He Jests At Scars: A PM Boris Johnson TL

He Jests At Scars
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Chapter One

“Every time my friends and I were going to play, before we actually started, I used to take the bat and the ball, climb on a chair and say, ‘You’ve got to hear a speech of mine, or a poem I have written.’ When I had finished, they clapped and the game began.”

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Extract from an article in THE TIMES, June 12th 1999


“The Times is greatly saddened to report the passing of respected and much-beloved journalist Petronella Wyatt, who was killed yesterday morning in a car crash outside her home in London. [1] Wyatt, a columnist for The Spectator and the Daily Mail was known for her blunt, informal style and her television appearances on both Question Time and Newsnight.”

Extract from, “Our Man in England” by Max Kessler

“The summer of 2005 would prove to be the most important of the first half of the 21st century, though none of the participants of the Conservative leadership race would have known it.

Johnson, already an immensely popular figure after five years as a proactive and highly visible Vice-Chairman, wielded significant influence within the Party machine. However, he faced a myriad of problems when he put his name down to lead the Conservative Party following Michael Howard’s resignation. Among these was the entrenched view of the Conservative Old Guard that Boris was a dangerous populist and a wrecker. This faction, which was led by former Prime Minister John Major, eventually coalesced around David Davis, a man described as “stern and sensible” by both his friends and his enemies.

With the support of Cameron (who doubtless probably thought it better that Boris be brought in to disrupt the party machine allowing him to reform the party after BoJo inevitably crashed and burned) Johnson was able to secure the endorsement of such a wide plethora of individuals as Andrew Lansley, Iain Duncan Smith and Theresa May. With his promises of ‘reform and revolution’ he energised a party that had been sleepwalking for so long.

What really synched it for Johnson was his outstanding, ‘Building a Greater Britain’ speech on June 29th which returned him to the media spotlight. In it, Johnson highlighted the growing discontent among the working and middle, increasing poverty and financial instability in Britain, and called for the British Government to unite the social classes and strive for ‘popular unity’. It blew away any of the other speeches his opponents could muster; by the time the members’ vote was called the competition was more or less already decided.”

Extract from, “The British Political Encyclopedia” by E. D. Thomas, Strassman Publishing

2005 Conservative Party Leadership Election
: An election to determine the leadership of the Conservative Party following the resignation of Leader Michael Howard as a result of the 2005 General Election.

The results of the first ballot were as follows:

Boris Johnson: 65 (32.82%)

David Davis: 62 (31.1%)


Liam Fox: 38 (19.19%)

Kenneth Clarke: 33 (16.66%)

The results of the second ballot were as follows:

Boris Johnson: 96 (48.4%)

David Davis: 51 (25.7%)

The results of the members’ vote were as follows:

Boris Johnson: 143,167 (72%)

David Davis: 55,677 (28%)

Extract from “Good Old Boris” by Peter Dinges

“Boris Johnson securing the Conservative leadership shook the earth of British politics. Boris was a staunch Conservative and libertarian, however the fact that the man had a power base outside of the party itself raised eyebrows and estranged potential allies. The winter months of 2005 were a time of reflection and consolidation within the Tory Party. As Johnson himself put it, “Our job was to kiss each other on the lips and say, ‘Darling, I never meant those things I said.’ It had a veneer of superficiality to it, but Party unity had to be maintained.’

Once the winter was over, Johnson began work on both his public image and on the Conservative platform. Johnson, a serial philanderer, was forced to temper his appetite and cut off several awkward extra-marital affairs, the details of which would not fully emerge until long after Johnson had left office. [1] Fond of hyperbole and bombast, and already well-renowned for several controversial statements, Johnson was forced to tone down his rhetoric so as to not immediately plunge the Party into controversy. In his acceptance speech, Johnson spoke of, ‘The pressing and overwhelming need to end partisan squabbling, mend the economy and defeat terrorism.’ Hard to believe this is the same man who made the now infamous Manchester Central Convention Complex speech of 2018.”

Extract from, “A Dream of Unity: My Life as Leader” by Boris Johnson

“To enter the political fray at that time was an exhilarating experience for me. To think that I, a mere backbencher who, not four years ago, had never set foot in parliament, could rise to become leader of the world’s oldest and greatest political party. In all sincerity, I wandered through the last few months of 2005 in something that might have been approaching a dream. However, as Christmas came upon us, and the political realities of my role dawned on me, I found myself more energized than ever before.

I realized fairly early on that only a concerted effort would allow us to break the stranglehold of the Blairite. The Tories had become complacent during the 1990s and slipped into a malaise. Say what you will of Tony, lord knows I have, but his screeds about a new kind of politics captured the public’s attention, or at least, it had. To seize the initiative required a platform that made Britons feel proud after more than a decade of humiliation at home and abroad. The time had come for the Conservative Party to become the pre-eminent force in British politics once again.”

[1] Our POD, in OTL she and Johnson had an affair that led to his dismissal as Party Vice-Chairman in 2005. In this TL, with her tragic death, Boris never has the affair, allowing his career to continue unimpeded.

[2] Dinges is over-exaggerating here, but not by much.
 
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Chapter Two

“A simple look at the panorama of our country shows us that discontent, not satisfaction, is growing.”

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London, United Kingdom
June 4th 2009

Boris Johnson was not a religious man, but at the moment, as he sat in his Shoreditch apartment and thanked God for red wine and Cumberland sausages. He was normally not a man who ate a great deal for dinner, but tonight he indulged himself. The day’s work had been exhausting, but as votes continued to pour in, it seemed that his hard work had not been in vain.

Britain’s electoral map had been painted into a sea of blue Toryism, Labour had not held a single council, and in many councils not one Labour Councillor remained. Brown was taking the fall for the economic crash that had engulfed the nation, and rightly so, Boris thought. It was a precursor to his seizing the premiership, of that Johnson had no doubt.

“Here’s to the future.” He thought, lifting his glass to his lips.

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Extract from, “Our Man in England” by Max Kessler

“Labour took a serious hit as a result of the Great Recession. [1] Although the financial crisis had not come to Britain as a result of any policies actively pursued by the Labour Government, the actions of Gordon Brown’s Government to stem the credit crunch only exacerbated the crisis. By late 2008 manufacturing output was down by 7%, jobs lost as a result of this were forecast never to return, and by 2009 the unemployment rate almost sat at two million. Economic solutions to the crisis were none existent, Brown’s attempt to sell a fraction of the state’s gold reserves in order to alleviate the nation’s suffering proved to be a fatal error on his part.

Boris surged ahead in the polls, gaining ground in the local and European elections of 2009. Johnson’s popularity soared as he conducted speaking tour after speaking tour across the country, in his own words, ‘It filled my heart with joy to finally see the Labour Red replaced with Tory Blue.’ With control of many local councils, Johnson began a final speaking tour in late 2009, in preparation for the 2010 election.”

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Extract from “Who’s Yer’ Daddy?”, a play by Toby Young

BORIS: So, I shag about a bit? Churchill did it too and I don’t see anyone bringing that up in his biographies.

DAVID: Yeah, but that’s all you do Boris.

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Extract from a transcript of an episode of “Have I Got News For You” broadcast on June 5th 2009

(A video is shown of a group of young men running with ballot boxes.)

IAN HISLOP: That’s the Labour votes being chucked in the river.

JO BRAND: Yes, this is the shockingly poor result of Labour in the local and European elections this week. They’ve lost control of all their councils and have only returned nine MEPs.

IAN HISLOP: It’s all gone a bit wrong for Labour hasn’t it?

PAUL MERTON: I’m devastated, there goes half my material! You understand my pain, right Alistair?

ALISTAIR MACLEAN DARLING: Can we get on with this please, I’ve got an appointment at the Job Centre in half an hour…

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[1] Unfortunately, the banking crash hits the UK just as hard as it did OTL.
 
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Good job so far.
However, while I understand the reason why you got rid of Wyatt, the issue isn't resolved though. BJ has likely had affairs before her and certainly has afterwards. Not meeting her - unless you know something that I don't - wouldn't change his behaviour. There will be women everywhere and the tabloids will come calling inverted pile of piffle or not.
 
Really cool so far! I hope to see more!
Thank you!
Good job so far.
However, while I understand the reason why you got rid of Wyatt, the issue isn't resolved though. BJ has likely had affairs before her and certainly has afterwards. Not meeting her - unless you know something that I don't - wouldn't change his behaviour. There will be women everywhere and the tabloids will come calling inverted pile of piffle or not.
Thank you, very much appreciated. I believe Max Hastings once said to Boris, "If you want to succeed lock up your willy." Boris is still having affairs (as you rightly pointed out his behavior will not have changed at all) however these are mostly one off flings, at least for now. With a man like BoJo in-charge the Tories are going to court controversy, and it's only a matter of time until the tabloids get a hold of some truly scandalous material.
 
Chapter Three

“The egos of some politicians are more important to them than the suffering of the people.”

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Extract from, “The British Political Encyclopaedia” by E. D. Thomas, Strassman Publishing

2010 United Kingdom General Election: A general election held on the 6th of May 2010, won by Boris Johnson’s Conservative Party, as a result of the perceived Labour mishandling of the economy in the wake of the Great Recession.

The results were as follows:

Conservative: 331 (+133)

Labour: 238 (-107)

Liberal Democrat: 57 (-10)

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Extract from Boris Johnson’s Victory Speech, May 7th 2010

“Today, the British people, for the first time in perhaps two decades, have taken a stand and held their heads high. The choice they have made in this election will reverberate down through the ages, and be ranked up there with this country’s greatest victories. If Britain should last a thousand years, scholars in the far future, when commenting on the history of this ancient isle, shall remark that this was the beginning of her golden age.”

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Extract from “Our Man in England” by Max Kessler

“The 2010 election was not a close-run affair. Boris, ever the canny publicist, had energised the electorate with promises of economic stability and a return of national pride.

‘Building a Greater Britain’ was a simple and effective message that cut to the heart of most Brits. The Great Recession had led to the collapse of many of the UK’s oldest and most prestigious companies, the economy was in free fall, millions were out of work, and few believed in the Labour message anymore. Boris’s slogans about dignity and strength appealed more than Brown’s miserable and dower campaign which emphasized austerity.

Johnson’s initial actions upon taking power focused mainly on stabilising the economy. Several fairly normal, common sense programs were instated to keep the nation afloat whilst Johnson’s advisors and ministers worked on a program of austerity. Cuts were immediately announced and a sweeping program of privatisations followed it through the winter of 2010.”

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Extract from “Good Old Boris” by Peter Dinges

“Johnson would come to refer to his election in 2010 as the Great Liberation. It immediately conjures forth images of cheering crowds, broken slavery chains, soldiers marching in the streets and victory parades. In truth the ‘Liberation’ of the British people brought only misery and suffering, spearheaded by Johnson, whose term as Premier must be ranked as the most ruinous and destructive in Britain’s history.

Immediately upon taking power, Johnson’s chancellor, George Osborne introduced an emergency budget which sliced government expenditure on programs that were vital to the people’s well-being. These were Britain’s biggest ever spending cuts, slicing expenditure on Education, Development, Policing and much else by over 30%. A pay freeze of up to two years accompanied these moves, an attempt to stabilise the economy at the expense of public sector employees. In Johnson’s words, ‘If they don’t like it, they can take jobs in the private sector.’ Over the next six months sweeping privatisations, such as that of the Royal Mail, saw tens of thousands lose their jobs. [1]

Weapons sales to third world countries also increased. In October 2010, the Libya received a consignment of twenty Challenger tanks to begin replacement of the T-55 models being used by Libya’s tank corps, and over £10.35m worth of small arms and light weaponry. In November, Equatorial Guinea received two tankers filled with grenade launchers and helicopters. These would be the first out of many barbaric policies.

Like Lenin and the Bolsheviks, Johnson was able to seize and hold power by promising every group what they wanted; land and subsidies for the farmers, tax cuts for the wealthy and the business owners, a stable economy for the middle classes and the traders, cheap housing and jobs for the workers, an end to bureaucracy and red tape for state employees. As his rule wore on, Johnson would go on to break every single one of his promises.”

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[1] A slight over-exaggeration on Dinges’ part. Most of the people who lose their jobs are bureaucrats that are making the system more inefficient, but many others are simply administrators who are seen as expendable.
 
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Chapter Four

“When I was head of military intelligence, our symbol was the toad. Because the toad looks all around, sees everything, and then strikes!”

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Extract from a speech delivered by Boris Johnson to officers of the Metropolitan Police Force in Whitechapel, January 25th, 2011

“There is far too much tolerance for youth violence and gangland culture in the United Kingdom today. We must not allow a climate of fear to develop, for if we do the country’s done for. You men have a responsibility and a charge to carry out persecution of criminal individuals and we, the political class, have a responsibility to help you in this endeavour. Too long have we let thugs and gangs run our country, the time has come for us to reduce crime and disorder. If a cheeky juvenile should attempt to assault an officer of the law, that officer has ever right to respond with force. Political correctness has railroaded the force into baby-sitting dangerous criminals and treading lightly as they try to apply the law. You know, I think that if you are dealing with a rapist or a gang-banger, you’re within your rights to give them a bit of a rough treatment.”

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Front page of THE TIMES, “‘Gaddafi must Go’ Says Johnson”, March 10th 2011

“Snipers gunned down civilians, artillery and helicopter gunships bombarded protesters from above, and gangs of thugs armed with swords attacked families in their homes as Brotherly Leader Muammar Gaddafi attempted to crush the uprising which continues to rock Libya. ‘We are coming for you tonight! Libya will not become the slave of Israel!’ The Revolutionary Guide’s harsh, gravelly voice intoned over loud-speakers erected in every public square over the last forty years.

In London, Boris Johnson delivered a declaration of his own to parliament on Friday Boris Johnson strongly urged intervention, hinting that a declaration of war may be necessary to protect the citizens of Benghazi from a massacre. Invoking parallels to the Rwandan genocide the PM said; ‘If necessary, British forces will operate outside of the NATO framework, as is our right to do. My highest calling as Prime Minister is the safeguarding of civilian life, be those civilians British or Libyan, in this case they are both.’”

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Extract from “Good Old Boris” by Peter Dinges

“On March 10th a large group of over a quarter of a million people gathered in Trafalgar Square to protest benefits cuts. Although initially the gathering was peaceful events soon spiralled out of the organisers’ control and violence erupted. By midday over 400,000 people had joined the protesters and sporadic fighting with the police was reported. In the East End, over five hundred rioters were joined by Gurkhas who wished to protest the sale of arms and cuts to the military, they attacked banks and government offices.

At roughly one in the afternoon London mayor David Cameron, after a brief phone call with Johnson, ordered the use of smoke grenades and kettling to drive the protesters out. As they fled down Piccadilly Circus away from Nelson’s Column the protesters sacked various shop-fronts (although taking care to avoid small, locally owned businesses) before dispersing.

It was a fine example of Boris Johnson’s tough stance on public order. It also drew the first, unwelcome, comparisons between Johnson and various Middle eastern tyrants. In truth, although there were many injuries during the protests, they would prove to be but a footnote when laid against the public disorder that was to come…”

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“All colonialist aggressors will be utterly destroyed!” Colonel Gaddafi urges Libya to prepare for battle as he addresses a rally of 3,000 people in Green Square, Tripoli, March 13th 2011.
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Extract from “Libya & Her Revolutions” by Ronald Andrews

“On the 5th Protesters were driven out of Green Square and resistance in Tripoli was forced underground. Following the setbacks that the NTC faced due to inferior organization, Gaddafi’s Army was able to drive the Rebels out of Ras Lanuf and Al Uqaylah, allowing much needed supplies to reach Loyalist troops. The important harbour of Brega was besieged on March 6th and taken on March 9th. Ajdabiya was encircled on March 13th and the outskirts of Benghazi were bombarded by heavy ordnance on March 16th. [1]

Boris Johnson, who had been the first world leader to condemn the violence in Libya, was accordingly the first leader to intervene in the Libyan Civil War. His criticism of Gaddafi and push for intervention in favour of the Rebels was motivated by financial factors and no small amount of guilt. Heavy infantry supported by fast-moving British-made Challenger tanks had been the backbone of Gaddafi’s offensive, and now they threatened to break-through into Benghazi and cause a massacre.

The first British airstrike occurred at 7:30 A.M. local time on March 17th, when a British jet bombed a column of Loyalist armoured vehicles moving towards Benghazi. On March 18th Rebel forces counter-attacked, as the British and French air forces joined the battle from the air, destroying most of the Jamahiriya’s heavy weaponry and vehicles. Soon, British planes flying from Maltese bases [2] were bombarding Gaddafi’s compound in Tripoli, as the United Nations authorised military intervention to protect civilian life.”

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[1] Loyalist forces are advancing a little faster than OTL thanks to the weapons Johnson has sold them, which, ironically, puts even more of an impetus on Johnson to intervene, UN mandate be damned.

[2] This air offensive will eventually be folded into a larger NATO air campaign in April.
 
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Chapter Five

“A (military) commander isn’t going to talk to a lowly pilot, it’s infantile.”

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A burned-out, vandalised car in Hackney, London, 2011
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Extract from “Good Old Boris” by Peter Dinges

“The England Riots of 2011 proved to be the greatest challenge to Boris Johnson’s leadership in the first term of his premiership. As Johnson was on a state visit for the duration of the crisis, he was able to successfully shift blame for it onto other individuals, however it proved a moment of decisive chaos.

The riots began on Saturday August 6th after relatives of slain Tottenham resident Mark Duggan held a peaceful march on Tottenham Police Station. As the marchers grew increasingly rowdy, a local police commander gave the order for his men to disperse the crowd using smoke grenades. As chaos gripped the march, spontaneous rioting erupted.

The march was followed by intense urban disturbances as a result of rumours that a sixteen-year-old girl was killed whilst police attempted to evict the crowd. The spread of wild supposition allowed the night’s rioting to flare into mass rioting and looting that had consumed Tottenham by August 7th and spilled out into nearby districts of London.

As per the instruction of the Mayor, police cracked down hard on the riots which only exacerbated angry public reaction. On the evening of August 8th, a young black woman, named Chelsea Fawcett, trying to get home during the riots was savagely beaten by Riot Police and suffered severe head injuries. In Croydon and Camden, Police were confronted by rioters armed with bricks and homemade weapons, and were subsequently driven out of these districts altogether. Following a greatly increased police presence, London was quiet on the morning of Tuesday the 9th of August, however, an attempt to re-enter Camden by police in marked cars backfired horribly and as night fell, the rioters drove the police back, spilled out of Camden and smashed and burned stores in the city centre. Rioting swept every community in the city. By now copycat riots had broken out in Birmingham, Bristol, Oxford, Gloucester, Gillingham and Nottingham.

On Wednesday the 10th of August, rioters took cover in the morning but once again emerged under the cover of darkness to fight the police. A large armoured personnel carrier fitted with a loud-speaker was deployed for riot control, however looters armed with petrol bombs and home-made explosives set it ablaze, seriously injuring the officers inside and a Sky News helicopter was fired on by bottle rockets and flares. Central Manchester was the scene of running battles between gangs and riot police. In Oxford a van crashed into a McDonald’s Restaurant and shop windows were broken. A group of rioters in Birmingham even managed to gain access to a shopping mall where they commandeered a Thomas the Tank Engine train and drove it downtown as police battled looters attempting to force their way into shops.

So many petrol bombs and Molotov cocktails were thrown from the 10th of August to the 12th that huge blazes broke out in every quarter of the city. The fires burned with such intensities that the Broadwater Farms community earned the nickname Little Hiroshima. The increasingly belligerent police response only escalated the situation and plunged the capital further into utter bedlam.

David Cameron, the mayor of London, did not help matters with his constant controversial remarks about needing a stronger police reaction, including an off-hand remark leaked to Sky News about ‘using live ammunition to clear up the blighters’ and ‘black gangsters’ leading the riots. The mayor, who’s two-year term had been seen as underwhelming, saw the riots as an opportunity to regain so well-needed credibility, something that made him a prime target for the rioters. Cameron was, thankfully for the Police, incapacitated by a brick hurled by a looter when he made the rather foolhardy gesture of visiting front-line riot police during a supposed lull in the fighting.

At 01:00 AM on August 13th, under cover of darkness, Boris Johnson arrived in London by helicopter and landed in the Horse Guards military base. There he recorded his now famous, ‘Stand Strong’ speech, urging Londoners to stand tall and not be afraid. Two hours after his address Johnson ordered mass mobilisation of police officers onto the streets of London, gave the order for riot police to be given automatic weapons fitted with rubber bullets and personally issued decrees for the use of water cannons and tear gas on the rioters, coupled with a surge of troops and security personnel at vital installations and locations across the city. As they encountered determined resistance, most of the rioters and looters melted away into the city scape and vanished. Though there were flair ups of violence in other cities, and the fighting in Manchester and Birmingham would not truly come to an end until the 18th, London was quiet on August 14th.

Despite the immense amount of arson and violence that occurred during the riots relatively few people died, though there were roughly a thousand serious injuries. In Birmingham three gang members were killed in a drive-by shooting, in Tottenham seven men were hospitalised following a gang brawl in the street and two looters were killed during an altercation with a store owner in the east end. Mutilations and stabbings sky-rocketed as urban chaos spread. Various gangs used the riots as a smoke screen in order to mask illegal activities and score-settling. A general atmosphere of blood-letting and reciprocation persisted until public order was restored on the 14th.

The internet played a huge role in spreading rumours and panic among London’s various vulnerable communities. BlackBerry Messenger was the Rioters’ favourite, with various group chats set up to inform people about which areas looting would be safest. On August 12th Johnson ordered that London’s internet be shut down and that BlackBerry Messenger cease operation until the crisis was over.

Boris Johnson was praised both internally and externally for his handling of the crisis, having escaped blame largely due to him being out of the country whilst the riots were going on. His hard-no-nonsense approach to crime saved his premiership and earned him a great deal of support. David Cameron emerged from the scandal completely humiliated. His remarks helped his political enemies brand him as an out of touch toff and his lacklustre response to the actually riots (beyond the aforementioned puerile and childish jokes) effectively destroyed his prospects as a possible future Tory leader, his mayoral career certainly never recovered and he was defeated by his old sparring partner in his bid for re-election in 2012.”

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A destroyed shop in Tottenham, August 13th 2011
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Front page of THE DAILY TELEGRAPH, “‘Gaddafi killed in British Airstrike”, June 14th 2011

“A deluge of pain and misery marked the death of long-time Libyan tyrant Muammar Gaddafi on Wednesday when his armoured convoy, travelling through the Libyan capital in Tripoli, was struck by a rain of bombs dropped by RAF jets bombarding the city from air bases in Malta and Italy.

Colonel Gaddafi was travelling with his entourage in a convoy of armoured cars towards the Brother Leader’s compound of Bab al-Azizyia in central Tripoli. [1] The convoy was reportedly spotted by British satellites. Boris Johnson has praised the operation saying, ‘Gaddafi died as he lived, in a brutal and violent battle.’ In a military base in the loyalist city of Bani Walid one day after the death of his father, Saif al-Islam Gaddafi was sworn in as the new Brotherly Leader of the Libyan Arab Jamahiriya.”

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Saif al-Islam Gaddafi, the new Leader of Libya
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Extract from “Libya & Her Revolutions” by Ronald Andrews

“As the National Liberation Army moved into western Libya, they found that their forces were met as occupiers rather than liberators. The tribes of western Libya had familial links to the Gaddafi clan and the uprising in the east for them brought only the prospect of the loss of privileges they enjoyed under the Colonel. Black Libyans, who peopled large areas of western Libya, found no lure in the cause of revolution. Many were still indebted to Gaddafi for fighting to end discrimination against them and the paramilitary lynching of Blacks in Benghazi and Bayda were fresh on the community’s mind. The first insurgent activity by Gaddafi loyalists occurred around Rebel lines near Misrata.

On July 2nd, Rebel troops moved into Tawergha. Russia Today captured scenes of ethnic cleansing as the town's black inhabitants were brutalized and expelled from the homes they had lived in for generations. One of the more iconic images of the 2011 Civil War remained a group of rebels chanting, 'We are the Misrata Brigades! The brigade for purging slaves and black skin!' [2] Public goodwill in the west was beginning to turn away from the Rebels, precisely at a time when Loyalist forces were able to make a comeback. On the 5th Sabratha was retaken, freeing up hundreds of Loyalist troops that were used to reinforce Khamis Gaddafi’s army besieging Khoms. On the 3rd and 4th, the Rebels were assaulted in Zlitan and Loyalist troops bombarded Dafniya with rockets. The NATO air campaign, already riven with divisions thanks to Johnson and Sarkozy’s wildcard attitude and personal rivalry, struggled to coordinate their forces during this phase of the conflict and a general downturn in the number of airstrikes was the result…

On July 13th Dafniya fell and Khamis Gaddafi began to move west. To the south, Abdul Bakr Younis Jabr led a brutal and swift campaign against the Berber peoples of the Western Mountains, recapturing most of the territory lost in March and April. Though most of Saif’s heavy weaponry was in pieces on the eastern front, local Loyalists improvised with light, fast moving vehicles. Most importantly, Loyalist troops laid siege to and captured the Wazzin border crossing, effectively cutting off the flow of reinforcements into western Libya. The Berber rebels were trapped. On July 23rd British, American and NTC negotiators arrived at Saif’s headquarters in Bani Walid…”

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Gaddafi loyalists fighting in the Nafusa Mountains, shortly before the Battle of Wazzin, July 23rd 2011

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Extract from an article on BBC NEWS ONLINE, “Bank of England sees ‘improving’ economic outlook” on November 16th 2011

“The UK’s economic outlook has stabilised and worries the economy could stagnate are ‘justified but unlikely to hold water’, the governor of the bank of England has said.

Sir Mervyn King also said that the eurozone debt crisis was the "single biggest risk" to the UK, but that Boris Johnson had effectively ‘held back the flood for now’. He predicted that the banks forecast of a 2% growth between 2011 and 2012 would come to pass. [3] However, he also urged ‘vigilance’ and said that the worst of the economic crisis globally has yet to come.

In the closing portion of his speech, King praised the economic policy of Boris Johnson, commented that unemployment would soon begin to fall again whilst at the same time stating Britain is ‘going to have to walk a long and arduous road to recovery.’”

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Extract from a letter written by Boris Johnson to his wife on December 2nd 2011

“Saif has rather ruthlessly crushed the resistance in the west of the country, freeing up thousands of troops to join the fighting in the east, and it seems clear to me that the Rebels are not going to be able to take control of the entire country. Frankly, my job was to get in, prevent a massacre, and get out. The Rebel leadership seems to want to turn this thing into Iraq Mark 2, well I won’t have it. Saif is offering a very good deal and we ought to take it and leave as soon as possible.

If Saif al-Islam wants to try and keep control of worthless mountainmen, then good luck to him. Letting those bad-tempered Saracens out of their box will only cause trouble, better to set Saif on them than have them loose. We’ve got what we came for, the Rebels hold the oil rich regions and there’s not going to be a massacre in Benghazi. I shall have to force him to make some superficial concessions of-course; “free" elections, written constitution, recognition of the east, etc. But he’ll be open to that, the man went to LSE for Christ’s sake.”

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[1] Tyrant though he was, Gaddafi had some serious balls, and would frequently appear in the open even as NATO bombs rained down on his head. It’s really quite surprising that he
wasn’t assassinated.

[2] Sadly this is an actual quote from the Misrata Brigade that took Tawergha in OTL.

[3] The economy here is in much better shape than it was in OTL 2011, this is due to Boris's far more harsh implementation of austerity. It has saved the economy but caused a lot more unemployment than in OTL.
 
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Chapter Six

“If you try to plant a crop in the middle of winter when snow is on the ground, it will not grow.”

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Extract from an article published on BBC NEWS ONLINE on February 6th 2012, “Queen celebrates 60-year reign”

“Spontaneous street parties and celebrations occurred across the country in honour of The Queen's 60 years as sovereign. A 60-gun salute was held in London and another 42-gun salute was held in Edinburgh.

However, today’s festivities were somewhat overshadowed by worsening economic news, as unemployment begins to climb again.”

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Extract from “Our Man in England” by Max Kessler

“The economic downturn at the beginning of the year proved to be a serious issue for Johnson. One of the main propaganda coups for Johnson in 2011 had been the curtailing of unemployment and the stabilisation of the economy. However, as 2012 dawned a fresh round of businesses went bust and the ranks of the unemployed started to grow. Too, the economy took a hit. The country’s GDP had contracted by 0.2% before it was brought back under control.

Johnson reacted quickly and decisively; spearheading a number of public works schemes designed to create jobs and tax cuts designed to entice wealth back to the UK. To Johnson’s credit the minor recession was curtailed and equilibrium restored, however the economy of the United Kingdom did not grow in the year of 2012. Furthermore, by July interests within the business faction of the Tory Party were already pushing for the public works to be drawn back and entrusted to private companies. A meeting of Conservative business men offered Johnson a veiled threat at a meeting. In a letter to his wife Johnson opined; ‘They come squealing to me, saying they want me to save them from Socialist Shopkeepers and Bearded Radicals, yet, as soon as I must adopt a socially acceptable policy, they extend their barbs and intimidate me. Fuck business.’”

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Extract from an article in THE TELEGRAPH, “Gaddafi loyalists return home”, March 2nd 2012

“Car horns blared, horses galloped alongside trucks and crowds cheered as the exhausted units of Saif al-Islam’s army returned home to Tawergha. Rebel forces had withdrawn a day earlier, taking everything that they could fit onto their flat-pack trucks and personnel carriers, leaving the town square a mess. Still, the people came out to thank the soldiers.

Green flags, the symbol of the regime, were hoisted by burly youths in army uniforms, as ordinary people chanted pro-Regime slogans and waved the late Colonel’s little green book. A troupe of young women danced to patriotic songs, and musical remixes of Gaddafi’s speeches.

‘Bless God for Saif al-Islam!’ Abu Matti, a young Tuareg soldier tells me as he pumps his fist. ‘If it were not for him, the Rebels would have massacred the Blacks. We urged them not to fight us, because they are our brothers, but they insisted on fighting. Saif has saved Libya, he has saved our revolution.’

In truth, the portion of Libya Saif al-Islam now controls has few natural resources [1] and if he does manage to cling on to power, he will not be able to keep Libya’s world-class health system or his first-class army of desert tribesmen without causing a recession. With the un-freezing of his bank accounts, Saif has been able to pay off most of the army’s wages for now but demobilisation is sure to follow. In-order to safeguard against any bold Rebel commanders, a large Russian garrison has been established in Tripoli. [2]

‘The Russians visit us semi-regularly now.’ Abu said. ‘They drive up in tanks from Tripoli, just to check on us. They are soldiers of God.’

Residents feel safe and public order has been restored. A cautious optimism has arisen among the people of West Libya, most of them never supported the Arab Spring in the first place. Some of the Loyalist soldiers intend to settle down and begin cultivating land. Many, however, don’t believe they’ll be staying home for long. ‘Two weeks at most’, Abu Matti told me, ‘Then I will go to Syria. Comrade Bashar needs us to help him secure his revolution against the Zionists and traitors.’”

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Public adulation in Green Square, March 23rd 2012. The smiles mask a deep sense of concern among Tripoli's residents. The end of the Civil War brings with it an intense crackdown on dissent in Saif's Libya.
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Front page of THE GUARDIAN, “‘Livingstone back on top in London”, May 5th 2012

“In triumphal scenes outside City Hall, crowds waved red banners and sang historical labour ballads, as Ken Livingstone returned like a conquering hero to the position of London Mayor. The sound of ‘We Shall Not Be Moved’ echoed long into the night. The election will go down as one of the most hotly contested in the city’s history, Ken Livingstone, the first mayor of the city proper, whom the wight-wing media dubbed an old fool, squaring off against David Cameron, Johnson’s favourite, the politician that Ian Hislop dubbed ‘the man with the heart of jelly’.

In the final days of the campaign the Tory election office seemed to behave like a shape-shifting alien in a sci-fi film; cycling between many different forms as it violently exploded. At times, Tory staffers behaved with dizzying optimism, at other times, despair gripped the heads of the campaign. A violent brawl erupted between Lynton Crosby and Zac Goldsmith on the day I was there during which Crosby’s glasses were broken.

The Anti-Ken campaign, as ever, was entirely negative. Cameron attempted to paint Livingstone as both a doddery old man and a venomously cunning anti-Semite. This supposed dual personality was not accepted by the people of London, allowing Livingstone to paint a picture of Cameron as an the out-of-touch Toff something people were more than willing to accept in the aftermath of the riots.

For his part David Cameron appeared to have long ago accepted his fate and turned out to the event in a blue two-piece suit and his now customary eye-patch. [3] He shook Livingstone warmly by the hand after the old man of London politics had finished his speech, wishing him the very best of luck.”

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Boris congratules Ken Livingstone on his surprise win in London's mayoral election, in a ceremony held in early June to whip up excitement for the Olympics, June 3rd 2012. Despite differences of police both men remained relatively amicable in the aftermath of the London mayoral election.
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Extract from, “Good Old Boris” by Peter Dinges

“Throughout June Boris, already coasting off of the success of his economic policy and the crushing of the riots, conducted a campaign of public speeches and appearances in isolated and backwoods areas of the UK that Labour Leader David Miliband called ‘a masturbatory, victory lap’. Johnson, for his part, considered the venture an attempt to ‘bring the Government and the wider populace together’. Both men can be said to be essentially correct in their estimation.

Johnson had a personal helicopter procured for this endeavour which he christened The Pericles, after one of his historical heroes. In one of the few visits to be fully televised, Johnson and his entourage touched down in the secluded Scottish settlement of Fort Augustus, landing in the middle of a football pitch which locals had erected as they waited for the Prime Minister’s arrival.

At these meetings, Boris would sit and listen to the issues and problems facing the people he governed. Upon arrival at Fort Augustus Boris played football with the locals before being treated to a dramatic rendition of ‘Titus Andronicus’. After the performance had concluded, the crowd approached Johnson to air their grievances. Everyone had a chance to talk with the Leader, and Boris made sure to listen carefully to everyone. He promised refurbishments to the school and the public library, new tractors for the farmers, help sorting out debts and more. One of his aides later said, ‘The whole thing was like something from The Godfather. Old women, shop-keepers, mothers – they’d all come up to him and kiss his cheek and ask for something. At the wave of his hand one of his aides would take the person away and try to address the problem.’ Many of his promises materialised, and even those who did not get their wishes granted at least felt they were being listened to.

To the south, London prepared for the Olympics. For his part Johnson had been very active in stirring up Olympo-mania. Appearing at launch events, attending galas to raise money, and even spending two days helping to build the stadium itself. Whenever he had time outside of his Ministerial duties, Johnson was very active in the community; visiting London schools and even participating in ‘mock’ Olympics in local constituencies, although Johnson would always be resentful that ‘Red’ Ken Livingstone was the one to open the games themselves.

At the end of his ‘victory lap’, Boris took a brief holiday in the Glencoe Mountains. There he holidayed on the shores of Loch Leven. There he swam in the Loch, w-ent running and mountain climbing and indulged an ‘unhealthy craving for sausage and chips.’ Whilst he enjoyed his sabbatical however, Johnson was actually planning his next move. He read voraciously on the fall of Sparta and the Peloponnesian War. As the economy began to boom again and the Olympic games were launched, Johnson emerged, having lost weight and gained confidence, ready for another year in the spotlight.

His first grand stroke was to write a book, ‘Have I Got Views for You’, which would soon become a sensation.”

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Extract from, “The British Political Encyclopaedia” by E. D. Thomas, Strassman Publishing

2012 United Kingdom local elections: Local elections held on the 3rd of May 2012, during which Boris Johnson’s Tory Party are believed to have taken a hit as a result of a brief rise in unemployment during the beginning of the year.

The number of councils won by the respective parties were as follows:

Conservative: 36 (-8)

Labour: 73 (+29)

Liberal Democrat: 10 (+3)

SNP: 2 (+2)

Plaid Cymru: 0 (-1)

Green: 0 (-)

UKIP: 0 (-)

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Extract from “Have I Got Views For You” by Boris Johnson, first published on December 2nd 2012

“Classes struggle, it is the nature of organised society, and this fact has been true since the end of the Neolithic age. In history classes have united and been divided, in a ceaseless struggle to control and dominate one another. This struggle built, and has many times threatened to destroy, Britain.

Ultimately, my aim, and our struggle, is towards the end goal of a society where the differences between classes are enjoyed and celebrated, not torn down. The key to this is building a country which benefits the wealthy, intellectual and storied upper classes the studious, wealth generating middle classes and the hard-working, humble lower classes.

There is one vehicle which transcends class; the Bicycle. In 1904, 20 per cent of journeys were made by bicycle in London. I want to see a figure like that again. Can you imagine it? Thousands, perchance, millions of workers, teachers, businessmen, lords and ladies, travelling to work on their bicycles. And after all, if you can't turn the clock back to 1904, what's the point of being a Conservative?” [4]

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[1] The National Transitional Council holds Misrata, and the areas that immediately surround it, the Nafusa Mountains and all of Cyrenaicia. Saif holds the western deserts and Tripoli. It is an uneasy settlement, which is due to be wrapped up in a formal peace treaty in 2013, and a massive population exchange is underway, as Berbers, dissidents, ethnic minrities and victims of Gaddafi senior head for rebel territory and Blacks and Loyalists head west.

[2] In OTL Putin has himself sighted Gaddafi’s murder as a prime reason for escalating tensions with the West. With Gaddafi’s earlier death, Putin has had his little Anti-NATO epiphany a few months earlier and has subsequently swooped in to help prop up Saif.

[3] Cameron nearly lost an eye as a result of that brick that knocked him out during the riots. He continues to wear the eye-patch as a badge of honour. It has led to the late Christopher Hitchens referring to him as, “a weedy, effete Moshe Dayan”.

[4] Much like his OTL book HIGVFY is basically just a weird stream of consciousness in-which he waxes lyrical about as diverse a subject as the Iraq War and Gang violence. However, what with him being PM and all, the book is far more popular.
 
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Chapter Seven

“Not one step back!”

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Extract from “Good Old Boris” by Peter Dinges

“On February 22nd Boris Johnson initiated a countrywide ban on internet pornography. From the 23rd onwards people would have to negotiate with their service providers in order to attain pornographic material online. At the time the anti-pornography campaign was called ‘The Decency Drive’ although it is perhaps best remembered today by the more accurate name of ‘The Anti-Sex Campaign’. [1] In part it was also a testing ground for the re-introduction of David Cameron to political life after a year spent in the wilderness. Cameron, who had been passionately opposed to the distribution of online pornography, quickly took up the leadership of the campaign. Once again, Boris leaned on his allies heavily both to organise the campaign on the ground and to take flak for its more controversial aspects. As the campaign tail span into failure following a lawsuit by several porn manufacturers, Boris retreated and publicly blamed David Cameron for the whole affair…

Beyond the considerable embarrassment of the Anti-Sex Campaign in February, Johnson used 2013 as a period of consolidation within his regime. Gains had been made in local elections, same sex marriage was legalised and the genuine good will Johnson accrued from Olympo-mania and the Diamond Jubilee helped him continue to govern smoothly. The campaign of ‘macro-management’, which primarily involved Johnson sitting back and allowing Osborne and his gangs of technocrats restructure the economy, proved highly successful and the economy continued to grow, although the PM was apparently very upset that Britain was during this period overtaken in terms of growth by Germany and France.

In April, Johnson began concentrating on building up a core of support within the Conservative Party. The publishing of ‘Have I Got Views For You’ had carried forth Johnson’s words to the masses and particularly to the young. Now, it was time for Johnson to harness that energy. On April 12th he announced the beginning of The Boris Enrolment, in-which people from working class backgrounds would be admitted to the party free of charge. A flood of Johnson supporters were soon carrying blue membership cards.”


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Extract from an article published on BBC NEWS ONLINE, “Switch from GCSEs to Baccalaureate in England to be complete by 2014”, on June 3rd 2013

“Plans to scrap GCSEs in key subjects in England and replace them with English Baccalaureate Certificates are being instated in September 2014.

In a speech to the commons this morning, the education secretary, Michael Gove, stressed that the process would be implemented with care and that changes would occur gradually, stating, ‘these reforms have been designed to address the grade inflation, dumbing down and loss of rigour in GCSE examinations, they can only have positive results.’

The new Baccalaureate Certificate is billed as having a tougher syllabus, with exams at the end of the course in a return to an O-level style traditional qualification. The move has been criticised by members of the Labour and Liberal democratic Parties”

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Extract from an article published in THE INDEPENDENT on September 12th 2013, “East Libya descends into Civil War”

“Gunfire and the dull thump of artillery sound in Benghazi as the Arab Spring settles into an Islamic Winter. Islamic fundamentalists have been able to push the military out of central Benghazi and General Younis has been forced to set up his government in Tobruk as East Libya splinters in two.

The civil war began last Monday when troops loyal to General Fatah Abdel Younis attempted to storm the parliament building. Fearful of suffering the same fate as Egypt’s President Morsi, Ali Zeidan had already relocated the General National Congress to the Benina International Airport and took to state TV to declare ‘Jihad on Atheistic Communism’.

In war-torn Bayda many are fleeing west to avoid the fighting, as Islamists move into neighbourhoods known for their secular tendencies. The speakers of many mosques were commandeered and a single, chanting verse read out, ‘All Infidels will die! Long live Benghazi! Death to the traitors!”

Over a thousand people displaced by the vicious inter-communal fighting have already poured across the border into West Libya, seeking safety and stability. Saif al-Islam’s propaganda machine has made adroit use of the steady stream of refugees; with eastern women paraded on Al-Jamahiriya to talk about mass rape committed by Islamist troops.”

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Members of the 2nd Armoured Division fire on Islamist forces in the city of Brega, East Libya
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Front page of THE GUARDIAN ONLINE, “Kim Jong Un’s Gambit Threatens the World”, November 26th 2013

“The rumble of artillery fire north of Yeonpyeong sound to many as if they are the start of a war sixty years in the making.

The mood on the large island of Ganghwado is one of fear and concern. The countless refugees shepherded from Yeonpyeong are convinced Kim Jong Un’s troops will soon be occupying their homes. A North Korean flotilla has been parked off of the coast of the island, pounding it with rockets, supported by heavy artillery on the Korean mainland. Many believe this will be the place Kim Jong Un strikes next.

South Korean security police show me over fifty bodies from a North Korean special forces raid two days earlier. As we talk two more trucks come by carrying bodies for disposal further south, these ones are wearing uniforms. Pyongyang’s war of words is finally turning hot. The crisis began in March when crippling UN sanctions were tightened on the Hermit Kingdom, since then attempts at diplomacy have failed. [2] South Korean workers have left the Kaesong Industrial Region, the only area in Korea that the two sides jointly administer.

The igniting incident seems to have been the brief exchange of fire between North and South Korean patrol boats on November 3rd. Since then there has been a cyber attack on Seoul, an attempt on Kim Jong Un's life that left him hospitalised for two days back in October, and an exchange of fire at Yeonpyeong last week has escalated the crisis to a breaking point. Kim Jong Un has made many sabre-rattling speeches, promising that ‘the final battle’ is only a few days away. The question of just why Kim Jong Un is risking everything may never be known; perhaps he hopes that the United States will back down and drop sanctions on his beleaguered state in the face of a nuclear conflict, or perhaps the North Korean leadership is as insane and megalomaniacal as it has always been suggested it was.

Whatever happens next, the fate of over fifty million people now hangs by a perilously thin thread…”

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Extract from a speech made by Boris Johnson to the House of Commons on December 3rd 2013

“In regards to foreign policy, the House may be assured that my government will unequivocally back the United States and our network of allies in NATO. However, we do question the wisdom of pulling the tail of the North Korean dragon. We struck first in Libya, and for that our party and government are proud, however, now we must urge that the United States and South Korea operate within the UN framework and tread carefully.

If war should come it would directly involve two of the world’s largest economies, South Korea and Japan, and indirectly involve the second largest in China. North Korea’s network of spies and fellow travellers is vast indeed and the damage to the international economy will no-doubt cause a recession in Asia, with ripples resounding across the earth. As your country has only recently survived a great recession, I don’t mind telling you gentlemen what a disaster another one will be to us.

Kim Yong-un is not a paper tiger. His regime currently possesses the means to wreck a grand devastation on his neighbours, the likes of-which this planet has not seen since the Second World War. His forces are not withered by sanctions or crippled by in-fighting; the North Korean Army can call upon some one million active duty troops and over a million reserves and militia which will be deployed against our forces if a conflict should arise.

If war is carried out, we have no doubt that our armed forces would triumph, our question is, at what cost will our victory come?”

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North Korean troops building fortifications along the Han River, December 6th 2013
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Orders sent to the officers of the 1st Platoon of the 2nd North Korean Infantry Division on December 11th 2013:

“Commence preparations for the assault on Ganghwado Island. The Korean People's Army will begin offensive operations within of 48 hours. All commanders should avoid engagement with American troops wherever possible. Under no circumstances are officers, soldiers or embedded journalists to be executed as they are required for ransoming, propaganda purposes, etc."
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[1] Again, Dinges is over-exaggerating, however he is right in that this move is but the first in a series of moves the Johnson government makes to regulate the sale and production of pornography.

[2] ITTL here has generally been a more belligerent response to tin-pot dictators demands than in OTL. This is largely because Obama wants to appear strong in the face of having to climb down in Libya due to in-fighting. The relationship between Barack and Boris is about to turn particularly sour, especially after that little speech Johnson has just given.
 
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