Chapter 1: An old beginning ~ Or how Agus and Toño got into a Pissing Contest
Very well, as many of you already know, there was a day in which I did an alternate timeline about the Mexican Empire. This one was going to run from October 1822, when the POD forced Agustín I to keep on his travel to Veracruz to confront Santa Anna (and make him eat his own “bluff”) instead of returning to Mexico City to celebrate the birth of one of the princes, and unintentionally causing the end of the First Empire. I promised that the timeline would actually run from that day until the modern day…
And I failed you all, after my laptop suffered a HDD failure, and my inspiration failed me to give me a chapter. And it’s been almost a year ever since I last posted on that other thread.
In this 2nd try, what I am going to do, aside of restarting the whole timeline and correcting some continuity errors, I am going to put in a few more surprises. With some more research done, and a few corrections, I'm proud to say that this version might be even better than the original. It will still go as far as modern day Mexico, and I will try to cover as much of this world as possible.
So, here comes the first chapter. Still using the same deadpan dark comedy style that made the previous timeline so loved by its audience.
Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna was, back in the day, one of Mexico’s most beloved and well-known generals, according to his fellow military commanders. He was popular with his men, wealthy, kept many friends and political connections, and above all, had sired many children and a lot of bastards too.
Pictured above, Santa Anna.
It is of no surprise that he was also vying for power. Power was the only thing in his mind. For such ends, he wished to legally gain access to the Imperial throne by marrying off to His Majesty’s sexagenarian sister [1]. However, this proposal was obviously vetoed by the Emperor, who promptly sent him off to his home state, Veracruz, in a failed effort to get rid of him. Santa Anna had also another problem: He had absolutely no foresight at all, going into all sorts of crazy schemes to get himself more glory, power, and wealth, if what he already had was not enough. This extended also to illegitimate children, which most of them, ironically, have been forgotten by history. And for the purpose of obtaining more wealth at the expense of his own men and to try to make the Emperor look incompetent by making himself look like a prime leader for Mexico, he had come to think on a plan that would land him even more of the three mentioned above: Take San Juan de Ulúa, the last Spaniard stronghold in Continental Mexico. To do so, in paper he was going to stage a naval invasion of the island fortification, but instead of that, he was going to use these reinforcements to attack Mexico City.
And here... we have Agustín I
On Mexico City, we had Agustín I. Born from Spaniard parents, and an all-round Mexican; he was what in modern terms would be considered a “Scoundrel”, if we have to put it in the language of those Yankee barbarians and for the benefit of the forumgoers on this place. He’s someone who is a complete opportunist, even if it means screwing everyone for personal benefit, but not by blindly going into any opportunity, but by knowing which opportunities he had to take, and when to do so. Or like us Mexicans would say, “colmilludo”[2]. He was also surrounded by either yes-men or enemies. The latter, for better or worse, were the most numerous of the lot: Due to the fact he was staunchly against the republican ideals held by the liberals, he had no concept of letting go off his newly found power, provided to him by the same congress that hates his guts for reasons yet to be considered coherent, and beloved by the people of Mexico City, the rural elites and the indigenous population of the Mexican highlands.
It's worth mentioning that he did sympathize with the ideals of equality and freedom, but unfortunately these social issues had to take a back seat, since there were many problems that were upon the country, like a ruined economy and a demographical disaster that a 11 year civil war would be; so right now trying to secure the country and finding a way to contain the economic issues were the most sensible route instead of going into republican pipe dreams that the opposition wanted. Freedom for all social classes was given, however, as slavery had been illegal since the early days of the Independence War, and even the most anti-Imperial factions preferred it to be this way, lest they ended as human piñatas.
The Imperial Court
Santa Anna’s proposal to take the San Juan de Ulúa fort from the Spanish garrison on that place seemed like the paramount of ill-conceived plans. However, Iturbide was playing an all-or-nothing: If Santa Anna somehow managed to die, either by the Spaniard arms or by his own stupidity, he would not have any other enemies that could undermine his power, at least in the short term. Or at least that’s what he thought. But if Santa Anna succeeded, his position as Emperor would be threatened, and given the actions of other shady characters behind the scenes, which includes so many wonderful figures such as de Bustamante [3] and de Herrera y Ricardos [4], men which were supposed to be loyal to him, but were conspiring with many other liberals behind the scenes, and an American envoy which should not have had anything to do with all this. [5]
The reason for this was Miguel Santa María, a staunch Republican Liberal, and Plenipotentiary Envoy to Gran Colombia on behalf of the Mexican Empire, who, for whatever reason, he thought that, with all of the advancements that the United States had when repulsing the British and the Spanish from their country, they were a better role model and had a “better governing model” than the “Imperial Dictatorship” that Iturbide had. He declined going to the coronation ceremony, citing “health problems” as a reason for his absence, and spent most of his time cajoling with dissenters and Joel R. Poinsett. During his tenure in Veracruz, he attempted to convince many other military commanders to join his cause. One of them, was Santa Anna, who was promised that he would get a shot on to ruling the country if there was a Republic. Or at least that's what we think.
Anyway, in an ideal world, democracy prevails and people dance with puppies in rainbow-coloured backgrounds while unicorns puke rainbows and canaries are chirping lovely music; however, this being early Mexico and taking in account the later turn of events during these two centuries, a democracy as played by these fools was a straight path to either an American annexation or a complete disaster (Bugger me, those two are redundant).
So, in a strange turn of events, Agustín I greenlighted his plan to retake San Juan de Ulúa for the late week of October in 1822. He was given strict guidelines on how to do so, however.[6]
A bird's view of San Juan de Ulúa in the modern day. Back then, it was not connected by a land bridge.
Against all advices given off by Santa María to just waltz into Agustin's tent and kill him (which would have doomed the Empire into an era of warlords), Santa Anna proceeded with the plan to retake San Juan de Ulúa in October 28, 1822. In spite of not having any big ships or heavy artillery, Santa Anna managed to take the fort by grabbing every available fishing boat available and rowing all the distance to San Juan de Ulúa. Agustín I, in the meanwhile, took the few ships available from the Mexican Navy (mostly ships that were stolen from the Spanish) and began to use whatever artillery they could find and fire away at the fortress.
Everything went without a hitch: The battle was won, the Spaniards were finally expelled from Mexico, with the survivors given safe passage back to Spanish-held Cuba, and everyone rejoiced... except for Santa Anna.
See, it was during this battle, that a stray shot from the brigantine Independencia, the flagship of the improvised Mexican fleet, blew up Santa Anna into shrimp food (It was an accident! I swear!). Agustín I then had to rally the remaining soldiers onto not fleeing the assault, and he even jumped into San Juan de Ulúa himself for a piece of the action, where he proceeded to remind everyone why he was nicknamed The Iron Dragon.
According to eyewitness, this was His Majesty's reaction when he saw the Imperial Flag raised over San Juan de Ulúa, and also, it's likely this was also his reaction when he learned that the gerontophile of Santa Anna and the guys on his boat were turned into shrimp food by a cannon ball. More exaggerated portrayals mention that he whispered "¡A Huevo!".
By this, Santa María’s plan to overthrow the Empire was thrown a wrench and caused him to rethink his strategies on how to deal with toppling the Empire. Time was running out, and they somehow had to also try to court the United States into helping them somehow into toppling the Empire. And, the United States’ envoy, Poinsett, of whom we’ve talked a few times before, was there to provide help and anything that the dissenters wanted.
And as for Agustín I, he had bought himself some extra time, for now. The National Congress was still filled by Republicans, and from many members of the Scottish Rite [7] which wanted him out of the picture for “going against the principles on which Mexico gained independence”; a bit counterfactual, based on the fact that Mexico was supposed to be a monarchy from the get-go, and one of the articles of the Treaty of Córdoba already said that any Mexican could be proclaimed as Emperor. However, the death of Santa Anna after the retaking of San Juan de Ulúa also made him more popular with the people, by placing him as the man who gave the approval of the plan, and Santa Anna as a martyr of the Mexican cause. But for now, everyone was thrilled with this victory, and none would have nightmares of the Spaniards appearing out of thin air to cut down the Crowned Eagle [8] and replacing it with the Cross of Burgundy in the Zócalo.
The Mexican Empire was up to a rough start, regardless of all this.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] I am not making that up. Yes, it happened, yes, it was vetoed by Agustín for blatantly obvious reasons, and yes, you already can go for a bottle of brain bleach. Sadly, I forgot the source.
[2] Sharp fanged. In Mexico, the term is used to describe people who manage to come out on top by sheer ballsiness or ingenuity or a mix of the two. Also, OTL Iturbide did wanted a constitutional monarchy and elected heads of government, if his memories are to be believed; however, he considered that Mexico was not yet ready for either one of them on the get-go.
[3] Carlos María de Bustamante.
[4] José Joaquín Antonio Florencio de Herrera y Ricardos
[5] Joel R. Poinsett.
[6] This is the POD of this part of the world. OTL, Agustín I vetoed the plan, and sent another general to take Santa Anna as a prisoner. However, Santa Anna bribed him into joining his side, and López de Santa Anna and Santa María ended up redacting the Plan de Casa Mata. Agustín actually tried to put him in his place by heading off to Veracruz himself in November 1822 to put the two of them down. However, he ended up losing more time due to the fact that the Empress had given birth to another prince, and he postponed the attack. And by the time he had his forces ready in December, the rebels were ready to start the insurrection, and by March 1823, Iturbide abdicated. This time around, Iturbide more or less green-lights him in a bid to distract the attention from the opposition to something else and allow himself a bit more time to deal with the remaining opposition, most of them based in the provinces of Nueva Santander (nowadays Tamaulipas, Coahuila, Nuevo León and Texas) and in the Senate.
[7] OTL, there were two main Masonic rites in Mexico after the Independence: the Reformed Scottish rite, siding with the Conservatives and brought by Spaniard representatives, and the York rite, established by Poinsett, as a way to influence the politicians in Mexico to side with the U.S. and convince them of obtaining the northern states. These Masonic lodges wielded a lot of influence, and their rivalry was among one of the many causes of the political violence in Mexico, aside from the obvious ideological differences. However, in the early days of the Empire, they could only agree that Iturbide had to be removed from power.
[8] "Aguila Coronada". Nickname for the Mexican Flag (akin to how the U.S. flag is called "the Stars and Stripes")
---------------------------------------------
Next chapter:
Another dynasty that arises from the fires of revolution!
This time, in Asia. And you won't have an idea of where did this came from.
And I failed you all, after my laptop suffered a HDD failure, and my inspiration failed me to give me a chapter. And it’s been almost a year ever since I last posted on that other thread.
In this 2nd try, what I am going to do, aside of restarting the whole timeline and correcting some continuity errors, I am going to put in a few more surprises. With some more research done, and a few corrections, I'm proud to say that this version might be even better than the original. It will still go as far as modern day Mexico, and I will try to cover as much of this world as possible.
So, here comes the first chapter. Still using the same deadpan dark comedy style that made the previous timeline so loved by its audience.
Mexicanos, ¡Valientes Seguid!
A timeline by Vault Boy.
1st flag of the Mexican Empire
A timeline by Vault Boy.
1st flag of the Mexican Empire
Chapter 1:
An old beginning ~ Or how Agus and Toño got into a Pissing Contest
An old beginning ~ Or how Agus and Toño got into a Pissing Contest
Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna was, back in the day, one of Mexico’s most beloved and well-known generals, according to his fellow military commanders. He was popular with his men, wealthy, kept many friends and political connections, and above all, had sired many children and a lot of bastards too.
Pictured above, Santa Anna.
It is of no surprise that he was also vying for power. Power was the only thing in his mind. For such ends, he wished to legally gain access to the Imperial throne by marrying off to His Majesty’s sexagenarian sister [1]. However, this proposal was obviously vetoed by the Emperor, who promptly sent him off to his home state, Veracruz, in a failed effort to get rid of him. Santa Anna had also another problem: He had absolutely no foresight at all, going into all sorts of crazy schemes to get himself more glory, power, and wealth, if what he already had was not enough. This extended also to illegitimate children, which most of them, ironically, have been forgotten by history. And for the purpose of obtaining more wealth at the expense of his own men and to try to make the Emperor look incompetent by making himself look like a prime leader for Mexico, he had come to think on a plan that would land him even more of the three mentioned above: Take San Juan de Ulúa, the last Spaniard stronghold in Continental Mexico. To do so, in paper he was going to stage a naval invasion of the island fortification, but instead of that, he was going to use these reinforcements to attack Mexico City.
And here... we have Agustín I
On Mexico City, we had Agustín I. Born from Spaniard parents, and an all-round Mexican; he was what in modern terms would be considered a “Scoundrel”, if we have to put it in the language of those Yankee barbarians and for the benefit of the forumgoers on this place. He’s someone who is a complete opportunist, even if it means screwing everyone for personal benefit, but not by blindly going into any opportunity, but by knowing which opportunities he had to take, and when to do so. Or like us Mexicans would say, “colmilludo”[2]. He was also surrounded by either yes-men or enemies. The latter, for better or worse, were the most numerous of the lot: Due to the fact he was staunchly against the republican ideals held by the liberals, he had no concept of letting go off his newly found power, provided to him by the same congress that hates his guts for reasons yet to be considered coherent, and beloved by the people of Mexico City, the rural elites and the indigenous population of the Mexican highlands.
It's worth mentioning that he did sympathize with the ideals of equality and freedom, but unfortunately these social issues had to take a back seat, since there were many problems that were upon the country, like a ruined economy and a demographical disaster that a 11 year civil war would be; so right now trying to secure the country and finding a way to contain the economic issues were the most sensible route instead of going into republican pipe dreams that the opposition wanted. Freedom for all social classes was given, however, as slavery had been illegal since the early days of the Independence War, and even the most anti-Imperial factions preferred it to be this way, lest they ended as human piñatas.
The Imperial Court
Santa Anna’s proposal to take the San Juan de Ulúa fort from the Spanish garrison on that place seemed like the paramount of ill-conceived plans. However, Iturbide was playing an all-or-nothing: If Santa Anna somehow managed to die, either by the Spaniard arms or by his own stupidity, he would not have any other enemies that could undermine his power, at least in the short term. Or at least that’s what he thought. But if Santa Anna succeeded, his position as Emperor would be threatened, and given the actions of other shady characters behind the scenes, which includes so many wonderful figures such as de Bustamante [3] and de Herrera y Ricardos [4], men which were supposed to be loyal to him, but were conspiring with many other liberals behind the scenes, and an American envoy which should not have had anything to do with all this. [5]
The reason for this was Miguel Santa María, a staunch Republican Liberal, and Plenipotentiary Envoy to Gran Colombia on behalf of the Mexican Empire, who, for whatever reason, he thought that, with all of the advancements that the United States had when repulsing the British and the Spanish from their country, they were a better role model and had a “better governing model” than the “Imperial Dictatorship” that Iturbide had. He declined going to the coronation ceremony, citing “health problems” as a reason for his absence, and spent most of his time cajoling with dissenters and Joel R. Poinsett. During his tenure in Veracruz, he attempted to convince many other military commanders to join his cause. One of them, was Santa Anna, who was promised that he would get a shot on to ruling the country if there was a Republic. Or at least that's what we think.
Anyway, in an ideal world, democracy prevails and people dance with puppies in rainbow-coloured backgrounds while unicorns puke rainbows and canaries are chirping lovely music; however, this being early Mexico and taking in account the later turn of events during these two centuries, a democracy as played by these fools was a straight path to either an American annexation or a complete disaster (Bugger me, those two are redundant).
So, in a strange turn of events, Agustín I greenlighted his plan to retake San Juan de Ulúa for the late week of October in 1822. He was given strict guidelines on how to do so, however.[6]
A bird's view of San Juan de Ulúa in the modern day. Back then, it was not connected by a land bridge.
Against all advices given off by Santa María to just waltz into Agustin's tent and kill him (which would have doomed the Empire into an era of warlords), Santa Anna proceeded with the plan to retake San Juan de Ulúa in October 28, 1822. In spite of not having any big ships or heavy artillery, Santa Anna managed to take the fort by grabbing every available fishing boat available and rowing all the distance to San Juan de Ulúa. Agustín I, in the meanwhile, took the few ships available from the Mexican Navy (mostly ships that were stolen from the Spanish) and began to use whatever artillery they could find and fire away at the fortress.
Everything went without a hitch: The battle was won, the Spaniards were finally expelled from Mexico, with the survivors given safe passage back to Spanish-held Cuba, and everyone rejoiced... except for Santa Anna.
See, it was during this battle, that a stray shot from the brigantine Independencia, the flagship of the improvised Mexican fleet, blew up Santa Anna into shrimp food (It was an accident! I swear!). Agustín I then had to rally the remaining soldiers onto not fleeing the assault, and he even jumped into San Juan de Ulúa himself for a piece of the action, where he proceeded to remind everyone why he was nicknamed The Iron Dragon.
According to eyewitness, this was His Majesty's reaction when he saw the Imperial Flag raised over San Juan de Ulúa, and also, it's likely this was also his reaction when he learned that the gerontophile of Santa Anna and the guys on his boat were turned into shrimp food by a cannon ball. More exaggerated portrayals mention that he whispered "¡A Huevo!".
By this, Santa María’s plan to overthrow the Empire was thrown a wrench and caused him to rethink his strategies on how to deal with toppling the Empire. Time was running out, and they somehow had to also try to court the United States into helping them somehow into toppling the Empire. And, the United States’ envoy, Poinsett, of whom we’ve talked a few times before, was there to provide help and anything that the dissenters wanted.
And as for Agustín I, he had bought himself some extra time, for now. The National Congress was still filled by Republicans, and from many members of the Scottish Rite [7] which wanted him out of the picture for “going against the principles on which Mexico gained independence”; a bit counterfactual, based on the fact that Mexico was supposed to be a monarchy from the get-go, and one of the articles of the Treaty of Córdoba already said that any Mexican could be proclaimed as Emperor. However, the death of Santa Anna after the retaking of San Juan de Ulúa also made him more popular with the people, by placing him as the man who gave the approval of the plan, and Santa Anna as a martyr of the Mexican cause. But for now, everyone was thrilled with this victory, and none would have nightmares of the Spaniards appearing out of thin air to cut down the Crowned Eagle [8] and replacing it with the Cross of Burgundy in the Zócalo.
The Mexican Empire was up to a rough start, regardless of all this.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] I am not making that up. Yes, it happened, yes, it was vetoed by Agustín for blatantly obvious reasons, and yes, you already can go for a bottle of brain bleach. Sadly, I forgot the source.
[2] Sharp fanged. In Mexico, the term is used to describe people who manage to come out on top by sheer ballsiness or ingenuity or a mix of the two. Also, OTL Iturbide did wanted a constitutional monarchy and elected heads of government, if his memories are to be believed; however, he considered that Mexico was not yet ready for either one of them on the get-go.
[3] Carlos María de Bustamante.
[4] José Joaquín Antonio Florencio de Herrera y Ricardos
[5] Joel R. Poinsett.
[6] This is the POD of this part of the world. OTL, Agustín I vetoed the plan, and sent another general to take Santa Anna as a prisoner. However, Santa Anna bribed him into joining his side, and López de Santa Anna and Santa María ended up redacting the Plan de Casa Mata. Agustín actually tried to put him in his place by heading off to Veracruz himself in November 1822 to put the two of them down. However, he ended up losing more time due to the fact that the Empress had given birth to another prince, and he postponed the attack. And by the time he had his forces ready in December, the rebels were ready to start the insurrection, and by March 1823, Iturbide abdicated. This time around, Iturbide more or less green-lights him in a bid to distract the attention from the opposition to something else and allow himself a bit more time to deal with the remaining opposition, most of them based in the provinces of Nueva Santander (nowadays Tamaulipas, Coahuila, Nuevo León and Texas) and in the Senate.
[7] OTL, there were two main Masonic rites in Mexico after the Independence: the Reformed Scottish rite, siding with the Conservatives and brought by Spaniard representatives, and the York rite, established by Poinsett, as a way to influence the politicians in Mexico to side with the U.S. and convince them of obtaining the northern states. These Masonic lodges wielded a lot of influence, and their rivalry was among one of the many causes of the political violence in Mexico, aside from the obvious ideological differences. However, in the early days of the Empire, they could only agree that Iturbide had to be removed from power.
[8] "Aguila Coronada". Nickname for the Mexican Flag (akin to how the U.S. flag is called "the Stars and Stripes")
---------------------------------------------
Next chapter:
Another dynasty that arises from the fires of revolution!
This time, in Asia. And you won't have an idea of where did this came from.
