Chapter Five
12.08 PM
About an hour later, a time period which had been little more than a blur of kebab and running, Arthur found himself in Jim’s room, slumped awkwardly (and quite uncomfortably) into a bean bag, staring, bleary eyed, at a flip-up calculator [1] streaming EBC 1. Somehow, in the commotion, they had missed the Scandinavian declarations but if Artie remembered correctly they did the cop out thing like the Germans where they all announced at once. The Scandis, god bless their cold but kindly hearts, were always loyal cooperatives and the votes of his northern brethren seemed to have struck true.
“...even for one of Europe's left wing heartlands, this is a fantastic result for the Cooperatives and their allies." Huw Edwards explained and Arthur's heart skipped a beat. "What we're seeing is, in fact, better both for the Cooperatives and the centrist parties than the exit poll had predicted. Indeed, could this be the where the tide turns for the Vigilant? It's worth pointing out that we still haven't hit the traditional VA hotspots of Spain and Italy so I'd keep an eye out for southern Europe yet. But we with those three rapid declarations from Norway, Denmark and Sweden, I can now add the Scandinavian results to the map below me.”
The northern peninsula glowed for a moment and then one by one the Scandinavian Kingdoms all shone bright purple.
"Get in!" Arthur whispered to himself, grinning despite the more than a little woozy head.
“So the result now is three countries to the Vigilant and four to the Cooperative Party. Whats interesting is that, five years ago, all but two of these countries had very different results indeed. Whilst Hungary is a vigilant stronghold and Sweden has been Cooperative since the 60s, the other five were all either Christian Party holds or DEM gains. What this means? Who knows but that's it from me for now.”
“See lads,” Arthur groaned, rolling inelegantly to a more upright position, “Told you it’d get better. #CoopFightback.”
“You suuuuuuush!” Simon wailed, “It doesn’t make a difference we’re all still gonna die, Jim said so!”
“Jim’s an idiot. Aren’t you Jim?” A snore came in reply.
As the camera snapped back to the main desk, Charlie Brooker looked just about as tired as Jim was and, for more reasons than one, seemed to utterly regret taking this job.
“Well, we’ve got about 20 minutes before the Germanosphere results pour in so I’ll be talking to Steven Turnbull, Oceanian ambassador to the European Federation, thanks for being here Mr Turnbull.”
“Please, call me Steve.” The grinning Ambassador replied.
Oceania was the great counterweight to Europe, the two federations had formed at about the same time in the 50s and 60s and the two mega-nations had been reliant on one another since.
“Alright Steve, how are you tonight?” “Well Charlie, I can’t say I’m not a little surprised by how things are turning out.”
“I think we’re all in the same boat there. So what’s Oceania’s response to tonight's vote?”
“Well, first of all, I’d like to say as everyone else has, the night isn’t over and we just don’t know who’s going to be MP yet! Oceania and all her associated states will, of course, pursue a positive and friendly relation with whoever is sitting in the Elysian Palace - the European Alliance is extremely important to us.”
"You had quite an exciting election yourselves just a few months ago, with the Liberal Party returning to power after 10-"
"11."
"Yes, thank you, 11 years out of office. Bringing with them your first Premier of Chinese descent since the great LKY."
"It certainly was and whilst I am a purely apolitical commentator myself, the election was certainly one to watch. The death of Mr Lee Kwan Yew just last year was a tragedy and a landmark for the country. Singapore has been the capital of the Union since its founding and the fact that we once again have a Singaporean Prime Minister as we approach our 50th anniversary is, I think, rather fitting. It's a new age for both our countries."
"Yes," Brooker nodded, "Premier Khor has been putting a lot of emphasis on this 'New Age', I only hope it's better than the one we live in now. I have to ask, what if it is the Vigilant taking the Palace? The party have made it very clear that they see both the Oceanian and Canadian Alliances as a waste of time and money.”
The Ambassadors jaw tightened for a moment. “It’s my opinion and the opinion of the Oceanian Government that the alliance is absolutely imperative for world security. Our two nations have so much in common, we’re the two largest democracies in the world and we’re both multi national unions - Oceania is even based on the European model. We're English speaking and a fellow parliamentary democracy. Whilst Europe might be a little larger than Oceania, I still think that everyone from Singapore to Brisbane to Sri Lanka sees a real friend in Europe and especially Britain. The Union consists almost entirely of British dominions and former European colonies. Oceania is, I think , a child of Europe and a natural ally.”
The confusing compromises made in the face of American and Soviet aggression always boggled Arthur’s mind. Republics, Monarchies, Conservatives and Socialists all banded together under the rough alliances of the European Federation and the Union of Oceania, desperate responses to the Soviet Wars – which left all of Europe south-east of Hungary under Leningrad’s thumb – and the Pacific War, which saw the resurgent USA conquer and burn its way across the ocean. They began as the Atlantic Democratic League and the Pacific Democratic League, military coalitions of previously disparate nations united in terror and their devotion to democracy. Those alliances had become councils, those councils had become unions and now those two unions had locked arms in a desperate bid for survival.
“So you’d be opposed to the end of the Alliance?”
The Australian nodded, “We’d be disappointed and no doubt worried. Whilst we understand Mrs Widdecombe feels she has a lot in common with President Foster’s regime, as a fellow democracy, we would be concerned. We’d also worry for our shared friends in Canada, their integration into the European Federation is a key way to maintain democratic influence in the western hemisphere and shore up Canadian defence. Of course,” the Ambassador held up his hands in mock surrender, “we’ll be happy and enthusiastic to work with whoever wins."
"The Vigilant leadership has said some disparaging things about your country ambassador. Calling your people 'Half-casts, heathens and layabouts' - that's a quote from the leader of the French section of the VA and suggesting that 'The decadent, dependent colonies of the past must plot their own course away from Europa who can now blossom into a proud, new future' - that one from Mrs Widdicombe herself." Brooker put down the piece of paper and stared Turnbull in the eye. "Surely these worry you?"
Turnbull shuffled awkwardly in his seat, his mouth drawn into a thin line. "Oceania has no dog in this race. Whilst I can't say I'm awfully pleased about those comments, we're sure that a productive relationship can and will continue.”
“Bollocks.” Arthur muttered.
“Thanks Steve, I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for as I’m hearing that the Germanosphere results have all come in at once and so we’re going over to Vienna where-”
[1] Calculator simply means computers ITTL and accordingly a "Flipup Calculator" or just FC is a laptop.
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