Chapter One Thousand Four Hundred Fifty-Four
24th July 1961
In transit, rural Württemberg
It was dark in the back of the lorry with the canvas cover over the bed that Kiki was sitting in with a dozen others. It was hardly a surprise that she was the only girl. And she wasn’t drawing attention to herself for reasons that were too obvious to mention. She could hear the ribald talk that the men engaged in when they knew that no one would call them on it. It was in the middle of the night and Kiki had no idea what time it even was. All she knew was that it was very late, to the point of it being early. Every once in a while, the lorry went around a turn and she caught a glimpse of a half dozen other lorries like the one she was riding in out the open back. She was aware that there were an equal number ahead of one that she was riding in. The only possessions she had brought were what had fit inside the rucksack by her feet and she had strongly been encouraged to bring as little as possible. The air blowing in smelled of forest that was in the midst of the height of summer.
“You can be true to yourself without radically changing who you are. Has it ever occurred to you that most of the people you are trying to gain the approval of don’t care if you continue to give until you have nothing left?”
That was the last thing that Zella had told Kiki before she had left Berlin and those words had been biting. In the last weeks before she had left Berlin, Zella’s frustration with her had grown more evident with every change that Kiki had made. Doctor Berg had urged her to be patient with Zella, telling her that she was scared about what would happen to a dear friend. Since they had been children, Zella had been Kiki’s protector and she was at a loss about what to do over what Kiki was doing next.
Then when Kiki had cut her hair, Zella had really blown her stack. It had been a practical consideration. Kiki had realized that over the next several months she probably wouldn’t have the time or energy to take care of it properly and the result would only be a tangled mess. The long curls that had been a large part of Kiki’s appearance since she had been an infant were gone, replaced by her hair only being a few centimeters in length. The most embarrassing part had not involved Zella, instead it had come when Suga had looked her and had told Kiki that she shouldn’t be sad, because it would grow back eventually.
Zella had continued to react as if Kiki were foolishly giving up her identity and was unlikely to ever gain anything from doing so. That was what had prompted her to make that biting remark when they had parted just the day before. Kiki’s doubts had done nothing but multiply on the train ride and now in the lorry. Even as she had told herself that none of this was any of Zella’s business, one thought kept rolling around in the back of her mind.
What if Zella was right?
It reminded her of the photograph that Kiki had in one of the pockets of her flak vest. Taken on the barge just a month ago. It was of Kiki, Zella and Aurora sitting on lounge chairs that were on the deck. Everyone had been so happy at the time and now that seemed very remote.
“What is your deal?” Kiki heard a voice ask her. She was seated in the lorry with her arms around her knees with her back against the cab while leaning on the canvas wall.
“Leave the boy alone” Another voice said, “He’s been quiet since we left the train depot, not everyone flap his gums like the rest of you lot.”
The second voice belonged to a Noncom who had been tasked with keeping them in line until they got to Laupheim after arriving by train in Ulm. In the dim light, it was understandable as to why he had made the mistake that he had. She was wearing the field uniform of the entire military in the brown/gray water splinter pattern and had a flak vest over that. It was completely unrevealing. When combined with the blue Medical Service beret, the epaulettes of a Fähnrich on the shoulder straps and the reflection of her glasses they tended to “see” what they expected. It this case, the Noncom thought that she was a beardless teenager. Kiki’s hope was that he wouldn’t be too sore when he, along with the rest of the men on this lorry, saw her in good light.
Just as she had that thought, the lorry rolled through an open gate and into blue-white floodlights.
“Everyone out!” The Noncom yelled as the lorry stopped and Kiki grabbed her rucksack before following the others out of the lorry. Everyone here had already gone through basic training, so no effort was made to yell at them. Just falling in for rollcall and barracks assignment was disorientating. Standing under the flood lights and being tired the long journey from Berlin it felt like if they were in a fog.
Finally, they got to her and Kiki couldn’t believe that she had forgotten one of the details that she had been warned about beforehand. “Fähnrich Fischer, you’re assigned to the women’s barracks and you will be shown to your quarters” An unfamiliar Noncom said, “I don’t think I need to remind you that you will be expected to adhere to our standards even if by necessity your quarters are separate.”
“No…” Kiki paused to see what rank he held, “…Spear.”
“Good” The Spear said before he moved on.
Kiki could hear the sound of the men surrounding her talking in low voices to each other while trying not to be noticed. Word about her gender spreading around was inevitable, but this was a bit faster than she would have liked.