Lastly, would it be possible ITTL, for Agatha Christie to live a few years longer so that she could witness Delgado's peformance as Poirot?
"Phil won't leave his room" - A Doctor Who Production History
- Thread starter Guajolote
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I wouldn't expect great ripples from it. I just think it would be nice for Christie to witness a really good portrayal of Poirot before her passing. (No disrespect intended for Albert Finney. His performance was great, but perhaps just a touch too broad.)
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Part 26 - The Wrong Doctors (Chapter 1)
It's the 27th anniversary of the 30th anniversary of Doctor Who, so here's the first bit of The Wrong Doctors.
__________________________________________________
We open on The Doctor running through wrecked streets, barely recognizable as being Earth. Daleks are pursuing The Doctor, screeching that they will exterminate him. Just in time, he makes it into the TARDIS; Koryn is behind the console.
"Doctor, what happened?"
"I don't know! The Dalek invasion was defeated in the 2160s! I was part of it. Check the location readout!"
"London, 2170."
The TARDIS console's central column begins to move by itself. Koryn looks to The Doctor who says quietly and gravely, "It's the Time Lords. I'm being taken to the homeworld. Things are about to get very serious."
The Doctor and Koryn step out into a white void. Time Lords come to escort The Doctor and Koryn in different directions. Koryn looks to The Doctor who nods that it's OK. Just before they're separated, he reaches in his jacket pocket and fishes out a battered paperback book, which he hands to Koryn.
"It's not dangerous, but it can be very boring."
The Doctor is brought into a white marble room and is surprised to find his four previous incarnations waiting for him.
A white marble room
Seven: "What's the matter, fellers...Blue Meanies?"
Three: "Daleks where they shouldn't be. Where did you run into them?"
Seven: "London, 2170."
All the Doctors wince.
Six: "That would confirm our worst fears."
Lord Dezan (Alfred Burke) enters. "There is a concerted attack on your personal timeline. We have attempted to remove each of your incarnations from the timestream. We are unable to find the first two, which raises troubling possibilities."
"They are safe." Everyone turns around to see a new figure. Tall, old, dignified, elegantly dressed and easily noticeable in his bright red jacket. "I was able to warn them and hide them between dimensions. I had planned to do so for all of you, but it appears the Time Lords had the same idea."
Dezan tries to hide his surprise. "And who are you?"
"I am The Doctor. Don't ask me which number. I don't know. I'm from far in your future and this whole situation is my fault. I destroyed the Daleks – or, from your point of view, I will destroy the Daleks. It's become a fixed point. Their history can only end one way. But someone has told the Daleks from an earlier point in history of what will happen. This is their last ditch effort to destroy you and me and prevent their destruction."
Lord Dezan speaks up. "We did not bring these different incarnations to protect them. It is felt that by bringing you here, we might give you time to plan and mount counterattacks against the Daleks. There is a corresponding Dalek attack to each incarnation so each of you will be placed at an appropriate point in your timeline to handle the situation."
The Doctors agree, except for the Seventh. "Wait a minute. You're not going to put my third self up against the attack on my third self, are you? That'd be a waste of the element of surprise."
The Third Doctor responds. "I think I can see where you're going with this. Every Dalek will be expecting to find a certain version of me. If they find themselves up against a different version, they'll be on the back foot."
"Right Daleks, wrong Doctors", agrees the Sixth with a smile.
The Fifth Doctor looks to the future Doctor. "Can we take it that the Daleks are being launched from the same point in time-space? They'll only be aware of what's happening as they observe the changes to the timeline. They won't have the advantage of being able to study any historical record."
"Peter had the time travel element all mapped out. I don't think I fully understood it, but I think even Peter will acknowledge that it didn't need to make much sense. All the Doctors have to get together, here's an excuse for them to do so."
- Terrance Dicks, DVD Extra, The Wrong Doctors
"This is convoluted even for me", sighs the Fourth Doctor.
"You're both right", says the future Doctor with a smile. "I'm going to be waiting for the returning parties on the Dalek ship to destroy their units as they touch down."
"Sounds dangerous", says the Seventh. "Dezan, go to wherever you're keeping Koryn and ask her to help me. Not me me. Him me", he gestures to the future Doctor.
Just as Dezan is about to leave, the Seventh Doctor snatches the handheld computer display from him. "I assume this has information of the attacks. Aha!" He turns to the Third Doctor. "I think you'll like this one. You're about to meet Max Bolton for the very first time. Nice feller, just wishes he was Sam Spade. His office is on the planet Kipth…"
"Roger wanted to take part, but his doctor – his doctor, not his Doctor – was very strict about what Roger could and couldn't do. Peter asked him if we could do something where Roger was sitting down the whole time, if that'd be OK. He added if Roger was sitting at a desk, we could have some papers on the desk with Roger's lines, so that would take some pressure off him. The doctor said all that sounded good. Roger did as he was told and he got to save the day sitting down. He was word perfect, as ever, but he did say that knowing the lines were in view saved him some stress."
- Terrance Dicks, DVD Extra, The Wrong Doctors
Max Bolton, PI, is running through the mean streets of Kipth. He makes it back to his office only to notice the lights are on. He pulls out his trusty Mahgruh X-8 laser pistol but before he can kick the door open, a voice calls from within. "It's alright Max. It's me, The Doctor." Max cautiously enters the office to see the Third Doctor sitting behind his desk.
"I may look and sound different, but it's still me. I helped myself to coffee, but I cleaned up after myself." Max looks at his tiny office kitchenette to see all the washing up has been done. "There's only one guy I know in this godforsaken galaxy who enjoys washing up. It must be you, Doc."
"Haven't seen any Daleks recently, have you?"
"Ugh! Fortunately, no. I have about a dozen gangs of mooks out for my blood, but rather them than Daleks."
"Tell me about these 'mooks'."
We flash back to a few nights ago; Max is explaining events to The Doctor. "It was meant to be a simple case. Some dame had hired yours truly to see if her old man was playing house with something tall, blonde and hot-to-trot. I found where he was hanging out and it wasn't a love nest, by cracky."
"Max, you appear to have slipped from Private Eye slang to 19th Century gold prospector."
"Really? Anyway, this place he had keys to was just a room full of maps and files with a nearly dead man in the middle. I went to see if I could help him and he just said 'Take the egg, let them through'. After that he went from nearly dead to very dead."
"What did he mean?", asked The Doctor. We return to the present.
"I haven't got a clue, Doc. He didn't give me anything, but since then, I've had various guys chasing me around town shouting 'where's the egg?'"
The Doctor leans his head on his hand and appears to go to sleep. Suddenly, his eyes open and he demands "Empty your pockets!" Max obeys and there amid the transit tickets, skeleton keys and candy bars is a metallic egg. Its surface is complex with what could be hundreds of facets.
"He hid it on your person as you bent over him. This is not good, Max. This is a Dalek time portal, an army of Daleks could flood through if it was activated . Your wayward husband case was a Dalek agent, presumably promised some position of power. Fool! Still, at least we have it now. You haven't had any visitors so far, so I think we have a little time to play with. I'm just going to the TARDIS. I parked it in this little side room, I trust that's alright with you."
The Doctor walks to the TARDIS, [1] leaving Max on his own. No sooner has The Doctor gone than the police burst in, charge him murder and carry him away. As Max is being dragged out of his office, concealed in the stairwell is a group of very dangerous looking men waiting for the office to be left empty.
As we cut to a moody shot of Max in the back seat of a futuristic squad car, we hear his internal monologue.
Me getting pulled in for icing the guy was bughouse. Sure, I'd be a suspect, but they'd have to have something more to actually slap the bracelets on me. I shoulda realized that if things get bughouse and The Doc is in town, it's no coincidence. Things were so crazy, I wasn't all that surprised when Sergeant O'Malley turned the car around and let me out slap bang outside my office. Actually, he's called Peacekeeper Advanced Norgax but he lets me call him Sergeant O'Malley.
Max is about to enter the building that contains his office when he hears the voices of a bunch of 'goons' who are on their way out. Max presses himself against the wall and is horrified to see that they have the egg! Once they're gone, Max dashes in and up the stairs to his office. "Doc! What gives?" The Doctor is slumped forward. His voice is weak.
"They used a neural disruptor, Max. I couldn't stand it. I had to give it to them."
"How'd they get a neural disruptor tuned to a Time Lord nervous system?"
The Doctor suddenly brightens up. "They didn't! Bear with me, Max. I have my reasons. I think we're about to have visitors and it's time for me to play Easter Bunny again."
The Doctor makes the egg appear in his grasp through sleight of hand.
The Doc I know is sly, but gentle. He's no loser, but he'll play the loser to get his own way. I was not sure about this guy. Was The Doc always a good guy? He looked the devil in every Earth cartoon I'd ever seen. His next request didn't make me feel any better.
"Max, gag yourself with this handkerchief and hold your arms behind you're back as if you've been tied to the chair."
I trusted The Doc just enough to play along, but I had butterflies in my stomach. When the "visitors"arrived, the butterflies moved out to make room for a whole colony of very large bats. Our new guests represented Orvu Denn. Denn is fifty-seven years of bile, paranoia, greed and violence poured into a ten-thousand credit suit.
One of the goons speaks: "Who are you and what's the deal with Bolton?"
"I am Colonel Wer Quien (retired). I found this bungler trying to find a very special egg. I'm trying to cut down on eggs, very bad for the hearts, y'know"
"Roger added that line in rehearsal."
- Terrance Dicks, DVD Extra, The Wrong Doctors
"However, if you're in the market for eggs, I do have one to sell. Shall we say fifteen-thousand?"
The Doc was playing a very dangerous game, but everything about him said he had nerves of iridium. After a couple of eternities and a side of forever I could see that the mighty Denn gang was going to blink.
"Ten."
"Twelve."
"Done."
"Congratulations, you've bought yourself an egg."
The goons pass The Doctor a translucent red plastic slab, about the size of two boxes of matches laid end to end.
With that the Denn boys left like lambs. The Doc indicated I could take my gag off.
"What gives Doc? I thought that thing was dangerous."
"The original is very dangerous, which is why it's still in my TARDIS. What I've been handing out is the product of the TARDIS replicator; completely inert."
He opens Max's desk drawer. It's full of metal eggs!
"There should be enough for every interested party and if you continue to be my 'hostage', then it should keep you safe from reprisals as it's Colonel Quien who's doing these deals"; he holds up the red credit slab. "Besides, twelve thousand credits should be enough to set you up in a new office out of reach of any 'bad guys'.”
"Colonel Quien" cut a few more deals that night and submitted to tortures that didn't mean squat to a Time Lord.
We see The Doctor sitting at the TARDIS console, turning dials and switching switches, his face is grave.
Not long after I set up in my new and expensive office on Cablou 5, I heard from a mutual friend that The Doc did activate that Dalek portal, right next to a very large, very fierce sun. A couple thousand roasted Daleks later he went back to his home planet. I'm glad The Doc is a good guy, 'cause when the situation calls for it, he's badder than the baddest bad guys I know.
[1] As Roger Delgado is meant to stay seated, I imagine this is achieved by cutting to a closeup of McCoy tracking his gaze across the office, indicating the movement we can't see.
Next time: A little bit of politics
Thanks to Andrew Hickey for his help with the plot and Gary Rodger for help with the formatting
__________________________________________________
We open on The Doctor running through wrecked streets, barely recognizable as being Earth. Daleks are pursuing The Doctor, screeching that they will exterminate him. Just in time, he makes it into the TARDIS; Koryn is behind the console.
"Doctor, what happened?"
"I don't know! The Dalek invasion was defeated in the 2160s! I was part of it. Check the location readout!"
"London, 2170."
The TARDIS console's central column begins to move by itself. Koryn looks to The Doctor who says quietly and gravely, "It's the Time Lords. I'm being taken to the homeworld. Things are about to get very serious."
OPENING TITLES
The Doctor and Koryn step out into a white void. Time Lords come to escort The Doctor and Koryn in different directions. Koryn looks to The Doctor who nods that it's OK. Just before they're separated, he reaches in his jacket pocket and fishes out a battered paperback book, which he hands to Koryn.
"It's not dangerous, but it can be very boring."
The Doctor is brought into a white marble room and is surprised to find his four previous incarnations waiting for him.
A white marble room
Seven: "What's the matter, fellers...Blue Meanies?"
Three: "Daleks where they shouldn't be. Where did you run into them?"
Seven: "London, 2170."
All the Doctors wince.
Six: "That would confirm our worst fears."
Lord Dezan (Alfred Burke) enters. "There is a concerted attack on your personal timeline. We have attempted to remove each of your incarnations from the timestream. We are unable to find the first two, which raises troubling possibilities."
"They are safe." Everyone turns around to see a new figure. Tall, old, dignified, elegantly dressed and easily noticeable in his bright red jacket. "I was able to warn them and hide them between dimensions. I had planned to do so for all of you, but it appears the Time Lords had the same idea."
Dezan tries to hide his surprise. "And who are you?"
"I am The Doctor. Don't ask me which number. I don't know. I'm from far in your future and this whole situation is my fault. I destroyed the Daleks – or, from your point of view, I will destroy the Daleks. It's become a fixed point. Their history can only end one way. But someone has told the Daleks from an earlier point in history of what will happen. This is their last ditch effort to destroy you and me and prevent their destruction."
Lord Dezan speaks up. "We did not bring these different incarnations to protect them. It is felt that by bringing you here, we might give you time to plan and mount counterattacks against the Daleks. There is a corresponding Dalek attack to each incarnation so each of you will be placed at an appropriate point in your timeline to handle the situation."
The Doctors agree, except for the Seventh. "Wait a minute. You're not going to put my third self up against the attack on my third self, are you? That'd be a waste of the element of surprise."
The Third Doctor responds. "I think I can see where you're going with this. Every Dalek will be expecting to find a certain version of me. If they find themselves up against a different version, they'll be on the back foot."
"Right Daleks, wrong Doctors", agrees the Sixth with a smile.
The Fifth Doctor looks to the future Doctor. "Can we take it that the Daleks are being launched from the same point in time-space? They'll only be aware of what's happening as they observe the changes to the timeline. They won't have the advantage of being able to study any historical record."
__________________
"Peter had the time travel element all mapped out. I don't think I fully understood it, but I think even Peter will acknowledge that it didn't need to make much sense. All the Doctors have to get together, here's an excuse for them to do so."
- Terrance Dicks, DVD Extra, The Wrong Doctors
__________________
"This is convoluted even for me", sighs the Fourth Doctor.
"You're both right", says the future Doctor with a smile. "I'm going to be waiting for the returning parties on the Dalek ship to destroy their units as they touch down."
"Sounds dangerous", says the Seventh. "Dezan, go to wherever you're keeping Koryn and ask her to help me. Not me me. Him me", he gestures to the future Doctor.
Just as Dezan is about to leave, the Seventh Doctor snatches the handheld computer display from him. "I assume this has information of the attacks. Aha!" He turns to the Third Doctor. "I think you'll like this one. You're about to meet Max Bolton for the very first time. Nice feller, just wishes he was Sam Spade. His office is on the planet Kipth…"
__________________
"Roger wanted to take part, but his doctor – his doctor, not his Doctor – was very strict about what Roger could and couldn't do. Peter asked him if we could do something where Roger was sitting down the whole time, if that'd be OK. He added if Roger was sitting at a desk, we could have some papers on the desk with Roger's lines, so that would take some pressure off him. The doctor said all that sounded good. Roger did as he was told and he got to save the day sitting down. He was word perfect, as ever, but he did say that knowing the lines were in view saved him some stress."
- Terrance Dicks, DVD Extra, The Wrong Doctors
__________________
1989 publicity still of Sylvester McCoy as Max Bolton PI
1989 publicity still of Sylvester McCoy as Max Bolton PI
Max Bolton, PI, is running through the mean streets of Kipth. He makes it back to his office only to notice the lights are on. He pulls out his trusty Mahgruh X-8 laser pistol but before he can kick the door open, a voice calls from within. "It's alright Max. It's me, The Doctor." Max cautiously enters the office to see the Third Doctor sitting behind his desk.
"I may look and sound different, but it's still me. I helped myself to coffee, but I cleaned up after myself." Max looks at his tiny office kitchenette to see all the washing up has been done. "There's only one guy I know in this godforsaken galaxy who enjoys washing up. It must be you, Doc."
"Haven't seen any Daleks recently, have you?"
"Ugh! Fortunately, no. I have about a dozen gangs of mooks out for my blood, but rather them than Daleks."
"Tell me about these 'mooks'."
We flash back to a few nights ago; Max is explaining events to The Doctor. "It was meant to be a simple case. Some dame had hired yours truly to see if her old man was playing house with something tall, blonde and hot-to-trot. I found where he was hanging out and it wasn't a love nest, by cracky."
"Max, you appear to have slipped from Private Eye slang to 19th Century gold prospector."
"Really? Anyway, this place he had keys to was just a room full of maps and files with a nearly dead man in the middle. I went to see if I could help him and he just said 'Take the egg, let them through'. After that he went from nearly dead to very dead."
"What did he mean?", asked The Doctor. We return to the present.
"I haven't got a clue, Doc. He didn't give me anything, but since then, I've had various guys chasing me around town shouting 'where's the egg?'"
The Doctor leans his head on his hand and appears to go to sleep. Suddenly, his eyes open and he demands "Empty your pockets!" Max obeys and there amid the transit tickets, skeleton keys and candy bars is a metallic egg. Its surface is complex with what could be hundreds of facets.
"He hid it on your person as you bent over him. This is not good, Max. This is a Dalek time portal, an army of Daleks could flood through if it was activated . Your wayward husband case was a Dalek agent, presumably promised some position of power. Fool! Still, at least we have it now. You haven't had any visitors so far, so I think we have a little time to play with. I'm just going to the TARDIS. I parked it in this little side room, I trust that's alright with you."
The Doctor walks to the TARDIS, [1] leaving Max on his own. No sooner has The Doctor gone than the police burst in, charge him murder and carry him away. As Max is being dragged out of his office, concealed in the stairwell is a group of very dangerous looking men waiting for the office to be left empty.
As we cut to a moody shot of Max in the back seat of a futuristic squad car, we hear his internal monologue.
Me getting pulled in for icing the guy was bughouse. Sure, I'd be a suspect, but they'd have to have something more to actually slap the bracelets on me. I shoulda realized that if things get bughouse and The Doc is in town, it's no coincidence. Things were so crazy, I wasn't all that surprised when Sergeant O'Malley turned the car around and let me out slap bang outside my office. Actually, he's called Peacekeeper Advanced Norgax but he lets me call him Sergeant O'Malley.
Max is about to enter the building that contains his office when he hears the voices of a bunch of 'goons' who are on their way out. Max presses himself against the wall and is horrified to see that they have the egg! Once they're gone, Max dashes in and up the stairs to his office. "Doc! What gives?" The Doctor is slumped forward. His voice is weak.
"They used a neural disruptor, Max. I couldn't stand it. I had to give it to them."
"How'd they get a neural disruptor tuned to a Time Lord nervous system?"
The Doctor suddenly brightens up. "They didn't! Bear with me, Max. I have my reasons. I think we're about to have visitors and it's time for me to play Easter Bunny again."
The Doctor makes the egg appear in his grasp through sleight of hand.
The Doc I know is sly, but gentle. He's no loser, but he'll play the loser to get his own way. I was not sure about this guy. Was The Doc always a good guy? He looked the devil in every Earth cartoon I'd ever seen. His next request didn't make me feel any better.
"Max, gag yourself with this handkerchief and hold your arms behind you're back as if you've been tied to the chair."
I trusted The Doc just enough to play along, but I had butterflies in my stomach. When the "visitors"arrived, the butterflies moved out to make room for a whole colony of very large bats. Our new guests represented Orvu Denn. Denn is fifty-seven years of bile, paranoia, greed and violence poured into a ten-thousand credit suit.
One of the goons speaks: "Who are you and what's the deal with Bolton?"
"I am Colonel Wer Quien (retired). I found this bungler trying to find a very special egg. I'm trying to cut down on eggs, very bad for the hearts, y'know"
__________________
"Roger added that line in rehearsal."
- Terrance Dicks, DVD Extra, The Wrong Doctors
__________________
"However, if you're in the market for eggs, I do have one to sell. Shall we say fifteen-thousand?"
The Doc was playing a very dangerous game, but everything about him said he had nerves of iridium. After a couple of eternities and a side of forever I could see that the mighty Denn gang was going to blink.
"Ten."
"Twelve."
"Done."
"Congratulations, you've bought yourself an egg."
The goons pass The Doctor a translucent red plastic slab, about the size of two boxes of matches laid end to end.
With that the Denn boys left like lambs. The Doc indicated I could take my gag off.
"What gives Doc? I thought that thing was dangerous."
"The original is very dangerous, which is why it's still in my TARDIS. What I've been handing out is the product of the TARDIS replicator; completely inert."
He opens Max's desk drawer. It's full of metal eggs!
"There should be enough for every interested party and if you continue to be my 'hostage', then it should keep you safe from reprisals as it's Colonel Quien who's doing these deals"; he holds up the red credit slab. "Besides, twelve thousand credits should be enough to set you up in a new office out of reach of any 'bad guys'.”
"Colonel Quien" cut a few more deals that night and submitted to tortures that didn't mean squat to a Time Lord.
We see The Doctor sitting at the TARDIS console, turning dials and switching switches, his face is grave.
Not long after I set up in my new and expensive office on Cablou 5, I heard from a mutual friend that The Doc did activate that Dalek portal, right next to a very large, very fierce sun. A couple thousand roasted Daleks later he went back to his home planet. I'm glad The Doc is a good guy, 'cause when the situation calls for it, he's badder than the baddest bad guys I know.
[1] As Roger Delgado is meant to stay seated, I imagine this is achieved by cutting to a closeup of McCoy tracking his gaze across the office, indicating the movement we can't see.
Next time: A little bit of politics
Thanks to Andrew Hickey for his help with the plot and Gary Rodger for help with the formatting
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Head Canon: Publicity still of Sylvester McCoy as Max Bolton with Sophie Aldred as his snarky secretary.
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It's Dicks and Hammond who've written over each other enough that neither them feel like it's a script that should have their names on it. Neither's sure which ideas belong to which writer.
Max has to give his secretary a name that sounds like a starlet of old Hollywood. He's named her Brooke Taylor and The Doctor hasn't the heart(s) to tell him.
Max has to give his secretary a name that sounds like a starlet of old Hollywood. He's named her Brooke Taylor and The Doctor hasn't the heart(s) to tell him.
She's probably smarter than Max, and constantly has save him from making some grievous errors with his investigations.
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Cheers. A few questions. Who would be the producers/director/composer for the Wrong Doctors? And how long would the runtime be?