Anybody else mention that the French sending all that manpower across the Atlantic is a big 'ol invitation to Willie II (a man with a perpetual boner for war) to send the Heer on a sight seeing excursion...to The Channel?
What a BRILLIANT war for France to dive into!
"Hey! Let's go join up with the Brits to beat up the Americans!"
"Um, Germans?"
"No, no! This all happens in a vacuum, you see; while the rest of the world is on pause, the British and us, we can do ANYTHING without needing to worry about ANYTHING!"
"Um, that's still doesn't change the fact that there's millions of Germans eager to kick our asses and take more of our land, now led by a Kaiser who practically blows a load every time he thinks about fighting a war. Y'know, establishing Mitteleurop, attaining his empire's 'place in the sun'?"
"No! No! No! We're protected by the vacuum that everything we do occurs in!"
"Uh, I don't think the Germans see it that way..."
Meanwhile, in Britain...
Marquess of Salisbury: "And there you have it:
The Vacuum sealed, we and our French allies go cross the pond, whip the Yanks and etc...etc... Can I get a 'Rule Britannia!'?"
[Assembled War Planners]:
"RULE BRITANNIA!"
Nigel: "Pardon me, Sir, but, with most of our military resources tied up in the Atlantic and North America, what do we do if the Russians move to expand their sphere of influence in China? Or the Punjabs revolt? Or the Boers-"
Salisbury: "Look, it's all right here in the plan!
'War Plan Vacuum'! The Russians won't do a bloody thing! They
can't!"
Nigel: "Why not, Sir?"
Salisbury: "Because they
can't!"
Nigel: "Yes, but I'm trying to understand
why they can't. Has the Tsar agreed to some sort of secret treaty?"
Salisbury: "No."
Nigel: "Did we buy them off?"
Salisbury: "No."
Nigel: "Are we fomenting a revolution in Russia that will tie his hands?"
Salisbury: "No, dammit! Everything we do will happen in
a vacuum! Nobody else can act as if we've made a terrible strategic mishap! We
cannot lose!"
Nigel: "I see...tell me, Sir, is Ireland in this 'Vacuum'?"
Salisbury: "No need to worry about the Fenian swine, I assure you, they won't do anything.
They LOVE us!"
Nigel: "Not the impression I get from them."
Salisbury: "
The Vacuum, Man! I keep telling you:
NOBODY will do
ANYTHING because all of this occurs in
a vacuum!
NOTHING can go wrong! To prove this point, I'm going to put the barrel of this loaded revolver in my mouth and pull the trigger!"
Nigel: "Sir, I would suggest against that!!! Has he been using cocaine again?!"
Melchett: "Relax, Nigel, we're in
The Vacuum! Nothing can hurt any of-"
*BLAM*
*THUD*
Nigel: "MY
GOD!!!"
Melchett: "Not to worry, Nigel, I'm sure the Marquess will be good as new in a few days!"
Nigel:
"HIS BLOODY BRAINS ARE SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE WALL, YOU TWAT!!!"
Melchett: "Merely a flesh wound. Pay it no mind. We're in
The Vacuum!"
Written by Graham Chapman and Ben Elton
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Starring John Cleese as the Marquess of Salisbury
Rik Mayall as Admiral Jackie Fisher
Rowan Atkinson as Captain Blackadder
Tony Robinson as Pvt. Baldrick
Stephen Fry as General Melchett
And
Michale Palin as Nigel