"This is BBC 1"
Graphical colours swirl magically in all their Eighties glory. A distinctive tune plays out, faces appear on the screen. An old man, a child of a belief ages older. A mother of two, one with an uncertain future. Two young men, creatures of circumstance, and betrayal
"Good evening and welcome to our election results program. From now until 4 in the morning, we'll be bringing you the fastest service of results and comment from the politicians. Elections are a struggle for power, battles if you like, and this one has been perhaps the most exciting in living memory. Our job tonight will be to pick our way across the battlefield and discover what has happened to both victor, and to vanquished both with Peter and myself in the studio and our reporters out in those constituencies in a close race to see who will be able to call fir...
"Oh getonwaeit ya bastard"
Despite chuckles across the table, the television man goes on despite the insult hundreds of miles away, similar to the young man in the red rossette rosette in the other room
"So how's it looking?"
"Easy, Liberals might push the Tories into third though, odd times am tellin' ye but you're sittin-"
"Not that, nationwide?"
"Ah, that my friend might be a trickier one"
"We're going to lose aren't we?"
"...not exactly"
"Micheal pulled it off?"
"The worst result since Ramsay Mac was in Number 10? Aye that was nae bother, we're going to look like twats while that prick Owen let's the sun shine out his arse. Luckily for you you won't have to bother about trying to negotiate with the self congratulatory public school boys"
"Negotiations?"
"Gordon, are ye no watching the telly?"
----
"...and the Conservatives, as far as they're concerned, would like it to stay that way. Now back to David Dimbleby, in London."
"Well we'll of course be keeping a close eye on all three of those constituencies and getting you the result the moment it comes. Now, we're going to try and keep things simple because this elections isn't as straightfroward as the last one. All but 66 constituencies in the last parliament have been changed. It's the most extensive redrawing of the political map since the Great Reform Act. Altogether there are now 650 seats, the party with 326 seats having a majority. More about that in a moment, but first a forecast, from Peter."
"Thank you David now I've asked our computer to tell us party by party just how these results will look by the end of the night and we can tell you now though that although the Alliance may be projected to win the popular vote it is Mrs Thatcher who will be nearest to returning to power. She will be just two short of that 326 winning post, and will hope that she can perhaps try and do some sort of deal with the Ulster Unionists but I press that this is just an exit poll. All indications show that this is shaping up to be a three-way battle."
"Thank you Peter, and at 11pm I warn you we have no results in as of yet"