jour napoléons: A napoleon timeline

1804 Napoleon crowns himself as emperor before the pope he than immediately begins making a large
grande armée which once the 3rd coalition begins napoleon manages to have a large enough army which is split into two groups group 1 which has Napoleon, Joachim Murat, Davout and Lannes where as army group two has Ney, Bernadotte and marmont army group 1 sweeps north of the Danube facing the Russians and Austrians taking heavy casualties losing along the lines of 50,000 along the entire offensive where as army group 2 south of the Danube has easy pickings managing to put Vienna under french control quickly as the Austrian emperor flees the two army group up and destroy as massive Austrian Russian army similar to Austerlitz, Prussia than similar to OTL starts the 4th coalition (everything is similar till like 1807 with slight differences) Napoleon and his field marshals take Berlin easily but in the battle for Berlin is wounded and is taken back to France for medical treatment he survives but the German front is nearly lost after Austria decides to join the war against french rules after the treaty in 1805 and invades Napoleonic Italy and the Rhine region Napoleons step son Eugène de Beauharnais defeats a Austrian army in the alps sending the Austrians fleeing with Lannes Murat and Ney in Germany the french forces are nearly caught off from the rest of France but with a speedy relief force made from Bernadotte and Soult they manage to defeat the Austrian army under Archduke Charles, meanwhile the french forces in Germany suffer a sever loss at the Vistula river crossing being forces to retreat to Berlin the force is surrounded and is nearly destroyed only for Bernadotte and Soult to give them relief at the last second the Prussians and french without the Russians approval begin peace talks prussia allows the confederation of the Rhine, Westphalia and Bavaria to be independent Austria loses all coast line to the Adriatic which is occupied by Italy Austria also loses land to the polish the year is now 1806 it is December and napoleon visits the troops in Germany recovering from the losses (this is the end of part 1 part 2 will be out on like Friday or Tuesday dont have a lot of time for this please dont continue the story just some advice and some ways i can add to make it more instresting as this is my first timeline)
 
this is the end of part 1 part 2 will be out on like Friday or Tuesday dont have a lot of time for this please dont continue the story just some advice and some ways i can add to make it more instresting as this is my first timeline
Am I right in assuming that up to 1807 the only real change is that Napoleon wins less decisively in Germany? Because I'm struggling to find a clear PoD here.

My biggest issue with this however is the formatting. Because you've written just one great big paragraph, it is difficult to separate the parts of your story so far mentioned, for instance the battles in Italy and outside Berlin don't belong together, they are being fought by different countries and it appears there is a year or so of time between them. Separate your various ideas, with or without headings (in my TLs I like to bold and timestamp each section so that changes in what is being examined are clear), and also try to break up your massive sentences (there's some there that seem to be 6+ lines long. This is excessive). Possibly this is caused by a language issue?

Also, you don't need to say "similar to OTL" or "different to OTL" at all after the PoD. Remember that the people in TTL have no knowledge of OTL post-PoD at all, and someone writing about their history is not going to be able to compare themselves to someone or something of a timeline different to their own. If your war of 4th coalition is similar to OTL's war of 4th coalition, you can describe it as similar without outright stating 'it is like OTL's war'. Most people who read your TL will be aware of OTL's War of the 4th Coalition anyway and will notice fairly easily if it is like OTL's, and those who are not well read in that war won't be helped any better by a "like OTL" comment than if it wasn't there. Tagging something as OTL is useful if you are using OTL characters that have different lives, for example I had Robert E Lee become Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court in my TL and I'm fairly sure I made a brief mention that he was indeed the OTL general and not an analogue with the same name. For the most part however, it is unnecessary. People will comment if they have further questions.

From the TL itself, you have made mention that Prussia and Austria are aligned in the war, and that Napoleon suffers a fairly major defeat against the Prussians. That being the case, why is Austria suddenly surrendering a great chunk of land (Illyria) to the French/puppets? Austria at this point is on the winning side, so a peace deal is either going to be the status quo ante bellum, or something favourable to Austria.

My only other advice is to read a few TLs that other people have made (I've made a Napoleon one myself - link in my signature, but there are plenty others covering all manner of world alt-history). Look at the parts you think they have done well and the parts they have not done so well, and use that to help you make your own. Ask questions too, most authors will be more than happy to help you. I'm not the only source of advice on the internet after all. And whatever you do, please don't have seven world wars and 150 atomic bombings, I've already done that and pleasant worlds are also nice to read about.

- BNC
 
Am I right in assuming that up to 1807 the only real change is that Napoleon wins less decisively in Germany? Because I'm struggling to find a clear PoD here.

My biggest issue with this however is the formatting. Because you've written just one great big paragraph, it is difficult to separate the parts of your story so far mentioned, for instance the battles in Italy and outside Berlin don't belong together, they are being fought by different countries and it appears there is a year or so of time between them. Separate your various ideas, with or without headings (in my TLs I like to bold and timestamp each section so that changes in what is being examined are clear), and also try to break up your massive sentences (there's some there that seem to be 6+ lines long. This is excessive). Possibly this is caused by a language issue?

Also, you don't need to say "similar to OTL" or "different to OTL" at all after the PoD. Remember that the people in TTL have no knowledge of OTL post-PoD at all, and someone writing about their history is not going to be able to compare themselves to someone or something of a timeline different to their own. If your war of 4th coalition is similar to OTL's war of 4th coalition, you can describe it as similar without outright stating 'it is like OTL's war'. Most people who read your TL will be aware of OTL's War of the 4th Coalition anyway and will notice fairly easily if it is like OTL's, and those who are not well read in that war won't be helped any better by a "like OTL" comment than if it wasn't there. Tagging something as OTL is useful if you are using OTL characters that have different lives, for example I had Robert E Lee become Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court in my TL and I'm fairly sure I made a brief mention that he was indeed the OTL general and not an analogue with the same name. For the most part however, it is unnecessary. People will comment if they have further questions.

From the TL itself, you have made mention that Prussia and Austria are aligned in the war, and that Napoleon suffers a fairly major defeat against the Prussians. That being the case, why is Austria suddenly surrendering a great chunk of land (Illyria) to the French/puppets? Austria at this point is on the winning side, so a peace deal is either going to be the status quo ante bellum, or something favourable to Austria.

My only other advice is to read a few TLs that other people have made (I've made a Napoleon one myself - link in my signature, but there are plenty others covering all manner of world alt-history). Look at the parts you think they have done well and the parts they have not done so well, and use that to help you make your own. Ask questions too, most authors will be more than happy to help you. I'm not the only source of advice on the internet after all. And whatever you do, please don't have seven world wars and 150 atomic bombings, I've already done that and pleasant worlds are also nice to read about.

- BNC

Thanks for the advice ill try and make it more easier to understand and i did forget (stupid me) to add in the major austrian defeat i will add that in and mostly yes the french really just loss in german but im gonna be adding to it today
 
During the war a Large Austrian force of 80,000 engages against french-Italian forces in the Bavaria region, the Austrians suffer a major defeat losing land as far to Vienna before being stops by a relief force, in Germany given no choice now without a ally and not enough troops and more and more fresh french troops pouring into Germany, the Prussians agree to peace talks without Russia's approval.

The treaty of Munich
The Prussians agree to give up some of there western lands gained by the breakup of the HRE, the country's of Westphalia is created along with the confederation of the rhine
Austria losses the coastline due to the defeat and being pushed back they as well lose land to the Duchy of Warsaw Created by Napoleon.
Russian Soldiers in Germany at the time of the peace deal are betrayed and become POWs
Britain remains at war
temporal peace in europe

1808-1809

Charles the XIII is assassinated by a Danish Radical, The British try to get the Swedes to accept a Union such as Hanover did but the Swedes reject and try to find a distant relative Seeking land since the last war Russia attempts to Invade Sweden but they are stopped north of Stockholm by Bernadotte, he is elected king and the house of Bernadotte is Brought to power in Sweden and is allied to France

A french-Swedish friendly Power is put into Denmark-Norway and the Swedish Join a earlier union with Norway and the Russians now without a northern army lose land quickly to the French-Swedish army Helsinki is occupied and Alexander I Agrees for to the swedes to occupy parts of Finland now with a strong ally the french begin to look for a way to defeat the British navy

A large french navy is assembled in toulon and other ports in Spain and France and a French-Spanish navy much larger than the Trafalgar Navy head out to sea off the coast of France the Navy's do combat though not winning the battle is was a British Pyrrhic Victory with both navy's crippled though Admiral Nelson's ship is boarded and instead of being shot and killed he is captured as a POW and is held in Paris

1809-1810

The Prussian and Austrians go through army reforms and they make a agreement with the ottomans that if they work together the Ottomans can get the Balkans split between them and the Austrians, surprisingly enough the ottomans accept this and once the reforms are done and the army's are built up the three powers ask Russia for assistance without a army the Russians sternly refuse

The 5th coalition

Napoleon along with his trusted field marshals visit the confederation with a small army of around 20,000. knowing that the emperor of their enemy is there a large Prussian Austrian and Ottoman besiege the city he is in with his marshals the siege lasts for about a month before a french force under a few french generals defeat them back with the coalition suffering minor loss's. Sweden joins the war and invades northern Prussia putting Berlin under threat so a group of Prussians large enough to dent the army leave, Poland during the war under Ponitaowski Defended against the Austrians with the Prussians making minor gains in Poland.

Battle of Nuremburg

A French Force under Napoleon himself, came into contact with the Austrian-Prussian-Ottoman Armies outside of modern day Nuremberg
On the french side the Generals or field marshals were:Murat, Ney, Lannes, McDonald, Davout and Mortier
On the coalition side: Archduke Charles, Prince Louis Ferdinand and Mahmud II
The battle began as a normal one would line battles and such with thousands of losses on each side the battle,though seemed to be going in the favor of the Coalition until the over confident Mahmud II charge a large portion of the Ottoman army which was the coalitions left flank and was decimated by the old guard sent by napoleon to hold that side and Mahmud was killed in a charge by Murat,with the left flank the Austrians now putting more reserves of their left flank a large cav force under Ney charged and destroyed the center of the army, Meanwhile Lannes and McDonald began to defeat the right flank of the coalition where Louis Ferdinand was killed as well with only Archduke Charles left on the battlefield he retreated the remaining Austrian army, Murat's force defeated the remaining ottomans and Ney chased the Prussians for a few miles before letting the remaining get away this battle decided the end of the 5th coalition (part 2 finished here i feel like ive improved if anyone has any interesting ideas or questions just post them below the next part will be out on Tuesday)
 
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