Joachim von Ribbentrop (1977-1981)
Considered wise, but indefatigable when he was elected, the 84 year old Ribbentrop was the last of the Nazi old-guard elected to power.
In many ways, it would seem unlikely that after electing the positively ancient, ineffectual Hess that the German people would elect a man one year his senior. However, Ribbentrop was not a normal candidate.
While he was no more than a power-hungry lackey when Hitler was in power, after the Fueher's passing he went on a diplomatic trip to North America. In between visits throughout the warring factions of the United States, he took a stop in the midwest to meet with local, German-speaking leaders representing much of America's agricultural heartland. In Missouri, he worshiped in a Lutheran Church with Pastor Henry Gerecke presiding. Gerecke gave a rather pedestrian homily and ended it with the admonishment, "Place all your confidence in the Lamb that made atonement for your sins." Feeling convicted, Ribbentrop identified himself to Gerecke and went through the Lutheran ordinance of confession. He stayed one more week and after being quickly catechized, finished his diplomatic mission and returned to Germany. Sharing his new found faith with his family, he arranged to have his children baptized in the local church, and immediately went to then-President Goering with his new Godly-ambition: World peace.
"World peace?!?," chortled Goering. "We just attained that by the barrel of a gun. What more work is there to do?"
Ribbentrop, quoting several German economists (particularly Walther Funk, President of the Reichsbank and a director of the Bank for International Settlements), made the case to Goering that the only lasting peace is one where there would be economic interdependence between the European powers, conquered and unconquered. Goering, convinced by the cost-benefit analysis Ribbentrop presented, gave him authority to go on diplomatic missions throughout Europe.
Ribbentrop put a palatable veneer on Funk's economic scheme and took it to Europe. A mere two years after ending the war in victory, Germany all of the suddenly shockingly was giving large concessions: home rule and end of wartime reparations (for western European countries), rescinding of tariffs for trade with Germany (the world's largest market), loans underwritten by the German government for purposes of reconstruction, freedom of movement throughout Europe (though not for colonial subjects), the end of wartime reparations, and most importantly the end of German occupation.) Germany in exchange asked Europe for entrance into a monetary and trade union (controlled by German interests), allowance for German military bases, freedom of movement for the Heer and Waffen SS, allowance for German settlement in lieu of unpaid loans, quotas for the Waffen SS to be met, and recognition of German annexations (which at this point included parts of Denmark, the whole of Norway, Luxembourg, the Alsace-Lorraine, half of Czechoslovakia, half of Poland, the Crimean and Kerch Peninsulas, the now de-populated Saint Petersburg, and a small part of western Ukraine.)
France and the Low Counties readily agreed to the deal. Ribbentrop swung east. Finland rebuffed the offer initially, though in the 1956 they would up joining what we know today as the European Union. Ukraine accepted, and was given its present day borders to the Don River. The Baltic states likewise accepted, and when the dust settled they ended up annexing half of Belarus and parts of Russia. All of the Balkan countries rebuffed the offer, only to fall in line one after another in fear of Italian saber-rattling. Italy, Spain, and Turkey were not asked to join, but as British trade declined in the oncoming decades they both agreed to the scheme in 1964, 1976, and 1979 respectively. Ribbentrop's biggest coup was exploiting a military debacle that occurred between Sweden and Great Britain. The shoot down of a Swedish airliner by the British RAF decidedly soured relations between the two countries. Ribbentrop gently maneuvered and convinced Sweden, who was never conquered, to surprisingly accept the offer against the wishes of its populace.
In a matter of 16 months, Germany economically and financially controlled lands on every corner of the globe. Racial conservatives were satisfied with promises of Lebensraum in occupied Russia and Belarus which ultimately did not materialize. Further, occupation costs were decreased dramatically. Just as the economists theorized, increased trade in Europe more than compensated Germany for the loss of reparations. Increased freedom of movement filled Germany's cities with cheap industrial laborers. Redrawn borders often kept the Balts, Finns, and Ukrainians doing the fighting against the Russians that the Germans otherwise would have had to do. Though the Ukrainians and the Balts did not get the same degree of concessions that the Western members of the European Union had, it sure beat Soviet and German occupation. During Hartmann's Presidency, they would attain home rule. Financial tribute from the Eastern EU members would only end during Ribbentrop's Presidency.
Two pivotal and unanticipated long term trends occurred as a result of Ribbentrop's wheeling and dealing. First, because Waffen SS membership granted to the conscripts German citizenship, the Vichy, Belgian, and Ukrainian home armies, among others, were noticeably more deficient than their Waffen SS counterparts. Not only did the Waffen SS have better weapons, the better rate of pay and other tack-on benefits attracted much more qualified personnel. Second, almost all of Europe's commerce quickly began using Marks. While countries were allowed to retain their currency, German loans and business with Germany required the use of Marks and simple inertia made every other currency within the European Union go extinct. The result of both of these developments is that Germany exercised even greater control over Europe, albeit indirectly. Many observers today say Germany conquered countries more thoroughly with the pen via Ribbentrop than with the gun under Hitler.
Feeling that he laid the groundwork to a lasting peace, in 1949 Ribbentrop retired to Thailand and bought vast tracts of lands for the growing of peanuts. He used the proceeds to build idyllic company villages and churches, converting a sizable Thai minority to Lutheranism. He would spend the next 25 years building his peanut empire, which corporately had the simple name
Das Peanut. Peanuts and Peanut Butters were sold worldwide under the label and by the 1970s was synonymous for all things peanut related. Even in English speaking countries such as the CAS, Canada, and Britain, people would say, "Pass me the Das Peanut." In Germany, the word Erdnuss essentially became archaic, replaced by the English term "peanut."
As the Indochinese War drawn on, Ribbentrop started becoming not only a vocal critic, but an organizer of volunteer efforts to help the refugee crisis as more and more Cambodians and Laotians spilled over the Thailand border. This gained him the esteem of the academic and corporate community in Germany.
When the inept and corrupt Rudolf Hess became President many influential Germans started publicly demanding that Ribbentrop, the last notable living old-guard Nazi, return to public life in Germany. Ribbentrop was at first reticent. He was already in his 80s and in the process of bequeathing his corporate empire to his children.
Ribbentrop was old and, though surprisingly astute, not desirous to expend energy playing politics. He returned to Germany and started giving speeches to the German people about the importance of government transparency, a humble foreign policy, and greater cooperation between the Reichstag and President in fighting inflation. When he found out that his name was put on the ballot for the 1976 Presidential election, he decided that he would simply speak his mind and let the chips fall where they may. He made ambitious promises such as, "If I find out if the Reich Main Security Office is breaking the law, I'll hold a press conference about it!" He criticized the Gestapo after revelations came out that they were spying on Slavic rights leaders. Most audaciously, he told the world he supported home rule for the remainder of occupied Belarus and Russia, a surprising position considering that both territories were pacified at this point and politically this was a needless concession. All of this simply gained him a reputation as an all around nice guy. Agree or disagree, he was a good man who wanted to do the right thing--something that Hess and Heydrich were not.
Ribbentrop was elected but it was all downhill from there. Keen on not reversing Heydrich's environmental regulations, the last of the coal gasification plants were shut down. This led to a substantial spike in fuel prices as demand was growing in China, Japan, and the CAS and supply was being limited by the new OPEC oil cartel. Domestic European supplies for oil such as the German-occupied Caucasus and friendly Romania have seen their production drop decade after decade. While off-shore drilling in Norway brought new production online, there grew an increasing dependence on trade from the Soviet Union, which far outproduced European-Russia.
Soviet oil drilling sites during the 1970s.
Germany's fuel prices soured, putting a dampener on their economy. Instead of re-opening the coal gasification plants or saber rattling in Russia or the Middle East (who were awash in not only British, but increasingly Chinese and Japanese produced weapons--their main export to those nations in exchange for oil) Ribbentrop stressed conservation. He kept the heat down in all state offices at 15 degrees C, which led to jokes in offices such as, "The last time I was this cold was when I was doing guard duty in Smolensk!"
Ribbentrop's softness in his foreign policy, something that he was initially popular for in light of the Indochinese War, proved to be his undoing. Just as light bulbs burn brightly before they burn out, British foreign policy proved to be muscular in the 1980s. An hardcore reactionary government took power in Great Britain during the late 1970s and from the remaining British bases in Pakistan (which were there because of a treaty obligation, as India had been partitioned and given independence for more than a decade) the British invaded Afghanistan. The Soviet Union permitted the British freedom of movement through their territory in order to invade from the north as well. China, once a strong British ally, declared neutrality and prevented British movement through their territory to the Soviet Union. The British force was small, only three divisions, but it was modern and easy to re-supply by air. The British were able to get toe holds in northern cities such as Kandahar, but could not occupy the country into the south.
Zbigniew Brzezinski, Ribbentrop's national security adviser, was a child of a Polish diplomat and himself was educated in Canada. After joining the Waffen SS to work in their intelligence services, he gained the unmerited reputation for having a keen eye for geopolitical strategy. After the Waffen SS he worked in Hartmann's administration and several foreign policy think tanks in Berlin. His policy to deal with the problem in Afghanistan was to send weapons to the Afghan fighters through Iran (which with German helped gained independence from the Soviet Union in the 1960s). Volunteers were trained in German-occupied Chechnya, and also sent through Iran to help fight the British. Among the foreign volunteers was Saudi billionaire Osama Bin Laden, the leader of what would be later known as the Al Qaeda terrorism network.
Ribbentrop further responded by boycotting the Olympic Games, that year being held in London. While the German public was not privy to Brezeinski's machinations, all they ever heard from Ribbentrop was talk of peace and understanding. This, and his Olympics pettiness, was perceived as weakness. The final nail in the coffin was that a coup (with British help and German weapons that trickled from Chechnya) overthrew the secular government in Tehran, Iran. The country was now ruled by Shi'ite fundamentalists led by Ayatollah Khomeini. The same Khomeini called Germany "the Great Satan" and took all the members of their embassy hostage.
Waffen SS special forces proved unable to put the secular government back in power in Iran.
Ribbentrop reluctantly sent in special forces from the Waffen SS and elite Fallshrimjaeger, a total of 135 soldiers. The mission was botched due to mechanical problems with two helicopters and the Fallschirmjaeger missing their drop zone. The Fallschirmjaeger were able to ascertain that the Iranian revolutionary guard was now aware of their attack and it would be a matter of hours before they would be surrounded and forced to fight. They hunkered down in a Soviet-era fort and waited for rescue. Down one third of the necessary helicopters to perform the mission as intended, the Waffen SS canceled the mission and rescued the stranded Wermacht infantry instead.
Fallschirmjaeger calling for rescue, as they critically missed their drop zone.
Unwilling to commit to a full military action, Ribbentrop engaged in half-hearted negotiations. His age and lack of energy showed and quite frankly the German people were not willing to go to war with such an evidently weak leader. The combination of foreign policy and economic failures would doom Ribbentrop's Presidency. He decided not to run for re-election and disappeared from public sight. What is known is that he focused on his church activities, such as a charity that builds homes for the poor into the 1990s.
Like Queen Elizabeth of England and Billy Graham of the CAS, his public disappearance led many to think he is dead. In fact, the 124 year-old Ribbentrop is still alive and has proven to be the longest living man since Biblical times. Outliving all of his children and even a grandchild, he is described by his nurses as mentally intact though he is at this point mostly immobile.