The Great Elmo Massacre of 1996
A shipper's revolt in China breaks out just after Rosie O'Donnell unwittingly unleashes a horde of rabid mouth-frothing hausefraus upon the stores of America.
The target of obsession? Tickle-Me Elmo.
With supplies of TME dwindling to a trickle thanks to the revolt, demand reaches critical mass. Rumors of a single TME doll available in FAO Swartz send maddened shoppers storing the store before opening. Dozens are killed in the ensuing melee. A store manager in Duluth is lynched by irate housewives when he's found to be holding out on three TMEs.
Things get worse. Boston in burned to the ground in a shopper-driven riot. LA erupts into race war when a white store owner refuses to sell a TME to a black woman. The National Guard resorts to tear gas to break up a crowd that held a mall in Peoria hostage until TMEs were delivered.
In the end hundreds of deaths and thousands of injuries were sustained in the ensuing chaos of the 96 Christmas season, including Ms. O'Donnell who was assassinated by the husband of a TME riot victim.
Kevin Clash (voice of Elmo), personally bought a 30-minute time slot to chastise the events and announced his retirement from Children's television until Americans learned the errors of their madness. Other children's entertainment stars followed suit.
Congress soon passes the Holiday Violence Suppression Act, or "Elmo Bill", that recalls Guard and Reserve units to patrol malls during the holiday season as peace keepers and makes hypermarketing of items punishable by fine and revocation of business license.
Starting on the third Friday of November - Black Friday - retailers don black ribbons in solemn remembrance of those who died in the name of holiday madness.
To this day Americans remember the terrifying events of 1996. They recall the horror and insanity that gripped the nation in what is supposed to be a time of peace and joy. The police and guard stand ready, but shoppers police their own, refusing to tolerate a pushy or vindictive shopper, remembering all too well what destruction such madness can breed.