cooperatives or Democrats and the actual Fascism of the Vigilant was but a hairs breadth wide. We see now that the people have been fully corrupted and the system fully exposed as fascists, not only capable of but enthusiastic about cooperation with reactionaries in Washington D.C., are about to win power.”
“Is that your prediction then? That the Vigilant will win.”
“Yes.” Putin replied without blinking, in fact Arthur couldn’t tell if the man had blinked at all.
“I agree with comrade Putin here, it seems inevitable that the fascists will take control of this intrinsically fascistic union. After all does it not wage a war of genocide against the noble turk? Are brave warriors of the proletariat not being slain as we speak in the streets of Ankara?”
“Do you think that the war in Turkey is racially motivated, Mr Galloway?”
“Racially and religiously, I have no doubt.”
And Mr Putin, do you share this view.”
“It is not the opinion of the Soviet Union.”
“All well and good,” Brooker added, “But is it your opinion.”
Putin finally blinked, deliberately and now staring directly at Brooker.
“It is not the opinion of the Soviet Union.”
Brooker straightened his notes and coughed awkwardly. “Well certainly your party has made some progress tonight Mr Galloway in Eastern Europe particularly and yet it doesn’t seem like you have been able to capitalise on the same discontent that the Vigilant and Cooperative have, indeed it appears that even the Left-Ecologists have had much greater success than you.”
“Well the leadership of this corrupt Federation, in their efforts to persecute and destroy the innocent people of the Popular Turkish Republic have tried to associate ourselves with the brutal terrorist attacks that have occurred in Venice and Lisbo-“
“Comrade Galloway.” The Russian interrupted, his gaze still had not wandered from the host. “I believe you are referring to the justified and proportional responses from popular liberation corps.”
Never had Arthur seen terror set in so quickly. “Uh, um comrade I apologise if I misspoke I simply-“
“As was outlined in this weeks edition of Pravda, it is the belief of the Soviet Union that oppressed peoples can only be expected to rebel against their oppressors, wouldn’t you agree?”
“…I thought that these were false-“
“Surely a man so intelligent as yourself, Comrade, would see the truth in Secretary Limonov’s statement.”
Galloway was truly panicking now, whilst unlikely to meet the same fate that one making that mistake might in Russia, his political future was certainly dead in the water.
"Well, well you see what I meant to say was of course, of course."
Brooker's mouth was drawn into a thin line and seemed glad to be able to move on.
"Thank you both for being here gentlemen but its time to go to Dublin for the Irish result."
Ireland continued her reputation as the most boring of the Federation's members as the large wooden hall chosen to announce the vote seemed full exclusively of stuffy greybeards in tweed jackets.
"The exact vote count is still in dispute, thanks to a minor recount and a technical error. This will affect less than one percent of the votes however and so I can announce the Republic of Ireland’s Council Ministers with total accuracy.”
There was a murmur at this highly irregular result but it had happened once or twice before, likely the rain had fried a voting machine or two in some town in the arse end of Donegal.
“The Irish Seats are as follows,” the announcer looked exhausted and an awful lot like his favourite side wasn't winning. “One seat to the European Democrats.” A subdued but genuine cheer went up at that, the Dems didn’t usually get anything in Ireland. “Three to the Christian People’s Party.”
“Ouch,” Mike said, “Poor showing for Fianna Fall.”
“Three to the Vigilant Alliance. Four to the Cooperative Party.”
A tiny cheer at that, small victories were still victories. “And eight to the Confederal party.”
Loyal as ever, the convient seat-count shot up onto the screen.
MSF - 28 LE - 72 COOP - 244 DEMS - 58 CPP - 79 CON - 113 VA - 264
POPULAR COALITION - 457
JUSTICE COALITION - 388
As the sound of Ireland faded away, Theroux popped back up, a coffee stain having appeared on his tie. “A strong showing for the Confederals there which gives the Justice Coalition a bit of a boost. Overall, however, with those results we actually see very little change at all, indeed Vigilant have made some minor gains but this shouldn’t change too much. I’m joined now by Vigilant Leader Mrs Widdicombe who has taken time out of her busy night to talk to me. Good evening Mrs Widdicombe.”
A picture in picture of the presumed Minister President appeared, leering threateningly out at them. Her hair and dress perfectly neat, both a dull grey and a raging bull pin on her collar, next to a union jack and the EF’s ring of stars.
“Good evening Louis and what an absolutely wonderfully good evening at that.”
“I take it spirits are high at Vigilant HQ.”
“Certainly, certainly. I feel confident in saying I have made a great many friends this evening, from multiple parties.”
“Indeed, I am to understand you have talked to Mr Fillon?”
“Oh extensively, extensively. Me and Francois spent nearly an hour outlining just what we want Justice to represent for Europe and I am confident that we have the beginnings of a deal that will please both sides, although of course negotiations are just beginning.”
“Of course, these are entirely unofficial Mrs Widdicombe, as you would have to wait for authorization from the Chairwoman of the Council to begin any major talks.”
“Absolutely unofficial although I await my conversation with Ms Rutten with great anticipation.”
“Well that is if you are the largest party at the end of the night, if the Cooperatives can beat you then it looks like we’ll be seeing that Popular Coalition after all.”
“We currently have a 20 seat lead over the Cooperative Party and at best they might gain 6 or 7 on us; if national polling is correct then Britain is going to come in well for us and poorly for them.”
“I believe you were estimated to be 10 seats behind in the UK.”
“Which is a very impressive result for us, isn’t it? In fact, that’d leave us as the largest party by 10 seats, that’s 9 more than we’d need isn’t it Louis?”
“Of course but it seems likely that you would be leading a minority government-“
“Oh well Louis,” Widdicombe interrupted, “I wouldn’t count on that at all.”
Theroux frowned. “It’s interesting to hear you say that Ms Widdicombe, do you know something we don’t?”
“Well I shouldn’t like to give anything away but shortly after my talk with Francois, I had an absolutely lovely chat with certain high ranking CPP politicians from Poland, France and Ireland, all of whom expressed their anger at Mrs Merkel’s ludicrous decision to back the Communistic left and their support for the Justice Coalition.”
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
“What would that mean? Do you imagine you have the numbers?”
“Oh, absolutely. Our internal polling suggests that Britain will be a big win for us too, we might get over the line without any Christian Party defections and I’m sure that my old friends in the British Branch of the Confederal party will have a very strong showing indeed.”
“Well, what could we expect from you, Mrs Widdicombe? What are your chief priorities?”
“Foreign affairs are the start, of course, do away with the old and irrelevant ties to the southern world and stop our ridiculous courting of the frozen north too. The War in Turkey will be brought to a close and we will fully realign ourselves in sharp opposition to Bolshevism elsewhere. Turkey is a lost cause but on our own borders, we need a firmer line. America is our true ally, as are the Rhodesians, South Africans and of course the Argies.”
“Racist dictatorship after racist dictatorship…” Marie muttered.
“And we shall need these allies, friends in the fight against communist plotting and Asiatic assault.”
“You refer to Japan?”
“In part,” she nodded, “But people aren’t calling this the Japanese Century, are they? They’re calling it the Asian one.”
Theroux’s jaw dropped a little. “So Mrs Widdicombe, are you implying that Asia is a threat.”
“I am implying that Asians are a threat.”
Arthur looked to his right where Marie sat, his eyes moved from her gritted teeth to deep brown eyes and finally to her long black hair. He wondered where she’d fit in to this brave new world.
“Mrs Widdicombe I’m afraid we’re running out of time and I’m sure no-one is more excited than you to hear the final, British result. So I wondered if we could quickly hear your thoughts on domestic policy.”
“Absolutely Louis. We’d institute a regulation and log of all internet activity and require special passes for those people of a background we deem dangerous to gain access. We would institute a national identity card system, as well as increasing police powers to verify identities within European cities. We would roll back Homosexual “marriage” and finally reform the voting system to better reflect the need for a strong, united federation.”
Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine.
“And you think you can achieve all of that?” Theroux asked.
“Well Louis,” she stared directly at the camera, teeth bared, “I’m not going to let anyone stop me.”
All around the table, glasses of alcohol were drained at breakneck speed.
“Well boys, ladies, it’s been fun. Are we running to Canada or Singapore?”
“You mean North North Dakota or Syonato?”
Marie’s head whipped around and she scowled at the use of that name, part of Tokyo’s attempt to bring Singapore into the "Co-prosperity Sphere" when they had occupied it in the late 40s and early 50s was the “Japanification” of its name. The entire period was more than a sore spot.
“Sorry,” Simon winced, “But when Pacific War Three and Atlantic War Two hit, we’re not going to bloody win are we?”
“Stiff upper lip.” Arthur said, ironically it seemed, as his own began to wobble.
Mike, meanwhile was more angry than sad. “What the fuck! Good thing the Jesus nuts are selling us out to Madam MacArthur up there or we just might have lived another five fucking minutes.”
“This is 100% a bluff.” Matie replied – face stoney, “I know those branches are more out there than most but it just won’t happen.” She held up three fingers. “First, their bases are pretty moderate as all the extremists went over to the Connies or the VA. Second, the right within the party are all committed to the war and Widdicombe would end it. Third, there’s no way they’d vote for her tax plan and that’ll probably be her number one priority.”
Arthur forced a smile. “You sound pretty sure, I hope you’re right. If you are we just might have a chance.”
Steely eyes met his and she replied, unwavering, “I am.”
“We’re going to win.” Marie slammed her fist down on the table. “Our alliance is miles ahead now and there’s no way in hell they’ll actually beat us in Britain.”
“They don’t need to beat us,” Mike was shaking his head, “They just need to stay ahead of us.”
“Marie’s right,” Arthur toned in, “Popular are going to get a majority and honestly if we can’t get 20 seats more than them in Britain do we even deserve to win?”
“Can you actually hear yourself? Of course we bloody deserve to win. And stop throwing around that “Popular” thing like it means anything – I wouldn’t be comfortable being in coalition with the Democrats, nevermind the bloody CPP. We’ve been fighting them since the Union started and now we’re all buddy-buddy?”
James and Simon nodded. “Not to mention,” the former said, “that I’m not convinced the CPP will stick with us in the long run -
“They will.” Arthur butted in, pointing his finger accusingly at no one in particular, “They believe in democracy, they’re committed to the League of Nations and if we’re being cynical then they’re under massive threat as a political union from the Connies and the VA. The Vigilant can steal a lot of their bible bumping thunder and if the Confederals are the best hope for the-“ he made quotation marks with his fingers “’Moderate’ right then the CPP will be destroyed. They have to stay relevant.”
“This has happened before you know!” Simon piped up, “We were so close to victory in twenty-oh-four, my dad was a CM you know.”
“We do know because you never shut up about it.”
“Yes but my point is that the system doesn’t always work right, sometimes you get to be the biggest party and get left out in the cold because you don’t have enough friends to stick with you in the long run. Do we really feel like we have enough friends right now?”
They all looked glum for a minute.
“We’re British and we’re socialists,” Marie said, “We’ve never had enough friends.”
They were all so exhausted now, most had been up for 24 hours – having woken at 4 or 5 to get in some early morning campaigning before people got to work. That, combined with a full day of enthusiastic leaftlet distribution and the often taxing conversations with voters, had left them all drained. That wasn’t even mentioning As their grumbling continued, Charlie Brooker had finally made it back on screen – apparently only to disappear again.
“It’s just struck six which means the British results are fast approaching, before that, however, we’ll take a quick spin around our map and digital parliament, that we’ve been neglecting for far too long now, first it’s over to Huw.”
Huw Edwards, who had been conspicuously absent for a good three or four hours now, seemed to have power napped his way back to full charge and honestly looked exactly the same at the start of the night.
Well as you can see ladies and gentlemen, gone is the four toned map from before-“ for a brief second the world beneath him lit up in a variety of navy, light blue, purple and orange before each country popped, going briefly white for a second and then inevitably fading into purple or black, only Germany was deviant - proudly bearing the colours of the Christian People's Party, even as they were wiped out on all sides.
“Deprived of those pretty orange and sky-blue hues, the map looks an awful lot darker now." Edwards intoned - whether he was being clever or not, the point struck home. "The Cooperatives have absolutely swept everything in northern and western Europe, whilst the South and East have gone to the Vigilant. People have been talking about a similar, regional divide in Europe for nearly a decade now but never have we seen it so perfectly laid out before.” The presenter's brow furrowed. “After the last electi, n we saw some serious violence, both political riots and later attacks on northern Europeans in the south and vice-versa. Whilst it might not be appropriate to speculate, one can only hope that things are different this time around. Notable is the success that countries closer to the Soviet Border have totally gone to the VA, perhaps their strong anti-Communist message resonated with those who feel under threat from Trotskygrad’s troops. As for the Coops successes, well it has tended to be in the wealthier countries and, unsurprisingly, from those countries with more liberal social values. Either way, the divide is extremely clear and a little foreboding for the years to come.”
“Don’t worry guys!” Arthur chimed up, “If we avoid Great War Two we can just have a Civil War instead.”
Mike threw a beer can at him and it bounced harmlessly off Arthur’s head as the rest of the group chuckled nervously.
“Thanks Huw,” Brooker nodded, “Now of course it’s over to our model parliament, Victoria?”
Back in the CG palace, there was only a sliver of empty space in between two hordes of rainbow beasts - the left and right had now been fully seperated to either side of the marble, neo-classical chamber.
“Yes its time for our penultimate quick tour around this beautiful digital room which you can now see is almost entirely full. With the CPP potentially splitting and with their new leader likely to have the choice of just which coalition will come into power, it looks like it’ll be whichever party of the two leaders pulls into pole position that can carry the day.”
“Now,” she said gesturing to the small spot of grey in between the eagles and lions. “There are 125 seats left to declare, recent polling has put the VA as doing well in Britain but we are expecting the Coop to come out on top. Most polls however, predict the gap between the two to be about 5ish seats with the Coop just about breaking 40 and both the Confederals and VA in the mid thirties. That kind of result would leave the Vigilant as the largest party and give the Justice coalition a much needed boost.”
“If we check out the coalitions…” the colours all flipped to pink and midnight blue, bar of course the Soviets who stayed crimson in their little corner. “We see that there is a sizable lead to the Popular alliance," indeed, the Pink side of the room looked a lot more numerous than the dark side but the gap was still too small for comfort, "Can they keep that lead with the opposition set to make up ground in Britain? Who knows.”
Back to Brooker with perfect timing. “Well thanks Victoria, we’ve got about sixty seconds before the British result is declared so we’ll go over there in just a minute. For everyone still watching however, I just want to say thank you for sticking with us all night and no matter whats about to happen, thank you for taking part in the democratic process: it’s not really about who won and lost, it’s about us coming together to choose our leaders ourselves. On all sides we seem surrounded by people who would rather we didn’t, who want to subject us to one form of dictatorship or another. Whoever’s Minister-President at the end of the night, at least we can say we chose them.”
He leant back in the chair and exhaled, checking his watch. “And now its over to London for the final British result.”
In front of parliament, as the sun began to rise over the Palace of Westminister, the Speaker of the House had been dragged outside and now stood on a raised podium above a clamouring horde of fleet street, MPs, TV crews and anyone else willing to venture out at 6 am.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” the speaker began, “I have been given explicit permission from the returning officer to recount to you the 2019 federal election results for the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, as well as Her Majesty’s Crown dependencies, Guyana, Bermuda Hong Kong and other overseas automous territories.”
“Come oooon.” Marie begged, “Don’t keep us waiting like this!”
“These results are final and absolute and with them, we bring a close to the election cycle. In last place, are independents and small parties with a collective eighteen thousand and eleven votes, garnering zero seats in the European Parliament.”
“Why the fuck do they even list that? When would they ever win.”
“SUSH!”
“The Marxist Solidarity Front receive three hundred and one thousand and fourty eight votes and a single seat in Parliament. The Left-Ecologist Front received five hundred and fifty seven thousand, nine hundred and thirty six votes, two seats.”
“That’s not a great showing for the nutters,” Simon whisphered, “all voting for us?”
“That,” Arthur nodded, “Or the right have stormed it.”
The Speaker continued, unfazed. “The European Democrats, three million, three hundred and ninety two thousand, three hundred and twelve. Eleven seats.”
On the edge of his chair, a bead of sweat dropped from Arthur’s brow to the floor.
“In third place,” come on, come on, “Are the Vigilant Alliance.”
A cacaophanous roar of joy shot through the room only to immediately silence itself as the students collectively realised the results weren’t actually in yet.
“-four million, eight hundred and thirty seven thousand, one hundred and twenty six. 16 seats.”
“Did we win?” Marie asked, desperately running through the maths in her head, Arthur was doing the same and shook his head. “Not quite, we need the Connnies to beat them by ten seats and us to beat them by another ten.”
Undettered but seemingly shaking with excitement himself, the speaker ploughed on. “Second place,” a pause as he squinted, who in their right mind would leave it down to two parties with such similar sounding names, “the Confederal Party.” Both in London and Oxford, there were no cheers yet – it was the numbers that mattered. “Eight million, one hundred and thirty one thousand, four hundred and fifty eight votes, twenty seven seats.”
“But that means-“
“And thus I can declare the winners of the British votes and indeed of the European Federal election are the Cooperative Party on nineteen million, nine hundredand fifty eight thousand, seven hundred and fifty five votes, sixty seven seats!”
Everything beyond the word nineteen was drowned out in cheers, shrieks, whoops of joy, the occasional sob, a burst of nervous laughter, clapping from the watchers in London – whatever animalistic sounds of relief and jubilation happened to burst forth. Arthur grabbed Marie and squeezed her tight before grabbing Simon by the wait and hoisting him into the air, dropping him he gripped the rest of them in a tight squeeze and the inevitable chanting began.
“WE LOVE YOU BRITAIN, WE DO!” was what got it going, before a clash of “I’m Britain till I die,” “Jeruslam”, “Swing Low” and, unsurprisingly, “the Red Flag” got started.
Back on the screen, Brooker had been joined on his far up podium by Cohen, Theroux and Edwards, each of them smiling in a slightly less than professional manner and clearly not quite ready for the cameras as they were still chuckling and shaking hands at what they had just heard.
Brooker, clearly having spotted the red light on the camera scrambled to regain his professionalism but just couldn’t shake his grin. “It’s almost time for us to say goodbye but just before we do, I’d like to hand over to the Leader of the Cooperative Party who, from his base in Manchester, is about to make a speech. In case I don’t see you, thanks once more for watching and have a good night. If by some miracle I don’t get fired, I’ll see you lot in a few years and there’s just one last thing to say-“ he paused for a moment, “thank god for that.”
Cutting now to a brightly lit room full of purple banners and wolf logos, with slogans and election posters on every wall, packed to the brim with activists teeming with excitement, a single podium on an improvised stage stood tall above them. At it, Gordon Brown stood smiling.
“THANK YOU BRITAIN!” Arthur had never seen the former Chancellor smile before, at least not without looking like a possessed puppet. “THANK YOU EUROPE!” He waved to the people and leant into the microphone. “After such a hard few years at home and across the continent, after such a hard fought election and such a tense evening it gives me so, so much pleasure to stand here and to talk to you all.”
Whoops and cheers came in response, even if by what was now 6.20 AM, they were starting to get a little ragged.
“But it gives me even more pleasure to introduce the leader of our party and the next Minister-President of the European Federation, Charles Kennedy!”
Gordon stepped off to the side as the blonde leader stepped up, the two men went into an embrace and shook hands vigorously before Kennedy, bristling with authority and confidence, stood up to where Gordon had been.
Waving to his fans, his supporters and now -Arthur supposed – his people, Charles Kennedy stood beaming at the podium. He had lost so much weight these past few years; a side effect of his “Get Britain Fit” scheme from when he’d been Prime Minister and his apparently tee-total lifestyle since a health scare in 2010. The man had just turned sixty but now, with glistening eyes and hands held high, beamed out at the crowd a younger man than he had been in years.
“Good morning Europe! A see a new dawn on the horizon, I see a brighter tomorrow – and not only because I’ve got the sun in my eyes. What we have done tonight, what every single one of us – supporters, voters, citizens – has done, cannot be exaggerated. Never in my six decades on this planet have I been so filled with hope, so excited to greet the day and start anew. When we started this campaign I made you all a promise, a promise that we would build a better future. Well that future starts now.”
Always a moderate in his party, a quiet but popular figure both within Britain and without, his firey denounciation of illiberal government legislation, his confidence and willingness to work with the Greens during his time in British politics and his skill both as an orator and a negotiator had all served to escalate him to the forefront of British politics during the turmultous post-war years of the 80s and 90s. Now it was not only Britain but Europe to which he proudly devoted his efforts. Running an election campaign on “Peace in Our Time”, echoing the words of British Hero Neville Chamberlain, Kennedy was consistently one of the most popular men in European politics. He promised higher taxes on the rich, more spending on education, peace abroad, protection of civil liberties and free speech, free childcare, a minimum wage. He was a man loved by socialists and liberals alike; gone was the stuffy, quiet Kennedy of his early days, here was a man proven and hardened by time but still endowed with the rarest of political virtues: decency and hope. Arthur had always leaned left but the rousing cry of Kennedy’s “Cooperative Future” had won him over fully. He had never been more committed to the cause and neither, it seemed had many of the others around him.
Kennedy’s speech continued but Arthur couldn’t really hear it. It was very good no doubt, probably one for the history books but exhaustion was starting to take its toll. He nodded forward and jolted back up, sleep was edging in.
Of course, every day that Kennedy inspired, promised and united, the men and women of the Vigilant seemed to do the opposite. They appealed to fear, to discord and distrust, they built on old bigotries and were unflinching in their efforts to find new foes, they saw a nation not just declining but rotting, assaulted within and without but decadence, foreign infiltration and upstart anarchists. They longed for the good old days, for Britain’s green and pleasant land, for France’s Belle Epoch, for Germany’s place in the sun. Their Europe, their world could not be further from the term “Veritas in Concordia”, United in Diversity. They read the first word and stopped their; “Unity” they always said “Unity” occasionally “purity” and “order” slipped through as well, sometimes “justice” or even “peace”. Anything they could do, any descriptor they could find to justify their cruel means and brutal ends. Dominion, that was what it always came down to; having dominion over all the people they could. The undesirables, the anarchic and unnormal could be done away with – sidelined and pushed away, deprived of their humanity and seen off as a force for anything but despair. The beloved, old and trusted peoples meanwhile could be coddled – herded into a future they didn’t know they wanted and protected from all the things they didn’t think dangerous. The Vigilant, like every other strain of autocrats in history said the same things, “We’re not like the others, we’re the only ones that care. We know best.” They smiled at that last point, confident in just how obvious they thought their message was “We’ll make things better, make them like they were.” Kennedy, like the Cooperatives had always done, as good men had always done, knew the truth. Things had never been better, people had always been poor, wars had always been fought and the rich had always oppressed the poor. What was more important than all of that however was that it could be better. If enough people came together, if the right men and women were allowed to succeed, then a brighter future could emerge. Not by looking to the past, by longing through rose-tinted spectacles for the golden age you only remembered and never lived, but by looking forward; eyes clear and vision uncorrupted. The fight wouldn’t be easy, it was always going to be up hill. There would be close calls, there would be set backs and losses and maybe in the end it would all be for nothing. Just maybe though, if enough people locked arms and kept on pushing, if they shrugged off the losses and defeats, if they stayed determined, a brighter future could be found.
Amidst the cheers and whoops, the tight hug Marie threw around him, the chants and songs and pure excitement that filled every heart and every corner of the room, Arthur only had the energy to smile. As the broadcast came to a close, it’s beleaguered and bleary eyed hosts escaping off to bed, a quiet song played, far from the bombastic celebration in the Oxford bar or the raucous arguments of the campaign it seemed so quiet, so fragile. Arthur sighed and couldn’t help but hum along – he’d never really cared that it didn’t rhyme in English.
"Freude, schöner Götterfunken,"
Drifting off quietly, content amidts the noise and the haste – overwhelmed with relief and joy, he mumbled the second sentence as he slowly faded into sleep. “Daughters of Elysium…”
The history of “Elysium” diverges from our own when General Gamelin, Commander in Chief of the French Armed Forces, informs the French Government that fully mobilisation is not necessary to repel the German occupation of the Rhineland. He believes, unlike OTL, the official account from the German foreign ministry that only 19 divisions had been sent into the region and argues that a military response is both possible and correct. French forces hit the Germans quite unexpectedly on the 15th of March, 1936 and push the Germans a fair way back. Hitler is immediately rattled and begins to panic. The fighting very quickly starts to bog down, however, and Hitler doubles down on the war by attempting a disastrous invasion of Belgium in early April. As British and Belgian forces finally make their way to the front in force and the Luftwaffe is shredded by the larger combined force of the RAF and the Armee de l’Air, the war turns against Germany. Hitler, whose mental health and political standing are fading rapidly, is ousted by the Army, who call for a ceasefire and outlaw the NSDAP, largely restoring the government to its pre-1933 state. Hitler is convicted by a German tribunal of breaking international law, violating the constitution and treason. After much debate, he is handed over to the French and hanged in Paris. In Germany, the Army reluctantly give way to a Zentrum-SDP government in 1937 and Germany begins to transition back to a stable democracy.
Whilst the initial economic shock of the war was a clear negative, the French victory boosts their economy by just enough to stabilize the state of affairs. Neville Chamberlain becomes Prime Minister of the UK just like OTL, Blum hosts steady in France and the recicent German Government of Otto Wells begins to build economic and political ties with Western Europe. The European economy begins a steady general recovery, as investment between Germany, France and Britain grows and the respective success of each continues to boost the others. Things take a dramatic turn for the worse in the early 1940s when Stalin begins slowly conquering the Balkan states. Estonia and Latvia fall with only strongly worded letters sent in response. Poland, however, beginning to fear for her security, publicly guarantees the independence of Lithuania and stations troops on her borders. The Soviets call the Polish bluff and invade but Warsaw does not back down and the First Soviet War begins.
The Soviets very quickly storm through Lithuania, despite stiff resistance, and whilst progress is bloody, advance through Poland at a rapid rate. Germany, fearing for her own security, come to the aid of the Poles and the war grows again. The tide turns time and time again and for six months the front line moves back and forth within Poland. In early 1945 however, the soviets make a major breakthrough and storm for Warsaw, Stalin makes a series of speeches announcing how Communism will soon come to all the people of Europe. This threat and the idea of a Stalinist Germany shock Europe into action and the London Conference of 1945, Chamberlain rallies the French and Italian governments to his side to declare war on the Soviets. The Red are immediately thrown back and though there are a great deal of logistical and practical problems at first, the combined European Armies are able to retake Poland mile by mile. In 1952, with his physical and mental health rapidly deteriorating, Stalin doubles down and issues direct threats to many minor European governments. Most immediately join the anti-Soviet effort and the Soviets are pushed back to their original borders. Stalin conveniently “dies of a heart attack” and a troika of Khrushchev, Toduka and Zhukov take over and sue for peace. This new Soviet government is more openly anti-Stalin than OTL’s and over time, Trotskyite ideas are adopted.
The European Alliance quickly evolves into the Atlantic and European Democratic League, formalising the wartime alliance and adding Canada into the mix. The Alliance rapidly centralise their equipment and decision making with a combined High Command for the Army, Navy and Airforce organised in Paris, Portsmouth and Hamburg respectively.
Japanese expansionism and an increasingly aggressive United States lead to the First, Second and Third Pacific Wars (1944-1947, 1956-1960 and 1980) which see all see a three way clash between the Japanese Empire, the United States of America and the old European empires. The AEDL develops a counterpart in the Pacific and Asian Democratic League, consisting largely of Dutch Indonesia, French Indochina and British dominions in the pacific including Australia, New Zealand and splinters of the loose “Indian Confederation” that collapsed in 1951, a mere three years after its founding. The two alliances become increasingly close and both rapidly begin to develop first an economic and then political angle with the creation of the European Federation in 1969 and the Union of Oceania in 1973. These two alliances hold on desperately to the League of Nations as the Soviets, Japanese and Americans all begin to stare down at them.
The Second Soviet War (1969-1971) results in the Soviet capture of much of southern Europe including Romania, Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and Greece. It is only ended by the first (and last) ITTL deployment of a nuclear device as Leningrad is obliterated by a European bomber. A difficult peace is reached in Europe.
The World in 2019
Europe, Oceania and the League of Nations
The League of Nations is a military and political alliance born from the ashes of a failed attempt at an international forum. Based now out of Montreal, it is often referred to as the “Free World”, the Democratic Bloc or simply the League. The LoN is a surprisingly tight knit group, her members are all democratic (drifting from this trend ends with either expulsion or intervention and is extremely rare) and relations are warm, if only due to the sheer scale of external threats. The LoN have standardized military equipment and norms, they regularly conduct joint military exercises and their currencies are pegged at a consistent rate: One Euro is One Canadian Pound (the Dollar was scrapped for being too American) is Two Oceanic Shillings is Five Congolese Scrip. Most are social democracies with some state ownership of key industries within a free market. Most also employ a form of national service and military spending is high (mandated at 5% of government spending in the LoN Charter of 1975) though considerably lower than in the USSR, USA or Japan.
With the Formation of the European Federation in 1969, the continent was set on its current path. Though it would lose 4 member states to Soviet invasion that same year, the Federation is now the richest nation on earth, its advanced economic and technological status have lead to extremely high living standards across the Federation. Education is free up to and including Post-Graduate education, a European Health Bureau provides state provided healthcare to the continent (though it is heavily devolved to the regions and private alternatives exist), all members are now fully fledged democracies (since the Spanish and Italian thaws of the 1970s).
Politically, the EF is a parliamentary, bicameral federation with the Parliament of the European Federation forming the lower house and the non-partisan High Council of Europe forming the upper. Both are housed within the Elysian Palace in Geneva. Christian and Social democracy remain the two dominant strains of political thought, with all Minister-Presidents coming from the Christian People’s Party or Cooperative Party. Leadership of the nation falls largely on the minister president though the “Big Three” of Germany, Britain and France hold a great deal of influence and their national leaders have been known to direct the course of the union in the past. Despite a few political scares in recent years (the Mediterranean Secession Crisis of 2001 and the Vigilant Surge of 2019) the Federation is stable and free, her people are happy and rich and under the newly elected Minister-President Charles Kennedy, people are optimistic.
In many ways, the Union of Oceania is very similar. Though a slightly looser arrangement than Europe, Oceania can be divided into three main regions; the “Eastern Dominions” of Australia and New Zealand, the “Central Dominions” of Malaya, Singapore, Borneo and Papua New Guinea and the “Indian Dominions” of Kerala, Tamil Nadu and Ceylon, as well as the far flung member state of Madagascar. Oceania is more right wing than the Federation both socially and economically and her trio of mega-corporations (Wesfarmers, UOB and Singtel) all have a great deal of economic, political and even sometimes military influence. A cluster of PMCs bolsters the national army and politicians regularly appeal to these powerful groups as job makers and donors, though lobbying is strictly limited and Freedom House rates Oceania consistently as a full democracy.
Oceania is a semi-parliamentary system with a directly elected President, with the capital based in Singapore, also its largest and wealthiest city. Politically the Union is dominated by three parties; the socially conservative, big government National Action Party with a base in Singapore and Western Australia, the left wing Congress Party based in the Indian Dominions and New Zealand and the incumbent Liberal Party which has in recent years been pursuing a firmly libertarian course. Politically, Australia and Singapore hold far more influence than they should and the vast majority of the national leadership stems from these countries. Indonesia, in particular, has grated under this disparity and the breakaway, pro-Japanese, "Free Indonesian Republic" left Oceania in 1980, sparking the third Pacific War. Whilst eastern Indonesia was brought back under Oceanic control, the west remains a thorn in their side.
Canada is the third power of the LoN but under no illusions that it is a distant third. Spending nearly 10% of their budget on the military, the US-Canadian border is one of the tensest in the world. Whilst during the 50s it appeared that Canada might fall into the American sphere, the success of the Cooperative Commonwealth Party saw a string of socialist and social democratic Presidents throw in their lot with Europe and form the AEDL. When Europe federated, Canada chose not to join but now acts as the link between the Atlantic and Pacific sides of the League of Nations. At any one time, no fewer than 30,000 European and 20,000 Oceanic troops are stationed in Canada – she is certainly a nation on the edge.
The three “up and comers” within the LoN are the Commonwealth of Bengal, the Republic of Brazil and the Congolese Federation, developed and democratic republics built on the ideas of mutualism and left-libertarianism. Though they initially associated with the Soviet Union in the 50s and 60s, the hardline and domineering attitude of Trotskygrad scared away the more democratic and moderate states. Despite a short lived “Non-Aligned Movement” in the 1970s, it became apparent that they would have to pick a side and eventually they chose the League. Though they tack to the left of their former colonial masters (and indeed, a great deal of tension remains over the centuries of suffering and the issue of apologies and reparations) they share a commitment to democracy and personal liberty. Their economies are strong and their militaries large, even if they are under constant threat from American and Japanese puppets who want nothing more than the obliteration of socialist filth like them.
Finally there are the assorted minor allies such as Tibet, Kenya, Uraguay, the (now occupied) Kingdom of Tswanaland and more. They minor countries are steadfastly democratic but often lack the full blown economic success of their larger allies, instead relying heavily on natural resources and agriculture to support them. Almost all have both European and Oceanic military bases on their soil whilst most associate primarily with one or the other. Members of the League within the Indian ocean such as Tibet, Bengal, Kenya, Somalia and Tanzania primarily throw in their lot with Oceania whilst Atlantic members such as Brazil, Congo, Uraguay, Nigeria (and their friends in the West African Federation) and Cameroon rely on Europe.
All in all, the League is the most rag-tag of the four “pillars”. United by fear and a commitment to democracy, the free world huddles together tightly and – with mounting strength in recent years – seems the most likely to grow and thrive.
The Soviet Union
After the fall of Stalin, the backlash against his legacy was immense. Works that had been censored, burned or banned were now celebrated and lauded, statues were torn down and cities renamed, those killed under Stalin such as Trotsky, Bukharin and others become national heroes. The new government under Chairman Zhukov (who outmaneuvers Khrushchev for the top spot) paints itself as reformist and open, purporting to adopt tenants and policies of Trotskyism, going so far as to rename Moscow in his honour. In reality, the USSR continues largely as before; workplace democracy is expanded somewhat and many of the gulags are closed down but the party remains absolutely dominant and the politburo is dominated largely by the same men as ever. Under Zhukov there is relative peace until the outbreak of the Second Soviet War (known to the USSR as the Third Great War) which sees many successes for the Red Army in South-Eastern Europe. Zhukov is succeeded by party man after party man and the USSR largely maintains course, there are periods of liberalism and over time the Trotskyite dream slowly grows as more and more party democracy emerges and government power starts to wane. With the rise of Chairmen such as Limonov and his predecessor Kasparov, the USSR has once again taken a turn towards direct rule from Trotskygrad.
Abroad, the Soviet Union adopted the cause of “anti-Imperialism” and hijacked the independence movements of many in Africa and Asia. Whilst Trotskyite thought was often little more than a title, in terms of internationalism the Soviet Union delivered. With the worlds most powerful army and third most powerful navy, Communism has been exported to the far flung regions of the world. Their allies in the Popular Republic of the Congo, Zambezi and Katanga allow them a firm presence in Central Africa where the authority of the Communist Party reigns supreme. Likewise in Eastern Europe, Yugoslavia, Romania, Bulgaria and Greece are utterly dominated by Trotskygrad. Local governments are formed and toppled on an annual basis and the mere whisper of reform is enough to have tanks rolling down the street within hours. In North India, a splinter of the Indian National Congress aligned with the Soviets and gave them an immediate head start on growing their influence. Both by agitating locally and via-direct intervention, Afghanistan, Punjab and the Indus Republic have been brought firmly into line with the Kremlin. Only in China is any deviance allowed; in truth the underdeveloped Chinese Soviet Republic is the weakest of the three Chinese governments and for the Soviets it is as much a buffer state as it is anything of greater value. With its heavily agricultural economy and heavily devolved government, the Soviets are content to base their troops there and stare angrily at the Japanese across the border. In South America, high Soviet hopes were dashed by utter American dominance as their rebellions and revolts (though partially successful in Columbia and Peru) consistently fail to take hold. The continent has largely been given up on, instead the USSR focuses its attention on Europe
Recently, the government has taken a turn towards the radical and authoritarian with buzzwords of “National Bolshevism” and “New Internationalism” thrown about as excuses to purge and exploit subversives and push the soviet agenda abroad. In Turkey, the Soviets have backed an assortment of communist, Islamist and military rebels in an attempt to topple a key European ally. Via their puppet in Syria, they conduct air strikes and funnel arms into the country where they crash directly with the European Armed forces.
The United States of America
The United States of America is the second richest of the world’s superpowers, after the European Federation, and has the second largest military, after the Soviet Union. Despite this however, they are probably the most individually powerful country in the world. More stable than Japan, wealthier than the USSR and better armed than Europe. Her slow descent into ‘race-managed democracy’ or, as the other great powers label it, ‘Racial Dictatorship” came from the end of the Fourth party system. After Franklin Roosevelt served his two terms, the young Mississippi Senator James Eastland clinched both the Democratic nomination and the presidency in an upset that saw the driving force of both the Democratic party and the USA turn southwards. Roosevelt’s historical reputation is complicated; whilst seen as both socially moderate and economically left wing, his stacking of the Supreme Court in 1937 handed a great deal of power to the Democratic party and the unchecked power of a Conservative, pro-Democrat supreme court lead to the slow death of American democracy. Eastland reinforced the Jim Crow laws and was a keen protector of segregation, though attempts to take it nation wide were quickly abandoned as impossible (for now). Eastland won reelection in 1944 and, after a rebellion in the Philippines purportedly funded by the Japanese Empire, the First Pacific War broke out. The results were inconclusive but American influence in the Pacific grew and Eastland was able to use the war to transfer more power to the executive, his old mantra of states rights abandoned now that he knew Southern Democrats had a firm hold on the Presidency. Eastland was followed by his VP, Spessard Holland, who oversaw the reapportionment of the Electoral College that granted nearly 60 extra electors to Southern states, all of which were firmly democratic. Holland was followed by Ross Barnet (1957-1965), James Fullbright (1965-1973), Lawton Chiles (1973-1981), Strom Thurmond (1981-1989), Bill Blythe (1989-1995), Joseph Buchanan (1995-2001), Leroy Gingrich (2001-2009), Matt Kibbe (2009-2016) and finally Mike Foster (2017-present). In all these years, neither the House nor the Senate has fallen out of democratic control as gerrymandering, government censorship and racial limiters preventing black Americans from going to the polls ensure the power of the party is supreme. In recent years, particularly under Gingrich, Kibbe and Foster, it is not the President but the DNC that has had a great deal of governmental power and DNC Chairman Don Black has been in effective power for the past decade. The Republican party has practically 0 presence South of New England and East of the Rockies and even there, they are constrained by a central government with an unflinching commitment to “managed democracy”, racial hierarchy and the success of American corporations.
American allies in Rhodesia and South Africa maintain similar segregationist policies, a recent US funded invasion of Tswanaland has led to an increase in tensions and a LoN boycott of American goods. Their only other willing allies stem from the Shahs of the middle east whilst Central and South America languish under a series of OSS backed Banana republics with pro-European and pro-Soviet rebels in a perpetual state of rebellion. Bar European Guyana, only Brazil and Uraguay have escaped American domination and both are now the most left wing countries outside of the Soviet sphere, utilising system of left-libertarianism they are key allies of the European Federation and remain members of the League of Nations. American puppet states established during the Second and Third Pacific Wars in the Philippines, “Free” Indochina and Odisha in east India seem strong on the surface but their leadership (either Generalissimos or Dogmatically Christian dictators, in the case of Indochina) is struggling under the strength of leftist and democratic rebels and in India particularly Washington’s grip is fading. Perhaps however, with their old rival in Tokyo weakening, the American Empire will last a few centuries more.
The Empire of Japan
By far the weakest of the four pillars, Japan has remained unflinching and unchanged since the 40s. Her Emperor devoid almost entirely of real power, instead it is the army and navy - stuck forever in a precarious balance - that lead the nation forward. The Second Sino-Japanese War ended in deadlock in 1943 and the establishment of the Empire of China the following year saw boy Emperor Pu Yi returned to the throne. With its capital in Nanjing, the Empire is just as much as Japanese puppet as any of her supposed allies in the Co-Prosperity Sphere. Manchukuo, Azad Hind, Burma, Vietnam, Laos and Hainan are all but puppets of the IJA and IJN. The Japanese were, for a time, the undisputed masters of the Pacific. Having smashed the American Navy in the First War of the Pacific and blunted the Royal (and broader European) Navy in the Second, she seemed to be master of the east. The sluggishness of Tokyo to adopt nuclear technology however, and the political ascendancy of the Army faction at the expense of the IJN, led to the loss of their naval crown some time in the 70s however.
During the 80s, Japan was the undisputed world leader in technologly, the economy and even culture. Cars faster and cheaper than anything made elsewhere, televisions and radios churned out at impressive rates, tanks and rifles made of composite materials and fitted with space age gadgets: Japanese factories flooded the world with glimpses of the future. Japanese movies and video games were smuggled into America and Russia and sold freely in Europe. The bright animation and enthralling acting of Japanese soaps won over many across the world, it seemed for a while as if the Empire would - against all odds - come out on top in the four way "Frozen Years" conflict. When the 80s ended however, Japan was too trapped in her "Decade of Good Feelings" to accompany the world forward.
In recent years, the cracks have begun to show; overtaken technologically by all other powers, Japans economy languishes in the past and her "allies" and beginning to assert themselves more. With the belated, underground entrance of the internet into the Co-Prosperity Sphere, agitation is once again beginning to crop up not only in her puppets but key parts of the Japanese Empire itself such as Korea and Taipei. Even more dramatically, the anger between the Army and Navy appears to be reaching a breaking point as Admiral Abe, head of the Naval Faction, has repeatedly talked of the superiority of "sea over earth" and has made several outings on nuclear submarines as well as appearing time and time again at the side of the Emperor. Abe appears to be attempting to monopolise power within the Empire and, if he continues, threatens to upset the delicate balance and bring civil war to Japan.
Even if conflict is avoided and even if Abe's rash acts come to nothing, Japan is on borrowed time and her pillar will likely be the first to fall.
India
With the rise of a Labour government in 1943, Britain finally begins a plan to grant Independence to India. Despite protestation from the Muslim League, the British government opt to create a singular, large dominion known as the Confederation of India. With the princely states maintaining their freedom and authority and a careful balance of Muslim and Hindu influence in government, there was much hope for the new nation. However it was not to be, Soviet agitation causes a schism in the ruling INC and this, combined with the Japanese funded Indian National Army rising in the east, caused the confederation to splinter and collapse.
The North Western states are slowly brought into the Soviet sphere and one by one fall to communist coups and invasions. In the North East, a democratic Bengal is the last hold out against an increasing number of Japanese and American puppets. Washington’s chosen puppet, Odisha, and Japan’s “Azad Hind” government are constantly clashing and in truth cause more trouble for each other than anyone else. In central India, the most powerful of the princely states band together and survive on their wealth and the size of their independent armies whilst in the South, Ceylon and the Tamil republics join with Oceania.
The Kingdom of Hyderabad and the rump Republic of Dehli cling together firmly. Occupying central and Northern India, they are the last hopes at true Indian self government. Whilst the Raja of Hyderabad is unabashed in his wish to rule over all India, the Dehli government is technically the legal successor the Confederation and thus the legal government of all India. Only time will tell if that can mean anything on more than just paper.
China
China is equally a mess, the Civil War was put on ceasefire during the 40s to fight off a Japanese invasion. They only succeeded in part and Japanese puppet governments are set up in Manchuria and eastern-central China. In the South, the authoritarian Republic of China is a firm American ally whilst the northern Chinese Soviet Republic is ruled almost entirely from Moscow. The three way split of China continues to be extremely tense and the fact that Britain and Portugal have been able to hold on to Hong Kong and Macau comes exclusively from the fact that all three Chinas would rather the Europeans had them than either of the other two. Living in China is tough these days but varies depending on which state you live in. The Soviet Republic is incredibly underdeveloped and mostly agricultural, bar cottage and basic industries near the coast and in Beijing, but probably the most content of the three. Bar five years of conscription in the Red Army most Northern Chinese live their lives with little government intervention, farming and living as they had for thousands of years before hand. In Southern China things are harder, the Republic is invasive and authoritarian – comparable to the PRC of OTL – and whilst a middle class has developed and wealth is certainly becoming more abundant, the army and Kuomintang punish political dissidence harshly. In the Japanese-controlled Empire of China however, things are certainly worst. A ruling caste of Japanese and quisling Chinese businessmen enforce a strict racial and economic hierarchy. Rule of law is arbitrary at best and nearly 70 years of rebellions and revolts and put the Japanese on edge – even breathing a word against the Emperor is met with the executions and family wide imprisonment. Tokyo’s hold on China is slipping however and many predict that one day soon, middle China might be free.
The Future
The Frozen Years, seen as wasted time to many politicians and philosophers, show no signs of stopping. Children have been born, grown old and died within the period and the many great powers of the world persist continually in their hatred of one another. The world has changed a lot in these last eighty years, new nations and ideas flourishing across the globe. Perhaps this standoffish era will continue forever, perhaps it will all come crashing down in nuclear fire tomorrow. Either way, the world of Elysium certainly has a few more stories to tell...
