People's Democratic Republic of Australia (one-shot scenario)

The People’s Democratic Republic of Australia

Election Saturday 27 October 2018, and its aftermath

Government:

The Party: At the last biennial congress in Brisbane in July of this year, the Council of Deputies re-nominated the Dear Leader J. Winston Howard the Elder, for his eighteenth successive term as President. He, in turn, appointed each of the Deputies to fill 150 of the 151 seats in Parliament.

In his speech for the re-opening of Parliament, the Beloved Father J. Winston Howard the Elder welcomed the news of 37 years of uninterrupted economic growth, and that he asked the MPs to pass an enabling act for all citizens to enjoy at least two meals a day, with meat at least once a week, and named meat at least once a month.

Opposition:

United Australia: The leader and sole MP of the United Australia Party, Clive F. Palmer, thanked the citizens of Australia in giving his party a clean sweep in the latest elections, winning every available seat.

In his inaugural speech, he said that he looks forward to being an effective voice for the Loyal Opposition, and that he hopes, with the blessing of the Sun of the Nation J. Winston Howard the Elder, to create a dinosaur theme park greater than any which the world has ever seen, hosted inside the full-size replica ship, Titanic II.

Non-Parliamentary Parties:

Labor: The leader of the party, the outgoing MP Kevin Rudd, thanked the voting public for the trust they had showed in the last election by electing him to Parliament. He said that he would continue to strive to better the lot of unemployed workers through his personal efforts even now that he was no longer in the legislature. At present he is the only person on the official roll of the unemployed.

Constitutional Monarchists: The leader of the Constitutional Monarchists, Earle Duke, issued a statement saying that he would continue to encourage the World Leader of the 21st Century, J. Winston Howard the Elder, to accept the crown.

Nationals: No representative of the National Party was available for public comment after their failure to win any seats in Parliament at the last election. The party later issued a statement denying the rumours that this was because they had been too drunk in premature celebration of their expected victory in the election; this was surprising because up until that point no-one had known of the existence of those rumours.

Sex Party: The leader of the Sex Party, Anne Ominous, said that she was gratified to see how many citizens had voted for Sex, that she looked forward to her role as the alternative opposition, and that she was ready to tackle the proposition of a parliamentary career. When questioned whether she meant prospect rather than proposition, she replied that either worked.

Help End Marijuana Prohibition (HEMP): The leader of HEMP, Nigel Freemarijuana, commented that he looked forward to continuing his role as head of the government-in-exile for occupied Nimbin, and that the Invincible and Triumphant General J. Winston Howard the Elder would have the full support of him and his government-in-exile in the event that war with the southern enemy resumed. When questioned what he meant by full support, he said that both members of the government-in-exile would offer a joint statement in support of the cause.

Shooters: No representatives of the Shooters were available for public comment after their failure to win any seats in Parliament at the last election. Their press secretary issued a statement that they were too busy patrolling the banks of the Tweed in case the demilitarised zone turned out not to be.

Australian: The leader of the Australian Party, Robert C Katter II, issued a statement saying that he regretted not winning election, but that he trusted the wisdom of the voting public and the perpetual guidance of the Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have, J. Winston Howard the Elder. He said that he intended to spend his next two years in opposition promoting the growth of the native Australian ethanol industry and researching the crocodile problem in northern Australia, and noted that the latter problem often followed the former.
 
:confused:
Sydney boy little Johnny couldn't cut it in Banana Land.
Clearly a number of people from south of the Tweed have moved north, including Clive F Palmer and Nigel Freemarjiuana. (Both real people, for those who don't know Australian politics). Precisely how the Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander J. Winston Howard the Elder ended up in Queensland and in charge has not been specified, but it's unlikely to have been an entirely peaceful process.
 
Democracy in the DRA doesn’t need to be “guided” by the hand of an “eternal” leader. South of the demark line we do fine with the Liberal Institutional Democratic Party of Imperial and Dominion Labor and the opposition. Sure the leadership spills are regular, but the people demand the leader they need. During the small native birds smuggling crisis who can deny that we needed a woman in power?

For one, I trust the Centrists to keep the bastards honest. Team X does great work even if they’re all from Adelaide. And as far as Australia’s hydro driven opium industry Lambers does fine.

Enthusiastic four wheel drivers are a great bogan balance to the round vowels of inner city LIDdle PIDdLe leaders. Sure they’re more bogan than Country Little piddle. They’re more bogan than Country Nationalist, but there you go. Someone must be the most bogan. And unlike the Counties at least he isn’t A Bit of Piss like the first, and unlike the other Country he isn’t lapping them up from the edges.

What I can’t handle is the hypocrisy of Australian Slaves of Christ and the Catholic Democratic Party being unable to work together.

Or the Party of Australian Freedom supporting all the US Alliance and Free Trade work of the liddle pissers, but turns about and won’t let in reffo banana benders or kiwis or saarmoaners. And they won’t vote to allow people to get out to Nauru, or to legalize any of the Partys down here. Hell, the PAF won’t shut down the continuous Royal Commission into Leaderslander Infiltration of the Environmental Movement. The only one who does any good there is Walkies, the former secret policemen who blew the lid on incursions into the North. And Walkies isn’t exactly the most coaligned with extra parliamentary “greenie” sentiment.

No for me the correct response to eternal return of a pack of piss to government is to vote centrist. When only one kind of voice hegemonises the electorate the only way to unseat them is with sensible middle of the road politics.

It’s not like change will come from the more pisser than pissers Country Council of Trade Unions or the ineffectual greens.

Yours,
Sam R.

(If this is more obtuse, it is only due to libel law).
 
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J Winston Howard.

That wouldn't be spin bowling extraordinaire Johnny Howard would it? The idea of a Comrade John Howard has me in stitches (would be a very strange universe). Also for those curious, yes the Sex Party and HEMP Party actually exist here (would make a good coalition, just don't bring shooters into it, not a combination that would end up well).
 
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