26th September 2011
“They’ve lost the bollocking feed?”
In the glorious world of government media relations, there are few things worse than a bad speech by your client. One of those things is a cross platform blackout.
Alistair Campbell stood at the back of the Conference Hall, angrily wishing that his iPhone had a “wirelessly garrotte Mark Thompson” app. He looked at the monitors again, still showing nothing more than the colour bars.
He swore under his breath, after the past few days, this was probably to be expected. There had been the odd bright spot – David’s speech, Darling trouncing Lamont in the SLAB debate and Fox deciding to walk before being pushed – but fundamentally, the five minutes of Mili Minor speaking to a non-existent television audience seemed an apt metaphor for the conference.
“Nope,” one of the drones was saying, “they’re probably all coked up to the nines or something at Salford.”
Typically, Refounding Labour had been a damp squib. The ShadCab – Shadow Cabinet, he corrected himself – elections had gone, but by a far narrower margin that even the most pessimistic suggestions had hinted at. Liam had been sacked, which had been an attempt by the youngling to shore up his support within the increasingly purple grouping, but Universal Credit was still going ahead, which was probably going to be for the best, no matter how the member for Islingrad North had yelped about crossing the floor.
“…got it!” telibot Mk. 2 suddenly shouted, “Which is a shame, because now three million people are going to be able to see the meltdown.”
“Put a ball gag in it,” Campbell responded, “or I’ll shove something more personal in instead.”
“...which can certainly help us to achieve genuine re – sorry - predistribution of non-portfolio share assets as we move into post-neo-liberal economy…”
“Don’t know about you,” Campbell said to telibot Mk. 3 “but I’m getting a hard-on over this.”
Breaking a promise made fourteen years ago, Campbell decided to do God.
“They’ve lost the bollocking feed?”
In the glorious world of government media relations, there are few things worse than a bad speech by your client. One of those things is a cross platform blackout.
Alistair Campbell stood at the back of the Conference Hall, angrily wishing that his iPhone had a “wirelessly garrotte Mark Thompson” app. He looked at the monitors again, still showing nothing more than the colour bars.
He swore under his breath, after the past few days, this was probably to be expected. There had been the odd bright spot – David’s speech, Darling trouncing Lamont in the SLAB debate and Fox deciding to walk before being pushed – but fundamentally, the five minutes of Mili Minor speaking to a non-existent television audience seemed an apt metaphor for the conference.
“Nope,” one of the drones was saying, “they’re probably all coked up to the nines or something at Salford.”
Typically, Refounding Labour had been a damp squib. The ShadCab – Shadow Cabinet, he corrected himself – elections had gone, but by a far narrower margin that even the most pessimistic suggestions had hinted at. Liam had been sacked, which had been an attempt by the youngling to shore up his support within the increasingly purple grouping, but Universal Credit was still going ahead, which was probably going to be for the best, no matter how the member for Islingrad North had yelped about crossing the floor.
“…got it!” telibot Mk. 2 suddenly shouted, “Which is a shame, because now three million people are going to be able to see the meltdown.”
“Put a ball gag in it,” Campbell responded, “or I’ll shove something more personal in instead.”
“...which can certainly help us to achieve genuine re – sorry - predistribution of non-portfolio share assets as we move into post-neo-liberal economy…”
“Don’t know about you,” Campbell said to telibot Mk. 3 “but I’m getting a hard-on over this.”
Breaking a promise made fourteen years ago, Campbell decided to do God.
Last edited: