So, I sat down to write something serious-minded earlier, and I ended up writing an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode. Can't think of anywhere else to put it (except maybe the Shitposting Thread), so I'll just put it here. Here it goes:
Aqua Teen Hunger Force: No Love
INT. - Frylock's Room
Frylock is hovering over his desk, furiously typing commands into his computer- which is now plugged into a 70-inch 4K TV balanced somewhat precariously on a desk that was meant to hold a CRT monitor (which now sits in the corner with an crossbow bolt through the screen, because Shake). The TV also has a cable box with a glowing pink crystal attached to it's top. Why? Because Frylock wants him some Interdimensional Cable, dawg. Frylock is just about to hit return and fire up some Ball Fondlers when Shake barges into the room, holding a long-nose lighter. Shake looks around the room, while threateningly switching the lighter on and off.
MASTER SHAKE: What's all this to do?
FRYLOCK: Shake, I thought I told you to never come in here ever again.
MASTER SHAKE: I'm not in the habit of doing whatever pleases you, Frylock. In fact I may set everything in here ablaze now just to prove that only I can make the rules, starting with this box with the- *Shake realizes what it's plugged into* -is that 4K!? We have 4K and you didn't let me know!? What- who put you up to this, Meatwad!? I swear to god, that little animal is dead! Where is he? MEATWAD GET THE FUCK IN HERE AND APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT YOU DID! OR ELSE THE SEAS WILL RUN RED WITH YOUR BLOOD, YOU JUDAS GOAT!
FRYLOCK: It wasn't Meatwad, it was-
MASTER SHAKE: Who, Carl!? The mailman!? Those stupid-ass Frat Aliens!? 'Cos I swear to god I'll kill 'em all. You don't believe me? I'll go get my arsenal right now, Frylock! I'm a loose cannon here, and anything that gets in my way will be blown away-
FRYLOCK: It was me, dumbass! I bought the TV for me, with my money, and if you don't like it you can kiss my ass!
MASTER SHAKE: Well then! It all comes out then, doesn't it! You dirty, red devil worshipping sack of fries- and I mean it about the devil worship! I know that's what "science" actually is, 'cos I follow the President on Twitter and-
FRYLOCK: Oh that is it. For years, I put up with you. I put up with you flushing bills down the toilet instead of paying them. I put up with you beating up on Meatwad because your insecure. I put up with you breaking damn near everything in the house, over and over! I put down hundreds of mutant abominations spawned because the Cloner wasn't built to replace everything constantly! I've dealt with you and all the stupid shit you do for years! You think you can treat everyone else like shit constantly and get away with it, huh!? You think you a big man, that your master-
MASTER SHAKE: That's my literal first name-
FRYLOCK: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YA NAME IS! NOT ANYMORE! YOU JUST A WHINY LITTLE BITCH, SHAKE- AND I DON'T SHOW NO LOVE TO BITCHES LIKE YOU!!!
At this point the screen switches to an out-of-focus 3D glasses style filter, as ominous drums start to play as Shake's demeanor changes from belligerent to fearful, while Frylock begins to power up his eye lasers. Then an incredibly loud electronic noise blares and shakes the entire Aqua House, while the words "100% USED TO GIVE A FUCK!!!" flash across the screen. Cut to outside Carl's house, where Meatwad has set up his dolls and shouting out of a traffic cone in the middle of the street. Crudely made protest signs are glued to the dolls and Carl's house is covered in Christmas lights and half-finished graffiti. The signs have the slogans like "wen season thre comin?", "if ther no rik, you muss akit", "free rik sandchez", and several signs display crude scribbles of Rick and Morty drawn in crayon. The words "no traills, no rihts, no rik: dis earf undah the glactic fedrashun. Indee" is sprayed on Carl's house. There is also trash everywhere. Carl is about to arrive to find his house destroyed and megaloud Hip Hop blasting out of the Aqua House, both of which piss him off immensely. Carl nearly runs over Meatwad who jumps on the sidewalk. Carl gets out of the car brandishing a tire iron and stomps over to Meatwad, oblivious to the blaring music for the moment.
MEATWAD: Oh damn...
CARL: Yo Meatman, what's the occasion for turning my house into a goddamn soapbox! Answer me now or I swear *the music peaks again, emitting the grating, super-loud noise noise* what the hell? Is that music comin' out ya house, or did you guys summon a demon again?
MEATWAD: Carl, your house and the noise comin' out mine are small-fry compared to what's going on at the highest levels of society right now-
CARL: Oh, so a walking spraytan who likes firin' people gets in the White House and it's suddenly okay to emit grating noises outta yo house and trash mine? Trump won't come out out here, and neither do the police! Not since you freaking mutants started living here!
MEATWAD: Trump? Is he the Celebrity Apprentice? Who cares about that show? I'm talking about the only thing that matters. I mean, ain't you watched the TV lately? Earth is in grave danger, our freedoms are being taken away- these the real issues. And alls you wanna talk about is a mean oompa loompa who was Terminated! That's dumb.
CARL: Alright, if you ain't protesting Trump then what the hell are you on about!? ANSWER ME OR TASTE THE STEEL!
MEATWAD: Don't hit me! The Galactic Federation is the real enemy. Go hit them if you wanna hit somethin'.
CARL: Galactic Federation? What, aliens? I don't see no aliens around right now- oh crap. They're invisible, aren't they? We're being hunted by Predators or somethin', right? And that noise is their spaceship engines, isn't it? DAMMIT, WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE IN A FREAKIN' HORROR MOVIE!?
MEATWAD: Actually, they's mostly bug-lookin' bureaucrats who put Rick Sanchez in space jail at the end of Season Two- and then the credits just rolled. That's a cliffhanger, see? And it was such a long time ago I don't even know when it was! They need to bring back Rick and Morty right now. Or we might have to escalate this thing to a riot, show 'em we mean business, ain't that right Boxy?
BOXY BROWN: Yeah, shit 'bout to start poppin' off up in here! You best keep yo head down Carl, 'cos a jive-ass bourgie like yourself might get shanked when the revolution comes! 'Cos ain't nobody holding down Boxy Brown no more, nuh-uh!
MEATWAD: Now c'mon, Boxy, Carl's our neighbor and you ain't the only one bein' oppressed here. Rick's in prison.
CARL: Wait, are you talking about that new Adult Swim show? The one that's like Back to the Future, but weirder? If so, why do you care so freaking much? I didn't see you guys complaining this much when they cancelled you. Also, why'd you keep renaming your show? I heard that's why they stopped making a horror movie outta your life.
MEATWAD: Nah, we was just taking up space is all. The network said they needed to free up a timeslot, and then they lit our contracts on fire while they played... actually, they was playing the same thing that's coming out of my house right now. Only with MCRide screaming about how he wants us to learn the meaning of a proper beatdown madness or something, I don't know. He's crazy as hell, that MCRide.
CARL: Oh so that's what's coming out ya house, is it? I'd suspect you left your boombox on... but that don't sound like MC Pee Pants. That sounds angry. Brutal. Actually be kinda kickass, if it didn't make that loud-ass electronic noise every ten seconds and maybe put some electric guitar in. Drums and beats ain't enough on their own, you need some electric guitar! *does an air guitar solo*widddly-widddly-whon, widddly-whoh-widddly-widddly, widddly-whoh-widddly-wham! *ends air guitar* Hell yeah, you know what I'm saying meatman! Hahahaha... though seriously turn that shit off. I'm starting to get a headache.
MEATWAD: I'll go and see, but I don't know even whose playing it.
CARL: You do that, Meatwad- and when your done, you better clean this trash up off my lawn. I mean that. 'Cos if you don't, I'm gonna throw all your dolls and signs in a dumpster with a buncha gasoline and a lit match!
MEATWAD: Okay, you can try. Boxy don't take that kind of thing from no one though, so you best watch out for him. He's got a knife and he stabs me with it for a lot less than that.
CARL: Sure, whatever, just turn that freaking music off before I get my gun and do it myself! My head is throbbing with pain!
MEATWAD: Okay, okay, I'm going. Damn.
As Meatwad rolls back to the Aqua House, we cut back to Frylock's room. Shake is on the floor, bruised and bleeding. He is also sobbing hysterically. Frylock hovers above his bruised body, and begins to charge his eye lasers. Meatwad rolls into the doorway, sees the carnage and pulls out a camera. He is about to take a picture when Frylock entire body begins to glow. Meatwad then drops the camera and starts to pray. The screen flashes white; cut to an aerial view of the neighborhood which being engulfed in a explosion. Cut to the moon, where we see a pile of rocks shaped like a giant middle finger. Panning downward, we see the Mooninites admiring their handiwork.
ERR: Hahaha, take that ya bitch-ass Earthlings! The moon rules all, therefore the moon fucks all!
IGNIGKNOT: A truism that never loses its truth anywhere in the entire universe. We have created a masterpiece, Err. The primitive blue orb below will be forever reminded of their total inferiority to us and all we have created. For we are the true rulers of the cosmos. Isn't that right, Err?
ERR: Hell yeah! Aw crap, I'm having a nit-fit. You got any smokes, man? I need to smoke. Right here, right now.
IGNIGKNOT: No, Err, I do not. The moon lacks oxygen, your dream is therefore quite impossible. You should quit, Err. It makes you super-irritable.
ERR: Hey fuck you man, I do what I want! I'm not gonna sell out like you did! I need to smoke! We should go to Earth and buy a pack, man. Like, now.
IGNIGKNOT: I have a better idea- let's steal some cigarettes to feed your addiction, as well as anything else we desire. Fire up the ship, Err- and prepare yourself to commit criminal acts against the Aqua Teens.
ERR: Aw yeah, I'm gonna put cigarettes out in the drink cup's eyes- wait, what the hell is that?
We pan to Earth orbit, where hundreds of mushroom clouds can be seen going up all over the planet. Panning back to the Mooninites, we see them staring down at the Earth.
IGNIGKNOT: Wow... the fools down there finally blew each other up. *sigh* We should've made some popcorn.
ERR: Blew it up!? What do you mean, blew it up!? Where else am I supposed to get smokes from!? They don't sell them anywhere else, man!
IGNIGKNOT: I mean somebody down there obviously started a nuclear war, probably over whether or not to exterminate some hated minority again. Those Earthlings are a violent people. I mean, they were. Now their all dead. Very, very dead.
ERR: FUCK I NEED A SMOKE!!!
EXT. THE MOON
ROLL CREDITS
