Terrorists Take The BBC Hostage

According to http://www.johannhari.com/archive/article.php?id=1324 :

JH: Can you tell us about how you came to be ravaged by the lesbians?

SL: (Roars with laughter) We were about to go on air with the Six O’Clock News – this is exactly twenty years ago now – and I was checking through my notes. I could hear a lot of shouting fro the gallery in my earpiece but there’s nothing surprising about that – that’s live news – when suddenly the door to the studio burst open.

JH: The lesbians!

SL: Well, I thought they were men. They were bloody big and dressed in combat gear and waving handcuffs. They dived at the cameras, and the music for the six o’clock news came up. And I thought: this is it. We’re going to be kidnapped. We’re destined for a cellar in Beirut. God knows how I thought they were going to get us out of the sixth floor of TV centre and to Beirut, but you don’t think rationally in a situation like that. Fear knows no logic.

So, what if Sue Lawley's fear was right and a bunch of BBC people arwe kidnapped and held hostage by terrorists, either on live television or somewhere else? What happens?
 
Kidnapped by militant Lebanese lesbians? :p

I like this bit, btw:

JH: You were incredibly calm. You just politely say, “We’ve rather had an invasion in the studio, so apologies for any disruption,” and just carry on. Is it true Nicholas Witchell sat on the lesbians?
 
Kidnapped by militant Lebanese lesbians? :p

I like this bit, btw:

Sure, why not? Would they be from Lezbollah? :p

Also, full interview with Sue Lawley here:

JH: Can you tell us about how you came to be ravaged by the lesbians?

SL: (Roars with laughter) We were about to go on air with the Six O’Clock News – this is exactly twenty years ago now – and I was checking through my notes. I could hear a lot of shouting fro the gallery in my earpiece but there’s nothing surprising about that – that’s live news – when suddenly the door to the studio burst open.

JH: The lesbians!

SL: Well, I thought they were men. They were bloody big and dressed in combat gear and waving handcuffs. They dived at the cameras, and the music for the six o’clock news came up. And I thought: this is it. We’re going to be kidnapped. We’re destined for a cellar in Beirut. God knows how I thought they were going to get us out of the sixth floor of TV centre and to Beirut, but you don’t think rationally in a situation like that. Fear knows no logic.

JH: So what did you do as the theme music ended?

SL: One of the lesbians handcuffed herself to the leg of my chair, and the other one to the camera, and I heard them yell “Stop Section 28! Stop Thatcher!” And I remembered that a few weeks before some lesbian protestors had tried to get into the chamber of the House of Commons, and I realised what was happening. And I thought: well, all I can do is keep the show on the air. Ten million people are watching. Read the news.

JH: You were incredibly calm. You just politely say, “We’ve rather had an invasion in the studio, so apologies for any disruption,” and just carry on.

SL: Yes, I am rather BBC in that respect. Prim and proper. We had a big news story that day – Reagan and Gorbachev had met – and I had a bloody long introduction about it. Normally you just had a few sentences, but this went on forever – the East said, the West said… And the lesbians were screaming.

JH: Is it true Nicholas Witchell sat on the lesbians?

SL: Oh yes. The one that was handcuffed to my chair kept bobbing up into my shot – I could see her on the monitor – as I read the news. And then I realised that her head had disappeared and her shouts had become muffled. So I peeked over and Nicholas Witchell had straddled the lesbian and was gagging her with his hand, kind of bobbing and gagging. It was all happening about two inches from my left elbow. Then I peeked to my right and saw four senior BBC executives in their suits just staring at us all open-mouthed.

JH: How long did it go on for?

SL: Well, eventually I got through this introduction and we cut to the video and the security guards took the lesbians out. They had to take out the camera and the chair they were cuffed to, leaving me with just one camera to do the whole bulletin. I realise now they must have had some help within the BBC to get that far. To get through security and even to find that studio – TV Centre is a real labyrinth, and we were in the middle of the sixth floor – at just the right time… there was a BBC mole there. That night I got home and saw on the news that the lesbians liked me. They said I had been very cool, and they were impressed. It was my fifteen minutes of fame as a gay icon.

JH: Looking back, do you think there was something brave about what they did?

SL: Of course there was. Absolutely. They wanted to get publicity about Section 28, and they did. The next day, the Sun headline was: “Beeb man sits on lesbian.”

JH: Sue, may you reign forever as a gay icon…
 
I now have the urge to be a BBC newscaster...

Okay--just to be serious--first: how do our terrorists get our BBC guys out of London onto Lebanon?
 
I now have the urge to be a BBC newscaster...

Okay--just to be serious--first: how do our terrorists get our BBC guys out of London onto Lebanon?

Even if this is before the dawn of the information age, I still think it's almost impossible to for some terrorists to spirit the BBC newspeople away to Lebanon (unless they have the VERY direct aid of some foreign government). Especially if they're going to do this during a live newscast. So, I doubt that this would be a kidnapping operation.

Most likely, this would be a hostage standoff, with the terrorists demanding some sort of political concessions or the freeing of some of their jailed comrades in exchange for the release of the newspeople. If the terrorists are feeling especially impetuous, they may threaten to kill hostages on camera.

Needless to say, this would be a very high pressure situation for the British government to deal with. The terrorists will have own de facto live feed straight to the British public, and if people do end up getting hurt or killed on camera, it will be huge psychological blow. The UK of this TL will start to resemble post 9/11 America in many ways. And since this all is taking place before the era of political correctness, the reprisal against Muslims will probably be more extreme.
 

Hashasheen

Banned
According to http://www.johannhari.com/archive/article.php?id=1324 :

JH: Can you tell us about how you came to be ravaged by the lesbians?

SL: (Roars with laughter) We were about to go on air with the Six O’Clock News – this is exactly twenty years ago now – and I was checking through my notes. I could hear a lot of shouting fro the gallery in my earpiece but there’s nothing surprising about that – that’s live news – when suddenly the door to the studio burst open.

JH: The lesbians!

SL: Well, I thought they were men. They were bloody big and dressed in combat gear and waving handcuffs. They dived at the cameras, and the music for the six o’clock news came up. And I thought: this is it. We’re going to be kidnapped. We’re destined for a cellar in Beirut. God knows how I thought they were going to get us out of the sixth floor of TV centre and to Beirut, but you don’t think rationally in a situation like that. Fear knows no logic.

So, what if Sue Lawley's fear was right and a bunch of BBC people arwe kidnapped and held hostage by terrorists, either on live television or somewhere else? What happens?
.......

Puget, you're on my list.
 
I was a bit dissapointed by this thread, I was hoping for one where they spirited the entire BBC building away to the Middle East....:D
 
This was brought up memorably on 'Have I Got News For You' :)

'It's reported that Nicholas Witchell sat on one of the lesbians. If she wasn't a lesbian before then, she definitely is now.'
 
I was a bit dissapointed by this thread, I was hoping for one where they spirited the entire BBC building away to the Middle East....:D

I can imagine:

"And we've got breaking news that terrorists have somehow managed to uproot the BBC and place it down somewhere in the middle eastern desert. The director of the BBC has been quite pleased, as this negates all the budget concerns over their remake of Arabian nights and new episodes of Doctor Who. Negotiations are pending."
 
I can imagine:

"And we've got breaking news that terrorists have somehow managed to uproot the BBC and place it down somewhere in the middle eastern desert. The director of the BBC has been quite pleased, as this negates all the budget concerns over their remake of Arabian nights and new episodes of Doctor Who. Negotiations are pending."


Hmmm...

The Arabian Nights of Doctor Who....
Now that's a series that could go places...!! :D
 
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