OK guys, first of all, this is all in good, light hearted fun. I wanted to start the AH version of Atlanta Nights here:
(http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/AtlantaNights?from=Main.AtlantaNights)
If you guys didn’t know, Atlanta Nights was a joke book written by a group of Sci-Fi writers where they purposely wrote the worst book in the world. If you haven’t read it, I recommend it, because it will bring tears to your eyes, it is that funny. Characters who die in chapter 2 come back in chapter 5. Guys who are 60-years old in chapter 3 are teenagers in chapter 10. You get the drift.
But what about an AH Atlanta Nights? We all love the genre a great deal, and lets be honest, we all have our pet peeves about alternate history (unmentionable sea mammals), so lets put together a collaborative TL that we can all have some fun with.
To be honest, I find the writing on this site to be pretty amazing, so I thought it would be fun to get some of these great writers together to make a totally poorly written (ASB won’t even begin to describe it) TL. Basically something light hearted…something so bad that it is good. The best bad writing always seems to be done by great writers. So with that being said, I think this collaborative TL has a lot of potential on this forum. First, a few ground rules:
1. Just because it is poorly written doesn’t mean you can sneak in anything racist or otherwise banable into this TL. Writing Holocaust denial will not be acceptable regardless of how you try and sell it as part of “badly AH”. This is not an open invitation to write something that would get you banned anywhere else on this site.
2. Let’s not attack any one on this site. I have my critics. You have yours. This is not a forum to attack their TL’s or their writing styles. Something lighthearted and tongue in cheek will be OK (giving Poland Guam, someone throws bananas, Obama gets elected in 2008) but if you have to ask “is this a bit too hard on so-and-so” it probably is.
3. Finally, let’s keep modern politics out of this. This is posted in post-1900 and not chat for a reason.
OK, with that being said, I now introduce to you the first chapter of the worst timeline you will ever read…
CHAPTER ONE
“Yes,” the German dictator said as he rubbed his hands together greedily, like a bank robber who opens the vault door and finds a lot of money and gold that he is going to steal from the poor people and use to buy himself fancy mustards that poor people couldn’t afford, “soon I will be Furor of all of Europe!”
“Excpet for Italy,” the pudgy Italian dictator said from his table, where he was eating spaghetti with meetballs and drinking wine and eating bread as he ate spaghetti with meetballs, “we will rule all of southern Europe and Africa!”
“Ugh,” the Furor said with a wave of his hand, “what ever you say Benito.”
Adolph Hitler stood triumphintalee as he watched the giant drill, which he called ‘Kaiser Drill’, as it drilled into the ground near where he was standing at the shore of the beech where France ended and the ocean began since on the other side of the ocean was England, the last country that dared to stand up to his diabolical plan to conquer the world including Papua New Guinea. The English had proved difficult with their stupid president, Winston Churchill, and his stupid air force. But how can you’re airforce help you when the army is coming from underground? Hitler thought and then let out an evil laugh.
“My ninjas will be of great assistance with this operation,” the tiny Japanese man said as he emerged from the shadows, “soon the English will learn the power of the Japanese ninja!”
“Emporor Hirohito,” the Furor said with a grin, “together we will destroy all of England! Your Japanese technology has helped us build the Kaiser Drill, which I have put here in France and which I will drill under the English Channel to surprise the English when they see a million German stormtroopers and a million Japanese ninjas invade their country! Then their presious Royal Navy and Royal Air force will be meaningless!”
“Yes,” Emporor Hirohito said with an evil laugh, “I always wanted to conquer England. I will take Scotland to be part of Japan, and you can have the rest of England.”
“No!” the Furor said with a yell, “it will all be mine! I want it all!”
The Japnese Emporor looks mad at the statement, but he bit his tung. He had something special planned for Furor Hitler when they got to England. But first they had to get there.
“As you wish,” Hirohito said.
“I wish to have Whales,” the Italian dictator said as he ate spaghetti with meetballs at the table where he was eating his dinner, “if we are deviding England up, then I want Whales.”
The German Furor waved his hand dismissavly at the Italian dictator.
“They laughed at me,” the German dictator said with an evil laugh, “they told me Operation Sea Lion would never work. But little did they know I had another plan, an evin more evil plan. Operation Sea Gopher!”
The Italian dictator, who was eating spaghetti with meetballs, stood up from the table where his spaghetti with meetballs were being eaten. Do not forget that the Italian Army will be assisting you with this operation he said.
“My Furor!” the young German girl said as she ran out of the room where the telephones were, “you have a phone call!”
“Who is it?” the Furor asked the pretty young girl with pretty blue eyes and blonde hair and a unibrow. “who would dare call me on the eve of Operation Sea Gopher?”
“it is the emperor of Japan,” she said as she handed the German dictator the phone, “he is calling from Tokyo. He wants to know if you have enough ninjas.”
“Ah, yes,” the Furor said with a smile as he took the phone from the pretty young girl with blue eyes and blonde hair and a unibrow, “I must take this call.”
“Excuse me” the furor said to the pretty young girl with the blue eyes and blonde hair and the unibrow and to the itlaian dictator who was easting his dinner of spaghetti and meetballs at the table where he also was drinking wine and thinking about how much he wanted to smooch with the pretty young girl except he didn’t really like her unibrow and thought she should shave it although he thought it would make a really nice moustashe if she were a man.
“Of course my Furor,” the girl said as the Italian dictator purred at her pretty voice with sounded like the most beautiful songs of his homeland of Sicily.
“What is your name?” the Italian dictator asked the girl.
“My name is Frau. What is your name?”
“My name is Benito Mussolini,” Benito Mussolini said, “and I am the douche of Italy!”
“Wow!” Frau said, “I never met a douche before!”
“Well you have just met the world’s biggest douche now!” Mussolini said as he puffed up his chest proudly, “even bigger than your Furor!”
“Even bigger than my Furor?”
“Even bigger than your Furor. I am douche of Italy, and Albania, and Ethiopia, and Liberia, and soon I will be the douche of whales.”
“But I thought my Furor would be furor of all of England?” Frau said confusedly.
“Let me show you something deer girl,” Musolini said as he took Frau’s hand and led her to the beech. They walked far from the hole where Adolph Hitler’s giant hole was.
“Where are you taking me my douche?” Frau said nervously, “I am not that kind of girl.”
“Don’t worry my beautiful Frau,” Mussolini said as he sneezed because of his allergies, “I have something to show you.”
Suddenly Frau dropped to the sand. She could belevie what she was seeing upon. Could it be, could the Italian douche really be doing this?
“My deer, your furor will arrive in England, butt it will be too late.” Mussolini said as he pointed to the giant bridge that his Liberian workers were building, “because the Italian Army will have already arrived across this bridge. Your Furor thinks Operation Sea Gopher will give him England, but little does he know that Operation Sea Beaver will get the Italians they're first!”
(http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/AtlantaNights?from=Main.AtlantaNights)
If you guys didn’t know, Atlanta Nights was a joke book written by a group of Sci-Fi writers where they purposely wrote the worst book in the world. If you haven’t read it, I recommend it, because it will bring tears to your eyes, it is that funny. Characters who die in chapter 2 come back in chapter 5. Guys who are 60-years old in chapter 3 are teenagers in chapter 10. You get the drift.
But what about an AH Atlanta Nights? We all love the genre a great deal, and lets be honest, we all have our pet peeves about alternate history (unmentionable sea mammals), so lets put together a collaborative TL that we can all have some fun with.
To be honest, I find the writing on this site to be pretty amazing, so I thought it would be fun to get some of these great writers together to make a totally poorly written (ASB won’t even begin to describe it) TL. Basically something light hearted…something so bad that it is good. The best bad writing always seems to be done by great writers. So with that being said, I think this collaborative TL has a lot of potential on this forum. First, a few ground rules:
1. Just because it is poorly written doesn’t mean you can sneak in anything racist or otherwise banable into this TL. Writing Holocaust denial will not be acceptable regardless of how you try and sell it as part of “badly AH”. This is not an open invitation to write something that would get you banned anywhere else on this site.
2. Let’s not attack any one on this site. I have my critics. You have yours. This is not a forum to attack their TL’s or their writing styles. Something lighthearted and tongue in cheek will be OK (giving Poland Guam, someone throws bananas, Obama gets elected in 2008) but if you have to ask “is this a bit too hard on so-and-so” it probably is.
3. Finally, let’s keep modern politics out of this. This is posted in post-1900 and not chat for a reason.
OK, with that being said, I now introduce to you the first chapter of the worst timeline you will ever read…
CHAPTER ONE
“Yes,” the German dictator said as he rubbed his hands together greedily, like a bank robber who opens the vault door and finds a lot of money and gold that he is going to steal from the poor people and use to buy himself fancy mustards that poor people couldn’t afford, “soon I will be Furor of all of Europe!”
“Excpet for Italy,” the pudgy Italian dictator said from his table, where he was eating spaghetti with meetballs and drinking wine and eating bread as he ate spaghetti with meetballs, “we will rule all of southern Europe and Africa!”
“Ugh,” the Furor said with a wave of his hand, “what ever you say Benito.”
Adolph Hitler stood triumphintalee as he watched the giant drill, which he called ‘Kaiser Drill’, as it drilled into the ground near where he was standing at the shore of the beech where France ended and the ocean began since on the other side of the ocean was England, the last country that dared to stand up to his diabolical plan to conquer the world including Papua New Guinea. The English had proved difficult with their stupid president, Winston Churchill, and his stupid air force. But how can you’re airforce help you when the army is coming from underground? Hitler thought and then let out an evil laugh.
“My ninjas will be of great assistance with this operation,” the tiny Japanese man said as he emerged from the shadows, “soon the English will learn the power of the Japanese ninja!”
“Emporor Hirohito,” the Furor said with a grin, “together we will destroy all of England! Your Japanese technology has helped us build the Kaiser Drill, which I have put here in France and which I will drill under the English Channel to surprise the English when they see a million German stormtroopers and a million Japanese ninjas invade their country! Then their presious Royal Navy and Royal Air force will be meaningless!”
“Yes,” Emporor Hirohito said with an evil laugh, “I always wanted to conquer England. I will take Scotland to be part of Japan, and you can have the rest of England.”
“No!” the Furor said with a yell, “it will all be mine! I want it all!”
The Japnese Emporor looks mad at the statement, but he bit his tung. He had something special planned for Furor Hitler when they got to England. But first they had to get there.
“As you wish,” Hirohito said.
“I wish to have Whales,” the Italian dictator said as he ate spaghetti with meetballs at the table where he was eating his dinner, “if we are deviding England up, then I want Whales.”
The German Furor waved his hand dismissavly at the Italian dictator.
“They laughed at me,” the German dictator said with an evil laugh, “they told me Operation Sea Lion would never work. But little did they know I had another plan, an evin more evil plan. Operation Sea Gopher!”
The Italian dictator, who was eating spaghetti with meetballs, stood up from the table where his spaghetti with meetballs were being eaten. Do not forget that the Italian Army will be assisting you with this operation he said.
“My Furor!” the young German girl said as she ran out of the room where the telephones were, “you have a phone call!”
“Who is it?” the Furor asked the pretty young girl with pretty blue eyes and blonde hair and a unibrow. “who would dare call me on the eve of Operation Sea Gopher?”
“it is the emperor of Japan,” she said as she handed the German dictator the phone, “he is calling from Tokyo. He wants to know if you have enough ninjas.”
“Ah, yes,” the Furor said with a smile as he took the phone from the pretty young girl with blue eyes and blonde hair and a unibrow, “I must take this call.”
“Excuse me” the furor said to the pretty young girl with the blue eyes and blonde hair and the unibrow and to the itlaian dictator who was easting his dinner of spaghetti and meetballs at the table where he also was drinking wine and thinking about how much he wanted to smooch with the pretty young girl except he didn’t really like her unibrow and thought she should shave it although he thought it would make a really nice moustashe if she were a man.
“Of course my Furor,” the girl said as the Italian dictator purred at her pretty voice with sounded like the most beautiful songs of his homeland of Sicily.
“What is your name?” the Italian dictator asked the girl.
“My name is Frau. What is your name?”
“My name is Benito Mussolini,” Benito Mussolini said, “and I am the douche of Italy!”
“Wow!” Frau said, “I never met a douche before!”
“Well you have just met the world’s biggest douche now!” Mussolini said as he puffed up his chest proudly, “even bigger than your Furor!”
“Even bigger than my Furor?”
“Even bigger than your Furor. I am douche of Italy, and Albania, and Ethiopia, and Liberia, and soon I will be the douche of whales.”
“But I thought my Furor would be furor of all of England?” Frau said confusedly.
“Let me show you something deer girl,” Musolini said as he took Frau’s hand and led her to the beech. They walked far from the hole where Adolph Hitler’s giant hole was.
“Where are you taking me my douche?” Frau said nervously, “I am not that kind of girl.”
“Don’t worry my beautiful Frau,” Mussolini said as he sneezed because of his allergies, “I have something to show you.”
Suddenly Frau dropped to the sand. She could belevie what she was seeing upon. Could it be, could the Italian douche really be doing this?
“My deer, your furor will arrive in England, butt it will be too late.” Mussolini said as he pointed to the giant bridge that his Liberian workers were building, “because the Italian Army will have already arrived across this bridge. Your Furor thinks Operation Sea Gopher will give him England, but little does he know that Operation Sea Beaver will get the Italians they're first!”
