Chapter One Thousand Five Hundred Sixty-One
17th May 1963
Hohenzollern Castle
When Kiki learned that she had a guest arrive from the city she was briefly excited, then she saw who it was and felt her heart drop through her stomach. Vicky. All the castle’s staff clearly wanted it to be a joyful reunion, but it was obvious to her that her younger sister was having a personal crisis of some sort. The kind that caused her to travel seven hundred kilometers out of her way. She looked exhausted, like if she hadn’t slept in days. Just the fact that she had run to Kiki in a manner that was totally unlike her showed just how desperate Vicky was.
The dinner they had of soup and bread that they had was tense, with Vicky only willing to answer questions about school and how Nella or Freddy were doing. Later, Kiki was sitting on her bed while Vicky was looking through the latest batches of pamphlets that covered her desk. They were from various corporations, mostly in computer technology but there were others as well, optical glass manufacturing and precision assembly. Looking at Vicky in the soft light that the lamps cast, Kiki could see how she favored their mother. It was odd how Ria and Vicky were identical, yet Kiki didn’t see that same resemblance when looking at Ria.
“I’ve been trying to persuade the local communities in this Province that they need more than just forestry and tourism for the economy” Kiki said, “Most of the resistance to that seems to be fear of change.”
Vicky’s expression grew clouded, “You and Ria are the same” She said, “You think that if you ask nicely, people will upend their lives to suit you.”
That was what Kiki had come to expect from Vicky, she had always been the realist to Ria being a dreamer. In recent years she had embraced institutions of various kinds, church and family, all of that in ways that Kiki and Ria had rejected years earlier.
“I’m not asking people to upend their lives” Kiki replied, “I’m just trying to give the people who live here opportunities that they might not otherwise have.”
“If is so great than just order it done” Vicky said sharply.
“This isn’t the Heer Vicky” Kiki said, “The instant I just ordered people to do things like that, then I would lose what authority I have here.”
“Then how do you expect things to get done?” Vicky demanded. Kiki couldn’t help but noticing that she was growing more upset. “I don’t understand your constant need to make things difficult?”
“It is called being an adult, if you want positive changes to be permanent then you have to build consensus” Kiki said, something crossed Vicky’s face and Kiki knew that it had been precisely the wrong thing to have said. Though she didn’t know why.
“It’s not supposed to be this way, not for me” Vicky said, “It is supposed to be girls like you who go off to play solder or Ria, who is weird anyway.”
“What are you talking about?” Kiki asked, “What’s not supposed to be this way?”
That just caused Vicky to start sobbing.
“There’s something wrong with me!” Vicky wailed.
And? Kiki thought to herself. For years she had watched Vicky trying to be perfect, conforming to what she thought other people wanted her to be. Had she finally cracked now that she was about to sit for her Abitur and the responsibilities of being an adult were looming? With her personality, finding that she was a fallible human being like everyone else would be difficult for Vicky. It didn’t help that with her still being a very sheltered teenager, small personal matters were the end of the world.
“It’s not like we are talking paranoid schizophrenia here” Kiki said, “Did you come in five minutes late to one of your classes last week ruining twelve years of perfect attendance?”
Vicky’s jaw dropped when she heard that.
“Is that what you think of me?” Vicky asked, “That I would…”
She trailed off and Kiki immediately regretted having asked that.
“No” Kiki said, “But compared to some of the things I’ve seen, I have a hard time thinking that your problems are as serious as you make them out to be.”
Vicky just stared at her and Kiki could tell that she was about to hyperventilate. What could possibly get her in such a state?
“If you had just lost a limb and were bleeding out, I would not only understand but could step in and save your life” Kiki said, “That it something I’ve seen and dealt with. Whatever is going on with you couldn’t be that extreme.”
Vicky stared at Kiki for a long minute, clearly weighing how much she trusted her.
“Something happened” Vicky said reluctantly, “I was talking with Frau Lawniczak and she noticed something about me.”
“You are here because you talked to Asia?” Kiki asked.
“I find her repulsive” Vicky said, “No one knows how many lovers she has had. She flouts convention and now with her being with child everyone is acting as if it’s not a big deal. Charlotte even offered to be her baby’s Godmother. It’s absurd.”
Vicky said she found Asia repulsive, but the expression on her face said otherwise. This also just confirmed something that Ria had been making jokes about for ages using lewd terms when she knew Vicky was out of earshot. It was a cliché that good girls found bad boys irresistible, in this case Vicky found herself in that same sort of situation with a twist. Asia wasn’t stupid in these matters and had obviously noticed.
“So, you are saying that you ran away from Potsdam and spent eight hours on a train because you are afraid that people will figure out that you’re a lesbian?” Kiki asked.
Vicky just sat there blinking and Kiki realized that she was on the verge of having a panic attack. No one had ever said that aloud to Vicky before now.
