Could you make a version in actual English so that we have an easier time understanding what the fuck it's trying to say?
Here's a translation:
Former head of British Empire Quincy was captured by the constables of the English police in the northern province of Leeds. The operation comes after days of the attempt coup against the British Empire. The warmonger, who comes from New England, has been the primary responsible person for the continued warfare and destruction against the American people. With the removal of this President, it understood is to be a positive development for the frontline, as the new leader of the British, Julis Gillard, has agreed to our diplomats' aims of a ceasefire.
Just several days prior, the warmonger had been known as the Lord President Quincy and commanded all of the British Empire. After attempting a coup d'état against the state, he was defeated in quick order by the forces of reason within the British Empire. It is known that his person alone was the responsibility for the ongoing warfare between our countries too.
The chase for the deposed warmonger was swift. He escaped London North by private car, able to escape in being masked by the nighttime, and chaos of traffic across the country. Communications had suffered from the issues caused by his shuttering of the power, something Americans are all too used to, and had used those issues to escape further and further from the national capital.
From the private car, he was supposed to have been able to escape to a home of a lord friend. From there he continued in traveling with those persons to escape further to the north of the country. It was not until just earlier he had been spotted by a patron of a bar seeing him in the upper window of a small building of the unassuming town of Leeds in the northern province.
The constables of the northern English police division were to the scene with haste. It was a goal to ensure that Quincy was captured without harm or wounds, unlike the attempt they had of the Napoleon who had escaped to Europe.
The Chairman noted in an interview with the Cincinnati Gazette that the new developments were "positive," and that all Americans should embrace this new change. He did note that it would not yet be possible to project to the end of the warfare and fighting, he had to say, "I want all Americans to know that the sacrifices made have not been in vain, that we can move forward, to a new future, a future without this violence, a new American future."
Across the United States, thousands rejoice for the capture of Quincy. For a man to have caused damage on a massive scale, it understandably is to have the outpouring of support for his end. Many Americans have simply begun to look towards the spring, a hopeful future without the possibilities of large scape warfare, to continue to build the country once more. There is abundant hope that an agreement towards peace has been cleared, a peace which be greeted warmly, even when the offerings are considered cold.
