Leaves in the Wind: a Nano-TL

The winds of fate blow randomly, as much in the literal sense as the poetic. Certainly we will never know what random climatological event caused the Great Divide which led to the fall of so ancient and historical of a nation. What butterfly's ill-timed flap of wing? What unfortunate Bantu sneeze? What incontinent sheep did deliver so fateful of a change in winds such that the fated Leaf Of A Thousand Tons would fall, as it did, onto the lawn of discord?

It is said to have begun as an argument over said leaf, last of the season's yellowed autumn foliage. All of its compatriots had days since fallen as they are wont to do in the autumnal season, yet this lone straggler had held on until late in October when the fateful wind caused it to drift lazily to the west over onto the lawn of Ingrid Ganz. This minor event might have met with nary a shrug had Frau Ganz not already been in regular and heated argument with neighbor Helga Ingersol over the dispositions of the latter's leaves. This was, it would seem, the leaf that broke the donkey's back. Frau Ganz, lost in that moment to the passions of vengeful anger, stormed down Frongassstrasse in Eschen to her neighbor's house where the ensuing argument turned violent, then bloody.

With the trickling line of blood rushing from Frau Ingersol's nose the die had been cast. The first blood had been spilt in the Great Liechtensteiner Civil War.

From Fall of the House of Liechtenstein: History of the Great Liechtensteiner Balkanization of 1982 by Professor Helmuth von Munkey, University of Trimport.
 
The Liechtensteiner Civil War heated up that evening when Herr Ingersol became aware of the Ganzian assault on his wife. Full of righteous anger, he stormed to a local Gasthaus where Herr Ganz was known to visit after work. The ensuing argument grew, encompassing friends of both parties. Needless to say, alcohol was involved in the incident. Soon the Ingersolian and Ganzian factions came to blows, the violence spreading into the guests-at-large where lingering resentments over the results of a local youth sports game exploded with the violent release of buried tensions.

For the first time in years the Landespolizei was deployed to keep order, but the undersized and underequipped force was barely able to contain the conflagration. With containment facilities too small to hold the entire group, the Gasthaus itself was made into a temporary holding facility while a local Sergeant attempted to diffuse the situation.

All might well have returned to normal at this point had one of the patrons not been young Klaus Weissenegger, a known local anarchist agitator whose actions up until this point had never gone beyond badly-photocopied fliers. Denouncing the "fascist use of force" in containing the near-riot, Herr Weissenegger managed to reagitate the simmering crowd, which exploded again into violence. This time the Landespolizei were unable to contain the riot, which quickly spread into the surrounding streets of Eschen.

From Fall of the House of Liechtenstein: History of the Great Liechtensteiner Balkanization of 1982 by Professor Helmuth von Munkey, University of Trimport.
 
By the third day of the violence Eschen had descended into chaos and neighbors Switzerland and Austria had closed the borders. Eschen was divided into Ganzian and Ingersolian factions and in nearby Mauren youth were taking advantage of the distracted police force to commit smash-and-grab petty theft. Amidst this chaos Herr Weisenegger rallied a growing faction of the disaffected lower-middle-upper class youth and seized the hamlet of Schaanwald, declaring the People's Democratic Republic of Schaanwald and raising the red banner high atop nearby foothills.

Immediately reactionary elements joined the fray. Vestigial fascist elements of the National Union party marched in Vaduz, demanding the restoration of the Liechtenstein Army in order to restore order from "Marxist revolution". Counter-marches by a coalition of centrist and leftist factions clashed with the Rightists in the streets. Dozens were inconvenienced.

Amidst the street clashes a young police corporal named Grubershickel attempted to organize a militant putsch from a local beer hall. His dozens of followers, promised free beer, marched on the Government building, but owing to numbed senses stormed the local Gymnasium instead and fell back under a whithering spitwad barrage. Retreating to Rodabota in the mountains Grubershickel declared the short-lived National Socialist Republic of Oberland, which fell apart once the last of the hamlet's kegs ran dry. Nonplussed, Grubershickel declared a pogrom against the nation's "Jewish problem", but unable to find any (both Jewish families lived elsewhere) he declared himself Fuhrer of a rump Oberland, which amounted to a loft in remote Malbun.

From Fall of the House of Liechtenstein: History of the Great Liechtensteiner Balkanization of 1982 by Professor Helmuth von Munkey, University of Trimport.
 
By day five the Prince and all 25 members of the Landtag had fled the capital amid rumors that rioters were coming for them with pitchforks and torches (as it turns out all five of the nation's pitchforks were being employed to stack hay, their bearers wondering what all the fuss and noise was about). The Rump Liechtensteiner Monarchy in Wangerberg sent out radio addresses urging order, but with the government fled almost two miles civil order broke down completely.

By this point rampant warlordism overtook the nation. The southern Unterlands was under the control of the Balzers Fütballer Club and Militia, which possessed two of the nation's seven firearms (one of them an heirloom wheel lock). The Oberlands broke into at least a dozen autonomous cantons while an unusually intelligent ram led the rest of one shepherd's flock into the mountains, it can only be assumed to establish his own Oberlander Ovid Oblast.

From Fall of the House of Liechtenstein: History of the Great Liechtensteiner Balkanization of 1982 by Professor Helmuth von Munkey, University of Trimport.
 
By the time the UN stepped in to restore order the duchy had split into over 20 Nanostates from Ganzberg to Ingersolstadt to Balzerland to the PDRS to Schaffstadt to the Free City of Steg, which had avoided any real violence and apparently declared independence for the hell of it. All 37 members of the UN Security Platoon worked fervently to maintain order, most notably when tensions rose in Eschen over the Ganzian erection of a picket fence along the shared border with Ingersolstadt. The rump monarchy attempted to restore authority, but by this point the UN security force, hoping to get back home in time for the weekend footsie matches, officially recognized every Nanostate, including Schaffstadt. Twelve members (the losers of a straw-draw) stayed behind to maintain order.

By this point Fraus Ganz and Ingersol had decided that this was far too much fuss over a leaf and met for coffee, vowing later to go buy shoes in Vaduz.

From Fall of the House of Liechtenstein: History of the Great Liechtensteiner Balkanization of 1982 by Professor Helmuth von Munkey, University of Trimport.
 
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Over the next few years the situation in the former Liechtenstein began to normalize. The Ganzerwall was torn down in 1994 as a gesture of goodwill, the divided city of Eschen finally reunited after a decade of division. In 1998 the rump monarchy in Wangerberg made peace with the Balzer Footballers forming an economic union known colloquially as the "Balz und Wang". The PDRS collapsed in 1998 in a financial crisis caused when Premier Weissenegger lost his ATM card. The National Socialist Republic of Oberland ended in 2000 when its fuhrer was evicted from his loft for failure to pay rent. He was promptly killed while attempting to conquer Schaffstadt, convinced that the head ram was somehow Jewish.

In 2006 the Balz und Wang customs union expanded to include most of the former Liechtenstein. A common currency was (re)adopted and free trade established.

Finally, in 2008 the Bill of Reunification was announced and a union-wide plebiscite declared. It passed and was ratified in 2009 as a new federalized constitutional monarchy under a single leader whose bravery in battle and diplomatic aplomb were universally admired: Prince Traber, Hochschaff of Schaffstadt.

Where the new Duchy of Schaffenheim will go from here is unknown. Furthermore, it is unknown if the shaky new nation can hold together in the untimely event of Prince Traber's passing. Whatever the future holds, however, the tragic tale of Liechtenstein reminds us all of that one simple truth: it's best to learn to accept the winds of fate, and learn to rake our own fucking lawns.

From Fall of the House of Liechtenstein: History of the Great Liechtensteiner Balkanization of 1982 by Professor Helmuth von Munkey, University of Trimport.



Fin.
 
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Goldstein

Banned
I'll join the chorus. Congratulations, this is pure genius. Is there any chance that you can come up with a map of the balkanization? That would be perfect.

On a curious note, something very similar could have happened in Andorra in 1934, when Boris Skossireff declared himself the rightful Prince of Andorra and declared war on the Bishop of Urgell...
 
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Thank you, all. :)

I appreciate the praise for my humble li'l project. I have no idea where the idea of Balkanizing Liechtenstein came from, but once I had it, I knew it had to be done.

A map...well, no time here, but if anyone want to make one, go right ahead.

And Goldstein, feel free to Balkanize Andorra if you want. I have other things to move on to... :D
 
LOL, awesome. :D

The only issue is it should be Schaffenheim, not Schaffenstein.

Or was that your subtle way of putting your own mark on the project? If so, I'll go with it. ;)

Thanks, Goldstein!

Now to see if I can con...err...convince Glen to let me put this on the Timelines board. :cool:
 

Goldstein

Banned
LOL, awesome. :D

The only issue is it should be Schaffenheim, not Schaffenstein.

Or was that your subtle way of putting your own mark on the project? If so, I'll go with it. ;)

Thanks, Goldstein!

Now to see if I can con...err...convince Glen to let me put this on the Timelines board. :cool:
You're welcome! The name was a mistake... fortunately, it's really easy to retcon. Feel free to use the map as a part of the... ahem... canon :D
 
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