Row Britannia: The British Presidential election of 2010

Row Britannia: The British Presidential election of 2010.

OOC: This is somewhat improvised, I’m sure it shows. I just wondered how an American style presidential campaign would play out in Britain.

December 5th 2008.
Stonehouse Plymouth, Devon,


Anthony Charles Augustus "Tony" Parsons, eighth President of the Democratic Republic of Great Britain smiled to the gathered cameras and schoolchildren as they waved home made white, yellow and red flags. He approached the Scottish headmaster of Devonport secondary school, all jowls and greying hair and shook his hand. “A great pleasure seeing you again Mr Brown.” He grinned, he was known, for better or for worse, for his broad smile.
“Pleasures all mine Mr President. And please, call me James, or Gordon,”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Blair said before posing for a few photos with the head teacher. He then finally turned to the children and waved them goodbye. Always prioritise the children. Education, education and education was the core slogan of his second term’s policies. Good strong patriotic Tory policies.

Blair got into his car after a final smile and wave, just knowing the flash of the cameras picked up every last wrinkle and crease on his face. He hated how he looked in those photos. Even if he could stand for a third term, he probably wouldn’t. He leant back in his chair and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge. “Well that was dull,” he sighed. His aide looked to him “It was a safe event though. This is your big legacy tour and what’s better than a school?”
“But that Brown, he’s a Democrat, and a scot.” Blair, said, his head back on the leather rest behind him.
“Reaching across the gap to other parties and nations,” she was quick to reply. Blair didn’t reply and looked at her.
“What is is Hazel? That’s your “I’ve got something to tell Tony but he probably wont like it” face.” Hazel adjusted herself in her seat.
“Lucas has launched her campaign for Liberal presidential nomination,” she said calmly. Blair shrugged at this.
“Well we knew she was going to,” Tony had long suspected that Caroline Lucas, leader of the Liberal party in the upper house and Parliamentary Senator, would launch her campaign sooner or later. “Well she’s the current lead, the only others for the Libs are a bunch of nobodies angling for a bit of promotion or a place in Lucas’ cabinet should she win. A whole bunch of farts like Lembi Opiks, short of a miracle, they’d die out within seconds and oh, just coincidentally tell their supporters to support the front runner, with a little grin on their faces and a begging bowl in their hands,” He massaged his forehead and went quiet.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes” he said from behind his hands. “Am I right in saying we’re done?”
“Yes, Nothing until the conference with the Scottish Prime Minister on Friday.” she said as the car was joined by police bikes as it came out of the terraced streets of Devonport and headed along the South Plymouth bypass. The president looked out onto Plymouth sound, where the Americans had arrived to liberate England from the fascists, and if necessary, the soviets. Famous photos showed huge transport ships sailing in and planes landing at Mountbatten and Plymouth Hoe, now it was empty save for a cross Channel ferry to the sixth republic and a few pleasure craft.
An annoying buzzing wormed its way into the president’s head. An angry man shouting about civil liberties and government plans. He knew this voice, it amused him. He turned to listen to it. “Ms Blears,” he said to his aide. “Do you have to spoil this view with that mad bastard with a microphone? I mean, he’s not even on the radio any more, you’re intentionally streaming that.”
“Sorry Mr Blair,” she chuckled.
“No, no, keep him on, he’s hilarious in a horrifying way. Maybe this will be the day he finally gets arrested for trying to blow up parliament or tops himself on air.”
“Or announces he’s running for President,” Hazel laughed.
“Dear god, vote Jeremy Clarkson, or black helicopters will abduct your children or sell your country to the Soviet Union or god knows that else,” they chuckled at the Right wing shock merchant’s online radio rants then went quiet, knowing somewhere rural, he probably had supporters, taking him on his word. They fell silent as the car wooshed its way to Plymouth train station.

---

The Offices of Ian Hislop MP, Swansea.

Ian Hisliop looked at the visitor. “Its stupid Louise, it’s just stupid.”
“There is a lot of demand and growing all the time, people are really passionate about the idea of you being president! The civil libs hate Lucas’ stance on well, civil liberties and if Vince Cable runs people will be put of his age.”
“So I’m the face of the young liberal republic am I?” he scoffed. “Also, how many of these are of voting age, let alone registered to vote?! Very few I’d reckon and I don’t reckon a few idle clicks and upvotes on GoogleLife”
“We’d stress that in the campaign, register to vote, use your voice, mobilising popular opinion to support you, you’d come across as selfless too! A strong social media driven, populist campaign.” Hislop could see she wasn’t giving up.
He sighed “I’ll consider it, Miss Bagshawe, I’ll consider it. “
 
This is very interesting, Britain continues with the Liberal-Tory two-party system and Scotland has gone independent, with Ian Hislop being a British Ron Paul?
 
Nice touch, but Ian Hislop is doomed to failure if Louise Fuckingidiot is giving him advice.

I like this, I've wanted to do something similar for some time. Keep it up!
 
Thanks everyone :) currently putting together a rough idea of how the republic came about but I won't focus on that.

I'm just making a shortlist of Lib and Conservative candidates and third parties for my future reference.

and yes its technically Blair. His father was born Charles Parsons. However he wasn't put up for adoption and this is his son. To borrow a concept from Thande, he's the Alternate timeline brother of Tony Blair.
 
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OOC: I believe throughout this timeline I owe an apology to OTLs Dr Caroline Lucas MP. I’ve met her on several occasions and she’s a lovely person (regardless of what you think of her policies, which for the record, I mostly agree with, but I digress). This is a very different person in a TL with a PoD long before she was born.

The Parliamentary office of Caroline Lucas PS.
29th January, 2009

Oliver Osborne looked up from his book, the latest apocalyptic sci-fi opera from Matt Bellamy “You don’t think we started to early do you?” he said to no one in particular. There was a pause, he continued. “I mean, you don’t think it comes across as a bit presumptuous? Might lead to campaign fatigue?” The rooms other occupant (1) looked to him. “Well no, it was expected, she’s been continuously hammering Parsons in Presidential Question time and is the face of the opposition.” She shrugged before adding “It gives people time to donate, it establishes her in peoples minds. Besides, its just a declaration, the primaries don’t start until next year,”
“I know all that Charlotte. I just thought I’d voice the question,” Osborne squeaked defensively.
“Let me get on with my job, Gideon, and you do yours. I’m strategy, you’re policy. For now.”
“Don’t call me that,” he said immediately “And what do you mean?”
“I mean as the campaign builds up strength and size she may want to replace you,” before quickly adding “Or me. We just have to prove we’re presidential level strategists, when the time comes and Her Master’s Voice won’t appreciate you second guessing said campaign or it could put us both in the mud, right?” Osborne nodded at this. He’d been working for Lucas for three months now, whereas Charlotte Black had been working for Lucas since her re-election in 2004.

The room went quiet; finally Charlotte’s phone buzzed and she checked it and sighed. Osborne looked up from his book with a look of lazy interest.
“Johnson’s been overheard in the Annies talking about his campaign. Not really hiding it,”
“Because Alexander Johnson doesn’t hide things, he doesn’t have a quiet setting. Un-understandable, yes, but not quiet.”
“Its not a big thing, people may go with the novelty of him for a while but as soon as campaigning begins in earnest or he goes up against Caroline in a debate he’ll collapse completely,” Black explained.
“Agreed,” Osborne added. “And he’ll back Caroline,”

(1) Fictional, but probably played by Tamsin Grieg in the film
 
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Microsoft Groups Alternate History Discussion Group
GB AHC: Liberal President in 2006.
Posted February 3rd, 2009

Challenge: A Liberal President in Downing street after the 2006 election. Bonus points for the following.
  • Tony Parsons is Incumbent and going for a second term
  • William Hague carries on as Vice President
  • Both houses remain as OTL prior to Election ’06 (Commons with the Tories, Senate with the Libs)
  • No third party influence.

Not going to happen without a major PoD. Parsons was too popular. His government had reformed education and seen as bringing the economy out of recession in his first term. Even if the Libs had the senate, he was still getting through a lot of policies due to the Libs sketchy coalition with the Greens, SDP and so on.

Hague was a solid choice for VP and set up a cohesive front with Parson’s persona. Swapping him for someone more socially liberal or more economically protectionist candidate might hurt him. Not enough to lose though.


Have Clarke not make that cock up when speaking to Charles Kennedy during the Scottish state visit. He made other mistakes but this set up reputation as a gaff merchant.

Right, several butterflies needed or possible.
  1. Hague has a fallout with Parsons during the election. Parsons has to pick someone at short notice. To compromise he picks Melanie Phillips
  2. Clarke picks Alan Duncan as VP. Duncan was loved by the ultra-liberals who were put off by Clarke’s choice of David Cameron.
  3. North Sea Oil slick goes worse. Greens get more votes, giving East Anglia to the Liberals
  4. Parsons agrees to the Severn Barrage over the Swansea Lagoon: Libs take Gloucestershire.

Duncan would’ve been poison. He’d spent the past six months bashing Clarke’s centrist position. There would have been too much contention and some of the economic liberals are quite conservative. They might’ve been put off by a gay VP.


Yeah, there needs to be an economically liberal socially conservative party for the Right-Liberals and free market tories to swan off to.
 
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Message from Oliver Osborne to Caroline Lucas
5th February 2009
Its official, Grant is entering the race. Punch his smug face for me will you?

The Times
6th February 2009
Grant: Power to the people

Senator Hugh Grant yesterday announced he would be seeking the Liberal nomination for President of Great Britain. He stated that the past eight years of Conservative rule had left the government caught up in red tape, both of business and of history. He stated that Britain must celebrate what is successful about Britain and reconsider the priorities of our culture if they are detrimental to the welfare and prosperity of the British people. The Tories do not realise there is no point espousing the greatness of our nation if they don’t give us the opportunity to prove it!
 
Transcript from The Daily Edition With Armando Iannuci
STV
7th February 2009

Armando Iannuci: We’re joined Later by Environment Secretary Tom Harris but no we travel south of the Border to discuss the British Presidential election. Excited *pause* No, me neither but of course, when it comes to your education. *pauses and grins sarcastically* STV Cares. And for all matters like this, we’re joined by our British correspondent John Oliver, John? *pause as people cheer,*

John Oliver: Thank you Armando, its great to be here to report on the continual endless loop that is the presidential elections for both 2010 and 2014.

Armando: You mean 2010?

John Oliver: No, the process leading up to the presidential election has become to long winded it has in fact lapped itself, starting before the previous election has been carried out.

Armando: Sticking with the 2010 election for now. Am I right in saying most of the potential candidates have made themselves known.

John Oliver: Yes, we’re currently in the limbo where pretty much anyone can put their hand up and say “I’m running for president” without actually committing any time or money beyond telling someone else. In that respect I’d like to say *looks straight at the camera* If you’re watching in England, Mum, Dad, I’m running for president.

Armando: Possibly the smaller of the two stories of the day is that someone has entered the fight for Conservative nominee.

John: A few people have voiced their disagreement against Hague, mostly as a continuation of their disagreement with President Parsons. So far two have voiced their intention to slay the prematurely balding giant that is the vice president. Journalist Richard Littlejohn has stated that William Hague is a Liberal in disguise and allowed the country to be overrun with immigrants and refugees. He’s called for the return of the monarchy, an invasion of Scotland and the removal of all non English people from Britain, possibly including the Welsh. I’m starting to believe Littlejohn is a fiction, created to make the vice president look quite likeable and pleasant in comparison.

Armando: And on the Liberal side?

John: An almost credible candidate. Senator Hugh Grant. Grant, who is a strong exponent of British excellence and free enterprise. Primarily this is shown by his teeth.

Armando: His teeth John?

John: Yes, only a wealthy man with private healthcare could achieve those teeth. If you tried to get teeth that white on the Scottish Public Health Service, it would bankrupt the nation. Senator Grant is a shining example of how high a man can fly, if your parents have enough money to buy you an orbital rocket.

 
apologies for the lack of update on this one. I'll get back to it this weekend hopefully. Resisting just describing the whole world.
 
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