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The Greatest Ever Devised



Sanananda Track, New Guinea, sometime in December of 1942.

Or was it January already?
Fuck. What day is it ???


Ham and lima beans. Again.

Private Todd MacGregor [1], US Army National Guard, took a moment to savor his sense of disgust and indignation. And to think, he had dropped out of the University of Michigan to enlist!

But then a subtle noise to his left interrupted this reverie and his head snapped towards it.

Jesus Christ, a Jap! [2] Frozen mid-stride in the growing twilight not twenty yards from him was an 8th Area Army soldier, hunched with a wad of foliage covering his helmet and backpack, and a bayonetted Arisaka held before him, hoping that the tall grass still concealed him in the waxing light. But then their eyes met and the Japanese soldier’s face immediately grimaced in a rictus of hate as he bellowed a banzai and charged, all pretense of stealth now discarded.

MacGregor dropped the ham and lima beans into his own lap as he stood and snatched his M1 Garand to his shoulder. By now the Jap was close enough that he could hardly miss as he snap-shot three rounds and the Jap fell on his face in an undignified heap. Damn, that was close! But now MacGregor could see them- five more IJA troops now charging from the green wall. [3] Further to his right and left dozens of other infiltrating IJA squads were breaking cover in a charge and he could hear his brothers-in-arms, warned by his shots, opening fire.

He also began firing again almost as quickly as he could pull the trigger, ignoring the rear peep and simply sighting down the barrel of his rifle, too occupied to remember to squat lower into his foxhole. Seven more shots! Seven, before the en bloc clip ejected with a ping! And four Japs were down- some still moving, but down. And yet there was the fifth still in full sprint toward him with that ridiculously long, wicked bayonet swaying with his stride! MacGregor's vision tunneled down to the tip of that bayonet as it sought his life. The en bloc clips that he had stuck to his rifle sling had fallen off and after a moment of fumbling for them he switched to pulling one off of his belt. He wasn't going to be in time! The Jap was almost on him, the bayonet aimed at his ribs! MacGregor dropped the clip and made ready to parry- but a shot rang out from the left and the Jap slammed into MacGregor, knocking both of them back into the hole. He shoved the Jap's face away, and the other man released his final, gurgling breath. MacGregor began frantically checking himself.

"Hey Mac, are you okay?"

Then, among the tangle of limbs and rifles, he saw it- the Japanese bayonet, rammed impotently into the wall of the foxhole.

"Yeah!" A deep breath, "Yeah, I think I'm okay."


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[1] Totally fictional.

[2] I'm just using the (admittedly offensive) jargon of the day, here, so please spare me any knee-jerk accusations of racism that may be floating around out there.

[3] I don't think that the "green wall" was ever actually called that until the later Cold-War tropical insurgencies, so McGregor isn't thinking this verbatim- I'm just using it to be understood.
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