Part 1: The Honeymoon is over.
David Owen and David Steele after the Alliance Victory in the 1983 General Election
May 2013
“I agree with Lembit,” Mandelson said calmly, easy on the sycophancy.
“There’s a first for everything Peter,” Lembit Opik replied. “You didn’t before,”
“Could we stay on topic please,” Paxman stated, “I asked Mr Opik about the Democrat’s stance on corporation tax and so far he’s completely avoided me, instead talking about local shops in his constituency,”
“Actually, I was talking about local businesses, ones which bring more money into local economies,” Dan Hannan watched carefully then jumped.
“but they’re a smaller impact on the wellbeing of the economy, your proposals for protecting small business from so called big simply incentivises remaining small and not expanding, once again the left promoting mediocrity and stifling economic growth” he said in a single go.
“If you think I’m left wing Dan, you should have a look at Ed Balls’ Manifesto!” Lembit almost-slurred “Heavens forbid the individualist actually protect individual people,”
“Do I need to split you two up?” said Mandelson, in an attempt to belittle the two of them, the rivalry between the Liberals and the Democrats was famous
1987
Ten Downing Street
“You mad bastard, you’ll ruin us,” the Prime Minister shouted
“Was there ever really an “Us”, we knew this could end.” The Deputy Prime Minister replied calmly in contrast to the PM’s anger. The PM paused and spoke again. “David, are you that damned stubborn that you’ll jeopardise all we won in eighty three?”
“The whole point of Eighty three and the fact I was stood alongside you instead of Kinnock was I’d had enough of Labour, I’m not going to run back now,” David Owen said, explaining himself.
“We need them this time. You agreed to voting reform because we knew eighty three was a fluke and the big two would jump on us as soon as possible and beat us to death with First Past the Post. So we pushed it through as quickly as possible. We knew this might be a side effect.” David Steele said before pouring himself another drink. “We’ll go into government as the senior partners David, on our terms,”
“Not with them, I have my principles David,” Owen said, the same repeated, almost patronising tone.
“And I have mine, you know the door David,”
“A Liberal-Labour government? Really?” Owen asked, raising an eyebrow
“If that’s the closest we’re going to get to the will of the people, then yes!”
“With the Liberals as the junior partner?” he said, scoffing even as he put on his coat.
“With the Alliance as senior member, do you really think you speak for the whole of the SDP?” Steele said as Owen walked to the door, practically ignoring Steele
“We’ll see David, good night,”
2011
The Liberal Party conference, Brighton
“Dear god its like the father and son picnic up there,” remarked David Laws as he watched the two remaining leadership candidates on stage. Graham Watson sat next to him looked to him and raised his eyebrows.
“This is all your fault you know!” he chuckled, the laugh of a man who figured it was better to laugh than to cry.
“Me? How is it my fault?” Laws asked, frowning.
“If you’d stood for leader the party would follow you,”
“What if I don’t want to stand for leader? What if I’m happy at finance!”
“So instead we have the old man and the, the,” Watson searched for a word, “Foetus!”
“He’s thirty nine, Graham, and he’s a good speaker, he can be a real firebrand about things he believes in”
“Well its also what he believes in a Davisite,” Watson added.
“And that’s a bad thing?” Laws said, sipping from a polystyrene cup of now luke-warm tea.
“Those Tory twits don’t belong in this party and you know it, now offense meant david but you’re about as “Libertarian” as the Americans would put it, as the party goes,”
“I thought David Davis was a good leader! But then again, “ he scoffed, “I would, apparently, They belong here because May tried to introduce all those god-awful detention laws, I welcomed them with open arms, we all did! Its just a shame David stood down after the helicopter accident.” the crowd quietened as the official stepped forward.
“Sir Menzies Campbell, Nine thousand, eight hundred and seven”
“Daniel Hannan, Ten thousand, seven hundred and twelve”
Graham Watson leant in to David Laws “Let Children lead the way!” he said before joining in the applause.
25th April 2013
Democrat Party HQ
“Man Talk?” Cable asked the Party researcher,
“Yes, Man Talk, apparently he used it to solicit sexual partners”
“Prostitutes?” Cable enquired
“We don’t know,” the researcher said, “but its across most of the papers in one place or another. The door opened and they both turned to it, expecting Simon Hughes to come through, it was Jo Swinson, Mp for Dunbarton and Lanarkshire. “He’s going to resign,”
“He could’ve told us first!” Cable said, rolling his eyes.
“We would’ve got him to anyway, so are you feeling up for it?” Swinson asked, arms folded.
“What do you mean?” Cable asked, looking suddenly up at Swinson.
“The Debates, taking the reins and all that,” he said with a smile which lowered as Cable didn’t reply.
“Its not me, its Lembit, he’s deputy leader,” he said plainly, but hiding disappointment.
“Oh, I suppose so, yes,” Swinson said, trailing off. She finally added. “Is that a good idea?”
“We don’t have much choice really, I know, we pretty much put him there to stop him getting in the way of policy, we never thought Simon would cock up,” he paused at his poor choice of words, “I’m sorry.” Swinson shrugged
“Well he’s popular with young people,” she said positively
“You mean he’s a joke,” Cable replied
“Well, he could take away from the popularity of Icke,” the Democrat’s offer of “a real alternative” to the left and right, even from the increasingly right Liberaltarians but that’d been scuppered badly, the return of David Icke to Green leadership and the Pirates had taken the disgruntled youth vote away from them.
Cable sighed, “Well, yes, and he’s popular on youtube,”