Iron Cast: An Alternate British 1990s

[Lockmark]

November, 1990. Margaret Thatcher and her Conservative government have been in power for over eleven years, presiding over the end of the post-war consensus, industry privatisation, a war in the Falklands, and battles with the trade unions, and have been mired in equal controversy for roughly the same period of time.

You know the usual story here. Thatcher, under pressure from dissenting former cabinet minister, Michael Heseltine, calls a Conservative leadership election. When she fails to get an overwhelming majority of the vote in the first round, her cabinet urges her to resign.

But what if it could've been very different? What if, on the day that Michael Heseltine initially called the leadership election, the 14th of November 1990, the announcement of the day had came straight from Number 10 Downing Street, and had very different ramifications for Britain? Read on, as the very fabric of British politics threatens to be torn apart, in......

IRON CAST: A Most Peculiar History of British Politics​

 

[DollopzuMolke]

November, 1990. Margaret Thatcher and her Conservative government have been in power for over eleven years, presiding over the end of the post-war consensus, industry privatisation, a war in the Falklands, and battles with the trade unions, and have been mired in equal controversy for roughly the same period of time.

You know the usual story here. Thatcher, under pressure from dissenting former cabinet minister, Michael Heseltine, calls a Conservative leadership election. When she fails to get an overwhelming majority of the vote in the first round, her cabinet urges her to resign.

But what if it could've been very different? What if, on the day that Michael Heseltine initially called the leadership election, the 14th of November 1990, the announcement of the day had came straight from Number 10 Downing Street, and had very different ramifications for Britain? Read on, as the very fabric of British politics threatens to be torn apart, in......

IRON CAST: A Most Peculiar History of British Politics​

I'm sorry but I don't what you mean by the announcement of the day from Downing street. But this sure looks cool.

 

[Lockmark]

BBC News

13th November 1990

Stuart: Hello, I'm Moira Stuart, and welcome to BBC News at One. Today's top story: Geoffrey Howe, the Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, has resigned in protest at the government's policy on EMU negotiations..."

*****

Meanwhile....at 10 Downing Street

It had been a day of fraught emotions for Margaret Thatcher. The Deputy Prime Minister, and her close confidant, Geoffrey Howe, had left her side. He was right on one thing, and one only, in the mind of the Prime Minister: Europe was tearing the Conservative Party apart. Perhaps Geoffrey was also right in saying this government's time was up. In saying her time was up. Before Thatcher could process these thoughts, a steady hand fell upon her shoulder.

Denis. The loyal husband. The quiet man, to the "Iron Lady". An air of sanity filled the room, as he spoke to his wife.

"I've just had a phone call."

"I've had plenty, Denis." The Prime Minister was in no mood for personal pleasantries, even with her nearest and dearest.

"The 1922 Committee. Those cantankerous b*****ds want you to resign."

"They thanked me in '75, they thanked me in '79. When I need their support, they refuse to thank me for my service."

"You surely can't be thinking of resigning?"

"Oh, I've given it some thought. It's been over a decade in this job, I know myself that I'm growing weary."

"But you can't step down now, especially not with Heseltine sniffing around the post like a starving dog."

"Heseltine? What's Heseltine got to do with this?"

"Ah, well, you see, he's forming a leadership challenge. The Howe resignation, the rumblings from the "wets" in cabinet, it's part of a wider plan. They want nothing more than to leave your reputation in tatters. Are you sure you want that?"

"Denis, I'm sure of one thing."

"And what is that?"

"When one faces an indomitable challenge, they cannot flee from it. But they can still inspire confidence. I may not have my cabinet's support, I may not have my party's support, but I do have the support of the British people. And this Prime Minister shall have to rely upon that."​

 

[Lockmark]

BBC News

14th November 1990

11:45am

Continuity: And now, here is a BBC News Special Report, from 10 Downing Street, with Martyn Lewis.

Lewis: This is BBC News. We are live from 10 Downing Street, in preparation for one of the most eagerly anticipated addresses delivered here in decades. In the BBC's seven decades of broadcasting, we have seen many Prime Ministers come and go from the hallowed walls of Number 10, but today, it is our incumbent Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, who faces an uncertain future. Her party is at loggerheads over Europe and the community charge, among other disputes, and it is widely believed that a challenge to the Conservative Party leadership is imminent. We will be here for the next ninety minutes, to provide you with live coverage of events as they unfold.

*****

11:59am

Lewis: If you're just joining us, we have just been speaking to former Home Secretary, William Whitelaw, and our Political Editor, John Cole, about the possibility of what Mrs Thatcher's address may entail for the Conservative Party, and Britain as a whole. We no longer have to wait for those possibilities, as the doors of Number 10 open, and Margaret and Denis Thatcher step out of them.

Thatcher: I speak to you, the British people, on what has been a week of trials and tribulations for this country. The Conservative Party has achieved many successes whilst in government over the last eleven years, and under my stewardship. We have seen this country bounce back from financial oblivion, we have shattered the post-war consensus that threatened to turn our country into the sick man of Europe. I firmly believe that the Conservative Party has done the best for Britain.

However, we have not been at our most united recently. The terms of the European Communities referendum, fifteen years ago, depended upon those terms remaining at a constant. Europe has failed to uphold those terms, and seeks to abuse the mandate handed to it. I will always stand up for this nation on an international stage, and this is no exception. But some of my colleagues are dissatisfied with how I run things. They believe you can barter with those who pose a threat to you. The Official Opposition, the Labour Party, led by Neil Kinnock, a man who could not root out radical extremists in his own party, saying that my stance on Europe, and the British people's stance on Europe, is too extreme. Even some in my own party believe I should weaken the knee towards those who wish to strike a blow to our sovereignty. This country is divided.

I may not be in charge of a Britain, or indeed a parliament, brought together in unity, but I have faced division from all quarters before. I fought on then, and I will fight on now. But this time, the division is hostile, it is toxic, it threatens to put in the workings of our political system into imbalance. The only solution I see to this division is a fresh parliament, and as such, I have formally spoken to Her Majesty the Queen, to request a General Election on the first Thursday of 1991. The time has come for my critics to prove themselves or fall by the sword, but rest be assured, Britain will find itself with a secure and unified government to see in the New Year. Thank you.

*****​

 

[Lockmark]

The public reaction to a second general election in under four years was mixed. Some welcomed the move, saying that Conservative division on Europe made a new parliament inevitable, and that the actions of the Thatcher government over the last three years could only be judged by the British electorate. However, a significant number of reactions were negative, with some accusing Margaret Thatcher of political point scoring over Europe, while others stated that an election wasn't actually necessary just three years into the term. However, in two constituency offices in Henley and Islwyn, a collective expletive was heard:

"F**k!"

*****

Neil Kinnock, Leader of the Labour Party, and soon-to-be Prime Minister. Or so he thought.

"I'm telling you, Roy, we cannot win."

"Why not, Neil? Thatcher has proved she can't handle the b*****ds on the backbenches, and she's split her party on Europe. How can we lose?"

"We've still got our b*****ds on the backbenches, Roy. They'll hang us out to dry if we try to push our vision for Europe, and they'll take whatever's left of the unions with them. Scargill's been angling for a trade union split for years, the petty a******e has never forgiven me for '84."

"Then how do you propose we beat the Tories?"

"At their own game, Roy. They've pointed out our divisions for years. The Common Market, Trident, the economy, now it's time to turn the tables on them. Poll tax. The EMU. Privatisation. Never for one second emphasising our position on it, simply pointing out that the Conservatives are tearing themselves apart on each of those issues."

"But, Neil, won't that mean that we'll look indecisive?"

"Not if we can prevent the questions being posed to us, Roy."


*****

Meanwhile, one of Margaret Thatcher's former allies welcomed the end of his political machinations with disdain. Michael Heseltine had a glum look on his face, as his secretary came to inform him of yet another angered phone call from a Tory frontbencher.

"The phone's been going like mad, Mr Heseltine."

"Of course it would, the b***h has stitched us up, good and proper! I have a good mind to wring the neck of the f****r who leaked that to her!"

"You can't be too sure that this prompted the election. The Prime Minister's been talking about a lack of a mandate on Europe for some time."

"Mandate? A f*****g mandate? You think this is about a p*****g mandate? Margaret Thatcher couldn't give a s**t about the European Communities! She knows she's at the end of her tether, I know it, the f*****g 1922 Committee know it! It was a matter of time before someone gave her what was coming, and she jumped the f*****g gun before I could!"

"Stay calm, Mr Heseltine, don't forget we have a campaign to win."

"Oh, yes, because it's so much fun campaigning as a f*****g backbench MP, isn't it? Let me put this to you: my political career is in ruins. I'll never work in government again, do you hear me? I could've been the b****y Prime Minister, instead I'm stuck in Henley, without a pot to p**s in! The best I can hope for is that we lose this stinking election, so that I'm not completely f****d!"

With that, Michael Heseltine asked his secretary to vacate the room.

*****​

 

[Lockmark]

Elsewhere in British politics, government whips are doing all they can to ensure a unified campaign on the part of the Conservative Party, in light of the election announcement. In a high-class restaurant in the centre of London, the chief whips, Tim Renton and Richard Ryder, are meeting with the Education Secretary, Kenneth Clarke, to maintain this front.

"So, Ken, do you think we can pull this one of the bag, then?"

"I'm unsure, Tim. You've known me for a long time, and you know that I've kept my cool with the Prime Minister, but this seems awfully headstrong and it'll only expose our flaws on Europe. I don't see how we can win this."

"We're not the only ones divided on Europe."

"But we're stupid enough to show it, Richard."

"Surely you must think we can at least finish up as the largest party in Parliament."

"I-I'm really not sure at all."

A sharp intake of breath came from Tim Renton, and the Government Chief Whip began laying into his subject for the evening.

"How f*****g dare you! This government made you what you are! You were nothing before Mrs Thatcher took pity on all of you! You're very f*****g lucky that the Prime Minister hasn't cut off wets like you by the b*****ks."

"You aren't doing a brilliant job of persuading me, Tim. I respect you too much to quarrel with you."

"Then f*****g do the same for the Prime Minister! Margaret actually admires you, unlike Hurd, Heseltine, and all those b*****ds! With the right f*****g attitude, you're in line for a Great Office! And the Prime Minister's not going to be around forever, you'd be first in that f*****g queue too! Don't f**k this up for yourself, Ken!"

Clarke was taken aback by this tirade, however. After several minutes of deliberation, which seemed like years due to the heightened mood of the occasion, the Education Secretary gave his response.

"Alright, alright, I'll support you. Don't b****y hold out for the others, though."

*****

A few hours later, the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Roy Hattersley, was in bed, after what had been an extremely stressful day. Could Labour really be this close to government? Was he in line to become Deputy Prime Minister? Was this the making of the vision he had devised with Neil Kinnock? All of these questions reverberated around Hattersley's head, deep in thought with anticipation as the night wore on. However, he was brought back to his senses with the shrill tones of a telephone.

"Who's f*****g calling at this time of the night?"

Hattersley approached the phone with readied caution before picking up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Good day to you."

The caller had a gruff Irish accent, and seemed pleased to be speaking to Hattersley.

"Who are you, and how did you get this number?"

"I see you don't recognise the voice, Roy. Gerry Adams, leader of Sinn Fein. We need to talk, Roy-"

"You're f*****g insane, don't call this house again!"

Hattersley threw the phone down. After the day he'd had, he was in no mood for hoax calls.

*****​

 

[Geordie]

An election in the first Thursday in January?

I'm not sure that's particularly feasible. Even if it is feasible, it seems dreadfully courageous. Not only will the weather be dreadful for knocking on doorsteps, bit it will put a spanner in the Christmas plans of many people. Even if the MPs go with her on this, what about the grass roots?

 

[Seandineen]

How will this impact Gulf war?

 

[iainbhx]

The timetable is legal but insane.

Parliament would have to be dissolved on the 26th of November.

 

[David Flin]

We can be reasonably sure that the phone call was not from Gerry Adams. He'd been around long enough and was careful enough to know that such a call would have unfortunate consequences from the gentlemen listening in and with some reasonably neat kit capable of tracing calls. It would result in an immediate step-up of surveillance and other difficulties.

Ken Clarke appears to have had a personality transplant.

 

[iainbhx]

Ken Clarke appears to have had a personality transplant.

So has Tim Renton. The hard man of the Whips office at that time was David Lightbown.