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The Main Event
A TLIALW by Yes


‘Ere, what’s all this then?

Oh, God. You’re a Brit, aren’t you.

Well, you’ve lived there at stretches – and not in one of those chi-chi American enclaves. You’ve studied the history at a professional level. You’ve lived as one with the cultural to-and-fro: you know who all those obscure political figures are, you worship at the feet of the late Sir Terry Pratchett, and you own more Ian Dury (with or without the Blockheads) than any other American you know. You have eaten at more than one Little Chef. You could pick out John Peel’s voice instantly. You miss The Fast Show. You remember when Boris bloody Johnson was just mildly pompous on Have I Got News For You. You take your Ribena straight. You get the “Yorkshire Airlines” sketch in its particulars, for God’s sake.

(Sighs audibly) I knew all that would come back to bite me eventually.

Well, the cheeseburger at that McDonald’s in Lincolnshire during the BSE epidemic was probably a poor choice in retrospect, as well. But for whatever congeries of reasons, here I am to speed you on your way.

But this isn’t a British timeline.

No?

No. It’s an American one, going back to my lifetime roots as the child of a political scientist, and not all that wildly ambitious either. It just has a central conceit.

Which is, pray tell?

That in each presidential election cycle from the (double-barreled) point of departure, all or at least most of each party’s heavy hitters come to the party (from the opposition party against an incumbent, in a both-sides free for all if there’s a vacancy.) No ducking out or waiting for another cycle. Just a moderately different history: moderately – there are tendencies and macroeconomic cycles that are broadly similar, but there are some specifics that are quite different. Mostly it’s a chance to say “hi world” to TL writing with what I hope is a mildly interesting American politics timeline –

Because Lord knows there aren’t enough of those about…

… fair point – in order to write that mildly interesting American politics timeline out of my system so I can get on at some point with The Big Project in the next month or two.

So what’s a TLIALW when it’s at home?

A Timeline In A Little While. Nearly all of it’s drafted already, back when I thought it would just be a list in the Alternate PMs or Presidents thread and before it just kept growing like everything I write. So I can’t quite data-dump it all as a TLIAD (which would be cheating anyway and bug my conscience) but I should be able to get a lot of it out quickly these couple of days where work schedule permits and then dribble the rest out over a week or so, maybe less.

That’s a surprisingly rational approach from the land of hyperbole and shallow excess.

That’s a generous comment from the land of seasonal affective disorder self-medicated with lashings of tea, alcohol, and petty sarcasm.

Well played.

Thank you.

Tumingin ako inaabangan ang panahon na pagbabasa na ito

JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST WHAT WAS did I just have a mild stroke?

Not at all. Just thought I should say I look forward to this in a foreign language. I am an anthropomorphic-manifestation-of-forum-conventions of parts, you know.

And that was… ?

Tagalog.

We’ve got one of those attached to my wife’s bike for our youngest daughter.

Not “tagalong,” you berk. Tagalog, the…

…primary local language of the Philippines along with English and Spanish, yes I get that. I was just winding you up.

I see. Well. See if I show up infesting your frontal lobes as a matter of custom, then…

I’m sure we can work something out. In the meanwhile, why don’t we get on with this little maiden speech of mine.

Sounds sensible. Shall I brew up?

Just herbal for me, caffeine and I don’t get along anymore. But ta very much. Let’s get on with the show, and thanks for coming.

Cheers then.

Let’s cut to a scene that really was a clash of titans IOTL…
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