Deleted member 5719
Following on from the pagan Ireland thread, here's a teaser for a possible new timeline
The Dagda and the three Saints
Well, during the time Lóegairos maqui Néilli was the big man at Tara, and so in charge of all holy rites and rituals a body would associate with that position, there came a ship to Ireland.
And the ship was as fast a thing as you’d want to see: So fast it was, that it jumped from the top of one wave to the next without hardly getting wet.
And the ship was as big a thing as you’d want to see: So big it was, that the sea monsters and leviathans would leap out of its way, for fear of getting crushed like a dog by a chariot.
And the ship was as rich a thing as you’d want to see: So rich it was, that its hull was made of gold, its ropes were wound from silver wire, and its cess buckets were cut from giant emeralds and rubies.
Sure, it was a wonderful ship altogether! For as well as all this it had no need for sails, it had just three great golden crosses to make it go so awful fast.
As you’re after knowing about this wonderful ship, it’ll not surprise you at all when I tell you that it took it just the time it takes to boil three eggs to come across the sea from Britain. Though to this day, nobody knows if the eggs were boiled one after the other, or all at the same time.
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Well, when this boat landed at Lùghos, three gods got off it, eating their boiled eggs. But mark you now, these were not gods of Ireland, they were gods of the Christians, which are called Saints.
The first of them was called Saint Catroicos, or Patricius to his countrymen. He had the power over snakes.
The second of them was called Saint Jesus. He had the power over water.
The third of them was called Saint Devil. He had the power over fire.
Now, the Saints wanted the Irish to worship them instead of the Tuatha Dea Dananna, so they got to doing all kinds of magic to make everybody forsake their own gods.
Saint Catroicos did three unruly acts, which were: Chasing away the snakes from Ireland, so they could not give advice to our magicians. Stealing the voice of the druid Cartinos, by making shamrocks grow out of his mouth. Tempting noblewomen to wed Saint Jesus, despite him being impotent due to a spear wound.
Saint Jesus did three acts of bribery. He promised free wine to those who worshipped him, and fulfilled his promise by turning his urine into wine. He brought back to life the daughter of the Dovinias after she was sacrificed to Brigita. He walked across Lough Neagh to bring a fish dinner to the Avi Neill.
Saint devil did three acts of temptation and extortion. He offered the world to the Cruithne. He threatened to burn the men of Kil Erani. He offered the throne of Tara to Aillilos Macqui Nathi.
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One day the Dagda sickened of seeing these saints and their impious ways, and so he disguised himself as an old man and went to visit their church at Armagh. They were up the front of the church ranting and cutting bits of their flesh off to feed their hungry flock. The Christians were quite wild for it and were running around in the blood of Saint Jesus and rutting like dogs while they fought over the scraps of their gods’ bodies.
The Dagda stood quietly at the back of the church for a few minutes, disgusted by the ritual. Then Saint Devil noticed him.
‘You at the back,’ Said the great horned man. ‘Why are you not joining in the mass?’
For mass is what the Christians call their festival.
‘Oh, no.’ Said the Dagda. ‘I was just wondering to myself which of you saints was the stupidest and most pathetic. I doubt any one of you could even kill an old man like me.’
The gods began to rage at the old man, but he stilled them with a wave of his hand.
‘Now, I’ve decided. Catroicos, you are the most pathetic.’
Enraged, Catroicus used all his powers to conjure a plague of ten thousand snakes, who crawled towards the Dagda, as the Christians screamed in fear.
‘Devil, you are the next most pathetic.’
Saint Devil shrieked with rage and poured fire towards the Dagda, but there were so many snakes in the way that he was as safe as a swaddled babe. The furious saint used up all his powers, but to no avail, all he’d done was make a bonfire of Catroicos’ snakes.
‘And then it is you Jesus, a little stronger than your daft wee buddies, but an impotent fool nonetheless.’
So Jesus too rose to Dagda’s bait and sent a torrent of water which put out the snakefire nicely.
Dagda laughed and stepped back into his own appearance, a great golden beautiful naked man, and he said to the Christian gods.
‘Now Saints, I’ll show you how you should have done it.’
First he sent water to put out Saint Devil’s fire. Then he sent snakes to kill Saint Jesus’ power in the water. Then he sent fire to burn Catroicos like a snake.
So after this was seen by everyone, all but the stupidest Christians came back to the true religion, and the Saints’ bodies were thrown in a pit in Armagh and forgotten, apart from a hidden stone which bears the mark of a fish, a flame and a snake so the druids can find the place of the three gods’ death.
And that is why even today, children play snake, fire, water to decide who gets the biggest apple or goes first in the game of leaping.
From Book of Bards. Cerca 1250.
The Dagda and the three Saints
Well, during the time Lóegairos maqui Néilli was the big man at Tara, and so in charge of all holy rites and rituals a body would associate with that position, there came a ship to Ireland.
And the ship was as fast a thing as you’d want to see: So fast it was, that it jumped from the top of one wave to the next without hardly getting wet.
And the ship was as big a thing as you’d want to see: So big it was, that the sea monsters and leviathans would leap out of its way, for fear of getting crushed like a dog by a chariot.
And the ship was as rich a thing as you’d want to see: So rich it was, that its hull was made of gold, its ropes were wound from silver wire, and its cess buckets were cut from giant emeralds and rubies.
Sure, it was a wonderful ship altogether! For as well as all this it had no need for sails, it had just three great golden crosses to make it go so awful fast.
As you’re after knowing about this wonderful ship, it’ll not surprise you at all when I tell you that it took it just the time it takes to boil three eggs to come across the sea from Britain. Though to this day, nobody knows if the eggs were boiled one after the other, or all at the same time.
********************************************************************************************
Well, when this boat landed at Lùghos, three gods got off it, eating their boiled eggs. But mark you now, these were not gods of Ireland, they were gods of the Christians, which are called Saints.
The first of them was called Saint Catroicos, or Patricius to his countrymen. He had the power over snakes.
The second of them was called Saint Jesus. He had the power over water.
The third of them was called Saint Devil. He had the power over fire.
Now, the Saints wanted the Irish to worship them instead of the Tuatha Dea Dananna, so they got to doing all kinds of magic to make everybody forsake their own gods.
Saint Catroicos did three unruly acts, which were: Chasing away the snakes from Ireland, so they could not give advice to our magicians. Stealing the voice of the druid Cartinos, by making shamrocks grow out of his mouth. Tempting noblewomen to wed Saint Jesus, despite him being impotent due to a spear wound.
Saint Jesus did three acts of bribery. He promised free wine to those who worshipped him, and fulfilled his promise by turning his urine into wine. He brought back to life the daughter of the Dovinias after she was sacrificed to Brigita. He walked across Lough Neagh to bring a fish dinner to the Avi Neill.
Saint devil did three acts of temptation and extortion. He offered the world to the Cruithne. He threatened to burn the men of Kil Erani. He offered the throne of Tara to Aillilos Macqui Nathi.
************************************************************************************************
One day the Dagda sickened of seeing these saints and their impious ways, and so he disguised himself as an old man and went to visit their church at Armagh. They were up the front of the church ranting and cutting bits of their flesh off to feed their hungry flock. The Christians were quite wild for it and were running around in the blood of Saint Jesus and rutting like dogs while they fought over the scraps of their gods’ bodies.
The Dagda stood quietly at the back of the church for a few minutes, disgusted by the ritual. Then Saint Devil noticed him.
‘You at the back,’ Said the great horned man. ‘Why are you not joining in the mass?’
For mass is what the Christians call their festival.
‘Oh, no.’ Said the Dagda. ‘I was just wondering to myself which of you saints was the stupidest and most pathetic. I doubt any one of you could even kill an old man like me.’
The gods began to rage at the old man, but he stilled them with a wave of his hand.
‘Now, I’ve decided. Catroicos, you are the most pathetic.’
Enraged, Catroicus used all his powers to conjure a plague of ten thousand snakes, who crawled towards the Dagda, as the Christians screamed in fear.
‘Devil, you are the next most pathetic.’
Saint Devil shrieked with rage and poured fire towards the Dagda, but there were so many snakes in the way that he was as safe as a swaddled babe. The furious saint used up all his powers, but to no avail, all he’d done was make a bonfire of Catroicos’ snakes.
‘And then it is you Jesus, a little stronger than your daft wee buddies, but an impotent fool nonetheless.’
So Jesus too rose to Dagda’s bait and sent a torrent of water which put out the snakefire nicely.
Dagda laughed and stepped back into his own appearance, a great golden beautiful naked man, and he said to the Christian gods.
‘Now Saints, I’ll show you how you should have done it.’
First he sent water to put out Saint Devil’s fire. Then he sent snakes to kill Saint Jesus’ power in the water. Then he sent fire to burn Catroicos like a snake.
So after this was seen by everyone, all but the stupidest Christians came back to the true religion, and the Saints’ bodies were thrown in a pit in Armagh and forgotten, apart from a hidden stone which bears the mark of a fish, a flame and a snake so the druids can find the place of the three gods’ death.
And that is why even today, children play snake, fire, water to decide who gets the biggest apple or goes first in the game of leaping.
From Book of Bards. Cerca 1250.
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. Keep it up.