Chapter 2: Ancient and Not-So-Ancient Aliens
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][SIZE=+1][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][SIZE=+1]"And, I know that I'll hear from them for this. But secularists and their allies, with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy millions of little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, "You helped make this happen.""
[/SIZE][/FONT]- Rev. Jerry Falwell, explaining to Larry King on Larry King Live on 2/1/1988 why so many prominent politicians are dying off in randomly gruesome ways.
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Somewhere in the Campus District in Cleveland, Ohio, early in the morning of September 23rd:
Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I've really fucked things up this time! I have never, ever seen her this....livid, yeah, that's the word. Livid. Who knew a woman that pale could turn the single most frightening shade of ruby red as she's screaming at you for in her words "being a colossal fuck-up"? Is she even human? Of course she is! Why am I so weird?
Great, yeah, I get it: been playing one too many video games over the last few with Jae-sung, but c'mon he's a cool dude, and his strategy to save Lord Stark and put him in charge of Herg Drake cavalry sweeping over the Westland Mountain ranges during e-matches is fucking brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Changes the whole damn metagame.
I mean, sure, I could cut back but why should I when she bought me the fucking game for my birthday a few months ago? Is she trying to tell me not to have fun cause fuck no! She's not the boss of me!
God what a....
.....oh man, am I really thinking about how she's in the wrong when I clearly am? Oh fuck....I have been neglecting everything. My girlfriend, my class load, our class. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Wait man - stop panicking. You've got this. You're smart; you've done research projects before both with her and without her. All you need to do is pull together some decent sources supplementing and enhancing her already sterling work. Yeah that oughta do it. Of course it will. It has to. I mean, I can't lose her, can I?
Crapbaskets! ....the library's closed. Hrm, better try online. Maybe ViewTube?
Let's see...."1988 Presidential Mysteries...." Awesome. We're in business! Dozens upon dozens of clips and with a few that appear scholarly....
...you're joking me! An entire channel dedicated to "Antiquity's Aliens" and an episode devoted to explaining the clusterfuck of deaths in '87 and '88? Sorry, dear, but I gotta watch....
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Partial transcript of episode 10 "Aliens and Recent Political Disasters" of History Channel's award-winning series, "Antiquity's Aliens", from season 7, broadcast on 9/11/2013, as watched in clips by one Mark Thomas Biggs, on September 23rd, at 7:45 PM.
(COLD OPEN)
NARRATOR: It's reported millions of people around the world believe we have been visited in the past by extraterrestrial beings. Is it true? And if so, why do they manipulate our history by murdering politicians they don't agree with? And if so, is the advancement of mankind determined by an alien geopolitical agenda?
(TITLE ROLLS, INTRO MUSIC PLAYS)
NARRATOR: At the start of 1987, the Republican Party was poised to enjoy the usual spirited round of candidates jostling for the right to succeed the beloved and popular president, Ronald Reagan in the election of 1988. But by the end of the year, almost out of the blue, the party was suddenly decimated, candidates dying left and right in a serious of curious tragedies which paved the way for dark horse candidate, televangelist Pat Robertson to capture the Republican Party's nomination. What happened?
GEORGE NOORY: I think someone or something, either earthly or extraterrestrial, throughout history, has planned events out like the assassination of Kennedy and the utter destruction of 90% of the GOP primary candidates during the '88 election cycle to get to a predetermined outcome.
NARRATOR: Why though?
MOULTON HOWE: I think there are groups extraterrestrials out there engaging in acts of overt manipulation - some good, some bad. Its clear to me in the latter, the bad ones engage in political sabotage, depriving us of good men and women who could help us grow and evolve as a people. Hampering us, even. They don't want us to join them....
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(CLIP DEDICATED TO EXPLAINING THE '87 and '88 DISASTERS)
NARRATOR: Starting with the death of Vice President Bush in November of 1987, a series of events nearly destroyed the Republican Party through a vicious primary season won by Pat Robertson, but might there have even been more at stake than we know? Could it be that the untimely deaths of major establishment politicians in the GOP such as Bush, Dole and Kemp, were committed by extraterrestrial beings?
DAVID CHILDRESS: Absolutely yes. Certain ex-tra-terrestriaallls did go out of their way in 1987 and 1988 to assassinate prominent figures. It was reported by people on the ground who witnessed the jet carrying the Vice President that it was swarmed by highly mobile beams of light. They covered the cockpit in fog and unnatural snow, while super-intelligent kamikaze frogs bred for the sole purpose of destroying planes infested the engines, all for the purpose of guiding the plane to a position of certain doom where the desired outcome was definitely weakening the Republican Party. It would seem that something like this happened numerous times throughout the so-called "horrible year".
NARRATOR: Is it possible that both friendly and insidious extraterrestrials have been guiding the course of America since its very beginning as part of a shadow war, and intervened in seminal historical events like the Civil War, the Great Depression, the Kennedy assassination to the GOP's "horrible year" to ensure some part of a great galactic game would continue? Ancient astronaut theorists suggest further evidence that otherworldly forces were present at this point in history; they say it can be found by examining the evidence around the figures of Bush, Dole, Kemp and their respective staffs and handlers. What was their end goal?
DAVID CHILDRESS: We do have evidence of ex-tra-terrestriaallls of a malicious nature did want televangelist Pat Robertson to succeed Reagan...
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Still in Cleveland's Campus District after a few more hours of scintillating educational videos similar to the one above, a man has quite the brilliant thought:
This is amazing shit. Jane's gonna love it almost as much as she loves me.
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"I'd rather not turn into a pillar of salt, thanks."
- attributed to Howard Baker when he denied a request by many prominent Republicans to run for president in the days after Jack Kemp's death.