Nobody cares about what Finland wants because if they want to come with they have to prove to the bigoted Swedes that they are not a bunch of primitive poor uneducated Russian peasants that like to drink kosinkorva and fight whit knifes. (I don’t want to make any Finns angry but these were the common stereotypes of Finnish people in Sweden long into the 70is in Sweden).
If it has been a Finnish problem to be envious of Swedish wealth and comparative position in the world, that attitude towards the Finns would be the Swedish problem. It would be very hard to pull Finland into a Nordic cooperation if Sweden continues to belittle Finland and Finnish wants/needs. In terms of foreign politics and in terms of, say, economy and culture.
The whole Åland debacle is a case in point: to gain a flyspeck of a province, the Swedish government was ready to piss off a large part of the population of its new independent neighbour. Trying to gain the islands was hardly prudent policy, in diplomatic terms. But if the Swedish polical elite thinks the Finns are nothing but a bunch of illiterate peasants and maybe even that Finnish independence from Russia is only a temporary situation, how could we make them take Finland and working with the Finns (in good faith) seriously?
Is there anybody that have any Idea how the other Nordic countries SDPs could help Oskari Tokoi navigate away Finland from the abyss of Civil war?
The problem, basically, was that there was a military/police vacuum in Finland. The Russian state had abolished the Finnish military and when Russia itself descended into chaos, it could not keep order in Finland. Rebelling Russian sailors were running around Helsinki killing their officers and nobody felt safe on the streets. The formation of the bourgeois Civil Guards and the Socialist Order Guards (later Red Guards) was a direct consequence.
So, while it is hard to avoid the civil war altogether, there are ways to make it almost a non-event. For example, I have seen it suggested that if we could find a way of making the SDP a part of the first Svinhufvud senate, the so-called independence senate, in the event of a Red rebellion the party would have split up into pro- and anti-government factions. When IOTL the extremists basically hijacked the whole party organization, in this ATL case the SDP moderates like Tanner could have marginalized the left fringe and worked together with the bourgeois parties to put down the revolt.
"Tanner" would have been known as a similar derogatory term as "Noske" was among the far left in Finland, but the war itself could have been just a couple of battles in the bigger towns and might have ended in a couple of weeks. Avoiding the OTL escalation and radicalization on both sides would have worked immensely in Finland's favour.